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Rape: From Lucretia to #MeToo
A bold, honest and unflinching look at the way we talk and think about rape.
From Title IX cases on campus, to #metoo and #timesup, rape is a definitive issue at the heart of feminism, and lately, it's barely out of the news. Cultural critic Mithu Sanyal is picking up where Susan Brownmiller left off in her influential 1975 book Against Our Will. In fact, she argues that the way we understand rape hasn't changed since then, even as the world has changed beyond recognition. She contends that it is high time for a new and informed debate about rape, sexual boundaries and consent.
Sanyal argues that the way we as a society understand rape tells us not just how we understand sexual violence, but how we understand sex, sexuality, and gender itself. For instance, why is it so hard to imagine men as victims of rape? Why do we expect victims to be irreparably damaged? When we think of rapists, why do we still think of strangers in dark alleys, rather than uncles, husbands, priests, or boyfriends?
The book examines the role of race and the trope of the black rapist, the omission of male victims, and what we mean when we talk about rape culture. She provocatively takes every received opinion we have about rape, and turns it inside out - arguing with liberals, conservatives, feminists and sexists alike.
From Title IX cases on campus, to #metoo and #timesup, rape is a definitive issue at the heart of feminism, and lately, it's barely out of the news. Cultural critic Mithu Sanyal is picking up where Susan Brownmiller left off in her influential 1975 book Against Our Will. In fact, she argues that the way we understand rape hasn't changed since then, even as the world has changed beyond recognition. She contends that it is high time for a new and informed debate about rape, sexual boundaries and consent.
Sanyal argues that the way we as a society understand rape tells us not just how we understand sexual violence, but how we understand sex, sexuality, and gender itself. For instance, why is it so hard to imagine men as victims of rape? Why do we expect victims to be irreparably damaged? When we think of rapists, why do we still think of strangers in dark alleys, rather than uncles, husbands, priests, or boyfriends?
The book examines the role of race and the trope of the black rapist, the omission of male victims, and what we mean when we talk about rape culture. She provocatively takes every received opinion we have about rape, and turns it inside out - arguing with liberals, conservatives, feminists and sexists alike.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published August 25, 2016
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About the author
Mithu M. Sanyal
13 books225 followersMithu M. Sanyal is an award winning broadcaster, academic and author
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 83 reviews
December 24, 2024
The trial against the 51 rapists of Gisèle Pelicot has not only proven once more that violence against women is omnipresent, but it has made apparent what is expected from victims - and Pelicot became a hero because she refused to feel ashamed for the violence acted out against her: She wanted the perpetrators to be ashamed for their deeds. Bravo, Gisèle. Reading Mithu Sanyal's short book about the history of rape and the cultural ideas attached to it, many events during the trial appear unsurprising.
Journalist and cultural historian Mithu Sanyal is a prominent figure in Germany, an outspoken feminist, author of the successful identity politics parody novel Identitti, and judge for the prestigious Ingeborg Bachmann Competition for Literature. The main focus of "Rape" is to question how we talk about rape, and what language and scripts we have to process it and ascribe meaning to it (just yesterday, I heard a radio report about "men who had sex with the unconscious Pélicot" - no, they did not have sex with her. They raped her. How is rape still classified as sex in the year of the Lord 2024?!). Sanyal ponders, for example, how a woman has to behave in order to be accepted as a victim, and even who she has to be, pointing to the terrible case of Gina-Lisa Lohfink whose rape was filmed and distributed - but as tv starlet Gina-Lisa did not live up to the idea of the ideal victim, she was insulted, shamed, and attacked on top of everything.
The book also dives into the difficult territory of how to deal with perpetrators: Should they forever be defined by their crime? And what about victims / survivors? Samantha Geimer, who was raped as a child by Roman Polanski, called her memoir The Girl: A Life in the Shadow of Roman Polanski, because the public and the media wouldn't want to allow her to be anything else than the child raped by Polanski. Kidnapping victim Natascha Kampusch was attacked and shamed because in her interviews and her memoir 3,096 Days, she refused to offer the public intimate details of her abuse - abuse she endured for eight years as a child locked into a cellar, abuse parts of the public now think they have a right to consume as entertainment in order to grant her plausible victim status. WTF is wrong with people.
All in all, this short book just offers glimpses into the abyss of this vast problem, but it's a start to talk about rape more openly - and also talk about it not only as a feminist issue, but as a human rights issue, as part of the problem is that men are perceived as default perpetrators and women as default victims. There are parts that are debatable, but that's how you start a debate!
Journalist and cultural historian Mithu Sanyal is a prominent figure in Germany, an outspoken feminist, author of the successful identity politics parody novel Identitti, and judge for the prestigious Ingeborg Bachmann Competition for Literature. The main focus of "Rape" is to question how we talk about rape, and what language and scripts we have to process it and ascribe meaning to it (just yesterday, I heard a radio report about "men who had sex with the unconscious Pélicot" - no, they did not have sex with her. They raped her. How is rape still classified as sex in the year of the Lord 2024?!). Sanyal ponders, for example, how a woman has to behave in order to be accepted as a victim, and even who she has to be, pointing to the terrible case of Gina-Lisa Lohfink whose rape was filmed and distributed - but as tv starlet Gina-Lisa did not live up to the idea of the ideal victim, she was insulted, shamed, and attacked on top of everything.
The book also dives into the difficult territory of how to deal with perpetrators: Should they forever be defined by their crime? And what about victims / survivors? Samantha Geimer, who was raped as a child by Roman Polanski, called her memoir The Girl: A Life in the Shadow of Roman Polanski, because the public and the media wouldn't want to allow her to be anything else than the child raped by Polanski. Kidnapping victim Natascha Kampusch was attacked and shamed because in her interviews and her memoir 3,096 Days, she refused to offer the public intimate details of her abuse - abuse she endured for eight years as a child locked into a cellar, abuse parts of the public now think they have a right to consume as entertainment in order to grant her plausible victim status. WTF is wrong with people.
All in all, this short book just offers glimpses into the abyss of this vast problem, but it's a start to talk about rape more openly - and also talk about it not only as a feminist issue, but as a human rights issue, as part of the problem is that men are perceived as default perpetrators and women as default victims. There are parts that are debatable, but that's how you start a debate!
December 1, 2021
Vergewaltigung hat mein Leben verändert. Sowohl die Erfahrung, die ich selbst gemacht habe, als auch die Lektüre von Mithu M. Sanyal darüber. Es ist ein sehr umfangreiches, sachliches aber gleichzeitig sensibles Werk.
Es gab in dem Buch viele Dinge, die ich über mich selbst noch nicht wusste.
Zum Beispiel, dass mein Gehirn für immer so umprogrammiert ist, dass ich Risiken anders bewerten werde/eingehen werde und es Dinge gibt, die jetzt neuronal anders gestrickt sind.
Lasst mich kurz ehrlich sein - es gab für mich kaum etwas, das härter war, als das Bewusstsein, dass irgendein Umstand einen von heut' auf morgen plötzlich sehr verändert hat. Die Person, die man bis dato kannte ist jetzt anders und so fühlt es sich plötzlich auch an. Fremd. Dazu noch das Wissen, dass man nie weiß wo man selbst anfängt und wo der Schatten einer schlechten Erfahrung aufhört. Das ist nur meine persönliche Erfahrung, aber für mich war das so prägend, dass ich mich oft heute noch in Situationen fühle wie eine Schauspielerin, die absolut nicht weiß, welche Rolle sie gerade aus ihrem Repertoire spielt und mimt und wer ich eigentlich bin. Sind dann natürlich (retraumatisierende) Ausnahmesituationen, aber vieles ist anders und bleibt auch anders.
Ähnlich, als würde man durch einen drückenden Hirntumor plötzlich schlechter sehen, gibt es auch bei Traumata Symptome und vorübergehende Bewältigungsstrategien (Ess-/Angststörungen, OCD, Kontrollsucht, Isolation, you name it), die einen verändern. Das ist zwar ganz "normal", allerdings auch ganz schön beängstigend.
Unterm Strich kann man aber nichts anderes tun, als gewisse Erfahrungen und deren Endresultate als Teil der eigenen Persönlichkeit anzunehmen. Ich rede jetzt vielleicht nicht gleich von "lieben lernen", aber sich selbst gut zu kennen und kennen zu lernen, das ist immer wertvoll.
Solche Momente hatte ich Dank dieses Buches so einige. Nach 13 Jahren.
"Oh, also deswegen mache ich das so und so".
Faszinierend. Und obwohl der Titel ja schon eine reine Triggerwarnung ist und vielleicht nicht jede/r sich zutraut es lesen zu wollen, kann ich für mich doch behaupten, dass es eine Art Zugang zu kollektiver Heilung bietet. Ich kann mir so gut vorstellen, dass die Vorträge der Autorin weltbewegend für Überlebende sein können. Es ist auch ein sehr akademischer und trockener Zugang zu dem Thema, das hilft mir persönlich auch immer mehr als schicksalsträchtige Romane zu dem Thema zu lesen. If you can't take the answer, don't ask the question - aber um den heißen Brei zu reden hilft mir nicht viel. Oder alternativ langsam irgendwohin geführt zu werden, wo im Endeffekt nur die Erfahrung einer Person dargestellt wird.
Niemand, der sexualisierte oder strukturelle Gewalt erfahren hat macht genau dieselben Erfahrungen und niemand geht auf dieselbe Weise mit diesem Trauma um. Das war auch eine sehr neue Information und Gedanke für mich. Ich für meinen Teil habe viele Jahre lang geschwiegen, dann habe ich gesprochen und mache mittlerweile tatsächlich ab und an sogar sehr derbe Jokes darüber, was mir wiederfahren ist. Und das ist in Ordnung. Es ist meine Geschichte, meine Erfahrung, I own it. Das war ein sehr wichtiger Aspekt des Buches, es gibt Überlebende da draußen, denen es sehr schnell wieder gut geht (zum Glück!) und die sich schlecht fühlen, weil sie sich nicht schlecht fühlen.
Aus diesem und noch vielen weiteren Gründen finde ich dieses Buch auch so wichtig, auch wenn der Titel erstmal abschreckt und ja - wenn man wie erwartet - dann nicht die leichte Lektüre in der Vorweihnachtszeit zum Kakao geliefert bekommt. Es lohnt sich sehr, auch für Menschen, die sich für das Thema und die Strukturen dahinter interessieren und nicht direkt Überlebende solcher Situationen sind.
Ganz klare Empfehlung.
Es gab in dem Buch viele Dinge, die ich über mich selbst noch nicht wusste.
Zum Beispiel, dass mein Gehirn für immer so umprogrammiert ist, dass ich Risiken anders bewerten werde/eingehen werde und es Dinge gibt, die jetzt neuronal anders gestrickt sind.
Lasst mich kurz ehrlich sein - es gab für mich kaum etwas, das härter war, als das Bewusstsein, dass irgendein Umstand einen von heut' auf morgen plötzlich sehr verändert hat. Die Person, die man bis dato kannte ist jetzt anders und so fühlt es sich plötzlich auch an. Fremd. Dazu noch das Wissen, dass man nie weiß wo man selbst anfängt und wo der Schatten einer schlechten Erfahrung aufhört. Das ist nur meine persönliche Erfahrung, aber für mich war das so prägend, dass ich mich oft heute noch in Situationen fühle wie eine Schauspielerin, die absolut nicht weiß, welche Rolle sie gerade aus ihrem Repertoire spielt und mimt und wer ich eigentlich bin. Sind dann natürlich (retraumatisierende) Ausnahmesituationen, aber vieles ist anders und bleibt auch anders.
Ähnlich, als würde man durch einen drückenden Hirntumor plötzlich schlechter sehen, gibt es auch bei Traumata Symptome und vorübergehende Bewältigungsstrategien (Ess-/Angststörungen, OCD, Kontrollsucht, Isolation, you name it), die einen verändern. Das ist zwar ganz "normal", allerdings auch ganz schön beängstigend.
Unterm Strich kann man aber nichts anderes tun, als gewisse Erfahrungen und deren Endresultate als Teil der eigenen Persönlichkeit anzunehmen. Ich rede jetzt vielleicht nicht gleich von "lieben lernen", aber sich selbst gut zu kennen und kennen zu lernen, das ist immer wertvoll.
Solche Momente hatte ich Dank dieses Buches so einige. Nach 13 Jahren.
"Oh, also deswegen mache ich das so und so".
Faszinierend. Und obwohl der Titel ja schon eine reine Triggerwarnung ist und vielleicht nicht jede/r sich zutraut es lesen zu wollen, kann ich für mich doch behaupten, dass es eine Art Zugang zu kollektiver Heilung bietet. Ich kann mir so gut vorstellen, dass die Vorträge der Autorin weltbewegend für Überlebende sein können. Es ist auch ein sehr akademischer und trockener Zugang zu dem Thema, das hilft mir persönlich auch immer mehr als schicksalsträchtige Romane zu dem Thema zu lesen. If you can't take the answer, don't ask the question - aber um den heißen Brei zu reden hilft mir nicht viel. Oder alternativ langsam irgendwohin geführt zu werden, wo im Endeffekt nur die Erfahrung einer Person dargestellt wird.
Niemand, der sexualisierte oder strukturelle Gewalt erfahren hat macht genau dieselben Erfahrungen und niemand geht auf dieselbe Weise mit diesem Trauma um. Das war auch eine sehr neue Information und Gedanke für mich. Ich für meinen Teil habe viele Jahre lang geschwiegen, dann habe ich gesprochen und mache mittlerweile tatsächlich ab und an sogar sehr derbe Jokes darüber, was mir wiederfahren ist. Und das ist in Ordnung. Es ist meine Geschichte, meine Erfahrung, I own it. Das war ein sehr wichtiger Aspekt des Buches, es gibt Überlebende da draußen, denen es sehr schnell wieder gut geht (zum Glück!) und die sich schlecht fühlen, weil sie sich nicht schlecht fühlen.
Aus diesem und noch vielen weiteren Gründen finde ich dieses Buch auch so wichtig, auch wenn der Titel erstmal abschreckt und ja - wenn man wie erwartet - dann nicht die leichte Lektüre in der Vorweihnachtszeit zum Kakao geliefert bekommt. Es lohnt sich sehr, auch für Menschen, die sich für das Thema und die Strukturen dahinter interessieren und nicht direkt Überlebende solcher Situationen sind.
Ganz klare Empfehlung.
May 21, 2020
2.5 stars
So many mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand it does make a convincing argument for changing the way we think about rape by thinking about perpetrators as being governed by social scripts before, during, and after their crime. It invites us to think of rape as a crime and not assign the crime as an identity to either the victim or the perpetrator. And it makes important points about the social scripts assigned to victims, failing to follow which they aren’t deemed legitimate victims. There is an important line about this: “you don’t have to fall apart to show that what happened to you was wrong” - a quote attributed to Samantha Geimer, whom filmmaker Roman Polanski had raped when she was thirteen (another point that the book makes that is relevant here is the lack of a language to talk about sexual violence without reproducing the social scripts that make it an intensely gendered phenomenon, and also make it a phenomenon that genders society itself).
That being said, the arguments made to arrive at these points were at times meandering, confusing, and sometimes relied on obscure studies and individual cases that captured a particular region’s moral interest. The problem is that it asks for rape to be thought about differently by resorting to individualising the phenomenon as a crime and instead takes issue with the collective response (by feminists, the media, the legal system alike) to individual cases. Gender stereotyping and social scripts make up the majority of the book’s investment in the problem of how we think about rape, with little to no mention of the role of capital, race, ethnicity and religion as constituent of gender. Sanyal does acknowledge these intersections in the context of the Cologne New Year’s Eve incident - only to emphasise the tendency of the right to attribute sexual violence as a cultural phenomenon of the Orient while individualising crimes that take place in the west. This is an important point, but it is not taken further to realise that individualising the solution has the same systemic blindspots as does individualising the problem. It is only in the afterword, for instance, that there is an acknowledgment of rape being used on a mass scale to perpetuate violence against communities during conflict such as in Bosnia. But there is still no way forward that Sanyal suggests in terms of how we are to think and talk about sexual violence as a tool in itself and not as collateral produced by the restrictive system of gender.
All this is to say - this book has some useful ways in which to think about sexual violence when dealing with the aftermath of its occurrence, but leaves glaring omissions in terms of how to treat sexual violence from a preventive angle - which would involve deeper engagements with structures beyond gender that the book lacks. This makes it fall into the very trappings of individualism that she criticises the right for, and makes the book ill suited to address the question of sexual violence beyond individual contexts anywhere. The lack of a postcolonial, anti-capitalist and anti-racist lens makes it almost entirely inapplicable for most contexts, and insufficient for western contexts especially.
So many mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand it does make a convincing argument for changing the way we think about rape by thinking about perpetrators as being governed by social scripts before, during, and after their crime. It invites us to think of rape as a crime and not assign the crime as an identity to either the victim or the perpetrator. And it makes important points about the social scripts assigned to victims, failing to follow which they aren’t deemed legitimate victims. There is an important line about this: “you don’t have to fall apart to show that what happened to you was wrong” - a quote attributed to Samantha Geimer, whom filmmaker Roman Polanski had raped when she was thirteen (another point that the book makes that is relevant here is the lack of a language to talk about sexual violence without reproducing the social scripts that make it an intensely gendered phenomenon, and also make it a phenomenon that genders society itself).
That being said, the arguments made to arrive at these points were at times meandering, confusing, and sometimes relied on obscure studies and individual cases that captured a particular region’s moral interest. The problem is that it asks for rape to be thought about differently by resorting to individualising the phenomenon as a crime and instead takes issue with the collective response (by feminists, the media, the legal system alike) to individual cases. Gender stereotyping and social scripts make up the majority of the book’s investment in the problem of how we think about rape, with little to no mention of the role of capital, race, ethnicity and religion as constituent of gender. Sanyal does acknowledge these intersections in the context of the Cologne New Year’s Eve incident - only to emphasise the tendency of the right to attribute sexual violence as a cultural phenomenon of the Orient while individualising crimes that take place in the west. This is an important point, but it is not taken further to realise that individualising the solution has the same systemic blindspots as does individualising the problem. It is only in the afterword, for instance, that there is an acknowledgment of rape being used on a mass scale to perpetuate violence against communities during conflict such as in Bosnia. But there is still no way forward that Sanyal suggests in terms of how we are to think and talk about sexual violence as a tool in itself and not as collateral produced by the restrictive system of gender.
All this is to say - this book has some useful ways in which to think about sexual violence when dealing with the aftermath of its occurrence, but leaves glaring omissions in terms of how to treat sexual violence from a preventive angle - which would involve deeper engagements with structures beyond gender that the book lacks. This makes it fall into the very trappings of individualism that she criticises the right for, and makes the book ill suited to address the question of sexual violence beyond individual contexts anywhere. The lack of a postcolonial, anti-capitalist and anti-racist lens makes it almost entirely inapplicable for most contexts, and insufficient for western contexts especially.
February 26, 2018
"Was verrät es uns aber über unsere Kultur, dass es uns so schwerfällt, über Vergewaltigung anders zu sprechen als über ein Verbrechen, das Männer Frauen antun, obwohl das nicht die ganze Geschichte ist? Nachdem Genitalien und Chromosomen und Hormone nicht mehr ausreichen, um Geschlecht eindeutig zu bestimmen, [...] wäre es doch überaus verwunderlich, wenn sich jetzt herausstellte, dass der wahre Geschlechterunterschied in einer Disposition zu sexueller Gewalt begründet liegt."
Ich kannte und mochte bereits Vulva: die Enthüllung des unsichtbaren Geschlechts und einige Interviews und Artikel der Autorin zu verschiedenen aktuellen Debatten. Auf das Erscheinen ihres neuen Buches "Vergewaltigung: Aspekte eines Verbrechens" wurde ich vor allem aufmerksam durch die Rezeption in den Medien, die auch mit der "Nein heißt Nein"-Debatte, dem Fall Lohfink und der Verschärfung des deutschen Sexualstrafrechts einherging. Manchen Kommentare ließen leicht erahnen, wer das Buch nicht gelesen hatte (oder nicht einmal den betreffenden Artikel zum Buch) und stattdessen wie so oft nur den Facebook-Aufmacher kommentierte - und wessen einziges Anliegen es war, seinen persönlichen Überzeugungen Luft zu verschaffen.
Ich selbst habe das Buch eine Zeitlang nicht weiter beachtet, weil das Thema Vergewaltigung nicht gerade zur angenehmen Unterhaltung taugt. Auch Sanyal schreibt in der einleitenden Triggerwarnung:
"Mein erstes Buch, über die Kulturgeschichte der Vulva, war eine Wiederaneignung, ein Wohlfühlbuch, das noch dazu politisch war. Was kann man mehr verlangen?
Ein Buch über Vergewaltigung ist notgedrungen weniger gut gelaunt, das liegt in der Natur der Sache. Aber muss es das wirklich sein?"
