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BRITT

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DEGENERATE FLOOSIES…DASTARDLY GERMAN SPIES…DIRTY OLD MEN…SOPWITH CAMELS…AND A VIRGINAL HERO AND HEROINE WHO ARE ENGLAND’S ONLY HOPE….

1918. England faces defeat. Germany looks set to triumph. Only one man and one woman can save England.
Wriggles is the Royal Flying Corps’ greatest ace. Can he prevent a dastardly German spy ring from getting top-secret information out of France? Is he completely out of his depth in a world of devilish scoundrels, and flouncing, unashamed, near-naked scarlet women?
Britt, his childhood sweetheart, is working as a nurse at a hospital near Paris. Forever pining for the lost innocence of her childhood, she too has problems. Adrift in a world of dirty old men and dissolute hussies, she is fast approaching mental breakdown. She finds purpose in life as a slayer of German spies. Convinced as she is that German male spies have snakes growing out from between their legs, they are quite easy to identify. Another obsession of hers is to discover what Wriggles has between his legs...
As well as twists and turns of plot, exciting aerial combats, and a host of characters, from the suave, bollocks-obsessed Major Mullen to sexy, black-haired, pouting Marianne casting amorous eyes over our virginal hero, there unfolds (in the story of Britt and Wriggles) one of the greatest love-stories ever told. Will it end happily, or will Wriggles end up with a bullet through his head, and Britt strait-jacketed in a mental institution?
This is a novel of sexual and martial comedy, with no-holds-barred excitement and thrills, and more. It explores two flawed individuals who, heartbreakingly unable to come to terms with an adult world, begin to draw closer and closer together and discover feelings hitherto unknown to them. It is a sympathetic portrayal of two children trapped in adult bodies, and how one of them, Britt, tries to dig her way out of her schizophrenic nightmare with a courage and determination which deserves to succeed…
Will Britt manage to save herself..? And will Britt and Wriggles save England..? Will they find true love? Or does death and madness await them in a world dominated by Germany and its depraved supporters?

Kindle Edition

First published May 5, 2014

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About the author

Alan Hardy

39 books128 followers
I'm a director of an English language school for foreign students. Married, with one daughter. Poetry pamphlets: Wasted Leaves, 1996; I Went With Her, 2007. I've had poems published in such magazines as Orbis, Iota, The Interpreter's House, Poetry Nottingham, Poetry Salzburg Review, Poetry Cornwall, and others. I have now written ten novels. I would describe them as surreal novels with plenty of comedy, satire, humor, romance, sex and adventure. They're shocking, original and respectful of nothing and nobody. You have been warned.
The nine published so far are THE CASE OF THE TATTOOED BUTTOCKS, THE CASE OF THE PINIONED BOSOMS, THE CASE OF THE DISAPPEARING CORPSES, THROUGH THE GATES, VAMPIRE HUNT, JULIA, GOOD QUEEN BETH, BRITT, and GABRIELLA.
THE CASE OF THE TATTOOED BUTTOCKS, subtitled AN INSPECTOR CULLOT MYSTERY, is a cheeky, exciting murder mystery, with plenty of thrills, surprises, witty repartee, suspense and sexy ladies, let alone a couple of gory murders. The story takes place in a country mansion, with an assembled array of suspects (a mixture of the rich, decadent, sophisticated and louche) who are all perhaps not quite what they seem and hiding God knows what secrets... Even the renowned Inspector Cullot, with his occasional fits of dark despair, and now working in a department store's lingerie section, is tormented by ghosts from his past... And does the bumbling, simple-minded PC Blunt, recording another Inspector Cullot case for posterity in an array of note-books, also have skeletons in his cupboard..? And do the unsolved Night-Club Hostess Murders committed two years earlier have a bearing on the case? And what about the strange tattoos on the buttocks of the gorgeous ladies assembled at the mansion? What does it all mean? You'll die laughing trying to find out.
Check out the two follow-up novels in the series, THE CASE OF THE PINIONED BOSOMS and THE CASE OF THE DISAPPEARING CORPSES.... let alone THE CASE OF THE TORN YELLOW SOCKS, soon to appear as the fourth book in this hilarious series...
THROUGH THE GATES is a time-travel novel, with the hero (or anti-hero) Mark travelling back to the days of World War Two. He lives in an old house with a big, mysterious garden where he keeps unearthing and discovering objects which draw him back into the past. He's also obsessed with a beautiful young woman he saw when very young, and his attraction towards the past, and journeys into it, are also an attempt to find her and discover who she was... Not to mention the gold bullion buried somewhere in Mark's garden...
VAMPIRE HUNT tells the story of Dr Joseph Aymon's return to Transylvania in search of Bella, his long-lost first love, and in search of vampires...to kill...
JULIA is a novel dealing with a young man's obsession with his first love, and his pursuit of her over seven years. Is he just a young man hopelessly and helplessly in love, or is it something more delusional...or even dangerous?
GABRIELLA is a cheeky, sexy portrayal of young love played out on the sports field. It's romantic, provocative, unabashed, and unapologetic.
BRITT is set in France during World War One, and is a comic, exciting tale of derring-do, spies, aerial dog-fights...and sexual shenanigans... In contrast to this world of sexual abandon and experience, we have Wriggles of the Royal Flying Corps and Britt, his childhood sweetheart. Both are innocents in a world they don't understand, and can't relate to. With a devilishly cunning German spy ring about to escape with top-secret information that might well bring about England's defeat, they are England's only hope. Will they be able to save England, and find true love...?
GOOD QUEEN BETH is a savage, no-holds-barred critique of the monarchy and present-day society, in a novel which is brutal and provocative, yet exhilarating and wide-ranging in events and relationships.

