On Being 40(ish): Fifteen Writers on the Prime of Their Lives

by Lindsey Mead (Editor), Sophfronia Scott, Kate Bolick

Fifteen powerful women and writers you know and love—from the pages of The New Yorker, The New York Times, Vogue, Glamour, and The Atlantic—offer captivating, intimate, and candid explorations about what it’s really like turning forty—and that the best is yet to come.The big 4-0. Like eighteen and twenty-one, this is a major and meaningful milestone our lives—especially for women. Turning forty is a poignant doorway between youth and...what comes after; a crossroads to reflect on the roads taken and not, and the paths yet before you. The decade that follows is ripe for nostalgia, inspiration, wisdom, and personal growth. In this dazzling collection, fifteen writers explore this rich phase in essays that are profound, moving, and above all, brimming with joie de vivre. With a diverse array of voices—including Veronica Chambers, Meghan Daum, Kate Bolick, Taffy Brodesser-Akner, Sloane Crosley, KJ Dell’Antonia, Julie Klam, Jessica Lahey, Catherine Newman, Sujean Rim, Jena Schwartz, Sophfronia Scott, Allison Winn Scotch, Lee Woodruff, and Jill Kargman—On Being 40(ish) offers a range of universal themes—friendship, independence, sex, beauty, aging, wisdom, and the passage of time. On Being 40(ish) reflects the hopes, fears, challenges, and opportunities of a generation. Beautifully designed, this is “a must read for anyone 40ish or beyond...Like a pep talk from your big sister, favorite cousin, and wise best friend” (Joanna Goddard, Cup of Jo).

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Memoir, Audiobook, Feminism, Self Help, Adult

257 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 5, 2019

Reviews

[Caro · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a poignant collection of essays by women about their life experiences and outlook after turning forty.

I don't usually read these types of collections but the description caught my attention, and I'm happy I picked it up. The title includes personal stories from different writers, they explore many themes, from aging, careers, relationships, to the shift in priorities each lived decade.

I related to many of the stories, but my absolutely favorite was THE PEOPLE WHO GOT ME HERE by Julie Klam, I felt emotionally connected from the beginning.

Overall, a meaningful and relatable collection of essays.

Received ARC from the publisher via Netgalley

[Jennifer ~ TarHeelReader · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was invited by the publisher to read On Being 40(ish), and I’m grateful for the opportunity.

Fifteen women contributed to these essays on the topic of turning forty. The big 4-0 has always been viewed as a turning point, a milestone, in the same way turning eighteen or twenty-one is; however, there are, arguably, more differences for women at this milestone, according to this thoughtful book.

The essays are equal parts honest and emotional and always personal.

Regardless of their age, I feel like many women find something to relate to and reflect upon here. On Being 40ish is an inspiring, raw, and hopeful collection, and like a great chat with your best girlfriend all in one.

I received a complimentary ARC. All opinions are my own.

My reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

(3.5) Even though I’m only 35, I appreciated this set of women-penned essays (plus one poem, and one comic) on being in one’s forties. Common themes include coming out of the fog of early parenthood and finally having time for oneself again; facing mortality for the first time, either through a personal physical setback or the death of a parent or friend; and pushing past inertia to make a major life change.

Many of the writers say something along the lines of, “I thought I’d have it all figured out by the time I got to this age, but actually I’m still making it up as I go along.” Meghan Daum finds herself back in the same situation she was in in her twenties: working to a journalist’s deadlines in a messy New York City apartment, having gotten a divorce and eschewed motherhood; Kate Bolick finds herself a poster girl for singleness (she wrote the book Spinster), even though, ironically, she’d found a partner by that time.

I especially appreciated Veronica Chambers’s essay on life as a game of two halves. She quotes Pema Chodron, who says you should try to make the beginning, the middle, and the end (of any venture) good. So one’s forties can be about reassessing at halftime and changing to a better course.

I’ve given up on a Sloane Crosley book before, but enjoyed her piece on the cult of youth and beauty as it applies to the female face. (“Have I created enough, loved enough, been loved enough, accomplished enough, and learned enough to have earned these burgeoning forehead wrinkles?”)

Also memorable is Taffy Brodesser-Akner on the nature of time (“time happens no matter what you’re doing with it. … You should only care about getting older if you aren’t moving every day toward the maximal expression of the life you were hoping for.”).

[Karin]

Still thinking about how to quantify my rating for this one. I was intrigued by the premise for obvious reasons – turning 40 is on my own mind and is a frequent (while by no means incredibly fraught) subject of conversations with my friends. But I also was somewhat concerned that it would be a self-indulgent read. Two pages into the editor’s introduction I leaned hard into the second feeling as privilege bells clanged loud and abrasively clear. She describes sitting in front of her friend’s glass house on Chappaquiddick at an annual ladies weekend with her Princeton friends. Is this the driving voice of the project? Ugh, judges the woman who went to a high end college and who at this very moment is sitting with a friend on a sunny deck looking out over Cape Cod Bay, the first of MANY New England seaside jaunts in which I will participate this summer (as I have for many summers past). She later talks about how many of said friends ended up in New York, Boston, San Francisco after graduation. Check; this also is extraordinarily familiar.

I persevered past my hypocritical ugh, and there was a lot that I liked. There were different perspectives – children, no children; married, partnered, single; urban, not and the transitions between those environments etc. I recognized my life and the lives of my friends in these essays, and some provoked me to think about these and 40 in interesting, funny, moving ways. Familiar in many instances, but a nice chance to reflect.

But simultaneously I also want to read about 40 from an even more varied set of perspectives; push me further beyond the familiar. Geographically, culturally, etc. etc. I guess that is another book though. Someone write that one too, please!

[Autumn · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a 43 year old lady myself, I've read lots of these essay collections of vaguely feminist ladies writing about LADY STUFF in my time, and this one did not particularly knock my socks off. These things tend to include authors with a pretty limited range of identity and experience -- living in the Northeast or West Coast, maybe Iowa (Writer's project hangover/teaching job). I've over it.

The Megan Daum one was good tho, b/c Megan Daum is usually good. I also laughed meanly b/c Sloane Crosley got in despite being only 38 while pondering the fate of her face b/c she's Sloane Crosley, you guuyyyyssss.

Anyway, thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.

[Liuda · Rating 3 out of 5]

“the modern [wo]man, at least the kind who is reading a book of essays about turning forty, is faced with a conundrum at forty: How can you be this dissatisfied when you have so much? How can you be this satisfied when you have so little? Ask yourself this [...] and decide that it is okay to not have an answer. It is also okay to forget the question”

The book was good, in that easy way that makes you smile, nod; recognize patterns, lessons learned; most of which are not attributable to a single decade but many.

And yet there was something that I personally missed (or had too much off). Too many successful writer becomings. Too much east coast / west coast American dream that didn’t come true yet really did. Too many middle class challenges. Too many stories that are heartwarming and fun and yet ... the same? Isn’t it just as validating to not have reached a career peak by 40? Not have written a book? Isn’t it just as validating to be a farm owner in the Midwest or a doctor in Kenya? Or a single mom somewhere, anywhere in the world? Isn’t the point of reaching 40 (or 30 I hope to believe) the very notion that whatever you choose to do with what is given to you is fine, interesting and exhilarating. In this mythical 40ish area - i want to believe - there is no script or ‘right’ arrival point, and as opposed to the anxiety inducing race of the previous decades, this should be the table with a place for everyone to relax and keep breathing.

[Brooke · Rating 2 out of 5]

I appreciated the idea of this book. I was excited to pick this up since I am almost 40 but I found it was kind of cliche and kind of sad. I wanted something lighter, funnier, and yet also kind of deeper? And with more diverse authors and voices. This felt like a very narrow version of what it is to be 40-ish - if you are white, straight, and middle class and have lived a certain type of traditional life.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Proud to be a contributor to this amazing anthology with such a powerhouse collective of women!

[Laura Tremaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this little book of essays. I got this as a gift for my 40th, and truthfully this isn’t something I ever would have picked up for myself. But every single essay was well written and made me think about this stage of life. Highly recommended, especially as a gift.

[Mehrsa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of the essays were better than others and most of the topics were covered in predictable ways, but the writers were good and I related with most of the essays so it was a worthwhile read.

[Cara Meredith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Food for thought, says the newly minted forty year old. While there were a couple of (super whiny) essays I couldn’t stand, there were also a few that moved me to tears.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I want to give it 3.5 stars. I enjoyed hearing different perspectives and experiences on aging and would love to meet each of the contributing authors. I just can't give it 5 stars because of the limited depth of experiences. The majority of the women were white, upper-class, and from the North East. It would have been interesting to hear more stories from women of color and varied socioeconomic backgrounds across the nation to paint a picture of aging as a cultural universal instead of a cultural particular of rich white women. I do understand that the women featured are already established authors, making it easier to compile their polished work over unprofessional writers.

Besides the limited pool of contributors, the overall messages were what I needed to give me encouragement on the eve of turning 40.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like other essay collections, On Being 40(ish) contains some essays better than others. This collection of essays had me crying at times, out loud laughing at times, and nodding my head in solidarity at times. As I near the big 4-0 (gasp) this collection of essays solidified what I already know- I’m happier at almost 40 than ever, my don’t give an f has been triggered, my body reminds me constantly that I’m no spring chicken, and that my 40’s are going to rock. This book is like sitting around with your best girlfriends while demolishing bottles of wine and talking life. It’s real, honest, raw, and relatable. Thank you @simonandschuster for this advance reader in exchange for my honest review.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being 40 is awesome. Being 40 is awesome. Being 40 is awesome. Being 40 is awesome. Say it enough and it’s true.

[Krista · Rating 5 out of 5]

Turning 40 hasn’t been easy for my physically or emotionally, so I found this book of essays at exactly the right time. Each of them resonated with me in different ways and some brought me to tears. I loved reading these women’s reflections and different viewpoints on what life is all about.

[Bambi Kline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fresh view on what life is like during your 40s. Different people offer up their different experiences.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved reading essays by writing friends. And I love that women in their 40s are being given a voice, here and in the greater world. Let’s all listen to these women’s experiences. Maybe I’ll take some courage from these and make some of my own personal writing public again.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is not a memoir, but a book of personal essays, all about the experience of turning forty. Many contributors are older than 40 and give a broad exploration of this particular season in life. There seems to be a diverse stage of writers and viewpoints, people of different races and ethnicities, marital situations, sexual orientations, and people with and without kids. Even with all of that variety, some universal themes emerge.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from some of the different authors. Meghan Daum said, “Children are life’s great timekeepers,” which was so great because they mark the passage of time. Veronica Chambers said, “What I have learned from being a sort of sports fan is a lesson that I have applied really almost daily to the act and art of being in my forties. It’s a game of two halves, and this is the thing. No matter what happens, you can't win in the first half." Sloane Crosley did a whole thing on beauty and said, “An assessment of my face as it stands now, construction projects that began in my late twenties are still underway.” And Julie Klam wrote, “Turns out the reason people say being a grown-up is hard is because it is."

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/lin...

[Lee Woodruff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full disclosure. I contributed an essay to this collection and it’s an honor to be included with this illustrious group of 15 writers pondering aging, life, what matters and what’s next. In these writers’ hands, forty is both a milestone and just another year. As you’ll see from this wonderful, witty, poignant and wise collective take on what used to be considered “over the hill,” it’s just another decade of notching the belt with all the crazy things that we call “life.” From Sloane Crosley, Veronica Chambers, Julie Klam and so many more, this is a collection that every woman should keep by the bed for a little insight and a good chuckle. And it makes the perfect girlfriend gift for anyone within shouting distance of that fourth decade and beyond.

[Emily Weathers · Rating 2 out of 5]

The “Introduction” by Lindsey Mead and essays: “Soul Mates: A Timeline in Clothing” by Catherine Newman and “Why I Didn’t Answer Your Email” by KJ Dell’Antonia alone make this a worthwhile read. The collection of personal stories from fifteen authors tackle a milestone birthday and the importance of family and friendship through life-changing events ranging from aging parents to illness and loss. Think of Nora Ephron meets Gen X.

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

As other reviews have said, this is a mixed bag, but I enjoyed a handful of these essays on being forty-something (or close to it, or just past) very much.

Catherine Newman's "Soul Mates: A Timeline in Clothing" was both unique (a decades-long friendship told through fashion) and moving. Sloane Crosley's "What We Talk about When We Talk about Our Face" was very entertaining ("...so many beauty products, my toxicology report would read as if Ken Starr wrote it."). Ditto with Jill Kargman's "I Became an Actress at Thirty-Nine," which was both funny and inspiring. Allison Winn Scotch's "There's a Metaphor Here" was a gripping and uplifting story of how one woman's unexpected injury made her realize the riches in her life. And Sophfronia Scott's "I Don't Have Time for This" was the kind of thing I need to reread on the regular, as her thoughts on living in troubled times were so gorgeously-written and much-needed in this world right now.

Some of my favorite quotes:

"Given the correlation between aging and death, declaring that you can’t stand today’s music might actually mark the first stage of the dying process."
--Meghan Daum

"If we decided to run away from home, we could pack in the bags under our eyes."
--Catherine Newman

"Sometimes—many times—both in life and in marriage, you hope for the sunset overlooking the ocean off a deserted beach in the Mayan Riviera, but what you get is a drive to physical therapy. That’s okay. Maybe it’s actually how it should be."
--Allison Winn Scotch

"For me, holding up a fun- house mirror to the world with writing is what makes me not fear aging."
--Jill Kargman

"I savor these moments. They sit tart and bright and sweet on my tongue like the taste of hibiscus tea with honey. From these moments I can cultivate gratitude and from gratitude I distill grace."
--Sophfronia Scott

"Sometimes there’s a scent in the air so beautiful, earthly, and alive that it makes me feel ravenous, like this sharp awakening moment wants to cut me open to prove how empty I am, to show how much space there is for me to fill. What will I fill it with? I could eat the dirt and all that is in it and sense it wouldn’t be enough. I am giddy. I want to fly."
--Sophfronia Scott

[Manchester Public Library, CT · Rating 3 out of 5]

- This review was contributed by Circulation Librarian Valerie and also appears under her personal Goodreads account.-

Like many essay collections, this one had some that worked for me better than others, some that made me feel better about aging (for things like gaining wisdom) and some that depressed me (losing loved ones). The authors come from various walks of life - some with children, some without, some married, some not, etc. I appreciated the "The Breathtaking Potential of the Attosecond", where the author talks about instantaneous responses to two of her students and how her quick response shaped her relationship, and conceivably more, with each student (my husband is a teacher so this one was particularly interesting to me). I also really enjoyed "I Don't Have Time for This", in which the author explains how she deals with all the things in life that have the potential to make one feel miserable, and "Quantum Physics for Birthdays", which details how time seems to speed up the older one gets. This book is aimed at women, but I think the concepts in general are ones that most that are close to or past forty could appreciate - it seems at least one essay in the book is likely to sit well with the majority of readers. A quick but reflective read on a landmark age. - Valerie, Circulation Librarian

[Tay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved reading the varied life-snapshots, and I loved the design of the book: it's tactile and playful qualities. Thirteen U.S. writers, one poet, and one illustrator (all women) reflect on the defining characteristics and experiences of each of their lives in their fifth decade: its surprises, challenges, benefits, and losses. Inserted between essays are facing pages with answers to fill-in-the-blank assertions, like "The single most important lesson I've learned in my life so far is..." and "The biggest surprise of life after 40 is..." The cherry on top is the autobiographical (seeming) list of contributors, which led me to keep a running list of authors to explore later. :)

Recommendation for Reading: Choose what to read first by picking out a title from the Table of Contents that sparks interest. Then skip around as you see fit. Remember to flip through and find the handful of blue pages with Q & A's.

[Alli · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is short and digestible, one I found easy to come back to and read an essay at a time. Some of the essays landed and some didn’t, which is probably to be expected, especially considering I’m not a mother and many of these women are. It felt like many of the writers are in rather privileged positions, and there wasn’t a lot of intersectionality that I could discern—though to be fair, I didn’t investigate the backgrounds of all the contributing writers.

The essay I appreciated most is the last: Quantum Physics for Birthdays by Taffy Brodesser-Anker. It speaks to exactly how I ponder time, trying to grasp and understand its ineffable, fluctuating passage and realizing I never really will.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pub date: Feb 5, 2019
Many of these essays in this collection from wome about their 40s have similar themes: things change and life is short. The one that made the biggest impression was "I Don't Have Time for This", where Sophfronia Scott relates that she doesn't have time to be miserable about the state of politics, or any other negative energy; she's got her focus on the joy and wonder of the present. You can be aware of the bad, but don't let it dictate your day. For a 47 year old who reads too much news since 2016 and who's been reading about mindfulness lately, I really need to take that advice.

[Gabriela Rus · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is like a mosaic of thoughts, feelings, personal histories, joys, frustration, bits and pieces of life which put together create a beautiful picture of feminine wisdom. Because that is what being 40ish is all about: figuring all this shit out, keeping what is worth and letting go of all the useless crap which seemed to be important and 20.
Turning 40 this year I must say I can totally relate with most of the essays, reading this book gave me a sense of peace and self-confidence.

[Jen · Rating 1 out of 5]

Seems like multiple views from roughly the same lifestyle as a 40ish woman. Women living in big cities with liberal or at least nontraditional lifestyles. It’s a missed opportunity to get a perspective of what this age looks like from a variety of people walking different paths and frankly more depressing than inspirational for me.

[S.J. Lomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rounded up from a 3.5
This isn't quite what I expected it to be, but I did enjoy the essays and ruminating on different facets of being 40ish.
Overall, worth a read by women in their 40s who will nod along to lots of the essays in this book.

[Cori · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those books that you can’t definitively recommend or not recommend: either some of the essays touch you based on where your heart and mind are at in this moment, or they don’t. For me, a few of them really did. It was a quick and meaningful read — for me.

[Ali Krinski · Rating 3 out of 5]

This short stack of essays feels like the sad part of brunch, right before your friends start to say that we all have to go back to our lives. It’s bittersweet, because you feel like you did when you’re in your 20s, but you’re glad some of that angsty part of your 20s is (hopefully) over.

I didn’t glean a whole lot out of this read, other than I need to make sure I get a brunch date planned with my friends. So it’s 3 stars.