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Girls Growing Up on the Autism Spectrum: What Parents and Professionals Should Know About the Pre-Teen and Teenage Years
Growing up isn't easy, and the trials and tribulations of being a teenager can be particularly confusing for girls with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASDs). This book covers all the concerns commonly faced by girls with ASDs and their parents, from periods and puberty to worries over friendships and "fitting in".
Taking a good look at these adolescent issues, and many more, within the context of specific areas of difficulty for girls with ASDs, the authors provide families with the knowledge and advice they need to help their daughters - and the whole family - through the teenage years. This book addresses core issues such as cognition, communication, behavior, sensory sensitivities, and social difficulties; it gives candid and realistic advice on a wide range of important teenage topics.
Providing professional perspectives alongside personal experiences from mothers, daughters and educators, this is a unique and indispensible guide for families and their daughters with ASDs, as well as the teachers and professionals who work with them.
Taking a good look at these adolescent issues, and many more, within the context of specific areas of difficulty for girls with ASDs, the authors provide families with the knowledge and advice they need to help their daughters - and the whole family - through the teenage years. This book addresses core issues such as cognition, communication, behavior, sensory sensitivities, and social difficulties; it gives candid and realistic advice on a wide range of important teenage topics.
Providing professional perspectives alongside personal experiences from mothers, daughters and educators, this is a unique and indispensible guide for families and their daughters with ASDs, as well as the teachers and professionals who work with them.
352 pages, Paperback
First published November 15, 2008
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
June 28, 2022
This book encourages operant conditioning in order to get people with autism to show "desired" behaviours. Completely ignores the concept of masking and the damage it can do.
The book mentions identity foreclosure and fails to see how it's methods foist that onto the autistic people subjected to this book's approaches.
I can see that it was written out of good intentions and there are some things in there that might be of use to someone, but training a child to 'respond like everyone else' is just another way of denying their autism. Their autism should be celebrated not hidden.
This would get zero stars if I could.
The book mentions identity foreclosure and fails to see how it's methods foist that onto the autistic people subjected to this book's approaches.
I can see that it was written out of good intentions and there are some things in there that might be of use to someone, but training a child to 'respond like everyone else' is just another way of denying their autism. Their autism should be celebrated not hidden.
This would get zero stars if I could.
May 16, 2015
I skim-read this not as a parent, but as an adult with an ASD looking looking for better understanding. I do think this would be an excellent resource for parents - it's very well-researched and practical.
March 26, 2015
This was a LONG read...more medical than anything else, in terms of who it is addressing. I understood it, but it drudged along. I guess I was looking for something more direct and not as medically in-depth as this was. I highlighted a lot, and it'll be good for referencing. However, I am wanting something that would give me more of a personal perspective of what my daughter is potentially experiencing...how to understand her better, and help her learn ways to adapt and cope with the different challenges associated with this syndrome. As far as the technical stuff..this is good. As far as how to help in social interactions, personal hygiene, school,etc...this is not the book for me.
October 25, 2025
Overall, a good book that covers a lot of topics for raising a daughter on the spectrum. One BIG complaint: the authors encourage compliance with gendered social expectations. One example: how to coerce your daughter gradually into accepting and even liking things like wearing makeup and painting her nails. These things are NOT required of anyone, and shouldn’t be taught as required for social acceptance or fitting in. This book could and should have done a better job of celebrating diversity, inclusion, and breaking down gender expectations.
February 10, 2010
I highly recommend this book to anyone who regularly deals with girls on the spectrum. It was incredibly thorough. The resource list was excellent(at the end of every chapter) and the practical suggestions were wonderful as well. I can't praise this book enough
October 3, 2022
This is a really helpful resource for parents and professionals in the role of helping/supporting girls on the spectrum. I do think it's important to remember that Autism is a spectrum of presentations, not a one size fits all, so as not to feel discouraged by some of the more challenging scenarios described in the book. I also think it's important to remember that the adolescent stage of development will be especially tricky for autistic girls trying to find a comfortable spot somewhere between "mask and be like everyone else to fit in" and "be yourself". The best ways we can support are by being available, providing encouragement, showing compassion and advocating strongly when necessary. The section at the end of the book about the mom fighting for her daughter to be able to attend school safely invigorated me (though it's shameful that she had to fight so hard and that people can be so despicably awful to anyone who's "different"). Autism is not the problem; the world in which autistic people have to live is the problem.
May 28, 2015
I received this book as a Goodreads Firstread book.
I am an adult who is neither a parent, nor a professional who deals with children. However, some medical professionals have suggested that I be evaluated to see if I have some form of high functioning autism. After reading this book, I believe that I do need to be evaluated, because many of the behaviours described in this book fit my early years. My mother had no formal training in how to deal with these behaviours, because in the 1950s and 1960s, there was no such thing. However, my mother did manage to treat me successfully with many of the strategies used in this book. I am forever grateful.
I would strongly recommend this book to parents of ASD females in particular, and for medical and behaviour therapists to have available as well.
Congratulations to the authors for a clear, helpful work regarding girls with autism.
I am an adult who is neither a parent, nor a professional who deals with children. However, some medical professionals have suggested that I be evaluated to see if I have some form of high functioning autism. After reading this book, I believe that I do need to be evaluated, because many of the behaviours described in this book fit my early years. My mother had no formal training in how to deal with these behaviours, because in the 1950s and 1960s, there was no such thing. However, my mother did manage to treat me successfully with many of the strategies used in this book. I am forever grateful.
I would strongly recommend this book to parents of ASD females in particular, and for medical and behaviour therapists to have available as well.
Congratulations to the authors for a clear, helpful work regarding girls with autism.
October 29, 2011
This is book is a necessity for anyone who knows of, loves or in anyway has contact with emerging young women on the spectrum! Great insight, frank topics and easily accessible content make this emotionally reassuring and in some cases a guide for practical application.
September 18, 2011
Good explanations of situations that may come up for autistic girls and ways of handling problems.
February 21, 2014
This book could serve as a serviceable blueprint for parenting a daughter with an autism spectrum disorder.
March 13, 2015
If you work with any female clients, this is a MUST read for professionals.
June 15, 2026
My mother had this book when I was a preteen. I think I would have been 12 or 13. Whenever she wasn't home, I'd sneak into her room and read it (I realize now how creepy this was). This was partly because I was badly depressed and wanted advice on my own condition, but mainly because I was worried about what "advice" this book was giving my mother. (God bless her, she's a well meaning woman, but she's always been prone to falling for whatever moral panic is hot right now...)
That's a phrase that I'd sum this book up with, "well meaning". The authors were moms to autistic girls, and they spent a long time interviewing autistic girls for the book (and the caretakers or parents of such girls). It covers all corners of the spectrum, from high functioning (the book used the now outdated term "Asperger's", which given the time it was written, cannot be held against it) to nonverbal. It covers things that need to be discussed more, such as sexual assault (there's a heartbreaking account of a nonverbal girl who was discovered to be pregnant, and another of a girl who was raped and for weeks would only speak in monologues involving sharks, her biggest fear, as a coping mechanism). There are multiple chapters on sex and dating, which are almost exclusively on heterosexual relationships; however, one chapter ends with a short paragraph explaining that while little is known about lesbians on the spectrum, the authors still found two books on the subject to recommend. I was in the closet at the time, and I remember being touched that the authors were nice enough to do that. None of the other books on puberty I read, not even American Girls' otherwise awesome The Care and Keeping of You, would devote even a footnote on homosexuality. (Of course nowadays, it's well known that many autistic people are queer, which is another reason why this book is outdated, but it's still really nice and far ahead of many puberty books of the time in that regard.)
Unfortunately, for all those positives, the negatives far outweighed anything else. The authors seemed hellbent on "correcting" ALL autistic behaviors, no matter how harmless. I remember them singling out "watching a Blue's Clues tape" as an example of immaturity. I had several Blue's Clues tapes that I would watch out of comfort, and this specific mention of them as something negative made me panic that my mother would throw them out (thankfully she didn't, but it was a new fear that this book gave me). There's a long section on how to get your daughter to stop watching "immature" shows, namely cartoons, and instead get her to watch more age-appropriate teen dramas. This confused me a lot, because even among neurotypical classmates of mine, cartoons remained popular. I came of age around the time of the "Brony" fad, when teens and adults watched My Little Pony unironically, so preschool shows remained popular with most kids I knew, regardless of whether or not they were on the spectrum. It also singled out Powerpuff Girls as something too childish for teens, even though well into high school, many girls (again, a lot of them not autistic!) had PPG t shirts, backpacks, et cetera. It made me wonder if the authors actually knew what was popular with teens, or if they just hated cartoons and decided that nobody older than 10 should either.
There was also a lot of advice on how to push your daughter towards more feminine interests. Whether or not your child is autistic, that's just bad advice. What's wrong with being a tomboy? I remember the authors seemed to have a grudge against "baggy" clothing in particular. There was also a section on how to convince your daughter to wear a bra, and the reasons contradicted themselves. There was a bullet point list on things to say to your daughter to convince her, and the last two were "draw attention away from your breasts" and "draw attention TO your breasts". Well, which is it? I get that it can be hard to convince your kids to do stuff, but let's not lie to them.
It's really sad, because out of the many books my mother brought home to understand me, this was one of the better ones. (This is the only one I remembered the title to. Believe me, if I could remember the others, ohhh the spree of 1-star reviews I'd go on....) This was one of the few that treated autistic people like human beings rather than pets. Again, I genuinely believe the authors meant well. But the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, in this case forced gender roles and weird defensiveness against harmless media. I can't help but wonder how much of that was influenced by the time period this was written in (2000s and early 2010s), when adults liking cartoons was less acceptable, and culture was more heavily gendered and heteronormative. I'd like to think that had the book been written today, none of my complaints would stand.
That's a phrase that I'd sum this book up with, "well meaning". The authors were moms to autistic girls, and they spent a long time interviewing autistic girls for the book (and the caretakers or parents of such girls). It covers all corners of the spectrum, from high functioning (the book used the now outdated term "Asperger's", which given the time it was written, cannot be held against it) to nonverbal. It covers things that need to be discussed more, such as sexual assault (there's a heartbreaking account of a nonverbal girl who was discovered to be pregnant, and another of a girl who was raped and for weeks would only speak in monologues involving sharks, her biggest fear, as a coping mechanism). There are multiple chapters on sex and dating, which are almost exclusively on heterosexual relationships; however, one chapter ends with a short paragraph explaining that while little is known about lesbians on the spectrum, the authors still found two books on the subject to recommend. I was in the closet at the time, and I remember being touched that the authors were nice enough to do that. None of the other books on puberty I read, not even American Girls' otherwise awesome The Care and Keeping of You, would devote even a footnote on homosexuality. (Of course nowadays, it's well known that many autistic people are queer, which is another reason why this book is outdated, but it's still really nice and far ahead of many puberty books of the time in that regard.)
Unfortunately, for all those positives, the negatives far outweighed anything else. The authors seemed hellbent on "correcting" ALL autistic behaviors, no matter how harmless. I remember them singling out "watching a Blue's Clues tape" as an example of immaturity. I had several Blue's Clues tapes that I would watch out of comfort, and this specific mention of them as something negative made me panic that my mother would throw them out (thankfully she didn't, but it was a new fear that this book gave me). There's a long section on how to get your daughter to stop watching "immature" shows, namely cartoons, and instead get her to watch more age-appropriate teen dramas. This confused me a lot, because even among neurotypical classmates of mine, cartoons remained popular. I came of age around the time of the "Brony" fad, when teens and adults watched My Little Pony unironically, so preschool shows remained popular with most kids I knew, regardless of whether or not they were on the spectrum. It also singled out Powerpuff Girls as something too childish for teens, even though well into high school, many girls (again, a lot of them not autistic!) had PPG t shirts, backpacks, et cetera. It made me wonder if the authors actually knew what was popular with teens, or if they just hated cartoons and decided that nobody older than 10 should either.
