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Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge
The Ultimate Guide to Kink is the first major guide to BDSM in a generation - a bold and sexy collection of essays that run the gamut from expert how-to tutorials to provocative essays that delve into complex questions about desire, power, and pleasure. The book brings together diverse voices from the kink community in an unprecedented each chapter is written by a different sexuality/BDSM educator. Divided into two sections, the first section features thorough, thoughtful pieces - on everything from flogging to bondage. The second section is dedicated to role-playing fantasies and personal manifestos. From age play to masochism, these chapters cover some of the edgiest, most taboo and controversial elements of kink in depth. The Ultimate Guide to Kink features the expertise of renowned educators writing passionately on their favorite subjects, including Patrick Califia, Midori, Laura Antoniou, Barbara Carrellas, Lee Harrington, Jack Rinella, Lolita Wolf, Madison Young, Hardy Haberman, Felice Shays, Ignacio Rivera, Sarah Sloane, Mollena Williams, FifthAngel, and Edge. It will educate, inspire, and challenge both newcomers to the world of kink and experienced BDSM players.
466 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 1, 2012
309 people are currently reading
3174 people want to read
About the author
Tristan Taormino
70 books568 followersTristan Taormino is an award-winning writer, sex educator, speaker, filmmaker, and radio host. She is the editor of 25 anthologies and author of seven books, including her latest, The Feminist Porn Book, 50 Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM, The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation, The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge and Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, winner of a 2012 Lambda Literary Award. As the head of Smart Ass Productions, she has directed and produced twenty-four adult films. She is the producer and host of Sex Out Loud, a weekly radio show on the VoiceAmerica Network.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
July 10, 2012
BRAND SPANKING NEW: A LIBRARIAN REVIEWS A SEX BOOK
I got an unexpected package in the mail the other day. Because I’m a book reviewer, I somehow ended up on the list of folks who get review copies from Cleis Press, a publisher of feminist erotica. Imagine my surprise when I opened my package at the counter of the local post office, (where all the clerks know me) to find a brand new copy of “The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge.”
As my post office pals snickered at me, I opened a page at random and read: “Missionary never felt so good. He’s [boinking] you hard as you lie on your back: you pound on his back with your fists.” (Trust me to be so vanilla that I can open a kink book to the only “missionary position” page.) Further down the page I read: “While spanking him, throw in a few punches -- the thudding sensation is a perfect counterbalance to the sting of the slap.”
Punching my sweetie had never struck me (HA!) as a good time. On the other hand, when he does something that drives me nuts, waiting till we’re between the sheets then popping him one might work better than trying to reason with him. (That almost never works.) If nothing else, smacking him in the name of sex play could be a nicely passive-aggressive way for me to work off a little steam.
Or not.
Glad to have done my part to amuse the hard-working employees at my post office, I took “The Ultimate Guide to Kink” home. There was no question in my mind that I could get an essay out of this. What happens when a edgy sex manual falls into the hands of a mild-mannered librarian?
Dipping into the book again, I read: “Bondage has its own risks. As I tell my rope bondage students “Dead bottom, bad bondage. Bad top, no biscuit!”
Wow. Rope bondage students? Really? Where exactly is this class offered? One hopes that it isn’t the local middle school. But I was intrigued by the book‘s tone -- it was knowing and funny, not Penthouse Letters Column smarmy. Wouldn’t it be interesting to learn what actually goes on in all those wilder bedrooms? I’m a librarian. I love to read. And I love sex. Why wouldn’t I enjoy reading about sex?
“The Ultimate Guide to Kink” is a collection of essays, edited by sex educator and “feminist pornographer” Tristan Taormino, and written by experts on a variety of topics from “Kinky Twisted Tantra” to “How to Train Your Sex Slave.” The illustrations are mostly of rope-tying techniques strikingly similar to the ones in “The Boy Scout’s Handbook.“ (Just what were those youngsters being trained to do anyway?) The writing is clear and informative enough to bring joy to my librarian’s heart. And there’s an eye-opener on every page. Even if you don’t want to tie up your partner, you’ll learn how to do it right and why it appeals to the folks who play that game. Sure, there were sections that I found icky, off-putting or downright scary. I skipped them. It’s not as if I was studying to pass the Kinkster SAT. As with any good how-to book, you use what works for you.
Here’s something that did work for me:
“Dressing up is FUN. Even mundane objects can be imbued with a sexy vibe. I had a very intense sexual encounter that was kicked up a notch when my partner and I dared each other to keep our glasses on during the entire f**k. You will not know how difficult it can be to keep your specs on while pounding the headboard until you’ve tried it.”
Is this a scene totally made for a librarian or what?
I’m still vanilla at heart. But I’m glad I read this book. You ought to read it too. It’s fascinating. It’ll open your mind up. Actually, unless you’re into this stuff already, it will probably blow your mind a little. Which isn’t a bad thing. Sure, you too will probably find some of it just too weird or scary. Skip those parts. On the other hand, if your partner ever asks you to spank him (or her), instead of freaking out, you’ll know enough to respond, “Sure, honeybunch, I‘d be happy to help you discover your “spanking sweet spot.“
Or not.
(This essay first appeared in www.womensvoicesforchange.org.)
I got an unexpected package in the mail the other day. Because I’m a book reviewer, I somehow ended up on the list of folks who get review copies from Cleis Press, a publisher of feminist erotica. Imagine my surprise when I opened my package at the counter of the local post office, (where all the clerks know me) to find a brand new copy of “The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge.”
As my post office pals snickered at me, I opened a page at random and read: “Missionary never felt so good. He’s [boinking] you hard as you lie on your back: you pound on his back with your fists.” (Trust me to be so vanilla that I can open a kink book to the only “missionary position” page.) Further down the page I read: “While spanking him, throw in a few punches -- the thudding sensation is a perfect counterbalance to the sting of the slap.”
Punching my sweetie had never struck me (HA!) as a good time. On the other hand, when he does something that drives me nuts, waiting till we’re between the sheets then popping him one might work better than trying to reason with him. (That almost never works.) If nothing else, smacking him in the name of sex play could be a nicely passive-aggressive way for me to work off a little steam.
Or not.
Glad to have done my part to amuse the hard-working employees at my post office, I took “The Ultimate Guide to Kink” home. There was no question in my mind that I could get an essay out of this. What happens when a edgy sex manual falls into the hands of a mild-mannered librarian?
Dipping into the book again, I read: “Bondage has its own risks. As I tell my rope bondage students “Dead bottom, bad bondage. Bad top, no biscuit!”
Wow. Rope bondage students? Really? Where exactly is this class offered? One hopes that it isn’t the local middle school. But I was intrigued by the book‘s tone -- it was knowing and funny, not Penthouse Letters Column smarmy. Wouldn’t it be interesting to learn what actually goes on in all those wilder bedrooms? I’m a librarian. I love to read. And I love sex. Why wouldn’t I enjoy reading about sex?
“The Ultimate Guide to Kink” is a collection of essays, edited by sex educator and “feminist pornographer” Tristan Taormino, and written by experts on a variety of topics from “Kinky Twisted Tantra” to “How to Train Your Sex Slave.” The illustrations are mostly of rope-tying techniques strikingly similar to the ones in “The Boy Scout’s Handbook.“ (Just what were those youngsters being trained to do anyway?) The writing is clear and informative enough to bring joy to my librarian’s heart. And there’s an eye-opener on every page. Even if you don’t want to tie up your partner, you’ll learn how to do it right and why it appeals to the folks who play that game. Sure, there were sections that I found icky, off-putting or downright scary. I skipped them. It’s not as if I was studying to pass the Kinkster SAT. As with any good how-to book, you use what works for you.
Here’s something that did work for me:
“Dressing up is FUN. Even mundane objects can be imbued with a sexy vibe. I had a very intense sexual encounter that was kicked up a notch when my partner and I dared each other to keep our glasses on during the entire f**k. You will not know how difficult it can be to keep your specs on while pounding the headboard until you’ve tried it.”
Is this a scene totally made for a librarian or what?
I’m still vanilla at heart. But I’m glad I read this book. You ought to read it too. It’s fascinating. It’ll open your mind up. Actually, unless you’re into this stuff already, it will probably blow your mind a little. Which isn’t a bad thing. Sure, you too will probably find some of it just too weird or scary. Skip those parts. On the other hand, if your partner ever asks you to spank him (or her), instead of freaking out, you’ll know enough to respond, “Sure, honeybunch, I‘d be happy to help you discover your “spanking sweet spot.“
Or not.
(This essay first appeared in www.womensvoicesforchange.org.)
July 25, 2012
There's some great stuff in here but it was ultimately disappointing. Starting from the beginning was a mistake because I encountered the term "female bodied" one to many times and got annoyed from the outset. [rant/public service announcement: This term is not ok. I identify as male, therefore I have a male body. Period. Some people may identify as male AND identify as having a female body, but that's a personal identity choice and not appropriate to assume.]
Okay, got that out. Secondly... I think what what super exciting about Opening Up was that it avoided the usual "this is my personal philosophy of polyamory" that we get in most books, and instead gave us a synthesized survey of many different styles practiced by many different people. The result was that the book was practical, accessible, embracing of difference, and avoided being preachy.
In this book, the structure is that each chapter is written by a different "expert." So while the book gets props for in-depth(ish) coverage of a wider range of topics than most BDSM 101-style books--(a whole chapter on animal play!)--the coverage of those topics is still subject to individual authors' prejudices, quirks, and preaching.
Which is great, if you really like that writer and their philosophy. But is still limiting. And sucks if you don't agree with the writer, because that's all you get on that topic.
One that I had a lot of trouble with was the chapter on sadism. The author of the chapter, FifthAngel, spends a lot of time explaining why he is a true sadist and a lot of other people who use the term aren't. While what he had to say on the matter was interesting, the tone was so infuriating to me that I had to read it in small portions. If the book had been structured differently, as more of a survey, we would have seen FifthAngel's definition of sadism presented alongside other people's definitions, rather than as the definitive voice that pushes out a lot of other voices.
I do think it's important to listen to people who have a lot of knowledge and experience on a subject. But there are so many people who are knowledgeable and experienced in various kinky topics. So I'm still waiting for an Ultimate Guide to kink.
P.S. If this book was not trying to be an Ultimate Guide I would have liked it a lot more!
Okay, got that out. Secondly... I think what what super exciting about Opening Up was that it avoided the usual "this is my personal philosophy of polyamory" that we get in most books, and instead gave us a synthesized survey of many different styles practiced by many different people. The result was that the book was practical, accessible, embracing of difference, and avoided being preachy.
In this book, the structure is that each chapter is written by a different "expert." So while the book gets props for in-depth(ish) coverage of a wider range of topics than most BDSM 101-style books--(a whole chapter on animal play!)--the coverage of those topics is still subject to individual authors' prejudices, quirks, and preaching.
Which is great, if you really like that writer and their philosophy. But is still limiting. And sucks if you don't agree with the writer, because that's all you get on that topic.
One that I had a lot of trouble with was the chapter on sadism. The author of the chapter, FifthAngel, spends a lot of time explaining why he is a true sadist and a lot of other people who use the term aren't. While what he had to say on the matter was interesting, the tone was so infuriating to me that I had to read it in small portions. If the book had been structured differently, as more of a survey, we would have seen FifthAngel's definition of sadism presented alongside other people's definitions, rather than as the definitive voice that pushes out a lot of other voices.
I do think it's important to listen to people who have a lot of knowledge and experience on a subject. But there are so many people who are knowledgeable and experienced in various kinky topics. So I'm still waiting for an Ultimate Guide to kink.
P.S. If this book was not trying to be an Ultimate Guide I would have liked it a lot more!
May 21, 2012
Heat Rating: Spark
Sting (Kink) Rating: 5 Stars
Story Review Rating: 4 Paddles
Interested in spicing up your love life? Ever have that yearning for something more but not sure what it is or what it means? Interested in something kinky and not sure where to start? Which book will help? The Ultimate Guide to Kink is the book for you! This book is great for beginners to learn about the skills and philosophies of BDSM. The book is divided into two sections. The first ten chapters feature popular BDSM skill sets. The second ten chapters focus on fantasies and philosophies. I found this book to be awesome and will be recommending to all the new to BDSM readers and kinksters alike.
I think this book is even good for those who have been around for awhile. It’s a great refresher. What I liked most is each chapter was written by a person who specialized in that topic. This meant each writing style and instructions were different. Some were better than others. Or it could be some appealed to me more than others. The only reason I didn’t rate this book from a writing perspective as 5 star is because I felt there should be more diagrams and pictures. For a beginner book where people aren’t sure about tools and skills, pictures are worth a thousand words. This is why I appreciated chapter five’s bondage for sex by Midori. The illustrations and simple to follow instructions were helpful.
Reading this book, there were many takeaways I highlighted and bookmarked. Different than my usual book reviews, I’m going to mention the sections I liked best. If I mentioned everything I highlighted, I’d end up with a thirty page cliff notes.
Did you know there are three tenets of flogging? I always thought there were only two – striking the person at the right place and amount of force. Instead, I found the next thought to be all encompassing. The three tenets of flogging are Accuracy, Intensity and Connection (p. 50, Janette Heartwood). Another question I receive frequently is how to train a submissive. I’ve been asked if they can have a generic training plan to follow. In How to train your sex slave, Laura Antoniou specifically calls out, training is personal. Never try to use someone else’s training program.
I thought about Ms. Antoniou’s comment. I have to agree. This begs the question, how does one start as a baby Dom/me? This is not to say don’t look at how other people train. It’s to force us to remember, every relationship is unique and the needs of a Dom/me and submissive/slave are different. Therefore, each training plan must be created for the couple by the couple.
For me, the passage which impacted most is in chapter thirteen by Midori. While the subject is on Femdom, I believe it is applicable to both men and women. What really turns on a submissive partner – it’s all about attitude. If the submissive sense that your heart isn’t in it and you’re just faking it as you deliver the spankings or other ministrations, it kills the thrill. It’s 10 times worse than faking orgasms – which is pretty criminal in itself. The submissive may go along with it just to have an “itch” scratched, while you perform to their expectations – creating a vicious cycle of destructive non-communication. This can only end in ugly resentments (p. 288, Midori). I know this cycle well.
Another point from Midori particularly hit home and explains to me why some people I feel the instant need to submit while others who insist they are Dom/mes make me roll my eyes. Effective Dominance comes from the core of the person. This is why it’s essential to know your archetypes and attributes. No amount of fetish wear can make a dominant out of a woman who hasn’t worked on her power and grace within. Having a collection of great toys won’t make you a great domme either – it just means you know where to shop. The same goes for skills. Knowing a lot of techniques does not alone make you a great domme. It’ll make you a skilled top, but that is different from being a dominant (p. 290, Midori).
These are just a sampling of the thoughts and information I enjoyed and found useful in the book. I highly recommend this book to people looking to try some kinky activity in their life. I recommend it to those who have been in the lifestyle a while and need a refresher. This book is great with the baseline and giving guidance on where to go to next. Finally, I leave you with a quote in the book I loved. “The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom.” ~ Joseph Bean.
Sting (Kink) Rating: 5 Stars
Story Review Rating: 4 Paddles
Interested in spicing up your love life? Ever have that yearning for something more but not sure what it is or what it means? Interested in something kinky and not sure where to start? Which book will help? The Ultimate Guide to Kink is the book for you! This book is great for beginners to learn about the skills and philosophies of BDSM. The book is divided into two sections. The first ten chapters feature popular BDSM skill sets. The second ten chapters focus on fantasies and philosophies. I found this book to be awesome and will be recommending to all the new to BDSM readers and kinksters alike.
I think this book is even good for those who have been around for awhile. It’s a great refresher. What I liked most is each chapter was written by a person who specialized in that topic. This meant each writing style and instructions were different. Some were better than others. Or it could be some appealed to me more than others. The only reason I didn’t rate this book from a writing perspective as 5 star is because I felt there should be more diagrams and pictures. For a beginner book where people aren’t sure about tools and skills, pictures are worth a thousand words. This is why I appreciated chapter five’s bondage for sex by Midori. The illustrations and simple to follow instructions were helpful.
Reading this book, there were many takeaways I highlighted and bookmarked. Different than my usual book reviews, I’m going to mention the sections I liked best. If I mentioned everything I highlighted, I’d end up with a thirty page cliff notes.
Did you know there are three tenets of flogging? I always thought there were only two – striking the person at the right place and amount of force. Instead, I found the next thought to be all encompassing. The three tenets of flogging are Accuracy, Intensity and Connection (p. 50, Janette Heartwood). Another question I receive frequently is how to train a submissive. I’ve been asked if they can have a generic training plan to follow. In How to train your sex slave, Laura Antoniou specifically calls out, training is personal. Never try to use someone else’s training program.
I thought about Ms. Antoniou’s comment. I have to agree. This begs the question, how does one start as a baby Dom/me? This is not to say don’t look at how other people train. It’s to force us to remember, every relationship is unique and the needs of a Dom/me and submissive/slave are different. Therefore, each training plan must be created for the couple by the couple.
For me, the passage which impacted most is in chapter thirteen by Midori. While the subject is on Femdom, I believe it is applicable to both men and women. What really turns on a submissive partner – it’s all about attitude. If the submissive sense that your heart isn’t in it and you’re just faking it as you deliver the spankings or other ministrations, it kills the thrill. It’s 10 times worse than faking orgasms – which is pretty criminal in itself. The submissive may go along with it just to have an “itch” scratched, while you perform to their expectations – creating a vicious cycle of destructive non-communication. This can only end in ugly resentments (p. 288, Midori). I know this cycle well.
Another point from Midori particularly hit home and explains to me why some people I feel the instant need to submit while others who insist they are Dom/mes make me roll my eyes. Effective Dominance comes from the core of the person. This is why it’s essential to know your archetypes and attributes. No amount of fetish wear can make a dominant out of a woman who hasn’t worked on her power and grace within. Having a collection of great toys won’t make you a great domme either – it just means you know where to shop. The same goes for skills. Knowing a lot of techniques does not alone make you a great domme. It’ll make you a skilled top, but that is different from being a dominant (p. 290, Midori).
These are just a sampling of the thoughts and information I enjoyed and found useful in the book. I highly recommend this book to people looking to try some kinky activity in their life. I recommend it to those who have been in the lifestyle a while and need a refresher. This book is great with the baseline and giving guidance on where to go to next. Finally, I leave you with a quote in the book I loved. “The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom.” ~ Joseph Bean.
May 22, 2014
It has been quite a few years since we have had a new BDSM 101 book, leaving us with books that were generally written in the mid to late 90s - perfectly good and useful books but dated nonetheless. Tristan Taormino's latest book, The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge is a excellent way to break that long dry spell!
I was hooked with the introduction, but to be fair I'm generally a huge fan of Tristan's writing. This, however, is so perfectly descriptive of my experience in the kink community:
"That's what's so ironic about the conservative backlash against BDSMers. With increased visibility comes increased bigotry, and conservatives continue to rally against kinky events by local groups to get them shut down. What the anti-kink fanatics don't understand about us is that we're geeks. Sex nerds. SM intellectuals. We pay money to spend a weekend going to classes."
Sex nerds. Yup. That's me and most of my friends.
From there, The Ultimate Guide to Kink deviates from the norm for books on BDSM in that each chapter is written by someone who has extensive experience with the given topic. When I first heard about it, I was disappointed that the whole thing hadn't been written by Tristan, but after reading a few chapters I'm convinced this is a far better idea. Rather than one author trying to cover all the bases, this gives you not only the information but also the passion these people feel for their topics. These include plenty of the standards: impact play, bondage, cbt, role play; some upper level areas: vaginal and anal fisting, play piercing, animal play, rough sex; and a hefty helping of subjects that rarely see the light of day outside of edgier conferences: age play, well thought out submission and sadism, taboo role play, and mindfuck. I found a good solid handful of new ideas, which is rare seeing as I've read most of the BDSM 101+ books on the market.
My personal favorites were "Kinky Twisted Tantra" by Barbara Carrellas, "Submissive: A Personal Manifesto" by Madison Young, "Inside the Mind of a Sadist" by FifthAngel, and "Mindfuck" by Edge but every essay is excellent. Plus, it left me itching to go play which is what a good BDSM book should do, right?
I was hooked with the introduction, but to be fair I'm generally a huge fan of Tristan's writing. This, however, is so perfectly descriptive of my experience in the kink community:
"That's what's so ironic about the conservative backlash against BDSMers. With increased visibility comes increased bigotry, and conservatives continue to rally against kinky events by local groups to get them shut down. What the anti-kink fanatics don't understand about us is that we're geeks. Sex nerds. SM intellectuals. We pay money to spend a weekend going to classes."
Sex nerds. Yup. That's me and most of my friends.
From there, The Ultimate Guide to Kink deviates from the norm for books on BDSM in that each chapter is written by someone who has extensive experience with the given topic. When I first heard about it, I was disappointed that the whole thing hadn't been written by Tristan, but after reading a few chapters I'm convinced this is a far better idea. Rather than one author trying to cover all the bases, this gives you not only the information but also the passion these people feel for their topics. These include plenty of the standards: impact play, bondage, cbt, role play; some upper level areas: vaginal and anal fisting, play piercing, animal play, rough sex; and a hefty helping of subjects that rarely see the light of day outside of edgier conferences: age play, well thought out submission and sadism, taboo role play, and mindfuck. I found a good solid handful of new ideas, which is rare seeing as I've read most of the BDSM 101+ books on the market.
My personal favorites were "Kinky Twisted Tantra" by Barbara Carrellas, "Submissive: A Personal Manifesto" by Madison Young, "Inside the Mind of a Sadist" by FifthAngel, and "Mindfuck" by Edge but every essay is excellent. Plus, it left me itching to go play which is what a good BDSM book should do, right?
July 18, 2012
If you are kinky, or think you may be kinky, or you hope to possibly find out that you're kinky, I can't recommend this book enough. I don't care how long you've been in the scene, or how many pins are on your bar vest, you should have a copy of this book! I guarantee that there will be something in it that you didn't know, or haven't tried, or haven't looked at in quite that way before. And chances are very, very good that there will be something among those new areas that will make you curious, if not tempted. The ultimate guide to kink is a fantastic variety of essays on so many different ways to express our kinky sides, all written by people who really know their stuff in the area they're writing about.
While I didn't recognize all of the names in the list of authors, I recognized enough for it to read like a Who's Who of the BDSM education circuit, all grouped together in one convenient tome to tell you all about the areas about which they're most passionate. While the voices differ (understandably) they are all thoughtful, insightful, passionate, well-written, well-edited and arranged with a flow that makes you want to read the whole thing in one sitting, cover-to-cover. And sexy! This book is put together in such a way that even for the things that might not be "my kink" I couldn't help but feel the erotic charge that was brought to the table by those who love it. This is one seriously hawt book.
The book is definitely more geared toward letting their voices of its contributors shine than on bombarding you with pretty pictures and illustrations (which suits me just fine,) but there are enough diagrams in certain sections, particularly bondage and fisting, that if you choose to pick up the ebook copy instead of the paper one I suggest you install it on a computer or larger tablet as well. I found the labelling on the diagrams illegible on my 6" kindle screen.
The book also does an excellent job of reminding us about what's important about all that kinky stuff that we so love: we do it because we love it, and it only works when everyone involved is getting something (positive) out of it. Consent, negotiation, and safer sex practices are critical, and I'm grateful that all the contributors to this book can't stress that fact enough. Bah, I can just hear some of you muttering, that stuff's for sissy amateurs, real kinksters can't be bothered with those things! To those hypothetical detractors I say: Take another look at the list of contributors to this book, really look at that list of names, and I double-dog-dare you to tell me that that list of kinky superstarts aren't "real" knksters. Go on. I triple-dog dare you.
My rating: 5/5 caged and bound puppy-boys all ripe for the spanking.
---
((This marks the end of my review. What follows, for those who are interested, is my snapshot impression of each of the chapters in the book. ))
---
Part 1: Skills and Techniques
1. "S is for...": The Terms, Principles, and Pleasures of Kink by Tristan Taormino:
The intro is definitely a must-read for people who are new(ish) to many of the activities in this book, since it provides, among other things, a short glossary of terms used frequently in the rest of the book. It is a good read all by itself, though, setting the tone for what's to come, and stressing those things that are really important when practicing all these delicious kinks.
Notable quotable: "The kink community is based on the radical notion that people can express their erotic needs and desires and have them met." Wouldn't it be nice if everyone had this?
2. Making an Impact: Spanking, Caning, and Flogging by Lolita Wolf: This is a delightful progression from discussing the simple joy of a skin-to-skin spanking to some of the finer points of other kinds of impact play. Lolita Wolf provides the reader with the means to craft an entire scene (or two or seven!) out of this common but occasionally under-appreciated method of kinky play.
Notable Quotable: "A spanking scene should not be rushed. Feel the intimacy. Enjoy this different kind of closeness." Mmmmm. Spanking.
3. How to Train Your Sex Slave by Laura Antoniou: How do you take a fantasy that's been simmering in your head for years, and an equally sexy but more than likely very different one that's been simmering in your partner's and twist them into something that can actually work in real life without getting one or both of you arrested? Laura helps guide readers through the process of developing their own training methodologies (she warns against trying to use anyone else's "manual") and handles tricky issues like incorporating that peksy real life and managing expectations, all in her trademark wildly amusing style.
Notable Quotable: "To make amends for your toe sucking catastrophe, you will have to attend the next chick flick/action adventure movie with me and not whisper a single catty thing during the entire show." That's just pure, unadulterated, evil.
The article also happens to contain what I might just steal for all future self-defining introductions, as it deals with the difference between tops and bottoms: "People who meander from one side to the other are called awesomely sexy--or, sometimes, switches." Finally, someone gets how magnificent those of us of the switchy persuasion are!
4. Whole Hand Sex: Vaginal Fisting and BDSM by Sarah Sloane: My very biased opinion puts fisting up there near the very tippy-top of all sex acts that could possibly be performed on or with anyone lucky enough to own a vagina. (I haven't tried anal fisting yet, but it's definitely on my `to do' list!) This essay is one of the better treatments of the subject I've read, with clear diagrams and simple language, and while it's got lots of `how to' savvy for the technical details, it also doesn't ignore the mental aspects of fisting play.
Notable Quotable: "The end goal of a fisting ... is to heighten the sense of intimacy between partners." Also, to make me go "squee!" Hooray for fisting!
5. Bondage for Sex by Midori: Midori is a fantastic writer and a rope-play goddess, and this chapter makes sure anyone who hasn't yet been lucky to read her before (and those of us who have!) knows it. This is one chapter you'll want to read on something bigger than an e-book reader if it's electronic. The diagrams could definitely use the bigger screen to be useful as guides. Midori shows you not only how to tie someone out, but how to create a mind-blowing scene while doing so.
Notable Quotable: "Dead bottom, bad bondage. Bad top, no biscuit!"
Oh! And also: "Commence sexing!" This phrase does NOT get used enough in life.
6. A Little C*ck and Ball Play by Hardy Haberman: Every top who has ever had, or who hopes to have, a twig-and-berries-wielding partner can benefit from this lovely guide on how to gift-wrap, torture and/or delight their partner while helping you make sure that there are no unexpected trips to the emergency room.
Notable Quotable: "I never like to play recklessly with my partner's genitals, since I usually want the opportunity to play with them again."
7. Kinky Twisted Tantra by Barbara Carrellas: I admit to having had exactly zero interest in tantra before reading this essay. (Hey, no one has ALL the kinks, right?) But my lack of tantric sex on my to-do list didn't stop me from enjoying the article, and coming away from it with several things to think about to increase intimacy and connection during scenes. Still not sure I'll be trying the excercies listed in the book, but I might surprise myself some day!
Notable Quotable: "Try to release your expectations of what you think should happen as well as your desire to make something happen." Tantra or not, this is good stuff.
8. Piercing Scenes by FifthAngel: This article includes a good supply list of things you'll need, a good indication of the precautions that you and your partner should take while trying it out, and some delicious suggestions for how to make your partner look pretty as a pin-cushion. More than that, it makes me want to stick needles in people, so mission accomplished!
Notable Quotable: "Besides, a cold room can make the nipple erect and easier to pierce--when you get more pokes under your belt.(Okay, I might have a nipple fetish.)" Me too, FifthAngel. Me too.
9. Brutal Affection: Playing with Rough Sex by Felice Shays: For some reason, even many people who will happily tie up and whip their partners draw the line at rough sex. Not Felice Shays, though, and she's here to tell you all about how to make a superhot night of rough and rugged sex even sexier. This whole chapter was a turn-on for me. Yum!
Notable Quotable: "I'm a fan of `I want this' images sent via text or email, or left in the medicine cabinet." I need to try this!
10. Butthole Bliss: The Ins and Outs of Anal Fisting by Patrick Califia: If anal fisting wasn't on my `to try' list before reading this essay, I'm pretty sure it would have made the list afterwards. Patrick Califa seduces the readers into something that winds up seeming less like a sex act and more like a blissed-out spiritual event. I want it!
Notable Quotable: "As with every other sex activity in this book, don't knock it if you've never tried it. You never know..." Yes, that!
Part 2: Fantasies and Philosophies
11. Stop, Drop, and Role! Erotic Role Playing by Mollena Williams: I thought my imagination had come up with a lot of roleplaying scenarios, but this just goes to show there are more out there! If you've ever wondered how to get a squee-tastic fantasy out of your head and into your bedroom (or abandoned farmhouse), then this essay is for you. If you haven't, then get to imagining, buster!
Notable Quotable: "Once you put on your `How do I make this hot?" glasses, opportunities to sex up quotidian scenarios will blossom all around you." Ooh, the ways I can make that work!
12. A Romp on the Wild Side: Erotic Human Animal Role Playing by Lee Harrington: Ever considered erotic roleplay as a hippopotamus? You neither? Then definitely read this chapter and find out everything that you didn't even know there was to know about animal roleplay and how to add it to your kinky sex life.
Notable Quotable: "A first time scene is not the best time to invest in the milking equipment and full Swedish country girl costume--save that for after you know everyone is actually into it." That actually sounds delightfully naughty. I wonder who I can convince to give that a whirl with me?
13. ForteFemme: The Art and Philosophy of Feminine Dominance by Midori: If you're of the masculine persuasion, don't click the "skip this chapter" button just yet. Everyone has a feminine side, and sometimes half the fun is in finding her and seeing what she does when you hand her a whip. This is an article on the art of topping, or maybe on domming. (Is that a real word?) I'm convinced that you don't need to have boobs to benefit from the many fantastic ideas in this essay.
Notable Quotable: "A fine domme ... knows that she is not in a Dominant/submissive relationship with the entire world and that the tine and attitude of dominance wielded upon unconsenting people will only earn her their contempt and disrespect. Only misguided, insecure bullies display such behaviour." I'd like to print off a million copies of this and paste it to the walls of every play-space, fet hall and dungeon on the planet.
14. Submissive: A Personal Manifesto by Madison Young: To those who don't practice the D/s aspect of kink, or those who are the top-only variety, a submissive can be a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in chains and a ballgag. This essay does a bang-up job of clearing away some of that mystery, and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to understand a bit better why submissives do what they do, and what they get out of it.
Notable Quotable: "After six years together, my partner and I have found what works for us. And this is what works for us." And isn't that all that should matter?
15. Enhancing Masochism: How to Expand Limits and Increase Desire by Patrick Califia. No two ways about it, this chapter is hawt, hawt, hawt. Every relationship I've ever been in, kinky or vanilla, has eventually hit that point where we both essentially said "well ok, what now?" How I wish I'd had this book when I hit that wall in those relationships that were sadomasochistic in nature!
Notable quotable: "Remember that the point of doing a scene is how it makes you feel, not the techniques or toys being used. A good top understands this, and won't throw a hissy if you need to be beaten with a terry-cloth bathrobe tie." Hey! Terry cloth can be sexy, too!
16. Inside the Mind of a Sadist by FifthAngel: This particular essay deals specifically with people who get turned on by inflicting some degree of pain, discomfort, or suffering on their (willing) partners. This is pretty freaking hawt, but might not be the service top's cup of tea.
Notable Quotable: "If you do not fit the behaviour, don't change the established definition of a word that describes the behaviour to make it fit you." This is a good point, and something I've seen happen frequently, causing much confusion and potentially even a dangerous situation or two.
17. Age Role Play by Ignacio Rivera, aka Papí Coxxx: This is one of those sections that I had zero interest in before reading this book, but I'll be damned if Ignacio Rivera can't make it seem re-freaking-diculously sexy. With tons of vignettes of scenes to get the imagination running, they do a great job of showing off the enticing side of age play. I can definitely take this activity off of my "no thanks" list and slip into the "yeah, maybe!" one.
Notable Quotable: "Don't worry, you are entitled to change your formula. You are the evil scientist of your desires." I love this. Very, very much.
18. Digging in the Dirt: The Lure of Taboo Role Play by Mollena Williams: Delve into the cathartic and seriously sensual potential of roleplaying scenarios that in any other context might repulse you (or land you in jail!) As the author explains, having those desires and even wanting to act them out isn't wrong, or bad, or even unfeminist, if done consensually and you take the care to look after each other before, during and after the play.
Notable Quotable: "Naughty is nice. Bad is good. Evil is better. Violence is love and fantasy is a secret passageway into a reality gone deliciously, dangerously, erotically haywire." Woof!
19. The Dark Side by Jack Rinella: Follow Jack Rinella in a sexperimental walk on the dark side, and you can almost fit right inside his head as you discover that other, meaner, eviller side to play. The nasty, selfish and wicked side. See where reality collides with fantasy, and where the two are able to mesh, and where they sometimes simply can't.
Notable Quotable: "The great value of our BDSM subculture, I believe, is that it creates the conditions for us to experiment with desire without limit, judgement, or exception."
20. Mindf*ck by Edge: A mindf*ck is the pinnacle, I think, of fantasy made reality (or almost so.) Some things that we just physically cannot do in a consensual and ethical way, can be approximated when you play around with someone's brain. It's crazy sexy, and also really hard to pull off. This chapter gives you some tools for doing just that, and some really, really hawt ideas to rip off, too. Definitely more to add to my "to do" list here.
Notable Quotable: "I'm going to sound like a psycho killer at times. I am not. Promise." But isn't the joy of the mindf*ck that we don't really know that for sure?
While I didn't recognize all of the names in the list of authors, I recognized enough for it to read like a Who's Who of the BDSM education circuit, all grouped together in one convenient tome to tell you all about the areas about which they're most passionate. While the voices differ (understandably) they are all thoughtful, insightful, passionate, well-written, well-edited and arranged with a flow that makes you want to read the whole thing in one sitting, cover-to-cover. And sexy! This book is put together in such a way that even for the things that might not be "my kink" I couldn't help but feel the erotic charge that was brought to the table by those who love it. This is one seriously hawt book.
The book is definitely more geared toward letting their voices of its contributors shine than on bombarding you with pretty pictures and illustrations (which suits me just fine,) but there are enough diagrams in certain sections, particularly bondage and fisting, that if you choose to pick up the ebook copy instead of the paper one I suggest you install it on a computer or larger tablet as well. I found the labelling on the diagrams illegible on my 6" kindle screen.
The book also does an excellent job of reminding us about what's important about all that kinky stuff that we so love: we do it because we love it, and it only works when everyone involved is getting something (positive) out of it. Consent, negotiation, and safer sex practices are critical, and I'm grateful that all the contributors to this book can't stress that fact enough. Bah, I can just hear some of you muttering, that stuff's for sissy amateurs, real kinksters can't be bothered with those things! To those hypothetical detractors I say: Take another look at the list of contributors to this book, really look at that list of names, and I double-dog-dare you to tell me that that list of kinky superstarts aren't "real" knksters. Go on. I triple-dog dare you.
My rating: 5/5 caged and bound puppy-boys all ripe for the spanking.
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((This marks the end of my review. What follows, for those who are interested, is my snapshot impression of each of the chapters in the book. ))
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Part 1: Skills and Techniques
1. "S is for...": The Terms, Principles, and Pleasures of Kink by Tristan Taormino:
The intro is definitely a must-read for people who are new(ish) to many of the activities in this book, since it provides, among other things, a short glossary of terms used frequently in the rest of the book. It is a good read all by itself, though, setting the tone for what's to come, and stressing those things that are really important when practicing all these delicious kinks.
Notable quotable: "The kink community is based on the radical notion that people can express their erotic needs and desires and have them met." Wouldn't it be nice if everyone had this?
2. Making an Impact: Spanking, Caning, and Flogging by Lolita Wolf: This is a delightful progression from discussing the simple joy of a skin-to-skin spanking to some of the finer points of other kinds of impact play. Lolita Wolf provides the reader with the means to craft an entire scene (or two or seven!) out of this common but occasionally under-appreciated method of kinky play.
Notable Quotable: "A spanking scene should not be rushed. Feel the intimacy. Enjoy this different kind of closeness." Mmmmm. Spanking.
3. How to Train Your Sex Slave by Laura Antoniou: How do you take a fantasy that's been simmering in your head for years, and an equally sexy but more than likely very different one that's been simmering in your partner's and twist them into something that can actually work in real life without getting one or both of you arrested? Laura helps guide readers through the process of developing their own training methodologies (she warns against trying to use anyone else's "manual") and handles tricky issues like incorporating that peksy real life and managing expectations, all in her trademark wildly amusing style.
Notable Quotable: "To make amends for your toe sucking catastrophe, you will have to attend the next chick flick/action adventure movie with me and not whisper a single catty thing during the entire show." That's just pure, unadulterated, evil.
The article also happens to contain what I might just steal for all future self-defining introductions, as it deals with the difference between tops and bottoms: "People who meander from one side to the other are called awesomely sexy--or, sometimes, switches." Finally, someone gets how magnificent those of us of the switchy persuasion are!
4. Whole Hand Sex: Vaginal Fisting and BDSM by Sarah Sloane: My very biased opinion puts fisting up there near the very tippy-top of all sex acts that could possibly be performed on or with anyone lucky enough to own a vagina. (I haven't tried anal fisting yet, but it's definitely on my `to do' list!) This essay is one of the better treatments of the subject I've read, with clear diagrams and simple language, and while it's got lots of `how to' savvy for the technical details, it also doesn't ignore the mental aspects of fisting play.
Notable Quotable: "The end goal of a fisting ... is to heighten the sense of intimacy between partners." Also, to make me go "squee!" Hooray for fisting!
5. Bondage for Sex by Midori: Midori is a fantastic writer and a rope-play goddess, and this chapter makes sure anyone who hasn't yet been lucky to read her before (and those of us who have!) knows it. This is one chapter you'll want to read on something bigger than an e-book reader if it's electronic. The diagrams could definitely use the bigger screen to be useful as guides. Midori shows you not only how to tie someone out, but how to create a mind-blowing scene while doing so.
Notable Quotable: "Dead bottom, bad bondage. Bad top, no biscuit!"
Oh! And also: "Commence sexing!" This phrase does NOT get used enough in life.
6. A Little C*ck and Ball Play by Hardy Haberman: Every top who has ever had, or who hopes to have, a twig-and-berries-wielding partner can benefit from this lovely guide on how to gift-wrap, torture and/or delight their partner while helping you make sure that there are no unexpected trips to the emergency room.
Notable Quotable: "I never like to play recklessly with my partner's genitals, since I usually want the opportunity to play with them again."
7. Kinky Twisted Tantra by Barbara Carrellas: I admit to having had exactly zero interest in tantra before reading this essay. (Hey, no one has ALL the kinks, right?) But my lack of tantric sex on my to-do list didn't stop me from enjoying the article, and coming away from it with several things to think about to increase intimacy and connection during scenes. Still not sure I'll be trying the excercies listed in the book, but I might surprise myself some day!
Notable Quotable: "Try to release your expectations of what you think should happen as well as your desire to make something happen." Tantra or not, this is good stuff.
8. Piercing Scenes by FifthAngel: This article includes a good supply list of things you'll need, a good indication of the precautions that you and your partner should take while trying it out, and some delicious suggestions for how to make your partner look pretty as a pin-cushion. More than that, it makes me want to stick needles in people, so mission accomplished!
Notable Quotable: "Besides, a cold room can make the nipple erect and easier to pierce--when you get more pokes under your belt.(Okay, I might have a nipple fetish.)" Me too, FifthAngel. Me too.
9. Brutal Affection: Playing with Rough Sex by Felice Shays: For some reason, even many people who will happily tie up and whip their partners draw the line at rough sex. Not Felice Shays, though, and she's here to tell you all about how to make a superhot night of rough and rugged sex even sexier. This whole chapter was a turn-on for me. Yum!
Notable Quotable: "I'm a fan of `I want this' images sent via text or email, or left in the medicine cabinet." I need to try this!
10. Butthole Bliss: The Ins and Outs of Anal Fisting by Patrick Califia: If anal fisting wasn't on my `to try' list before reading this essay, I'm pretty sure it would have made the list afterwards. Patrick Califa seduces the readers into something that winds up seeming less like a sex act and more like a blissed-out spiritual event. I want it!
Notable Quotable: "As with every other sex activity in this book, don't knock it if you've never tried it. You never know..." Yes, that!
Part 2: Fantasies and Philosophies
11. Stop, Drop, and Role! Erotic Role Playing by Mollena Williams: I thought my imagination had come up with a lot of roleplaying scenarios, but this just goes to show there are more out there! If you've ever wondered how to get a squee-tastic fantasy out of your head and into your bedroom (or abandoned farmhouse), then this essay is for you. If you haven't, then get to imagining, buster!
Notable Quotable: "Once you put on your `How do I make this hot?" glasses, opportunities to sex up quotidian scenarios will blossom all around you." Ooh, the ways I can make that work!
12. A Romp on the Wild Side: Erotic Human Animal Role Playing by Lee Harrington: Ever considered erotic roleplay as a hippopotamus? You neither? Then definitely read this chapter and find out everything that you didn't even know there was to know about animal roleplay and how to add it to your kinky sex life.
Notable Quotable: "A first time scene is not the best time to invest in the milking equipment and full Swedish country girl costume--save that for after you know everyone is actually into it." That actually sounds delightfully naughty. I wonder who I can convince to give that a whirl with me?
13. ForteFemme: The Art and Philosophy of Feminine Dominance by Midori: If you're of the masculine persuasion, don't click the "skip this chapter" button just yet. Everyone has a feminine side, and sometimes half the fun is in finding her and seeing what she does when you hand her a whip. This is an article on the art of topping, or maybe on domming. (Is that a real word?) I'm convinced that you don't need to have boobs to benefit from the many fantastic ideas in this essay.
Notable Quotable: "A fine domme ... knows that she is not in a Dominant/submissive relationship with the entire world and that the tine and attitude of dominance wielded upon unconsenting people will only earn her their contempt and disrespect. Only misguided, insecure bullies display such behaviour." I'd like to print off a million copies of this and paste it to the walls of every play-space, fet hall and dungeon on the planet.
14. Submissive: A Personal Manifesto by Madison Young: To those who don't practice the D/s aspect of kink, or those who are the top-only variety, a submissive can be a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in chains and a ballgag. This essay does a bang-up job of clearing away some of that mystery, and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to understand a bit better why submissives do what they do, and what they get out of it.
Notable Quotable: "After six years together, my partner and I have found what works for us. And this is what works for us." And isn't that all that should matter?
15. Enhancing Masochism: How to Expand Limits and Increase Desire by Patrick Califia. No two ways about it, this chapter is hawt, hawt, hawt. Every relationship I've ever been in, kinky or vanilla, has eventually hit that point where we both essentially said "well ok, what now?" How I wish I'd had this book when I hit that wall in those relationships that were sadomasochistic in nature!
Notable quotable: "Remember that the point of doing a scene is how it makes you feel, not the techniques or toys being used. A good top understands this, and won't throw a hissy if you need to be beaten with a terry-cloth bathrobe tie." Hey! Terry cloth can be sexy, too!
16. Inside the Mind of a Sadist by FifthAngel: This particular essay deals specifically with people who get turned on by inflicting some degree of pain, discomfort, or suffering on their (willing) partners. This is pretty freaking hawt, but might not be the service top's cup of tea.
Notable Quotable: "If you do not fit the behaviour, don't change the established definition of a word that describes the behaviour to make it fit you." This is a good point, and something I've seen happen frequently, causing much confusion and potentially even a dangerous situation or two.
17. Age Role Play by Ignacio Rivera, aka Papí Coxxx: This is one of those sections that I had zero interest in before reading this book, but I'll be damned if Ignacio Rivera can't make it seem re-freaking-diculously sexy. With tons of vignettes of scenes to get the imagination running, they do a great job of showing off the enticing side of age play. I can definitely take this activity off of my "no thanks" list and slip into the "yeah, maybe!" one.
Notable Quotable: "Don't worry, you are entitled to change your formula. You are the evil scientist of your desires." I love this. Very, very much.
18. Digging in the Dirt: The Lure of Taboo Role Play by Mollena Williams: Delve into the cathartic and seriously sensual potential of roleplaying scenarios that in any other context might repulse you (or land you in jail!) As the author explains, having those desires and even wanting to act them out isn't wrong, or bad, or even unfeminist, if done consensually and you take the care to look after each other before, during and after the play.
Notable Quotable: "Naughty is nice. Bad is good. Evil is better. Violence is love and fantasy is a secret passageway into a reality gone deliciously, dangerously, erotically haywire." Woof!
19. The Dark Side by Jack Rinella: Follow Jack Rinella in a sexperimental walk on the dark side, and you can almost fit right inside his head as you discover that other, meaner, eviller side to play. The nasty, selfish and wicked side. See where reality collides with fantasy, and where the two are able to mesh, and where they sometimes simply can't.
Notable Quotable: "The great value of our BDSM subculture, I believe, is that it creates the conditions for us to experiment with desire without limit, judgement, or exception."
20. Mindf*ck by Edge: A mindf*ck is the pinnacle, I think, of fantasy made reality (or almost so.) Some things that we just physically cannot do in a consensual and ethical way, can be approximated when you play around with someone's brain. It's crazy sexy, and also really hard to pull off. This chapter gives you some tools for doing just that, and some really, really hawt ideas to rip off, too. Definitely more to add to my "to do" list here.
Notable Quotable: "I'm going to sound like a psycho killer at times. I am not. Promise." But isn't the joy of the mindf*ck that we don't really know that for sure?
June 21, 2013
This book is something new in the BDSM guide genre. Well-written and engaging, the essays come from some of the most respected kinky educators and focus on the areas those educators know best. More practical than Different Loving, more theoretical (and less judgmental) than SM 101, this collection strikes quite a balance between the how-to of various kinks and the motivation behind why we practice. The book has a very contemporary feel, scanning many of the major elements of what you'll see in today's major scene and reading a little like a text version of Kink Academy or your local convention.
This anthology isn't exactly a 101, but it will serve beginners well, particularly when paired with the New Topping Book and/or the New Bottoming Book. It starts with fairly basic topics including impact play, bondage, and rough sex, moves through D/s and roleplay, and eventually gets to some of the more controversial stuff like dark roleplay and taboos. It's not comprehensive but is a great slice of what's out there. The only thing I was really missing was some discussion of gender or trans/queer play. Kudos to Tristan on pulling together another amazing book for the modern freak-flag-flying crowd.
This anthology isn't exactly a 101, but it will serve beginners well, particularly when paired with the New Topping Book and/or the New Bottoming Book. It starts with fairly basic topics including impact play, bondage, and rough sex, moves through D/s and roleplay, and eventually gets to some of the more controversial stuff like dark roleplay and taboos. It's not comprehensive but is a great slice of what's out there. The only thing I was really missing was some discussion of gender or trans/queer play. Kudos to Tristan on pulling together another amazing book for the modern freak-flag-flying crowd.
April 28, 2012
*Reading for review* Looking forward to learning some deee-licious stuff... *wink*
Finished, exceptionally good. Will update with full review once posted at Arketipo187.com
ETA: The Blurb: The Ultimate Guide to Kink is the first major guide to BDSM in a generation—a bold and sexy collection of essays that run the gamut from expert how-to tutorials to provocative essays that delve into complex questions about desire, power, and pleasure. The book brings together diverse voices from the kink community in an unprecedented way: each chapter is written by a different sexuality/BDSM educator. Divided into two sections, the first section features thorough, thoughtful pieces—on everything from flogging to bondage—packed with techniques and beautifully illustrated with original images from artist Katie Diamond. The second section is dedicated to role-playing fantasies and personal manifestos. From age play to masochism, these chapters cover some of the edgiest, most taboo and controversial elements of kink in depth. The Ultimate Guide to Kink features the expertise of renowned educators writing passionately on their favorite subjects, including Patrick Califia, Midori, Laura Antoniou, Barbara Carrellas, Lee Harrington, Jack Rinella, Lolita Wolf, Madison Young, Hardy Haberman, Felice Shays, Ignacio Rivera, Sarah Sloane, Mollena Williams, FifthAngel, and Edge. It will educate, inspire, and challenge both newcomers to the world of kink and experienced BDSM players.
The Cover: A collage of the typical images that come to mind when you think of the word “kink” — black leather boots, chains, and lace-up pants. Three of the four images depict human hands — because our hands are the best and most easily available sex toys. The perfect way to elicit the right mood in the reader, get us into the right “headspace” to enjoy the book.
The Book: Whenever I read a book edited by Tristan Taormino, I look forward to her introductions just as much – and sometimes more – than to the stories. This is no exception. She starts out by giving us readers some heartening news about how kink has become more and more “mainstream” in recent years, thanks to the internet. It’s about time, right? Then she proceeds to explain how and why this guide is relevant at this point in time. Let’s just say that, if I’d been highlighting interesting and well-crafted sentences in her writing, the whole introduction would have been highlighted. For instance, the following sentence defining what kinksters do when they get together in public events:
“We learn skills that we can translate into every part of our life: how to claim our desires, negotiate for what we want and need, set boundaries, communicate limits, acknowledge power dynamics, celebrate sexuality, and accept each other’s differences.”
This is not fiction, people. This is a comprehensive collection of clear, concise, and expert advice on kink. The concept of kink itself is open and all-inclusive. The definition of the term, according to Ms. Taormino is: “an intimate experience, an exchange of power between people who can be physical, erotic, sexual, psychological, spiritual, or, most often, some combination. It’s the people, practices, and communities that move beyond traditional ideas about sex to explore the edges of eroticism.”
To me, that sounds like enlightenment, my friends.
The book is divided into two main parts:
• “Skills and Techniques” which includes a glossary of terms, and sections on spanking, bondage, fisting, rough sex, and other kinks. This section is a simple to understand and easy to read “how-to” manual for those topics. It is beautifully illustrated to show some of the concepts, rather than going into cryptic and impossible to visualize Kama Sutra-like descriptions.
• “Fantasies and Philosophies” goes deeper into the darker aspects of kink, like Domination, submission, masochism, sadism, and the taboo practices in role play. These types of play have always been a part of the kink scene, but have been kept quiet and “in the closet” precisely because they show the dark side of the human psyche.
Overall, there are several themes repeated over and over by all the contributors:
• Safe, sane, and consensual; risk-aware consensual kink – Effective communication and consent are threads consistently present in every single chapter of this book. It seems to me that kinksters are way ahead of the rest of us in that department.
• Safer-sex – there is no safe sex, but you can take the necessary steps to protect yourself and your partner(s). It doesn’t have to stop the fun, though.
• There is nothing wrong with being sexually kinky. Discard all those messages that society imposes as the rules and regulations you must follow. In the intimacy of your sexual life, between consenting, risk-aware adults, anything goes.
Even if you have never thought of rope as anything but a good tool for hanging clothes to dry, there’s lots of good stuff in this book. For example, the chapter on erotic role play gave me an “aha” moment. I’ve always had a problem mentally bridging the awkward distance I feel between me and the fictional characters I create for my writing. The solution is to go back to my all-time favorite pastime of childhood, playing “let’s pretend…” When I get “into” my character’s skin, the distance is gone and I can relate what I see, hear, and feel much better. My reader will then be able to experience the story much more vividly, too.
One thing is for sure: if I ever decide to take a walk on the dark side, my wish would be for Patrick Califia to be the one riding that edge with me. Mercy!
For all of you who might be curious about BDSM and edgy erotic play. For those who jumped in feet first but without much research, wanting to experience the thrill of giving or receiving pleasurable pain or control. For those into the scene already, who want to continue to learn and grow. For anyone who wants to read a good, no-nonsense guide to kink. This is the book for you.
Finished, exceptionally good. Will update with full review once posted at Arketipo187.com
ETA: The Blurb: The Ultimate Guide to Kink is the first major guide to BDSM in a generation—a bold and sexy collection of essays that run the gamut from expert how-to tutorials to provocative essays that delve into complex questions about desire, power, and pleasure. The book brings together diverse voices from the kink community in an unprecedented way: each chapter is written by a different sexuality/BDSM educator. Divided into two sections, the first section features thorough, thoughtful pieces—on everything from flogging to bondage—packed with techniques and beautifully illustrated with original images from artist Katie Diamond. The second section is dedicated to role-playing fantasies and personal manifestos. From age play to masochism, these chapters cover some of the edgiest, most taboo and controversial elements of kink in depth. The Ultimate Guide to Kink features the expertise of renowned educators writing passionately on their favorite subjects, including Patrick Califia, Midori, Laura Antoniou, Barbara Carrellas, Lee Harrington, Jack Rinella, Lolita Wolf, Madison Young, Hardy Haberman, Felice Shays, Ignacio Rivera, Sarah Sloane, Mollena Williams, FifthAngel, and Edge. It will educate, inspire, and challenge both newcomers to the world of kink and experienced BDSM players.
The Cover: A collage of the typical images that come to mind when you think of the word “kink” — black leather boots, chains, and lace-up pants. Three of the four images depict human hands — because our hands are the best and most easily available sex toys. The perfect way to elicit the right mood in the reader, get us into the right “headspace” to enjoy the book.
The Book: Whenever I read a book edited by Tristan Taormino, I look forward to her introductions just as much – and sometimes more – than to the stories. This is no exception. She starts out by giving us readers some heartening news about how kink has become more and more “mainstream” in recent years, thanks to the internet. It’s about time, right? Then she proceeds to explain how and why this guide is relevant at this point in time. Let’s just say that, if I’d been highlighting interesting and well-crafted sentences in her writing, the whole introduction would have been highlighted. For instance, the following sentence defining what kinksters do when they get together in public events:
“We learn skills that we can translate into every part of our life: how to claim our desires, negotiate for what we want and need, set boundaries, communicate limits, acknowledge power dynamics, celebrate sexuality, and accept each other’s differences.”
This is not fiction, people. This is a comprehensive collection of clear, concise, and expert advice on kink. The concept of kink itself is open and all-inclusive. The definition of the term, according to Ms. Taormino is: “an intimate experience, an exchange of power between people who can be physical, erotic, sexual, psychological, spiritual, or, most often, some combination. It’s the people, practices, and communities that move beyond traditional ideas about sex to explore the edges of eroticism.”
To me, that sounds like enlightenment, my friends.
The book is divided into two main parts:
• “Skills and Techniques” which includes a glossary of terms, and sections on spanking, bondage, fisting, rough sex, and other kinks. This section is a simple to understand and easy to read “how-to” manual for those topics. It is beautifully illustrated to show some of the concepts, rather than going into cryptic and impossible to visualize Kama Sutra-like descriptions.
• “Fantasies and Philosophies” goes deeper into the darker aspects of kink, like Domination, submission, masochism, sadism, and the taboo practices in role play. These types of play have always been a part of the kink scene, but have been kept quiet and “in the closet” precisely because they show the dark side of the human psyche.
Overall, there are several themes repeated over and over by all the contributors:
• Safe, sane, and consensual; risk-aware consensual kink – Effective communication and consent are threads consistently present in every single chapter of this book. It seems to me that kinksters are way ahead of the rest of us in that department.
• Safer-sex – there is no safe sex, but you can take the necessary steps to protect yourself and your partner(s). It doesn’t have to stop the fun, though.
• There is nothing wrong with being sexually kinky. Discard all those messages that society imposes as the rules and regulations you must follow. In the intimacy of your sexual life, between consenting, risk-aware adults, anything goes.
Even if you have never thought of rope as anything but a good tool for hanging clothes to dry, there’s lots of good stuff in this book. For example, the chapter on erotic role play gave me an “aha” moment. I’ve always had a problem mentally bridging the awkward distance I feel between me and the fictional characters I create for my writing. The solution is to go back to my all-time favorite pastime of childhood, playing “let’s pretend…” When I get “into” my character’s skin, the distance is gone and I can relate what I see, hear, and feel much better. My reader will then be able to experience the story much more vividly, too.
One thing is for sure: if I ever decide to take a walk on the dark side, my wish would be for Patrick Califia to be the one riding that edge with me. Mercy!
For all of you who might be curious about BDSM and edgy erotic play. For those who jumped in feet first but without much research, wanting to experience the thrill of giving or receiving pleasurable pain or control. For those into the scene already, who want to continue to learn and grow. For anyone who wants to read a good, no-nonsense guide to kink. This is the book for you.
February 11, 2013
One of the best books for "behind the scenes" and "inside the mind of" the BDSM community that I have ever read. It's a mix of How To but also looks into the thinking of the various communities, from the leather man who thinks that safety words are a bit sissy, to the black lady who talks frankly about the ramifications of exploring race and rape in the US. Absolutely fantastic and looking forward to reading more Taormino.
August 7, 2015
Currently re-reading this book for dissertation chapter and didn't quite remember just how good it is. The authors offer thoughtful and though-provoking analysis of kink and BDSM.
September 24, 2012
This is an interesting book in that it tries to be a lot of things in one. The book is divided into two sections: the first being a series of how-to articles about various aspects of kinky play, and the second being essays where sex/kink educators talk about their perspectives on a topic. Also, the book is an anthology of different authors, which although not unusual for a book of essays, is rare for a how-to book. It's edited by the inimitable Tristan Taormino who did an excellent job of wrangling all these disparate educators (some of whom had never been published before) and putting together a fairly cohesive work.
However, I think the problem with this book is that it tries to do too much, and in the process ends up being inadequate in any particular aspect. It's a decent overview, but in terms of actually teaching you things you need to know to get a lot of enjoyment out of the things it presents, you'd need more depth. For someone just starting out with exploring this kind of play they would find a few sections of the book to be very helpful, but some of the things in here are pretty advanced and controversial. On the other hand a seasoned kinkster would probably find some of the beginner material, especially in the how-to section, to be a waste of time. For someone who is just interested in knowing more about kink, there's stuff in here that might freak them out or scare them off. So for those reasons I'm not sure I can heartily recommend this book. But it was an interesting read, and I'm sure there is something in it that anyone interested in the topic would enjoy - just that almost anyone would find that there's also parts they would not want to read.... so maybe instead of cover-to-cover as I read it, you could get more out of it by just reading individual chapters. I'd rather see this material packaged into multiple books, rather than all in one.
Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book to review via an offer on Facebook.
However, I think the problem with this book is that it tries to do too much, and in the process ends up being inadequate in any particular aspect. It's a decent overview, but in terms of actually teaching you things you need to know to get a lot of enjoyment out of the things it presents, you'd need more depth. For someone just starting out with exploring this kind of play they would find a few sections of the book to be very helpful, but some of the things in here are pretty advanced and controversial. On the other hand a seasoned kinkster would probably find some of the beginner material, especially in the how-to section, to be a waste of time. For someone who is just interested in knowing more about kink, there's stuff in here that might freak them out or scare them off. So for those reasons I'm not sure I can heartily recommend this book. But it was an interesting read, and I'm sure there is something in it that anyone interested in the topic would enjoy - just that almost anyone would find that there's also parts they would not want to read.... so maybe instead of cover-to-cover as I read it, you could get more out of it by just reading individual chapters. I'd rather see this material packaged into multiple books, rather than all in one.
Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book to review via an offer on Facebook.
October 31, 2017
Packed full of insightful essays, this is a must book for any newbie to the scene...and also some more advanced practitioner and lifestyler. Can give a lot of inspiration & useful tips for your own BDSM scenes.
January 2, 2018
This book provides great information not only on the history of BDSM, but it also provides us with a modern day look into that lifestyle. It explains what certain sexual acts are and why there is appeal to it.
January 24, 2024
This book is not the "ultimate" guide, a much more appropriate title would be a "beginner's" guide. It covers a broad amount of kink related topics, however none in so claimed "ultimate" depths. I reccomend using it as a start point to figure out what kink actually is and what are it's basic components, and then continue with a deeper research with other resources (some are listed at the end of this book which is absolutely amazing!).
This book consists of 2 sections and 20 chapters (if i was the editor, btw, i would change their order to fit "my logic") written by different authors, specialized in a certain topic. Therefor, rating the book as a whole would be slightly biased.
I had the biggest issue with Chapter 2, as i absolutely despised both the writing style and the approach to giving the information the author took on. That chapter was written in a way that only addressed the top and gave explanations only from that POV. I also couldn't get behind the lack of gender inclusive language that could be achieved by using pronouns they/them" (which i later found out is prevalent in the entire book). Same goes for using he and she interchangably, which is very confusing for a reader. Just. Use. They. Some explanations were given in a way that described borderline abuse with no further explanation. If a complete novice came into contact with such information they could take the "she cooks and i beat her" quite literally, which this book should not aim for at all. Teaching people about such delicate topics demands propper vocabulary and some sensitivity when it comes to giving real life examples.
On the complete contrary, i was incredibly in love with the comforting style of writing in Chapter 9, which covered a similar (but not identical) topic as the second one. It directly adressed both parties and gave amazing examples and advice. This author also managed to present the seriousness of the risks related to the topic adressed while still not inducing fear. I could say it both provided knowledge and raised awarness of possible safety hazzards while also giving good tips on how to minimize them.
All over all, this book is not bad as long as:
1. you take it as a "basic" guide and a starting point for your further research.
2. take everything you read with a grain of salt as one subject was only covered by one author, which does not guarantee objective information.
This book consists of 2 sections and 20 chapters (if i was the editor, btw, i would change their order to fit "my logic") written by different authors, specialized in a certain topic. Therefor, rating the book as a whole would be slightly biased.
I had the biggest issue with Chapter 2, as i absolutely despised both the writing style and the approach to giving the information the author took on. That chapter was written in a way that only addressed the top and gave explanations only from that POV. I also couldn't get behind the lack of gender inclusive language that could be achieved by using pronouns they/them" (which i later found out is prevalent in the entire book). Same goes for using he and she interchangably, which is very confusing for a reader. Just. Use. They. Some explanations were given in a way that described borderline abuse with no further explanation. If a complete novice came into contact with such information they could take the "she cooks and i beat her" quite literally, which this book should not aim for at all. Teaching people about such delicate topics demands propper vocabulary and some sensitivity when it comes to giving real life examples.
On the complete contrary, i was incredibly in love with the comforting style of writing in Chapter 9, which covered a similar (but not identical) topic as the second one. It directly adressed both parties and gave amazing examples and advice. This author also managed to present the seriousness of the risks related to the topic adressed while still not inducing fear. I could say it both provided knowledge and raised awarness of possible safety hazzards while also giving good tips on how to minimize them.
All over all, this book is not bad as long as:
1. you take it as a "basic" guide and a starting point for your further research.
2. take everything you read with a grain of salt as one subject was only covered by one author, which does not guarantee objective information.
January 21, 2020
I really like Taormino's guides, they are very educational and helpful and I always learn a thing or two about myself and others. In this one BDSM educators came together to write essays and how-to's about BDSM and kink.
It's divided in sections, the first one is more “how-to...” and thematizes how to give a good whipping or how to do bondage right for example, without really injure someone/do real harm and with consent. How to give pleasure that might hurt. Every author describes what you can do and what you shouldn't do ever, what to consider and some of their own good or bad experiences. There are some chapters that didn't interest me so much (piercing, fisting) and I just flipped through them, but it seems like it's a rather complete guide with the most things I heard of that are common in the scene.
Chapter two is more about fantasies, role-playing and here it's getting a little philosophical from time to time because in some chapters boundaries are discussed. For example, if someone likes rape-play: How is that okay and why would somebody like it, what are the boundaries, how to do it without doing real harm, what to consider (traumas/triggers). I especially liked the chapter about mindfuck, it was written really well, explained how to give someone a good illusion about something that does not really happen and I would love to read more from Edge.
It was all in all a very good guide, made me want to try out things and gave me a good picture. I especially liked it, that common misunderstandings were discussed or stuff like the bottom running the scene or spoiled bottoms. There was a little paragraph about how dom/mes should know the domain of their influence and I will definitely photograph that one for someone I know and who is constantly pestering me with “but I just try to convince you about this because I'm a dom and this is just me” - nope, not with me dude! Maybe these words will help to make him understand his own influence and where it ends.
I want to add, that I am not active in BDSM myself and only read about it or discussed it with friends who are. But I really liked this guide!
It's divided in sections, the first one is more “how-to...” and thematizes how to give a good whipping or how to do bondage right for example, without really injure someone/do real harm and with consent. How to give pleasure that might hurt. Every author describes what you can do and what you shouldn't do ever, what to consider and some of their own good or bad experiences. There are some chapters that didn't interest me so much (piercing, fisting) and I just flipped through them, but it seems like it's a rather complete guide with the most things I heard of that are common in the scene.
Chapter two is more about fantasies, role-playing and here it's getting a little philosophical from time to time because in some chapters boundaries are discussed. For example, if someone likes rape-play: How is that okay and why would somebody like it, what are the boundaries, how to do it without doing real harm, what to consider (traumas/triggers). I especially liked the chapter about mindfuck, it was written really well, explained how to give someone a good illusion about something that does not really happen and I would love to read more from Edge.
It was all in all a very good guide, made me want to try out things and gave me a good picture. I especially liked it, that common misunderstandings were discussed or stuff like the bottom running the scene or spoiled bottoms. There was a little paragraph about how dom/mes should know the domain of their influence and I will definitely photograph that one for someone I know and who is constantly pestering me with “but I just try to convince you about this because I'm a dom and this is just me” - nope, not with me dude! Maybe these words will help to make him understand his own influence and where it ends.
I want to add, that I am not active in BDSM myself and only read about it or discussed it with friends who are. But I really liked this guide!
December 25, 2012
Still really good. Some things are starting to make more sense, others I'm still not able to fully grasp; I picked up on some things I missed the first time through.I don't think it stuck out so much that a high number of these people have been victimized in some way & as a person who works in the field of mental health I find it fascinating that they have found a way to work through their issues in a safe albeit non-traditional way; some are remarkably well versed in psychological terminology without actually being in the field. The book is written by various people in the BDSM community (presumably well respected), is broken into two sections the first on various techniques & the second gives a broad overview of several different forms of play. The chapters get progressively darker &/or edgier chapter by chapter to the final one titled Mindfuck by none of other than Edge. I really enjoyed the personalities of each of the authors; some are cheeky, some are serious, some are spiritual in their respective approaches but all are mindful of safety, taking precautions & having consent, even if it's "consensual nonconsent"-seems to be a step above or possibly synonymous with RACK . At any rate, it's a good book to have in the library if you're interested in learning more about BDSM. Parts of it aren't pretty-this ain't your momma's romance novel with an HEA. It takes modern social mores & turns them on their ear. I learned some things that made me go Oh my... out loud, others made my eyebrows rise up & still others made my pupils kinda dilate *shrugs* oops; some of it is definitely not for the faint of heart but it's all interesting & real...well except for apparently 6 things in Edge's story which he'll enlighten you on if you give him 1 hour. :)
February 24, 2022
I'm pretty new to the BDSM scene, so there's a lot to learn! There are a lot of sources online that I've already used, but I am a bookdragon, so I will always want to learn through reading a book rather than a blog. That said, finding a book about BDSM that had good reviews from almost everybody was hard. But this book stood out, so I gave it a go, and I'm glad.
This book is a compilation of multiple essays by different authors, covering everything form how to discover your kinks, to the Dark Side of BDSM. It was informative and engaging all in one go. I have seen some reviewers that got annoyed at the repetition regarding consent, but I honestly believe it can't be covered enough! Consent is the baseline of BDSM, and the fact that every essay mentioned it, only made me believe that this was a good book even more.
This book was very inclusive in its 'cast' as well. Most of the chapters made a point of including all genders, sexualities, and races, and some of them even mentioned disabled people in a favorable light! As a disabled person, it's been bugging me that I can't seem to find any good representation of myself in the kink community, but this book did give me hope.
This book is for beginners, so people with experience in the scene might become bored quickly. Unless you're picking it up for a refreshment.
This book is a compilation of multiple essays by different authors, covering everything form how to discover your kinks, to the Dark Side of BDSM. It was informative and engaging all in one go. I have seen some reviewers that got annoyed at the repetition regarding consent, but I honestly believe it can't be covered enough! Consent is the baseline of BDSM, and the fact that every essay mentioned it, only made me believe that this was a good book even more.
This book was very inclusive in its 'cast' as well. Most of the chapters made a point of including all genders, sexualities, and races, and some of them even mentioned disabled people in a favorable light! As a disabled person, it's been bugging me that I can't seem to find any good representation of myself in the kink community, but this book did give me hope.
This book is for beginners, so people with experience in the scene might become bored quickly. Unless you're picking it up for a refreshment.
December 21, 2012
The title says it all really. A collection of essay from some of the best BDSM practitioners in the world, this book is, in my opinion, acquired reading for anyone and everyone interested and connected to the Fetish/BDSM community. If you are just starting out, or a seasoned player this book has tons to offer you. Depending on your kink there maybe a couple of chapters that don't appeal to you but I would recommend you read them anyway. The animal play is an example of one of those for me but I am glad I read it. Although it is not my kink, I found it really well written and gave me an insight and understanding into an area of BDSM that I didn't know that much about.
Tristan's intro is one of the best Fetish/BDSM round-ups I have ever read. She writes with a real understanding of the nature of different kinks and does a great job of giving some of the terminology a really definition whilst reminding us that labels are only useful if they mean something to us.
GREAT BOOK. I highly recommend it this all ALL those interested in BDSM. Oh and every erotic fiction writer who writes BDSM stuff but has never actually been involved in a BDSM relationship should read this immediately
Mollyxxx
Tristan's intro is one of the best Fetish/BDSM round-ups I have ever read. She writes with a real understanding of the nature of different kinks and does a great job of giving some of the terminology a really definition whilst reminding us that labels are only useful if they mean something to us.
GREAT BOOK. I highly recommend it this all ALL those interested in BDSM. Oh and every erotic fiction writer who writes BDSM stuff but has never actually been involved in a BDSM relationship should read this immediately
Mollyxxx
January 18, 2014
Great introduction to a wide variety of topics. Some of them I happen to be very interested in and would enjoy (or actually have enjoyed) doing, while others are, frankly, just a bit weird and off-putting. Divided into two parts, the first section is techniques and the latter is fantasies/philosophies. I enjoyed the former somewhat more, I think, if only because it's geared towards the applied aspect of sexuality, which strikes me as more relevant to my own case. There were short passages of erotic literature interlaced throughout these chapters, but I thought them to be unnecessary; their purpose appeared to be to put the techniques in context, but they came off as filler. Yet, I don't want to dismiss the second section, as a proper mindset and perspective can go a long way in creating fantastic sexual experiences. The last few chapters were a bit... "out there," shall we say, but I appreciated the variety of topics and kinds of kink examined. Someone already familiar and experienced in kink would undoubtedly find this work dull and unenlightening. For the rest of us, however, this is an ideal place to dive in.
September 30, 2012
I'm not really sure what to think of this book. As someone who has done a lot of reading on various aspects of kink and attended a few workshops, there wasn't much here that I didn't know already. The book contains both "how-to" information and general essays and theory. Each chapter was written by a different author, so there was quite a bit of repetition. Many topics are covered, including basics, impact play, fisting, rough sex, bondage, CBT, tantra, play piercing, pet play, role play, general D/s and SM, age play and mind fucks. However, as this book tries to be an "ultimate guide", there isn't room for much depth.
I imagine novices would find this book interesting, but at the same time, some of the more "extreme" aspects of BDSM that are touched upon might freak them out a little. The best thing to do is to flip to whatever chapters seem appealing. It is unlikely that every aspect of kink covered in this book will appeal to everyone, so there's no need to read it cover to cover.
I imagine novices would find this book interesting, but at the same time, some of the more "extreme" aspects of BDSM that are touched upon might freak them out a little. The best thing to do is to flip to whatever chapters seem appealing. It is unlikely that every aspect of kink covered in this book will appeal to everyone, so there's no need to read it cover to cover.
June 8, 2012
While portions of the book are decidedly not for me, it's still well-written and will be of good use to anyone who wants to more about kink. The 'Ultimate' in the titles lives up to its name from my point of view, though I'm sure there are cranky people (as there are in every subculture) who might say, "I can't believe they forgot [this]." I really don't know what that might be, but as it stands, I'd say over 400 pages must be fairly thorough. It's not a history lesson, apart from some basics, but a guide — To get you started, to teach you new tricks, or perhaps to satisfy some anthropological urge. I can't tell you what will draw you to The Ultimate Guide to Kink, but if it piques your interest at all, you will likely finish satisfied.
(My full review can be found on Glorified Love Letters.)
(My full review can be found on Glorified Love Letters.)
July 9, 2021
I re-read this last month with a friend so we could discuss their outlook and feelings on kink. It's such a wonderful book, full of acceptance and explanation of kink vs bdsm vs abuse. Consent, consent, consent. Period. A must read for anyone who has desires that they feel stray out of the realm of normalcy - or even if one is completely vanilla. Knowledge is always powerful.
June 15, 2016
Some rather disturbing issues cropping up throughout the entire work. The selected authors are usually the personalities i warn newbies to stay away from. I take serious issue with much of what is written. I would find a better guide.
May 30, 2013
Good stuff. Great for helping me with research to write more edgy erotic romances.
January 9, 2014
If you think your kinky, this is a must read! `Nuff said :p
September 20, 2014
Wow. I've been doing it right all this time...
August 10, 2015
Excellent overview book!
April 4, 2016
Read it cover to cover. Loved it, I learned a lot!
October 31, 2016
Interesting stuff mixed with shallowly written articles. I liked the chapter about mindfuck. Very inspiring :)
February 28, 2025
I love this book - this was a reread.
The book is well paced and extremely informative. There are some subjects I’m more interested in than others but the balance of clinical, historical, personal stories, and practical guides for activities breaks it up nicely and gives you a jumping off point to delve deeper. In my early dips into the lifestyle this book helped me to find sex positive educators to follow and learn from.
If you’re listening to the audiobook I highly suggest following along with a digital or physical copy otherwise you miss out on some great visual resources.
Some things could obviously updated - I’m sure Barbara (Chap 7. Tantra) now understands that it’s it’s inappropriate to say “as a radical queer (I describe myself most frequently as a young black drag queen in a blonde female body)…”.
Other than that - an outstanding resource to start asking questions, having conversations, and finding out what you like.
The book is well paced and extremely informative. There are some subjects I’m more interested in than others but the balance of clinical, historical, personal stories, and practical guides for activities breaks it up nicely and gives you a jumping off point to delve deeper. In my early dips into the lifestyle this book helped me to find sex positive educators to follow and learn from.
If you’re listening to the audiobook I highly suggest following along with a digital or physical copy otherwise you miss out on some great visual resources.
Some things could obviously updated - I’m sure Barbara (Chap 7. Tantra) now understands that it’s it’s inappropriate to say “as a radical queer (I describe myself most frequently as a young black drag queen in a blonde female body)…”.
Other than that - an outstanding resource to start asking questions, having conversations, and finding out what you like.
October 11, 2024
For a book that's presented as a guide and promoted as the ultimate one in some communities, it's very shallow. Only 2-3 essays have some useful to say. Most of them feel like author's jerk off on their kink
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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