The Lost Art of Relationship: A Journey to Find the Lost Commandment

by Dan Chrystal

Relationships are beautiful messes.

Relationship is a journey of discovery—a lost art. In this generation, it has become challenging to deepen and grow personal relationships with each other. Our technology-flooded environment has left many with limited relational experience and a fear of face-to-face connection and meeting new people.

The church has done a decent job of helping people understand the need and importance of a relationship with God, but what about with each other? At the heart of every man, woman, and child is the need for connection—for relationships with people who love them for who they are.

In The Lost Art of Relationship, Dan Chrystal tackles the heart of relationship based on the time-honored instruction to “love your neighbor as you love yourself.” But what does that mean? How do we live out this odd instruction? Who is my neighbor, anyway? What makes relationships healthy, and what makes them fail? Through Dan’s personal stories and difficult life lessons, readers will come away encouraged, inspired, and motivated to love the people in their life more fully. If you desire deep and meaningful connections, now is the time to discover the lost art of relationship.

“This book will make you laugh and cry. It will make you look at things in a fresh new way. And it will definitely make you uncomfortable.…ultimately, Dan calls us to live, love, and lead like the Jesus we claim to follow.”

—Ray Johnston, author of The Hope Quotient and founding and lead pastor at Bayside Church, Roseville, California

“The Lost Art of Relationship is like a roadmap to finding, building, and treasuring friendships….never before have people seemed so adrift of meaningful, face-to-face relationships. If you are someone who longs for deeper connections, then Dan’s book was written for you!”

—Chris Bueno, Chief Executive Officer of Ocean Avenue Entertainment

“Dan has the gift of risk-taking in seeking out and building relationships. If you want a quick fix to relationships, don’t read this book. But, if you want to learn how to build life-long, meaningful friendships, then this book might be for you.”

—Dr. Sam Huddleston, Assistant Superintendent Assemblies of God, Northern California District, and author of Five Years to Life

239 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 15, 2018

Reviews

[Chautona Havig · Rating 4 out of 5]

Are people worth your time?  No, really.  Are the souls that Jesus Christ lived and died for worth your time?  Of course, they are.   This book begins with that premise (although Dan Chrystal doesn’t put it quite that way) and takes you through just how to “relationship.”

Yeah.  I went there.  I verb-bed it.  If we can “adult” in today’s world, we can “relationship,” too.

Three things about the book really bothered me.  First, as I said, the cover.  I am only mentioning it because, for those who make decisions based on covers, this one shouldn’t deter you. The facade doesn’t reflect the interior, so give it a shot.  Second, pretty sure no one in 1973 got a Social Security card at birth. That was a pilot program in three states in the 80s before it rolled out nationwide in the latter eighties. Bear with me—there’s a point to this.  It’s not a quick read—or at least, it wasn’t for me.

Yeah. That’s it. That’s what bothered me. Two inconsequential things (who cares about a cover when the inside is so great, and who cares about when Social Security cards became an automatic thing?  If I wasn’t a historical fiction author, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed) and a good thing.

Yeah, I wanted to read it fast.  I like to devour books. But you can’t with this one, and that’s a good thing.

So, what did I love specifically about The Lost Art of Relationship? 

It’ll have to be specific because otherwise, I’d just say everything.  I love that he took a difficult topic and made it approachable.  Not once did what he showed feel impossible. Dan Chrystal intertwined enough personal stories (and not one read like those cheesy “examples” that ruin many non-fiction books) with solid Biblical teaching and common sense so that none of it was overdone.

Okay, you can’t “overdo” Scripture.  Not really.  But you can ram it down throats if you’re not careful.  He was… so he didn’t.

None of the common issues with nonfiction surfaced as I read this.  I didn’t find proof-texting. The illustrations fit the point (and was that a relief!). And this feels a bit weird to say, but it’s true. Dan Chrystal didn’t dump a bunch of false humility in here in the way of “here’s everything I’ve ever done wrong.”  We didn’t get this single-sided thing that is so annoying. We saw his strengths, his weaknesses.  Pastor Chrystal showed us, through his examples, just how to live this truth he presented.

I suspected that would be the case when I opened it to read and found an inscription.

Look, this guy sent out a bunch of books to reviewers.  I seriously doubt that I’m the only one who got a hand-written, personalized note in the inside cover.  Dan Chrystal lives what he teaches. With that short note (34 words including salutation/closing names), he opened the doors to relationship.

I recommend The Lost Art of Relationship to anyone looking to make relationships a priority in his or her life. Take your time.  Savor.  Highlight.  Read and reread. I'm so glad I requested a review copy.

I’m not a big fan of taking Bible study time to study topics instead of, I don’t know, THE BIBLE … But for something like The Lost Art of Relationship, and for a short amount of time, I’d do it.  I really think it’s that important.

[Jessica Baker (A Baker's Perspective) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relationships are a tricky thing, and in some ways they have changed over the course of the years. These days I see young people so easily say the words “I Love You” whereas I save those for special people. These days young people are also quick to judge, mock, and throw away so-called friendships over silly things. What happened to the notion of loving others? Even for Christians we are to love others as Christ loved us. Where has that gone?

Dan Chrystal does a great job of pointing out this very fact, among others. Relationships aren’t what they used to be and many, if not all of them require work. I have a few broken relationships myself, and I have to admit that some conviction happened surrounding these relationships in reading this. That’s a good thing by the way. I know I need work, I guess I just needed a gentle reminder.

Chrystal challenges the reader to go deep, and through this you may discover some things. Things about yourself, others, and your relationships with them. Discover which relationships are healthy, which ones are toxic. He also provides in depth discussion about how we can handle broken relationships, hurts, fears and more. Although I feel this is probably advised for adults to read, I have to say that I am pretty tempted to have my teenager read it. After all, she needs to know about relationships. The good, the bad, and the in-between. Perhaps if she learns now at an early age, she won’t make some of the mistakes her mama made!

Overall, this book has a little something for every reader out there. Maybe every chapter doesn’t apply to you (or so you think). Even so, I encourage you to read it. I think you’ll find out you will be glad you did. I received a complimentary copy of this book. I was not required to write a favorable review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[Virginia Winfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very good book about relationships. It tries to tell you about the true way to get into a relationship with anyone. This is a book to help you to make friends. This gives some very good ideas. I received a copy of this book from Celebratelit for a fair and honest opinion that I gave of my own free will.

[Lila Diller · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, readers need to be aware right at the beginning that this book is not just about romantic relationships. The principles in this book are broader and are meant to be applied to all kinds of relationships.

I rated this book 3 stars. I didn't hate it. But I didn't love it, either. I became more and more disillusioned with this book for two main reasons.

1. I found the quality of editing to be lacking. I found several wrong words or missing words. Weak sentences, using linking verbs or “there was” constructions, riddled the chapters. Many times a sentence merely restated what the author had already said and didn't add anything new. And several instances of “writerly,” wordy meta-discourse dirtied the pages with “it is true that” and “who are those who” constructions. I expect a few in this casual style, but this book was riddled with weak sentences and even a few poorly organized sections. I hoped I had received a nonedited review copy, but I asked around and found that wasn't the case. So this brought it down a star in rating for me.

2. I guess I just set my expectations too high again for a practical book that would really give me some specific ideas I could use to strengthen all my relationships. It didn't. While inspirational in many areas and even motivational in a few, answering “what” filled the vast majority of the pages, often silent on the “how.” I had hoped to find the kind of people who want more meaningful friendships than the casual, “Hey, how are you doing?” as we pass in the church halls. But this book did not address the questions of how to make time in our busy, screen-saturated society. Nor did it really address what to do if the other person rejects or ignores your offer of friendship. The lack of practical application brought it down another star for me.

I expected each chapter to begin with a story from the author's personal experience, move to an explanation of the topic, and then end with some kind of application. Though most chapters included a personal story, not every one of them did. The problem for me was that not only did the structure vary from chapter to chapter, but also the theses weren't always clear. Some of the chapters seemed to say, “be like this person in this area, this area, and this area,” even though the chapter was only supposed to be talking about one area at a time. I think it's because the story didn't pinpoint one moment in time to illustrate one specific point, usually. The author focused on the person's character as a whole, which wasn't really compelling for me. The author really showed his humility in spotlighting other people in his life. However, I don't know that his expertise was ever established enough.

However, now that I've got my ranting out of the way, I want to refocus on the good things. I pulled many nuggets of wisdom and saved these quotes to revisit. I was also motivated to work harder in some of my friendships. I picked up this book mainly to learn how to find more meaningful friendships, turning a few acquaintances into life-long best friends. But I really came to see that this wasn't about how to attract the right kind of friend; this was about how I can be a better friend. The Holy Spirit used this book to convict me of several areas I thought I was a good friend in but came to realize that I wasn't being as good a friend as I thought.

I liked the premise, I liked the wonderful nuggets I pulled, and I liked the author's humility. But I can't recommend it as a marriage-counseling book for newlyweds, as it doesn't talk about specific problems in marriage but general problems in all relationships. And I can't recommend it as a book on how to fix a broken relationship, as it doesn't offer many practical suggestions of what steps to take next.

I can recommend it to teens who are preparing to adventure out into the world and could use some general principles of interpersonal relationships. I also could see it used as a devotional in a group setting. If group members would be willing to share their struggles and especially their methods of dealing with them, I think it could be a great conversation starter.

On the plus side, there were many wonderful golden nuggets I pulled out that I will be revisiting:

He answers the age-old question, "How do I respond to 'does this outfit make me look fat' when I think it does?" (Men, see p. 175 for the answer.)

Examples of questions to ask to get to know someone better or to defuse a conflict on pages 185-186.

“We will all go through dark moments or even dark seasons. Those are the times when friends double down on the friendship—to be there for each other. Think of a time when you were going through an extremely dark moment in your life. Who was there with you? Who stuck with you even though it was difficult? When you are pressed down and surrounded on all sides, who still sits with you, cries with you, and helps you? These are friends.” (p.60)

"...Relationship transcends external differences." (p.68)

"...The purpose of relationship. In one word, it is companionship... Why do families fall apart? It probably has something to do with a discrepancy in companionship." (p.48)

"Laughing at yourself and not taking yourself too seriously is an art form." (p.80)

"Humility is the antidote to jealousy. Jealousy cannot reside where humility has moved in." (p.102)

"...We are always learning... And it is through relationships that we learn and grow the fastest." Boy, do I have some learning to do!

"Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future." (quoting Robert H. Schuller on page 120)

Full review on my blog at www.liladiller.com/blog/lost-art-of-r... on 1/22/19.

(I received this book for free. The decision to write a review, as well as the opinions expressed in it, are all my own. I was not compensated for this review.)

[Deana Dick · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title of this book had me a little uncomfortable. I am not good at developing relationships and very rarely let anyone in my little circle . It is all a matter of trust for me, so I began this book with an open heart ready to receive some words from God . It didn't take me long to get my first "Are you paying attention to me Deana?, from God. " Every relationship needs to be mutual; most of the time, we need to work hard at maintaining healthy relationships; and some of the most beneficial relationships can happen through tragic circumstances." Well that smacked me right in the face and I sat a little straighter realizing that I have developed a very special relationship from tragedy.

We all need relationships and sometimes if we pay attention, we will see someone who is lonely or hurting that could use a friend. I have always been the type that if I see someone crying I will stop to see if they need help. It is easy sometimes for me to reach out, but so difficult to let others try to help me.

When I was younger I was bullied everyday in school. My dad was a pastor and He was extremely strict. The kids at school made fun of my clothes, my hair or just anything to make me cry and believe that I wasn't good enough. Over the years relationships became very hard for me. I love how the author goes into details about being considerate of others feelings. We may take their silence to mean they don't want to talk, but it could be they just need someone close by to feel needed. How many times have we gotten mad at someone that cut us off the road, or stepped in line in front of us? Those little things can stop us from wanting to be friendly, but I have learned that everyone has a bad day.

We need to bring relationships back to where God designed them. He wants us to be His hands and feet. In order to do that we need to build relationships with others to share compassion, forgiveness and love. The author gives great examples of people in the bible who were warned not to judge by their looks or height. I'm sure we are all guilty of using our first impression of someone and writing them off as someone to get to know.

The author has written a book that I find very informative and helpful in relationships. One of the subjects I liked the most was about forgiveness. That word sends shivers done my spine as I deal with this on a regular basis. " Living a life of forgiveness has its own side effects that are much more beneficial to us-they are sweetness, happiness, and joy." I am still a work in progress but I so desire to have better relationships with others and learn to forgive quickly.

Each chapter is filled with different subjects like, honesty, trust and love. I loved how he summed everything up with this, " I hope you will begin to unearth the lost commandment, to love others as you love yourself." "When you do, may you start to live a fulfilled, abundant life through your relationship with God and your relationships with others."

I received a copy of this book from Celebrate Lit. The review is my own opinion.

[Nyla Kay · Rating 4 out of 5]

In his book, author Dan Chrystal tackles what family and friends of mine have been discussing for a few years now, “The Lost Art of Relationship.” With the advances of technology our face to face communication skills seem to have dwindled. That has changed our relationships or our thoughts on them.

This was a “head nodding book” for me. My husband asked what I was reading because I was literally nodding my head in agreement. It provides some information for everyone. The author has written a scriptural based book on relationships no matter what type of relationship. His book even gives readers a chance to look inward on what type of friend they are.

Chapters are divided into various sections of Foundations of Relationships, Obstacles of Relationships, and Building Blocks of Relationships. Substantiating his views with personal experiences and Scriptures, the author has researched and planned his book well. His writing style uses plain language that is easily understood. However, I found that the book could have been just a bit better organized.

I loved the section discussing friendship during trials. “We will all go through dark moments or even dark seasons. Those are the times when friends double down on the friendship—to be there for each other.” Double down on friendship really made an impact on me. Not just be there for your friend, but double down. Wise words.

Going through a rough period is when one truly finds out who one’s friends are. This is totally relatable to most everyone. Me, included. True friends will stay beside you and wait out the storm. They will help you through it and not leave until the weather gets better. Now I thought about my friends in the midst of storms. How could I be a better friend to them?

This is a book everyone should read. It will provide insight into relationships of all types. Teens would benefit from it as it prompts what to look for in a potential relationship and what to beware of in friends. I wish it had a few more suggestions or advice on the “how to” side of things. All in all, it is a really good book.

I rated it 4 out of 5 stars. I would recommend it to everyone, especially to teenagers and young adults. They seem to be moving farther away from relationship knowledge. Anyone will pick up positive tidbits from this. A copy was provided from Celebrate Lit but I was under no obligation to post a review. These are my own honest words.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Lost Art of Relationship" by Dan Chrystal is a book that I am really excited about writing a review for as I really feel everyone should read this book more than once, even through it clearly points that Jesus is the best friend and example to follow to have healthy relationships, I even recommend it to nonbelievers because the author shares things that are valuable and must have in a relationship in order for relationships to be healthy.

I appreciate the fact that the author is honest about his feelings of insecurely. I feel like when an author is honest, it makes readers, especially this reader relate more and want to follow the advice in the book.

This book covers trust, honesty, forgiveness and anger and how to really get to know someone and how to be a real friend.

These are a few things I got from the book, but I must say the books has many more worthwhile things to discover, so I beg you to get the book and read it for yourself.
Don't decide to have or not have a relationship based on first impressions because there are a lot of factors that are involved in the first meeting. "When we treat others how we want to be treated it begins with me but doesn't end there."

There is even info on how to deal with unhealthy relationships and how to reconcile if all possible.

I was given a complimentary copy by the author and Celebrate Lit. These opinions are my own.

[Becca Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes! Yes! 1000 times this!! This book is so much more than a complaint over how social media is taking over the world and crippling our ability to relate to one another. No, instead it's an in-depth look at our vital need for real, intimate relationships with others. Yes, we live in a broken world where relationships are messy, but that doesn't in any way eliminate our need for them. We were created to have relationship with our Heavenly Father and with each other. Anyone who says they don't need friends is either lying, delusional, or deeply wounded. yet when you remove the mask of whatever prevents us from seeking relationships with others, you will always find true longing. Relationships are hard work, but they are also rewarding.

There is literally something for everyone in these pages. There are sections about our need for relationships, how to nourish them, how to overcome hurts, how having a character worthy of friendship, choosing the right friends, and much, much more. There are so many great uses for this book and so many things to take away from it. Absolutely one I would highly recommend!

*I received a copy of this book through Celebrate Lit Tours. Thoughts and opinions expressed are mine alone.

[Joan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like how Chrystal reminds us that relationships are part of that abundant life God promised. God designed us for relationship. He put us here to influence and impact others. But we must be intentional about relationships as they will not just happen without effort.

I like how he has arranged the book. He informs us of what make the foundation for stable relationships of all kinds. He identifies obstacles, those things holding us back, and helps us overcome them. He also gives the building blocks of establishing good relationships, like trust, honest, humility and more.

Chrystal is very open and shares many of his own experiences. He frequently illustrations principles with a good story from his own life. He is also very practical and gives suggested questions to ask when starting a relationship, for example.

I recommend this book to any reader who is interested in what makes up good relationships and how to form them. This would also be a good book for parents to read along with their teens as it contains great information necessary for relationships in a world dominated by social media.

I received a complimentary digital copy of this book through Celebrate Lit. My comments are an independent and honest review.

[Jennifer J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written by a pastor who has made the study of relationship his passion, The Lost Art of Relationship digs deep into the foundations, obstacles and building blocks of all relationships – from the very close to the semi-casual. The book provides a wealth of information and food for thought as well as some very helpful skills for improving and fine-tuning all relationships.

The Lost Art of Relationship is filled with well-placed quotes, excellent reasoning, thorough discussion and earnest encouragement to practice and live out the principles contained therein. This is a book to keep and review regularly lest one become complacent or neglectful of the fundamentals of positive life-affirming relationships.

Designed to fully engage the reader from the beginning, the author issues an earnest challenge to “keep in mind the idea of intentionality in relationships. Think about how you are strategically placed to influence and impact those around you wherever you go. . . You are here for a reason, and healthy relationships is a big part of it.”

Highly recommended – we all need and deserve this one!

Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book. A favorable review was not required, no compensation was received, and all views expressed are my own.

[Mary Hake · Rating 5 out of 5]

This informative book’s twenty-two chapters are divided into three sections: Foundations, Obstacles, and Building Blocks of Relationships. Discover what relationship is really all about and how to develop a close one by truly getting to know another person. The author shares personal experiences and lessons learned, along with insights to help readers master authentic personal relationships. God created humans to be in relationship, and we need each other—in person, working at strengthening our connections. We can do this by asking questions and sharing our hearts. The author presents the type of purposeful questions to use in deepening our knowledge of another. This can be used within family relationships, in building friendships, and in business networking. Whenever you meet someone new, you can ask questions to get to know the person and build a relationship. I found this book interesting and helpful, and I recommend it. I received a copy from Celebrate Lit. All opinions are my own.

[Patti Pierce · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Lost Art of Relationship by Dan Chrystal is a must-read book if you are interested in having deeper and more meaningful relationships with those around you. The author does an excellent job of breaking the book down into sections which cover: Foundations of Relationships, Obstacles of Relationships, and Building Blocks of Relationships. He uses easy to read and understand language along with personal experiences and Scriptures to back up what he is saying.

As a pastor, being able to establish meaningful relationships is a necessity. But establishing fruitful relationships applies to everyone. God did not create man to be alone. He created us to have relationships with those around us and with Him as well. This book does an excellent job of conveying both of those points without being “preachy”. So if you are a person who desires deeper, and more meaningful relationships, check out this book for yourself.

[Robbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dan Chrystal’s book, The Lost Art of Relationship (A Journey to Find the Lost Commandment), has, in addition to the forward and introduction, 23 chapters divided into three sections. He begins his book with questions and ends the book with questions, which are great platforms for the book.

Chrystal leads us on a journey to discover the meaning of Matthew 22: 39b King James Version (KJV), “...Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” As we follow the journey, we get glimpses of his life through personal stories illustrating his insights into building different relationships, be they friends, family, spouse, children or business associates. Each personal story leads us back to the Biblical guidelines integral to the lessons we are learning.

The book will start you on a quest to explore and examine your own relationships and give you tools to strengthen and enhance each one.

I received a copy of the book from Celebrate Lit. However, I was under no obligation to post a review.

[Rosalyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is one that I found very relevant and helpful. I've struggled with knowing how to successfully build & maintain relationships. The author offers helps, both from personal experience, but more importantly, from the Bible. I appreciate how he also has good common sense mixed in. There is so much here to learn.

I think this book can apply to anyone who wants to learn to improve their relationships. After all, if we are striving to follow Jesus, who of us doesn't want to live and love like Him?

I was blessed and challenged through reading this book.

Disclaimer: I receive complimentary books from various sources, including, publishers, publicists, authors, and/or NetGalley. I am not required to write a positive review, and have not received any compensation. The opinions shared here are my own entirely. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

[Janice Sisemore · Rating 4 out of 5]

The lost Art of Relationship

The book breaks down in several sections. Some I found interesting and some not. One of those is The Art of First Impressions. We should not go by first impressions. It takes time to develop friendships and relationships.

Another section covers the Purpose of Relationships. I love that the author points out that God did not want us to be alone. There is four reasons to connect with others. One of which is that it pleases God.

Actually this one of those books to read more than once or go through it slow. There is a lot of good information in the book.

I received an complimentary copy of the book from the author through Celebrate Lit. I was not required to write an positive review. This is my own opinion.

[Holly Doherty · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this day and age where social media "friendships" pass for real, face-to-face relationships - where it's easy to simply unfriend people for the slightest offense (which often includes simply not AGREEING with you on every issue), where friendships are superficial at best and disposable at worst, The Lost Art of Relationship is a breath of fresh air. The advice is mature, practical, and much-needed. The author gives excellent advice on dealing with difficult relationships, repairing broken trust, setting boundaries in relationships when needed, and loving people when we disagree with them - SO needed in today's society. Thank you, Dan Crystal, for a well-thought-out, biblical approach to relationships.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t entirely agree with the Authors theology at points, however this is a great book on building relationships, something I’m terrible at. It is one iwilllisten to again, and will probably look fora print or kindle version on sale to help certain points to “sink in better”. I love how he gives practical advice on how to overcome problems in relationships.

[James Brunetto · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dan uses both personal experiences and scripture to give us the tools necessary to build and strengthen relationships with the people God has surrounded us with. Very nicely done!