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Ladysitting: My Year with Nana at the End of Her Century
Lorene Cary’s grandmother moves in, and everything changes: day-to-day life, family relationships, the Nana she knew―even their shared past. From cherished memories of weekends she spent as a child with her indulgent Nana to the reality of the year she spent “ladysitting” her now frail grandmother, Lorene Cary journeys through stories of their time together and five generations of their African American family. Brilliantly weaving a narrative of her complicated yet transformative relationship with Nana―a fierce, stubborn, and independent woman, who managed a business until she was 100―Cary looks at Nana’s impulse to control people and fate, from the early death of her mother and oppression in the Jim Crow South to living on her own in her New Jersey home. Cary knew there might be some reckonings to come. Nana was a force: Her obstinacy could come out in unanticipated ways―secretly getting a driver’s license to show up her husband, carrying on a longtime feud with Cary’s father. But Nana could also be devoted: to Nana’s father, to black causes, and―Cary had thought―to her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Facing the inevitable end raises tensions, with Cary drawing on her spirituality and Nana consoling herself with late-night sweets and the loyalty of caregivers. When Nana doubts Cary’s dedication, Cary must go deeper into understanding this complicated woman. In Ladysitting , Cary captures the ruptures, love, and, perhaps, forgiveness that can occur in a family as she bears witness to her grandmother’s 101 vibrant years of life.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published May 7, 2019
66 people are currently reading
3026 people want to read
About the author
Lorene Cary
8 books86 followersLorene Cary (born 1956, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) is an American author, educator, and social activist.
Cary grew up in a working-class neighborhood in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. In 1972, she was invited to the elite St. Paul's boarding school in New Hampshire, on scholarship, entering in St. Paul's second year of co-education as one of the less than ten African-American female students. She spent two years at St. Paul's, graduating in 1974. She earned an undergraduate degree and her MA from the University of Pennsylvania in 1978.
She was awarded a Thouron Fellowship, enabling her to study at the Sussex University in the United Kingdom, where she received an MA in Victorian literature.
After finishing college, Cary worked in publishing for several magazines, including Time, TV Guide, and Newsweek. She also worked as a freelance writer for Essence, American Visions, Mirabella, Obsidian, and the Philadelphia Inquirer. In 1982, Cary returned to St. Paul's as a teacher. She is currently a senior lecturer in creative writing at the University of Pennsylvania.
After writing a 1988 article about her experience at St. Paul's, she published a longer memoir, Black Ice, which was published in 1991 by Alfred A. Knopf.
In 1995, Cary published her first novel, The Price of a Child. It is based on the escape of Jane Johnson, a slave from North Carolina who escaped to freedom with her two sons while briefly in Philadelphia with her master and his family.
In 1998, Cary published a second novel, Pride, which explores the experiences of four contemporary black middle-class women.
Cary’s first Young Adult book, FREE!, was a collection of non-fiction accounts related to the Underground Railroad, and published by Third World Press/New City Press in 2005.
Cary wrote the script for the videos of The President's House: Freedom and Slavery in the Making of a New Nation, a 2010 exhibition in The President's House in Philadelphia.
On April 19, Cary published her third novel If Sons, Then Heirs.
In 1998 Cary founded Art Sanctuary, an African-American arts and letters organization devoted to presenting regional and national talent in the literary, visual and performing arts. Art Sanctuary annually hosts an African American arts festival, during which writers discuss their work with up to 1,500–2,000 students, and another 2,000–3,000 people participate in panels, workshops, the basketball tournament, teachers' symposium, Family Pavilion, main stage, and other events.
(from Wikipedia)
Cary grew up in a working-class neighborhood in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. In 1972, she was invited to the elite St. Paul's boarding school in New Hampshire, on scholarship, entering in St. Paul's second year of co-education as one of the less than ten African-American female students. She spent two years at St. Paul's, graduating in 1974. She earned an undergraduate degree and her MA from the University of Pennsylvania in 1978.
She was awarded a Thouron Fellowship, enabling her to study at the Sussex University in the United Kingdom, where she received an MA in Victorian literature.
After finishing college, Cary worked in publishing for several magazines, including Time, TV Guide, and Newsweek. She also worked as a freelance writer for Essence, American Visions, Mirabella, Obsidian, and the Philadelphia Inquirer. In 1982, Cary returned to St. Paul's as a teacher. She is currently a senior lecturer in creative writing at the University of Pennsylvania.
After writing a 1988 article about her experience at St. Paul's, she published a longer memoir, Black Ice, which was published in 1991 by Alfred A. Knopf.
In 1995, Cary published her first novel, The Price of a Child. It is based on the escape of Jane Johnson, a slave from North Carolina who escaped to freedom with her two sons while briefly in Philadelphia with her master and his family.
In 1998, Cary published a second novel, Pride, which explores the experiences of four contemporary black middle-class women.
Cary’s first Young Adult book, FREE!, was a collection of non-fiction accounts related to the Underground Railroad, and published by Third World Press/New City Press in 2005.
Cary wrote the script for the videos of The President's House: Freedom and Slavery in the Making of a New Nation, a 2010 exhibition in The President's House in Philadelphia.
On April 19, Cary published her third novel If Sons, Then Heirs.
In 1998 Cary founded Art Sanctuary, an African-American arts and letters organization devoted to presenting regional and national talent in the literary, visual and performing arts. Art Sanctuary annually hosts an African American arts festival, during which writers discuss their work with up to 1,500–2,000 students, and another 2,000–3,000 people participate in panels, workshops, the basketball tournament, teachers' symposium, Family Pavilion, main stage, and other events.
(from Wikipedia)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 108 reviews
April 30, 2019
Honestly, I don't know who's tougher, the 100 year old grandmother holding on to life with the strength of a prize fighter, or the mid-life, always keep your feet moving, granddaughter. I do know, that this book is a knock-out, take no prisoners, work of non-fiction.
A truly moving battle of the human spirit.
A truly moving battle of the human spirit.
May 18, 2019
After hearing Lorene Carey speak recently at the Free Library of Philadelphia, I couldn't wait to listen to the audiobook, read by the author. I enjoyed it every bit as much as I expected to. Carey has a wry sense of humor as well as great empathy, and narrated the story of her relationship with her grandmother with wit and compassion, while also giving voice to the conflicting emotions she experienced while caring for her grandmother during the last years of her life, first while her grandmother continued to live alone in her home in Collingswood, and later when she came to live with Carey and her family in Philadelphia. Like Grandma Jackson, my vision of a good death includes good health and independence for many years, then going to sleep one night and just not waking up. But if I don't get my wish, I hope to have care-givers around me who are as patient, loving, and compassionate as Carey and her family members.
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May 7, 2019Here’s my review of this book on NPR. https://www.npr.org/2019/05/06/720591...
June 6, 2022
enjoyable yet it was easy to zone out! that’s probably a me problem tho hehe
June 29, 2019
The topic of caring for an elderly relative during the last year of their life is difficult, but could also be beautiful in the face of that difficulty. I guess that’s what I was hoping to read in this memoir. Unfortunately, the author didn’t dig deep enough to get there and the storytelling was unfortunately tedious.
September 17, 2020
3.5 Stars, I loved that in the audio version it is the author that reads the story. Her inflection is very good. I very much enjoyed the parts about her grandmother's life, beginning, middle and end. The other parts, about her choir, were not as interesting to me. I'm glad I got to listen to it after waiting almost a year for it to become available on my hold shelf through the library. I'd recommend it.
July 29, 2019
Anyone who has cared for a loved one at the end of their time here on Earth will appreciate Lorene Cary’s recounting of the last months with her Nana. The tough decisions, the guilt (real and perceived), the exhaustion, the hope, the laughter, the tears. All woven around her faith and her disjointed family relations. Beautifully told. Recommend the audiobook in Cary’s own voice.
September 17, 2019
My favourite part of this story is the title - it illustrates the respect and infantalizing that we aim at our elders. I expected more personal remembrances than historical ones.
July 27, 2019
Swing and a miss
This was just not a great book for me, though it addressed many of my interests: elderly issues, end of life, caregiving an elderly family member, and the geriatric population in general. There were some good sections and I wish those had been a larger portion of the book.
This book follows the author, Lorene Cary, as she tries to manage her family, be involved in her church, run her own foundation, and now care for her 100 year old grandmother. Nana is strong-willed and is going to leave life on her own terms. She makes a lot of unrealistic demands, which the author and her family do their best to honor. The author juggles all of this while retaining most of her sanity and her sense of humor. She takes care of Nana in her home up until the final days.
I was hoping that this book would be more about the author's relationship with her grandmother, both as a child and as a caretaking adult. Of course that was a part of the book, but I wanted more. I was also hoping that the author would explore the mixed and conflicted feelings that come with caring for a family member. She touches on these things but then backs away. For example, her Nana accuses the author of wanting her to die. The author admits that is partly true and then leaves that topic there. So much more you could say about that. She alludes to feelings of guilt and responsibility as well. My other quibbles are that there were a few sentences throughout the book that were difficult to understand either due to punctuation or use of slang. Another personal quibble is that there was too much scripture and churchiness for my taste. If that is not your thing, you may want to try a different book. In summary, I think that the author did a decent job of writing the book that she needed to write. It was just not the book that I was looking for on this subject.
This was just not a great book for me, though it addressed many of my interests: elderly issues, end of life, caregiving an elderly family member, and the geriatric population in general. There were some good sections and I wish those had been a larger portion of the book.
This book follows the author, Lorene Cary, as she tries to manage her family, be involved in her church, run her own foundation, and now care for her 100 year old grandmother. Nana is strong-willed and is going to leave life on her own terms. She makes a lot of unrealistic demands, which the author and her family do their best to honor. The author juggles all of this while retaining most of her sanity and her sense of humor. She takes care of Nana in her home up until the final days.
I was hoping that this book would be more about the author's relationship with her grandmother, both as a child and as a caretaking adult. Of course that was a part of the book, but I wanted more. I was also hoping that the author would explore the mixed and conflicted feelings that come with caring for a family member. She touches on these things but then backs away. For example, her Nana accuses the author of wanting her to die. The author admits that is partly true and then leaves that topic there. So much more you could say about that. She alludes to feelings of guilt and responsibility as well. My other quibbles are that there were a few sentences throughout the book that were difficult to understand either due to punctuation or use of slang. Another personal quibble is that there was too much scripture and churchiness for my taste. If that is not your thing, you may want to try a different book. In summary, I think that the author did a decent job of writing the book that she needed to write. It was just not the book that I was looking for on this subject.
June 16, 2019
Loved this book. I listened to the audio, read by the author, and will read more by her for sure! Interwoven with her experience of providing hospice care to her grandmother are stories about other family members and several generations of relatives going back to the reconstruction period of the South.
July 19, 2025
Love a memoir. Unlike any other memoir I have read and I really enjoyed it. Family is complicated.
March 2, 2020
Thanks, Beth, for the recommendation. I liked it also and tried to find another of her books to listen to, but none are available in my libraries.
July 26, 2020
I am stunned by the beauty of this minister's anguished relationship with Nana who has been dying for awhile, the history of her family tied up in the history of Black America, and tied into the new hope of a new century.
February 26, 2020
The introduction was intriguing and I was looking forward to the rest of the book. Unfortunately, after reading a quarter of the book, I found it tedious and tangential - often losing the point of the "sitting" and more of a diary of the author's life.
February 19, 2021
Although Nana Jackson's home was in New Jersey, she actually lived her last 1-1/2 years of life at the author's home in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, just 30 minutes away across the Walt Whitman Bridge.
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I was disappointed to find this book a pretty dry, impersonal read, and a bit too political for such a personal story. I would rather had read more of the author’s internal personal struggles in caring for her grandmother in her last years of life. The author also has an odd way of “speaking” (writing) that my simple mind found hard to understand….maybe because I didn’t understand all the political stuff thrown in there...the endless list of activist organizations and names of people who I have no idea about...when it was supposed to be about her and her Nana.
Nana Jackson's home was in West Collingswood, New Jersey. Lorene Cary, her granddaughter, lived just 30 minutes away right over the Walt Whitman Bridge in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and would visit and care for her 100 year old grandmother in her home five to six days a week, on top of raising a family and doing all things she was, and still is, involved in at the time. Her husband, Bob, a pastor, is white and she is mixed Carribean and African-American and a strong activist. Lorene runs the community Art Sanctuary, a nonprofit organization for young blacks to express themselves in music and/or after-school programs. The program's manager, Tarana Burke, was also the creator of the #MeToo movement. Because of the inserts of too many personal views on racism and going on and on about her organizations she’s involved in, at times sounding like she’s giving her self plug-ins, left parts of this story dry and boring.
So here’s the abstracted personal part: At age 100, and still able to live alone, Nana developed an infection that sent her to the hospital. Social workers would not allow her to return home alone. So, Lorena and Bob, made ready a room on the second floor of the rectory, next to the church in Philadelphia where they lived, for Nana to come and live with the help of a hospice nurse. Well, Nana outlived the time limit for hospice care, and ended up living another 1-1/2 years, which all the burden landed squarely on Lorene’s shoulders. The 24 hour care was more than Lorene expected but what she really didn't expect to learn was just how lonely her grandmother really was. And she had to learn to balance the care of a lonely, elderly in the home, which seemed to take over her life. Little things like Nana trying to turn off the TV with her cell phone instead of the remote annoyed Lorena, or when Nana insisted on helping with dinner when it was just easier and quieter do it herself, the fan having to be blowing just right on her face before bedtime, helping her to the bathroom for washing and pottying...if she didn't already wet herself, a blasting TV, etc...
Later as Nana approached death’s door, the lack of oxygen caused her to become irrational and suspicious of hospice care and even of Lorene. She was afraid to drink a tea Lorene had brought to her to help calm her and asked Lorene to drink from the cup first. This may seem crazy, but I’ve had the same experience with my father who was in ICU and he became disillusioned and thought we all were trying to kill him. He had a crazy look in his eyes and I’ll never forget the joker grin on his face when he grabbed his oxygen tubes into a noose and told me to “come closer my daughter...I just want to give you a hug.” Lorene’s grandmother’s actions hurt her, and my daddy’s hurt me. This is the first time I’ve ever read that this has happened to someone else. It actually was a bit of a surprise and relief to k ow that this must be pretty common with old people who are bedridden for long periods of time. Nana Jackson became almost unbearable to all in the family. She was rude, demanding and unappreciative, and it was Lorene’s job to continue to show her love and to fulfill her wishes the very best she could.
The last couple of chapters describes the tremendous energy and time it took to care for her grandmother until, after a year and a half, she just couldn’t take it any longer. And to get her life back she finally had to send her grandmother to Holy Redeemer in Philadelphia for her last nine days of hospice care. She was there by her grandmother’s side when her lungs gave way to what is known as the “death rattle” and then finally her last breath. Nana Jackson died in December of 2008. Lorene felt she had betrayed her grandmother because she did just what her grandmother predicted she would do, gave up on her. But, hospice actually was able to take better care of her at the very end. She was given the perfect drug to calm Nana and the dry, scabby scalp situation that she was experiencing while under Lorene’s care, had disappeared. So, Lorene knew she was being well cared for. I do admire Lorene Cary for stepping up and giving it her all. I'm sure her story will give courage to others in the same situation.
----------
I was disappointed to find this book a pretty dry, impersonal read, and a bit too political for such a personal story. I would rather had read more of the author’s internal personal struggles in caring for her grandmother in her last years of life. The author also has an odd way of “speaking” (writing) that my simple mind found hard to understand….maybe because I didn’t understand all the political stuff thrown in there...the endless list of activist organizations and names of people who I have no idea about...when it was supposed to be about her and her Nana.
Nana Jackson's home was in West Collingswood, New Jersey. Lorene Cary, her granddaughter, lived just 30 minutes away right over the Walt Whitman Bridge in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and would visit and care for her 100 year old grandmother in her home five to six days a week, on top of raising a family and doing all things she was, and still is, involved in at the time. Her husband, Bob, a pastor, is white and she is mixed Carribean and African-American and a strong activist. Lorene runs the community Art Sanctuary, a nonprofit organization for young blacks to express themselves in music and/or after-school programs. The program's manager, Tarana Burke, was also the creator of the #MeToo movement. Because of the inserts of too many personal views on racism and going on and on about her organizations she’s involved in, at times sounding like she’s giving her self plug-ins, left parts of this story dry and boring.
So here’s the abstracted personal part: At age 100, and still able to live alone, Nana developed an infection that sent her to the hospital. Social workers would not allow her to return home alone. So, Lorena and Bob, made ready a room on the second floor of the rectory, next to the church in Philadelphia where they lived, for Nana to come and live with the help of a hospice nurse. Well, Nana outlived the time limit for hospice care, and ended up living another 1-1/2 years, which all the burden landed squarely on Lorene’s shoulders. The 24 hour care was more than Lorene expected but what she really didn't expect to learn was just how lonely her grandmother really was. And she had to learn to balance the care of a lonely, elderly in the home, which seemed to take over her life. Little things like Nana trying to turn off the TV with her cell phone instead of the remote annoyed Lorena, or when Nana insisted on helping with dinner when it was just easier and quieter do it herself, the fan having to be blowing just right on her face before bedtime, helping her to the bathroom for washing and pottying...if she didn't already wet herself, a blasting TV, etc...
Later as Nana approached death’s door, the lack of oxygen caused her to become irrational and suspicious of hospice care and even of Lorene. She was afraid to drink a tea Lorene had brought to her to help calm her and asked Lorene to drink from the cup first. This may seem crazy, but I’ve had the same experience with my father who was in ICU and he became disillusioned and thought we all were trying to kill him. He had a crazy look in his eyes and I’ll never forget the joker grin on his face when he grabbed his oxygen tubes into a noose and told me to “come closer my daughter...I just want to give you a hug.” Lorene’s grandmother’s actions hurt her, and my daddy’s hurt me. This is the first time I’ve ever read that this has happened to someone else. It actually was a bit of a surprise and relief to k ow that this must be pretty common with old people who are bedridden for long periods of time. Nana Jackson became almost unbearable to all in the family. She was rude, demanding and unappreciative, and it was Lorene’s job to continue to show her love and to fulfill her wishes the very best she could.
The last couple of chapters describes the tremendous energy and time it took to care for her grandmother until, after a year and a half, she just couldn’t take it any longer. And to get her life back she finally had to send her grandmother to Holy Redeemer in Philadelphia for her last nine days of hospice care. She was there by her grandmother’s side when her lungs gave way to what is known as the “death rattle” and then finally her last breath. Nana Jackson died in December of 2008. Lorene felt she had betrayed her grandmother because she did just what her grandmother predicted she would do, gave up on her. But, hospice actually was able to take better care of her at the very end. She was given the perfect drug to calm Nana and the dry, scabby scalp situation that she was experiencing while under Lorene’s care, had disappeared. So, Lorene knew she was being well cared for. I do admire Lorene Cary for stepping up and giving it her all. I'm sure her story will give courage to others in the same situation.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 17, 2019
Poignant memoir of a part of Lorene Cary's life, when she was caring for her 100 year old grandmother in her home. For context, there's also some historical background and family history, all of which was interesting. I like stories about people's families: how any family gets from "there" to "here" is always subject matter I'm drawn to. I'm sort of mentally preparing myself for long distance caregiving for my mom who's 85 and on the edge of needing more care than she has now. I don't think my mom or I would be even remotely happy if she were living with me, but who knows what will happen when you come down to it. What our parents say they'll do when they're incapacitated, and what happens in reality, can be different things. I was moved by Ms. Cary's honesty about her love for her grandmother, the ways caregiving for her challenged her family and in some instances brought them closer together. It was all there: the schedule challenges, anger, sadness, grief, the constant experimenting with how to address Nana's needs, the arrangements, the hiring of nurses, the calls that came at work telling her she needed to come home immediately. The ways she learned to be kinder. But I hear her when she writes the caregiving experience literally caused some of the muscles of her body to lock up - something that can happen to us when we're very stressed and not able, for whatever reason, to express our true feelings. I already know how much anger is involved in aging - the losses of aging are expressed in anger but born in fear, confusion, frustration, and sadness, and sometimes exacerbated by cognitive decline, medication, etc. Who wouldn't be angry? But for those of us who are the anger targets, it just feels bad - and yet you know, you can't be angry back at this elderly person, because no matter how many of your buttons they're pushing, most of what they're expressing isn't personal, it's their reaction to their situation. I have no idea how medication might alleviate some of this, for some elders, but I certainly know that like Nana, my mom will never consent to taking pills to change her emotional state. Soooo....I related to this memoir.
April 19, 2024
Caring for an elderly relative is both a labor of love and a labor of exhaustion. I wish I understood the culture of the author, the complicated customs of black families unfamiliar to me. But, too, the respect for the elders is one that transcends racial boundaries.
Nana was a complicated person, both independent and and yet needy. Lorene gives history lessons to help us understand the world in which both she and Nana grew up.
She talked about how proud Nana was when Obama became the first black president, as a portent of what she hoped the future would bring. She writes about Nana growing up in the Jim Crow era with the hatred that brought out violence in Wilmington, North Carolina.
"The next year, 1900, poll tax and the grandfather clause kept most blacks from voting. It stayed that way until after I was a girl. With his constituency disenfranchised, Congressman White did not run for re-election He was the last black member of he House of Representatives until 1929, then, flipping he final two digits, the last from North Carolina until 1992.