There was also a lot of advice on how to push your daughter towards more feminine interests. Whether or not your child is autistic, that's just bad advice. What's wrong with being a tomboy? I remember the authors seemed to have a grudge against "baggy" clothing in particular. There was also a section on how to convince your daughter to wear a bra, and the reasons contradicted themselves. There was a bullet point list on things to say to your daughter to convince her, and the last two were "draw attention away from your breasts" and "draw attention TO your breasts". Well, which is it? I get that it can be hard to convince your kids to do stuff, but let's not lie to them.
It's really sad, because out of the many books my mother brought home to understand me, this was one of the better ones. (This is the only one I remembered the title to. Believe me, if I could remember the others, ohhh the spree of 1-star reviews I'd go on....) This was one of the few that treated autistic people like human beings rather than pets. Again, I genuinely believe the authors meant well. But the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, in this case forced gender roles and weird defensiveness against harmless media. I can't help but wonder how much of that was influenced by the time period this was written in (2000s and early 2010s), when adults liking cartoons was less acceptable, and culture was more heavily gendered and heteronormative. I'd like to think that had the book been written today, none of my complaints would stand.
January 30, 2018
The authors discuss many aspects of growing up, from puberty to bullying. While the subject can be scary for parents, and some of the items shared by the authors (39 - 83% of females with developmental disabilities will be sexually abused) are horrifying, this is important information for parents to have. The book gives practical insight in to how to help your daughter develop to the best of her ability.
Another thing to realize is that ASD is very individualized and the authors are talking about girls on all realms of the spectrum. They do a good job of showing what you might expect depending on where your daughter falls in relation to various traits. While not an easy or fun read, I feel better about what I need to be doing as my daughter grows up.
Another thing to realize is that ASD is very individualized and the authors are talking about girls on all realms of the spectrum. They do a good job of showing what you might expect depending on where your daughter falls in relation to various traits. While not an easy or fun read, I feel better about what I need to be doing as my daughter grows up.
September 27, 2023
I honestly couldn't bring myself to get much more than 20% through the book, but I'm sure it'll be helpful when I have got a kid that age that needs it. It's a pretty practical guide of what to do while having the data to show you how they got you there.
July 24, 2024
I would recommend this book to read especially before your child is 10 since a lot of it would've been nice to know earlier. There is some helpful information for the high school years. Lots of other references/resources listed in each chapter which is nice.
February 12, 2018
Lots of first-person accounts. Very readable, for family and care-givers, as well as for people on the spectrum themselves.
September 9, 2018
This book had multiple authors and it read like it.
September 16, 2019
A great resource. At first I borrowed this from the Autism Society but it was so good I wanted my own copy to make notes and highlight sections.
July 25, 2020
Great information, but this book was depressing and quite scary. I understand the author is trying to give a realistic picture, but I had difficulty sleeping after reading this book. A good informative read, but not an enjoyable one.
May 16, 2010
A lot of this doesnt apply right now so I just sort of skimmed it. The stuff I did read was pretty depressing
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April 19, 2015Awesome resource for parents (and their daughters with ASD)! Also an awesome resource for professionals working with girls with ASD.
October 10, 2018
Very good advice and strategies for girls in particular but especially girls on the autism spectrum. It help to differentiate between girls that are neurotypical and girls who are not. A lot of supporting resources and help for those experiencing this confusing time.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews