The Unspeakable Skipton: The Modern Classic

Dorothy Merlin #1

by Pamela Hansford Johnson

'Witty, satirical and deftly malicious' Anthony Burgess

'A maliciously witty account of literary skulduggery and loft pretensions.' TLS

Delve into the sparkling and satirical world of Pamela Hansford Johnson with this wickedly funny tragicomedy about a destitute English author living in Bruges.

Living in near destitution in Bruges, once successful British author Skipton is skulking in a café when he spies a group of well to do countrymen on holiday. Surviving on payments from his long-suffering publishers for novels he has no intention of delivering, and money from an elderly aunt, he spies an opportunity to swindle the tourists. But when an Italian aristocrat arrives, Skipton recognises an opportunity to earn even more, and conspires with a Flemish antique dealer to sell him a convincing fake. But will the conman himself be conned?

'Very funny' Independent

'If this is not a great book, then I don't know what greatness is.' Edith Sitwell

Genres: Fiction, Classics, Humor, British Literature, Comedy, Literature, 20th Century

240 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1959

About the author

Pamela Hansford Johnson was born in 1912 and gained recognition with her first novel, This Bed Thy Centre, published in 1935. She wrote 27 novels. Her themes centred on the moral responsibility of the individual in their personal and social relations. The fictional genres she used ranged from romantic comedy (Night and Silence, Who Is Here?) and high comedy (The Unspeakable Skipton) to tragedy (The Holiday Friend) and the psychological study of cruelty (An Error of Judgement). Her last novel, A Bonfire, was published in the year of her death, 1981.

She was a critic as well as a novelist and wrote books on Thomas Wolfe and Ivy Compton-Burnett; Six Proust Reconstructions (1958) confirmed her reputation as a leading Proustian scholar. She also wrote a play, Corinth House (1954), a work of social criticism arising out of the Moors Trial, On Iniquity (1967), and a book of essays, Important to Me (1974). She received honorary degrees from six universities and was a Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature. She was awarded the C.B.E. in 1975.

Pamela Hansford Johnson, who had two children by her first marriage with journalist Gordon Neil Stewart, later married C. P. Snow. Their son Philip was born in 1952.

Reviews

[Eleanor · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of the many joys of bookselling is that moment when a publisher's rep flips to the next page of their sales catalogue (now usually in PDF form, though I understand they used to be made of Actual Paper) and says something like "Ever heard of this author? No? Well, we're reprinting their backlist anyway, with natty new jackets, and I'm going to spend the next five minutes trying to convince you to buy every title, despite the fact that you've never heard of them and they died in 1987." That all sounds sarcastic, but it actually sometimes is a joy - who doesn't want to find a great, underrated author and get in on the ground floor of their renaissance? Pamela Hansford Johnson, it turns out, actually is fairly well known, except by me: she wrote twenty-seven novels, reviewed extensively for newspapers and magazines, and married C.P. Snow. The Unspeakable Skipton seems, at least at first, as though it might be not unlike The Talented Mr. Ripley: an Englishman abroad in Europe makes his living by conning people. The difference is in the protagonists: Ripley is cool and psychopathic, while Skipton is frantic, hotheaded, and pathetic. Convinced of his own genius as a novelist, he lives in Bruges and spends his days writing letters to his long-suffering London editor in defense of his unpublishable manuscripts. In the evenings, he latches on to expatriates and provides various services (procuring and art dealing chief among them) for money. In a way, the vast gulf between Skipton's conception of the world - his own righteousness and the rest of humanity's crass ignorance - and the way the world sees him is reminiscent of A Confederacy of Dunces. Certainly there's an absurd humour in watching Skipton's mad antics, although Hansford Johnson is hardly likely to make you guffaw the way Toole is (and she doesn't want to, either). Mostly, though, it's a novel about an unpleasant man getting his just desserts from equally unpleasant people. It's neatly observed, and if it's the sort of thing you like, you'll like it, but it's an awfully hard book to love. 

[Jonathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brilliantly funny novel with a truly awful main character who you cannot help but root for. I laughed many times at Skipton's escapades in post WW2 Belgium and the crowd of British tourists who fall prey to his tricks. Then, as it appeared that the tables were being turned on him, I became desperate for him to succeed in all he was up to.

Warning though: the current edition from Hodder is without a doubt the worst copy-edited book I have ever read.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't often read a book set in Belgium.

[Mike Alexander · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a lot of fun. Bit of a punt for me, as I don't know the author or the milieu very well. Skipton is a hilarious monster, with whom it would be almost impossible to spare any empathy, were it not for the fact that pretty much everyone else in the book is ghastly in one way or another too. I suppose his lack of success (artistically, as well as in his misanthropic schemes) makes his despicable nature more laughable than threatening. We sense all along what is coming to him.

If I have a criticism, it's that occasionally the comic excess strains credibility. Would Skipton really be so deluded as to expect that his own work might come up for discussion in a lecture that is clearly on another subject entirely? Well, I suppose if you dial back the comic excesses slightly, such monster egotists do exist.

There are some great comic set pieces, such as the hilarious soft porn erotic performance of Leda and the Swan (re-enacted by a chubby coke-washer in nothing but wings, and a naked girl who Skipton recognises as an assistant from the local boot repair shop, whilst Saint Saens' Le Cygne plays on a scratchy gramophone record).

The plot unfolds much as you might expect it to; there are really few surprises. Yet it is quite enjoyable to watch nonetheless.

The edition I read (Hodder & Stoughton, 2018 Reprint) was marred by some unfortunate typographic errors, which would seem to be the result of OCR scanning with inadequate proof reading.

[Tristan Wille · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really don't know why McNally Jackson chose to republish this. It reads like bad Kingsley Amis written at a middle school level, just very shallow prose overall.

Overall, it's a fairly funny, light read, and I especially enjoyed the Corvo-esque elements. But I am confused why it's being positioned as a forgotten classic, when it feels more like forgettable lowbrow mid century pop lit.

As an aside, the linguistics in this were all over the place and further broke immersion, e.g. way too much French both in vernacular and place names (I'll generously blame PHJ's Baedecker's guide for this...), Italian guy saying "bravo" to a woman, etc.

[Patricia O'Brien · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this, and I often go for novels that throw some light on the first half of 20th century society,from the perspective of ordinary folk. Plus I don't mind a protagonist who you'd never wish to meet - in this case, Skipton - a thoroughly despicable self-aggrandizing parasite. Time after time, the reader is left in disbelief at the depth of his lies and petty schemes...all to wheedle a few 'bob' out of others.
I did love the Bruges setting and the characters with whom Skipton surrounds himself are just hilarious - especially the 'Count'.
Bit of a disappointing ending but an entertaining read for all that.

[Tamar Toister · Rating 3 out of 5]

I asked AI why I had such a hard time with this "classic." Some of the response:

'Johnson wrote this novel as a stylistic parody. Because Skipton views himself as a refined, superior stylist, the prose adopts his "mandarin" voice—it is intentionally dense, ornate, and slightly suffocating. 
* The Goal: The prose is meant to reflect Skipton’s internal world: fussy, overly polished, and disconnected from reality.
* The Effect: For many readers, this feels like wading through heavy syrup. If you find it exhausting, it’s because Johnson is successfully mimicking a man who is exhausted by his own "genius."'

Exhausting is a good word. So are dense, ornate, and suffocating.

[Selin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious and i don't think i'll forget it anytime soon. I don't think this author will be a favorite though and i think her writing is kind of a slog but her life seems interesting (mildly scandalous). There is maybe something special in here about rabid hatred and megalomania but it's all operating at the surface level (I'm sorry it's no muriel spark) but then again that's exactly how the characters of this book would critique other work so maybe there's a stroke of genius there- respect to pamela where it's due!

[Till Raether · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's not necessarily a fun read, but I enjoyed it a lot. Like enjoying a bitter drink, or very hot food. Skipton is perfectly unpleasant, and it's impressive how she manages to hold the reader's interest in his grievances and schemes.

I see there's a brandnew edition, probably much preferable to the Hodder/Hachette editions of Pamela Hansford Johnson novels: these all look quite pretty and cost little secondhand, but they're scanned from older editions without editorial supervision, so there's lots of absurd scanning errors.

[CQM · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh...
Of all the characters in this Skipton was probably the least unspeakable. I don't think I'll be bothering anymore with Dorothy Merlin, she's easily the most unspeakable of a thoroughly unspeakable bunch.
As I've said before Pamela Hansford Johnson was a fine writer but not a comic one.
There's lots of good stuff in here but a lot of annoying tripe to wade through to get to it. My advice would be "don't bother".

[Philip Curran · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this story about a deluded author in Bruges convinced of his own genius and the ignorance of all those around him. He is unspeakable but the author somehow makes you want him to succeed.
It suffered a bit from being dated because there were quite a few references I didn’t get.
Some decent bits of wit and humour and having been to Bruges a couple of times I was able to immerse myself more easily.
Good fun and worth a read

[Roberta · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not enjoy this book. I can accept books where nothing much happens, but there’s character growth (or vise versa) but in this case I felt there was neither. I don’t know if humor has perhaps changed since this was first published in the late 1950s, or if my sense of humor just doesn’t align, but I didn’t find this book as witty or funny as the blurb/reviews on the cover suggested. It ended up being a bit of a chore to read.

[Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this story of a deluded, self-centered, arrogant starving English novelist living in his beloved Bruges, Belgium, who tries and fails to extort seemingly wealthy tourists for money to support his great novel in progress. The writing style is lovely and rich, much humor and pathos, beautiful depictions of Bruges. I will look for more by this author.

[Cazzaman · Rating 2 out of 5]

There was one very funny bit at 87%: Skipton’s rant at Dorothy releasing all his pent-up self loathing. The rest just seemed more pathetic than funny. This book seemed a blend of “Keep the aspidistra flying” and unremembered titles of similar ilk.
As stated by other reviewers- the copy editing on my Kindle edition was truly bad: misspelled words and random punctuation marks.

[Margaret Crawford · Rating 1 out of 5]

well written about ghastly people.

I have not got the time or patience to read about the horrible people who inhabit this book. It is depressing and unpleasant. I did not finish it as I like redemption and the characters were unredeemable.

[Bojan Djordjic · Rating 3 out of 5]

Knjiga puna antipatičnih likova, sa glavnim likom koji prednjači u antipatičnosti i koji je toliko bedan i lišen vrlina, da mi je do kraja postao simpatičan. Zapravo, možda užasni karakteri ostalih likova opravdavaju njegov.

[Ampersand Inc. · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you love Highsmith, and Ripley in particular, but want it set in Bruges (shoutout to In Bruges fans), packed with minutiae of English class dynamics, and for the Ripley-esque character to be an author who just can’t believe the stupidity of his editor, I may have just the book for you!

[Pip Jennings · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was witty, clever and funny. However my enjoyment was spoiled by the fact that this 2018 edition by Hodder & Stoughton is full of typos. Very off putting.

[Trevor · Rating 3 out of 5]

McNally Editions book club 11/25. Not my favorite but better with discussion. Like Talented Mr Ripley if he wasn’t talented at all

[Adam Stevenson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Daniel Skipton is deeply unpleasant, he’s convinced he is the finest of writers and has a beautiful soul but also that he has aristocratic background and blood, and as such, feels that he deserves all the finest things in life. This sense of entitlement is one of the truly ugly things about him but when combined with his jealousy and his hatred for everyone, it becomes quite repellent. Which makes him an interesting character.

He’s a really odd character, strict in his habits, with socks that have separate toes because he thinks it’s obscene for toes to touch. He is middle-aged but a virgin, seems asexual but plays the prude, whilst also thinking about sex rather often.

He lives in Bruges, where he is writing an awful book in which he mainly creates imaginary versions of people he particularly doesn’t like, slags them off and puts them in humiliating positions. Because these unsellable novels don’t earn him money, he must hustle - though he doesn’t have the charm or social skills for a smooth con, he tries his best, flogging dodgy paintings and setting tourists up at brothels.

One group of tourists that Daniel Skipton particularly clings onto is a group of Brits, lead by an arrogant playwright with an aristocrat, a bookseller and a cuddly playboy in tow. He hates them, as he hates everyone, resents what he sees as the easiness of their lives and yet still tries to charm them - which is the source of most of the humour.

One of the better set-pieces in the book is a visit to a peepshow, where the performers have sex dressed as Leda and a Swan. What’s really odd about this part, is that the mythology inspired rumpy-pumpy is the only part where Daniel Skipton feels something beyond himself, as everyone else is amused or put off by this strange farce, he is moved. Then Leda shows the two eggs she’s laid and the atmosphere collapses.

One of the tourists is possibly even worse than Skipton. Like him, she is utterly convinced of her own specialness as a writer and a person. She’s rude, arrogant but at this moment in time, successful, so she can get away with it. She also delivers a lecture with one on my favourite bad lecture title I have ever heard, ‘The Responsibility of the Poet-Playwright in the Welfare State.’ As one of the listeners says, he heard a lot about the poet-playwright but very little about the Welfare State. By reasons of arrogance, Skipton thinks this is going to be a whole lecture on praise of him, despite being neither poet nor playwright.

While I can’t say I loved the other Pamela Hansford Johnson book I read, ‘An Error of Judgement’, it did stick in my head far more than books I enjoyed reading more at the time. As for ‘The Unspeakable Skipton’, it was an enjoyable read but I think will stick as well.

[C.S. Boag · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sadly this is dated. Admittedly it is going on for a hundred years old. But it is the sheer puerility of the plot and characters that does it in. The author remains at a distance from the action; as a result the characters are puppets. Based on the real-life of Baron Corvo, Skipton weaves through an unlikely plot, beset by unlikelier(and unlikeable)characters. The biter gets bitten. Who cares? The gorgeous scenery of Bruges is paraded before the reader, and the bells toll, but who really cares about that either?
The novel is nicely written but a pleasant style is not enough to carry a book into posterity. There is simply not enough guts to it .

[Aleksandar Trapara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't often read a book about con artists.