Do I Want to Be A Mom?: A Woman's Guide to the Decision of a Lifetime

by Diana Dell, Suzan Erem

An informative, compassionate guide to the motherhood decision "...give(s) a sense of what's ahead for new parents." --Baltimore Sun Many women aren't sure how to best time motherhood in their lives. Others think they may want a child but aren't sure they really want to take on the responsibility. Still others want to be child-free, but they are afraid they will regret the decision later on when it's too late. Do I Want to Be a Mom? offers expert information, insights, and tools necessary for each woman to make her own best choice. Dr. Diana Dell, an expert who is board certified in both obstetrics/gynecology and psychiatry, draws on her expertise to cover the emotional, physical, sexual, social, and financial aspects of this decision. Along with award-winning writer Suzan Erem, she also provides powerful anecdotes from women who speak openly of the fears, joys, regrets, and triumphs of motherhood or being child-free.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Parenting

240 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2003

Reviews

[Lacey Louwagie · Rating 3 out of 5]

In my ongoing quest to wrap my head around the idea of parenthood, I keep hoping for that one book that will give me all the answers. This is not that book.

The description makes it look like it will be a treasure trove for women considering the titular question: Do I Want to Be a Mom? It promises to cover questions like, "How will children affect my career/finances/sex life/relationship/etc." It is very comprehensive in terms of the questions it covers, but this "breadth rather than depth" approach ultimately leads to a disappointing read in which very complex, nuanced issues get only a one or two-page treatment. What space the responses do get is mainly just quotes from women interviewed about their experiences, some of which seem tangential to the actual question. While I love the collective wisdom of women as much as the next feminist, this book did not give me the type of solid information such questions warrant. Research exists on many of these questions (I know because I've come across it in other books), and yet the book hardly ever offers any of it. At the very least, I feel that many of the questions should have further reading resources appended -- whole books are written about balancing your relationship with your spouse with adding a child to the family, or choosing to remain child-free, or pursuing a career with children. But rather than offer these resources to women who desire to know more about a topic than this book's "skim-the-surface" approach, there is a generic "resources" section at the back that doesn't tie the resources to specific questions in the book.

Finally, the book seemed to be written with a slight bias toward the choice to remain child-free. Both the authors leaned in this direction; although one of the women was a mother, she found it to be a poor fit and so doesn't live with or actively "mother" her own child. So as far as editorial voice is concerned, there is no perspective from a woman who fully embraces motherhood, which seems an important point of view to include.

The book seems to be written for women who like the idea of motherhood but need a reality check that it's not all giggles and snuggles. For women who have already given the issue some serious thought, this volume has very little to offer.

[Erin Reilly-Sanders · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this book asked a lot of questions that really deserve serious consideration and appreciated the way in which they were apparently researched and presented. The different comments from interviews with different women were quite useful at sharing different perspectives that seem to be authentic. At the same time, the organization of the questions within each chapter seemed a bit odd and the overall perspective more negative than varied. While I agree that a lot about motherhood seems to be distastefully sugar coated, I would have appreciated the added authorial perspective of a woman who personally enjoyed motherhood. Read somewhat in conjunction with something of an opposite bias, say Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids, it might be possible to construct a more objective portrait of motherhood/parenthood or at least see some different options. All the same, I think I'd prefer to steer clear of the term "Mom" or "Mother" at the moment. While I'd love to become a parent, I think aiming for "Dad" might be more where it's at.

[Doreen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was fine for what it was, that is a collection of women's opinions and experiences on becoming a mother, or not becoming a mother. I was basically just looking for a book to convince me to become a mother, because I'm feeling a lot of pressure to become one even though I don't want to and have never wanted to, although it's not this book's fault.

[Kelly Holmes · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is mostly a collection of quotations from women with some text added around them to hold it all together. It's organized into sections based on questions or statements like "What if I Don't Want to Give up My Career?" and "Will I Feel out of Control?" Each section is 1-2 pages with a few paragraphs from the authors and then quotations from women about that topic.

Some of the topics were good to read about, but the brief coverage of them just left me wanting something more in-depth. In some cases, the authors' "answers" were off base and close-minded, IMHO. For example, when talking about the costs surrounding the birth, they write: "For reasons not always related to cost, the appeal of at-home births is spreading. It's a setting we don't recommend. If a pregnant woman or her infant is in distress, the amount of time it takes to get her to the hospital can mean the difference between joy and tragedy."

If you're looking for an in-depth discussion of these types of issues, this isn't the book for you. But if you want a quick overview of all the types of issues related to this decision, this book definitely provides that.

[A. J · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was one of the first parenting books I picked up last year, trying to decide the right time to have children is never easy and so I hoped that this book would enlighten me, or at least give me plenty of helpful hints. 

Overall I think this book is fine for what it is. It's mostly a collection of thoughts from other women on parenting and motherhood and if they are or are not happy. Which is definitely interesting, and relatable, but I guess I was hoping for a little bit more from this book. I wanted more depth to the answers of very real questions.

While the book was obviously dated, and not very inclusive for non-straight/cis families, or people living with mental health issues, I did find a few morals to chew on. I liked some of the exercises the book recommended going through, one such was going through a list of traits you liked and didn't like in your own mother and using that as a basis to decide how you want to mother. 

So while I don't regret reading this book, it certainly wasn't what I wanted. I gave it three stars on Goodreads. 

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a helpful book, but it looked promising. It's basically a bunch of short chapters stating the obvious.

[Christine · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is no great info here that you don't already know.