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Five True Things: A Little Guide to Embracing Life's Big Challenges
Bestselling author David Richo gets straight to the heart of how to find courage and contentment when life doesn’t go according to plan. Rather than fighting against them, we all must accept these five true (1) everything changes and ends, (2) things do not always go according to plan, (3) life is not always fair, (4) pain is part of life, and (5) people are not loving and loyal all the time. Drawing on both psychology and spirituality, Richo offers time-tested insights on finding meaning and joy in life as it really is and relationships as they are.Five True Things distills the essential wisdom of Richo’s popular book The Five Things We Cannot Change. By changing our approach to our struggles, we can find deep happiness.
- GenresSelf HelpPsychology
152 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 27, 2019
33 people are currently reading
193 people want to read
About the author
David Richo
88 books534 followersDavid Richo, PhD, is a therapist and author who leads popular workshops on personal and spiritual growth.
He received his BA in psychology from Saint John's Seminary in Brighton, Massachusetts, in 1962, his MA in counseling psychology from Fairfield University in 1969, and his PhD in clinical psychology from Sierra University in 1984. Since 1976, Richo has been a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor in California. In addition to practicing psychotherapy, Richo teaches courses at Santa Barbara City College and the University of California Berkeley at Berkeley, and has taught at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Pacifica Graduate Institute, and Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. He is a clinical supervisor for the Community Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, California.
Known for drawing on Buddhism, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work, Richo is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Lovingand The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find in Embracing Them. He has also written When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships, Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side, The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know, and Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth.
Richo lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco.
He received his BA in psychology from Saint John's Seminary in Brighton, Massachusetts, in 1962, his MA in counseling psychology from Fairfield University in 1969, and his PhD in clinical psychology from Sierra University in 1984. Since 1976, Richo has been a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor in California. In addition to practicing psychotherapy, Richo teaches courses at Santa Barbara City College and the University of California Berkeley at Berkeley, and has taught at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Pacifica Graduate Institute, and Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. He is a clinical supervisor for the Community Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, California.
Known for drawing on Buddhism, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work, Richo is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Lovingand The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find in Embracing Them. He has also written When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships, Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side, The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know, and Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth.
Richo lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
November 30, 2021
You can't be happy if you don't face life, and part of facing life is accepting that there are five big life challenges and embracing the challenges.
The five true things are: (1) everything changes and ends, (2) things do not always go according to plan, (3) life is not always fair, (4) pain is part of life, and (5) people are not loving and loyal all the time.
Just realizing that these are five challenges that everyone faces, and just thinking about ways to accept these rather than fleeing from these...this helps.
The five true things are: (1) everything changes and ends, (2) things do not always go according to plan, (3) life is not always fair, (4) pain is part of life, and (5) people are not loving and loyal all the time.
Just realizing that these are five challenges that everyone faces, and just thinking about ways to accept these rather than fleeing from these...this helps.
Read
December 9, 2019So many tools to move through this life and become the solution. To get things going he highlights:
"People do things that injure us, but later we realize that was how they pushed us through a gate in ourselves that we never guessed was there. The hurt we felt was the sensation of being pushed."
"People do things that injure us, but later we realize that was how they pushed us through a gate in ourselves that we never guessed was there. The hurt we felt was the sensation of being pushed."
September 14, 2019
.I picked it seeing it's nice simple cover and its concise size. I hoped to get condensed wisdom for life's difficult questions.
It partially succeeded in fulfilling these goals.
First one third is the best part of the book. It teaches about going ahead in life even at most difficult of points. It helps to see positively in darkness.
It emphasizes pain and failures are part of life. You cannot escape them but you can handle them gracefully.
But after first half writing quality and engagement dips. Lots of scattered points take place of a coherent storytelling.
If quality of first 50 pages had continued it would have been an excellent book. But still it's worth reading as it states truth in simplified language.
Thanks edelweiss plus and publisher for review copy.
It partially succeeded in fulfilling these goals.
First one third is the best part of the book. It teaches about going ahead in life even at most difficult of points. It helps to see positively in darkness.
It emphasizes pain and failures are part of life. You cannot escape them but you can handle them gracefully.
But after first half writing quality and engagement dips. Lots of scattered points take place of a coherent storytelling.
If quality of first 50 pages had continued it would have been an excellent book. But still it's worth reading as it states truth in simplified language.
Thanks edelweiss plus and publisher for review copy.
December 31, 2025
David Richo's Five True Things operates at a level most self-help doesn't attempt. Rather than sharing coping strategies or ways to feel better, it focuses on the fundamental acceptance of reality's unchangeable aspects: impermanence, unpredictability, unfairness, pain, and the inconsistency of love.
Richo's insight is that suffering stems not from these givens but from our resistance to them. The ego demands permanence, control, fairness, comfort, and unconditional love - all things reality cannot provide. Graduate-level self-help work means releasing those demands entirely.
What struck me most: "That void deserves its own time and space." When loss or crisis strips away our comfortable narratives, Richo doesn't rush us toward hope or meaning-making. He suggests staying in the darkness and allowing it to do its transformative work. This is refreshing, given that most therapeutic approaches treat the void as something to escape rather than the fertile ground where real change happens.
His distinction between seeking answers and seeking significance captures something essential. Mature meaning comes not from understanding why things happen but from engaging with what becomes possible through them. "Why?" keeps us spectators demanding explanation. "Yes, and?" makes us participants in what's becoming.
The framework maps precisely onto practices of self-knowledge and radical forgiveness. Almost all harm - whether received or inflicted - stems from people demonstrating these five truths to each other in painful ways. Recontextualizing every wound through this lens transforms blame into acceptance of what is.
Fair warning: Richo's vision of adulthood, of people "satisfied only by truth of what is real", describes something rare and hard-won, not a normal development in life. Most people understandably maintain comfortable narratives that make reality bearable. This book is for those who find themselves unable or unwilling to maintain those narratives, people who are already experiencing the insufficient nature of those stories.
For readers ready to move beyond surviving and coping, and toward learning to be, this book offers therapeutic wisdom pointing toward the same territory contemplative traditions have mapped for millennia. Highly recommended for those prepared for the work.
Richo's insight is that suffering stems not from these givens but from our resistance to them. The ego demands permanence, control, fairness, comfort, and unconditional love - all things reality cannot provide. Graduate-level self-help work means releasing those demands entirely.
What struck me most: "That void deserves its own time and space." When loss or crisis strips away our comfortable narratives, Richo doesn't rush us toward hope or meaning-making. He suggests staying in the darkness and allowing it to do its transformative work. This is refreshing, given that most therapeutic approaches treat the void as something to escape rather than the fertile ground where real change happens.
His distinction between seeking answers and seeking significance captures something essential. Mature meaning comes not from understanding why things happen but from engaging with what becomes possible through them. "Why?" keeps us spectators demanding explanation. "Yes, and?" makes us participants in what's becoming.
The framework maps precisely onto practices of self-knowledge and radical forgiveness. Almost all harm - whether received or inflicted - stems from people demonstrating these five truths to each other in painful ways. Recontextualizing every wound through this lens transforms blame into acceptance of what is.
Fair warning: Richo's vision of adulthood, of people "satisfied only by truth of what is real", describes something rare and hard-won, not a normal development in life. Most people understandably maintain comfortable narratives that make reality bearable. This book is for those who find themselves unable or unwilling to maintain those narratives, people who are already experiencing the insufficient nature of those stories.
For readers ready to move beyond surviving and coping, and toward learning to be, this book offers therapeutic wisdom pointing toward the same territory contemplative traditions have mapped for millennia. Highly recommended for those prepared for the work.
January 17, 2021
This little book talks about 5 givens in life that challenge us and offers ways to cope with those.
It could probably be distilled to one challenge / coping process but this is a good way to break things down. The coping mechanisms include different processes encompassing multiple spiritual and psychological ideas from different traditions.
I did think there was an overabundance of bulleted lists (Powerpoint?) and in some areas it seemed overly focused on the psychological side (naturally since that is the author's profession). However I know I have a personal bias against psychology in general so that should not be construed as a general critique.
Overall I would definitely recommend this book. There is a lot there to meditate on and it is very timely for today's world.
It could probably be distilled to one challenge / coping process but this is a good way to break things down. The coping mechanisms include different processes encompassing multiple spiritual and psychological ideas from different traditions.
I did think there was an overabundance of bulleted lists (Powerpoint?) and in some areas it seemed overly focused on the psychological side (naturally since that is the author's profession). However I know I have a personal bias against psychology in general so that should not be construed as a general critique.
Overall I would definitely recommend this book. There is a lot there to meditate on and it is very timely for today's world.
September 17, 2020
David Richo skillfully combines Buddhist philosophy / psychology with Christian school training in the US and a "Western" perspective of psychology in explaining "Five true Things". The combination allowed my primarily Western trained mind a richer understanding of five principals (with full respect) described elsewhere. Though "A Little Guide", the book is dense with knowledge. I needed and recommend a slow read and plan a second read after I have worked with what I gained on the first pass. There are many "simple" sentences that I studied to better absorb the meaning. That is, there are many points to ponder. Certainly worth the time!
March 9, 2025
Quite a good and quick read on some core Buddhist assertions (which I happen to think are wise and true). As is often the case, even though I was very familiar with all of the propositions in this book, the repetition and original telling was worthwhile. I especially like Richo's compassionate but sturdy call for adults to be adults. I'm reminded of Marlon Brando as the Godfather sternly rebuking the complaining singer: "What can you do? YOU CAN BE A MAN!!" lol. I mean, in the end, we need to take responsibility for our lives and grow up a little bit.
