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Talk
We spend much of our days talking. Yet we know little about the conversational engine that drives our everyday lives. We are pushed and pulled around by language far more than we realize, yet are seduced by stereotypes and myths about communication.
This book will change the way you think about talk. It will explain the big pay-offs to understanding conversation scientifically.
Elizabeth Stokoe, a social psychologist, has spent over twenty years collecting and analysing real conversations across settings as varied as first dates, crisis negotiation, sales encounters and medical communication. This book describes some of the findings of her own research, and that of other conversation analysts around the world.
Through numerous examples from real interactions between friends, partners, colleagues, police officers, mediators, doctors and many others, you will learn that some of what you think you know about talk is wrong. But you will also uncover fresh insights about how to have better conversations - using the evidence from fifty years of research about the science of talk.
This book will change the way you think about talk. It will explain the big pay-offs to understanding conversation scientifically.
Elizabeth Stokoe, a social psychologist, has spent over twenty years collecting and analysing real conversations across settings as varied as first dates, crisis negotiation, sales encounters and medical communication. This book describes some of the findings of her own research, and that of other conversation analysts around the world.
Through numerous examples from real interactions between friends, partners, colleagues, police officers, mediators, doctors and many others, you will learn that some of what you think you know about talk is wrong. But you will also uncover fresh insights about how to have better conversations - using the evidence from fifty years of research about the science of talk.
288 pages, Paperback
Published October 30, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
October 19, 2019
Talk: CARM (Conversational Analytic Role-Play)
We converse spontaneously, but that doesn’t mean our conversations are random. Actually, most conversations are made up of key building blocks and follow predictable patterns. Understanding conversational elements and how they fit together is the best method for analyzing and improving how we talk, and for avoiding conversational pitfalls that create friction and misunderstandings.
(blinkist)
We converse spontaneously, but that doesn’t mean our conversations are random. Actually, most conversations are made up of key building blocks and follow predictable patterns. Understanding conversational elements and how they fit together is the best method for analyzing and improving how we talk, and for avoiding conversational pitfalls that create friction and misunderstandings.
(blinkist)
June 18, 2019
The book is a well written and entertaining introduction to many phenomena investigated in the analysis of the way we talk. I'm happy to have read it, but I have a couple of deep dissatisfactions (as somebody who also studies the way we talk).
1. The epistemic perspective
The book walks a difficult line between the emic perspective of Conversation Analysis (what matters is how speakers display reaction to X) and a more evidence based perspective (this is a recurrent pattern in the data) without really going quantitative and experimental (how recurrent? how generalizable? Can we manipulate it reliably? Etc.). I feel a qualitative person would feel disappointed in the overall attempt at giving generalizable evidence. I know I feel disappointed in the lack of statistical inferences. How frequent are these patterns? Do they change (and how) over time in the person? According to the context? According to the language? Giving 3 examples and claiming generality is a hard sale.
2. The general theory
I felt the book was very scattered conceptually. There are a few underlying theoretical threads, but no explicit spelled out theoretical argument developed throughout the book. Probably related to 1.
1. The epistemic perspective
The book walks a difficult line between the emic perspective of Conversation Analysis (what matters is how speakers display reaction to X) and a more evidence based perspective (this is a recurrent pattern in the data) without really going quantitative and experimental (how recurrent? how generalizable? Can we manipulate it reliably? Etc.). I feel a qualitative person would feel disappointed in the overall attempt at giving generalizable evidence. I know I feel disappointed in the lack of statistical inferences. How frequent are these patterns? Do they change (and how) over time in the person? According to the context? According to the language? Giving 3 examples and claiming generality is a hard sale.
2. The general theory
I felt the book was very scattered conceptually. There are a few underlying theoretical threads, but no explicit spelled out theoretical argument developed throughout the book. Probably related to 1.
April 1, 2020
I have observed most of the community reviewers have marked this book as three stars but mine one is four because the book explores at best the art of conversation. This book totally different from other books written on art of communication as the former is devoted mainly on informal daily conversations made spontaneously and randomly while the latter are dedicated to formal communication like running and attending meetings or persuasions or negotiations etc.
No doubt, most conversations are made up of key building blocks and follow predictable patterns. Understanding conversational elements and how they fit together is the best method, this book teaches, for analyzing and improving how you talk, and for avoiding conversational pitfalls that create friction and misunderstandings. That's all about this book guides you the techniques. I recommend to friends to get its copy and read it.
No doubt, most conversations are made up of key building blocks and follow predictable patterns. Understanding conversational elements and how they fit together is the best method, this book teaches, for analyzing and improving how you talk, and for avoiding conversational pitfalls that create friction and misunderstandings. That's all about this book guides you the techniques. I recommend to friends to get its copy and read it.
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March 26, 2020I am co-editing a volume of papers on "Applied Philosophy of Language", and it would have been interesting to have included some of the kind of applied conversational analysis discussed here, but I confess I wasn't familiar with the Harvey Sacks-style approach to conversation until meeting Mark Dingemanse at the Stanford Humanities Center in 2017. There's a lot for philosophers of language to chew on here, starting with the value of just looking at lots of examples of speech occurring in natural (non-experimental) situations. Turns out that you can observe a lot just by looking. As philosophers get more interested in previously marginalized aspects of language, like discourse markers, it's inevitable that they'll start thinking more about fine-grained discourse structure that starts to incorporate meaningful pauses, intakes of breath, overlapping talk, etc. Linguists are already all over that stuff--for example:
Dingemanse, M. (2020). Between sound and speech: Liminal signs in interaction. Research on Language and Social Interaction, 53(1), 188-196. doi:10.1080/08351813.2020.1712967.
So there's lots for philosophers here, even if it isn't framed within a general theory of communication of the kind that philosophers are used to.
Dingemanse, M. (2020). Between sound and speech: Liminal signs in interaction. Research on Language and Social Interaction, 53(1), 188-196. doi:10.1080/08351813.2020.1712967.
So there's lots for philosophers here, even if it isn't framed within a general theory of communication of the kind that philosophers are used to.
August 29, 2023
Once you get past the initial onslaught of jargon and new terminology, this book definitely fulfills its purpose. However, that purpose is unlikely to make you a better conversationalist, and is more geared towards introducing some of the rules and regularities that underlie our everyday communications. I unserstood most of it fairly easily, and took the odd tip out of it, but didn't get as much as I was hoping for.
November 12, 2019
I read this book thanks to Blinkist.
Very fascinating stuff!
Very fascinating stuff!
July 10, 2020
I read this book because I listened to the Blink on Blinkist. I thought the topic sounded really interesting.
The book was an interesting read, but it could have been better. The author spends A LOT of time justifying the existence of conversation analysis. Drop all the justification and maybe take up less physical space with the examples and there would be room for more interesting topics.
I found chapters 5 and 6 to be the most interesting. The topics in those chapters were things that I can see in every day life and relate to.
The book was an interesting read, but it could have been better. The author spends A LOT of time justifying the existence of conversation analysis. Drop all the justification and maybe take up less physical space with the examples and there would be room for more interesting topics.
I found chapters 5 and 6 to be the most interesting. The topics in those chapters were things that I can see in every day life and relate to.
January 17, 2022
This book is to the science of conversation as the book Thinking Fast and Slow is to cognitive psychology. Firstly, the book attempts to justify conversation analysis as a science. It uses logical inferences to do so. It provides all evidence required to make these analyses and it admits that whilst some of it's assumptions are not reflective of perfect generalisations, that at least by following the basic assumptions of a few rules i.e. conversational units, turn pairs, preferred responses, word suggestibility, we can predict where a conversation is going and it's likely outcome. This book is incredibly interesting because it dares the reader to try some of the analysis for oneself. Therein lies the ending of the book, with general rules to follow to improve conversation. Namely...forget analysing at all whilst you are talking! You'll be doing it subconsciously anyway so don't worry about it. Truthfully, if I could summarise this book in a sentence: "All talk serves a function, conversation analysis is a means to figure out talk's functionality". Incredibly interesting book, with some genuine laugh out loud moments too but this is few and far between as I would describe this book towards the academic ("dry") side. That may be personal preference though. Of course I am not educated enough in the field to say whether this methodology is the correct way to analyse conversation, but it certainly replaces my previous model of conversation which is "be nice and good conversations happen". Be warned! Unless you read right through to the end you might end up like me and incredibly socially awkward being introduced to these concepts until you read the tips at the end to generally be a natural, humble type of person who happens to know a few key words that steer conversation (you'll learn a few of those)! Overall, I feel like a more socially aware human for reading this book, which approached things without dipping it's head in the sand as a lot of these types of books do. If the author is reading this review, chances are I've given something away. Damn it.
May 20, 2026
I thought this was a really worthwhile book and have already recommended it to my volunteer colleagues. Some things perhaps didn't surprise me (the business of using someone's name to build rapport as fake), and the importance of how you word requests, but with useful examples. It's not a 'communication skills handbook' but there's plenty in there to pull out. I found the section on gendered communication fascinating, thoughtful... and corrective.
The use of examples from the Friends TV series was a laugh and indeed a reminder of the glorious subversiveness of Phoebe Buffay. The examples from police negotiators and people in crisis more sobering. Some of the excerpts of conversation analysis work more generally seemed a tad weird somehow.
My quibble was with the frequent comments about how people generally overestimate the importance of body language. I would say that is only because professionals/academics have told people this over and over (although perhaps we were a receptive audience?)
The use of examples from the Friends TV series was a laugh and indeed a reminder of the glorious subversiveness of Phoebe Buffay. The examples from police negotiators and people in crisis more sobering. Some of the excerpts of conversation analysis work more generally seemed a tad weird somehow.
My quibble was with the frequent comments about how people generally overestimate the importance of body language. I would say that is only because professionals/academics have told people this over and over (although perhaps we were a receptive audience?)
October 19, 2019
“We converse spontaneously, but that doesn’t mean our conversations are random. Actually, most conversations are made up of key building blocks and follow predictable patterns. Understanding conversational elements and how they fit together is the best method for analyzing and improving how we talk, and for avoiding conversational pitfalls that create friction and misunderstandings.
Actionable advice:
Use your words!
Trying to improve communication strategies at work? Don’t reach for a tired role-play. Recording and analyzing actual interactions will give you far more accurate insight into how your communications can be enhanced. The best way to do this is to create a body of real-time recorded conversations. With your employees’ permission, start recording real-time interactions. Phone conversations or meetings are a great place to start. Once you have enough raw material, you’ll be able to identify conversational problems and strategize solutions.”
Actionable advice:
Use your words!
Trying to improve communication strategies at work? Don’t reach for a tired role-play. Recording and analyzing actual interactions will give you far more accurate insight into how your communications can be enhanced. The best way to do this is to create a body of real-time recorded conversations. With your employees’ permission, start recording real-time interactions. Phone conversations or meetings are a great place to start. Once you have enough raw material, you’ll be able to identify conversational problems and strategize solutions.”
June 11, 2020
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Its layout and personable tone made for an easy read and had me engrossed for chapters on end. Liz ran a criminology module that I studied at Loughborough university in my final year (2017) and it became the reason I studied an MSc Psychology conversion. I’ve always been a self-confessed logophile and fascinated by anything that explores and makes sense of language. This book, for me, encapsulates both the wonders of language and psychological insight and truly did change the way I think about talk. It is packed with take home points, models and references that I will go back to in years to come.
August 8, 2020
I completed a dissertation for my MSc using the methods of discursive psychology some years ago so I was familiar with conversation analysis and the idea of talk as action through which we can achieve certain objectives. The book reminded me of some key findings in the field and introduced me to some others. I found much of the material interesting but was confused by the structure. To me it felt a bit haphazard. Would have preferred a clearer and more logical ordering of the contents.
April 3, 2019
Useless. Postmodernist.
“Words are important.” Yes. I know. I agree.
Can we talk about that now? Some depth? No, just reams of shallow taxonomy. And postmodern preoccupations throughout!
If you’re already curious about speech, you’ll be mostly bored with this 300 page admonishment. I learned some things, mostly accidentally, mostly derived from my own thoughts.
“Words are important.” Yes. I know. I agree.
Can we talk about that now? Some depth? No, just reams of shallow taxonomy. And postmodern preoccupations throughout!
If you’re already curious about speech, you’ll be mostly bored with this 300 page admonishment. I learned some things, mostly accidentally, mostly derived from my own thoughts.
October 22, 2022
I thought it would be pedagogical or pop psyc to talk about talk, but it is not.
The book can be divided in 3 main parts: explaining the method of conversation analysis, basics of conversational turns and examples of language-based nudge.
Like the examples and demonstration of conversation analysis at work.
The book can be divided in 3 main parts: explaining the method of conversation analysis, basics of conversational turns and examples of language-based nudge.
Like the examples and demonstration of conversation analysis at work.
February 24, 2020
One of the main take from the book is 'look at actual and real data'.
The book is full of examples and qualitative analyses. Yet, I wish some findings would be extended to the full corpus with quantitative analyses to draw final conclusions.
The book is full of examples and qualitative analyses. Yet, I wish some findings would be extended to the full corpus with quantitative analyses to draw final conclusions.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 10, 2020
As an aspiring conversational designer for chatbots, this book opened up a whole new way of analysing conversation flow design. From language use to listening and breaking down myths, very worth while read.
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February 25, 2024This book looks at how people talk from a scientific perspective. It's not a self help book to improve communication, but I do get more sensitive to mistakes I make or others make in their communication.
The first learning is - there are turns in communications. I felt really bad when a person having 1:1 meetings with me. She was talking 90% of the time during the meeting, not having any pause, and she can say something over and over again without noticing it. After reading this book, I sort of understand that why I felt bad about it. There are turns in talks. Everyone knows how to build a turn and monitors each other's turn. That person who talked incessantly just didn't allow me to take my turn. (Probably because she didn't think I could say something that is important enough)
The second learning I had is - don't build rapport. One example in the book is a sales tried to build rapport with a customer by asking the customer's name, but failed. This reminds me of what I do at work - when I say "hi" to people, I usually call their names (maybe unconsciously with the intent of building rapport?) But it turned out to be offensive to someone who is from a completely different culture than mine. After reading the example, I think maybe I should stop doing that because names can also function as summons (quote "People are trained to use names to build rapport without knowing their function as a summons.")
One downside of reading this book is that I tend to pay too much attention to conversations, and it's making me more nervous about talking to people and distracting me from getting my work done. But I should be able to get over it when I start my next book. :)
The first learning is - there are turns in communications. I felt really bad when a person having 1:1 meetings with me. She was talking 90% of the time during the meeting, not having any pause, and she can say something over and over again without noticing it. After reading this book, I sort of understand that why I felt bad about it. There are turns in talks. Everyone knows how to build a turn and monitors each other's turn. That person who talked incessantly just didn't allow me to take my turn. (Probably because she didn't think I could say something that is important enough)
The second learning I had is - don't build rapport. One example in the book is a sales tried to build rapport with a customer by asking the customer's name, but failed. This reminds me of what I do at work - when I say "hi" to people, I usually call their names (maybe unconsciously with the intent of building rapport?) But it turned out to be offensive to someone who is from a completely different culture than mine. After reading the example, I think maybe I should stop doing that because names can also function as summons (quote "People are trained to use names to build rapport without knowing their function as a summons.")
One downside of reading this book is that I tend to pay too much attention to conversations, and it's making me more nervous about talking to people and distracting me from getting my work done. But I should be able to get over it when I start my next book. :)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 18, 2019
I read the blinkist abridgement.
October 21, 2021
Took some initial perseverance but the application and psychology really took off at the end - fascinating new way to think about how we express ourselves.
January 16, 2023
Interesting content from a conversational linguistics researcher. Lots of conversation examples, and well explained content but felt like skimming the surface of the field
June 25, 2023
Took a while as this didn't really hold my attention. Nice to get a slightly different perspective on communication though.
June 26, 2024
This book has the odd interesting take, but is mostly common sense and is very redundant.
September 11, 2024
Came in with high hopes, the information presented by Stokoe did not feel very useful out of the context of this book. She introduces many terms and descriptions for patterns in conversation, many of the patterns are things we all do instinctively, but it was cool reading it back and categorizing them and having words to describe them. However once the reader spends the time and energy to learn the terms, didn't feel there were enough useful insights presented to make it worthwhile.
December 30, 2023
“Most of us are not psychologists. But we are—whether we realize it or not—conversation analysts. We make decisions about who people are from what they do and say as our evidence base.”
January 15, 2019
I found this very readable with lots of conversation examples that help to dispel some of the myths of conversation (e.g. that women talk more than men). It really makes the reader think about some of the ways that we ask questions and how we might rephrase them to get better quality responses.
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews