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400 pages, Paperback
First published July 31, 2018
Jess popped to the toilet to tweet. Back in the room, an assortment of indistinct men - bearded and earnest and flushed with credentials - talked at her or for her, but never quite to her.
“Of course,” she heard someone say, “It’s getting to the point where marriage is the last truly radical act.”
This was a recurrent theme. At every party a new last radical act. Faced with a future so rapid in its occurrence and uncertain in its shape, people clung to familiarity. Fearful of appearing retrograde, they refashioned their nostalgia as subversion. Home ownership was the truly last radical act. Monogamy was the last truly radical act. Parenting was the last truly radical act. Not wanting it all was the last truly radical act. Everything else, it seemed, was dead.
While they ate, they talked about the day’s events on the web, asking each other if they’d seen this or that post, tracked this or that social media shitstorm, or caught a glimpse of whatever eye-rolling thinkpiece headline was currently whipping up derision across right-thinking networks. This being dinner, they selected things about which they could agree. Some digital-analogue distinctions, Jess thought, still applied. Online, the point was to court controversy. At home, you cherry-picked for accord.
This, he was coming to understand, was the new reality of his job, and the natural endpoint of his career arc. He’d begun by reporting what was happening. He’d graduated from a focus on what was happening to a focus on what he thought about what was happening. From there, what was happening had come to have less and less bearing on what he thought, until all that mattered, to borrow a choice phrase from Lionel Groves, was that he thought at all. Now, what he thought was what was happening. His opinions and those of other were events unto themselves, supplanting their real-world counterparts and models. In this world, it didn’t actually matter what he thought, and mattered even less what people felt about it. What mattered was the nurturing and manipulation of an environment in which his thought could flourish, in which discussion was its own reality. Silas was right: hatred, pushback, dissent were all just modified matrices of the only things that meant anything: impact and volume.
”There’s a big difference between an allegorical bomb and a real one, Silas.”
“Yeah, maybe there is. And the difference is, in our line of business, only one really matters. You think if an actual bomb wiped out half the frigging population people would express outrage about it online? Do you think they’d even look online? To us, Robert, the allegorical bomb is the real bomb, and the real bomb is just an allegory. As far as opinion is concerned, this is a real bomb.”
His entire career, his entire existence, was built on simplification. His critics assumed this was because Hugo was simple, but Hugo, who prided himself on not being as stupid as people seemed to believe, knew that his reliance on simplicity was one of the better examples of how astute he was able to be. In an ever-complexifying world, simplicity was a much sought-after and increasingly rare commodity, and people had a tendency to grab it when they found it. [...]
Hugo, in his columns, in his talking-head television appearances, in his careful deployment of what he very advisedly called common sense, had become adept at synthesising these instincts. When he talked of present-day England and the ways in which it both disappointed and terrified him, he made it clear he was regarding it in contrast to another, historical England, which had once made him proud and secure. When he decried political double-speak and lambasted his rivals for their inability to construct a simple policy that could be conveyed in a simple sentence to… he didn’t say simple people, of course, he said ordinary people… he was careful to communicate the idea of an implied alternative of clarity, directness. Through simplification, Hugo was selling reassurance. Through nostalgia, he was selling the political equivalent of escapism. And through reductive blame-mongering, he was, he knew, selling a potent combination of the two.
This age of fucking sensitivity, he thought. What was he supposed to do - castrate himself? When he met a woman he fancied, he fantasised about shoving his dick in her face. When he met a woman he loathed, he also fantasised about shoving his dick in her face. Was that no longer normal? Was this something for which he was supposed to apologise?
This, he thought, was the society he lived in: a society where a decent, upstanding man could at any moment be lined up in front of what was effectively an internet firing squad and summarily executed for the simple crime of doing what he had always done: sowing fear; terrifying the cosseted, preening effete, and ultimately unrecognisable excuse for a nation that England had ultimately become.
Norbiton stuck his head round his office door.
“You three,” he said, “I’m calling a huddle. Right here. Right now.”
“You can’t,” said Bream, “You used your huddle quota this morning. Your allocation won’t reset for another twenty-four hours.”
“Are you kidding me?” said Norbiton, “Trina: confirm.”
“It’s twenty-four hours,” said Trina.
“Email me,” said Bream.
“Copy that,” said Holt.
“OK,” said Norbiton, “I’m going to play ball, but if I get a load of auto-responses I have to say a touch of negativity might start creeping into my day.”
Norbiton went back into his office and started pounding his keyboard. Trina logged on and fired up her email to find that Norbiton had sent a high-priority scheduling invite to her, Bream, and Holt.
“I didn’t have time to turn off my auto-response,” said Trina.
“Me neither,” said Bream, not making any sort of move towards his desk. Holt just shrugged. From Norbiton’s office a sort of war-cry went up.
...he began to wonder whether he had ever experienced a genuine sense of power. His whole life, it seemed to him now, had been a kind of deflated capitulation.[...] For so long, he'd written about others from a distance, and tailored what he wrote to the imagined tastes of still more distanced others. This, now, was about him. The power of autobiography, so much in vogue, and so infuriatingly out of reach to a man like Robert, was now available to him. Even as he squirmed at the exposure, he thrilled at the potential.
He'd begun by reporting what was happening. He'd graduated from a focus on what was happening to a focus on what he thought about what was happening. From there, what was happening had come to have less and less bearing on what he thought, until all that mattered, to borrow a choice phrase from Lionel Groves, was that he thought at all. Now what he thought was what was happening.
He sat back in his chair, evidently trying to calm himself down, but doing so in a way that drew attention to his efforts, as if, she thought, she was supposed to respect the fact that he was trying to calm himself down; as if, in calming himself down, he was making some kind of statement about the ways in which she was not calming herself down.