What do you think?
Rate this book
Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery
They’ve been entangled together for 12 years. A gong (seme) whose affairs had become second nature, and a shou (uke) who was depressed and liked to torment himself. Cracks cannot be mended, one can only intentionally choose to either ignore or endure it.
193 pages, Unknown Binding
1 person is currently reading
42 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
December 19, 2019
It's a short story that you can finish in one sitting. But, trust me that you won't leave your seat for a long while after that. Your brain needed time to process the story, trying to find the glimmer of hope in it.
The story was simple. Wen Qing had been in a 12 years long relationship with Yan Han even though knowing he had multiple other lovers or affairs. Every time Yan Han had an affair, Wen Qing kept telling himself to give another chance to their relationship. I know where he's coming from. It's a freaking 12 years relationship where Wen Qing willingly left his family to be with this guy. He spent his youth with this one guy, only to be back-stabbed multiple times.
The opening of the story is where Wen Qing was on his last straw. He have to find his way out. I was rooting for him. Especially when a knight in shining amour in the form of Wen Bai appeared. The ending however, was up to readers' own interpretation. I slept on it and yet, haven't come to the conclusion yet.
The story was simple. Wen Qing had been in a 12 years long relationship with Yan Han even though knowing he had multiple other lovers or affairs. Every time Yan Han had an affair, Wen Qing kept telling himself to give another chance to their relationship. I know where he's coming from. It's a freaking 12 years relationship where Wen Qing willingly left his family to be with this guy. He spent his youth with this one guy, only to be back-stabbed multiple times.
The opening of the story is where Wen Qing was on his last straw. He have to find his way out. I was rooting for him. Especially when a knight in shining amour in the form of Wen Bai appeared. The ending however, was up to readers' own interpretation. I slept on it and yet, haven't come to the conclusion yet.
June 23, 2024
Contemporary danmei about a relationship imploding with cheating and a love triangle. I feel like there would have been more emotional impact if the story had begun when the couple was still happy so you could get a sense of what was lost. A short, easy read full of angst but not very memorable
CWs: cheating, sexual assault, toxic relationship, self-harm, suicide
CWs: cheating, sexual assault, toxic relationship, self-harm, suicide
February 7, 2024
"In the end, he still fucking found someone else. He can't do it, there's no hope.... You ask me why i'm hiding. What can I fucking do if i don't?.... Why would I dare to harbour extravagant hopes for stuff like feelings and love again? You say you like me, you say that I still have you. Yan Han said that at the beginning too. Now look at what I've got. How could I possible have twelve more years to waste with you?" (ch. 32).
"No matter how unwilling my heart is. No matter how much I love you. Perhaps letting go is the greatest happiness I can give you. " (ch.32)
Cute little fun fact that I learned, the cigarette brand MARLBORO is an acronym for Man always remember love because of romance only. Pretty interesting.
"He had to completely wreck the feelings he had harboured for more than ten years before he was willing to give up, and it just had to be in the name of something like love too." (ch. 40)
Even if he wants to leave by himself, his mind will only think of the person whos ruined half his lifetimes worth of youth and love" (ch. 40) I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM.
This novel was not my favorite, i even despised it a little, however, the authors end note made me change my mind a little bit. She wrote "Perhaps the reason why certain people or events make you unhappy is because you care. You are the one who gave them the power to mess around with your heart." Ku Cha (author) is so real for this.
"He thought that maybe there would be a day when the person he carried inside his heart would become the person he held in his hands." (ch. Extras)
"No matter how unwilling my heart is. No matter how much I love you. Perhaps letting go is the greatest happiness I can give you. " (ch.32)
Cute little fun fact that I learned, the cigarette brand MARLBORO is an acronym for Man always remember love because of romance only. Pretty interesting.
"He had to completely wreck the feelings he had harboured for more than ten years before he was willing to give up, and it just had to be in the name of something like love too." (ch. 40)
Even if he wants to leave by himself, his mind will only think of the person whos ruined half his lifetimes worth of youth and love" (ch. 40) I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM.
This novel was not my favorite, i even despised it a little, however, the authors end note made me change my mind a little bit. She wrote "Perhaps the reason why certain people or events make you unhappy is because you care. You are the one who gave them the power to mess around with your heart." Ku Cha (author) is so real for this.
"He thought that maybe there would be a day when the person he carried inside his heart would become the person he held in his hands." (ch. Extras)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 1, 2020
This is now included in my list of favorite books.
First off; appreciation and acknowledgement.
Beautifully written (I read the translated version, since I wasn't literally fluent in Chinese), therefore I give my appreciation to ERS for the work they did. I truly love these kind of tragic stories.
Now that that's out of the way; the story...
Yes, I absolutely love to hurt myself emotionally and become more distant with my desire to seek comfort, so this book is just what I need to stop me from being bored of reading too many stories. I couldn't stop reading, every paragraph was ominous, the tragic fate foreshadowed hit me every time but I kept gobbling up the poisoned wine. The ending burnt the paper taped that held my shattered pieces of myself and I fell apart. I replayed this second-hand suffering again and again after I finished the book. I would stare off into the distance and wonder why I keep feeling so warm and close to this distant melancholic coldness. I would wonder if I had suffered the same fate in my past lifetimes that I eventually found comfort in loss and helplessness.
Maybe it's the depression, but I don't ever think I qualify to be tagged as depressed, so I could only gaze with my hazy eyes.
It's so bitter that I loved it.
First off; appreciation and acknowledgement.
Beautifully written (I read the translated version, since I wasn't literally fluent in Chinese), therefore I give my appreciation to ERS for the work they did. I truly love these kind of tragic stories.
Now that that's out of the way; the story...
Yes, I absolutely love to hurt myself emotionally and become more distant with my desire to seek comfort, so this book is just what I need to stop me from being bored of reading too many stories. I couldn't stop reading, every paragraph was ominous, the tragic fate foreshadowed hit me every time but I kept gobbling up the poisoned wine. The ending burnt the paper taped that held my shattered pieces of myself and I fell apart. I replayed this second-hand suffering again and again after I finished the book. I would stare off into the distance and wonder why I keep feeling so warm and close to this distant melancholic coldness. I would wonder if I had suffered the same fate in my past lifetimes that I eventually found comfort in loss and helplessness.
Maybe it's the depression, but I don't ever think I qualify to be tagged as depressed, so I could only gaze with my hazy eyes.
It's so bitter that I loved it.
April 29, 2023
Rating: 4/5- Very well written, moving and painful. The ending was certainly the best in my opinion.
This is certainly tragic and painful, however what made this story really affect me was how realistic and raw it is. People are that selfish and people really are that cruel.
I feel the choices the MC made really were what he thought was best for him and having encountered people like the ML in real life and seeing how destructive their actions are to the people who love them, I understood the MC mostly.
Perhaps in heterosexual relationships, some partners are left with children and find that it’s easier or necessary to stay or hold on (this is solely my opinion). They also have something “left” even if the other person leaves them, or vice versa. This story hurts because the MC really had nothing left except all his own sacrifices and the constant pain of loving someone too deeply and watching them treat your love like tr*sh. I cannot fault the MC for his pain or decisions. I also felt that the ML truly enjoyed the helplessness and dependency he caused the MC to feel, and that really triggered me because I know of people who behave this way in reality.
Just because a person loves you, does not mean you have won, does not make you the best and certainly does not mean you own them and all that they have. Love does not mean free reign and objectification of another.
The MC was also right in not rebounding, although I also understood how his wanting to get a sense of revenge made him hurt the SLS, he stopped when he saw he was going too far. I think no one is left untouched when made to feel abuse and neglect for years and unconsciously or consciously, they too, dole it out. We are only human after all.
I think as a whole, infidelity is taken too lightly in society and it has been for years, but for many of us who still believe in the purity and weight of love, it has a massive impact on our lives. Sometimes one only has a single opportunity to give love a chance and when that chance is betrayed, perhaps the existence of love for them is destroyed too.
This book really puts all of those feelings into words. It’s not a kind book and no one is likeable. However, real humans are not likeable either, we simply learn to love and that love makes unlikeable things acceptable. Eventually when we can no longer accept such, we can choose to move on or inflict our own evil emotions on others. Sometimes moving on may not be possible but freedom always is, one way or another.
This ending is neither happy nor sad, it’s inevitable (like Thanos said...)
This is certainly tragic and painful, however what made this story really affect me was how realistic and raw it is. People are that selfish and people really are that cruel.
I feel the choices the MC made really were what he thought was best for him and having encountered people like the ML in real life and seeing how destructive their actions are to the people who love them, I understood the MC mostly.
Perhaps in heterosexual relationships, some partners are left with children and find that it’s easier or necessary to stay or hold on (this is solely my opinion). They also have something “left” even if the other person leaves them, or vice versa. This story hurts because the MC really had nothing left except all his own sacrifices and the constant pain of loving someone too deeply and watching them treat your love like tr*sh. I cannot fault the MC for his pain or decisions. I also felt that the ML truly enjoyed the helplessness and dependency he caused the MC to feel, and that really triggered me because I know of people who behave this way in reality.
Just because a person loves you, does not mean you have won, does not make you the best and certainly does not mean you own them and all that they have. Love does not mean free reign and objectification of another.
The MC was also right in not rebounding, although I also understood how his wanting to get a sense of revenge made him hurt the SLS, he stopped when he saw he was going too far. I think no one is left untouched when made to feel abuse and neglect for years and unconsciously or consciously, they too, dole it out. We are only human after all.
I think as a whole, infidelity is taken too lightly in society and it has been for years, but for many of us who still believe in the purity and weight of love, it has a massive impact on our lives. Sometimes one only has a single opportunity to give love a chance and when that chance is betrayed, perhaps the existence of love for them is destroyed too.
This book really puts all of those feelings into words. It’s not a kind book and no one is likeable. However, real humans are not likeable either, we simply learn to love and that love makes unlikeable things acceptable. Eventually when we can no longer accept such, we can choose to move on or inflict our own evil emotions on others. Sometimes moving on may not be possible but freedom always is, one way or another.
This ending is neither happy nor sad, it’s inevitable (like Thanos said...)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 13, 2020
oh my heart hurts.
okay so i'm an absolute glutton for tragedies but this is just awful! it's similar to another novel that i've read but can't remember the name of. but where that novel had the MC just blindly accepting everything, at least here, wen qing does stand up for himself and expresses his feelings to yan han and wen bai.
i hated the ending but also saw it coming. i wish there were more flashbacks of wen qing's character before he got jaded and depressed, just to contrast with the sunny and bright kid he used to be.
also the translation read quite well so thank you to the translator!
okay so i'm an absolute glutton for tragedies but this is just awful! it's similar to another novel that i've read but can't remember the name of. but where that novel had the MC just blindly accepting everything, at least here, wen qing does stand up for himself and expresses his feelings to yan han and wen bai.
i hated the ending but also saw it coming. i wish there were more flashbacks of wen qing's character before he got jaded and depressed, just to contrast with the sunny and bright kid he used to be.
also the translation read quite well so thank you to the translator!
May 20, 2020
Another beautiful tragedy. Though this book is short, it highlights the main focus focus"depression" very well. The story is conveyed through less words but that doesn't make it lack emotion. You know when you begin reading such books what the result is going to be but for some peculiar reason you want to read all the way to the end just chasing the shred of thought the maybe if i make it through, the ending can be happy or different. Yet even though you get you "happy ending" it doesn't take away from the story or the plot progression.
December 5, 2021
This one reminded me so much of “10 Years Where I Loved You the Most / Decade of Deep Love” The ending was very bittersweet yet beautiful. I’m a sucker for tragedies. It was a great read, definitely makes you ponder about love, relationships, and what it means to give your life to someone. In a way Yan Han killed him, but the ending was fitting in my opinion. The extra chapters had me bawling my eyes out. Especially Wen Bai’s. Beautifully written.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 16, 2022
Tragic and a quick read. I loved the title and although it wasn't quite as dark as I was hoping for, Wen Qing's emotions at the end were still really raw.
Summary: Wen Qing has been with Yan Han for 12 years and been enduring his cheating for 10. Wen Qing's getting tired of it, Yan Han finally promises that he'll stop but it's too little too late.
Summary: Wen Qing has been with Yan Han for 12 years and been enduring his cheating for 10. Wen Qing's getting tired of it, Yan Han finally promises that he'll stop but it's too little too late.
February 14, 2021
I read this as a Valentines Day read (yes, I was aware of what the novel was about, but I’m a fucking masochist, if that wasn’t obvious enough). And imma just say.
Don’t.
But also.
Yes.
Don’t.
But also.
Yes.
dnf
September 9, 2021DNF @25% (pg29/113)
I like angst and pain and tragedy...
but not real scumbags.
I like angst and pain and tragedy...
but not real scumbags.
October 30, 2021
I don’t know what to feel about this but it’s not bad :)
March 29, 2022
I DIDN'T CRY. YEAH I'M A STONE.
Read
January 23, 2023This was so infuriating & frustrating to get through that I forced myself to finish it only because it's short.
October 7, 2024
depressing af but oddly satisfying
November 6, 2024
Wow, yes, very good!! thumbs up emoji I give it 5 milano cookies, very well yes.
November 15, 2025
re bueno
January 13, 2023
4/5
Warning ⚠ cheating (a lot), stokholm syndrom(?), scenes-make-u-will-curse-and-mentally-frustrated, depression, bad ending, suicide.
Aku kasih nilai hampir sempurna karena penulisannua itu well-written sekali. Authornua benar benar nulis nya very in-depth ke karakter2nya. Membuat kita yang baca bener bener ikut menyelam dalam keterpurukan bersama. Aku berapa kali harus memaki kasar, atau merasa kosong. Setiap phrase nya juga disusun beautifully painful.
Semua karakter benar benar sebiadab itu, menurutku. Buat aku yang "in real life" nya berhubungan dengan orang macam Wen Qing (MC) (hampir mirip tingkahnya) , ngejudge every move he choose. Aku sering nyalahin dia, padahal aku tau dia depresi , dan selelah itu sehingga tingkah lakunya slalu "salah" buatku. Pada akhirnya, aku cuman bs merasa kosong dan pasrah akan keputusannya.
Wen Bai dan Yan Hang (ML) . Idk man..... Dua pria badjingan yang akan kukutuk selama sisa hidupku kalo bisa. Setiap kali aku menggambarkan mrk dapet karma lewat ngejer WQ, gw katain mampus. Mereka "mencintai" Wen Qing sedalam itu, tapi mereka juga yang paling "menyakiti" nya. They didnt deserve him at all.
Ga ada salah atau benar dari semua karakter ini. Semuanya akan aku nilai sebagai karakter yang unacceptable... Sangat tidak sehat. Sangat menyedihkan. Tapi juga, in reality , ppl like this are there..... And i feel so heartbroken.
Emotional plot with Bittersweet ending. I love the rollercoaster feeling they give.
Warning ⚠ cheating (a lot), stokholm syndrom(?), scenes-make-u-will-curse-and-mentally-frustrated, depression, bad ending, suicide.
Aku kasih nilai hampir sempurna karena penulisannua itu well-written sekali. Authornua benar benar nulis nya very in-depth ke karakter2nya. Membuat kita yang baca bener bener ikut menyelam dalam keterpurukan bersama. Aku berapa kali harus memaki kasar, atau merasa kosong. Setiap phrase nya juga disusun beautifully painful.
Semua karakter benar benar sebiadab itu, menurutku. Buat aku yang "in real life" nya berhubungan dengan orang macam Wen Qing (MC) (hampir mirip tingkahnya) , ngejudge every move he choose. Aku sering nyalahin dia, padahal aku tau dia depresi , dan selelah itu sehingga tingkah lakunya slalu "salah" buatku. Pada akhirnya, aku cuman bs merasa kosong dan pasrah akan keputusannya.
Wen Bai dan Yan Hang (ML) . Idk man..... Dua pria badjingan yang akan kukutuk selama sisa hidupku kalo bisa. Setiap kali aku menggambarkan mrk dapet karma lewat ngejer WQ, gw katain mampus. Mereka "mencintai" Wen Qing sedalam itu, tapi mereka juga yang paling "menyakiti" nya. They didnt deserve him at all.
Ga ada salah atau benar dari semua karakter ini. Semuanya akan aku nilai sebagai karakter yang unacceptable... Sangat tidak sehat. Sangat menyedihkan. Tapi juga, in reality , ppl like this are there..... And i feel so heartbroken.
Emotional plot with Bittersweet ending. I love the rollercoaster feeling they give.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews