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Swimming Upstream, Slowly
After too many vodka tonics at her best friend's baby shower, twenty-seven-year-old Sasha finds herself having a ladies' room epiphany. How quickly life can change, she thinks to one minute she's writing a master's thesis about a TV comedy show for kids–and the next, the program actually gets optioned with her as the star. But Sasha’s awe at the twists of fate proves to be premature. The real shock comes the next day, when her routine visit to the ob-gyn reveals that she’s pregnant—even though she hasn't slept with anyone in more than two years.
To her unbelieving ears comes the doctor’s Sasha’s body has unwittingly hosted a cellular hitchhiker, a medical anomaly known as “lazy sperm.” And now that this plodding genetic contribution has finally fulfilled its destiny, it will be up to Sasha to summon the courage to revisit her past loves even as her future slowly takes shape inside her. Which of her exes will be the father and how will he take the astounding news? And what will the end of the mystery mean to Sasha? The answers are revealed in this wonderfully inventive debut about the bonds that linger between people even after they part ways, and how the future can change in the twitch of a tail.
To her unbelieving ears comes the doctor’s Sasha’s body has unwittingly hosted a cellular hitchhiker, a medical anomaly known as “lazy sperm.” And now that this plodding genetic contribution has finally fulfilled its destiny, it will be up to Sasha to summon the courage to revisit her past loves even as her future slowly takes shape inside her. Which of her exes will be the father and how will he take the astounding news? And what will the end of the mystery mean to Sasha? The answers are revealed in this wonderfully inventive debut about the bonds that linger between people even after they part ways, and how the future can change in the twitch of a tail.
240 pages, Paperback
First published September 12, 2006
6 people are currently reading
122 people want to read
About the author
Melissa Clark
4 books21 followersMelissa Clark is the author of the novels "Imperfect," "Swimming Upstream, Slowly," and "Bear Witness." She created the animated television show, "Braceface" which starred Alicia Silverstone and ran for 5 seasons on ABC Family. Melissa wrote and created the scripted kid's podcast, "Becoming Mother Nature," which can be heard wherever you get your podcasts, as well as created/wrote/produced the podcast "Grandma For President." Melissa works as a private writing/ creativity coach. See her website for more details.
www.melissaclarkwrites.com
www.melissaclarkwrites.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
May 24, 2008
Here's an interesting idea (or horrifying, depending on who you are~like me, just as a for instance):
Let's just say you're a woman (with me so far?), haven't had sex for a few years, and suddenly find yourself pregnant. Impossible, you say. Not so, says Melissa Clark, or rather her novel Swimming Upstream, Slowly does. It’s a premise for much thought, to say the very least. The book itself is also quite entertaining, if light fare (and every now and then~even a bit more now than then, we need some light fare in our lives~but I can only speak for myself, of course.)
So, Sasha Salter, is the woman in question, the star and producer of a highly successful children’s educational television show (the upshot of her Master’s thesis in educational psychology no less) with a platonic male best friend (who isn’t gay {?!?}) and no boyfriend in sight. A routine ob/gyn visit reveals her with child state and the search for the would-be father ensues (apparently it’s not just the most recent culprit but her entire sexual history which is luckily not phone book length.)Believe it or not, there are a few predictable plot points (but then again how many stories are there in the naked city REALLY~i REFUSE to believe it’s one million~okay so i may be feeling a little punchy here) but i did really like this book. Although i must take issue with the fact that Sasha saw Jeff Daniels in Los Angeles picking up his dry cleaning when anyone who is really in the know would know that he is running around the streets of Ann Arbor (as he lives in nearby Chelsea~even if he was in LA filming a movie, say, he would have “people” to pick up his dry-cleaning, right?) running into people on sidewalks (to the point of almost knocking them over) without even apologizing. I was a huge fan (almost to the point of infatuation~forget Almost~he was THE MAN for much of my early- to mid-twenties~Something Wild, anyone?) until I was nearly flat on my back, sans said apology and thinking "Hey, Jeff Daniels just ran into me!" (like, damn that Jeff Daniels he's always doing things like that...) Then i thought, "HEY, Jeff Daniels just ran into me! (like, damn, that Jeff Daniels...)
Anyway…
Didn’t really detract from the novel, though…
Let's just say you're a woman (with me so far?), haven't had sex for a few years, and suddenly find yourself pregnant. Impossible, you say. Not so, says Melissa Clark, or rather her novel Swimming Upstream, Slowly does. It’s a premise for much thought, to say the very least. The book itself is also quite entertaining, if light fare (and every now and then~even a bit more now than then, we need some light fare in our lives~but I can only speak for myself, of course.)
So, Sasha Salter, is the woman in question, the star and producer of a highly successful children’s educational television show (the upshot of her Master’s thesis in educational psychology no less) with a platonic male best friend (who isn’t gay {?!?}) and no boyfriend in sight. A routine ob/gyn visit reveals her with child state and the search for the would-be father ensues (apparently it’s not just the most recent culprit but her entire sexual history which is luckily not phone book length.)Believe it or not, there are a few predictable plot points (but then again how many stories are there in the naked city REALLY~i REFUSE to believe it’s one million~okay so i may be feeling a little punchy here) but i did really like this book. Although i must take issue with the fact that Sasha saw Jeff Daniels in Los Angeles picking up his dry cleaning when anyone who is really in the know would know that he is running around the streets of Ann Arbor (as he lives in nearby Chelsea~even if he was in LA filming a movie, say, he would have “people” to pick up his dry-cleaning, right?) running into people on sidewalks (to the point of almost knocking them over) without even apologizing. I was a huge fan (almost to the point of infatuation~forget Almost~he was THE MAN for much of my early- to mid-twenties~Something Wild, anyone?) until I was nearly flat on my back, sans said apology and thinking "Hey, Jeff Daniels just ran into me!" (like, damn that Jeff Daniels he's always doing things like that...) Then i thought, "HEY, Jeff Daniels just ran into me! (like, damn, that Jeff Daniels...)
Anyway…
Didn’t really detract from the novel, though…
August 24, 2017
quick read. couldn't connect to any of the characters.
November 10, 2022
Swimming Upstream, Slowly Clark, Melissa 3 F Drama funny character's TV star gets pregnant after no sex for 2 years learns deal w/ shock w/ friend & finds love w/ one 2015 2/13/2015
January 4, 2025
Quick read, in a rushed way . I couldn’t connect to any of the characters. Weird dialogue
August 6, 2015
Sasha Salter is the creator and star of big, new hit kids show: Please Pass the Salter. The show is sky-rocketed her into the world of fame. Parents and children alike approach her for autographs, she's getting interviewed and photographed for multiple magazines, and the awards and good reviews continue to pour in. Despite the fact that her entire career and livelihood is centered on kids, Sasha is completely fine with being unmarried and childless. She doesn't have time for a relationship much less kids of her own. That is until she gets unexpected news at her yearly gynecological visit; she's pregnant, despite the fact that she hasn't had sex in two years. She is told that the cause of this is a lazy sperm or "lazicum spermatozoa" from one of her previous sexual partners finding home in her very hospitable reproductive system and remaining there for who knows how long until, viola, she gets pregnant. Now, Sasha must take the time out of her busy schedule to track down all of her previous sexual encounters to see who the father is and decide whether this new scientific discovery is worth the hassle of childbirth.
Writing the synopsis makes me ask myself why I picked this book up in the first place. Perhaps it was because the cover was an inviting blue with a very relaxed looking woman blowing bubbles. Perhaps it was because it was free and short. Perhaps I was a little bit intrigued how Melissa Clark would handle an issue as bizzare and poorly named as lazicum spematozoa. Having finished it I can easily say she did not handle it well at all.
The premise is absolutely ridiculous and it remained this way throughout most of the novel. But even when I tried to ignore the ridiculous premise, I could not ingore the poor writing and poor character development, or lack thereof. Sasha Salter's character is almost as ridiculous as lazy sperm. For a character who's thesis at a fairly profound university has been turned into an award winning tv show, Sasha says a lot of really dumb things, especially when it comes to her visit with her gynecologist. And her show, Please Pass the Salter, is not described in a way that at all makes it seem like the "best kids show ever!!!" The book relies on ridiculous cliches, mainly involving Sasha's past flings; she has a relationship with her professor, her best friend's brother, and her best friend (not the aforementioned best friend with the brother). The relationship with her professor was uncomfortably racist- she continually refers to him as "the indian." The relationship with her best friend's brother is gross- when she first makes out with him, she remembers when she saw his penis when he was still a baby and that turns her on which is incredibly fucked up and weird. Her future relationship with her best friend is obvious from the beginning but there is no build up or tension. When they kiss, it comes out of nowhere and not in the good way. There is no heat on the page or chemistry. If I'm going to sit through a badly written romance novel, I atleast would like my two romantic leads to have good chemistry. The writing, like I said, is terrible. At one point, the book states "It was succient and to the point" (and yes, that was how succinct was spelled, at least in my copy of the book). Succinct literally means to the point. You just stated the same thing twice!! And then the author quotes Sylvia Plath-- the quote does not show up in any web search except as a quote from this book which makes me wonder if that quote does in fact exist.
Anyway, I carried away a bit with the last part but this book kept pissing me off. I would not recommend for anyone. If you want beach reads, find something from the romance section but don't turn to this. I beg you.
Writing the synopsis makes me ask myself why I picked this book up in the first place. Perhaps it was because the cover was an inviting blue with a very relaxed looking woman blowing bubbles. Perhaps it was because it was free and short. Perhaps I was a little bit intrigued how Melissa Clark would handle an issue as bizzare and poorly named as lazicum spematozoa. Having finished it I can easily say she did not handle it well at all.
The premise is absolutely ridiculous and it remained this way throughout most of the novel. But even when I tried to ignore the ridiculous premise, I could not ingore the poor writing and poor character development, or lack thereof. Sasha Salter's character is almost as ridiculous as lazy sperm. For a character who's thesis at a fairly profound university has been turned into an award winning tv show, Sasha says a lot of really dumb things, especially when it comes to her visit with her gynecologist. And her show, Please Pass the Salter, is not described in a way that at all makes it seem like the "best kids show ever!!!" The book relies on ridiculous cliches, mainly involving Sasha's past flings; she has a relationship with her professor, her best friend's brother, and her best friend (not the aforementioned best friend with the brother). The relationship with her professor was uncomfortably racist- she continually refers to him as "the indian." The relationship with her best friend's brother is gross- when she first makes out with him, she remembers when she saw his penis when he was still a baby and that turns her on which is incredibly fucked up and weird. Her future relationship with her best friend is obvious from the beginning but there is no build up or tension. When they kiss, it comes out of nowhere and not in the good way. There is no heat on the page or chemistry. If I'm going to sit through a badly written romance novel, I atleast would like my two romantic leads to have good chemistry. The writing, like I said, is terrible. At one point, the book states "It was succient and to the point" (and yes, that was how succinct was spelled, at least in my copy of the book). Succinct literally means to the point. You just stated the same thing twice!! And then the author quotes Sylvia Plath-- the quote does not show up in any web search except as a quote from this book which makes me wonder if that quote does in fact exist.
Anyway, I carried away a bit with the last part but this book kept pissing me off. I would not recommend for anyone. If you want beach reads, find something from the romance section but don't turn to this. I beg you.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 30, 2014
This is one of those fun and quick reads. It does move along in an upbeat way, and I liked getting the inside scoop on how a kids' show would really work. I had a hard time getting invested in Sasha's life in the beginning, though, because her world is so foreign to me.
The concept behind this novel is definitely unique. It's an interesting idea to go revisit old boyfriends and see their past influence in your life. There was a bit of growth in Sasha when she has to dredge up old memories. I would have liked each relationship to be explored further, but every male was relegated to a short section per interview.
The "lazy sperm" idea is interesting, but medically, I wasn't quite convinced that it would really work. I just needed to swallow my disbelief to immerse myself in this comical storyline. Although I liked the authentic romance at the core of this novel, I just couldn't believe that the male lead would be interested in Sasha (particularly because of how she typically treats him).
I felt two ways about the ending. It seemed too smooth sailing for Sasha in how the journalist responds in the conclusion of the book. I did, though, like the very end of the story, which is unconventional. It's a way of affirming that life has its twists and turns, but we can enjoy it all, even the very weird and wonderful.
The concept behind this novel is definitely unique. It's an interesting idea to go revisit old boyfriends and see their past influence in your life. There was a bit of growth in Sasha when she has to dredge up old memories. I would have liked each relationship to be explored further, but every male was relegated to a short section per interview.
The "lazy sperm" idea is interesting, but medically, I wasn't quite convinced that it would really work. I just needed to swallow my disbelief to immerse myself in this comical storyline. Although I liked the authentic romance at the core of this novel, I just couldn't believe that the male lead would be interested in Sasha (particularly because of how she typically treats him).
I felt two ways about the ending. It seemed too smooth sailing for Sasha in how the journalist responds in the conclusion of the book. I did, though, like the very end of the story, which is unconventional. It's a way of affirming that life has its twists and turns, but we can enjoy it all, even the very weird and wonderful.
May 23, 2008
I had such high hopes for this book, I really did. But as soon as she gave us the "technical" term for Sasha's problem - specifically "Lazicum Spermatozoa" I started to laugh. Really? REALLY? You expect us to believe in something so obviously made up?!
The basis of the story was good - she gets knocked up from lazy sperm - any one of her previous 8 boyfriends could be the father. I felt sorry for Sasha having to deal with this at the beginning of her career as a TV star for kids, and felt badly that she had to contact each of her exes and give them the crazy news.
I can't really comment on specific characters without spoiling the book - but I *can* say that I really did hate some of the characters, and then others I loved.
So my final review is that the book itself was good - the only thing that had me disliking it was the STUPID technical name that the author gave the condition. It would have helped to make it something readers could believe in a bit more.
The basis of the story was good - she gets knocked up from lazy sperm - any one of her previous 8 boyfriends could be the father. I felt sorry for Sasha having to deal with this at the beginning of her career as a TV star for kids, and felt badly that she had to contact each of her exes and give them the crazy news.
I can't really comment on specific characters without spoiling the book - but I *can* say that I really did hate some of the characters, and then others I loved.
So my final review is that the book itself was good - the only thing that had me disliking it was the STUPID technical name that the author gave the condition. It would have helped to make it something readers could believe in a bit more.
August 8, 2013
Weirdest way to have an unexpected pregnancy! The idea of having to contact all of these guys you slept with to find out which one is the father is a scary idea. What if it happens to be the guy you wished you hadn't slept with? What if it's the one who would want to marry you JUST to make it "proper"? Or would you go through all that just to decide that you'd rather the actual father not know; build a life with someone you love and raise the child together? It's up for debate but I think she made the best decision for herself in the end.
July 3, 2008
I went into this expecting that it wouldn't be that good based on a prior review.
I was pleasantly surprised! I was prepared for the stupid medical condition name, so I was able to over look that and really get into the story.
It was a cute and funny look at a very unexpected pregnancy- 2 years after the last time she had sex. I completely fell in love with a couple of characters and totally hated a few too.
And I got my happy-feel good ending too.
I was pleasantly surprised! I was prepared for the stupid medical condition name, so I was able to over look that and really get into the story.
It was a cute and funny look at a very unexpected pregnancy- 2 years after the last time she had sex. I completely fell in love with a couple of characters and totally hated a few too.
And I got my happy-feel good ending too.
June 15, 2009
Stupid, silly, & pointless - and I loved every minute of it. This is the kind of book that you read just to take your mind off of your own life. It is a unique story & I don't know if I would have enjoyed it so much if I were in a more serious mood but I wasn't & I really liked it. I wanted to keep reading it to find out what happened & I kept finding myself reading "just one more chapter" before bed. Fun little book. :)
October 23, 2007
for me, this was a little hard to swallow. The girl is impregnated by old sperm...so it could have been any number of men that knocked her up. This story follows her tracking down the men, and getting a sample from them to find who her "baby daddy" is. Not the best read ever, but not complete crap either.
January 22, 2008
This one is so-so. The storyline is OK, but the basic premise is so far-fetched that it takes away from the OK storyline. Kind of predictable, not very deep...
Just an average book. Thankfully I got it free from someone!
Just an average book. Thankfully I got it free from someone!
January 20, 2008
I thought this was a fun, clever, warm read. Sasha Salter has to retrace her past love life in order to move to a future decision. It almost reads like a mystery novel. Great characters. I found myself cheering for the protagonist, Sasha, as she wades her way through her past. I laughed a lot, too.
September 18, 2008
The reviews I read of this book intrigued me. As some of the other readers felt, the medical term Clark created for lazy sperm brought you out of the book. Overall, it was a good story with likable characters and fun to find out how all the men fit into Sasha's life.
April 25, 2009
Just picked this one up at the library while browsing. Its the first book for this author, and I enjoyed it. It was short, mildy humorous, and the story line unexpected. I'll look forward to anything else that she writes...
July 6, 2015
A little fluffier than what I wanted. Easy to sail through it in an hour or two, but there's not a lot of depth or character development. That said, it's exactly what you want for a mindless beach read.
February 4, 2008
I read this also for book club- super short read with a hilarious plot.
February 10, 2008
A very fun read. Very creative idea!
September 14, 2008
FUN, Fun, book!
September 26, 2008
Great recommendation, Keli! This one had me laughing. I loved it.
July 29, 2009
Not the best chick-fic ever, but kept me entertained.
August 29, 2011
really cute book, kinda disturbing with all the talk about lazy sperm but a good read all in all :)
April 18, 2012
I never finished this book, the character was immediately engaging but the overall premise was too far fetched.
July 9, 2013
This book is an easy read. It is science fiction-like in its premise, but a story is a story and once started, you have to keep reading to find out how it all plays out.
January 13, 2014
I wasn't able to get into this book, didn't complete it. The entire idea of lazy sperm, was just too far fetched!
August 23, 2014
Really enjoyed this book.
November 23, 2014
This book is silly but I still enjoyed reading it. It's pretty funny actually. Great read if you're looking for a fluffy chick book for an afternoon.
August 18, 2016
Super creative premise -- perfect for a breakaway from heavy, dark subject matter.
December 3, 2008
Fun quick read. I finished it in less than 2 days so that's a sign.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews