Head Over Heels: Wives Who Stay with Cross-Dressers and Transsexuals (Human Sexuality

by Virginia Erhardt

Candid, first-hand accounts of couples who stay together despite highly emotional gender issues. Head Over Heels gives voice to thirty ordinary women who live extraordinary lives as partners to crossdressers, transgenderists, and male-to-female transsexuals. These unique women discuss, with honesty and great candor, how they first learned of their partners’ gender issues, how they’ve coped with the emotions that followed, how they’ve dealt with concerns about privacy/secrecy, and how they’ve handled disclosure to children, friends, and family members. Far from a collection of “happily ever after” stories, these narratives are filled with pain, courage, curiosity, and joy as each woman struggles to redefine a relationship that includes intimacy, social acceptance, dignity, and respect. The women whose stories are featured in Head Over Heels didn't know their partners were gender-variant when they first met. Some found out early on; others learned of their husbands' gender variance after decades of marriage. Some were told by their husbands―men they considered “regular guys;” others found out on their own, sometimes in shocking ways. Their stories represent a wide spectrum of women's life experiences with crossdressers, transgenderists, transsexuals who are nonoperative, pre-operative, and post-operative, families without children, families with children at home, and families with children who have left home. But these women share one thing in each has decided to stay in her relationship, exploring her new life with an open, yet cautious, heart. Some of the voices heard in Head Over Heels : Head Over Heels also includes historical and current information about resources and support for wives of gender-variant people, and a substantive introduction that includes basic information about sexual and gender identity and related issues.

264 pages, Paperback

First published November 14, 2006

Reviews

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I posted some comments but they didn't get saved. Anyway, I'm curious to see how many of these relationships are still going strong after the decade and a half since the book was published.

[Gwen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book consists of short narratives/interviews of women who are (or were) married to transgender individuals -- both cross-dressers and transsexuals. The accounts vary from complete acceptance to almost complete rejection on the part of the women. Most of the individuals who were interviewed for this book seemed to be older (in their 50s and 60s and 70s), which provided a slightly skewed sample basis. The author provides commentary about each couple as well as an overall discussion of transgender issues.

[Andrew]

Cited in Transgender 101: A Simple Guide to a Complex Issue.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoughtful and moving, these women's courage will challenge your assumptions about what it means to be a wife.