What do you think?
Rate this book
American Lives
Bigger than Life: A Murder, a Memoir
Nelson Gross led an outsized life—one in which he played many father, brother, husband, politician, entrepreneur. When he was killed by a couple of teenagers in a botched abduction and robbery, the murder shook his family in predictable and terrible ways. For his daughter, Dinah Lenney, the parent of her own young children, the loss sparked a self-reckoning that led to this book, which is both a meditation on grief and a coming of age story. By turns funny and sad, frustrating and fulfilling, her candid memoir conducts readers through marriage and divorce, blended and broken families—and, finally, the kinds of conflict that infect the best of us under the best of circumstances.
In the end, Lenney leaves us with the sense that in spite of extraordinary events—as with most families—it is mutual forgiveness and love that lead us to empathy, acceptance, and the will to carry on.
In the end, Lenney leaves us with the sense that in spite of extraordinary events—as with most families—it is mutual forgiveness and love that lead us to empathy, acceptance, and the will to carry on.
236 pages, Hardcover
First published March 1, 2007
4 people are currently reading
97 people want to read
About the author
Dinah Lenney
12 books35 followersDinah Lenney wrote The Object Parade, Bigger than Life: A Murder, a Memoir, and co-authored Acting for Young Actors. Her prose has been published in many journals and anthologies, among them The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, the Los Angeles Review of Books, Agni, Creative Nonfiction, The Washington Post, the Paris Review Daily, and Brevity. She serves as core faculty for in the Bennington Writing Seminars. Her TED talk is available here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBo-h.... And her new book, COFFEE, is forthcoming from Bloomsbury. http:// www.dinahlenney.com.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
November 19, 2017
After his murder, Lenney processes your relationship with her complicated father - and family. The writing is honest, vulnerable, tender, wise and so skillfully written. She is a master of the graceful sentence. I particularly admire her sophisticated structure.
February 2, 2008
Lenney is a beautiful, funny, deeply human writer. Though her story centers around an extraordinary event, it is full of details recognizable to anyone who has grown up in a mixed-up family.
April 18, 2010
If you're father is murdered, you probably have the makings of a memoir. But Lenney goes beyond the hype and gives a thoughtful look at both her life and her parents' lives.
January 13, 2013
Brave and beautiful.
February 3, 2018
Nelson Gross was a politician in the 60’s/70’s and owned the Binghamton Ferryboat restaurant in New Jersey up until his kidnapping and death in 1997. This book is written by his daughter, Dinah. In this book are many memories, heartfelt thoughts, and hopes for her two children. Dinah shares with us not only her thoughts on her father’s murder, but we also come to know about her upbringing and family. At times, the book seems to be more about how Dinah had a hard time fitting in. Her parents divorced when she was very young. Nelson remarried and had a son. Her mother remarried and had three children. Dinah seems to get along very well with her step-father and three siblings. But it doesn’t seem like Dinah saw much of her father, his wife, and brother. A Christmas where she brings her future husband to meet her father is remembered, and a few times where her father visits with his only grandchildren, her two children are written about. I think this book helped Dinah with her grief, and eventually she was able to tell her children how her father died. I’m sure she has tried to keep in touch with her father’s side of the family as much as possible, even though she lives in California and they are on the east coast.
July 9, 2015
I wanted to like this book more than I did, and I've been trying to sort out why it disappointed me at least a little bit. The book's starting point is the murder of the author's father, a former power-broker in Republican politics and restaurateur who was fairly remote in the author's life. Though the murder gives the author her cause for writing, she wasn't that close to her father and certainly not to his second wife and son by that marriage. The story focuses mainly on the ins and outs of her own life and how it only occasionally included her father. The author, a Hollywood actress, struggles to come to understand what family means and how to explain to her own small children what happened to their grandfather.
But it also includes a lot of criticism of her family members, especially her mother, her father, her step-mother, her half-brother, and her uncles. And that became a problem for me. I just didn't really like any of them that much, not even the poor murdered father. Probably most of what Lenney says about them all is true--and she does give her step-father a lot of credit. Eventually her mother became my favorite character--especially when she notes that she wouldn't be caught dead in a Hummer substitute for a limo. I'm sure that there's a certain value in the honesty Lenney brings to the examination of the long-term consequences of divorce, even all the way to someone's death and after. But she goes too easy on herself to be so hard on others. She even goes so far as to note that one of her uncles started writing a book about her father's murder that "no one was interested in." There were numerous digs like that throughout the book, as well as a constant undercurrent about battles over her father's estate.
And in the passage where she imagines what her father was thinking as his kidnap and murder were taking place, he comes across as racist and arrogant and not very interesting. I wanted to be terrified and moved by that passage, but it just seemed like an inside view of a Law and Order episode. And though Lenney may have been right about her father's assumptions about the two Latino kidnappers "who blabber away in a foreign language, for Christ's sake, abusing their privileges as residents of America" (etc.), she never comments on it, never admits her father's limitations. It's a bad little piece of fiction which should have been more imaginative.
I'm not sorry I read this book. I'm interested in what I term the genre of "crime memoir," but this book is not nearly as good as the first of its kind I read, Strange Piece of Paradise by Terri Jentz. It's good, but not as good as I wished.
But it also includes a lot of criticism of her family members, especially her mother, her father, her step-mother, her half-brother, and her uncles. And that became a problem for me. I just didn't really like any of them that much, not even the poor murdered father. Probably most of what Lenney says about them all is true--and she does give her step-father a lot of credit. Eventually her mother became my favorite character--especially when she notes that she wouldn't be caught dead in a Hummer substitute for a limo. I'm sure that there's a certain value in the honesty Lenney brings to the examination of the long-term consequences of divorce, even all the way to someone's death and after. But she goes too easy on herself to be so hard on others. She even goes so far as to note that one of her uncles started writing a book about her father's murder that "no one was interested in." There were numerous digs like that throughout the book, as well as a constant undercurrent about battles over her father's estate.
And in the passage where she imagines what her father was thinking as his kidnap and murder were taking place, he comes across as racist and arrogant and not very interesting. I wanted to be terrified and moved by that passage, but it just seemed like an inside view of a Law and Order episode. And though Lenney may have been right about her father's assumptions about the two Latino kidnappers "who blabber away in a foreign language, for Christ's sake, abusing their privileges as residents of America" (etc.), she never comments on it, never admits her father's limitations. It's a bad little piece of fiction which should have been more imaginative.
I'm not sorry I read this book. I'm interested in what I term the genre of "crime memoir," but this book is not nearly as good as the first of its kind I read, Strange Piece of Paradise by Terri Jentz. It's good, but not as good as I wished.
November 13, 2013
Dinah Lenney’s Bigger Than Life: A Murder, A Memoir is both cleverly written and moving as she reflects on her father’s murder, the aftermath, and the complex relationships between the two father figures in her life—her biological father and her stepfather. Lenney uses a mix of present and past tense to both reflect on the events and take her audience back in time to the moments they occur, allowing readers to experience the events alongside her. The technique creates an emotional connection between Lenney and her audience as instead of merely baring witness to her past feelings of pain and loss.
She begins with a prologue with the subtext “Eliza Wants to Know,” detailing the curiosity of her oldest child and her own anxiety of finally telling her children the truth about their grandfather’s death. From here, the pieces slowly fall into place as Lenney begins to drop details concerning the murder before bringing the audience back in time to the day she first received the phone call from her half-brother.
What ultimately makes Lenney’s book so compelling is that it is a story not only about loss, but also the aftermath of loss and the path to healing. Lenney’s story doesn’t come to a close after the full details of her father’s death are revealed, but years later when she finally begins to heal from the ordeal. Furthermore, the novel comes full circle as she returns to the dilemma introduced in the first chapter: telling her children the truth about their grandfather’s death. Moving and highly compelling, Lenney’s strength transfers to the reader as they make the journey with her.
By Bianca Peterson
She begins with a prologue with the subtext “Eliza Wants to Know,” detailing the curiosity of her oldest child and her own anxiety of finally telling her children the truth about their grandfather’s death. From here, the pieces slowly fall into place as Lenney begins to drop details concerning the murder before bringing the audience back in time to the day she first received the phone call from her half-brother.
What ultimately makes Lenney’s book so compelling is that it is a story not only about loss, but also the aftermath of loss and the path to healing. Lenney’s story doesn’t come to a close after the full details of her father’s death are revealed, but years later when she finally begins to heal from the ordeal. Furthermore, the novel comes full circle as she returns to the dilemma introduced in the first chapter: telling her children the truth about their grandfather’s death. Moving and highly compelling, Lenney’s strength transfers to the reader as they make the journey with her.
By Bianca Peterson
April 2, 2014
I thought bigger than life a good book, it's about a murder, her father's and a memoir; and it all fit. I found her book because I went to Vroman's for a local reading of students from the Master of Professional Writing program at USC. Ms. Lenney is a member of the core faculty. she is co-author of Acting For Young Actors, and is on core faculty for Bennington Writing Seminars, and also the Rainier Writng Workshop. Dina Lenney is no slouch and she read from her latest book, which I hope will come out soon.
Personally, she vibrant, confident, down to earth and a good presenter. I liked the book a lot, because I am a memoir addict, but the writing must be good. No small task, this murder, and her surrounding family life. She renders it well.
Book is by University of Nebraska press, Lincoln ne 68588-0630,bisonbooks.com
Personally, she vibrant, confident, down to earth and a good presenter. I liked the book a lot, because I am a memoir addict, but the writing must be good. No small task, this murder, and her surrounding family life. She renders it well.
Book is by University of Nebraska press, Lincoln ne 68588-0630,bisonbooks.com
November 10, 2015
As a non-American, I wasn't sure I'd like this book, which had been recommended to me by American friends. Turns out I couldn't put it down.
I enjoyed the clear, precise writing the most. Of course, Mr. Gross is at the center of the book, but many family members were terribly interesting too.
Just made me wonder, how do you tell such personal stories without alienating your family members, let alone not getting sued? I suppose Ms. Lenney must have made her peace with the potential consequences (e.g. potential breaking of ties with half-brother and uncles) before she approached editors. I'm glad she did.
I wished she would have shared earlier on in the book why and when she changed her surname to Lenney. Surely a lot of thinking and emotions must have gone into this decision, but very little was said about it.
I enjoyed the clear, precise writing the most. Of course, Mr. Gross is at the center of the book, but many family members were terribly interesting too.
Just made me wonder, how do you tell such personal stories without alienating your family members, let alone not getting sued? I suppose Ms. Lenney must have made her peace with the potential consequences (e.g. potential breaking of ties with half-brother and uncles) before she approached editors. I'm glad she did.
I wished she would have shared earlier on in the book why and when she changed her surname to Lenney. Surely a lot of thinking and emotions must have gone into this decision, but very little was said about it.
July 17, 2008
My highest praise is for the elegant structure of this book and its delicate weave of personal themes. I was impressed by the challenge the author took on, of deconstructing her psychic conflicts within the dramatic context of this awful incident, her father's murder. Lenney owns up to her own obsessions, and I had no trouble understanding them.
July 31, 2014
This book is centered around the tragic event of her father's murder. Her father seemed extremely interesting but it was hard to connect with the daughter. It picked up around chapter 27, but was very slow until then.
September 4, 2012
Strong literary voice. Great job capturing families in all their glory and messiness, the self-doubts we’re all susceptible to, the neediness, the narcissism, the grace, the goodness. Nicely structured with authentic and lively prose. An excellent read about grief and tragedy and being human.
April 29, 2008
Good Memoir, especially in learning how to deal with a loss.
August 21, 2008
Lenney teaches in my MFA program, a GREAT writer. If you are in to memoir this book is for you. Riviting, touching, insightful, and all told in wonderful language.
November 18, 2012
In a word: brilliant. More thorough review to come.
Want to Read
April 25, 2015Festival of Books 2015
May 31, 2015
Manages to tell a unique story while touching on many universal insights. Crisp writing.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews