Dear Mother: Poems on the hot mess of motherhood

by Bunmi Laditan

The first collection of poetry from Bunmi Laditan, bestselling author of Confessions of a Domestic Failure and creator of The Honest Toddler , capturing the honesty, rawness, sheer joy and total madness of motherhood. With the compassion and wit that have made her a social media sensation among mothers around the world, Bunmi Laditan puts into evocative and relatable words what so many of us feel but can’t quite express. For mothers who love their children with a fiery fierceness but know what it is to feel crushed at the end of those long days, Dear Mother is like a warm hug that says, “I get it.”

Genres: Poetry, Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Canada, Humor, Adult

224 pages, Paperback

First published April 2, 2019

About the author

Hello, my name is Bunmi Laditan. I am a writer living in Quebec, Canada by way of northern California. My writings include The Honest Toddler and Confessions of a Domestic failure and poetry such as Dear Mother and Dear God: Honest Prayers to a God Who Listens.

instagram.com/HonestToddler

facebook.com/BunmiKLaditan

Reviews

[destiny ♡ howling libraries · Rating 3 out of 5]

The audacity of a child's
demands for love
are only matched
by the ridiculous depths
of the love their parents
have for them.

Dear Mother wasn't exactly what I was expecting, in good ways and bad. Having followed the author on Facebook for the last couple of years, I'm used to her hilarious, crude, weird status updates, so I honestly expected this to be a funny collection of anecdotes about her kids and her reactions to their zaniness. Instead, I got a collection that was 10% humor, 90% utter seriousness.

to make a two-year-old,
combine one puppy
one incontinent octopus
and a single juice box-loving gangster
mix until it starts slapping

The humorous parts, short as they were, were pretty good, though not on par with her everyday updates — to be fair, I guess it's not easy to write side-splitting poetry! That said, there were a few gems that made me smile (or laugh out loud, like the quote above).

dear mother,

no
they would not
be better off
without
you

While I was mostly disappointed to see how serious it was, there were a few poems (like this one) that really hit me in the gut and made me sit still and soak it in for a minute, and I appreciated those moments tremendously. I always heard people say parenthood was the hardest job you could have, and I thought it was an exaggeration until I started living it. The guilt and feelings of self-inadequacy I live with every single day? Those are hard to breathe through. Bunmi gets it, though, and she offers some incredible reassurances that ended up being exactly what I needed to hear today.

All in all, it's not my favorite book I've read on life as a parent, and it's nothing ground-breaking, but it's got a lot of enjoyable poems and I think most mothers, or parents in general, will find it easy to relate to.

All quotes come from an advance copy and may not match the final release. Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with this ARC in exchange for an honest review!

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the book I didn’t know I needed. If you are a mother and you struggle with loving yourself, your kids, your life-this book is for you. It won’t fix anything but it will help you feel less alone.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Harlequin for allowing me to review this beautiful book of poetry. Dear Mother by Bunmi Laditan is available April 4, 2019.

Bunmi Laditan is maybe better known for her Honest Toddler tweets. She has always been the most honest about the struggles and massive amounts of yourself that goes into motherhood. I love her honesty online, taking pictures of her pizza delivery after grocery shopping, the piles of laundry that live on her sofa, and the daily struggles of trying to live a life and feed a 3 year old.
If you are a mother, these poems show the real truth. The love she has for her kids balanced with the daily struggle to just keep your shit together is showcased in beautiful poetry.
Dear Mother is a must read for every parent who needs to feel seen and who is overwhelmed by the volume of worries and massive amounts of love these little people bring to our lives.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed, I cried (a LOT), and felt so seen and celebrated reading these poems. This is a new side to Bunmi Laditan and it's as tender as beautiful as her previous books are hilarious.

[Erica · Rating 4 out of 5]

A couple of these poems hit my right in the feels. I nodded my head a LOT.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed this. ❤

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every mother should read this book. It's marvellous balm for the soul. It made me laugh but it also made me cry. Well done!

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

I LOVED this book. I’ve been trying to find poetry that speaks to me - that doesn’t feel like a disenchanted teenager raging against the machine. A literature professor once talked about how poetry is for the heart, not the head; and this collection really felt like forgiveness, love, wonder, warmth, and acceptance all in one beautiful package.

I have a good friend who’s pregnant with her first child, and I plan to give her a copy. I wish this book had been around when I was in that boat 17 years ago. I love that this book can be there for her, telling her that it’s ok to figure it out as she goes.

Great big thanks to the author for being comfortable sharing her worries, her fears and doubts, along with the treasure of motherhood.

[Keegan Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've just finished this book yesterday, and I want to buy it for my mom friends who suffer from anxiety or depression, who have lost children through miscarriage or death, who have struggled in their marriage, who sometimes despise their bodies, who sometimes struggle in motherhood, who love their children fiercely, in short, for every mother I know. ❤

[Alana · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first true 5/5 read of the year. This was a wonderful book of poetry about motherhood - its ups, downs, and everything in between. I teared up several times and really felt the honesty in all the poems.
As someone who has struggled with perinatal mental health issues I really appreciate the vulnerability Bunmi shows in her poetry about motherhood.
This is a book I will be sharing with other moms.

[Sara Gividen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much. It's a very quick read. I laughed and cried while reading it. I felt like it was medicine for the (my) mother mind. Beautiful, accurate, and at times hilarious depictions of motherly love, strength, exhaustion, anxiety, depression, miscarriage, and the, as Bunmi calls it, "hot mess."

[Liz W · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed out loud so many times and felt all the other feels while listening to Bahni Turpin read these delightful poems. So much resonated with me. Thank you, Bunmi Laditan!

[Mehsi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this book from Netgalley in exchange of an honest review.

So I tried this one yesterday, but believe me it was a terrible idea. My kindle just ate this one to pieces, destroying illustrations, poems didn’t make sense as they were all tumbled together. But yeah, I was in bed, so I didn’t have a chance to read it another way. Until today. I just downloaded it to my PC, and voila it was readable. However, I did find out that I don’t like most poems even though they are now way more readable.

I was very eager about this book, I read her other book: Toddlers Are A**holes: It’s Not Your Fault and also saw a few of her tweets in the Big Book of Parenting Tweets. Of course I couldn’t resist this bundle of poems, parenting poems. Sadly, whereas I love her writing style, the poems often didn’t work out for me. I am trying to write why, but I am just too worried I will get people angry. But here we go. They were too fancy, and with that I mean there were lots of big words used, or complex sentences (even with simpler words). I didn’t feel a flow in a bunch of the poems, and I know that I even tuned out of some because it just didn’t seem to go anywhere.

But there were others that worked for me, that I liked. Mostly they were the shorter ones.

The poems cover a wide variety of being a parent. From birth (and still-birth) to seeing them grow up, to enjoying the quiet at times, to partners and relationships. I really liked that there was so much variety added, not just about the children, but also about the mom, the dad, the family, about expectations.

I am still giving this one two stars. Because there were poems/short verses that I liked, plus the idea of parenting tweets is unique and interesting. Also there were illustrations and I always like it when those are added.

Review first posted at https://twirlingbookprincess.com/

[Ren Morton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best collections of poetry on motherhood I’ve ever read. The first chapter on love literally made me weepy so closely it described how I feel about my children. The second chapter on laughter made me laugh so hard it brought tears to my eyes. Poetry like this reminds me that I’m not alone, giving song to the most poignant moments of parenting.

The rest of the chapters offer something for every type of parent- perfectly organized to allow for a rise and fall of emotions that takes you through the experience of parenting/mothering while also providing cathartic release.

All this I read and wrote while nestling my newborn to me, sitting in a public library, the first time I left the house all week.

[Sara Sweeney · Rating 5 out of 5]

So perfect. Good for new mothers and old ones too

Loved it. Laughed. Cried. Smiled. Sighed. Great mothers day gift, shower gift, or even just because gift. I feel seen.

[Lauren M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a mother, in any capacity, I cannot recommend this enough. Some of the poems will make you laugh, some will make you cry, some will make you think, and smile. So much beauty wrapped up in motherhood, Bunmi does an excellent job at expressing it all.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

It made me cry on one page and laugh on the next. I know I will reread this collection many times.

[Leah Ratchford · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a nice collection of short poems about motherhood.
I was pleasantly surprised by the words, so many relatable.
A few even put the words on paper that I've had a hard time articulating myself.

One of my favorites:

"will they remember all the yelling?
or the morning hugs and kisses?
the s'mores on the camping trips?
or the massive stacks of dishes?
that I was always tired?
or the way a mud pie squishes?
take the best
discard the rest
for that is what my wish is."

[Leigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! It’s honest, funny and has somehow tapped into my truest feelings about motherhood. Brave mothers who lay themselves bare for us in this way, give us an extraordinary gift. Bunmi Laditan is a powerhouse of an author.

[Laura Malysewich · Rating 5 out of 5]

These poems are beautiful, heart wrenching, hilarious, and wonderful. Laditan perfectly describes motherhood and marriage within these pieces. I immediately recommended this book to all my mom friends.

[Zara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of these poems are really just one liner jokes, some are kind of obvious and mundane, but some got at a true, deep, raw nugget of what it feels like to be a mother.

[Megan Dittrich-Reed · Rating 3 out of 5]

So, I give this book a 4 for relatability and honesty and a 2 for execution. I really enjoy Bunmi Laditan's humor and raw real takes on motherhood online, and I definitely resonated with most of the sentiments she expresses in these poems. One or two of them even made me tear up.

My issues with the book are 1. Many of the poems are repetitive. She hits on the exact same topics several times, often without even changing the wording much. 2. As poems...they're just not very good. As internet statuses or short blog musings, these are great little nuggets. I just don't think they're terribly poetic. Call me snobby, but I don't think you can take a great twitter thread, format it into short stanzas, and publish it in a book of poetry. That's just not what it is. It has nothing to do with the pedestrian nature of the material (there are thousands of gorgeous, honest poems out there about the glories and drudgery of motherhood). The execution just isn't poetic. Her style is not appreciably different from her Honest Toddler style, and the vocabulary she uses in these "poems" is so colloquial (which is fine) and limited (which is not) that you really could cut 2/3 of them and you wouldn't miss a single topic.

In the future, I'll stick to her humorous prose as I really feel that's her strong suit.

[Summer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a books of poetry, something I haven’t picked up since school. Like, grade school. Probably the last book of poetry I read was by Shel Silverstein. I was interested in this because Bunmi Laditan used to post hilarious things on Facebook about how difficult it is to parent toddlers. I was surprised, then, to find myself on the verge of sobbing about my kids leaving childhood behind or succeeding in spite of whatever mistakes I make with them whenever I opened this book. My guess is that Laditan’s kids grew past their terrible twos and she began then to wax eloquent on missing the sweet moments between the laughable decrees of her tiny evil dictators. Her Facebook page now is all spiritual stuff, so it’s clear she’s moved out of the dry-shampoo, spit-up survival mode and into a higher tier of Maslow’s hierarchy.

This book is for moms who like to cry. That’s not me, but I am compelled to give it five stars for the way Laditan moved me to tears over and over. I had to pick through it very carefully, in small doses. I recommend this book *only* if you’re one of those moms who’s always posting about asking the dust and cobwebs to hush while you cuddle your baby. It’s beautiful, but it could destroy you.

[Christopher · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not the biggest fan of audiobooks, but being an avid podcast fan and challenged by Book Riot to listen to an audiobook of poetry, I decided to check this one out from my library's digital app and give it a try. I may have try listening to more poetry on audio as this was such an enjoyable listening experience.

Written by the author of Toddlers Are A**holes, Ms. Laditan gives a picture of motherhood that is both beautiful and whimsical. I especially liked her play on Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" where the titular raven is actually her toddler come to ruin her moment of peace. That was very clever and funny. But her poems could also be poignant too as she writes about her fierce love for her children throughout, in spite of their faults.

One thing that was difficult to follow along on this audiobook is where one poem ends and another begins. As I did not have a print or digital copy in front of me, I could not tell when a poem had stopped. In the future, if I do listen to more poetry on audio, I will also have to follow along with a print or digital copy too.

For any new mothers out there, this is a fun collection of poetry that you should not miss.

[Shana · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mother kindly sent me a copy of this book to peruse when I feel particularly stressed out with parenting my own two kids. I was familiar with Bunmi Laditan from social media, but do not currently follow her so was curious to see what these poems would be like. For someone like me who does not typically enjoy poetry, this collection was perfect. A lot of them read like Tweets or status updates, which I guess makes sense given her rise to fame in those mediums. The sentiments are often short and sweet, but dig right at the core of what it means to be a parent and feel those feelings. It always feels good to know you're not alone in your struggles, and Dear Mother provides just this type of reassurance.

[Julie Kwiat · Rating 3 out of 5]

Since I havent read a book by this author before I didn’t know what I was expecting when I started reading this poetry book. I stumbled across it in chapters and I wasn’t exactly sure if It was worth the read but I gave it a shot. I really liked that there was so much variety added, not just about the children, but also about the mom, the dad, the family, about expectations.I feel that this book should be read by new mothers telling them that it’s ok to figure it out as they go. The book was sorted into categories such as love, laughter, sadness, madness and rising. Out of all the poems I listened to I think the one that stuck with me was “If my laundry is not alive why do I feel it judging me?” Lol same! Every mother should read this book.

[Leslie - Shobizreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a short (about an hour on audio) collection of poems about motherhood. I found it to be poignant, reflective, joyful, hopeful and heartbreaking all rolled into one which makes sense if you’re talking about motherhood.

My two fav quote from the book was a poem that said:
“Dear Mother, You get to decide because they’re your children.

Children weren’t designed to be good listeners because God knows, adults lie. Instead they were made watchers, expert imitators so that we can see our truest selves through the innocent performances of these small, savage mimes.”

Short and sweet and enjoyable.

I’ve been following The Honest Toddler blog for years and have appreciated her honest, witty and heartfelt writing on motherhood and parenting.

[Jordan Tu'ulauulu · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a quick, easy read and a very good intro to poetry if you’re looking to dip your toes in! I resonated with about 50% of the poems and felt really validated regarding different aspects of motherhood #solidarity ✊🏼. However, it’s apparent that Bunmi Laditan is also dipping her toes into the waters of poetry because her writing is very simplistic and not as, erm poetic, as I anticipated. It felt contrived at times, like they were strings of inspirational quotes tied together rather than poems.

The poem that hit me the hardest:

“These days, I prefer to be alone
Not because I dislike people
But because loneliness follows me
Whether anyone is there or not
So at least when I’m alone
Feeling alone
For a moment
I make sense” (p.79)

[Tim Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Guide Into the Gift of Motherhood

I started reading this book a few days before I gave birth. I finished reading it three weeks after my child was born. I read it in Barnes and Noble without any insight into what motherhood would feel like. I continued reading it in the hospital, days after my baby was born, wide eyed and scared at what was coming, and I finished it lying on the couch with my daughter asleep in my arms. I felt like this book was a guide through this process and I would recommend it to anyone in any stage (or not) of pregnancy. These passages ranged from hopeful to sad to funny and I valued every moment I spent reading it.

[Elizabeth Mellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I expected, from reading books by this author before, for this to be funny and relatable. And don’t get me wrong, parts were. But it was heavier than what I was hoping for and lots just didn’t click for me. I would absolutely still recommend it if poetry is your thing, but it’s not always mine and so when I do branch out into it, it’s hit or miss.

The hot mess of motherhood appealed to me, and maybe if it had been all that it would’ve ended up rating higher for me because that it what’s so where I’m at right now.