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Growing Up Perempuan
Growing up as a woman is hard.
Growing up as a woman in the Muslim community is harder.
In a world still filled with superstitions, if you die during childbirth you become a vampiric ghost and if you survive you might get attacked by a flying ghost. You collect experiences in the workplace that should be office satire but aren’t. You face constant judgement, try to live up to endless expectations, and somehow…still fall short.
Growing Up Perempuan is a collection of stories written by women, for women. This book offers stories of love and loss, strength and endurance, confidence and courage - stories that inspire and empower. This is a book about challenging the status quo and learning to chart our own paths instead of having the world define them for us.
Growing up as a woman in the Muslim community is harder.
In a world still filled with superstitions, if you die during childbirth you become a vampiric ghost and if you survive you might get attacked by a flying ghost. You collect experiences in the workplace that should be office satire but aren’t. You face constant judgement, try to live up to endless expectations, and somehow…still fall short.
Growing Up Perempuan is a collection of stories written by women, for women. This book offers stories of love and loss, strength and endurance, confidence and courage - stories that inspire and empower. This is a book about challenging the status quo and learning to chart our own paths instead of having the world define them for us.
276 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2018
12 people are currently reading
244 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
September 21, 2018
“The last time I was beaten terribly was during my fourth pregnancy.”
"My older sister would ask our neighbours for an egg or something to feed us."
"[He would] demand sex even when she was still recovering from multiple miscarriages."
"Colleague: Eh you not bad ah. You Malay but you smart."
"A little bit over a decade ago, men were told that unless a woman's response to marriage was hysterical, they could assume they have her consent."
These are a few lines from a book that has sent so many readers in tears. Growing up perempuan (as a woman) is not easy. Growing up as a Muslim woman is even harder. As Singaporean-Muslim women, most of us deal with being a woman as well as being minorities in a country where the Muslim community & its issues are brought up & represented by our male counterparts. Representational politics render so many people voiceless. The Muslim woman is often spoken over and spoken for. The image of Muslims are often monolithic in the first place. We do not understand sufficiently the diversity in our own community. And rarely are we given the chance & platform to authentically express ourselves with the safety & assurance that we will be heard & that our concerns will not be ridiculed or trivialized.
To be heard & seen as a valid member of society, one often has to conform to a narrow, acceptable view of what a Muslim woman should be. Anything else & you are threatened with being seen as rebellious or heretical. Part of the pain of gendered violence & discrimination is the command that we also be speechless. We are expected to repress our pain & bear it alone.
A culture of silence means that we are unable to connect with each other, find strength in solidarity & to collectively disturb the main narrative imposed on us. Especially in a country like Singapore where most Muslims are also racial minorities, we struggle in speaking out about our issues because to speak about our problems also runs the risk of shaming our community to islamophobic sentiments. Often, while our male counterparts may passionately rail against racial discrimination, they do not extend that nuance & awareness of injustice when it comes to gendered violence & discrimination.
The women in this book struggle with domestic & sexual violence, racial harassment, body image issues, sexuality, amongst others. They talked about internalised racism, workplace discrimination, & being overlooked by their fathers in favour of their brothers. So much of what I read hit so close to home. The body policing, the realisation late in life that you have undergone female circumcision, racial microaggressions, questioning literalist & dogmatic ideas in religion & being met with unsatisfactory answers & so much more.
And then there were things that I could not relate to & could only read with an aching heart: girls who wrote about growing up in shelters, in severely abusive homes, being so poor they had to beg neighbours for food, being so neglected that they took themselves to school each day. There are stories by sex workers who talk about how & why they took up that profession & the struggle & stigma they bear. Women who endure horrific partner abuse or take on responsibilities when their husbands leave them, or are in jail. We often think of these things as exceptional cases affecting troubled youths or individuals. But these are not problems that should be individualised. They are the natural result of a society that is deeply unequal, deeply prejudiced, & unwilling to allow women full agency in their own life-decisions & choices. A capitalistic society that is hostile to helping the poor & provide them with a decent living wage. It is a reflection of our own values & attitudes when people in our community say that the people that have disappointed them most were members of their own community who judged them instead of helped them.
Because the dispossessed do not have the social capital to be heard; because the system benefits from forcing them into silence, there are often people who go through life with the illusion that our society is not at all unhospitable. People think that these kinds of stories are few & far between, when the fact is that these everyday violences are so common. You have to approach this book with an open heart. Middle- & upper-class Muslims I think especially are sheltered from so much of the realities that are happening & affecting their brethren. They often discuss issues like gender violence, polygamy & marital rape in the abstract, without understanding the lived realities of people on the ground. This is it. These are women speaking for themselves. It is up to us if we will listen or not.
"My older sister would ask our neighbours for an egg or something to feed us."
"[He would] demand sex even when she was still recovering from multiple miscarriages."
"Colleague: Eh you not bad ah. You Malay but you smart."
"A little bit over a decade ago, men were told that unless a woman's response to marriage was hysterical, they could assume they have her consent."
These are a few lines from a book that has sent so many readers in tears. Growing up perempuan (as a woman) is not easy. Growing up as a Muslim woman is even harder. As Singaporean-Muslim women, most of us deal with being a woman as well as being minorities in a country where the Muslim community & its issues are brought up & represented by our male counterparts. Representational politics render so many people voiceless. The Muslim woman is often spoken over and spoken for. The image of Muslims are often monolithic in the first place. We do not understand sufficiently the diversity in our own community. And rarely are we given the chance & platform to authentically express ourselves with the safety & assurance that we will be heard & that our concerns will not be ridiculed or trivialized.
To be heard & seen as a valid member of society, one often has to conform to a narrow, acceptable view of what a Muslim woman should be. Anything else & you are threatened with being seen as rebellious or heretical. Part of the pain of gendered violence & discrimination is the command that we also be speechless. We are expected to repress our pain & bear it alone.
A culture of silence means that we are unable to connect with each other, find strength in solidarity & to collectively disturb the main narrative imposed on us. Especially in a country like Singapore where most Muslims are also racial minorities, we struggle in speaking out about our issues because to speak about our problems also runs the risk of shaming our community to islamophobic sentiments. Often, while our male counterparts may passionately rail against racial discrimination, they do not extend that nuance & awareness of injustice when it comes to gendered violence & discrimination.
The women in this book struggle with domestic & sexual violence, racial harassment, body image issues, sexuality, amongst others. They talked about internalised racism, workplace discrimination, & being overlooked by their fathers in favour of their brothers. So much of what I read hit so close to home. The body policing, the realisation late in life that you have undergone female circumcision, racial microaggressions, questioning literalist & dogmatic ideas in religion & being met with unsatisfactory answers & so much more.
And then there were things that I could not relate to & could only read with an aching heart: girls who wrote about growing up in shelters, in severely abusive homes, being so poor they had to beg neighbours for food, being so neglected that they took themselves to school each day. There are stories by sex workers who talk about how & why they took up that profession & the struggle & stigma they bear. Women who endure horrific partner abuse or take on responsibilities when their husbands leave them, or are in jail. We often think of these things as exceptional cases affecting troubled youths or individuals. But these are not problems that should be individualised. They are the natural result of a society that is deeply unequal, deeply prejudiced, & unwilling to allow women full agency in their own life-decisions & choices. A capitalistic society that is hostile to helping the poor & provide them with a decent living wage. It is a reflection of our own values & attitudes when people in our community say that the people that have disappointed them most were members of their own community who judged them instead of helped them.
Because the dispossessed do not have the social capital to be heard; because the system benefits from forcing them into silence, there are often people who go through life with the illusion that our society is not at all unhospitable. People think that these kinds of stories are few & far between, when the fact is that these everyday violences are so common. You have to approach this book with an open heart. Middle- & upper-class Muslims I think especially are sheltered from so much of the realities that are happening & affecting their brethren. They often discuss issues like gender violence, polygamy & marital rape in the abstract, without understanding the lived realities of people on the ground. This is it. These are women speaking for themselves. It is up to us if we will listen or not.
January 23, 2023
Gimana rasanya growing up perempuan?
"Growing up as a woman is hard. Growing up as a woman in the Muslim community is harder."
Dua kalimat itu menjadi pemantik yg mendorongku buat baca buku ini. Isinya berupa esai & cerita dari Malay-Muslim women di Singapura.
Menjadi perempuan Melayu, dengan warna kulit gelap sawo matang saja sudah mendapat diskriminasi. Apalagi dengan tambahan identitas agama. Itulah yg ingin disampaikan melalui kumpulan tulisan ini.
Growing Up Perempuan nggak sugarcoating atau memanipulasi gambaran akan masyarakat di Singapura. Yes, ada kok racist slur di tempat kerja. Ada juga kok stereotipe negatifnya. Dan parahnya lagi, when a Malay-Muslim woman want to achieve something, malah didemotivasi pakai embel-embel ras dan identitas agama (lagi). Kok kayaknya, being Malay-Muslim woman nggak punya masa depan atau berhak dengan jalan hidupnya sendiri.
Selain menangkap kondisi sosial, Growing Up Perempuan juga menyajikan bahwa perjuangan Malay-Muslim woman supaya being seen and heard nggak gampang. Pasti ada aja yang menghambat. Bukan lagi omongan tetangga, melainkan juga aturan negara.
Buku ini berada di antara mudah-nggak mudah dibaca. Mudah karena bahasanya (meski Singapore-English) dan adanya kesamaan dengan kehidupan perempuan muslim di Indonesia dan nggak mudah dibaca karena kok ya bisa ada manusia-manusia rasis yang suka komen seenak jidat 🙄
Lagi-lagi, lewat buku ini, yg ditulis oleh para perempuan Muslim-Melayu, aku melihat Singapura dari sisi yang lebih "normal" ketimbang gemerlap & kemegahannya. Ketimbang ketepatan waktu & terstrukturnya negara itu.
Aku nggak ragu memberikan 5 bintang untuk Growing Up Perempuan. A good read tentang pengalaman hidup perempuan yg kesulitannya berlipat ganda.
Glad that I found it at @transit_bookstore ❤️
"Growing up as a woman is hard. Growing up as a woman in the Muslim community is harder."
Dua kalimat itu menjadi pemantik yg mendorongku buat baca buku ini. Isinya berupa esai & cerita dari Malay-Muslim women di Singapura.
Menjadi perempuan Melayu, dengan warna kulit gelap sawo matang saja sudah mendapat diskriminasi. Apalagi dengan tambahan identitas agama. Itulah yg ingin disampaikan melalui kumpulan tulisan ini.
Growing Up Perempuan nggak sugarcoating atau memanipulasi gambaran akan masyarakat di Singapura. Yes, ada kok racist slur di tempat kerja. Ada juga kok stereotipe negatifnya. Dan parahnya lagi, when a Malay-Muslim woman want to achieve something, malah didemotivasi pakai embel-embel ras dan identitas agama (lagi). Kok kayaknya, being Malay-Muslim woman nggak punya masa depan atau berhak dengan jalan hidupnya sendiri.
Selain menangkap kondisi sosial, Growing Up Perempuan juga menyajikan bahwa perjuangan Malay-Muslim woman supaya being seen and heard nggak gampang. Pasti ada aja yang menghambat. Bukan lagi omongan tetangga, melainkan juga aturan negara.
Buku ini berada di antara mudah-nggak mudah dibaca. Mudah karena bahasanya (meski Singapore-English) dan adanya kesamaan dengan kehidupan perempuan muslim di Indonesia dan nggak mudah dibaca karena kok ya bisa ada manusia-manusia rasis yang suka komen seenak jidat 🙄
Lagi-lagi, lewat buku ini, yg ditulis oleh para perempuan Muslim-Melayu, aku melihat Singapura dari sisi yang lebih "normal" ketimbang gemerlap & kemegahannya. Ketimbang ketepatan waktu & terstrukturnya negara itu.
Aku nggak ragu memberikan 5 bintang untuk Growing Up Perempuan. A good read tentang pengalaman hidup perempuan yg kesulitannya berlipat ganda.
Glad that I found it at @transit_bookstore ❤️
December 5, 2018
#readharder18 // an essay anthology
December 16, 2018
A great anthology of stories and essays from Muslim women and girls in Singapore.
October 9, 2018
The synopsis says it all, “Growing up as a woman is hard. Growing up as a woman in the Muslim community is harder.” This is an anthology written by Muslim women in Singapore. The women of this book suffered under suffocating patriarchal impositions, domestic and sexual violence, spiritual abuse, polygamy and dysfunctional family bonds. It was personally difficult for me to read this book in a single seating, only because the stories are heavy and hit too close to home. It made me wonder: “is this the state of my sisters today?”⠀
.⠀
Unlike the first book, Growing up Perempuan (as a woman) allowed writers to write for other women who may not have the necessary skills to write their own stories. This allowed readers to listen to the stories of people from different stratas of our society providing diversity in terms of class, age, and literacy skills. ⠀
.⠀
As Muslim women, we are also part of the racial minority in Singapore. We understand the forces that render us quiet: islamophobia from the outside, and the patriarchy within. We self-censor, and contain our fight within sanctuaries where we can exercise agency and resist sexism. Spaces where our stories are free from being politicized or vilified are few and far between. Growing up Perempuan provided that space for women to speak their truths without fear of social punishments.⠀
.⠀
Audre Lorde once wrote “your silence will not protect you.” And very often, no one will be fighting in your corner but yourself. So who wins when we don’t speak? Not us. ⠀
.⠀
This book is us speaking. And it is time to listen. ⠀
.⠀
Unlike the first book, Growing up Perempuan (as a woman) allowed writers to write for other women who may not have the necessary skills to write their own stories. This allowed readers to listen to the stories of people from different stratas of our society providing diversity in terms of class, age, and literacy skills. ⠀
.⠀
As Muslim women, we are also part of the racial minority in Singapore. We understand the forces that render us quiet: islamophobia from the outside, and the patriarchy within. We self-censor, and contain our fight within sanctuaries where we can exercise agency and resist sexism. Spaces where our stories are free from being politicized or vilified are few and far between. Growing up Perempuan provided that space for women to speak their truths without fear of social punishments.⠀
.⠀
Audre Lorde once wrote “your silence will not protect you.” And very often, no one will be fighting in your corner but yourself. So who wins when we don’t speak? Not us. ⠀
.⠀
This book is us speaking. And it is time to listen. ⠀
January 3, 2021
I have to admit, as a Malay-Muslim woman in Singapore, this book was a bit hard to read. Not because of the essays themselves but due to the truth I find in the stories from these ladies. I could relate to the pain, hope and dreams of these ladies like as if they were my own. Despite the uncomfortable truth in the experiences of these ladies, there was a sense of acceptance as I read through their stories, that whatever that I feel as a young Malay Muslim Singaporean woman is valid. I feel seen, which is rare.
Read
May 11, 2024"Growing up as a woman is hard.
Growing up as a woman in the Muslim community is harder."
An anthology of essays on various experiences of Muslim women written by women writers in Singapore.
I had a rollercoaster of emotions while reading each of the essays, especially since there are many cultural similarities, so I felt and relate to it even more.
I always try to read more works by women writers to keep reminding myself that women comes from so many different backgrounds, woman are not a monolith.
We, women, always try our best to survive in this patriarchal and misogynistic world in our own way.
Growing up as a woman in the Muslim community is harder."
An anthology of essays on various experiences of Muslim women written by women writers in Singapore.
I had a rollercoaster of emotions while reading each of the essays, especially since there are many cultural similarities, so I felt and relate to it even more.
I always try to read more works by women writers to keep reminding myself that women comes from so many different backgrounds, woman are not a monolith.
We, women, always try our best to survive in this patriarchal and misogynistic world in our own way.
August 16, 2021
Poignant.
May 22, 2022
super important and eye opening read - checked it out for my EE, but quickly became obsessed with it
May 3, 2021
resonated a lot with the book..... incredibly harrowing & important
August 8, 2023
3.5/5 stars. I'm actually somewhat conflicted about the rating. On one hand, the book covers important issues related to women, especially (mostly) Malay-Muslim women in Singapore (although there are also Indian/Chinese-Muslim women included). On the other hand, I feel that the book falls somewhat short in thoroughly exploring these issues. Perhaps, during the compilation process, the authors were given the freedom to write about their experiences in any format and as briefly or extensively as they wished. However, in my opinion, this has resulted in readers struggling to understand and explore the messages of these stories, even though the writings have undergone an editing process. Nonetheless, I want to appreciate all the authors, who have courageously voiced their experiences as women from diverse backgrounds.
As a Muslim woman in Indonesia—part of the majority group—I could never have imagined that in our neighboring country, which is so close, the situation for Muslim women would be so different. In Indonesia, we may have the freedom to practice our religion, easy access to places of worship, but not for the women in these stories. They are confronted with stereotypes, discrimination, and even violence solely because they are women and Muslims.
Anyway, you don't have to agree with everything the authors did - they became sex workers, got into a polygamous marriage, etc. But, you need to understand that they didn't do what they did solely because they WANTED TO. We need to see the structural and cultural barriers and inequalities that led them into these situations. So, please read this book with an open mind and exercise your own bias to avoid judging others' life choices.
As a Muslim woman in Indonesia—part of the majority group—I could never have imagined that in our neighboring country, which is so close, the situation for Muslim women would be so different. In Indonesia, we may have the freedom to practice our religion, easy access to places of worship, but not for the women in these stories. They are confronted with stereotypes, discrimination, and even violence solely because they are women and Muslims.
Anyway, you don't have to agree with everything the authors did - they became sex workers, got into a polygamous marriage, etc. But, you need to understand that they didn't do what they did solely because they WANTED TO. We need to see the structural and cultural barriers and inequalities that led them into these situations. So, please read this book with an open mind and exercise your own bias to avoid judging others' life choices.
April 19, 2021
"We live in a time where knowledge, information, and ideologies are easily accessible. We do not need to hark back to the interpretations and teachings of old; we can and should instead determine for ourselves what it means to be a Muslim woman. In our pursuit of learning and finding meaning in our lives, we will always grow."
This might have been the hardest read for me so far this year. Not intellectually, just... emotionally, and how much I found my truth being reflected in these little fragments of stories - it makes me almost sad, somehow. The fact that our experiences may be unique but emotions are never unique to ourselves, it's a universal concept and that is... sad. It was interesting to see the different perspectives to this issue, though - and the idea that there is not a correct answer. At the end, an empowered woman is someone who lives their lives - it's not about what they choose, it's about the matter of them being the one making the choices in their lives. And even at that point, many of us are still ripped off that right.
Then again, life goes on, and I suppose we continue trying to make other people's truths better, and perhaps that is the most important thing. The formation of our identity is something that lasts a lifetime, and it's okay if I'm not the person I thought it would be. It's okay if the person I would be tomorrow is not the person I am today. The world still turns, somehow.
This might have been the hardest read for me so far this year. Not intellectually, just... emotionally, and how much I found my truth being reflected in these little fragments of stories - it makes me almost sad, somehow. The fact that our experiences may be unique but emotions are never unique to ourselves, it's a universal concept and that is... sad. It was interesting to see the different perspectives to this issue, though - and the idea that there is not a correct answer. At the end, an empowered woman is someone who lives their lives - it's not about what they choose, it's about the matter of them being the one making the choices in their lives. And even at that point, many of us are still ripped off that right.
Then again, life goes on, and I suppose we continue trying to make other people's truths better, and perhaps that is the most important thing. The formation of our identity is something that lasts a lifetime, and it's okay if I'm not the person I thought it would be. It's okay if the person I would be tomorrow is not the person I am today. The world still turns, somehow.
October 4, 2021
If you tell your story but there’s no one there to hear it, did you really tell your story?
This book gives a much-needed platform to the voices of Malay and Muslim women growing up in Singapore. These stories are all around us, and it’s about time we pay attention to them.
I wasn’t expecting the amount of violence and abuse discussed in these entries. There aren’t a lot of graphic details but it’s always confronting to hear survivors’ stories - it’s incredibly brave for many of these women to put their names to their words. One statement in an early story has really stayed with me: “abusers are very set in their ways; you can’t get them to stop.” It took me forever to learn that about my own abusers, and when I think about current conversations happening in Singapore about abuse following the BooksActually expose, the biggest question in my mind remains how best we as a society should approach sexual predators.
I really enjoyed Diana Rahim’s The Desire for Outside, where she discusses eloquently women’s desire for life beyond the domestic. My favourite entries were two written by someone under the moniker Ham, who reveals themselves to be witty, perceptive and authentic. I hope they publish more work in the future.
This book gives a much-needed platform to the voices of Malay and Muslim women growing up in Singapore. These stories are all around us, and it’s about time we pay attention to them.
I wasn’t expecting the amount of violence and abuse discussed in these entries. There aren’t a lot of graphic details but it’s always confronting to hear survivors’ stories - it’s incredibly brave for many of these women to put their names to their words. One statement in an early story has really stayed with me: “abusers are very set in their ways; you can’t get them to stop.” It took me forever to learn that about my own abusers, and when I think about current conversations happening in Singapore about abuse following the BooksActually expose, the biggest question in my mind remains how best we as a society should approach sexual predators.
I really enjoyed Diana Rahim’s The Desire for Outside, where she discusses eloquently women’s desire for life beyond the domestic. My favourite entries were two written by someone under the moniker Ham, who reveals themselves to be witty, perceptive and authentic. I hope they publish more work in the future.
August 29, 2023
Sebagai perempuan muslim-melayu, membaca buku ini bagai bertemu dengan teman-teman senasib haha.
Banyak hal-hal yang aku pikirkan dan rasakan sebelumnya aneh atau tidak sesuai dengan apa yang dipercayai sekitar ku. Setelahnya, aku jadi sadar bahwa apa yang ku pikirkan itu memang hal yang aneh, dan yang ku rasakan juga benar. Semacam mendapat validasi.
Dimulai dari hal-hal paling general, anggota keluarga laki-laki di keluarga melayu hidup bak raja. Segala kebutuhan mereka, bahkan yang sederhana seperti mencuci piring bekas mereka makan saja mesti dilakukan oleh anggota keluarga perempuan. Kemudian mendapat privillege dan benefits paling banyak.
Hingga ke hal-hal "tabu" seperti mens, belum nikah at late 20s, perceraian, sexuality, poligami, and more. Yes, more.
Kisah-kisah yang ada di buku ini beragam, ada yang membuat aku tersenyum lucu, meringis, kesal, marah, tidak bisa berkata apa-apa, dan membuat aku bertanya "apakah hal-hal umum yang kita lakukan selama ini merupakan bagian dari perintah Allah dan agama Islam, atau hanya kebudayaan yang diatur segelintir orang?"
...
"I laugh at the ridiculousness of it all because there is nothing embarassing about being a woman. But society seems to think otherwise" - Shaffiqa
Banyak hal-hal yang aku pikirkan dan rasakan sebelumnya aneh atau tidak sesuai dengan apa yang dipercayai sekitar ku. Setelahnya, aku jadi sadar bahwa apa yang ku pikirkan itu memang hal yang aneh, dan yang ku rasakan juga benar. Semacam mendapat validasi.
Dimulai dari hal-hal paling general, anggota keluarga laki-laki di keluarga melayu hidup bak raja. Segala kebutuhan mereka, bahkan yang sederhana seperti mencuci piring bekas mereka makan saja mesti dilakukan oleh anggota keluarga perempuan. Kemudian mendapat privillege dan benefits paling banyak.
Hingga ke hal-hal "tabu" seperti mens, belum nikah at late 20s, perceraian, sexuality, poligami, and more. Yes, more.
Kisah-kisah yang ada di buku ini beragam, ada yang membuat aku tersenyum lucu, meringis, kesal, marah, tidak bisa berkata apa-apa, dan membuat aku bertanya "apakah hal-hal umum yang kita lakukan selama ini merupakan bagian dari perintah Allah dan agama Islam, atau hanya kebudayaan yang diatur segelintir orang?"
...
"I laugh at the ridiculousness of it all because there is nothing embarassing about being a woman. But society seems to think otherwise" - Shaffiqa
July 2, 2025
Growing Up Perempuan is a powerful, eye-opening collection of stories from Malay-Muslim women who courageously speak out against the injustices they have endured under Islam. This book is not just important—it is essential. It provides a platform for women within the community to voice their struggles, ensuring that their narratives are heard without the distortion of external biases.
The strength of this book lies in its authenticity. These are not stories told by outsiders looking in; they are raw, unfiltered accounts from women who have lived through systemic oppression—female genital mutilation, forced marriages, polygamy, unequal divorce rights, moral policing, and the stifling weight of religious expectations. By sharing their experiences, these women reclaim their agency and challenge the structures that have silenced them for too long.
One of the most vital aspects of Growing Up Perempuan is that it allows Malay-Muslim women to lead the conversation about their own liberation. Too often, critiques of injustice within Muslim communities are dismissed as "Islamophobic" or "racist" when they come from outsiders. But when the voices come from within—from those who have lived the reality—the legitimacy of their grievances cannot be denied.
The contributors do not merely lament their suffering; they also envision a future where equality, dignity, and autonomy are not privileges but rights. Their words are a call to action—not just for reform within religious and cultural frameworks, but for solidarity among all Singaporeans who believe in justice.
The strength of this book lies in its authenticity. These are not stories told by outsiders looking in; they are raw, unfiltered accounts from women who have lived through systemic oppression—female genital mutilation, forced marriages, polygamy, unequal divorce rights, moral policing, and the stifling weight of religious expectations. By sharing their experiences, these women reclaim their agency and challenge the structures that have silenced them for too long.
One of the most vital aspects of Growing Up Perempuan is that it allows Malay-Muslim women to lead the conversation about their own liberation. Too often, critiques of injustice within Muslim communities are dismissed as "Islamophobic" or "racist" when they come from outsiders. But when the voices come from within—from those who have lived the reality—the legitimacy of their grievances cannot be denied.
The contributors do not merely lament their suffering; they also envision a future where equality, dignity, and autonomy are not privileges but rights. Their words are a call to action—not just for reform within religious and cultural frameworks, but for solidarity among all Singaporeans who believe in justice.
June 6, 2020
The experiences of brown women in Singapore are so diverse, and this collection underscores the fact that Muslim women are not a monolith. In their own unique voices these women talk about familial expectations, domestic and sexual abuse, work life, sexuality, and more. A lot of pieces stood out to me — some include ‘A Muslim Woman’s Guide to the Workplace Part 2’ (page 24) which traces the workplace experiences of minorities (‘Only matters discussed in English will be noted and minuted down. Thank you.’), Not Your Fair Lady’ (page 200), a poem targeting colourism, ‘From the Lens of a Shia Minority in Singapore’ (page 57), which highlighted a beautiful point I’ve often thought myself, despite the challenge we face as minorities — ‘being a minority can lead you to seek knowledge because of the endless questions, rumours, accusations, and labels. And this means you can become someone who has a deeper understanding of differences and diversity’.
December 11, 2021
Me as i’m reading: 😮🤯🥴🥺🤢😵💫☠️
Be warned: The book can be triggering.
What to do before reading: Come to the book without any prejudice BUT be critical of what you can and cannot take with regards to the deen.
Why you might want to consider picking it up: There’s an incredible amount of things you can learn from listening to stories of women from all walks of life. Their struggles with identity, ethnicity, abandonment, abuse, sexuality, etc. Some of these stories are written like an interview while others like an afterthought. Definitely eye-opening.
What I thought could be better: While I find comfort in feeling that I could relate to some of their difficulties, I do also feel like it’s a compilation of women trying to shout their views openly given this platfrom through the book and it can feel extremely noisy? Like some protest campaign.
Be warned: The book can be triggering.
What to do before reading: Come to the book without any prejudice BUT be critical of what you can and cannot take with regards to the deen.
Why you might want to consider picking it up: There’s an incredible amount of things you can learn from listening to stories of women from all walks of life. Their struggles with identity, ethnicity, abandonment, abuse, sexuality, etc. Some of these stories are written like an interview while others like an afterthought. Definitely eye-opening.
What I thought could be better: While I find comfort in feeling that I could relate to some of their difficulties, I do also feel like it’s a compilation of women trying to shout their views openly given this platfrom through the book and it can feel extremely noisy? Like some protest campaign.
October 6, 2020
Hidden in these collated essays are the intersectional struggles of being Malay, Female and Muslim. I'd recommend anyone to have a read "regardless of race, language and religion", because you'd learn how these principles of equality were conspicuously absent when these women needed it the most. From struggles of internalised and casual racism, being discounted/disowned by their own community and loved ones to their grappling with religion and language, there are plenty of reflections to learn from.
November 1, 2020
Many things I thought I understood - but after reading this i realised how much specifics and nuances i didn’t understand about the experience of growing up as a Malay Malay woman in Singapore. Eye opening and has made me more aware as I navigate spaces in Singapore and encounter different people in my work here. Highly recommend this - there’s really nothing like reading personal first hand stories/anecdotes from others that might not directly be in your circle, to build empathy and deeper understanding in our wider communities.
April 7, 2019
The essays here were diverse, covering a variety of topics from sexuality to patriarchal mindsets to family life, ambition, internalised discrimination, hopes and dreams— mainly stemming from expectations imposed by cultural, familial and/or religious expectations on Malay and/or Muslim women. I'm happy that this is a space for Malay/Muslim women to express their struggles and their ambitions, accessible for the general public to read and understand.
April 10, 2020
I thought my problems as a Malay-Muslim woman in Singapore were bad enough. Reading this made me realise I am not the only one who feels strongly about these things. The only difference being I'm not doing anything about it while so many other women are doing what they can to help others in the community.
July 26, 2021
yet another eye opener into the rich tapestry of religious, cultural, and community norms and expectations, and often an active rebellion against these cut up ideas of how Malay women should be. again another reminder of how human we are in our struggles and how an openness to the diversity of human emotions and experiences is key
January 8, 2023
A great read on the collection of stories by Singaporean women. I've learned so much from the touching stories they bravely shared, struggles they had to overcome with the biggest overarching theme of finding their true identities as a result. Also loved how this book brings out my feminist and egalitarian side!
June 16, 2019
Interesting content about girls growing up in the Singapore Malay society. Some, I relate. Some, I acknowledge. Some, I disagree. Some, makes me wonder if I can be as strong when faced with what some of these girls have faced. You are the choice you make.
July 1, 2021
Grateful that a collection like this exists. I just want everyone to read it and understand, because the stories and lives in here are all important and real, and it’s not too often that we hear them being told as it is.
March 14, 2023
Hits home even for a Malay guy like me as I’ve heard similar stories from Malay female friends and family members. I’d highly recommend to my other Malay guys out there to read it. You’d start to understand and appreciate perempuan Melayu better. I’d love me a part II to this book. Love it so much.
April 11, 2025
As a reader who grew up navigating expectations, silences, and the unspoken weight of being a brown girl in Southeast Asia, this felt like coming home to stories I didn’t know I needed.
If you’ve ever struggled with faith, family, shame, strength, or softness — this book is for you.
If you’ve ever struggled with faith, family, shame, strength, or softness — this book is for you.
October 1, 2018
Wonderful collection of stories and interviews.
August 12, 2024
Some stories encapsulate the universal Malay-Muslim girl experience, and some stories I didn't even know existed in the community.
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