A short documentary about the life of Congressman White, ends with a clip of President Barack Obama quoting White's last speech in the House in 1901 to the Congressional Black Caucus."
That made Nana proud.
Nana eventually moved from her house to share the Rectory with Lorene and her preacher husband, Bob. They created a suite just for her, but she often balked and complained about the nurses she hired to help take care of her. Sometimes you just couldn't please her no matter how you tried: her coffee prepared and warmed to her desire, and at night being tucked in just so....
You have to wonder if, at her century age, she feared losing control of her life and all those things around her.
A heartfelt read and a reminder to cherish those elders we still have with us.
Nana was a complicated person, both independent and and yet needy. Lorene gives history lessons to help us understand the world in which both she and Nana grew up.
She talked about how proud Nana was when Obama became the first black president, as a portent of what she hoped the future would bring. She writes about Nana growing up in the Jim Crow era with the hatred that brought out violence in Wilmington, North Carolina.
"The next year, 1900, poll tax and the grandfather clause kept most blacks from voting. It stayed that way until after I was a girl. With his constituency disenfranchised, Congressman White did not run for re-election He was the last black member of he House of Representatives until 1929, then, flipping he final two digits, the last from North Carolina until 1992.
A short documentary about the life of Congressman White, ends with a clip of President Barack Obama quoting White's last speech in the House in 1901 to the Congressional Black Caucus."
That made Nana proud.
Nana eventually moved from her house to share the Rectory with Lorene and her preacher husband, Bob. They created a suite just for her, but she often balked and complained about the nurses she hired to help take care of her. Sometimes you just couldn't please her no matter how you tried: her coffee prepared and warmed to her desire, and at night being tucked in just so....
You have to wonder if, at her century age, she feared losing control of her life and all those things around her.
A heartfelt read and a reminder to cherish those elders we still have with us.
December 26, 2019
The experience of caring for fully-cognitive elderly loved-one in their end-of-life journey is not an often talked about subject, in fiction or non-fiction. Ladysitting is a tender, intimate look at two women’s complex relationship leading up to that most final deadline of all. When I read Ladysitting, I had no idea how soon I, too, would be plunged into the role of caretaker for my 92-year-old father. Through Lorene Cary’s writing, I was able to gain insight into the emotions of a fiercely independent person who suddenly finds themselves totally dependent on others.
Ladysitting is a paean to familial love. It’s also an unabashed look at the frustrations from both sides, both caregiver and cared for. You ache for them and laugh with them. What comes through it all is that the love one generation invests in another is never wasted.
While Ladysitting embraces universal themes, Ms. Cary gives us insight into the African-American experience and the sociocultural factors associated with skin color. The passage about her grandmother taking her darker-skinned granddaughter to the opera is particularly poignant. So is the image of a proud woman stripped of her power by the lassitude of old age. How does one come to terms with death after a life where racism throws a shadow on every dream, every hope, every achievement?
Anyone who has been a caregiver knows it is supremely difficult, one of the most continually stressful periods of an adult’s life, and that thanks is rarely articulated. The grace with which Ms. Cary handled caregiving while trying to teach, organize a not-for-profit, and continue to write is astonishing. Buoyed by love and faith, Ms. Cary gives us understanding of how that final journey can polish one’s soul.
Ladysitting is a paean to familial love. It’s also an unabashed look at the frustrations from both sides, both caregiver and cared for. You ache for them and laugh with them. What comes through it all is that the love one generation invests in another is never wasted.
While Ladysitting embraces universal themes, Ms. Cary gives us insight into the African-American experience and the sociocultural factors associated with skin color. The passage about her grandmother taking her darker-skinned granddaughter to the opera is particularly poignant. So is the image of a proud woman stripped of her power by the lassitude of old age. How does one come to terms with death after a life where racism throws a shadow on every dream, every hope, every achievement?
Anyone who has been a caregiver knows it is supremely difficult, one of the most continually stressful periods of an adult’s life, and that thanks is rarely articulated. The grace with which Ms. Cary handled caregiving while trying to teach, organize a not-for-profit, and continue to write is astonishing. Buoyed by love and faith, Ms. Cary gives us understanding of how that final journey can polish one’s soul.
October 4, 2023
Tenderly written memoir about the author as she nurses her grandmother through her last year of life, a significant book for any family member or caretaker experiencing this time of loss. I appreciated that Ms. Carey was honest about the anger, frustration and challenges that go with the territory and didn't just write about the sentimental, heart rending ways the process affected her and her family. In every family there is an underlying current of guilt, conflict and resentment, and acknowledging these feelings and trying to resolve them is a part of the end of life dance. The author shares with her readers who/what she leaned on during this whirlwind of emotional drama: how her husband, family, her faith, her work & colleagues, the aides & nurses and music all contributed to get her through the tough times. She was fortunate to have and acknowledge the support and love she relied on, so that she in turn, could provide the same support and love to her Nana. Easing someone through the gates of death calls for some difficult decisions, some made in anguish, but in the end peace comes to both the person who is dying and their caretaker, who did what she thought was best at the time. Thank you for sharing what was an arduous personal stage of your life, your Nana was lucky to have you to care for her. You also set a meaningful example for your daughters as to the responsibilities of community and family life.
October 22, 2019
3 stars for the book and 4 stars for the audiobook so ultimately 3 & 1/2 stars. I always get the physical book to go with the audiobook when possible on non-fiction type books. The audiobook is excellent and read by the author which I loved! I went with the lower rating only because I was sad not to be able to see a family tree and some photos in the book. The author may have had reasons for this, but I thrive on books with visuals which is why with non-fiction I try to get the physical book to go along with the audiobook. I always consider these extras in my ratings. I thought there would be more to the genealogy, but ultimately I didn't need more to connect with this book. There is some family history given, but it isn't the main focus. This is more a book about relationships and the difficulty of caring for a loved one who is slowly losing her faculties and struggling with impending death. That was hard for me, but I appreciated the author's honesty and analysis of her own emotions and the various dynamics of the individuals within her family along with her family history. Her progression of the family through the generations was thought provoking. Overall, I am glad to have read this book and I highly recommend the audiobook version!
October 23, 2019
“Ladysitting” captures the essence of Lorene Cary’s memoir. Cary shares her unusual family history as well as her mandate to make a mark on the present and future with humor and poignancy. For anyone who has cared for another person, particularly a family member on the journey transitioning from this life to the great beyond, the basic story is all too familiar. Caregivers learn to spread energy over their dying relative and all of the busyness of family and career, but not always gracefully. All of the tensions within the family are exposed during this process, but not all are resolved. Figuring when to hold on, when to push back, and when to let go is physically exhausting and emotionally draining. Cary has the grace and presence as an author to share some of her own family baggage with her readers, which allows the reader to accept his/her own family baggage as they go through the caregiving process. I highly recommend this for anyone who has lost a loved one after being a caregiver. I also gently encourage those at the beginning of an end of life caregiving process to take time to read this not as a road map, but as affirmation that approaching end of a unique life is survivable with or without religious faith.
June 16, 2019
Several life stories in this little memoir of Ms Cary's experiences caring for her grandmother (Nana) doing her last year of life. There is the story of the free blacks and newly freed slaves in North Carolina in the first years of the Reconstruction. This covers one side of Nana's extended family. Another story is that of the Barbados side of the family. Then there are the author's stories and that of her second husband, Bob, a white Episcopalian priest. And of course, Nana, the sun around whom the characters revolve. Ms Cary is honest, brutally so at times about Nana's character which grows more acerbic and self-centered as she ages. Ms Cary's chronicle provides insight into the many hied picture of black society from reconstruction through early twenty-first century America. The stories Ms Caar tell not only tell us about the black middle and lower classes during the past 160 years, but tell a universal tale about the struggles of creating family and a life. Oh, the memoir is well written and well organized. Ms Cary's feelings of gilt, anger, frustration and happiness and love come through.
May 1, 2019
This year, I elected to read more memoirs so I was happy to receive the gift of Ladysitting: My Year with Nana at the End of Her Century.
This well-written memoir provides a critical analysis of a family's history and a look at the life of a centenarian.
We see Carey's mind mapping of everyday interactions while providing an illustration of human growth, helped her observe and gather the information that assisted her in reacting to many of the situations that arose.
I soon became swept up in this story of interlinked lives.
In closing, I felt Carey's use of visible bodily actions to communicate open-hearted responses throughout the telling of this story were brilliant. This allowed me to recognize that Nana and family did not just shuffle through life, they paid great attention to what was going on at the moment.
This well-written memoir provides a critical analysis of a family's history and a look at the life of a centenarian.
We see Carey's mind mapping of everyday interactions while providing an illustration of human growth, helped her observe and gather the information that assisted her in reacting to many of the situations that arose.
I soon became swept up in this story of interlinked lives.
In closing, I felt Carey's use of visible bodily actions to communicate open-hearted responses throughout the telling of this story were brilliant. This allowed me to recognize that Nana and family did not just shuffle through life, they paid great attention to what was going on at the moment.
May 11, 2019
Lorene Cary’s Ladysitting does so much more than tell the story of the family, the community and the world around the valiant granddaughter and the determined grandmother who together fave life’s ultimate threshold, death. Indeed, the book comes to life by showing the reader ways of thinking and feeling beyond the niceties and the norms. Regret, sadness, woundedness, anger all surface as texts written deeply in the human soul. Those emotions play out in the elegance of Lorene Cary’s thoughtful, witty writing style, and those emotions assume the capacity to change and even to transform into the hopeful shapes of humor, joy, interest, surprise and peace. Thus, the book celebrates the inspirational element of
Love. And, in the spirit of caring for those who suffer confusion, Lorene Cary treats her audience lovingly to her personal journey.
Love. And, in the spirit of caring for those who suffer confusion, Lorene Cary treats her audience lovingly to her personal journey.
October 2, 2019
This is a meditative work on the end of life, and how we live with, and/or help, those we love as they near death. In a memoir that reflects on the process of writing and creativity; on fractured families and their legacy; on honoring our elders; and on race in these United States, Cary tackles a changing relationship with a weekend-visits grandmother to a live-in-who-needs-lots-of-support grandmother. To the last, Cary works to preserve Nana Jackson's dignity, as the title alone indicates: people will ladysit when they stay with Nana Jackson for a few hours, not babysit.
I am sure that I would read this book differently had I gone through a similar experience, and while I do not hope to do so any time soon, I do hope that I am able to deal with loved ones dying in their homes with the same grace and strength that Cary exhibited.
I am sure that I would read this book differently had I gone through a similar experience, and while I do not hope to do so any time soon, I do hope that I am able to deal with loved ones dying in their homes with the same grace and strength that Cary exhibited.
December 17, 2020
This is a memoir of the author's time caring for her grandmother in the last year of her long life. She shares the challenges of balancing elder care and her own life's responsibilities, as well as sneak peeks at grandma's past and a little Philadelphia history. I wanted more from the author about grandma's past, her relationships with other family members and the community, and Philadelphia history, especially black life in the city during the 40s, 50s, and 60s. However, I do recognize that this is a very personal book the author wrote to heal from her grief of the loss and the difficulty of that year, so this was not the vehicle for anything more. This is a great book for others facing the challenges of elder care. I didn't have that experience, but I recognized what my mother went through caring for her parents.
November 11, 2023
I really wanted to love this but it was challenging to follow all the familial relationships, especially at the beginning and a few times when mentioned toward the end. There wasn’t as much relationship between the author and Nana as I’d been hoping for. I also struggled to keep up with the different activities and organizations the author, Nana, and family were involved in. I didn’t really understand how Nana went about managing the rental properties or their significance to the black community, although I could tell I was supposed to. Overall I appreciated the insight into the enormity of caring for an end of life relative, it’s sort of similar to caring for a newborn in a way. Necessary, all consuming, impossible to catch a break. Ultimately I recognize the story as the author’s way of processing her grief and I’m glad she was able to do that.
March 27, 2019
Ladysitting: My Year with Nana at the End of Her Century by Lorene Cary. It is a story that weaves between Lorene Cary's life and Loren's year with her . It deals with trying to understand and find closure. It deals five generations of their African American family. and how Nana affected them and how they deal with each other. It tells an interesting story of a woman who had lived thru a majority of the 20th century and its changes as well as a very independent lady. Nana manged a business until she was 100 years old.. it is an interesting biography of a family and a look at how the history which was current events that Nana lived thru shaped her and them.
I received a copy thru a Goodreads giveaway.
I received a copy thru a Goodreads giveaway.
June 10, 2019
This memoir is an honest look at the final year of the author's dying grandmother. She "ladysits" for her since nana can no longer live in her own home and must have round the clock care. Lorene Cary arranges for nurses and other professionals to come to her own home, which is also a parsonage, and care for nana. It begins as hospice care, but she lives longer than the allowed 6 months. The way Nana interacts with each family member as well as each caregiver is discussed in a personal way, yet one we can all relate to. There is a chapter that discusses her frustration with the current state of Medicaid, or at least the bureaucracy that she encountered relating to her Nana. It's worth the read.
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