How Did I Get to Be Forty: And Other Atrocities

The Decades of a Woman's Life #3

by Judith Viorst

And so you’ve reached that time in life when you’re starting to “pick investments over adventure, / And clean over scenic, and comfortable over intense”; when, even though in your heart of hearts you’re much younger, the rest of you is (how did it happen?) forty.

Judith Viorst, the wise and witty lady of It’s Hard to Be Hip Over 30 and Other Tragedies of Married Life, is here to guide you through these forty-ish years with poems that reflect the highs, the lows, and the everything-in-betweens of midlife. Viorst playfully considers the prospects of sagging kneecaps, awkward college reunions, and fantasies of love in the afternoon; being baffled by one’s Buddhist bisexual vegetarian Maoist offspring; cholesterol counts, adult-education courses and other atrocities of midlife—which somehow aren’t as painful when you can laugh at them.

Filled with warmth, humor, and insight, How Did I Get to Be 40 & Other Atrocities is Judith Viorst at her best.

Genres: Poetry, Humor, Nonfiction, Adult, Biography, Womens, Relationships

64 pages, Hardcover

First published October 22, 1976

About the author

Judith Viorst is an American writer, newspaper journalist, and psychoanalysis researcher. She is known for her humorous observational poetry and for her children's literature. This includes The Tenth Good Thing About Barney (about the death of a pet) and the Alexander series of short picture books, which includes Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (1972), which has sold over two million copies.
Viorst is a 1952 graduate of the Newark College of Arts and Sciences at Rutgers University in Newark, New Jersey. In 1968, she signed the "Writers and Editors War Tax Protest" pledge, vowing to refuse tax payments in protest against the Vietnam War. In the latter part of the 1970s, after two decades of writing for children and adults, Viorst turned to the study of Freudian psychology. In 1981, she became a research graduate at Washington Psychoanalytic Institute after six years of study.

Reviews

[Nctejana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This, not the famous _Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day_, was my childhood introduction to the genius of Judith Viorst. Our family friend, who really should've been a voice actor, would read poems like "My Cousin Elaine" at parties while my eight-year-old self sat quietly in a corner hoping the grown-ups wouldn't notice I hadn't gone to bed. Over the years, I've read these poems again and again, and most continue to dazzle me with their humor, their insight, their creative use of rhyme, and sneak-up-on-you use of phrasing.

I suspect the lower ratings from other reviewers stem in part from the fact that the concerns shared (and mocked) in this book are not the concerns of a modern 40-year-old, but of one from the 1970s when the book was written - in particular, the 1970s of a white, Jewish city dweller. While some themes, such as the lovely joy of having someone in your life to take the rap for everything you want to blame on someone, continue to ring true, a goodly portion of the humor in the book relates to the time period and trends. If you haven't read it, pick it up in some secondhand store and read it with the context in mind and an ear for the wonderful rhythms, and you'll find the atrocities of middle age seem a little less atrocious.

[Aneesa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Found in a Little Free Library. Had to take it for obvious reasons. Very 70s. Her most recent book is 'Nearing 90'!

[Natasha M. Nurse, Esq. · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a perfect book of quirky poems quite fitting for those 40 (or close enough to it) 😄

[Kerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.75/5⭐️

Love the Shel Silverstein irony, and the meter, rhyme, subjects, lists, and humor. But she's so self aware that she doesn't write about anything real. And she's obsessed with her weight in a way that makes me want to shake her and wake her up.

[Anneke Rader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be very insightful. You could do so many things the way others would want you to do them. But then you wouldn't be you. It doesn't matter what you wear, where you live, what you do for a living, etc. If you are happy with you, then it will be conveyed in how you carry yourself. And the people who know you best and those who are just meeting you will see it. Just go with the flow.

[Jenny T. · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this book for my friend's upcoming birthday. It's only a few pages, so thought I would read it first. Other than the title (well not actually for a few months), I didn't really relate to much else in the book and didn't find the poems that humorous.

[Victoria · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dated since most of the poems deal with being a woman, in her 40's in the 70's but still a light, fun read.

[SaraKat · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was reading another book by this author and saw this book listed under her name. It intrigued me as I have reached this milestone recently! Most of the poems were pretty short and fun to read. The poems reminded me of the children's poet Jack Prelutsky, who has been a favorite of mine for a long time. The poems varied on topic and I found some way better than others, but all seemed very appropriate for this period of life- the beginning of middle age. m

Some of my favorite poems:

Among Other Thoughts on Our Wedding Anniversary-- super funny and the punchline made me laugh out loud and agree heartily!

The Whole Truth--Captured that feeling of contentment that only the break up of that couple that everyone envies and thinks is perfect can give. Terrible thought, but totally true.

Mid-Life Crisis--I totally relate to this poem which captures that wondering feeling of 'when in the world did I get old?' and 'where did the time go?'

In the poem, Eating My Heart Out (which I relate to waaaaaaaaay too much) the following line made me laugh and I felt clever.
"Misery makes some people deep.
It always makes me wide."
He he he.

Open House-- This is the mid-life crisis age where all those couples start divorcing and messing up your plans for perfectly paired guests at your dinner parties. This one is clever and funny, but a little sad.

Three in the Morning--the worries and fears that pile up as you reach 40 seems to get bigger every day.

Adult Education-- I think this was my favorite. "While it's better, as everyone knows, to give than receive, Nobody says that you always have to be Better."

Twenty Questions-- "20. How will I ever be able to tell If what I achieve in life Ought to be called serenity- not surrender?" That sure is the question, isn't it. When do we give up on a dream or wish and just be content with what we have?

[Alicia Bayer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've loved some of Judith Viorst's other books, from children's books like "Alexander and the Horrible..." to other books of her poetry. I stumbled onto her collection of poems about being in her 60's or 70's years ago and those poems made such an impact on me that I have been looking for her other decade poetry books ever since. When this came up on Book Closeouts for a dollar or two, I had to get it.

That said, I think Viorst was a lot more shallow in her 40's than in her later years. I just didn't relate to her at all and didn't relate to her lifestyle either. The book dates itself in terms of what life was like for middle class women in the 70's or whenever she was 40-something, and she also just seemed rather shallow and unlikeable. She talks about caring about issues like war and feminism in her younger years and how all she cares about now is having her grown children not embarrass her by how they turn out and knowing good doctors of all kinds and money and such. She basically sounds like exactly the kind of woman I was afraid of growing up and turning into. All in all, it makes me glad that I'm middle aged in an era where my female peers seem much more socially aware and interesting. :)

[Heather Moore · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this after reading Viorst’s book about her 20’s and didn’t realize that she had pulled the best poems from this book and the one about her 30’s (along with creating some new ones), and thereby creating a masterful book covering three decades. Bottom line, skip this one and the one on her 30’s, and just read When Did I Stop Being Twenty: And Other Injustices. It tells a hilarious, super-dated-but-in-a-great-way story of her 20’s-40’s in poetry form.

[Mimi · Rating 4 out of 5]

While this little volume of poems repeats many that were in Judith Viorst's book It's Hard to be hip over 30, there are enough new ones to make it enjoyable and worth reading. One of the shortest ones is "Nothing But the Truth."

I made him swear he'd always tell me nothing but the truth.
I promised him I never would resent it.
No matter how unbearable, how harsh, how cruel. How come
He thought I meant it.

[Anca Burducea · Rating 4 out of 5]

More than half of the poems here are in the 30 book. Which I loved. I did find a couple of delicious new ones that I enjoyed here as well, such as Eating My Heart Out. Other than that I don’t think there are any new atrocities that have not been already laid out for a 30 year old. Hoping the 50+ books will have some new discoveries and insights into the decades to follow. But I won’t read those ones for a while :)

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Judith Viorst has a series of poetry books related to age. I had not ever read them, but have read a poem or two from them. I read this book about being 40. It is rather tongue in cheek and there are poems about marriage, divorce, growing older but yet not old, and mid-life. The poems are amusing.

[Courtney Cantrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a woman over 40, I relate so hard to everything about this little book. It's a treasure I'll always be glad I've discovered. No terrible, horrible, no-good, bad days here. Just laughs, and wincing at hard truths, and affirming nods at the wisdoms here.

[Terry Graybill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved them all but “College Reunion” spoke strongly to me.

Judith Viorst is such a lovely discovery, and reading her age-themed poetry is a thoughtful and entertaining journey that I'm thoroughly enjoying.

If you haven't yet found her poetry, do treat yourself.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Judith Viorst is an author I love but this collection of poetry is VERY dated. Published in 1973 and you can tell. Some of the poems (or some lines in some poems) were funny but for the most part, this felt very much of a certain generation and didn’t work for me.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I'm now in my 40's, I didn't relate to this book as much as I expected; probably because unlike Viorst, I'm not married and raising kids. But I still enjoy her honest, funny voice. My favorite poems came near the end, "Twenty Questions" and "Facing the Facts."

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

It had some of the same poems from other books in the series, but some funny new ones too.

[Melvin Marsh · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not super impressed. It's poetry and I was expecting a more humourous set of poems instead, this seems more depressing.

[Christina Karvounis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pub’d before I was born, this poetry romp is a ton of fun.

[adele · Rating 2 out of 5]

Title was the best part.

[Jodi · Rating 3 out of 5]

At 41, I can relate to the themes in some of these poems. I can tell the difference that fifty years has made in how 40 somethings think, but it was still enjoyable to read.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a funny collection! I loved all of these poems but the one about doing things over was one of my favorites. I will 100% be reading more of this author's works.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Light and funny. Parts of it quite intelligent as well.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little dated but still has some gems. Definitely knew what some of my feelings were. *sigh*

[Dolly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another fun book of poetry for women from Judith Viorst. I've already read Unexpectedly Eighty: And Other Adaptations, I'm Too Young To Be Seventy: And Other Delusions, Suddenly Sixty And Other Shocks Of Later Life, and Forever Fifty, and I really liked them all. So now I'm continuing my backward slide through time and will move on to It's Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty and When Did I Stop Being Twenty and Other Injustices: Selected Poems from Single to Mid-Life next. I enjoy her ruminations and her perspective and although these older books are somewhat out-dated, they remind me of my childhood.

Since I'm officially in my 40s now, I felt a particular affinity for this book; I'm in the time of my life where I could truly empathize with her feelings and experiences.

[Karen-Leigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

I guess the author didn't have as much to write about at 40 as she did at 20 and 30 :-) Still very funny and touching look at an educated woman reduced to housewife and mother.

And so you’ve reached that time in life when you’re stating to pick investments over adventure, clean over scenic, comfortable over intense; when, even though in your heart of hearts you’re only seventeen, the rest of you is (how did it happen?) forty.

The wise and witty lady of It’s Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty is here to get you through these forty-ish years with poems that reflect our common shared experience. So let her help you take a look at that decade of sagging kneecaps and college reunions and fantasies of love in the afternoon: at Maoist kids, cholesterol counts, adult-education courses and other atrocities—which somehow just don’t hurt so much when you laugh.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was delightful. I'm not sure I'd call it most masterful poetry I've ever read, but I felt deeply moved (to love, to sadness, to sympathy, to scatteredness, to panic, to delight, to jealousy and letting go), so of the best votes out there: I'll definitely be looking for more of her books in this series in the future. I want all the volumes from age 20 to age 80 now.

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love these poems! The feelings and experiences of turning 40 (for a woman) must be relatively universal because I identified with every last poem in this book. I found them to be both raucously funny and utterly sad...if only because I understood every single one at gut level. Reading them was bittersweet. Judith Viorst got it so right; she "hit the nail on the head", so to speak.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't typically read poetry, but the title and author of this one intrigued me. It was a quick read and one that I thoroughly enjoyed. Even though it was written in 1972, it still rings true today. Viorst has written a book of poetry for each decade of her life. I look forward to reading more!