Alltid fucka upp

by Moa Romanova

Moa är i sitt livs värsta kris. Hon har blivit utkastad av sin kille, är sjukskriven och bor med massa papperslösa gubbar ovanpå ett gammalt fryshus i partihallarna, Göteborg. Dessutom har hon panikångest framkallat av att ha rökt spice. Moa söker räddning. Hon vill hitta Händelsen, den som ska förändra hennes liv. Hon pendlar mellan att dagar i sträck ligga sömnlös och passiv, inbäddad i smutskläder och laddarsladdar, för att i nästa stund maniskt söka känslokickar som hon hoppas ska få liv i henne igen. Utöver detta handskas hon med sjukvården, med kompisar som plötsligt är främlingar och en känd mediaman som vill hjälpa henne i hennes konstnärskarriär. Men boken handlar också om att skratta åt alltihop, och slutligen att sakta hitta rätt stigar. Eller åtminstone helt okej stigar.



Moa Romanova Strinnholm studerar andra året på serieskolan i Malmö. Innan dess studerade hon klassiskt måleri på Göteborgs konstskola och trillade in i serieskapandet via klassisk oljemålning. Hon har synts i bland annat Dagens Nyheter, Vice, Bang och Galago. Detta är hennes debut i bokform.

Genres: Graphic Novels, Comics, Memoir, Graphic Novels Comics, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Biography

183 pages, Paperback

First published September 25, 2018

About the author

Moa Romanova is a painter and cartoonist. She lives in Stockholm.

Reviews

[Jon Nakapalau · Rating 5 out of 5]

The 'techno-ennui' of connectivity between devices instead of individuals is explored in this powerful GN that deals with depression. Concepts of individuality drowning in the atavistically ideated 'self' are explored with brutal honesty. Some of the questions raised in this GN could be disturbing; but it does make you think about many questions.

[Марія Маргуліс · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5*
Химерно, але загалом непогано.

[Arja-täti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tässä sarjakuvassa ahdistus, paha olo ja psyykkiset sairaudet tuotiin iholle. Valitettavan usein, tällaiselle ronkelille lukijalle, käsittelytapa on liian siloista ja sellaista yleistä. Nyt lukiessa tunsi, miltä toisesta tuntui.

[Dave Schaafsma · Rating 4 out of 5]

A first graphic novel already translated into several languages by Moa Romanova, who was born in Sweden and published it under a different name and with a different title, translated as AlWays Fucked Up. Feels very consistent with a lot of work being done by Silver Sprocket Press, a lot of work focused on girls and women. Romanova's book is about Moa, a woman practically paralyzed by anxiety and depression, who on the advice of friends and therapists tries to get "out there," and makes a date on Tinder.

The guy, also referred to by his Tinder moniker, Known TV-Guy, happens to be much older than she is, offers to be her patron (because she is an artist), though he is also clearly trying to manipulate her in her vulnerability. Moa has friends, and supportive family, none of whom know exactly how to help her. Some of it is very funny, but because I am reading this while in conversation with several adults dealing with kids in crisis, it was less funny than anxiety-producing for me, but relatable.

It's also a book about communicating on social media, and any kind of tech, which makes it seem relatable, I suppose. Does the tech help someone with anxiety and depression? It's not clear. But there's plenty of distance between characters.

But what makes this work is that the art is inventive and well done, a first book that looks like more than solid comics art. And so many of us can relate to anxious tears during these times. The characters are depicted as sort of futuristic punk, with an eighties vibe. (I don't know anything about the artist, but I wondered if this might be her own story, reflecting back on her time in the eighties? I have no idea). It's not cute, it isn't about beauty,it has surreal characters and moments, it's not a kid comic as it includes nudity and masturbation, but it balances humor with tears. There are references to other comics characters, such as Nancy and Moomin.

Won the 2021 Eisner award for best translation of not US comics.

[Anna Boklys · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Доле моя всратая" Муа Романової - графічний роман про внутрішні переживання, відчуження від соціуму, творчу кризу та, в останню чергу, - про зв'язок зі старшим та дуже відомим чоловіком.

Попри написане в анотації, "Доле моя всратая" - це саморефлексія авторки на свої відчуття під час депресії та панічних атак, що були у неї в юності, а не про стосунки з "відомим чуваком з телевізора, 53". Цей роман - це історія з чорним гумором, політичною сатирою та феміністичним підтекстом.

Муа Романова не прагнула зробити історію про мільйон важливих тем, не прагнула вона й сформувати думку читача на певну тему. Вона лиш показала свої емоції, своє бачення світу й дала теми для роздуму. Це й прекрасно, як на мене. Бо кожен читач знайде щось своє у цій роботі.

Окрім сенсів, рівноправно важливою є й форма історії. Стиль малюнку Романової - ідеальний для оповіді такого штибу, харизматичний та стильОвий. Я дійсно дуже вподобала цей малюнок: від персонажів з великими ногами та маленькими головами, до графічних та геометричних панорам маленьких швецьких містечок.

Я не скажу, що цей графічний роман мене вразив, але точно зацікавив та зачарував своїм стилем малюнку. Хоча попри все, це чудова робота. І я радила б до неї придивитися, бо це щось цікаве та свіже, якщо не за змістом, то за формою.

І про улюблене, (якщо ви вже читали, то зрозумієте): як Романова намалювала "відомого чувака з телевізора, 53" - це сильний образ та яскрава метафора🔥

Окрема подяка перекладачці, адже назву перекладено дуже поетично, я у захваті! В оригіналі "Alltid fucka upp", що найбільш прямо можна перекласти, як "Завжди все просираю". В нас же "Доле моя всратая" - ну й гарно ж! А сенс той самий🌝

[disco · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just loved this.

[Meepelous · Rating 4 out of 5]

I believe the Swedish edition was published in 2018 under a title that seems to translate to Always Fuck Up, with Fantagraphics publishing the English translation in 2020 under this second title. It has now also won the 2021 Eisner award for Best U.S. Edition of International Material.

Content notes for detailed but also desexualized nudity (in my opinion), older actor pursuing younger artist, mental health struggles and cat death.

According to the back of this particular book, "Moa Romanova (b1992) was raised in the north of Sweden (Kramfors) and currently resides in Stockholm with her dog, Uno. She studied painting at the Gothenburg School of Fine Arts and graduated from the Malmo Comic Art School. Goblin Girl, which has been translated into seven languages, is her first graphic novel."

What kinds of keywords came to mind reading this book? Anxiety, friendship, adulting, therapy, dreamscape and unwanted attention.

The goodread's summery, on the other hand, is "A dating site match goes really wrong in this troubling, funny graphic memoir. Things seem to be looking up when Moa Romanova ― broke, depressed, and living in a squat above an old store ― matches with a very famous celebrity on a popular hook-up site. Not only does the 53-year-old man like Moa ― he also immediately validates and motivates her in a way that not even her therapist does, even offering to help financially support her artistic ambitions. However, Moa soon discovers that there are strings attached. Drawn in a style that's de Chirico by way of the '80s, Romanova's relatable graphic memoir is a thought-provoking debut."

The writing for Goblin Girl was pretty immersive; a nice contrast to how much more abstract and expressive the art style got. At least for a nonfiction book, it certainly was not the most abstract art style I've ever seen. I would like to note that I do prefer the original title over Goblin Girl.

Gender and sexuality, while not pondered much throughout the story, are two themes that are hard to escape when a woman writes a "messy" memoir. And while, as the synopsis focuses on, there is a man pursuing a woman throughout much of the memoir - a lot of that happens via text and Romanova's rich inner life and friends helped more then balance things out. For me it came across more as questioning heterosexual norms then anything else. The art style also pushed back against pretty equals good and ugly equals evil tropes. Romanova's inclusion of so much casual and desexualized nudity was also super appreciated, even if I don't feel totally comfortable sharing that on youtube.

Race seemed largely ignored.

Class did come up a bit via the reality of being a working artist in the world.

Ability vs disability was most emphasized through Romanova's struggles with mental health, which are very front and centre throughout.

[Rod Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

Based on the title and the misshapen character designs, I thought I was reading a really slow and weird fantasy novel about a young female goblin set in a strange but modern land for the first 40 or so pages. But then I finally read the back cover to see where this thing was going and it turns out this is an autobiographical work about a teen or twentysomething woman living in Sweden. Oops.

Well, that just made all the stuff about depression, anxiety, panic attacks, substance abuse recovery, and poor life choices super sad. And if the people aren't goblins, why do they look like that?

Anyhow, the author recounts a time in the midst of all her emotional and mental health issues when she was a young artist and was being sexually groomed by a minor celebrity who claimed he wanted to be her patron. Twisted and creepy.

The tone, art, and writing did not suit me, but I can see why this might be relatable or appealing to others.

p.s., Moomin completists may want to know that the author portrays her own mother as Moominmamma.

[Naomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Så rolig och pricksäker dialog. Skrattade högt typ tre gånger! Älskade den.

[Erika · Rating 2 out of 5]

Jag drabbades av någon form av ålderskris när jag läste Alltid fucka upp. Det känns om den här typen av serietecknarestetik ploppar upp som svampar efter regn omkring mig, och jag kommer inte överens med den alls – och det får mig att känna att något sorts generationsgap ligger vidöppet bredvid mig.
Stilen är inte alls oskickligt utförd i Moa Romanovas fall, jag känner bara så starkt att det inte är för mig. Det vilar någon sorts förbannelse över mig och grafiska romaner / noveller – jag klarar inte av att tycka om dem om de inte är utförda i en stil som tilltalar mina ögon och mitt sätt att läsa bilder. Det blev så tydligt när jag läste den här att den lite spretiga berättelsen nog hade fallit mig mer i smaken om den utförts i en annan stil.

[Elizabeth A · Rating 2 out of 5]

2022 Women in Translation readathon book #1.

Translated from the Swedish by Melissa Bowers.

This graphic memoir gets really good ratings/reviews, but it didn't really work for me. The author recounts a period in her life when she is young, broke, depressed, recently sober, and having anxiety attacks. There are various themes explored here, and the tale unfolds via a series of vignettes - hanging out with friends, a dating app connection with a much older TV personality, sessions with her therapist, etc.

It's clear that the emotions are real and raw, but I wasn't a fan of the art - cool usage of colors, but the illustration style was a not to my taste. Everyone is drawn as she is on the cover - huge body, hands, feet, tiny head. Could be that she was feeling that way, but then why would everyone be drawn in a similar manner?

This is an adult comic, but maybe would work better for younger end of new adult readers (18-30). There were times I simply wanted to give Moa a good shake - make better choices! - and while I wish her well, this isn't for me.

[bettina blocksberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this! This is definitely one of the best graphic novels I have ever read. "IdentiKid" is an autobiographical (I guess, since the main character's name is the same as the author's) story about growing up, mental illness, finding yourself in a period of your life where you actually know nothing. The art style was beautiful, the colours and the textures were beautiful. Instead of having an elaborate plot, the story focuses on the main character's issues. I know I am repeating myself, but I loved it!

[Mateen Mahboubi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goblin Girl is super cool and deserves to be treated better than what she gets from that weird Known TV-Guy. A rad comic exploring dating, mental health and getting through life. The style gives off some Michael DeForge vibes but still stands on its own as a unique volume. Looking forward to reading more of Romanova's work in the future.

[Sebastian Lönnlöv · Rating 4 out of 5]

Extremt snyggt tecknat!

[Alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yessss❤️

[Didrik Larsson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Andra gången jag läser. Den är toppen, riktigt snygg!

[Mary Lennox · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75

[Vanya Hrynkiv · Rating 2 out of 5]

Читається швидко, але історія не супер сильно захоплива й розкрита, але ще один автобіографічна історія

[Seizure Romero · Rating 3 out of 5]

Goblin Girl was originally published in Sweden under the title Alltid fucka upp, which Google translates as 'always fuck up.' The Danish translation is Fucker hele tiden op ('fucks up all the time'). The French version is Toujours tout foutre en l'air ('always screw it up'), the Finnish is Paniikkiprinsessa (I'm just going to summon my Polyglot Powers and suggest 'panicky princess' without even checking). While not directly related to fuck-upery, it is still appropriate.

The German is IdentiKid. Huh?

Maybe Goblin Girl was chosen for the English translation because we live in a society where a substantial segment of the population wake up in the morning wondering what they're going to be offended by today. Whatever the reason, I'm guessing it has confused at least a few fantasy nerds and annoyed some of the D&D crowd when they find no actual goblins were involved in the making of this graphic novel.

[Audrey A · Rating 5 out of 5]

Art is so good!! I <3 big hands. One of those graphics novels that uses the medium super effectively and tells a story that couldn’t be told through prose.

[Vartika · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a non-fiction graphic memoir about a young artist who is overwhelmed by depression and finds solace in a significantly older (and famous) dating app match who agrees to be her patron...until he doesn't. I enjoyed the art style – refreshingly desexualised nudity – and was really quite taken by how well Romanova captures her sense of disconnection from her peers: as someone trying to keep it together while battling mental illness, as an addict in recovery, and as someone with experience of the slippery slope of psychiatry. However (and I do feel bad saying this about an autobiographical piece), the overall storyline felt somewhat flat considering its place in a media landscape oversaturated with work on the same themes. It was over just as it was getting started!

[Spinkarn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Älskade den! Scenen hos psykologen var otroligt rolig. Usch jag hatar psykologer!

[Sole]

Me encantó gráficamente pero creo que estoy demasiado saturada de estas historietas sobre veinteañeres muy encerrados en sí mismes, con trastorno de ansiedad, problemas de drogas y vínculos disfuncionales. Debo haber leído unas diez historias parecidas a esta. Están todas bien pero me cansó el tema.

[Kasia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best graphic novels I’ve read. The illustrations and drawings are amazing, but the narrative is a really keyed-in representation of being a young woman, dating, living, struggling with mental health — it has such clarity and I found it hilarious, uncanny, and so relatable

[Vanja B · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kul och jobbig men läst så många liknande? :( sorry men. Scenen i duschen hemma hos Sarah Klang får fem stjärnor dock

[Lena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Skön.

[evelina · Rating 4 out of 5]

(A Swedish Graphic Novel)

Riktigt bra, både rolig och sorglig på samma gång. Älskar stilen.

[Petra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worrying at how relatable it was at times

[streuselschnecka · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, despite the rather abstract style, the whole thing felt like reality. It hit me on so many levels, sometimes it felt like my head, this is how I felt when I left my family home for university. The main character struggles with panic attacks, which are strongly linked to loneliness despite being in a crowd of people, lack of future prospects, the fear of being underestimated, or even mediocre at your job and a general fear of adulthood. She goes to a therapist but wants to run away because she finds it so hard to help herself. She avoids commitment and responsibility for herself. The very character design of Goblin Girl seems like a clumsy, nondescript mass - someone who doesn't like herself, as if she hasn't grown into her body. The dating plot, although quite important, is, in my opinion, secondary. More important is its tone, and its consequences - it shows the distance between people, despite the apparent closeness, and how social media affects our communication and mental health. What am I doing here? How did I get here and how is it possible that I suddenly have so much responsibility? Sometimes we are so lost that all we want to do is go back to our mum and feel safe under her wings again.

[Marika Oksa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Koskettava ja herkkä kirja paniikkihäiriösta. Kuvitustyyli on outo ja erikoinen, mutta sopii aiheeseen.