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5 stars
37 (57%)
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12 (18%)
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8 (12%)
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
Profile Image for Chloe Thurlow.
Author 29 books234 followers
March 14, 2015
Witty, zany and different. A spy story set in France in 1918, during World War One, full of devilish Germans, loose women and two child-like heroes who alone can save England and the world. A really funny and wicked read. Loved it.
Profile Image for Anna Burke.
Author 52 books1,168 followers
January 23, 2015
With tongue planted firmly in cheek, Alan Hardy takes the reader on a raucous romp in this send-up of a British spy thriller. Set at a critical turning point in WW I, the heroic fly boy, Wriggles, is hard at work, nary taking a moment to pause. Wriggles does not just blast evildoers from his perch in the sky, as an ace pilot. On the ground he ferrets out German spies, wherever they may be; many of them half-clad women. About midway through the book my mind cast Peter Sellers into the role of the naive protagonist, filled with vim and vigor, in his pursuit of Britain's enemies. Wriggles' relationship to his quirky, beyond innocent, childhood friend, Britt , keeps this from being a flat out British farce. Still, by the end of the book I was pretty much seeing Peter Sellers in all the roles. Characterizing this book as a bawdy, irreverent, salute to the spy thriller genre is about as close as I can get to describing what's in store for the reader who wanders into the world according to Wriggles & Britt [aka Alan Hardy]. If you want to find out more you'll just have to pick up the book and read it for yourself. A well-written book from this author with a distinctive voice.
Profile Image for Julia.
Author 25 books33 followers
May 18, 2014
What a great story! I’ve read a couple of Alan Hardy’s books before and grabbed this one as soon as it came out. I was expecting a lot, based on my previous experiences with Alan Hardy’s books, and I got even more that I had expected. Great book! Loyal to his style that transcends genres, Mr. Hardy’s latest book is historical fiction, mystery, romance, comedy, and more. It’s exciting and unpredictable, keeping the readers reading and guessing all the way through.

The main story is focused on Britt and Wiggles, a nurse and an ace pilot, who are determined to save England, find love, and escape insanity (at least in Britt’s case). Britt and Wiggles are not just protagonists, they are heroes of this novel, larger-than-life and admirable in many ways, but with weaknesses that make them real and appealing. As they struggle to accomplish their goals, they learn a lot about themselves and the world around them. That aspect of the novel feels like a unique coming-of-age story. A wonderful book written with a fantastic sense of humor. Highly recommended!
Profile Image for Judith Lucci.
Author 63 books426 followers
May 10, 2015
love spy novels and Britt is a special one. Alan Hardy, in his best tongue and cheek style, has created another winner. Set during WWI, centering on a young couple, Wiggles and Britt, the story is focuses on how the couple views the world around them during a times of instability. Wriggles is a pilot and Britt, a nurse with a few mental issues, are life long friends who may well be more than that. The couple is tasked with saving England from the Germans. As the story unfolds, the uniqueness of the plot and well-developed characters make for an entertaining read! Recommend highly...
Profile Image for Dennis Butler.
Author 12 books5 followers
May 21, 2014
Britt is a historical fiction and action spy thriller set in France toward the end of World War I but at the heart of the story is a very unique and special romance. Although there is plenty of humor and sex in this story, it is not a “light-hearted” book. The two main characters, Wriggles and Britt have been emotionally bound together since childhood. But as they have grown into adults, they have remained as innocent as the two children that used to play with dolls and put on little plays for their parents. They can kill enemies with zero remorse one minute and think and act as children the next minute. Their innocence goes far beyond just being honest and pure in thought. They really are children in adult bodies.

As their characters develop, you get the impression that perhaps they have been so completely consumed by each other that they have not seen the rest of the world spinning by. In a sense, they have been in love with each other, all their lives. They are so innocent they have no knowledge of human sexuality so when they are sexually attracted to each other, they don’t actually understand what they are feeling and they have no idea how to act on those impulses.

This is wonderful and thought provoking character development. Creation of a romance between a man-boy and a schizophrenic woman-girl is something I’ve never seen done before but amazingly, author Alan Hardy pulls it all together and cleverly weaves the relationship between Wriggles and Britt into this non-stop action adventure.

This was the third book I’ve read by Alan Hardy and it is proof that Hardy is a versatile and multi-dimensional author who can change styles without missing a beat. Britt is a superbly written in wonderfully colorful language. As I read through it, I couldn’t help visualizing it as a “classic” movie or mini-series but alas, Hollywood rarely recognizes greatness. Read this five-star novel to see and feel a future classic.
Profile Image for Sharon Stevenson.
Author 47 books302 followers
May 21, 2014
'Britt' is a unique love story set against a back-drop of war and espionage as childlike main characters Wriggles and Britt attempt to save Britain from the German threat.

I've read three of Alan Hardy's books now and I have to say each one of them is vividly imprinted in my memory and I don't imagine they will ever fade. This author has a brilliant way of pulling together outrageous ideas and madly blending genres to create something truly unique, thought-provoking and memorable. 'Britt' is a prime example of this with it's impressive combination of action, thriller, mystery, romance, humour and historical fiction. The imagery contained in this novel is strong and used to great effect, often for comedy. The story is entertaining and moves along at a fast pace with some well timed shocks and thrills packed in.

The characters were deeply flawed and I found them tremendously entertaining from start to finish. Their childlike innocence was unexpected and the contrast between this naivety and the easy brutality of the killings added well to the shock factor. Britt was an unpredictable character and this made for some very tense moments where I honestly didn't know what she might do as it seemed like she could be capable of anything.

Overall this is a massively entertaining novel containing a rather unusual romance story, full of laughs, shocks and edge-of-seat moments. 'Britt' is yet another brilliant novel from Alan Hardy. If you have not yet tried one of his books this would be an excellent one to begin with. A word of warning though, they are insanely addictive!
Profile Image for Stefania Mattana.
Author 19 books105 followers
June 1, 2014
Britt by Alan Hardy is a fast paced spy thriller set in France during World War I.
It's funny to me to see a British author telling about stories set in France, but Mr Hardy masters it brilliantly.

The story is about a couple, Britt and Wriggles, two childhood "friends" bonded forever by a sort of sentimental feeling. Britt suffers from a form of schizophrenia that makes things even more twisted along the plot flows.
Britt and Wriggles are involved into a complicated, sometimes funny attempt of stopping a German spy acting in their territory. Among suspense scenes and a bit of mystery, Britt and Wriggles will start a kind of love story that will merge with their childhood heritage.
It's fascinating to see how adults could turn into kids again while overwhelmed by memories and aspects/elements belonging to their own past and love.

I cannot tell you if Britt is more a crime/spy novel or a romance suspense story, but it doesn't matter at the very end. Britt is an enjoyable novel which I highly recommend to any avid readers looking for a entertaining story with a hint of comedy inside and a sparkle of romance. The ability of Mr Hardy as a storyteller makes the rest.
Profile Image for Simon Okill.
Author 12 books296 followers
February 14, 2015
Britt by Alan Hardy takes the reader to new heights in bawdy humour Blackadder-style. I have to admit the author not only excels with his vigorous display of poking fun at conventions but I truly believe he has pipped Tom Sharpe as Britain's best comedy author.
In a total turnaround, England faces defeat in 1918. Germany looks set to triumph and only one man and one woman can save England.
Wriggles never flies undone and is so Rik Mayall/Blackadder from Blackadder Goes Forth without the sexual know-how. He is our ace pilot and spy hunter and is all there is to stop the Hun from ruining old Blighty. To help we have his childhood sweetheart Nurse Britt a somewhat mentally unbalanced individual if there ever was. Can these two quirky people take on fiendish spies with more cleverness than a clever thingy? Can they save England? Can Britt ever find out what wriggles between Wriggles' legs? Read and find out.
I haven't had this much fun since the last Alan Hardy novel Very highly recommended.
Profile Image for Jason Mowbray.
3 reviews1 follower
June 2, 2014

Britt was a very interesting read. I've haven't had the opportunity up until now to check out Alan Hardy's work. I must say it was one of the most bizarre books I have ever read, but I mean that in a good way.

The story is based around the first world war. The main characters Britt and Wriggles find themselves thrust into a war to protect jolly old England.

Britt and Wriggle are very unique people with an innocence towards real life and their own sexuality. Their bodies all grown up, but their minds have not yet matured.

Britt yearns to be a child again and live in the safe haven of her garden with mummy and daddy. Memories of being a little girl with Wriggles putting on plays for their families and playing with their dolls.

Wriggles on the other hand is our hero protecting Britain from all who would dare to hurt her. I actually found it to be very light read with a lot of rather humorous representations of various people or sexual innuendos.
Profile Image for Jan Raymond.
Author 12 books93 followers
August 25, 2014
This is the second of Alan Hardy's book that I've read and it is as brilliant as the first one I read, Good Queen Beth. Of course, the storyline and characters are completely new but the tongue in cheek humour that I have started expecting from Alan Hardy is present throughout the book. This book is a brilliantly woven combination of suspense, intrigue and romance. There is pathos and sorrow but you just know that the main characters will conquer it all.
Britt and Wriggles are some of the most complex characters I have come across. You would think being child-like would make them simple but no, it makes them much more complicated and the author removes layers and you start understanding them as you go deeper into the story. I really like Alan Hardy's style of writing and would recommend him to anyone who loves a good, witty tale.
Profile Image for Christoph Fischer.
Author 49 books468 followers
August 3, 2016
"Britt" by Alan Hardy is a great, quirky book about two WW1 heroes: Nurse Britt, and pilot Wriggles. They know each other from childhood onwards and become partners in a spy thriller in which they have to eliminate a series of German opponents.
Told with a great dry sense of humour and with a sense of ambience this is a very enjoyable read, even for a German audience, like myself.
Almost a hundred years on since the end of WW1 we are still fascinated by the epic and dramatic events, the trench war fare and life in threatened France. In part authentic historical fiction, in part a spy novel with romance and humour the book has achieved to bring this fascination into a rounded and entertaining piece of art.
Having read Hardy's other work I am fascinated by his ability to put his unique mark on any genre he touches. Veyr accomplished.
Profile Image for Bill Swanson.
29 reviews
June 19, 2014
Britt by Alan Hardy is a complex and engaging novel, with an excellent historical background and a top quality and seducing love story.
The key of this book for me was Britt’s mind. I couldn’t stop reading about her childhood’s problems, about her wishes and her pains. She’s an amazing character and the Author introduces the reader inside her mind in a great way. I hardly felt a character so close…
The love story is truly heart-breaking. I had so mixed feelings. I waited and felt happy and cried and was astonished.
Alan Hardy's historical background is outstanding. I like historical novels and I was very impressed by how his settings have all elements to make them real and interesting.
This was a great read for me and I’ll definitively read more books by this author.
Profile Image for Regina Puckett.
Author 135 books524 followers
June 22, 2014
Level Upon Level

Britt
Alan Hardy

If you loved watching the movie Glorious Bastards, you’ll love this novel. It’s filled with tongue-in-cheek humor, quirky romance and spies coming out of the woodwork.

There are so many levels to this unique plotline and the two main characters made me laugh out loud with their odd mixture of innocence and brilliance. The German spies didn’t stand a chance with those two hot on their trail. Of course, it helped that the poor spies weren’t overly bright. I have no idea how they lasted as long as they did.

There are several hilarious sexual encounters that had me giggling instead of blushing. I love Mr. Hardy’s sense of humor.

Britt is a wild ride and a fun read.
Profile Image for Craig Furchtenicht.
Author 13 books18 followers
August 10, 2016
First of all, I am not a big fan of love stories or historical fiction. Luckily for me this novel redefined the barriers of both genres in a truly positive way. I do like a great spy novel and this is what Britt was. Sort of. It is also a story of two adorably naive characters caught up in the midst of the war, trying to save England from the loathsome Huns. The only question is, who is going to save them from their own child-like innocence. I have never laughed out loud so often while reading a historical love story about spies before. Alan Hardy is a master of taking the reader by the hand and making them not want to let go. Great work.I highly recommend it to fans of any genre.
Profile Image for Amalie Jahn.
Author 18 books350 followers
July 23, 2014
On the surface, Britt appears to be another book of WWI historical fiction. However, it doesn't take long to discover that this novel is about so much more. Hardy gives us a rare glimpse into the lives of Wriggles and Britt, who could have easily been mistaken for just two more soldiers in the war against the 'Huns.' Instead, their lives are woven into a tender and thought provoking love story. Along the way, there are voluptuous German spies, murder and lots of aerial action sequences which help to round out the plot. Highly recommend to anyone looking for a quirky, easy-to-read romance.
Profile Image for Emily Stanton Wolfpack.
40 reviews4 followers
March 18, 2015
Britt is a daring, fresh take on the British spy novel; this one stars two naive childhood sweethearts, pilot Wriggles and the virginal Britt, who serve as England's only hope for survival in the increasingly tense atmosphere of World War I. German spies lurk everywhere, and threaten Britt's purity as the physical embodiment of England. Hardy uses surprising, sometimes unsettling dark sexual humor to illustrate the strange chaos and paranoia of warfare. I was left reeling! I recommend this book to fans of the spy thriller, or readers looking to enjoy unique fiction with a strong British heritage.
Profile Image for Ju Ephraime.
Author 34 books231 followers
June 6, 2014
This is the second book I have read by Hardy. The first one had me reading with my mouth hanging open and this one was just as awe-inspiring. Hardy's characters are uniquely different, nothing is as it seems. The actions of the characters are out of this world. The plot is set against the backdrop of World War I between Germany and Britain. Hardy takes you into the unpredictable and crazy world of Britt and Wriggles, which seems to get crazier as the story develops. I never knew what to expect, so I’ll say, expect the unexpected in this tale of Britt!
Profile Image for D.K. Cassidy.
Author 19 books121 followers
November 30, 2014
World War 1 Revisited.

Britt and Wriggles are the two main characters in this unique novel. I call this novel unique because of the way the author beautifully created these two flawed, sad, funny, and ultimately engaging characters. Wriggles is a fully-grown man who is still a young boy emotionally. Britt is a woman struggling with a mental/emotional disorder. Their connection is a shared memory of an idyllic childhood.

I leave you to discover the funny bits, I was laughing out loud at some of the scenes and at one point choked on my coffee. Beware of snakes!
Profile Image for Philip.
Author 26 books51 followers
June 15, 2015
This is a cross between Blackadder (Goes Fourth), Biggles with a spy thriller mixed in all told in Hardy's normal style. Some explicitness mixed up in the innocence of the lead characters. Lots of jingoism which if you are German or French you may find offensive.

Some nice moments - it lost a star as I found some elements a little repetitive. No laugh out loud but plenty of wry amusement.
Profile Image for Hunter Jones.
Author 23 books1,312 followers
July 29, 2014
Bizarre characters with psychological challenges. Satire, crisp wit and a WW1 setting...Alan Hardy is the Master of plot twists and originality. Britt is the second book I have read by this author. You never have any idea what is going to happen next. Get his books. You will love them.
390 reviews7 followers
December 10, 2014
Not my cup of tea

Badly written. Quirky dialogue. More of a bad joke than a well-crafted novel. A sort of parody rather than a serious work.


747 reviews
November 4, 2015
Odd. What an odd story.
It bumbled along with the hapless heroes and was a tad silly.

Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews

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