Aber auch:
"Ich habe mein Bestes gegeben, dieses Thema ebenfalls zu einem befreienden Leseerlebnis zu machen, schließlich ist es ja auch eine Wiederaneignung: von Denk- und Handlungsoptionen. Denn, davon bin ich überzeugt, die Art, wie wir uns etwas vorstellen, beeinflusst die Art, wie es Macht über uns hat, und sogar die Art, wie es in der Welt ist."
Dies ist ihr durchaus gelungen. Sanyal schreibt sehr interessant, informativ, unterhaltsam. Gleichzeitig ist ihr Vorgehen wissenschaftlich. Zahlreiche Quellen werden herangezogen, zitiert und analysiert, von (historischen) Gesetzestexten und Gerichtsverfahren, über Beispiele aus Literatur, Film und Malerei bis hin zu philosophischen, religiösen und wissenschaftlichen Texten. Unvoreingenommen benennt sie verschiedene Standpunkte und Perspektiven. Seite um Seite wird deutlich, dass es eben nicht nur zwei klar umrissene Sachverhalte "Opfer vs. Täter" bzw. "Gut und Böse" gibt. So räumt sie mit zahlreichen alten Mythen und Stereotypen auf, wobei die Narrative vom Mann als Täter und der Frau als Opfer nur einer von vielen ist.
Doch das Beste an diesem Buch ist, dass es seine Eingangsprämisse, anders über Vergewaltigung zu sprechen und zu denken, tatsächlich einlöst. Wie gründlich und überzeugend dies geschieht, zeigt sich darin, dass mir während des Lesens nicht nur diese Intention plötzlich sehr bewußt wurde, sondern ich auch meine eigenen Ansichten zu hinterfragen begann. "Darüber anders zu sprechen und zu denken - was für eine Befreiung wäre das." Wenn man den historischen und ideologischen Ballast (Scham, Ehrverlust, Sünde, Schuld, Verletzung, Beschädigung etc.) abwerfen könnte - wie viel oder wenig Trauma bliebe dann? So fühlt sich das Buch zu keinem Zeitpunkt an wie ein Selbsthilfe- oder Wohlfühlbuch und hat trotzdem eine heilsame Wirkung. Schon allein dadurch, dass man erkennt, wie sich das "Konzept Vergewaltigung" (gemeinsam mit Geschlechter- und Rollenbildern) historisch gewandelt hat und aus welchen Aspekten es sich heute zusammensetzt. Woran man auch gleichzeitig erahnen kann, wie es sich weiter wandeln könnte. Das allein ist eine wunderbare befreiende Erkenntnis. Ich kann die Lektüre deshalb wirklich jedem empfehlen.
Ich kannte und mochte bereits Vulva: die Enthüllung des unsichtbaren Geschlechts und einige Interviews und Artikel der Autorin zu verschiedenen aktuellen Debatten. Auf das Erscheinen ihres neuen Buches "Vergewaltigung: Aspekte eines Verbrechens" wurde ich vor allem aufmerksam durch die Rezeption in den Medien, die auch mit der "Nein heißt Nein"-Debatte, dem Fall Lohfink und der Verschärfung des deutschen Sexualstrafrechts einherging. Manchen Kommentare ließen leicht erahnen, wer das Buch nicht gelesen hatte (oder nicht einmal den betreffenden Artikel zum Buch) und stattdessen wie so oft nur den Facebook-Aufmacher kommentierte - und wessen einziges Anliegen es war, seinen persönlichen Überzeugungen Luft zu verschaffen.
Ich selbst habe das Buch eine Zeitlang nicht weiter beachtet, weil das Thema Vergewaltigung nicht gerade zur angenehmen Unterhaltung taugt. Auch Sanyal schreibt in der einleitenden Triggerwarnung:
"Mein erstes Buch, über die Kulturgeschichte der Vulva, war eine Wiederaneignung, ein Wohlfühlbuch, das noch dazu politisch war. Was kann man mehr verlangen?
Ein Buch über Vergewaltigung ist notgedrungen weniger gut gelaunt, das liegt in der Natur der Sache. Aber muss es das wirklich sein?"
Aber auch:
"Ich habe mein Bestes gegeben, dieses Thema ebenfalls zu einem befreienden Leseerlebnis zu machen, schließlich ist es ja auch eine Wiederaneignung: von Denk- und Handlungsoptionen. Denn, davon bin ich überzeugt, die Art, wie wir uns etwas vorstellen, beeinflusst die Art, wie es Macht über uns hat, und sogar die Art, wie es in der Welt ist."
Dies ist ihr durchaus gelungen. Sanyal schreibt sehr interessant, informativ, unterhaltsam. Gleichzeitig ist ihr Vorgehen wissenschaftlich. Zahlreiche Quellen werden herangezogen, zitiert und analysiert, von (historischen) Gesetzestexten und Gerichtsverfahren, über Beispiele aus Literatur, Film und Malerei bis hin zu philosophischen, religiösen und wissenschaftlichen Texten. Unvoreingenommen benennt sie verschiedene Standpunkte und Perspektiven. Seite um Seite wird deutlich, dass es eben nicht nur zwei klar umrissene Sachverhalte "Opfer vs. Täter" bzw. "Gut und Böse" gibt. So räumt sie mit zahlreichen alten Mythen und Stereotypen auf, wobei die Narrative vom Mann als Täter und der Frau als Opfer nur einer von vielen ist.
Doch das Beste an diesem Buch ist, dass es seine Eingangsprämisse, anders über Vergewaltigung zu sprechen und zu denken, tatsächlich einlöst. Wie gründlich und überzeugend dies geschieht, zeigt sich darin, dass mir während des Lesens nicht nur diese Intention plötzlich sehr bewußt wurde, sondern ich auch meine eigenen Ansichten zu hinterfragen begann. "Darüber anders zu sprechen und zu denken - was für eine Befreiung wäre das." Wenn man den historischen und ideologischen Ballast (Scham, Ehrverlust, Sünde, Schuld, Verletzung, Beschädigung etc.) abwerfen könnte - wie viel oder wenig Trauma bliebe dann? So fühlt sich das Buch zu keinem Zeitpunkt an wie ein Selbsthilfe- oder Wohlfühlbuch und hat trotzdem eine heilsame Wirkung. Schon allein dadurch, dass man erkennt, wie sich das "Konzept Vergewaltigung" (gemeinsam mit Geschlechter- und Rollenbildern) historisch gewandelt hat und aus welchen Aspekten es sich heute zusammensetzt. Woran man auch gleichzeitig erahnen kann, wie es sich weiter wandeln könnte. Das allein ist eine wunderbare befreiende Erkenntnis. Ich kann die Lektüre deshalb wirklich jedem empfehlen.
January 16, 2020
This is an English translation of a book published in Germany in 2016. The translation includes an updated afterword. The points raised in the book are good, and her points about how we should view rapists does provoke thought. I do wish there had been more up to date studies.
February 24, 2023
Can a book about Rape be too smart?
In a way, this one is. Mithu M Sanyal calls for a more differentiated view of gender roles and rape:
Women aren't just prey (even though we are thought to behave like prey).
Men aren't just perpetrators (even though society in many ways pushes that image on them).
Rape survivors aren't just victims. At the same time, believing victims is important, and not re-traumatising them more by media exposure or unfair questions in court trials has not been done enough.
Men can also be rape victims, and women perpetrators, even in unexpected, unintuitive ways (how female prison guards harass and rape inmates; or the female soldiers in Guantanamo Bay, who were just as violent to the prisoners as the male guards).
Pushing rigid gender roles hurts everyone, although in different ways: women get victimized and diminished. Trans or non-binary persons get erased or worse, attacked for just existing. Men are forced to "man up" from an early age: even baby boys are talked to and cuddled less; a toddler in "boy" clothes gets less affection and no toys such as dolls that will give him the tools to properly navigate the social landscape.
Rape happens all the time, but sometimes society sees rape where there wasn't actual rape, because racist fear and ...
Sorry, apparently I never finished that thought.
In a way, this one is. Mithu M Sanyal calls for a more differentiated view of gender roles and rape:
Women aren't just prey (even though we are thought to behave like prey).
Men aren't just perpetrators (even though society in many ways pushes that image on them).
Rape survivors aren't just victims. At the same time, believing victims is important, and not re-traumatising them more by media exposure or unfair questions in court trials has not been done enough.
Men can also be rape victims, and women perpetrators, even in unexpected, unintuitive ways (how female prison guards harass and rape inmates; or the female soldiers in Guantanamo Bay, who were just as violent to the prisoners as the male guards).
Pushing rigid gender roles hurts everyone, although in different ways: women get victimized and diminished. Trans or non-binary persons get erased or worse, attacked for just existing. Men are forced to "man up" from an early age: even baby boys are talked to and cuddled less; a toddler in "boy" clothes gets less affection and no toys such as dolls that will give him the tools to properly navigate the social landscape.
Rape happens all the time, but sometimes society sees rape where there wasn't actual rape, because racist fear and ...
Sorry, apparently I never finished that thought.
September 6, 2019
I didn’t agree with all of the author’s opinions, but this book certainly made me consider things I hadn’t before and taught me a lot.
On a side note, there were quite a few grammatical and spelling errors.
On a side note, there were quite a few grammatical and spelling errors.
July 28, 2021
Mithu M. Sanyal beleuchtet in diesem Buch verschiedene Perspektiven, die bei einer Auseinandersetzung mit Vergewaltigungen wichtig sind bzw. sein sollten. Diese hier stattfindende Auseinandersetzung scheint sehr tiefgründig, und ausreichend recherchiert, mit zahlreichen Belegen, Quellenangaben und Erklärungen.
Interessant finde ich auch die Erörterung über unseren sprachlichen Umgang mit der Tat an sich, aber auch deren Bezeichnung, sowie das Konstrukt der Täter- und Opferrollen. Das Ganze ist in einem sehr intensiven, aufschlussreichen Bericht zusammengefasst.
Ich habe viel neue Gedanken und Sichtweisen entdecken können, die auch meinen persönlichen Umgang mit der Thematik verändern werden. Und auch wenn ich nicht mit allen Punkten der Autorin übereinstimme, regte es mich sehr zum Nachdenken an, und ich werde mit Sicherheit noch länger mit diesem Text beschäftigt sein.
Interessant finde ich auch die Erörterung über unseren sprachlichen Umgang mit der Tat an sich, aber auch deren Bezeichnung, sowie das Konstrukt der Täter- und Opferrollen. Das Ganze ist in einem sehr intensiven, aufschlussreichen Bericht zusammengefasst.
Ich habe viel neue Gedanken und Sichtweisen entdecken können, die auch meinen persönlichen Umgang mit der Thematik verändern werden. Und auch wenn ich nicht mit allen Punkten der Autorin übereinstimme, regte es mich sehr zum Nachdenken an, und ich werde mit Sicherheit noch länger mit diesem Text beschäftigt sein.
November 25, 2019
En unas horas es 25N, el Día Internacional de la Eliminación de la Violencia Contra las Mujeres. En unas horas estaré, junto con miles de mujeres de todo el país, manifestándome en la calle. ¿Por qué? ¿Acaso manifestarnos hará que los hombres dejen de agredirnos? La verdad es que no lo creo. ¿Acaso manifestarnos hará que los políticos cambien las leyes? Quiero pensar que sí. ¿Así los hombres dejarán de agredirnos? Al menos tendrán miedo de las consecuencias. ¿Qué es lo que quiero conseguir saliendo a la calle a manifestarme? Quiero que la sociedad cambie y que la cultura de la v.olación quede en el pasado. Me gustaría que desde las escuelas se educase a los niños para que no ejerciesen la violencia contra las mujeres. Pero mi sueño a corto plazo es sencillo y a la vez complicado. Mi sueño es que en un juicio por v.olación, donde hay incluso vídeos de la agresión, todos y cada uno de los jueces digan rotundamente y sin la menor duda; los acusados son culpables. Culpables de v.olación. Culpables.
▫️
A lo largo de estas semanas he ido subiendo a stories fragmentos de este ensayo. Este es un libro que merece no solo ser comprado y leído, merece ser memorizado. Mithu deconstruye los cimientos de la v.olación a lo largo de los siglos. Desde los “padres” que crearon el mito, Aristóteles, Freud, Rousseau y Ovidio, hasta la actualidad donde películas, libros, y medios de comunicación se creen con el derecho de marcar las pautas para decidir qué es una v.olación y que no. Ovidio dijo; “Aunque diga que la has poseído con violencia, no te importe; esa violencia gusta a las mujeres: quieren que se les arranque por la fuerza lo que desean conceder (...)”. Se perpetuó que la violencia hacía las mujeres era acogida con agrado, algo que arraigó en la legislación hasta la década de 1970. “En un caso de v.olación la mujer no solo tenía que probar que se había resistido físicamente a su agresor, sino que había mantenido dicha resistencia de manera constante. Después de todo, podría haberse excitado (…) después de superar su recato natural”. Esto... ¿Os suena? Resistencia para demostrar que una mujer sí ha sido agredida. Y sí, estamos cerca del 2020.
▫️
El feminismo de la segunda ola en EEUU se centró en el activismo antiviolación y trataron de desmitificar frases que eran verdades incuestionables. “La mujer dice no cuando quiere decir sí”. “Las víctimas son mujeres fáciles que provocan de forma intencionada a los hombres”. “La víctima es responsable de que la v.olen, ya que se lo ha buscado al llevar una minifalda”. “La v.olación ocurre en el exterior y no en casa; víctima y agresor no se conocen”. “Ninguna mujer puede ser penetrada contra su voluntad si se defiende con toda su alma” (Aquí quiero hacer un pequeño inciso para recordar las palabras de la jueza Carmen Molina, encargada de la violencia de género en Vitoria, que en el año 2016 le preguntó a una víctima: “¿Cerró bien las piernas, cerró toda la parte de los órganos femeninos?”). A día de hoy hablamos de estas afirmaciones como “mitos sobre la v.olación”. Mentiras que nos han contado para culpabilizar a las mujeres.
▫️
Os animo a leer este libro, os animo a querer saber y buscar la verdad. Y también me gustaría que nunca juzgásemos a una superviviente por su forma de actuar, o contar las cosas. No existe un patrón establecido. No existe “la verdadera víctima de v.olación”. Cada persona se enfrenta al trauma de una forma diferente. Una mujer que habla sobre su trauma de forma fría no es menos creíble que una mujer que lo cuenta llorando. No mitifiquemos a la víctima perfecta. Sufrir un abuso no significa quedarte en casa y no querer volver a salir, no significa renunciar al sexo, no significa nada.
▫️
Los libros del proyecto #books4survivors arrojan claridad y conciencia sobre todas las realidades que existen en torno a las mujeres supervivientes de una v.olación. Porque las que ya no están, no lo pueden contar.
▫️
A lo largo de estas semanas he ido subiendo a stories fragmentos de este ensayo. Este es un libro que merece no solo ser comprado y leído, merece ser memorizado. Mithu deconstruye los cimientos de la v.olación a lo largo de los siglos. Desde los “padres” que crearon el mito, Aristóteles, Freud, Rousseau y Ovidio, hasta la actualidad donde películas, libros, y medios de comunicación se creen con el derecho de marcar las pautas para decidir qué es una v.olación y que no. Ovidio dijo; “Aunque diga que la has poseído con violencia, no te importe; esa violencia gusta a las mujeres: quieren que se les arranque por la fuerza lo que desean conceder (...)”. Se perpetuó que la violencia hacía las mujeres era acogida con agrado, algo que arraigó en la legislación hasta la década de 1970. “En un caso de v.olación la mujer no solo tenía que probar que se había resistido físicamente a su agresor, sino que había mantenido dicha resistencia de manera constante. Después de todo, podría haberse excitado (…) después de superar su recato natural”. Esto... ¿Os suena? Resistencia para demostrar que una mujer sí ha sido agredida. Y sí, estamos cerca del 2020.
▫️
El feminismo de la segunda ola en EEUU se centró en el activismo antiviolación y trataron de desmitificar frases que eran verdades incuestionables. “La mujer dice no cuando quiere decir sí”. “Las víctimas son mujeres fáciles que provocan de forma intencionada a los hombres”. “La víctima es responsable de que la v.olen, ya que se lo ha buscado al llevar una minifalda”. “La v.olación ocurre en el exterior y no en casa; víctima y agresor no se conocen”. “Ninguna mujer puede ser penetrada contra su voluntad si se defiende con toda su alma” (Aquí quiero hacer un pequeño inciso para recordar las palabras de la jueza Carmen Molina, encargada de la violencia de género en Vitoria, que en el año 2016 le preguntó a una víctima: “¿Cerró bien las piernas, cerró toda la parte de los órganos femeninos?”). A día de hoy hablamos de estas afirmaciones como “mitos sobre la v.olación”. Mentiras que nos han contado para culpabilizar a las mujeres.
▫️
Os animo a leer este libro, os animo a querer saber y buscar la verdad. Y también me gustaría que nunca juzgásemos a una superviviente por su forma de actuar, o contar las cosas. No existe un patrón establecido. No existe “la verdadera víctima de v.olación”. Cada persona se enfrenta al trauma de una forma diferente. Una mujer que habla sobre su trauma de forma fría no es menos creíble que una mujer que lo cuenta llorando. No mitifiquemos a la víctima perfecta. Sufrir un abuso no significa quedarte en casa y no querer volver a salir, no significa renunciar al sexo, no significa nada.
▫️
Los libros del proyecto #books4survivors arrojan claridad y conciencia sobre todas las realidades que existen en torno a las mujeres supervivientes de una v.olación. Porque las que ya no están, no lo pueden contar.
August 18, 2019
If you're already here, I will assume that you are comfortable with this topic, and have used spoilers to help those who may have chanced on this book / review to avoid subject matter they may not wish to consider right now.
I found Mithu Sanyal's study Rape a very convincing, pragmatic, and deeply felt perspective on a complex subject that seems to grow as forbiddingly clear-cut as the regime of social media establish themselves as the record of feeling and opinion. Sanyal does some historical digging to clarify the roots of sexual violence in codes of morality and legal traditions, yet she seems more interested to think through the complexities of rape insofar as it has tended toward brutal simplicities. While Sanyal respectfully treats the societal-changing force of Susan Brownmiller's Against Our Will and second-wave feminism, she also pinpoints the strategic decisions that were made at that time to circumscribe rape activism within the realm of gender essentialism. This strategy would correspondingly lead to its limited appeal to black women and the queer community, as Sanyal demonstrates.
She is also very cautious about slogans that have begun to substitute themselves for thinking - such as the discussions of "rape culture", which Sanyal shows should be rethought through a discussion of institutions and spaces that facilitate sexual violence. Marriage and prisons, for example, expose the forces experienced by differently gendered bodies. In one of this book's most critical contributions, Sanyal also frankly discusses the limitations that are now placed on the roles of rapists and victims, both in terms of what those roles do to people and what are said about those roles. It is a credit to her that she moves carefully through these discussions.
While Sanyal exposes the acute limitations to thinking that are prevalent in discussions of rape, she is always cautious and clear in saying that she is not taking up contrarian positions, arguments from bad faith, or attempts to mitigate the seriousness of those discussions. Instead, Sanyal would rather free people from the limitations that straightjackets enforce, and which are dangerously popular when it comes to living through and being active against sexual violence.
Sanyal is German, and her initial study appears to have had a more circumscribed ambition in that language, but the book's English publication through Verso gave her a licence to consider the many recent developments of European refugee-blaming and the #metoo triumphs in North America particularly.
This is a valuable book, and one that will hopefully be widely read with the sensitivity and care it deserves.
I found Mithu Sanyal's study Rape a very convincing, pragmatic, and deeply felt perspective on a complex subject that seems to grow as forbiddingly clear-cut as the regime of social media establish themselves as the record of feeling and opinion. Sanyal does some historical digging to clarify the roots of sexual violence in codes of morality and legal traditions, yet she seems more interested to think through the complexities of rape insofar as it has tended toward brutal simplicities. While Sanyal respectfully treats the societal-changing force of Susan Brownmiller's Against Our Will and second-wave feminism, she also pinpoints the strategic decisions that were made at that time to circumscribe rape activism within the realm of gender essentialism. This strategy would correspondingly lead to its limited appeal to black women and the queer community, as Sanyal demonstrates.
She is also very cautious about slogans that have begun to substitute themselves for thinking - such as the discussions of "rape culture", which Sanyal shows should be rethought through a discussion of institutions and spaces that facilitate sexual violence. Marriage and prisons, for example, expose the forces experienced by differently gendered bodies. In one of this book's most critical contributions, Sanyal also frankly discusses the limitations that are now placed on the roles of rapists and victims, both in terms of what those roles do to people and what are said about those roles. It is a credit to her that she moves carefully through these discussions.
While Sanyal exposes the acute limitations to thinking that are prevalent in discussions of rape, she is always cautious and clear in saying that she is not taking up contrarian positions, arguments from bad faith, or attempts to mitigate the seriousness of those discussions. Instead, Sanyal would rather free people from the limitations that straightjackets enforce, and which are dangerously popular when it comes to living through and being active against sexual violence.
Sanyal is German, and her initial study appears to have had a more circumscribed ambition in that language, but the book's English publication through Verso gave her a licence to consider the many recent developments of European refugee-blaming and the #metoo triumphs in North America particularly.
This is a valuable book, and one that will hopefully be widely read with the sensitivity and care it deserves.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 3, 2021
This is probably the closest thing we'll get to a mainstream anarchist book on rape, for what that's worth. (Yes, that means it's good! lol.) There is lots of explanation about not only why a lot of current dogma about rape is not helpful, either to the survivor or (of course) the rapist, but also why any policy will never be adequate, since rape is so personal, and since healing is also.
Sanyal also talks about how the dogma is generally a response to a previous (or on-going) problem, but that doesn't (can't) work for all the infinity of ways that people interact. The strong implication is that any blanket response will be inadequate, but the genealogy of how we got here (not just in terms of rape, but around many hot button topics where there is frequently more heat than light) is a non-judgemental and generous way to consider our current situation.
The story of Stranger and Elva, as farcical and tragic as it is, is worth the price of admission. The fact that people can do such amazing things, and then how that can be turned into shit, is depressing and uplifting in almost equal measure.
Sanyal also talks about how the dogma is generally a response to a previous (or on-going) problem, but that doesn't (can't) work for all the infinity of ways that people interact. The strong implication is that any blanket response will be inadequate, but the genealogy of how we got here (not just in terms of rape, but around many hot button topics where there is frequently more heat than light) is a non-judgemental and generous way to consider our current situation.
The story of Stranger and Elva, as farcical and tragic as it is, is worth the price of admission. The fact that people can do such amazing things, and then how that can be turned into shit, is depressing and uplifting in almost equal measure.
October 24, 2021
It's hard to overstate the importance of this book in dispelling gendered assumptions of the "victim" or "survivor" verses the "perpetrator" or "rapist" by tracing the appalling history of the myths that have created the modern discourse surrounding sex crimes.
I'm not as optimistic as Sanyal about the #MeToo movement, but I do agree it's created space for people to speak about their experiences, and taking away the shame and stigma of these experiences is critical.
Recommended for everyone.
I'm not as optimistic as Sanyal about the #MeToo movement, but I do agree it's created space for people to speak about their experiences, and taking away the shame and stigma of these experiences is critical.
Recommended for everyone.
February 19, 2024
peut-être révolutionnaire pour l'époque pré-metoo en Allemagne, mais franchement pas ouf
à part une chouette critique des positions racistes de Brownmiller et une discussion sympa sur Foucault, MacKinnon, Marcus et cie., le reste c'est juste des cas judiciaires de pleins de pays différents qui viennent appuyer des trucs qu'on sait déjà depuis les 70's
2.5/5
à part une chouette critique des positions racistes de Brownmiller et une discussion sympa sur Foucault, MacKinnon, Marcus et cie., le reste c'est juste des cas judiciaires de pleins de pays différents qui viennent appuyer des trucs qu'on sait déjà depuis les 70's
2.5/5
October 8, 2019
This book was necessary as it answered a couple of questions I had over the last 3 years and I feel it has healed a part of me. A full on review of this book would be too personal but I would be more than happy to discuss this book with anyone interested in reading it or sharing their thoughts.
February 15, 2021
Fascinating, even if I disagreed with some of her points.
September 13, 2021
Vergewaltigung von Mithu M. Sanyal, erschienen bei der Edition Nautilus ist ein kluges, sensibles, informatives und reflektiertes Sachbuch, das auch für Menschen, die sich bereits stärker mit der Thematik auseinandergesetzt haben, noch einmal ganz neue Denkanstöße und Blickwinkel ermöglicht.
So werden beispielsweise aus den Medien bekannte Ereignisse aufgegriffen und aus meiner Sicht so objektiv wie irgend möglich trotz des an sich sehr emotionalen Themas, auch im juristischen Sinne aber auch mithilfe unterschiedlicher Stimmen, analysiert. Die zahlreichen Quellennachweise sprechen für eine sehr gründliche und aufwändige Recherche, die eigentlich viel mehr wert als die 18 Euro sind, die das Buch kostet.
Ich habe viel gelernt, bin an manchen Stellen auch echt an meine Grenzen gestoßen, vor allem kann ich absolut nicht nachvollziehen, dass man die Autorin anfeindet. Meines Erachtens nach so so wichtige Aufklärungsarbeit, aktueller denn je, die Autorin und Verlag hier leisten. Vielen, vielen Dank dafür!
Ein Werk, in das ich sicher immer und immer wieder hineinschauen werde, weil es einfach so hilfreich und komplex ist.
So werden beispielsweise aus den Medien bekannte Ereignisse aufgegriffen und aus meiner Sicht so objektiv wie irgend möglich trotz des an sich sehr emotionalen Themas, auch im juristischen Sinne aber auch mithilfe unterschiedlicher Stimmen, analysiert. Die zahlreichen Quellennachweise sprechen für eine sehr gründliche und aufwändige Recherche, die eigentlich viel mehr wert als die 18 Euro sind, die das Buch kostet.
Ich habe viel gelernt, bin an manchen Stellen auch echt an meine Grenzen gestoßen, vor allem kann ich absolut nicht nachvollziehen, dass man die Autorin anfeindet. Meines Erachtens nach so so wichtige Aufklärungsarbeit, aktueller denn je, die Autorin und Verlag hier leisten. Vielen, vielen Dank dafür!
Ein Werk, in das ich sicher immer und immer wieder hineinschauen werde, weil es einfach so hilfreich und komplex ist.
August 8, 2020
Whilst I didn’t agree with every aspect of this book, it was a really good read. Discourses around rape and sexual abuse generally are so entrenched and emotional that it’s hard to break through with any questioning voice. This is of course v understandable, it comes from, as Sanyal sets out, a reaction to centuries of oppressive and patriarchal messaging around this violence. But imagining how things might be better will take more than perhaps our current way of discussing rape allows us, and this book is insightful in drawing out a road map of where we might go from here in achieving that vision.
Basically, this was a solid text but now I just want to read more explicitly abolitionist work around sexual violence.
Basically, this was a solid text but now I just want to read more explicitly abolitionist work around sexual violence.
May 2, 2025
mithu sanyal nimmt sich mit 'vergewaltigung' einem thema an, das alle menschen angeht. wirklich alle.
sie beleuchtet schwerste themen wie historische diskurse um vergewaltigung, gesellschaftlichen umgang mit vergewaltigungsopfern wie tätern, dem "geschlecht" der vergewaltigung, rape culture, strafverfolgung und neuformulierungen von konsens, mit einer leichtigkeit, die macht, dass man das buch nie weglegen würde, wenn man nicht über so vieles nachdenken müsste.
ich würde deshalb 10 sterne geben, wenn ich könnte. meine empfehlung wäre, sich nicht vom titel einschüchtern zu lassen, sondern sich diesem buch anzunehmen, es zu leihen, zu lesen, zu diskutieren. linke politik sollte sich der vergewaltigung aus einer neuen perspektive annehmen und sanyal bietet einen guten startpunkt für weitere gedanken. vergewaltigung ist nicht das ende der welt, sondern teil unserer welt.
(ich hoffe sehr auf eine post-pelicot-neuauflage)
sie beleuchtet schwerste themen wie historische diskurse um vergewaltigung, gesellschaftlichen umgang mit vergewaltigungsopfern wie tätern, dem "geschlecht" der vergewaltigung, rape culture, strafverfolgung und neuformulierungen von konsens, mit einer leichtigkeit, die macht, dass man das buch nie weglegen würde, wenn man nicht über so vieles nachdenken müsste.
ich würde deshalb 10 sterne geben, wenn ich könnte. meine empfehlung wäre, sich nicht vom titel einschüchtern zu lassen, sondern sich diesem buch anzunehmen, es zu leihen, zu lesen, zu diskutieren. linke politik sollte sich der vergewaltigung aus einer neuen perspektive annehmen und sanyal bietet einen guten startpunkt für weitere gedanken. vergewaltigung ist nicht das ende der welt, sondern teil unserer welt.
(ich hoffe sehr auf eine post-pelicot-neuauflage)
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November 25, 2023
Ich muss - wie bei eigentlich jedem Sachbuch - nicht mit allen Thesen der Autorin mitgehen und kann trotzdem betonen, wie bereichernd, aufrüttelnd und horizonterweiternd die Lektüre für mich war.
Grundsätzlich hätte ich mir das Buch etwas niedrigschwelliger gewünscht, was die Satzlänge und die, für Akademiker*innen typischen, umständlichen Formulierungen anbelangt. Dieses Thema ist einfach zu wichtig, um es nur denen zugänglich zu machen, die sich dem Buch mit voll aufgeladenen Konzentrations-Akkus widmen können.
Grundsätzlich hätte ich mir das Buch etwas niedrigschwelliger gewünscht, was die Satzlänge und die, für Akademiker*innen typischen, umständlichen Formulierungen anbelangt. Dieses Thema ist einfach zu wichtig, um es nur denen zugänglich zu machen, die sich dem Buch mit voll aufgeladenen Konzentrations-Akkus widmen können.
May 5, 2025
Difficult material, definitely expanded my way of thinking, though some ideas were difficult to concede
March 15, 2020
Invita a reflexionar, a conocer, a entender y a informar(se).
November 20, 2024
ich wünschte ich hätte dieses buch an dem Tag gehabt, ich wünschte ich hätte es am Tag danach gehabt, ich wünschte ich hätte es in der Schule als Pflichtlektüre gehabt. Ich wünschte alle hätten es als Pflichtlektüre gehabt
December 20, 2021
I first bought this book a few years ago. While interesting, there are things said by Sanyal that majorly rubbed me up the wrong way. I decided to revisit the book today and I dislike it possibly even more than I did when I first read it. Germany as a country seems to have a relationship to sexual politics that is repellant to me from a British perspective. I'm sure that culture isn't the only factor playing a role in my dislike of the book, but I have observed elsewhere that Germany is sexually libertarian and patriarchal in a quite distinct way.
Sanyal's book is useful if you are looking for statistics and interesting quotations on the topic of rape, contemporary and historical (turns out that the term 'rapist' was first used in the late 1800s!). A lot of research went into this book and the extensive footnotes are appreciated. I also appreciate the work Sanyal does here on the social construction of victimhood, and how the impacts of rape on the psyche vary depending on the individual.
However, some of the opinions expressed by Sanyal in this book are... Troublesome. Sanyal seems inordinately worried about rapists being given too much of a hard time by society.
It is true that Sanyal is aware that she treads in treacherous waters in this book. But the fact that the book was originally written in German, rather than English means that more care should have been taken to ensure sensitivity. Expressing a controversial opinion is one thing. Phrasing it carelessly is another. This book needs more editing.
If you're a feminist looking for a genuinely provocative take on the politics of sexual violence, read this.
Sanyal's book is useful if you are looking for statistics and interesting quotations on the topic of rape, contemporary and historical (turns out that the term 'rapist' was first used in the late 1800s!). A lot of research went into this book and the extensive footnotes are appreciated. I also appreciate the work Sanyal does here on the social construction of victimhood, and how the impacts of rape on the psyche vary depending on the individual.
However, some of the opinions expressed by Sanyal in this book are... Troublesome. Sanyal seems inordinately worried about rapists being given too much of a hard time by society.
It is true that Sanyal is aware that she treads in treacherous waters in this book. But the fact that the book was originally written in German, rather than English means that more care should have been taken to ensure sensitivity. Expressing a controversial opinion is one thing. Phrasing it carelessly is another. This book needs more editing.
If you're a feminist looking for a genuinely provocative take on the politics of sexual violence, read this.
January 27, 2022
Es gibt viele Arten von Gewaltverbrechen. Vergewaltigung ist eines davon. Und genau bei diesem Verbrechen scheint es der Gesellschaft schwer zu fallen, Individualität (für Täter und Opfer) gelten zu lassen. Wurde man Opfer einer Vergewaltigung, schreibt die Gesellschaft einem vor, wie man sich zu fühlen hat, wie lange man zu leiden hat und dass man sich dafür schämen muss, wenn man nicht ausreichend leidet. Wurde man zum Täter, ist das Leben daovn dauerhaft gekennzeichnet, der "Vergewaltiger" haftet einem an, als wäre es eine Berufsbezeichnung oder ein akademischer Grad.
Sanyal schafft es, dieses brisante, oft tabuisierte, ebensooft marginalisierte und überdies auch noch dazu mit vielen Vorurteilen behaftete Thema mit historischen Grundlagen, aktuellen Betrachtungen und bestechender Logik aufzubereiten. Sie eröffnet(e mir) dadurch Perspektiven, von denen ich nicht einmal annahm, dass es sie geben könnte. Dieses Buch ist ein eye-opener.
Sanyal schafft es, dieses brisante, oft tabuisierte, ebensooft marginalisierte und überdies auch noch dazu mit vielen Vorurteilen behaftete Thema mit historischen Grundlagen, aktuellen Betrachtungen und bestechender Logik aufzubereiten. Sie eröffnet(e mir) dadurch Perspektiven, von denen ich nicht einmal annahm, dass es sie geben könnte. Dieses Buch ist ein eye-opener.
February 14, 2020
Decir que la amenaza de la violación ha limitado mi vida es superfluo, porque limita la de todas las mujeres. Más aún, es una excusa siempre a mano para reprimir el movimiento y libertad femeninos, así como para reforzar la idea de hombres violentos que obtienen sexo y mujeres pasivas que consienten.
De todas las ideas brillantes de este libro reconciliatorio entre hombres y mujeres, me quedo con la descripción de cómo la violación sigue siendo mediatizada como un crimen de honor: lo que se juzga es la honra de la víctima y lo que se vende es que no podrás ni deberás recuperarte jamás.
También me quedo con la llamada a una visión más comprensiva con todas las partes, más justa y menos justiciera del fenómeno.
Leer este libro viajando sola por zonas con horrenda reputación en cuanto a violencia sexual para encontrar que en realidad me siento segura ha sido especialmente significativo.
De todas las ideas brillantes de este libro reconciliatorio entre hombres y mujeres, me quedo con la descripción de cómo la violación sigue siendo mediatizada como un crimen de honor: lo que se juzga es la honra de la víctima y lo que se vende es que no podrás ni deberás recuperarte jamás.
También me quedo con la llamada a una visión más comprensiva con todas las partes, más justa y menos justiciera del fenómeno.
Leer este libro viajando sola por zonas con horrenda reputación en cuanto a violencia sexual para encontrar que en realidad me siento segura ha sido especialmente significativo.
August 17, 2019
This one was a hard one to rate. It started off really strong, and had some great points in there. I especially appreciated that it explored other countries apart from the US—it was interesting to see what was happening elsewhere in the world. However, there were parts that were repeated unnecessarily and other parts that just dragged or didn't really make any sense. It could have also done with another read-through as there were quite a few spelling mistakes.
October 26, 2022
Ultimately, I have quite mixed feelings about this book. It wasn't awful but some of it really wasn't great either.
I thought the first half of the book started out really strong, some of the discussion on the role of not just rape but the fear of rape in women's lives was very captivating and compelling, and it was a quote relating to this topic that pulled me towards reading the book in the first place. The historical analysis on consent "no means yes", the role of honour, value, and possession of a woman('s body) was also very, very interesting.
The discussion on victimhood was also one I found quite important and necessary, as I've pondered upon similar discussion and questions asked by Sanyal; the pinpointing of one event as defining everything there is to a victim, and how this informs our view of victimhood, how there is a certain "cultural script" that survivors of sexual assault are socially expected to follow, and if they don't, there is doubt and question to whether or not the event had even taken place. We demand absolute, almost lifelong, brokenness of SA survivors in a way we do with little else.
"We have yet to see criticisms of James Bond on behalf of traumatised veterans. It would seem absurd to do so. Why? Because we do not treat any other experience that might result in PTSD the same way we treat rape. Rape is a special case, always. While we can only understand the things that happen to us in our lives - even life itself - as a process, rape is supposed to be the only essentialist story, the last elemental truth"
I thought this discussion was very powerful, and it challenged and made me question a lot of preconceived notions and beliefs I've had, whilst also affirming other thoughts and beliefs I've had for a while without having really been able to put it all into words.
"A participant in one of my workshops confessed: "for a long time I didn't think I had really been raped because I didn't show the appropriate symptoms." Another added, "Oh, I do think I am traumatised, but I am not just traumatised by the rape - and I'm not allowed to talk about anything else..."
The discussion of race and racism was also very interesting. The topic of rape within military occupying forces, such as the case with female soldiers in Abu Gharib against Iraqi men, and the discussion the weaponisation of rape accusations against black men in the U.S. and against African and Arab refugees in Europe as a political weapon to uphold and protect "the frail innocent white woman" was very interesting and I think it is necessary and important to contextualise rape within the imperialist - white supremacist system it exists in. The neglect to discuss the imperialist-white supremacist machine behind sexual violence is extremely indicative of the state of white feminism.
Where Sanyal completely loses me is in the last two chapters of the book. One being on men and masculinity and the other on reconciliation. I think one of the biggest weakness in this book for me is that Sanyal never locates her discussion within any structural or systemic political framework. She questions why do we assume that men rape and women are raped? Why do gender rape? Why do we let gender stereotypes of male aggression and female frailty dominate how we view and discuss rape? I don't think I am ever satisfied with the conclusions and answers that Sanyal comes to. I don't feel like I have an answer that has shifted the "why's" of these questions. There is a reason why these frameworks exists, and it is not because we simply haven't moved on from antiquated gender stereotypes. To bring it all down to that conclusion seems like a huge cop-out to me. We exist under a capitalist-patriarchal system which seeks to keep women, particularly poor,/third world,/women of colour, under the boot of capitalism, under the boot of patriarchy. It is the individual male - as a direct benefactor of systemic+structural violence against women - typically within the household, but also within the workplace, that benefits from and typically chooses to uphold that role. Sexual violence is one of many apparatus that keeps women within this framework of power and control. It is the result of such frameworks, and continues to sustain it.
To me, Sanyal seems to take a 'vibes n all' approach, talk of individual feelings and thoughts and behaviours rather than systems and structures, and although Sanyal directly criticises liberalism, it felt to me a very liberal approach at times. An example of this:
"A 2015 study found that even the five year difference in life expectancy between men and women had nothing to do with biology and everything to do with "toxic masculinity". "Men have a cultural script that tells them they should be brave, self-reliant, and though. Women don't have that script, so there isn't any cultural message telling them that, to be real women, they should not make too much of their illnesses and symptoms" -
- Well yes, instead we have doctors constantly minimising and dismissing women's pain as "psychological", or that they are trying to seek attention, or that they are overdramatic and overreacting, that they don't understand their own bodies and what is happening to them/what they are experiencing. Women are constantly dismissed and gaslight by doctors, I have experienced this myself multiple times. Diseases, medication, tests, and so on, were almost all typically researched on male bodies instead of female ones, leading to doctors severe lack of knowledge and understanding of the female body and how it reacts to disease, pain, and medication in comparison to male bodies. It is to the point that doctors who completely specialise in ob/gyn, even then, seem to know very, very little about women's bodies and the common diseases that can take over them (e.g. in the case of endometriosis). The best case scenario, you leave the doctor's appointment feeling a bit upset and angry (been there!), the worst case scenario is you end up dead because your pain wasn't taken seriously enough. This is nothing but structural violence against women, we do not get ANYTHING out of "not making too much of our symptoms" like men.
So... yes, maybe women don't have a cultural script that tells us we must toughen up when it comes to illnesses, but instead we get gaslighting and neglectful treatment at the hands of doctors who think we must just toughen up, because us crazy women are just.. so crazy and dramatic!
Another example:
"In the discourse of sexual violence, it is important to not disregard how men are disenfranchised from their emotions and feelings, because people who are in contact with their feelings - and that includes "unmanly" feelings of sensitivity and neediness and fear - are better able to notice feelings in others and consequently respect their boundaries"
Honestly, some of the stuff that Sanyal says in this chapter genuinely had me raging, like me wanting to pull out my hair and shit. Here, the discussion of sexual violence is reduced to a matter of * feelings *........... feelings........... I'm sorry - what?
As if the issue of sexual violence hinges upon men being "disenfranchised from their emotions and feelings". Like all we need to do, to get men to stop raping women, is to just let them feel their feelings. Again, this is what I mean by the 'vibes n all' approach. All vibes, feelings, no systemic or structural analysis of HOW and WHY these things happen in the first place; what creates them, what and who sustains and upholds them.
Another one, and this one really enraged me:
"Just as hetero women are often forced to choose between the images of the virgin and the whore, modern straight men are caught in the cultural tug of war between the Marlboro Man and the Wimp" - original quote by Jason Schultz
It's analysis's like this that make me scream with just how out of touch those living in the Western world can be. Whilst straight men are "caught in the cultural tug of war" between being all macho and being a whip, this will very, very unlikely result in any real harm endured within their lives. Meanwhile, woman as VIRGIN, woman as untouched, woman as a being untouched, is something that can determine life or death for her in many parts of the world. Having just finished "Sex and Lies" by Leila Slimani, there are countless stories of the importance of virginity in a Muslim/Arab woman's life, from the mundane to the decision of marriage, your behaviour and actions hinge upon you being the good, virginal, respectable, daughter/wife. Those who choose to be "whores", aka, not perfect virginal to be wed wives and daughters, are ostracised, treated as social outcasts, and deal with even further sexism and even abuse as a result. Where is the material, structural harm being done to men because they are expected to be macho or they are wimps, and how is it on any level comparable to the virgin/whore complex women must struggle against. Whilst this is only one short quote, it speaks volumes to the lack of clarity and direction sometimes found in this work as a result of lack of systemic + structural analysis.
Honestly, going through some of my highlights and bookmarks now and there is so much more I can add to this but I am going to stop there.
And lastly, the final chapter. I thought the story on Elva and Stranger, and their reconciliation, was very interesting. Whilst an extremely unusual dynamic and series of events to follow, I appreciate the fact that Elva found healing through reaching out to Stranger. I appreciate and understand the difficult yet necessary question of "what to do with rapists", besides like... ostracising them from society (which to be honest, I have no problem with!). But I get how this is not a sufficient answer for some... However, the story of Elva and Stranger barely leaves anything left to be inspired. Whilst it is an interesting story, no doubt, I think extremely few people will find an even somewhat similar response and series of events to follow had they got in touch with someone who had raped them. I don't know... again, we are left with 'vibes n all' analysis, I don't really understand the conclusion one is meant to come to through Sanyal's analysis. Whilst she very clearly states that she does not openly recommend people to get in touch with someone who has SA'd them, she speaks of reconciliation and the healing of abusers as something we must work on together.
She says:
"Fortunately for me, evil isn't relevant for this book. What I mean when we say "evil" is usually psychopathic rapists who have no feeling for their victims whatsoever. Luckily, these kinds of perpetrators are rare" - is it? are they? According to who? According to what research and evidence is this type of rape "rare"? Sanyal offers no citation to back this claim up (again, vibes n all!)
Another quote:
"Some people severely lack empathy and humiliate other beings using sexual acts; some people misunderstand sexual communication and some preform their sexual gender roles to the detriment of other people and themselves. Rape takes place in the vast field between these poles - and sometimes beyond them"
Now, I don't disagree with this quote. But I also seriously question the phrasing of people "misunderstand sexual communication"... a "misunderstanding" usually does not lead to trauma. A misunderstanding is quick and short, something I probably will not be thinking of much afterwards. A "misunderstanding" does not consist of severe dehumanisation of one person by another. Whilst a part of me, due to my own experiences, appreciates the idea of "rape as a spectrum", I think use of words such as "misunderstand" is... pretty shocking to say the least.
All in all, the first half of this book mostly came out pretty strong. The last two chapters... are questionable. The thing is, I know Sanyal likely knows this. To me, she purposely plays the role of a somewhat devil's advocate, taking a popular narrative on its head and spinning it to argue the other side of it all. There is this very liberal feeling of "we should listen to both sides" "both sides are important" "both sides must be heard and must be healed" that is led with this air of stoicism and detachment. But to me, it just reeks of laziness sometimes. It abandons everything that surrounds the structure of sexual violence. Sexual violence does not exist in a bubble, it is not going to be done with if we stop gendering rape, or if men got in touch with their feelings, or if victims and rapists decided to make up after the crime (I know, a bit of an exaggeration of the point she's trying to make). My point being is that it abandons the systemic, the structural, flips individual notions on their head as if to make an intelligent remark that would simply solve the issue of sexual violence. Her short analysis of consent and the political subject via John Locke was very interesting, and could have extended to a very interesting extended discussion on sexual violence from a systemic framework, but Sanyal quickly just jumps to talking about something else entirely. She tries to make her point but I feel like it's not totally there. However, I will give her credit for this quote:
"[At the same time] we know full well that not all decisions are free. So it seems obvious that preventing abuses of power must involve reducing inequality. This means understanding that policies we might not ordinarily associate with sexual violence may have far-reaching consequences- for instance, granting people a living wage, access to education, health care, and safe living conditions increases their access to self-determination and allows them to make freer choices"
I wish I saw a bit more of that in this book.
So, interesting read. I don't regret reading it at all, I got a lot out of it especially in the first few chapters of the book, but it really fell short in certain aspects towards the end. Basically, when the book is good, it's good, and when it's bad, it's bad.
I thought the first half of the book started out really strong, some of the discussion on the role of not just rape but the fear of rape in women's lives was very captivating and compelling, and it was a quote relating to this topic that pulled me towards reading the book in the first place. The historical analysis on consent "no means yes", the role of honour, value, and possession of a woman('s body) was also very, very interesting.
The discussion on victimhood was also one I found quite important and necessary, as I've pondered upon similar discussion and questions asked by Sanyal; the pinpointing of one event as defining everything there is to a victim, and how this informs our view of victimhood, how there is a certain "cultural script" that survivors of sexual assault are socially expected to follow, and if they don't, there is doubt and question to whether or not the event had even taken place. We demand absolute, almost lifelong, brokenness of SA survivors in a way we do with little else.
"We have yet to see criticisms of James Bond on behalf of traumatised veterans. It would seem absurd to do so. Why? Because we do not treat any other experience that might result in PTSD the same way we treat rape. Rape is a special case, always. While we can only understand the things that happen to us in our lives - even life itself - as a process, rape is supposed to be the only essentialist story, the last elemental truth"
I thought this discussion was very powerful, and it challenged and made me question a lot of preconceived notions and beliefs I've had, whilst also affirming other thoughts and beliefs I've had for a while without having really been able to put it all into words.
"A participant in one of my workshops confessed: "for a long time I didn't think I had really been raped because I didn't show the appropriate symptoms." Another added, "Oh, I do think I am traumatised, but I am not just traumatised by the rape - and I'm not allowed to talk about anything else..."
The discussion of race and racism was also very interesting. The topic of rape within military occupying forces, such as the case with female soldiers in Abu Gharib against Iraqi men, and the discussion the weaponisation of rape accusations against black men in the U.S. and against African and Arab refugees in Europe as a political weapon to uphold and protect "the frail innocent white woman" was very interesting and I think it is necessary and important to contextualise rape within the imperialist - white supremacist system it exists in. The neglect to discuss the imperialist-white supremacist machine behind sexual violence is extremely indicative of the state of white feminism.
Where Sanyal completely loses me is in the last two chapters of the book. One being on men and masculinity and the other on reconciliation. I think one of the biggest weakness in this book for me is that Sanyal never locates her discussion within any structural or systemic political framework. She questions why do we assume that men rape and women are raped? Why do gender rape? Why do we let gender stereotypes of male aggression and female frailty dominate how we view and discuss rape? I don't think I am ever satisfied with the conclusions and answers that Sanyal comes to. I don't feel like I have an answer that has shifted the "why's" of these questions. There is a reason why these frameworks exists, and it is not because we simply haven't moved on from antiquated gender stereotypes. To bring it all down to that conclusion seems like a huge cop-out to me. We exist under a capitalist-patriarchal system which seeks to keep women, particularly poor,/third world,/women of colour, under the boot of capitalism, under the boot of patriarchy. It is the individual male - as a direct benefactor of systemic+structural violence against women - typically within the household, but also within the workplace, that benefits from and typically chooses to uphold that role. Sexual violence is one of many apparatus that keeps women within this framework of power and control. It is the result of such frameworks, and continues to sustain it.
To me, Sanyal seems to take a 'vibes n all' approach, talk of individual feelings and thoughts and behaviours rather than systems and structures, and although Sanyal directly criticises liberalism, it felt to me a very liberal approach at times. An example of this:
"A 2015 study found that even the five year difference in life expectancy between men and women had nothing to do with biology and everything to do with "toxic masculinity". "Men have a cultural script that tells them they should be brave, self-reliant, and though. Women don't have that script, so there isn't any cultural message telling them that, to be real women, they should not make too much of their illnesses and symptoms" -
- Well yes, instead we have doctors constantly minimising and dismissing women's pain as "psychological", or that they are trying to seek attention, or that they are overdramatic and overreacting, that they don't understand their own bodies and what is happening to them/what they are experiencing. Women are constantly dismissed and gaslight by doctors, I have experienced this myself multiple times. Diseases, medication, tests, and so on, were almost all typically researched on male bodies instead of female ones, leading to doctors severe lack of knowledge and understanding of the female body and how it reacts to disease, pain, and medication in comparison to male bodies. It is to the point that doctors who completely specialise in ob/gyn, even then, seem to know very, very little about women's bodies and the common diseases that can take over them (e.g. in the case of endometriosis). The best case scenario, you leave the doctor's appointment feeling a bit upset and angry (been there!), the worst case scenario is you end up dead because your pain wasn't taken seriously enough. This is nothing but structural violence against women, we do not get ANYTHING out of "not making too much of our symptoms" like men.
So... yes, maybe women don't have a cultural script that tells us we must toughen up when it comes to illnesses, but instead we get gaslighting and neglectful treatment at the hands of doctors who think we must just toughen up, because us crazy women are just.. so crazy and dramatic!
Another example:
"In the discourse of sexual violence, it is important to not disregard how men are disenfranchised from their emotions and feelings, because people who are in contact with their feelings - and that includes "unmanly" feelings of sensitivity and neediness and fear - are better able to notice feelings in others and consequently respect their boundaries"
Honestly, some of the stuff that Sanyal says in this chapter genuinely had me raging, like me wanting to pull out my hair and shit. Here, the discussion of sexual violence is reduced to a matter of * feelings *........... feelings........... I'm sorry - what?
As if the issue of sexual violence hinges upon men being "disenfranchised from their emotions and feelings". Like all we need to do, to get men to stop raping women, is to just let them feel their feelings. Again, this is what I mean by the 'vibes n all' approach. All vibes, feelings, no systemic or structural analysis of HOW and WHY these things happen in the first place; what creates them, what and who sustains and upholds them.
Another one, and this one really enraged me:
"Just as hetero women are often forced to choose between the images of the virgin and the whore, modern straight men are caught in the cultural tug of war between the Marlboro Man and the Wimp" - original quote by Jason Schultz
It's analysis's like this that make me scream with just how out of touch those living in the Western world can be. Whilst straight men are "caught in the cultural tug of war" between being all macho and being a whip, this will very, very unlikely result in any real harm endured within their lives. Meanwhile, woman as VIRGIN, woman as untouched, woman as a being untouched, is something that can determine life or death for her in many parts of the world. Having just finished "Sex and Lies" by Leila Slimani, there are countless stories of the importance of virginity in a Muslim/Arab woman's life, from the mundane to the decision of marriage, your behaviour and actions hinge upon you being the good, virginal, respectable, daughter/wife. Those who choose to be "whores", aka, not perfect virginal to be wed wives and daughters, are ostracised, treated as social outcasts, and deal with even further sexism and even abuse as a result. Where is the material, structural harm being done to men because they are expected to be macho or they are wimps, and how is it on any level comparable to the virgin/whore complex women must struggle against. Whilst this is only one short quote, it speaks volumes to the lack of clarity and direction sometimes found in this work as a result of lack of systemic + structural analysis.
Honestly, going through some of my highlights and bookmarks now and there is so much more I can add to this but I am going to stop there.
And lastly, the final chapter. I thought the story on Elva and Stranger, and their reconciliation, was very interesting. Whilst an extremely unusual dynamic and series of events to follow, I appreciate the fact that Elva found healing through reaching out to Stranger. I appreciate and understand the difficult yet necessary question of "what to do with rapists", besides like... ostracising them from society (which to be honest, I have no problem with!). But I get how this is not a sufficient answer for some... However, the story of Elva and Stranger barely leaves anything left to be inspired. Whilst it is an interesting story, no doubt, I think extremely few people will find an even somewhat similar response and series of events to follow had they got in touch with someone who had raped them. I don't know... again, we are left with 'vibes n all' analysis, I don't really understand the conclusion one is meant to come to through Sanyal's analysis. Whilst she very clearly states that she does not openly recommend people to get in touch with someone who has SA'd them, she speaks of reconciliation and the healing of abusers as something we must work on together.
She says:
"Fortunately for me, evil isn't relevant for this book. What I mean when we say "evil" is usually psychopathic rapists who have no feeling for their victims whatsoever. Luckily, these kinds of perpetrators are rare" - is it? are they? According to who? According to what research and evidence is this type of rape "rare"? Sanyal offers no citation to back this claim up (again, vibes n all!)
Another quote:
"Some people severely lack empathy and humiliate other beings using sexual acts; some people misunderstand sexual communication and some preform their sexual gender roles to the detriment of other people and themselves. Rape takes place in the vast field between these poles - and sometimes beyond them"
Now, I don't disagree with this quote. But I also seriously question the phrasing of people "misunderstand sexual communication"... a "misunderstanding" usually does not lead to trauma. A misunderstanding is quick and short, something I probably will not be thinking of much afterwards. A "misunderstanding" does not consist of severe dehumanisation of one person by another. Whilst a part of me, due to my own experiences, appreciates the idea of "rape as a spectrum", I think use of words such as "misunderstand" is... pretty shocking to say the least.
All in all, the first half of this book mostly came out pretty strong. The last two chapters... are questionable. The thing is, I know Sanyal likely knows this. To me, she purposely plays the role of a somewhat devil's advocate, taking a popular narrative on its head and spinning it to argue the other side of it all. There is this very liberal feeling of "we should listen to both sides" "both sides are important" "both sides must be heard and must be healed" that is led with this air of stoicism and detachment. But to me, it just reeks of laziness sometimes. It abandons everything that surrounds the structure of sexual violence. Sexual violence does not exist in a bubble, it is not going to be done with if we stop gendering rape, or if men got in touch with their feelings, or if victims and rapists decided to make up after the crime (I know, a bit of an exaggeration of the point she's trying to make). My point being is that it abandons the systemic, the structural, flips individual notions on their head as if to make an intelligent remark that would simply solve the issue of sexual violence. Her short analysis of consent and the political subject via John Locke was very interesting, and could have extended to a very interesting extended discussion on sexual violence from a systemic framework, but Sanyal quickly just jumps to talking about something else entirely. She tries to make her point but I feel like it's not totally there. However, I will give her credit for this quote:
"[At the same time] we know full well that not all decisions are free. So it seems obvious that preventing abuses of power must involve reducing inequality. This means understanding that policies we might not ordinarily associate with sexual violence may have far-reaching consequences- for instance, granting people a living wage, access to education, health care, and safe living conditions increases their access to self-determination and allows them to make freer choices"
I wish I saw a bit more of that in this book.
So, interesting read. I don't regret reading it at all, I got a lot out of it especially in the first few chapters of the book, but it really fell short in certain aspects towards the end. Basically, when the book is good, it's good, and when it's bad, it's bad.
July 23, 2023
I bought this book impulsively while perusing the Verso Books site, and it was one of the best decisions I've made. Sanyal touches on every side of the discussions about rape and what we call "rape culture", discussing things I had already believed myself that were criticized for not being "feminist enough" and points that I could have never put into words like she did. The example of Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger put this into perspective for me (page 147 onward).
Mithu Sanyal writes so many spectacular quotable words, and includes many incredible quotes from other authors on this book that really resonated with me.
For example, this one from Kai Cheng Tom:
"When we are able to admit that the capacity to harm lies within ourselves-within us all-we become capable of radically trans- forming the conversation around abuse and rape culture. We can go from simply reacting to abuse and punishing 'abusers' to preventing abuse and healing our communities."
Sanyal discusses the history of rape to the present citing several notable examples in history and what kind of legacy they have held, and presents many criticisms of the ways in which rape has been framed and presented in various forms of media. One example that hit me hard was a 19th century belief that it was "better to rape than masturbate" (p. 13). Also, On page 66, Sanyal talks about the reasons why framing rape as a "theft" of something is problematic, and it is one of my favourite parts of the book.
Near the end, Sanyal presents her own version of the Bechdel test, but for rape in media. It is as follows:
"1. Does the film have one—or more than one—rape scene? 2. If so, is the scene simply a code for the raped character's emotional backstory and not essential to the plot?" 3. Is there a more original way to drive the plot? If the answer to these three questions is yes, the scene should be cut from the script and the writers should think more creatively."
I'll also add that this is a newer edition of the book—this newer version includes the reactions to the book upon publication and developments in rape discussion since. It was such an important read, and I really want radical feminists especially who only view rape as "something that men do and women experience" to read this and reflect on their narrow views.
I recommend reading this if you can stomach debates on the topic and examples in the media.
Mithu Sanyal writes so many spectacular quotable words, and includes many incredible quotes from other authors on this book that really resonated with me.
For example, this one from Kai Cheng Tom:
"When we are able to admit that the capacity to harm lies within ourselves-within us all-we become capable of radically trans- forming the conversation around abuse and rape culture. We can go from simply reacting to abuse and punishing 'abusers' to preventing abuse and healing our communities."
Sanyal discusses the history of rape to the present citing several notable examples in history and what kind of legacy they have held, and presents many criticisms of the ways in which rape has been framed and presented in various forms of media. One example that hit me hard was a 19th century belief that it was "better to rape than masturbate" (p. 13). Also, On page 66, Sanyal talks about the reasons why framing rape as a "theft" of something is problematic, and it is one of my favourite parts of the book.
Near the end, Sanyal presents her own version of the Bechdel test, but for rape in media. It is as follows:
"1. Does the film have one—or more than one—rape scene? 2. If so, is the scene simply a code for the raped character's emotional backstory and not essential to the plot?" 3. Is there a more original way to drive the plot? If the answer to these three questions is yes, the scene should be cut from the script and the writers should think more creatively."
I'll also add that this is a newer edition of the book—this newer version includes the reactions to the book upon publication and developments in rape discussion since. It was such an important read, and I really want radical feminists especially who only view rape as "something that men do and women experience" to read this and reflect on their narrow views.
I recommend reading this if you can stomach debates on the topic and examples in the media.
June 17, 2025
Interesting start, but then turns into a weird pandering-to-men and potential rapists argument. Picks and chooses different studies and facts and figures while ignoring more recent ones, and also ones that go against her argument completely. Yes patriarchy harms men and yes men can also be rape victims and that should be recognised. However in a world where violence against women and girls is the norm, and where it is used as an instrument of coercion and even as a weapon of war, I find it difficult to equate them. I also think its dangerous to point out that miscommunication happens during sex and insinuate that that can lead to rape, which to me seemed almost to perpetuate victim-blaming beliefs, among other things said in the book. Sanyal also blames the media for fearmongering when rape and sexual assault cases happen, and that is important, but this shouldn’t be used as an excuse to ignore all the different social complexities of rape, and the fact that male violence against women and girls is on the rise.
I found the most insightful thing to be the Sanyal test proposed, which would make screenwriters think if a rape scene really is necessary in a film. However, when a book claims to be about rape, and then spends most of its time talking about how being seen as a rapist is dangerous and harmful for men? Please, in a society that already doesnt take female victims seriously and male perpetrators often dont even get taken to court, and where rape is often something that happens inside the home (which is never mentioned btw), it really loses the point it is trying to make. Maybe this book should have been called ‘why we should be nicer to rapists’ instead.
I found the most insightful thing to be the Sanyal test proposed, which would make screenwriters think if a rape scene really is necessary in a film. However, when a book claims to be about rape, and then spends most of its time talking about how being seen as a rapist is dangerous and harmful for men? Please, in a society that already doesnt take female victims seriously and male perpetrators often dont even get taken to court, and where rape is often something that happens inside the home (which is never mentioned btw), it really loses the point it is trying to make. Maybe this book should have been called ‘why we should be nicer to rapists’ instead.
July 29, 2023
Wow, möglicherweise halte ich hier das beste Sachbuch, das ich jemals gelesen habe und lesen werde, in den Händen!
Ich habe eine ganze Weile benötigt, um mich durch dieses Buch zuarbeiten, denn auch wenn Mithu M. Sanyal sehr verständlich schreibt, ist ihr Werk voller Gedanken und Informationen, deren Verarbeitung Zeit benötigt. Dementsprechend eine absolute Leseempfehlung!
Ich habe eine ganze Weile benötigt, um mich durch dieses Buch zuarbeiten, denn auch wenn Mithu M. Sanyal sehr verständlich schreibt, ist ihr Werk voller Gedanken und Informationen, deren Verarbeitung Zeit benötigt. Dementsprechend eine absolute Leseempfehlung!
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