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Back When We Were Grownups
Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered that she had turned into the wrong person. So Anne Tyler opens this irresistible new novel. The woman is Rebecca Davitch, a fifty-three-year-old grandmother. Is she an impostor in her own life? she asks herself. Is it indeed her own life? Or is it someone else’s? On the surface, Beck, as she is known to the Davitch clan, is outgoing, joyous, a natural celebrator. Giving parties is, after all, her vocation—something she slipped into even before finishing college, when Joe Davitch spotted her at an engagement party in his family’s crumbling nineteenth-century Baltimore row house, where giving parties was the family business. What caught his fancy was that she seemed to be having such a wonderful time. Soon this large-spirited older man, a divorcé with three little girls, swept her into his orbit, and before she knew it she was embracing his extended family plus a child of their own, and hosting endless parties in the ornate, high-ceilinged rooms of The Open Arms. Now, some thirty years later, after presiding over a disastrous family picnic, Rebecca is caught un-awares by the question of who she really is. How she answers it—how she tries to recover her girlhood self, that dignified grownup she had once been—is the story told in this beguiling, funny, and deeply moving novel. As always with Anne Tyler’s novels, once we enter her world it is hard to leave. But in Back When We Were Grownups she so sharpens our perceptions and awakens so many untapped feelings that we come away not only refreshed and delighted, but also infinitely wiser.
288 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2001
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7740 people want to read
About the author
Anne Tyler
111 books9,124 followersAnne Tyler was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in 1941 and grew up in Raleigh, North Carolina. She graduated at nineteen from Duke University and went on to do graduate work in Russian studies at Columbia University. She has published 20 novels, her debut novel being
If Morning Ever Comes
in (1964). Her eleventh novel,
Breathing Lessons
, was awarded the Pulitzer Prize in 1988. She is a member of the American Academy of Arts and Letters.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,036 reviews
December 1, 2025
VITA CHE NON È LA MIA
Ecco la famiglia tutta riunita a festeggiare il vecchio prozio (Jack Palance). Al centro Blythe Danner è Rebecca.
Anne Tyler è legata alla casa editrice Guanda nei miei ricordi (non la leggo più da diverso tempo, per cui, sì, si tratta di ricordi): credo che tutti i suoi romanzi e racconti che ho letto siano editi proprio da Guanda.
Con la consueta semplicità di lingua, e delicatezza e profondità di osservazione, Anne Tyler racconta di una donna che superati i cinquant’anni, ormai vedova da tempo, si dedica a fare un bilancio della sua vita.
Cinquantatré sembra un’età giusta per un bilancio esistenziale, che forse consente ancora sterzate, cambiamenti, aggiustamenti.
E certo, se Rebecca a vent’anni era una brillante studentessa universitaria innamorato di un coetaneo, e poi all’improvviso sposa un uomo molto più grande di lei che ha già tre figlie, alla quali la coppia ne aggiunge un’altra – e se troppo presto l’uomo molto più grande, che ha sposato e che le ha portato in dote tre figlie, la lascia sola perché muore, e lei deve crescere le tre figlie di lui più la propria – beh, direi che non fa meraviglia che giunta a cinquantatré anni Rebecca sia in vena di bilanci e abbia qualche dubbio che le cose siano andate per il verso giusto, e non le sorga quell’altro dubbio, e cioè che forse potevano andare diversamente, e con diversamente s’intende meglio.
Nel cast del TV movie Hallmark del 2004 anche Peter Fonda.
Con l’abituale ironia venata di malinconia, Anne Tyler apparecchia la solita famiglia numerosa ed elastica e ciarliera cui mi ha abituato: le tre figlie del defunto marito sono tutte sposate con prole, e già così il nucleo d’origine s’è ben allargato. Poi c’è ovviamente la quarta figlia, quella di Rebecca e del defunto Joe, e c’è perfino un prozio centenario.
E tutto intorno, Baltimora, sempre lei, la stessa città per tutte le storie della Tyler.
Rebecca fa il suo bilancio, è tentata di credere che vincano le occasioni perdute e mancate, ma poi sa tirare fuori pragmatismo e concretezza, due qualità che l’hanno aiutata sin da quando è rimasta prematuramente vedova.
C’era una volta una donna che scoprì di essere diventata la persona sbagliata. Aveva cinquantatré anni, era nonna… Molte persone della sua età avrebbero detto che era troppo tardi per cambiare. Quel che è fatto è fatto, avrebbero detto. Inutile cercare di cambiare le cose, a questo punto.
Anche Rebecca ci pensava, solo che lei non lo diceva.
Il poster del TV movie diretto da Ron Underwood.
Ecco la famiglia tutta riunita a festeggiare il vecchio prozio (Jack Palance). Al centro Blythe Danner è Rebecca.
Anne Tyler è legata alla casa editrice Guanda nei miei ricordi (non la leggo più da diverso tempo, per cui, sì, si tratta di ricordi): credo che tutti i suoi romanzi e racconti che ho letto siano editi proprio da Guanda.
Con la consueta semplicità di lingua, e delicatezza e profondità di osservazione, Anne Tyler racconta di una donna che superati i cinquant’anni, ormai vedova da tempo, si dedica a fare un bilancio della sua vita.
Cinquantatré sembra un’età giusta per un bilancio esistenziale, che forse consente ancora sterzate, cambiamenti, aggiustamenti.
E certo, se Rebecca a vent’anni era una brillante studentessa universitaria innamorato di un coetaneo, e poi all’improvviso sposa un uomo molto più grande di lei che ha già tre figlie, alla quali la coppia ne aggiunge un’altra – e se troppo presto l’uomo molto più grande, che ha sposato e che le ha portato in dote tre figlie, la lascia sola perché muore, e lei deve crescere le tre figlie di lui più la propria – beh, direi che non fa meraviglia che giunta a cinquantatré anni Rebecca sia in vena di bilanci e abbia qualche dubbio che le cose siano andate per il verso giusto, e non le sorga quell’altro dubbio, e cioè che forse potevano andare diversamente, e con diversamente s’intende meglio.
Nel cast del TV movie Hallmark del 2004 anche Peter Fonda.
Con l’abituale ironia venata di malinconia, Anne Tyler apparecchia la solita famiglia numerosa ed elastica e ciarliera cui mi ha abituato: le tre figlie del defunto marito sono tutte sposate con prole, e già così il nucleo d’origine s’è ben allargato. Poi c’è ovviamente la quarta figlia, quella di Rebecca e del defunto Joe, e c’è perfino un prozio centenario.
E tutto intorno, Baltimora, sempre lei, la stessa città per tutte le storie della Tyler.
Rebecca fa il suo bilancio, è tentata di credere che vincano le occasioni perdute e mancate, ma poi sa tirare fuori pragmatismo e concretezza, due qualità che l’hanno aiutata sin da quando è rimasta prematuramente vedova.
C’era una volta una donna che scoprì di essere diventata la persona sbagliata. Aveva cinquantatré anni, era nonna… Molte persone della sua età avrebbero detto che era troppo tardi per cambiare. Quel che è fatto è fatto, avrebbero detto. Inutile cercare di cambiare le cose, a questo punto.
Anche Rebecca ci pensava, solo che lei non lo diceva.
Il poster del TV movie diretto da Ron Underwood.
March 21, 2008
I can see how some would think this book doesnt live up to its potential- but i think thats the whole point and they are missing the point,as well as Anne Tyler's genius. Anne Tyler purposefully captures the lives of people who seemingly may not live up to their potential- alot of her themes are based on how in life things hardly ever turn out how we think they should- and that this is not necessarily bad or good its just the way it is...I think the beauty of this book is that Rebecca doesnt go out and dye her hair red and move to Hawaii and meet a new handsome divorcee and begin a new career at 53....the beauty is she accepts her life- and stops wondering, hoping, wishing, that only "if" she had made other choices she would have been the person she was meant to be...thats a proposterous notion in my opinion bc she IS the person she was meant to be and she IS who she IS...and in the end i think she finds peace with that and that is a beautiful thing- bc I think thats when someone can really start be happy....this is what I love Anne Tyler for...she makes you think....
March 22, 2018
Anne Tyler's novels are always enjoyable to me, not because they are necessarily happy stories—because sometimes they are quite sad but in a true-to-life kind of way. But rather because her stories are real. I've said this before in reviews of her books, but she is so observant and is able to capture moments in her stories, whether between characters or just in one's head, that make me stop and think, "Oh wow, I've definitely thought that" or "That is totally something we would do!" I can picture her characters walking right off the page, and whether you like the characters or not, you can't deny that they are like people you know or can imagine being in your life. This story was no exception to all of that, and I loved Rebecca as a main character. Her authenticity and vulnerability was admirable, and she was a delight to read about.
July 22, 2021
“There is no true life. Your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be.”
I think Anne Tyler is a very deceptive writer. She has quickly catapulted into one of my all-time favorites, mainly because she captures our humanity in the most unpretentious and truthful (and thus powerful) manner. She does not write in a manner that declares her meaning, nor in a fashion that signals to the reader that this is a truthful rendering of experience. Rather, you read and recognize the truth because you have lived.
I’m in awe.
BACK WHEN WE WERE GROWNUPS follows widowed Rebecca Davitch, and her family, a family with 3 stepdaughters and 1 natural daughter, sons-in-laws, grandchildren, brother-in laws, etc. The text contains numerous family scenes, in fact it opens and closes with them. I personally liked those scenes for their honesty and vitality. They are not big dramatic events; they are the everyday. Birthday parties, wedding receptions, holidays, family picnics, etc.
Some moments of highlight, of many I could choose from…
A particularly stunning instant is a scene where a character recognizes her love and disdain for her child, simultaneously. The two emotions often go hand and hand, and Tyler captures that paradox brilliantly. And in one sentence no less!
Another profound and true moment happens when a character considers grieving, in all of its senses. Its simplicity and depth stopped me cold.
The book ends on a perfect note. I felt like I left these characters where they were supposed to be. In the process of life, living the everyday. Although not the novel’s conclusion, at one point the protagonist realizes, “She had just wanted to believe, she supposed, that there were grander motivations in history than mere family and friends, mere domestic happenstance.” The fact that there isn't is comforting to me.
Anne Tyler captures the inner life of humans so dazzlingly and so candidly. She puts into words feelings and emotions that we all feel but rarely are able to articulate. Then you read a text like BACK WHEN WE WERE GROWNUPS, and you instantly recognize the thought and wonder how you were never able to express it so truthfully and artfully yourself. That is the gift of a wonderfully talented writer!
I think Anne Tyler is a very deceptive writer. She has quickly catapulted into one of my all-time favorites, mainly because she captures our humanity in the most unpretentious and truthful (and thus powerful) manner. She does not write in a manner that declares her meaning, nor in a fashion that signals to the reader that this is a truthful rendering of experience. Rather, you read and recognize the truth because you have lived.
I’m in awe.
BACK WHEN WE WERE GROWNUPS follows widowed Rebecca Davitch, and her family, a family with 3 stepdaughters and 1 natural daughter, sons-in-laws, grandchildren, brother-in laws, etc. The text contains numerous family scenes, in fact it opens and closes with them. I personally liked those scenes for their honesty and vitality. They are not big dramatic events; they are the everyday. Birthday parties, wedding receptions, holidays, family picnics, etc.
Some moments of highlight, of many I could choose from…
A particularly stunning instant is a scene where a character recognizes her love and disdain for her child, simultaneously. The two emotions often go hand and hand, and Tyler captures that paradox brilliantly. And in one sentence no less!
Another profound and true moment happens when a character considers grieving, in all of its senses. Its simplicity and depth stopped me cold.
The book ends on a perfect note. I felt like I left these characters where they were supposed to be. In the process of life, living the everyday. Although not the novel’s conclusion, at one point the protagonist realizes, “She had just wanted to believe, she supposed, that there were grander motivations in history than mere family and friends, mere domestic happenstance.” The fact that there isn't is comforting to me.
Anne Tyler captures the inner life of humans so dazzlingly and so candidly. She puts into words feelings and emotions that we all feel but rarely are able to articulate. Then you read a text like BACK WHEN WE WERE GROWNUPS, and you instantly recognize the thought and wonder how you were never able to express it so truthfully and artfully yourself. That is the gift of a wonderfully talented writer!
August 27, 2007
why did i finish this? why do i do that to myself - finish books that have no chance of improving? i bought this because it was marked down to like $5 and i have heard that anne tyler is a beautiful writer and i like the cover (trite, but i do). i didn't like the first 20 pages, so what compelled me to finish is beyond me, but i hated the characters, the characters' names (all cutesy nicknames like poppy, no no, bitsy, the non-chinese min foo, jeep, patch, etc), the protagonist, and how boring the plot, dialogue, and problems were. mid-50s woman feels bad that she broke up with her college sweetheart, reconnects with him, decides she made the right choice. she was both timid and obnoxious, made dumb decisions on a whim, and was pretty much the kind of person that all women dread that they will become some day. why was i supposed to give a shit about her?
January 19, 2021
4.5 rounded up
I’m not sure exactly why I enjoyed and loved this read so much but I truly did. Maybe because it felt so wholesome. At the beginning the amount of characters that were immediately presented overwhelmed me but once I got a hang of who was who I ended up really liking the quirkiness of the entire family unit. Also how can anybody not love Poppy?
The only thing that let this down for me was the flip flopping of one relationship that seem to stop and start a lot.
I’m not sure exactly why I enjoyed and loved this read so much but I truly did. Maybe because it felt so wholesome. At the beginning the amount of characters that were immediately presented overwhelmed me but once I got a hang of who was who I ended up really liking the quirkiness of the entire family unit. Also how can anybody not love Poppy?
The only thing that let this down for me was the flip flopping of one relationship that seem to stop and start a lot.
August 21, 2014
I think the reason this book has received so many negative reviews is because Anne Tyler represents life in an uncomfortable way. There is no fancy adventure, just a woman trying to live day to day with a blended family and a family business that was not even her's to start with. I have seen the lead character Rebecca described as weak. I think that causes discomfort in some readers. Some people choose to read as an escape from the day to day, and then Anne Tyler manages to adeptly make us face how we can make choices in our life that bog us down. Rebecca is not a prototypical heroine, instead she's a woman who has to learn to love the life she has. In this day and age of drive thru convenience, we sometimes forget to be thankful for what we have--that's why I really enjoyed the moments between Rebecca and Poppy. Their relationship is basically symbolic of the entire theme--life happens...you make of it what you will, and you can still love something that was not your expectation. On the surface this may seem hum drum, but isn't that life? All stories cannot be adventures to far off lands. Some stories don't lead us that far away from home.
January 30, 2008
I've known for a while now that my life will turn out to be nothing like what I thought (and currently think) it will be. Being in my early twenties betrays me as merely knowing this in theory, and I'm sure several more levels of heady realization will hit me as I age. But reading this book was a valuable experience because it made me think about the fact that at some point, I will look at my life and think: "I didn't choose this," and possibly resent it. Rebecca was thrust into a lifestyle that forced her to act differently than she was comfortable with, but because - according to Aristotle - "We are what we repeatedly do," she became that person anyway. She chose to behave as if she were happy, in many ways purely for the comfort and happiness of others. This lifestyle does not convey to me a feeling of helplessness. Her life epitomized the sentiment of Aristotle, and tells me that whatever situation I find myself, I still have the choice to behave the way I would have myself become, even if it includes the conscious choice of being happy.
March 10, 2025
“Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person.”
And so begins the delightful and irresistible novel Back When We Were Grownups by one of my favorite writers of contemporary fiction, Anne Tyler. And this is why I consider myself part of Tyler’s Tribe. The first book that I read by Anne Tyler was the Ladder of Years with many similarities to this book as Delia was tired of her ungrateful family, sent to the car at the beach to retrieve some forgotten belongings, Delia keeps walking and walking away from her family and her life. That just resonated with me, just keep walking. This book was very reminiscent of that plot as we meet Rebecca at only nineteen years of age when Joe Davitch spotted her at an engagement party in his family’s crumbling nineteenth-century Baltimore row house named Open Arms. It is here that Joe Davitch, thirteen years older, swept her off her feet. Rebecca quickly decides to abandon her college career and her boyfriend to embrace a new life marrying this divorcee with three daughters. And so the tale continues, as we see Rebecca adapt to this life with all of its many complexities. It is when Rebecca is fifty-three years old, perhaps a little disenchanted with her life, living with her deceased husband’s uncle, Poppy, about to celebrate his one-hundredth birthday as she continues the family’s party venue in their Baltimore row house. But when she begins to think back of her life before she left college to marry into this raucous family, Rebecca begins to wonder if she may have made a wrong decision. It is in the midst of this turmoil that she agrees to have dinner with the jilted college boyfriend when she first contemplates that perhaps her life has been derailed to a much different path as she begins to revere this dream life as her true life. Has she made a mistake? This beautiful book will take you through all of the turmoil. I loved this book and all of the themes that only Anne Tyler can embrace so unabashedly. But like Delia in The Ladder of Years, Rebecca comes to the understanding of what Poppy so dearly imparted, “your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be.”
April 14, 2017
This book was really good because it, once again, is one of those stories that Anne Tyler is best at writing. A story about a large family with lots of dynamic going on. In this specific family, 53-year-old Rebecca has started feeling out of place and she wonders what her life would've been like if she had chosen another path.
This is a story about doubt and hope. Right from the beginning, I was screaming at Rebecca that she was romantizing the past and forgetting about all the faults she found with it back in the days. She fell into this trap which I'm sure a lot of us fall into as we get older: Which is to only remember about the good things and forget about the past.
I really liked this story throughout and was only mildly disappointed at the ending which I didn't find came with any resolution for Rebecca. It was endearing to read about her family, though - especially Poppy! And once again I was fascinated with how Tyler manages to write about everyday life and worries in such an enchanting way - same way as always :)
This is a story about doubt and hope. Right from the beginning, I was screaming at Rebecca that she was romantizing the past and forgetting about all the faults she found with it back in the days. She fell into this trap which I'm sure a lot of us fall into as we get older: Which is to only remember about the good things and forget about the past.
I really liked this story throughout and was only mildly disappointed at the ending which I didn't find came with any resolution for Rebecca. It was endearing to read about her family, though - especially Poppy! And once again I was fascinated with how Tyler manages to write about everyday life and worries in such an enchanting way - same way as always :)
March 4, 2010
"Back When We Were Grown Ups" is my first Anne Tyler book. I received it as a gift from my sister and I immediately hated the cover. However, I opened up the book and was drawn into the character of Rebecca almost immediately. She is such a well-crafted creation. She is in her mid fifties, a widow for the past 30 years and she feels at odds against who she was long ago, and who she has become. She feels like a shadow of her former self. She feels unimportant, like a cornerstone in the family- yet a stone nonetheless.
In the beginning, the names of the children were a little off-putting (Jeep, Min Foo, Patch, Troy, NoNo, Biddy, etc) but by the end of the story, I felt like I knew them and loved them anyway. Biddy is an emotional wreck of a daughter, but when needed she reacts the way that is expected. Patch is just a fight waiting to happen, but she has such passion. NoNo is meek and quiet, but once put upon, she turns into a blindly foolish tyrant. Min Foo is a free spirit, with three children by three different men and different personalities for each former husband. But, in the end, all four daughters are oblivious to the quesion on Rebecca's forehead. They are so caught up in their own world's, so used to Rebecca "being there", that when she starts to question her existence, they don't even notice.
Rebecca contacts her old boyfriend from high school, Will, who meant so much to her back then, but whom she left in order to run away with a new guy nearly 13 years her senior, who already had 3 children. She was with Will (yet on a schedule of not being engaged) for years, but when she met her husband, Joe, she left Will and married Joe (and his boisterous family) within a few months. Now, that Joe is deceased since she was 26, she phones Will in a pit of nervousness and they meet again. Did she make the right decision to leave Will for Joe in such a rush? Do they have a chance of reconciling now that Joe is gone?
And what of this loud, hot tempered, yet loving family that she has been adopted into? Poppy (her late husband's elderly uncle) is endearing. The warmth that she shows when communicating with him, even though he has a hard time remembering anything and tends to repeat himself a lot, is so sweet.
What stopped me from giving this five stars? Rebecca's relationship with Joe's junior brother, Zeb. I was frustrated. I wanted to read more about those two.
Even though she is in her 50s, Rebecca finds that she still has much to learn. As we all do.
"Back When..." was a wonderful book. It was almost lyrical. It has it's funny moments, it's saddening moments, and I breezed through it in only a few days (I've been in a reading slump for the past few months and this book dragged me out) It is lovely. My sister has not yet read this one, and I plan on sending it back to her so that she can see what she mistakenly gave away!
Great novel.
In the beginning, the names of the children were a little off-putting (Jeep, Min Foo, Patch, Troy, NoNo, Biddy, etc) but by the end of the story, I felt like I knew them and loved them anyway. Biddy is an emotional wreck of a daughter, but when needed she reacts the way that is expected. Patch is just a fight waiting to happen, but she has such passion. NoNo is meek and quiet, but once put upon, she turns into a blindly foolish tyrant. Min Foo is a free spirit, with three children by three different men and different personalities for each former husband. But, in the end, all four daughters are oblivious to the quesion on Rebecca's forehead. They are so caught up in their own world's, so used to Rebecca "being there", that when she starts to question her existence, they don't even notice.
Rebecca contacts her old boyfriend from high school, Will, who meant so much to her back then, but whom she left in order to run away with a new guy nearly 13 years her senior, who already had 3 children. She was with Will (yet on a schedule of not being engaged) for years, but when she met her husband, Joe, she left Will and married Joe (and his boisterous family) within a few months. Now, that Joe is deceased since she was 26, she phones Will in a pit of nervousness and they meet again. Did she make the right decision to leave Will for Joe in such a rush? Do they have a chance of reconciling now that Joe is gone?
And what of this loud, hot tempered, yet loving family that she has been adopted into? Poppy (her late husband's elderly uncle) is endearing. The warmth that she shows when communicating with him, even though he has a hard time remembering anything and tends to repeat himself a lot, is so sweet.
What stopped me from giving this five stars? Rebecca's relationship with Joe's junior brother, Zeb. I was frustrated. I wanted to read more about those two.
Even though she is in her 50s, Rebecca finds that she still has much to learn. As we all do.
"Back When..." was a wonderful book. It was almost lyrical. It has it's funny moments, it's saddening moments, and I breezed through it in only a few days (I've been in a reading slump for the past few months and this book dragged me out) It is lovely. My sister has not yet read this one, and I plan on sending it back to her so that she can see what she mistakenly gave away!
Great novel.
August 20, 2007
I have only read about three of Anne's books, but in each case, I ended up feeling that she had delved deeply into my heart with lessons about life, loss, love, courage and joy, while making it seem almost effortless. This novel is no exception. The story of a woman who fears she has lost her true self, only to discover that she has been living the life she deserved all along, is just wonderful.
April 18, 2017
“It struck her all at once that dealing with other human beings was an awful lot of work.”
I admit that I am rarely drawn to light contemporary, I always expect the adult contemporary books I read to sort of have a darker twisted element but Anne Tyler is an exception. Her books are simply heartfelt with a realistic depiction of family and life occurrence. A Spool of Blue Thread was a book that I read at the beginning of this year and complete loved. I cared for the simple life of this one family through generations and I decided to pick up “Back When We’re Grownups” to sort of seeing if she is still living up to my expectations, even though it didn’t quite reach the other previous book I still got that special feeling through her writing.
“There is no true life. Your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be. You just do the best you can with what you've got.”
The book follows Rebecca as she approaches a certain regretful point in her life, she literally has a nice full family with stepdaughters who love her, a party-throwing business and sort of a wholesome life for a woman her age but she keeps looking back at her life to sort of figure out why she isn’t happy with her current state. Throughout the book, we get familiarises with her daughters and the families dinner surrounded by gossip and just everyday normalcy and with Anne Tyler’s magical writing the reader feels like they have been invited to dine with the family. I highly recommend you try her out because her way of storytelling is a real treat 😊
I admit that I am rarely drawn to light contemporary, I always expect the adult contemporary books I read to sort of have a darker twisted element but Anne Tyler is an exception. Her books are simply heartfelt with a realistic depiction of family and life occurrence. A Spool of Blue Thread was a book that I read at the beginning of this year and complete loved. I cared for the simple life of this one family through generations and I decided to pick up “Back When We’re Grownups” to sort of seeing if she is still living up to my expectations, even though it didn’t quite reach the other previous book I still got that special feeling through her writing.
“There is no true life. Your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be. You just do the best you can with what you've got.”
The book follows Rebecca as she approaches a certain regretful point in her life, she literally has a nice full family with stepdaughters who love her, a party-throwing business and sort of a wholesome life for a woman her age but she keeps looking back at her life to sort of figure out why she isn’t happy with her current state. Throughout the book, we get familiarises with her daughters and the families dinner surrounded by gossip and just everyday normalcy and with Anne Tyler’s magical writing the reader feels like they have been invited to dine with the family. I highly recommend you try her out because her way of storytelling is a real treat 😊
August 1, 2018
I thought I had read all of Anne Tyler's novels, but whilst waiting for her latest from the library, I came across this one which I don't remember ever reading before (though that's not an unknown occurrence these days).
All her novels are character driven and full of pitch-perfect dialogue – so much so, that they could just as well be written as plays. The plots may be considered inconsequential by those looking for an action-packed adventure, and they can sometimes teeter on the edge of hokey, but it's no denying Tyler’s novels supply the feel-good factor and sense of identification with the situations described, which makes them so engaging and enjoyable. Once immersed in Tyler's fully-realised imaginary worldscapes, I never want to leave.
Treat yourself!
All her novels are character driven and full of pitch-perfect dialogue – so much so, that they could just as well be written as plays. The plots may be considered inconsequential by those looking for an action-packed adventure, and they can sometimes teeter on the edge of hokey, but it's no denying Tyler’s novels supply the feel-good factor and sense of identification with the situations described, which makes them so engaging and enjoyable. Once immersed in Tyler's fully-realised imaginary worldscapes, I never want to leave.
Treat yourself!
November 5, 2007
Rebecca, the main character, tries to uncover where her real life diverged from the life she was meant to live. Six CDs later, I only wish that rather than taking up with her high school sweetheart, she'd instead torched the preciously named Open Arms for the insurance money and demanded that her ungrateful, self-absorbed children show her a little respect. There were hints of interesting storylines throughout, including some suggestion that Rebeccah's late husband's car accident might have been a suicide. But these storylines don't go anywhere.
Reasons I disliked this book (and am beginning to dislike Tyler's work in general) :
--obnoxious characters with names like Jeep, Patch, and Ming Fu.
--characters discover personal truths that could be cross-stitched on a pillow for sale at a church bazaar. Spoiler alert: We don't have one true life, we live the life we are given.
The box for my audiobook says Anne Tyler won the Pulitzer for Breathing Lessons. Was that the one about the frazzled middle-aged matriarch of a boisterous Baltimore family?
Reasons I disliked this book (and am beginning to dislike Tyler's work in general) :
--obnoxious characters with names like Jeep, Patch, and Ming Fu.
--characters discover personal truths that could be cross-stitched on a pillow for sale at a church bazaar. Spoiler alert: We don't have one true life, we live the life we are given.
The box for my audiobook says Anne Tyler won the Pulitzer for Breathing Lessons. Was that the one about the frazzled middle-aged matriarch of a boisterous Baltimore family?
August 21, 2007
This is a beautiful book about a large crazy family that a woman doesn't feel a part of, but is. I don't know if I fell for it especially because I'm all the way here in Berlin so the idea of a messy family constantly stopping in to ask favors and for advice is welcome when a bit lonely and missing my own family or if it was the dream the main character has of being on a train with a beautiful son, the type that is scholarly and kind and a little unsociable and, or if it was my identification with her, a heavyish woman who was shy and restrained in her earlier years and then becomes someone she feels she's not, this merry jolly woman, until she finally realizes in the end that this is who she, in fact, is, but I found it to be comfortable and touching, whatever the reason. And that was an amazingly run-on sentence. Possibly my longest yet.
May 15, 2009
Rebecca Davitch, widowed and in her 50s, suddenly feels discontent with her life and her role as head of the eccentric Davitch clan. She has a daughter, three step-daughters, multiple grandchildren, a brother in law and a 99 year old uncle to tend to... not to mention her job running the family's event business. Rebecca wonders if she is actually happy or if she ought to change some elements of her life.
I absolutely hated this book and am stunned by some of the good reviews I see online. I kept on reading it (despite how painful that was) to see if it would get better and it never did. Rebecca is a weak, wishy-washy martyr of a female protagonist who complains a lot about her life but never really tried to figure any of it out beyond wondering if she married the right man 30 years ago. Also, the book is set in 1999, but it feels more like 1899 given how unempowered and unenlightened the women in the story are. Perhaps Rebecca would have been best going back to school or asserting even the tiniest bit of independence rather than sitting around catering to a family not of her choosing. Two thumbs way down from me.
I absolutely hated this book and am stunned by some of the good reviews I see online. I kept on reading it (despite how painful that was) to see if it would get better and it never did. Rebecca is a weak, wishy-washy martyr of a female protagonist who complains a lot about her life but never really tried to figure any of it out beyond wondering if she married the right man 30 years ago. Also, the book is set in 1999, but it feels more like 1899 given how unempowered and unenlightened the women in the story are. Perhaps Rebecca would have been best going back to school or asserting even the tiniest bit of independence rather than sitting around catering to a family not of her choosing. Two thumbs way down from me.
October 12, 2015
Although the term was never used, this is the story of a woman in a mid-life crisis. A widow for many years, Rebecca "suddenly" found herself facing a life she had never anticipated. Frankly, I didn't understand this part. She wanted to go back to the high school/college boyfriend she had dumped to run off and marry someone else who actually excited her. The past she wanted to reclaim was only that relationship which didn't work when she was young. She didn't seem to be seeing what kind of life she would lead if she was able to reclaim it.
I would never want to be 20 again. What I thought I wanted when I was that age bears no resemblance to what I now think of as a satisfying life. Although when I was 53 (Rebecca's age), I might have wanted to make changes, going back to 20 wasn't remotely what I wanted. (35 maybe, but definitely not 20.)
So, while I enjoy Anne Tyler, this isn't going to become one of my favorites.
I would never want to be 20 again. What I thought I wanted when I was that age bears no resemblance to what I now think of as a satisfying life. Although when I was 53 (Rebecca's age), I might have wanted to make changes, going back to 20 wasn't remotely what I wanted. (35 maybe, but definitely not 20.)
So, while I enjoy Anne Tyler, this isn't going to become one of my favorites.
April 7, 2023
Beck, a widow, looks around herself one day, and in the lyrics to The Talking Heads song tells herself “How do I work this? This is not my beautiful house.” It’s her mid life crisis calling and this novel answers the crisis differently than all the other novels I’ve read that have characters dealing with one. Readers find out alongside Beck, often in the same location, if she is leading the life meant for her. This novel is subtle but rich at the same time, and made me feel a part of the daily lives of Beck’s bustling family and her internal journey towards self confidence and self acceptance. I enjoyed it.
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September 23, 20173-4 *s I enjoyed this audio. IMO, Anne Tyler is usually an effortless and expert storyteller. This title reminded me of Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant -in that off putting characters became endearing and "charming in their dysfunction."(don't know where I got that quote from, but I do know I am not the source).
March 1, 2025
Living In The Everyday
This book, Anne Tyler's 15th novel, takes place in an old rowhouse in Baltimore in 1999. Its hero is Rebecca Davitch, a 53 year-old widow and grandmother. She rents portions of the row house, which is known as the "Open Arms" out for large parties and catered affairs, a business she inherited from her husband and operates with his relatives. Rebecca is dissatisfied with the apparent clutter and confusion of her life as one of her stepdaughters prepares to be married. The reader embarks with Rebecca on her voyage of self-discovery, where she is, where she has been, where she wants to be. Perhaps it is important that the adjacent rowhouse to the Open Arms is a meditation center.
Rebecca had dumped her college and high school sweetheart, Will, and dropped out of college to marry Joe Davitch, 13 years her senior and the proprietor of the Open Arms. At the time of the marriage, Joe had three young daughters from a failed earlier marriage. Joe and Rebecca have a daughter of their own before Joe's untimely death leaves Rebecca to raise the three step-daughters and her own daughter.
The book shows the bric-a-brac of life in the old rowhouse and in the family which is Rebecca's. Each of the grown daughters and their sometimes multiple spouses or partners are highly eccentric, from their nicknames to their characters. The children are as well. The Davitch's are indeed blended in that the family and their spouses and others represent a variety of races, ethnic groups, religions, level of education, interests, what have you. They are an interesting but confusing group and their various peculiarities made the story difficult to follow at times.
Rebecca, is harried by the everydayness of her life. She remembers Will, the young man she dumped in college in favor of Joe, and is bothered by the possibility that she made the wrong choice. Much of the book describes how Rebecca makes contact with Will again. In one of the best, because one of the simplest and most obviously felt passages of the book, Will tells Rebecca upon their first new meeting that "you broke my heart." By finding Will again, and trying to see if a relationship with him is possible in mid-life, Rebecca comes to terms with her life.
There is the touch of family in this book with its estrangements, its clutter, its loves, and its daily tasks. Rebecca questions at times whether there is more to life. Her college hero was Robert E. Lee whom she sees, both in her college days and when we meet her, as a heroic figure who tried to act beyond the chores and trials of everyday to make a principled decision to stand with the South. Robert E. Lee is something of a foil to the actions in the book, (as is, in a different way, the meditation center next door.)
The book is effective as a whole because Anne Tyler has a light, deft touch and doesn't take herself too seriously. The book is funny and generally reads well. Unfortunately the book (and virtually every character) is far too mannered. The mannerisms and eccentricities pale quickly and they mask a certain sameness and triteness in the story. There is too much attention paid to the quirkiness of each character. This distracts from the story to me and makes Rebecca's search shallower than it should be. It adds undue sentimentality to the book.
Life is lived in moments and we need to cherish and understand the everyday. The sentimentality, the peeling plaster and spasmodic electricity in the rowhouse, the adventures and misadventures of Rebecca, her children and grandchildren all have a touch of the down-to-earth. It is not the sort of spiritual journey in which the protagonist seeks solitude or some inner source of wisdom. Think again of the kind of spirituality sought by those at the meditation center next door and of the ways in which it probably differs and probably resembles Rebecca's search. The book teaches a spirituality of the common life.
Robin Friedman
This book, Anne Tyler's 15th novel, takes place in an old rowhouse in Baltimore in 1999. Its hero is Rebecca Davitch, a 53 year-old widow and grandmother. She rents portions of the row house, which is known as the "Open Arms" out for large parties and catered affairs, a business she inherited from her husband and operates with his relatives. Rebecca is dissatisfied with the apparent clutter and confusion of her life as one of her stepdaughters prepares to be married. The reader embarks with Rebecca on her voyage of self-discovery, where she is, where she has been, where she wants to be. Perhaps it is important that the adjacent rowhouse to the Open Arms is a meditation center.
Rebecca had dumped her college and high school sweetheart, Will, and dropped out of college to marry Joe Davitch, 13 years her senior and the proprietor of the Open Arms. At the time of the marriage, Joe had three young daughters from a failed earlier marriage. Joe and Rebecca have a daughter of their own before Joe's untimely death leaves Rebecca to raise the three step-daughters and her own daughter.
The book shows the bric-a-brac of life in the old rowhouse and in the family which is Rebecca's. Each of the grown daughters and their sometimes multiple spouses or partners are highly eccentric, from their nicknames to their characters. The children are as well. The Davitch's are indeed blended in that the family and their spouses and others represent a variety of races, ethnic groups, religions, level of education, interests, what have you. They are an interesting but confusing group and their various peculiarities made the story difficult to follow at times.
Rebecca, is harried by the everydayness of her life. She remembers Will, the young man she dumped in college in favor of Joe, and is bothered by the possibility that she made the wrong choice. Much of the book describes how Rebecca makes contact with Will again. In one of the best, because one of the simplest and most obviously felt passages of the book, Will tells Rebecca upon their first new meeting that "you broke my heart." By finding Will again, and trying to see if a relationship with him is possible in mid-life, Rebecca comes to terms with her life.
There is the touch of family in this book with its estrangements, its clutter, its loves, and its daily tasks. Rebecca questions at times whether there is more to life. Her college hero was Robert E. Lee whom she sees, both in her college days and when we meet her, as a heroic figure who tried to act beyond the chores and trials of everyday to make a principled decision to stand with the South. Robert E. Lee is something of a foil to the actions in the book, (as is, in a different way, the meditation center next door.)
The book is effective as a whole because Anne Tyler has a light, deft touch and doesn't take herself too seriously. The book is funny and generally reads well. Unfortunately the book (and virtually every character) is far too mannered. The mannerisms and eccentricities pale quickly and they mask a certain sameness and triteness in the story. There is too much attention paid to the quirkiness of each character. This distracts from the story to me and makes Rebecca's search shallower than it should be. It adds undue sentimentality to the book.
Life is lived in moments and we need to cherish and understand the everyday. The sentimentality, the peeling plaster and spasmodic electricity in the rowhouse, the adventures and misadventures of Rebecca, her children and grandchildren all have a touch of the down-to-earth. It is not the sort of spiritual journey in which the protagonist seeks solitude or some inner source of wisdom. Think again of the kind of spirituality sought by those at the meditation center next door and of the ways in which it probably differs and probably resembles Rebecca's search. The book teaches a spirituality of the common life.
Robin Friedman
April 23, 2017
Anne Tyler is such a wonderful writer. I was completely wrapped up in the life and lifestyles of the family, laughing with them, cringing with them, and enjoying the obliviousness they projected amid biting moments of truth. Like the light on a train full of amazing characters, Rebecca's search for herself and the circuitous route she took to discover who she truly was makes for a lively, compelling story.
June 29, 2010
When I was in high school, I read a lot of Anne Tyler novels, and with "Back When We Were Grownups," I've rediscovered my love for Anne Tyler and her tender, insightful writing about everyday subject matter.
This book begins: "Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person" (p. 3).
It's a beautifully written, heartwarming story about Rebecca Davitch, who broke up with her college boyfriend to marry an older, divorced man with three daughters. Now, in her 50s or 60s, Rebecca examines the life she chose and sees the good in it. An excellent, soul-searching, satisfying read.
Quotes that struck me:
1) "Distance was the key, here: the distant, alluring mystery woman whose edges had not been worn dull by the constant minor abrasions of daily contact" (p. 87).
2) Conversation between Rebecca and Will:
"'You broke my heart,' Will said ... there she was, magically transported to that starlit evening in 1960 when everything was poised to begin, and meanwhile he had leapt forward to the very end of the story." (p. 134)
3) "When she was handed her new grandson ... 'Look,' she told the children. 'He's saying, Who are YOU? What kind of people have I ended up with, here? How am I going to like living on this planet?' She hoped they didn't notice the ridiculous break in her voice." (p. 142)
4) "But apparently you grow to love whom you're handed." (p. 157)
5) "If this turned out to be Poppy's deathbed, heaven forbid, how strange that she should be standing beside it! Ninety-nine years ago, when he had come into the world, nobody could have foreseen that an overweight college dropout from Church Valley, Virginia -- not even a Davitch, stricktly speaking -- would be the one to hold his hand as he left it." (p. 159)
6) "Some people, she often noticed, had experiences in their pasts that defined them forever after, that they felt compelled to divulge to any casual acquaintance at the outset." (p. 234)
7) "'Isn't it amazing ... There I am, watching the camera when I could have been looking at Joyce. I thought I had the rest of my life to look at Joyce, was why." (p. 261)
8) "Let's say you had to report back to heaven at the end of your time on earth, tell them what your personal allotment of experience had been: wouldn't it sound like Poppy's speech? The smell of radiator dust on a winter morning, the taste of hot maple syrup ..." (p. 273)
9) And the last line:
"On the screen, Rebecca's face appeared, merry and open and sunlit, and she saw that she really had been having a wonderful time." (P. 273)
This book begins: "Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person" (p. 3).
It's a beautifully written, heartwarming story about Rebecca Davitch, who broke up with her college boyfriend to marry an older, divorced man with three daughters. Now, in her 50s or 60s, Rebecca examines the life she chose and sees the good in it. An excellent, soul-searching, satisfying read.
Quotes that struck me:
1) "Distance was the key, here: the distant, alluring mystery woman whose edges had not been worn dull by the constant minor abrasions of daily contact" (p. 87).
2) Conversation between Rebecca and Will:
"'You broke my heart,' Will said ... there she was, magically transported to that starlit evening in 1960 when everything was poised to begin, and meanwhile he had leapt forward to the very end of the story." (p. 134)
3) "When she was handed her new grandson ... 'Look,' she told the children. 'He's saying, Who are YOU? What kind of people have I ended up with, here? How am I going to like living on this planet?' She hoped they didn't notice the ridiculous break in her voice." (p. 142)
4) "But apparently you grow to love whom you're handed." (p. 157)
5) "If this turned out to be Poppy's deathbed, heaven forbid, how strange that she should be standing beside it! Ninety-nine years ago, when he had come into the world, nobody could have foreseen that an overweight college dropout from Church Valley, Virginia -- not even a Davitch, stricktly speaking -- would be the one to hold his hand as he left it." (p. 159)
6) "Some people, she often noticed, had experiences in their pasts that defined them forever after, that they felt compelled to divulge to any casual acquaintance at the outset." (p. 234)
7) "'Isn't it amazing ... There I am, watching the camera when I could have been looking at Joyce. I thought I had the rest of my life to look at Joyce, was why." (p. 261)
8) "Let's say you had to report back to heaven at the end of your time on earth, tell them what your personal allotment of experience had been: wouldn't it sound like Poppy's speech? The smell of radiator dust on a winter morning, the taste of hot maple syrup ..." (p. 273)
9) And the last line:
"On the screen, Rebecca's face appeared, merry and open and sunlit, and she saw that she really had been having a wonderful time." (P. 273)
April 11, 2020
"Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person."
Rebecca Davitch, a widow and a grandmother, is still running her husband's business of hosting catered parties. She had broken off a relationship with another man and dropped out of college when she met Joe Davitch, an enthusiastic man with three young daughters. Now the middle-aged Rebecca is wondering who was her true self. Was she the outgoing party planner, or the more sedate person of her youth? Does a person change to fit the life that's given to them?
Anne Tyler infused her book with humor, and an understanding of family connections. She writes about the warmth and the craziness of dealing with a quirky bunch of family members.
Rebecca Davitch, a widow and a grandmother, is still running her husband's business of hosting catered parties. She had broken off a relationship with another man and dropped out of college when she met Joe Davitch, an enthusiastic man with three young daughters. Now the middle-aged Rebecca is wondering who was her true self. Was she the outgoing party planner, or the more sedate person of her youth? Does a person change to fit the life that's given to them?
Anne Tyler infused her book with humor, and an understanding of family connections. She writes about the warmth and the craziness of dealing with a quirky bunch of family members.
July 1, 2022
This is the story of Rebecca, a widow after being married just 6 years and left with quite a legacy. 4 daughters, 3 of them step and one smallest of her own. But all hers.
And also the "Open Arms" a household more than vintage is hers, as well. And she turns it into a "party/catering" venue for holding special events. While living there for decades raising more than the bunch.
But its far more than about just Rebecca and her own family. Which, in itself, is more numerous than what I have just described. And with her compatriots inside the "Open Arms" the whole is quite a vintage late (last three decades in predominance) 20th century tale.
I felt completely at home. Multi-generational. Elderly right here daily. Various friends or cousins, or uncles, or brothers-in-laws, or long lost ex-wives. Hardly any "nothing going on" days. Cousins upon cousins KNOW each other. Also my norm.
I really was embedded in this one. Rebecca is half the people I have known and lived among. Busy taking care of all. Practical manager by default. Many humans are smack in her box. And not a few are also singles.
Like other Tyler's, none of these people are rocket scientists or superlative brains. But they sure, in this one, do "most of it". And find family and a nurture of kinds core. Very good read.
And holds too, the fork in the road within 50 something thoughts. All of us had them or think about them later. I had two different grammar and high school friends who married first or second boyfriends in later life. Nearly 40 years later in one case. Sometimes forks can lead back to original bases. LOL!
And also the "Open Arms" a household more than vintage is hers, as well. And she turns it into a "party/catering" venue for holding special events. While living there for decades raising more than the bunch.
But its far more than about just Rebecca and her own family. Which, in itself, is more numerous than what I have just described. And with her compatriots inside the "Open Arms" the whole is quite a vintage late (last three decades in predominance) 20th century tale.
I felt completely at home. Multi-generational. Elderly right here daily. Various friends or cousins, or uncles, or brothers-in-laws, or long lost ex-wives. Hardly any "nothing going on" days. Cousins upon cousins KNOW each other. Also my norm.
I really was embedded in this one. Rebecca is half the people I have known and lived among. Busy taking care of all. Practical manager by default. Many humans are smack in her box. And not a few are also singles.
Like other Tyler's, none of these people are rocket scientists or superlative brains. But they sure, in this one, do "most of it". And find family and a nurture of kinds core. Very good read.
And holds too, the fork in the road within 50 something thoughts. All of us had them or think about them later. I had two different grammar and high school friends who married first or second boyfriends in later life. Nearly 40 years later in one case. Sometimes forks can lead back to original bases. LOL!
January 2, 2008
Probably one of the most memorable openings, "Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person," I've read in a long time. Yet I didn't feel the novel lived up to the full potential of this opening sentence. I kept expecting Rebecca to go through some life changes, to be happier in the end. A new job, interest, travel, friends, love, whatever...instead she just concentrates on love--her first boyfriend Will. But the novel doesn't even continue in this direction.
Rebecca had a lot of interesting thoughts and emotions but she never put that into any kind of action and that's what made her a boring character. A doormat to her daughters for babysitting, organizing parties/dinners, complaints and insults --I kept expecting Rebecca to at least throw one revolt against them or her children to thank her, smile at her, or at the very least give her some kind of loving, appreciative glance. And poor Will...so dull you almost felt sorry for him. And this may sound like a petty complaint--but the names of all these characters are all confusing. I spent the first 50 pages going back and forth wondering who was who and how they were related to Rebecca.
To end on a good note, the author had great writing style and some of her characters were likable. Poppy, along with everyone else's reviews, was my favorite. The topics he'd come up with in the middle of conversation, his love for his dead wife, his ice cream store complaint, all of it kept me interested. And unlike most of the other characters, he showed Rebecca moments of appreciation.
Rebecca had a lot of interesting thoughts and emotions but she never put that into any kind of action and that's what made her a boring character. A doormat to her daughters for babysitting, organizing parties/dinners, complaints and insults --I kept expecting Rebecca to at least throw one revolt against them or her children to thank her, smile at her, or at the very least give her some kind of loving, appreciative glance. And poor Will...so dull you almost felt sorry for him. And this may sound like a petty complaint--but the names of all these characters are all confusing. I spent the first 50 pages going back and forth wondering who was who and how they were related to Rebecca.
To end on a good note, the author had great writing style and some of her characters were likable. Poppy, along with everyone else's reviews, was my favorite. The topics he'd come up with in the middle of conversation, his love for his dead wife, his ice cream store complaint, all of it kept me interested. And unlike most of the other characters, he showed Rebecca moments of appreciation.
December 29, 2010
I finished this book a couple months ago, and I find myself still thinking about it, about Rebecca, her life, her choices. This book was recommended to me, since my own life has some uncanny similarities.
This book is about family, and about love - love lost due to death (Rebecca's late husband), and love lost due to Rebecca "throwing it away" as she left her fiance so many years ago. It's about the love that is all around Rebecca - which is mostly family by marriage, even though her husband has been gone over 20 years. Over the course of the book, she evaluates her actions and decisions from when she was in college, and if there's a way to "get back" to who she was then.
I can see why some reveiwers have called Rebecca self absorbed (or worse). But that's really the focus of the book. It's not a thriller with a bunch of plot twists, it's about her - her family, her business, her joys, her worries.
While I'm not Rebecca, our personalities I don't think are similar, her life has some amazing similarites to my own: I'm 51, she's 53. In my early 20's I left a perfectly good marriage with a man my age, to marry the love of my life, a man 13 years older, with daughters who lived with us. He later was killed in a car accident. I have 7 grandchildren. I am close to my husband's family, and have occasional e-mails with my ex from 30 yrs ago. I doubt I will ever read another novel with so much of my life story. So probably I looked at it a little different from others.
This book is about family, and about love - love lost due to death (Rebecca's late husband), and love lost due to Rebecca "throwing it away" as she left her fiance so many years ago. It's about the love that is all around Rebecca - which is mostly family by marriage, even though her husband has been gone over 20 years. Over the course of the book, she evaluates her actions and decisions from when she was in college, and if there's a way to "get back" to who she was then.
I can see why some reveiwers have called Rebecca self absorbed (or worse). But that's really the focus of the book. It's not a thriller with a bunch of plot twists, it's about her - her family, her business, her joys, her worries.
While I'm not Rebecca, our personalities I don't think are similar, her life has some amazing similarites to my own: I'm 51, she's 53. In my early 20's I left a perfectly good marriage with a man my age, to marry the love of my life, a man 13 years older, with daughters who lived with us. He later was killed in a car accident. I have 7 grandchildren. I am close to my husband's family, and have occasional e-mails with my ex from 30 yrs ago. I doubt I will ever read another novel with so much of my life story. So probably I looked at it a little different from others.
February 5, 2018
Back When We Were Grownups #B
Putting aside the fact that Anne Tyler is a brilliant writer, and that the realization here - that your life can escape you, that maybe you were actually more mature when you were younger, when you were studious, when you had plans - is sentimental and astute and actually genius, the book itself was just so-so. I was able to race through it pretty quickly, but the characters in the loud, brash, clashing Davitch family were tough to love.
I haven't read Anne Tyler in a very long time, and I wouldn't rush into another sentimental family portrait, but she really is so clever that sometimes it feels her insights are wasted on these kinds of stories. I would have loved to see her, in her career, try on an edgier topic or a more dangerous protagonist.
Putting aside the fact that Anne Tyler is a brilliant writer, and that the realization here - that your life can escape you, that maybe you were actually more mature when you were younger, when you were studious, when you had plans - is sentimental and astute and actually genius, the book itself was just so-so. I was able to race through it pretty quickly, but the characters in the loud, brash, clashing Davitch family were tough to love.
I haven't read Anne Tyler in a very long time, and I wouldn't rush into another sentimental family portrait, but she really is so clever that sometimes it feels her insights are wasted on these kinds of stories. I would have loved to see her, in her career, try on an edgier topic or a more dangerous protagonist.
February 17, 2018
There is the myth of a life of continuous improvement. We all know each person should be independent and strong and that everyone should have the right to fulfill their own personal desires. But those of us who have lived for a while realize how nearly impossible this is and how seldom it actually happens. Portraying that life in all its mundane glory is what this author does best.
"On the screen, Rebecca's face appeared, merry and open and sunlit, and she saw that she really had been having a wonderful time."
"Poppy said. “Because I was always telling him, ‘Look,’ I said. ‘Face it,’ I said. ‘There is no true life. Your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be. You just do the best you can with what you’ve got,’ I said.”"
"On the screen, Rebecca's face appeared, merry and open and sunlit, and she saw that she really had been having a wonderful time."
"Poppy said. “Because I was always telling him, ‘Look,’ I said. ‘Face it,’ I said. ‘There is no true life. Your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be. You just do the best you can with what you’ve got,’ I said.”"
March 4, 2023
I have loved lots of Anne Tyler’s books, but was very disappointed with this one. A clever premise that I can relate to in some ways - that maybe when we are younger we have lots of plans but life can escape us - but I just couldn’t get into the narrative. I found the characters irritating and didn’t warm to any of them.
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