How to Stay Human in a F*cked-Up World: Mindfulness Practices for Real Life – A Buddhist Guide to Healing and Transformation from a Harvard and Yale Lecturer Trained by Thich Nhat Hanh

by Tim Desmond

How can we be more mindful when the world is this f*cked up?

How to Stay Human in a F*cked Up World is the fresh, engaging answer to this important question. If you’ve tried mindfulness before and failed, we get it. Likely you were told to sit on a pillow in a dark room, meditate, or count your breaths. But mindfulness isn’t about separating ourselves from the problems in the world. Instead, it is about re-learning how to get out there, connect with the suffering of every living being and in so doing, embrace your own personal suffering to heal, transform, grow, and finally find peace.

Tim Desmond—an esteemed Buddhist philosopher who has lectured on psychology at both Harvard and Yale and studied under Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh—has spent his life cultivating new ways to bridge the gap between the ancient tradition of mindfulness and modern life. With How to Stay Human in a F*cked Up World Desmond gets right to the heart of our collective pain with a life-changing mindfulness practice for surviving the sometimes-miserable world we live in, featuring strategies and guidance you can start using to feel more connected, joyful, and present today.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Meditation, Personal Development, Mental Health, Buddhism

208 pages, Hardcover

First published June 25, 2019

About the author

TIM DESMOND is a Distinguished Faculty Scholar at Antioch University, teaching psychotherapy rooted in self-compassion. Author of Self-Compassion in Psychotherapy and How to Stay Human in a F*cked Up World, he led a team at Google that developed a practice for predicting counselor efficacy. Desmond is also a student of Thich Nhat Hanh.

Reviews

[Sandra Castro · Rating 4 out of 5]

"How to Stay Human in a F*cked Up World" is a thoughtful, practical, and surprisingly comforting guide for anyone struggling with modern life’s stress, uncertainty, and overwhelm. Tim Desmond writes with clarity and compassion, offering advice that is both actionable and reflective, blending personal anecdotes with broader insights about mental health, self-care, and resilience.

The book shines in its honesty. The author doesn’t sugarcoat life’s challenges; he acknowledges them head-on, which makes his strategies feel authentic and grounded. The chapters on dealing with anxiety, burnout, and societal pressures are particularly impactful, and the tips for staying present and compassionate with oneself are easy to relate to.

The writing style is approachable and conversational, which makes the book easy to digest, though at times some points feel repetitive. It’s not a quick-fix guide, but rather a companion to return to when life feels overwhelming.

Overall, "How to Stay Human in a F*cked Up World" is a compassionate, encouraging read that offers practical wisdom for navigating chaos without losing yourself.

[Alissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. In many ways, it felt like it was written for someone like me who can get very overwhelmed with anger or sadness about things that happen in the world, or on a smaller personal scale, and feel completely helpless despite the deep ache of wanting to fix it all. I was able to take in a lot of the methods/examples that were presented as a guide on how to change your way of looking/reacting to people/situations, the suggested practices, the new perspectives.... As with all books like this, some things were more meaningful or powerful to me and hit home more, but overall, I thought it was a great book and very timely for me as I'm working on finding a life-long path to be more openhearted, to keep growing and learning, to be more compassionate and understanding, to be proactive instead of reactive, to listen more and talk less, to practice patience, live in the present, and be mindful of moments of joy and gratitude. I'm looking forward to reading the book of his mentor next. ❤

[Fatemeh]

نمره‌ مد نظرم ۳.۵ هست. کتاب بدی نبود، جز چند بخشش که واقعا حس می‌کردم کلیشه‌ایه بقیه‌ی بخش‌ها می‌تونه کمک‌کننده باشه. ولی بعضی تمرین‌های کتاب رو واقعاً فکر نمی‌کنم بدون کمک گرفتن از روان‌درمان و تراپیست بشه انجام داد. در نهایت هم یه سری توصیه برای مدیتیشن و مراقبه گفته که بنظرم نکات بدی نبود.

[Nicholas Cardot · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had a very difficult time committing myself to finishing this book. I greatly enjoy reading about and studying mindfulness and meditation. Yet as I would find myself caught up in the beauty of a principle such as compassion, I would find myself continuously jarred by F-bombs and other vulgarity. I found myself distracted by the extremist political world in which the author lives (he lives in a commune, attends political riots, and defaults to viewing those who don't share his political beliefs as being incapable of logic (e.g. his aunt)). As someone who is intentionally agnostic and apolitical, I find the subtle injection of the author's politics distracting and unhelpful.

I know that I will surely take heat for sharing this, but I simply cannot recommend this book.

I recognize that there is a voice in me that found this book difficult to read, that did not enjoy it, that was distracted from the desired peace by the added stressors. I radically accept this voice and do not try to silence it.

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

At first I felt like this was just a knock-off version of “Peace is Every Step” - the author studied under Thich Nhat Hanh, and it seemed like he was just repeating his teacher. But after introducing the concepts, he really dives into this stuff in a helpful way, using real-life scenarios and applying mindfulness techniques to them. I like his focus on how to approach conflict, and I like his steps and examples for real-life uses. I ended up really enjoying this and finding it not a knock-off but an additional great resource on mindfulness, one with concrete examples.

[AmirFarhad · Rating 5 out of 5]

"وقتی شما خوشحال هستید و امنیت کامل دارید، دیگران در نظرتان آدم های خوبی هستند، اما وقتی از چیزی رنج می برید، به خصوص وقتی که ترسیده باشید، دیگران در نظرتان به دو دسته تقسیم می شوند: ۱. آنهایی که دقیقا کاری را که شما می خواهید انجام می دهند و ۲. دشمنان بی ارزش و نفرت انگیز شما. به عبارت دیگر وقتی جریان خون پر از هورمون های استرس می شود، بسیار سخت می توان خود را قانع کرد که طرف مقابل یک آدم عوضی نیست، مگر اینکه دقیقا کاری را که می خواهیم انجام دهد."

[A Reader's Heaven · Rating 3 out of 5]

(I received a free review copy of this book from Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.)

A modern approach to mindfulness from an esteemed Buddhist scholar and Psychology professor.
Everywhere we go, we hear about the benefits of mindfulness—to bring us joy, peace, and productivity, and even to make us look younger and live longer. Meanwhile, in the real world, things aren’t so rosy: suicide rates are skyrocketing; prescription drug use is on the rise; exposure to negative news is causing PTSD-like symptoms; and we continue to report feeling disconnected, distracted, and depressed. How can we be more mindful when the world is this fucked up?

I have recently completed a short course on mindfulness so when I saw this book available for review, I thought it was just perfect. Also, our region has a huge issue right now with mental health problems so I thought this may very well be the book to stock to help others.

But from the very beginning of the book, I sensed disappointment. The author was quite adamant that there was a lot of info out there about mindfulness but this was going to be different, deeper. But, for me, it never really got there.

Also disappointing was the need to use the F-word. I know a lot of authors are using it in their titles now but I don't really think that it worked in this one. Felt like it was trying to be "edgy" and failed with the content.

Having said that, the author can write, can put sentences together and have them make sense. Has a way of engaging the reader quite well at times. But it was all just a little sporadic for my liking.

Will I buy this for my business? I am not completely sure right now. Probably...


Paul
ARH

[Amanda Carr · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s ironic that this is a book about meditation and the entire time I was listening to it I was thinking about how annoying the narrator is. His “advice” was nothing profound, if you read any self help books, you’ve heard all this shit before. The entire chapter about analyzing tea in a teacup fucking sent me.

[Davood Torabzadeh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing and practical, I liked how he walked me through his problems and the process of finding a solution. I could solve some of my issues with this book's practices. I recommend this book especially in this unnormal time (Pandemic)

[Rêbwar Kurd · Rating 3 out of 5]

نفس کشیدن در دنیایی که از هر سو زشتی، خشونت، فریب و بی‌عدالتی سر برآورده، دیگر به خودی خود نوعی شجاعت است. «چگونه در این دنیای مزخرف، انسان بمانیم» اثر تیم دزموند، کتابی‌ست که دقیقاً از دل همین وضعیت می‌جوشد؛ از دل این حس رنج‌آلود که انگار دنیا علیه لطافت، همدلی و اخلاق انسانی متحد شده. دزموند در این کتاب، نه از موضع یک واعظ بالا نشسته، که از جایگاه انسانی هم‌سطح و هم‌درد حرف می‌زند: کسی که خود در آستانه‌ی فروریختن بوده، اما مسیر بازیافتن معنا را یافته—و آن مسیر، از دل شفقت و مراقبت از خود می‌گذرد.

این کتاب درباره چیست؟

دزموند، روان‌درمان‌گر، معلم مدیتیشن، و شاگرد دیرین «تیک نات هان» (راهب بودایی و نویسنده شناخته‌شده) است. او در این کتاب تلاش می‌کند نشان دهد که چگونه می‌توان بدون بی‌تفاوت شدن، در جهانی که رنج و بی‌عدالتی‌اش انکارناپذیرند، همچنان «انسان» ماند—و نه فقط زنده ماند، که سالم، دلسوز و شاد زندگی کرد.

کتاب، بر پایه‌ی ذهن‌آگاهی (mindfulness)، شفقت به خود، و پذیرفتن رنج به عنوان بخشی از زندگی بنا شده است. دزموند می‌نویسد که بسیاری از افراد دغدغه‌مند، کسانی که واقعاً به جهان و انسان‌ها اهمیت می‌دهند، اغلب دچار خستگی، ناامیدی و بی‌احساسی می‌شوند. این افراد، در برابر ستم و بدی، یا منفعل می‌شوند یا آن‌قدر خود را درگیر می‌کنند که تحلیل می‌روند. راه میانه چیست؟ دلسوزی بدون سوختن. تعهد بدون فرسایش. مراقبت بدون خودتخریبی.

کتاب چه می‌گوید؟

یکی از مفاهیم کلیدی کتاب، تفاوت بین درد و رنج است. دزموند توضیح می‌دهد که درد، بخشی طبیعی از تجربه‌ی انسان است—چه فردی و چه جمعی—اما رنج، زمانی شکل می‌گیرد که با درد بجنگیم، آن را انکار کنیم، یا بخواهیم خودمان را تنبیه کنیم. راه کاهش رنج، نه در بی‌حسی، که در آشتی با درد از طریق مهربانی با خود است.

او همچنین از اهمیت مرزگذاری می‌گوید: اینکه مراقبت از خود، برخلاف تصور رایج، خودخواهی نیست؛ بلکه تنها راه ماندگاری در مسیر انسانی است. اگر قرار باشد ما به دیگران کمک کنیم، باید خودمان را نسوزانیم. فعال سیاسی، پناهجوی فراری، مادر خسته، روان‌درمان‌گر، هنرمند معترض—همه نیاز دارند یاد بگیرند چطور دل‌سوزانه با خود رفتار کنند.

سبک و تأثیر

سبک نوشتاری تیم دزموند، آرام، صمیمی و بی‌تکلف است. او مفاهیم بودایی را با زبان ساده و روایت‌های ملموس توضیح می‌دهد. نه از فلسفه‌ی انتزاعی حرف می‌زند و نه نسخه‌ی عرفانی می‌پیچد. او با صداقت درباره‌ی تجربه‌های شخصی‌اش می‌نویسد: افسردگی، وسواس، احساس بی‌ارزشی، و اینکه چگونه با این احساسات زیسته، نه از راه انکار، بلکه با پذیرفتن و آغوش گشودن به آن‌ها.

کتاب، نه نسخه‌ای برای «درست کردن دنیا»، بلکه تمرینی برای ماندن در جهان است. تمرینی برای آن‌که در میانه‌ی همه‌ی زشتی‌ها، از خود نپرسیم: «چه فایده دارد؟»، بلکه بپرسیم: «چگونه می‌توانم هن��ز خوب باشم، مهربان بمانم، و تسلیم نشوم؟»

جمع‌بندی

اگر احساس می‌کنی زندگی در این دنیای پر از کثافت، بی‌عدالتی، فقر، جنگ، تبعیض، و دروغ دارد تو را از پا درمی‌آورد—اگر گاهی آرزو می‌کنی کاش هیچ‌وقت از خواب بیدار نمی‌شدی، یا هیچ‌وقت «آگاه» نمی‌شدی—این کتاب برای توست. نه برای اینکه راه‌حل ساده‌ای به تو بدهد، بلکه برای اینکه به تو یادآوری کند:
تو حق داری خسته باشی. تو حق داری اشک بریزی. و همچنان، تو می‌توانی انسانی بمانی.

[ثمین پذیرائی · Rating 4 out of 5]

این کتاب رو خیلی اتفاقی توی اپلیکیشن طاقچه دیدم و عنوانش نظرمو جلب کرد،کتاب جالبی بود،خوشحالم که خوندمش✨
در کل توی کتاب به این تاکید شده بود که : ۱:آگاه باشیم(آگاه باشیم که چه اتفاقاتی بیرون و درون ما در حال رخ دادنه!)
۲: بپذیریم!(بپذیریم که ممکنه احساسات ناخوشایندی داشته باشیم،بپذیریم که خیلی چیزا ممکنه بد پیش بره!بپذیریم که همیشه قرار نیست همه چی کامل و بی نقص باشه!)
۳:هر چیزی رو با نقص هایی که داره دوست داشته باشیم!(میشه اصطلاح وابی سابی رو بکار برد که یه کلمه ی ژاپنی هست)
۴:مراقب خودمون باشیم تا بتونیم مراقب اطرافمون باشیم و این دنیا و جامعه رو جای بهتری برای زندگی کنیم...
۵:خودمون رو دوست داشته باشیم و تلاش کنیم که رشد کنیم و بهتر شیم...

[Gabrielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm going to keep this review short and sweet. What a surprisingly awesome read. I came across this title at random while perusing the Self-Help shelves of Barnes & Noble. I mean c'mon, how can you say no to a title like this!? There were so many invaluable nuggets imbedded in this quick read, I truly enjoyed it.

[Alanna-Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

INCREDIBLY INSPIRATIONAL BOOK! Probably the BEST book that I have ever read on mindfulness, mindful living and growing into a better, more compassionate person. Why? Because this book isn’t 100% on how to sit on your cushion and find peace. This book is about finding peace within chaos, from a place of incredible suffering and/or pain, and throughout social advocacy campaigns and democratic debates. This book is about becoming someone capable and prepared to help build a better human world. This book is about fighting for what you passionately believe in, while also holding space for the truths that those on the other side carry, and respecting their humanity and stories without loosing confidence or conviction. This book is about finding a meditation/mindfulness/yoga/qi gong practice that fills you up, and makes you the most compassionate and effective warrior you can be. Frankly, I think that this book should be read by every single social justice advocate, feminist, yogi(ni), and mindfulness practitioner living within the chaos of this modern world. Even more poignant given the current pandemic.

The audiobook is very well read by the author.

[Emma Côté · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was especially poignant right now. An important read! Will return to the practices outlined.

[Alexander Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best self help books I have read. I really like his takes on Toxic Righteousness, Myths, and looking at cognitive dissonance in a microscopic manner.

[Willow · Rating 5 out of 5]

"This book is dedicated to every person who cares so deeply about the world that it's killing them."
I loved this book! It gave me chills several times as Desmond perfectly articulated how I feel as both a civil rights activist who feels so much anger at reading about injustices in the news each day, and as a yogi desperate for peace inside and outside of myself.
Desmond shares his personal experiences with bringing together activists who disagree ("worst drum circle ever"), and talks intimately about his experience of staying by his wife's side as she suffered tremendously with terminal cancer.
The advice he gives for staying human amid all this suffering boils down to meditation ... he offers lots of specific compassion-focused meditations aimed at helping you sit with everything going on around you so you don't burn out and "retreat into whatever bubble of privilege you can find."
I alternated between reading the physical book and listening to the author-read audiobook on my walks, and both were great.

[Amit Verma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tim Desmond who has trained under Tich Hanh, shares his mindfulness and Buddhism philosopy for lay people presented in crisp and practical way.
.
Author struggling with his wife's illness and financial ruin finds a away to let go gracefully.
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Book is divided into 12 crisp chapters with examples from his own life and Buddhism.
He touches every aspect of daily sufferings like healing old wounds, fearlessness, memory reconsolidation, mindfullness training, society, loneliness, nonattachment to ideas and many more.
.

There are really good discussions like cloud in your cup, letting your cows go, 100 years old tree and disruptive intimacy.
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It is very nice book to grab in your tough times and learn how to live in this inherently brutal world by altering your perception of reality.
.Beauty of book lies in its conciseness, practicality, enjoyfullness and synchronisation with contemporary world.
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Present world is approximation of reality and this book is approximation of a great teacher in your bookshelf.
.
.Thanks edelweiss plus and author and publisher for review copy.
Really liked thus work.

[Lakmus · Rating 4 out of 5]

A handy, short introduction to the common set of mindfulness practices and Buddhism 101 ideas without too much philosophising and nice clearly marked practical sections. I am guessing this is a watered down version of Thich Nhat Hanh's works, since the author is clearly a big fan of the guy, but well, it's not like all of this isn't two thousand years old. Repetition is the mother of learning.

Good for throwing at people who are generally averse to the woo woo and won't tolerate a longer dive into self-helpy spirituality things.

[Jaden Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is actually the best self help/ spiritual book ever. Deserves way more hype. Teaches valuable lessons about emotions of your self and others . And especially in times like these people need to read. I read this whenever I need a reminder.

[Buffy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the bit about the elves and orcs a lot. It was a great simple read with good advice.

[ChaÎmaà Càt · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well-written book that I think will resonate with readers from all walks of life.

[Paris · Rating 3 out of 5]

3-3.5 stars. Would have liked a bit more depth, some practices seen unrealistic

[Andy · Rating 5 out of 5]

personal and practical account of mental health, mindfulness
good focus on Bayesian mental models, remembering that your thoughts and mental models of situations and people are just that, models, and should be open to revision and updating

[Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful book. I've been reading about Buddhism off and on for many years. One of my struggles is how disconnected the classic readings feel from western life - - it's as if monks never come into contact with the difficult people I encounter at work or online on a regular basis. Desmond addresses those situations and gives you tools for dealing with them. I'll return to this book often.

[Cindy Crocker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stop the spinning

Tim does a great job of expressing how we feel in this crazy world. And then he delves into navigating and growing with chaos all around.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loving Kindness Meditation meets Acceptance Commitment Therapy in this reader-friendly book. Tackles some high-minded stuff while still managing to be accessible and digestible.

[Raya · Rating 5 out of 5]

In many ways, I think this was the exact time in which I needed this book. Amid a sort of new loneliness; while trying to figure out my next steps in life; while trying to establish new, good, useful habits for myself; while in need of some support that tells me there is a point in trying still. This book managed to breathe a big dose of positivity in me, a new faith that I can *do the thing* and that social causes are (of course) worthwhile. While I was reading it, especially the first half, I kept imagining giving it to friends as a gift of encouragement, which I think we all need at one point or another.
I really want to reread the book in a few months, next time with a highlighter, and I imagine putting parts of it around my space to keep the important message of positivity I got from reading it.

[S.T. · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Once I understand that the suffering in the world can turn me into something I don't want to be, I become extremely motivated to find a way to stay human. I don't want to stop caring and I don't want to drown in anger and bitterness. I want to stay present and be a force for good.... I refuse to let everything that's fucked up in the world strip me of my humanity."

I actually kind of liked this one, even though there was a lot of spirituality in it and I can understand how it could be connected in certain ways. But I don't believe that you necessarily have to be a really spiritual person to practice mindfulness and he mentions that, which I appreciated. Desmond has some good points and exercises on how to cope, express yourself, communicate, and living in the present. As someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life and with all the current issues we face, there are still moments where I feel like just a shell and it's hard to cope and communicate what I'm truly feeling. There are a few exercises I might start to incorporate into my life as I continue my journey in healing myself both mentally and physically.

[Maggie Downs · Rating 4 out of 5]

A friend recommended this, and I didn't even need to read any reviews. I knew based on the title that it was a book I needed in my life.

This is basically Buddhism Lite, and it's not new information if you've done some reading about mindfulness or meditation. However, the author makes a point of talking about how to integrate these practices into the real world, especially in overwhelming news cycles, and I really needed to hear that.

By the way, I listened to this as an audiobook, which was pleasant, but I think I might purchase a paper copy too so I can review the exercises.