Mother of All Jobs, The

by Christine Armstrong

When Christine Armstrong became a mother, it never occurred to her that she would want to stop work or even work part-time. But the truth is, combining work and small kids is hard.   From the broken breast pumps on business trips, to hiding chicken pox from the nursery, to the heartbreak when you come home and realise your baby smells of the childminder. When Christine Armstrong tried it, she found herself desolate with misery.  Determined to make it work, she looked for answers by interviewing other working mums and found that she wasn't alone. These are the stories of the women who shared everything (and we mean everything) and what they want you to know.   The Mother of All Jobs ignores the glossy lives presented on social media and in magazines to show that, while it's not always pretty, working mothers can thrive if they have the knowledge others learnt the hard way. As practical as What to Expect When You're Expecting and as human as Bridget Jones's Diary , this audiobook is grounded in real stories that every working parent can relate to, cringe at and learn from.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Feminism

MP3 CD

Published December 11, 2018

Reviews

[Rikki · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a new mother about to return to full-time work, I really wanted to find depths of wisdom and support here. But no. The author seems to have aimed this book at the wrong audience. It is not about how to be a mother, have a career and stay sane. In fact, it’s a string of case studies, anecdotes and depressing research about how utterly dreadful and impossible it is to be a working mother.
The real audience of this book is actually employers, business and society at large. Sadly, they will not read it.
I really wanted to appreciate this book, but ultimately came away feeling even more daunted about returning to work. The advice seems to lean toward scaling back hours or employing a nanny, both of which are just not options for many women. That, plus the ridiculous number of editorial errors (proofreading, anyone?) mean I can only award two stars, at most.

[Lisa Welch · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very misleading title - had hoped it would give advice to working mothers on how to manage time etc, but instead it just gave me a load of mum guilt about being a working parent.

The book focuses on talk about reducing working hours, giving up work or hiring a nanny - which aren't always options for everyone. It also felt like there was a lot of emphasis on if you're a working parent, then you won't have great relationships with your children. It's a shame, I so wanted to enjoy this book.

[Hannah Wallwork · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whilst “flexible working” has become an almost banal term due to it being flaunted by every hiring employer, an honest probe into the daily struggles of the parents of this generation shows we have a long way to go.

The final offering from Armstrong has left me supercharged to change my approach to personally navigating this period:

“So, I urge you to go out and show how a different way of working can work yourself and use whatever influence you have to drive organisational and wider societal change. To take and encourage others to take career breaks and scale work up and down as suits you and your family. Push for flexible hours or part-time hours, job shares, four days, three days, freelance, whatever you believe is right. Be a role model, promote other role models, show it works. It’s the only way we’ll change the world to make it better for our children. And their parents.”

[Jo · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very thoroughly researched and laid-out book, though majority of the research is based on interviews. Could do with a good proof-read. Based entirely on the UK system (eg school system, political system, etc).

Very interesting and generally very well crafted chapters. Provides practicall and clear advice. Also helpful for addressing your own prejudices, biases and misconceptions.

Disappointingly my final takeaway is that you cannot have career success AND a balanced family life. All the women referenced in this book work ridiculously hard and long hours and usually overcome child-rearing issues by taking a step-back from their career or hiring help (eg a nanny).

[Julia Tutt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is aimed to a privileged section of western society, but it's not trying to be anything else, and fortunately this book is totally aimed at me, despite not having children. This was practical, split into sensible chapters, and full of advice. The case studies were fantastic, and I tabbed so many sections to refer back to later, and I'll be giving it to all of my female friends, as well as my fiancee.
On a side note, there were 3 spelling/grammatical errors that I noticed, which is a shame, but I still want to give this book 5 stars.

[Nita (ecobookworm) · Rating 5 out of 5]

TLDR: An insightful look at balancing work and family life that will be useful to people in a wide range of situations.
*****
It might seem weird for someone without children to be reading a book on balancing parenthood and work, but I think this book is useful for both people who intend to have children someday and those who already have them. From readers now thinking about whether to have kids, new parents, single parents, parents with demanding jobs, even parents of teenagers - there's something in here for practically anyone. I don't have children so I'm not familiar with the nitty-gritty details of balancing work and kids, so I found this book to be a treasure trove of details I'd never have thought to be mindful of. I'll be rereading it in years to come, when I do have kids, and throughout all the stages it applies to. For people dealing with these issues in their daily lives, there's a wealth of tips to help.

Though it’s based on thorough research, this is an easy read. The tone is conversational, revealing and straightforward, like getting candid advice from a friend. Only the friend has done interviews with a vast number of parents, teachers, social workers, therapists, and other people with a wide range of experience. Every chapter ends with a summary section of the main points for those with little time or energy, neatly titled to show what would be relevant. Anecdotes from interviewees used throughout illustrate the real-life applicability of the points discussed.

It’s worth noting that as the author is from the UK, information is based on work and school systems there. However, much of the information would be applicable anywhere in the world. Though mainly focused on mothers, it would be helpful for dads too. It also accounts for different income levels and other sociodemographic factors, but would probably be most applicable for middle-class readers.

I came away with a better understanding of the challenges of a system of work that doesn't account for family life, where women are often expected to be the lead parents. The concluding suggestions for how things could be done better are fascinating, especially as the current pandemic has highlighted the flaws in the system. I'd love to see this book updated every 5-10 years as systemic changes occur to take them into account, as it can be used as a sort of handbook for managing work and parenting. Hopefully, these sort of guidelines won't always be as necessary as they are today.

[Aislin · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book was structured nicely and easy to read (aside from quite a few typos). The first few chapters were the most interesting to me and gave examples of different paths families take. The second half of the book was less engaging and I found the repeated emphasis on needing to make friends with the mums at the school gate a bit tiresome (and stressful). As others have commented it was focused on the UK setting and assumes the reader is UK-based. Nevertheless, it focuses on an important topic and I liked that the author didn’t claim to have all the answers.

[Emma Buck · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unfinished. Which is not like me, normally I persevere even if I’m not enjoying it. But when the author recommends getting a c section and choosing to bottle feed for the sake of work I closed the book as I can’t possibly take anything else she says seriously.

I thought this book would be a bit light hearted and nice to share experiences with fellow working mums. It’s not timed quite right, written just before lockdown and the working world looks nothing like that for most of us these days so the ‘advice’ is outdated which is unfortunate for the author.

[Emma McQueen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the book and in some ways it helped me to feel less alone but it also felt a bit depressing in a way, that so many people struggle with the juggle (and I can’t say that I think there is any balance, just seasons).

The research was wonderful though and gave me great food for thought on how to help my clients more. I think it was a bit depressing because there are now easy answers and even if one family choose to do life one way, it doesn’t mean society will get on board with that!

[Heather Rodgers · Rating 3 out of 5]

Started well but I was increasingly disappointed as I read on. There are plenty of good points made here but a lot of it is simply unrelatable for the majority of the population for whom employing a full time nanny is not an option. I’m not sure it truly fulfils the promise on the jacket in terms of informing the reader ‘how to have children, a career and stay sane’, but it certainly makes you more anxious about playground politics!

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book's focus group are middle-class women and 'above'; CEOs, VPs, MDs, you get the jist. The book calls for social change, so I think the typical reader of parenting books; wanting to learn practical strategies for the families, may find this book not helpful or relevant. Regardless, it was still interesting and there is something to learn and reflect upon with the case studies in every chapter.

[Chloe · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unfortunately this book really missed the mark for me. It's a series of stories used to explore the themes, but really just rams home again and AGAIN that our society isn't set up to support families generally (and working women specifically). Depressing read for a newly returned to work mum. The tone of the author is resigned, and a lot of the subtext is if you work full time you won't have a good relationship with your children which I resent and refute.

[Josh Huntley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Challenging (in a good way).

This book was a real challenge to read, in a very positive way, it challenged my thoughts and perceptions and highlighted that not every white male addresses the issues raised in the book the same way that I do/strive to.

I found the writing style abrasive at times, and quite exclusionary to non-white, non-female, non-middle class audiences, but can very much see what it was trying to do.

[Chenice · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a working mum (22.5 hours a week) to a toddler I found this book very interesting. A few sections seemed anecdotal, but I appreciated the statistics, references to studies, and real-life case studies from parents in the thick of it. A very thought-provoking book which I will be recommending to friends and family.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really brilliant, inspiring and thoughtful. I am pretty sure I will give it to all of my girlfriends at some point and I’ve taken plenty of thoughts away with me so I can plan for my own kids.

Superb. 5* as I will certainly come back to it.

[Sofia Balderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good overview of what motherhood is for those who are not sure about having children. This book really made me realise how hard it is to have children. So it helped me realise I do not want to have children :)

[Kate Reeve · Rating 3 out of 5]

The reason I only gave three stars is because most of the book isn’t relevant to me. The first couple of chapters which were relevant were great.

[Charlotte · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted this book to be better than it was. The topic is important and under-discussed. The advice she gave was sensible. And yet it sometimes felt like a slog to read.

[Em Cahill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of the best working mother / juggling career material I have come across. I think she nailed it in many parts (other parts not so relevant for me but you can skip over those)

[Cara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Depressing but nails it. Apparently the juggle is worse when they are teens.

[Kim Olsson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very insightful and think all managers should read it as well as parents.

[Heather Willoughby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed listening to this. Made me think! Always nice to hear others struggles with kids and work

[Freda Chio · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought provoking

One of the best and most pragmatic parenting book I’ve read. I highly recommend this to every parent or parent-to-be.

[Uzoamaka · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very useful book to have for reference and loved how you can dip in and out of the book, reading relevant chapters as you like. In summary, parenting is really the mother of all jobs.

[Victoria Vivente · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest, relatable, and packed with hard-won wisdom from the trenches of combining career and family. This book is an essential lifeline and a powerful call for change.

[Clare Elliott · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is both confronting and valuable with much needed honesty around the journey of parenthood. Great to read with an open mind before becoming a parent, to prepare you for the busy life that parenting is, but take it with a grain of salt as it could put you off. It is a good reminder to appreciate your time pre-kids and accept the change that will come with being a parent. With a focus around juggling work with parenting it is honest, relaying the personal experience of many women and the challenges they face which is comforting. It acknowledges the pursuit for women to have the life they previously had, now with children, and the difficulties some experience in this pursuit. As a parent reading this, although the content is honest and relatable, to read it in the snippet of time you have available with young children, you don't always need a reminder of all the things you find challenging or frustrating about parenthood. However it includes vital information about the balance of relationships and roles in families, (and expectations), and extended relationships in friendships and how they change, as roles change, such as fathers being primary carers. I've found this hugely enlightening when considering changing roles in the family and work.

As other reviews have said, there are a couple of editing errors so a more thorough edit would be beneficial. It is written cleverly; the summaries at the end of each chapter are very useful for when you have limited reading time. I particularly enjoyed and appreciated reading the end of the book, thank you.

I appreciate this author's pursuit in interviewing many women and saying what is not always said about parenting. This is needed. On the flip side it wouldn't hurt to include more of the magical moments of love and laughter between parents and children, and the joys along the rollercoaster ride as parenting is the most important job a person can do. This book is a valuable resource for creating a balance between family life and work.

[Nanditha]

I wouldn't term this a revelational read but it was definitely a good read, especially for someone interested in feminism and how traditional workplaces ensure that working mothers cannot and will not "have it all". A lot of research has gone into this book which is evident from how thorough the topics covered are. I loved the fact that the book included interviews of a lot of dads and ended up proving that fathers also wish that traditional workplaces and the ways we work changed.