Never After

by Billie Dale

When I walked down the aisle all those years ago, I thought I was about to begin a fairytale romance...

I rode off into the sunset and fell off the end of the world.

Now my, should’ve been, Prince Charming is doing a stint behind bars, and my two kids and I have been dropped on our butts at the one place I never wanted to see again - the home of my witchy, poisoned-apple-giving Wicked Stepmother.

I've got to get my kids and I out of there, before she goes back to her old tricks. But it’ll take a whole lot more than my meager wages from cleaning for the seven messiest men in history.

Elsabeth Delle bursts into my life like a winter storm - with an idea that might get both of us damsels out of our distress.

A little skin, a little heat, a little pleasure; all under the guise of the Princess of Innocence.

What could go wrong?

As it turns out, it's not a what. It's a who.

Royal Princeps - all radiant green eyes, perfect scruff and a body made for sin. Even better, it doesn't take a magic mirror to tell me he thinks I'm the Fairest of Them All.

On the surface he seems to be my knight in shining armor, but his secrets have me huffing and puffing.

Never After is a Snow White-inspired novella stand-alone romantic slap stick, curse-word infused comedic bedtime story for adults only - exploring what happens when your fairytale "happy ending" backfires.

Genres: Romance, Fantasy, Contemporary

Unknown Binding

About the author

Billie grew up, lives and is lost in Indiana. In the smallest of small towns that is not even worth mentioning.  She has 4 children, two dogs, a cat and a husband that deals with a house full of females. He is the perfect book boyfriend and her inspiration.  
She spends her time reading, constantly reading, swimming, procrastinating, playing in photoshop and writing. Any other free time is spent with her amazingly sexy, tattooed, serious arm porn having husband, who is the best husband on the planet and her best friend.   She loves to live inside the fantasy world that only books can provide and the voices in her head are her chosen confidants.

Reviews

[Coco.V]

💝FREE on Amazon today (8/7/2018)!💝

[Julia Red Hatter Book Blog · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never After is one of the cutest, funniest, original fairytale retellings I've ever read! The way Billie Dale seamlessly incorporated modern real life to fairytales has me begging for more! After learning her prince was really a con man, Snowy takes to doing whatever she can to make money and help her two kids. After meeting Elsa, Snowy and her decide on a plan and all it involves is a mask, a video camera, and some moans.

I laughed so hard throughout this novella. For the first time ever I wish it was more than a novella. Not because it feels unfinished, but because I honestly wanted more from this world. I enjoyed everything from the crazy schemes, to the crazy animals, to the romance blooming from Royal and Snowy. Royal is amazing and sexy. He's also very sweet to her kids and an all around great match to Snowy. If you are a fan of fairytales you HAVE to read this one! It's one of the funniest I've read!

[Flavs is Mrs David Gandy♥~♥’ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.85 Stars

I haven't read anything by this author before, this was my first book
And I have to say it was good.

Snowy believed she found her Prince charming when he rescued her form her evil stepmother. Years later her husband is in jail after he stole from his clients, now she is back home living with her stepmother again.
When she crashes into Royal (yummm, lol) at her housekeeping job it looks like her life might be turning around, or is it?

This was one hot steamy dirty version of Snow White, but i have to say it was a fun read for me. I have to say this author describes things in a way that you will have no problem picturing the scenes in this book. Definitely not the last time for me.

Reviewed on behalf of

[Heather Hansard · Rating 4 out of 5]

3 & 3/4 stars

This was my first read from Billie Dale, and although it's not my go-to genre, I enjoyed this reimaginged fairytale mashup! There were laugh out loud moments, as well as steaminess....all in all, I would recommend this quick read.

[Gavinsmommaloves2read · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had not had the pleasure of reading this author before and I'm so glad I read Never After a complete retelling on some fairytale characters. Very dirty set in today times retelling. Snowy believed she found her Prince charming who rescued her from her evil step mother. Flash forward years later her husband in jail after stealing from his clients and her and there two are back in her stepmother home living in her basement. She just wants to save money and get her kids out of there and cleaning the up after the seven slobs is a job but a horrible job. After a horrible temp job as a princess she meets Elisbeth who needs to save to get out of living with her little sister and husband plus a reindeer. They decide to start up a web site getting paid to take it off. And during this time she's meets Royal honestly the perfect man. But when he actually ends up being a client and then acts like he didn't know it was her Snowy confused. Read this book and read about Snowy and Royal and all there hilarious friends. I really hope Billie will write more in this world as I loved it so look much!

[Ani · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love a good reworked fairytale but I usually have trouble reading modern day versions. I did not struggle at all with Never After. Billie Dale sucked me straight into her modern day story with a magical twist. I was captured and I didn’t want to escape. Snowy and Royal are close enough to the story for you to know who they are but modern enough for it to be different. The additions to other recognisable characters was excellent and I am looking forward to reading more about them. Pure genius with the way this story is written. She has intertwined the tales to create this brilliant bigger picture.

I loved it. More, more, more!

[Shawn Bersell · Rating 2 out of 5]

Had potential to be so much better

I really thought this would be a funny quirky enjoyable read. Instead it's almost as if an 8th grader wrote it. Well the premise of the story is humorous and there are a few things that are semi funny it just doesn't have what it takes to make it a truly good book.

Spelling errors and misspelled words take away from the storyline. The fact that in one sentence she blushes because she can't use a certain word and then the next she's constantly having a conversation with her vag again makes it just a stupid and childish book. Much better comedy books out there to be reading than this.

[Tammi · Rating 4 out of 5]

An odd but enjoyable twist on the story of Snow White.
Snowy was down on her luck her and her teenagers living with her "wicked" stepmother. I felt bad for her life really dealt her a crappy hand.
Enter Royal and they start a very strange and mysterious game of dating with a secret internet sex connection on the side. When all secrets are revealed, the games are over they exploded. Hot as can be!!! Definitely not the innocent Snow White we are used to.
This book was fun and made me smile with each fairytale classic reference. A short steamy book that I read in one relaxing afternoon.

[Lori Hammons · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very fun take on Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Snowy's life has fallen apart, and she and her teenagers end up living with the evil step-mother. When she crashes into Royal at her housekeeping job, things start to get interesting for her.

[Tiblu · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked this but....

I really really liked this but,I just wish Royals and Snow’s relationship had played out better/differently....
I think Ms.Dale is very clever and witty, there were moments she had me laughing out loud....
Even when I dearly wanted to slap Dex that stupid “dwarf” like guy she worked for when he acted like 35 was ancient and old... BS!

Sorry for any potential spoilers................

I adored Royal and I thought he and Snow had great chemistry together but the story just didn’t go like I’d hoped or thought...
I’d thought Royal would find out and catch on to what was happening like he did but then they’d have it out and some interesting kinky ( all things considered w/the web cam and all) ( plus beneath his sweet gentlemanly surface I could feel/sense a strong willed dominant man ) ( just his determination to find her after seeing her the second time at the grocery store) fun would happen as they grew in their relationship....
I didn’t enjoy ( even though I kinda sorta understood) Snow basically keeping her head in the sand about it and dragging it til the end of the book...
I mean come on,you know your boyfriend, the man your starting to fall for is your one and only customer and you let it drag out for months and months, not clearing the air and no real action beyond a chaste kiss ?!?!?
No, I didn’t enjoy that being dragged out til the book 📚, then with that resolved the HEA or something akin to it starts ...
I love the set up and the ideas behind this, fairy tale type PNR
( paranormal romance) is like superhero romance it’s not something you come across everyday ,sadly, I love it...
Everyone having a power, and Elsa, letting go and being such a foul mouthed bossy thing ;) loved it!!!
Would hav loved it more if we could have seen her getting together with Jack Frost, I’ve loved me some stories w/Jack Frost as a romantic lead ;)

For me I loved the idea behind this completely, but I felt Snow and Royal’s relationship for too much telling us about it and not enough showing us,I felt I spend more time in Snow’s head doing other things and few of them were her growing in her relationship with Royal or really getting to know him or vice versa,and I don’t like how she was able to shed her fear and do naughty things on line ( that I don’t think I could ever do) but was such a coward in person ...
Snow was felt a crappy hand,like most of us, her growth was slow to non existent in the ways she needed it most...

Soo while I’d love to give it 4 stars on the ideas alone,the romance on this was stuck in the slow lane too long for me to give more than 3...
Sorry Ms. Dale but Thanks for the fun...

[Brandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

You’ll laugh so hard you choke!

I do not recommend reading this at 2am when you’re trying to get your baby back to sleep! I seriously choked!!!
Otherwise, I definitely recommend this story. It’s hilarious and fun to see how she twists the characters we grew up with!

[Kaye · Rating 5 out of 5]

BRING PJ'S AND PLENTY OF BLUE BELL, OR BEN AND JERRY'S!!!
Ok guys, are you ready? I mean really ready? Ok you asked for it. I was kidnapped from my home and was laughing so hard I couldn't even catch a breath. Oh my goodness. Ok seriously now. Yes, it has it all. You couldn't tell with all the howling I was doing? Oh right. You can hear me when your reading. I'll yell louder next time. What you have here is a race against time. No! I'm still talking about this same read. Geez get it together people. Little miss Billie has won my heart. Her scenes were not only realistic but roll around on the floor, get out, omg vividly described that, well we'll just say I had to put it down for a moment shall we? Thanks. The personalities of the characters and all the things they got into, lord have mercy. They should make this for more than one genre. No seriously, this should also be a fast paced diet race because all the running around (ok so its only in your mind you don't have ruin it) laughing, tightening those muscles girlfriends you'll read it iver and over again. I kid you not. Grab you a copy and you'll see exactly what I mean. Oh, you might as well grab you BLUE BELL while your at it. What? I told you you'd lose that weight. This is remarkable read with all the grace of a queen and imagination of a wizard and for sight to bring it together and the crown. You can't get it any better thsn that. Don't take my word for it. Grab you a copy and send me a message to let me know how much this bad little princess rocked. I'm not sure where you might be ableto find me yet though. I might not have a job left. Just kidding. People don't get paid to live this life in luxury. A wonderful job Billie.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well I can definitely say that this was NOT the fairy tale that I grew up with! :)

Snow has been through the wringer and hit rock bottom. There is nowhere else to go, but enter a new friend with an intriguing idea and maybe the future will have a change for the better. She will no longer have to clean up after the 7 lazy brothers and live with her evil step-witch (had to make that a w :)). But now she also has hot as hades Royal coming around. But Snow is realistic, Prince Charming is a dream and there is no Happily Ever After. But … maybe she just needs to see that not every fairy tale ends in a Never After??

This is a cute satirical representation of a beloved character Snow White and her rather dramatic fall of happiness. Poor Snow has been kicked in the teeth, preverbally, one too many times. But she definitely shows some gumption in her effort to get out of the miasma that her life has turned into and move into the future.

And Royal … WOW! Now there is a man that can save me anytime! He definitely walks the walk to win Snow’s heart and he doesn’t take any shortcuts. He shows that he wants to be the man in Snow and her kids lives, and that is awesome to see.

All in all, I liked Never After. It was a funny read that had some definitely dirty takes that makes this not your child's tale, but an adult version with heat and humor!

eARC through Enticing Journey Book Promotions

[Amazeballs Book Addicts · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one is a short quick read. It was a really good read. Snowy thought she had found prince charming but it didn't turn out well. She ends up living with her stepmom. Snowy makes a new friend, Elsabeth. I loved Elsabeth. She had me laughing out loud at parts. Together Snowy and Elsabeth join together to make money to be able to get out of their current bad situations. Snowy meet Royal. Royal is super sexy and seems perfect. Snowy has already fell for prince charming who didn't turn out to be prince charming so with Royal she's not sure if he's the real deal or not. This one was a really fun read.

[Jamie Chomyc · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really LOVED this book!! Never After is well written and is one of the cutest books I have ever read!! Billie Dale had me laughing out loud!! I honestly never thought I would be reading an adult Snow White fairytale bug I did and I LOVED it!! I especially like how the seven stepbrother's were written!! This book is a must read and I recommend it to everyone It's time to fall in love with Snow White all over again!!

[Jenifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Gimme a break. Did I read the same book all these other reviewers did?

I thought this would be clever and tongue in cheek fun but it was cheesy and painful to read. My eyes hurt from rolling them so much. This reads as if it was written by a horny college student in a creative writing class that they were struggling to pass.

I feel this deserves only 1 star but I'll give it 2 for effort and for naming all the dwarfs.
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[Mandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I received an exclusive ARC copy of this book.". This book has a fantastic twist to snow white. Has some elements from the original but this one is so much more sexy. Loved this book. Exciting things happened. Loved the characters and names.

[Spunky N Sassy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spunky N Sassy Rating: 4.0

~~~~~~~~~~Lindsey's ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Review~~~~~~~~~~

I laughed so hard when I read this book. Billie Dale is hilarious and I hope there are more books to come.

[Minga Dotson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tongue in cheek humor combined with massive snark, this is a quick witted tale about second chances.

After her "fairy tale" marriage fell apart leaving Snowy with two teen age children and no place to go but to her evil stepmothers, she finds her backbone and hires out to seven brothers as their pig stye, whoops, house cleaner. Then she meets their friend Royal, and her new friend Elsa and the ice flies,a and so does some heat. The author has a talent for off the wall humor, but needs to do a bit of fine tuning with a proofreader to bring this saucy story up to perfection. Well worth your time as is though.

[Liz Etnyre · Rating 2 out of 5]

I made it about a third of the way before I gave up... Not horrid, but not actually good either. Really a cute premise, but not particularly well executed - kinda like mediocre fan-fiction. I could see where it's going pretty clearly and didn't really want to go there. Would love to read a 'cleaner', better written version of this story. 2 stars for the basic concept and cast of characters - really very promising - unfortunately, other than a very few cute lines, it was just promises....

[Angel Graham · Rating 3 out of 5]

Passable. Barely.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this story overall. The way it's written and the twists put on the ol fairytales is great. I only wish the story wasnt so rushed at the end. At least to me it seemed that way.

[Michelle Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow!

I have always loved fairy tales and this one is the best! I love that her life is messy and she me laugh! I definitely recommend this!

[Kimi · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a pretty cool read. Simple and interesting.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it. A spoof of Snow White and the seven dwarfs with sexy scenes and explicit language. A fun read.

[Judy V · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF

[Witchy Richey's Booktastic Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

A frolicking fun trip to happily ever after. I love the characters, tons of laughs and just an all around entertaining read!

You may know the story of Snow White and Elsa but you’ve never seen them so schmexy and hot.

And Royal will keep you guessing with his sexy green eyes and you’ll be wondering if he really is her white knight or the horses ass he rides in on.

[melody rainbow · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great re write of the classic fairy tale snow white.

Snowy thought she had the perfect life with her prince and 2 children, But now her husband is in jail.

She meets a new friend and possibly a new love interest.

This is a amazing book, with wonderful characters that will keep you reading to the end.
It has funny moments and plenty of romance.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am volunteering to leave a review of this ARC book. This is my first Billie Dale book; and will not be my last. What a very unique plot. Loved the fairytale characters. It was so much fun to read this book. I'd even be willing to read more about Snowy and Royal.

[Katja · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a weird little read. After her break-up, Snowy Whittaker hangs out with talking animals, starts a business with Elsa who can freeze things, and her royal prince watches her strip on webcam. I would have stopped reading but I had to know what happens next.