December 29, 2020
This short book could have been even shorter. The five true things are stated and then restated in depth drawing on Buddhist teachings but also citing the teachings of other faiths as well. The bottom line is that the five true things are good advice for living and coping with a world over which we have little control. The danger, of course, is that adherents to this philosophy might shirk all responsibility. For me, it's important to remember that some of the difficulties we face ARE things we can change.
October 13, 2020
I won this book from a Shambhala giveaway. I highly recommend it. No matter your faith journey or religious tradition, the five truths of this book apply. The truths are perfect teachers of acceptance and resilience. The book is practically written and easy to absorb. A great resource and a nice gift.
July 4, 2025
I’m trying to go through the unread books I own and this was a quick one to start with. I took a ton of notes and underlined a lot but when I went to copy things down in my journal I was like, hmm that’s kind of obvious.
It was 120 pages that basically said: accept your circumstances and view negatives as learning experiences.
It was 120 pages that basically said: accept your circumstances and view negatives as learning experiences.
November 13, 2021
Been a while since the last time I picked up an English-written book and this was a nice one. The book talks about 5 types of challenges one may encounter in life and ways to cope with them (sounds boring but actually not that bad). In order to describe these methods, this book has integrated some kind of Buddhist philosophy into Christian belief (which was mind-blowing to me).
Plus, it is easy to read for non-English speakers.
Plus, it is easy to read for non-English speakers.
September 21, 2020
This book is a quick easy read with valuable insights. Many insights that give you that awareness of things you are doing or not doing, all to better your life as well as others.
June 5, 2021
Wise little book packed with lots of wisdom.
June 17, 2023
Reconciliation and restoration over retaliation.
This was a thoughtful birthday gift from my friend, Karen❤️
This was a thoughtful birthday gift from my friend, Karen❤️
November 28, 2023
Thought this may be interesting, but found it to be like several things I've already read and adopted into my life. No need.
April 29, 2024
From the book:
THE GIVEN
Everything changes and ends.
OUR FEAR IN THE FACE OF IT
We may lose what we have.
HOW WE MASK OUR FEAR
Being less committed or becoming stoical.
THE YES THAT FITS BEST
Grieve and let go.
---
THE GIVEN
Things do not always go according to plan.
OUR FEAR IN THE FACE OF IT
Our expectations will not be met.
HOW WE MASK OUR FEAR
Plan every detail and try to stay in control.
THE YES THAT FITS BEST
Accept what happens and learn from it.
---
THE GIVEN
Life is not always fair.
OUR FEAR IN THE FACE OF IT
We might not get our fair share.
HOW WE MASK OUR FEAR
Insist on keeping everything even and blame those who are unfair.
THE YES THAT FITS BEST
Have an attitude of "You win some; you lose some" while working for justice.
---
THE GIVEN
Pain is part of life.
OUR FEAR IN THE FACE OF IT
We will not be able to handle it.
HOW WE MASK OUR FEAR
Try to be on guard to avoid pain.
THE YES THAT FITS BEST
Allow pain that is natural and do not add to pain by attempting to control it.
---
THE GIVEN
People are not loving and loyal all the time.
OUR FEAR IN THE FACE OF IT
We will feel hurt and have to grieve.
HOW WE MASK OUR FEAR
Stay away from closeness in the future.
THE YES THAT FITS BEST
Speak up and say "Ouch!" while not retaliating.
THE GIVEN
Everything changes and ends.
OUR FEAR IN THE FACE OF IT
We may lose what we have.
HOW WE MASK OUR FEAR
Being less committed or becoming stoical.
THE YES THAT FITS BEST
Grieve and let go.
---
THE GIVEN
Things do not always go according to plan.
OUR FEAR IN THE FACE OF IT
Our expectations will not be met.
HOW WE MASK OUR FEAR
Plan every detail and try to stay in control.
THE YES THAT FITS BEST
Accept what happens and learn from it.
---
THE GIVEN
Life is not always fair.
OUR FEAR IN THE FACE OF IT
We might not get our fair share.
HOW WE MASK OUR FEAR
Insist on keeping everything even and blame those who are unfair.
THE YES THAT FITS BEST
Have an attitude of "You win some; you lose some" while working for justice.
---
THE GIVEN
Pain is part of life.
OUR FEAR IN THE FACE OF IT
We will not be able to handle it.
HOW WE MASK OUR FEAR
Try to be on guard to avoid pain.
THE YES THAT FITS BEST
Allow pain that is natural and do not add to pain by attempting to control it.
---
THE GIVEN
People are not loving and loyal all the time.
OUR FEAR IN THE FACE OF IT
We will feel hurt and have to grieve.
HOW WE MASK OUR FEAR
Stay away from closeness in the future.
THE YES THAT FITS BEST
Speak up and say "Ouch!" while not retaliating.
August 12, 2024
Confesso: comprei o livro porque a capa chamou a atenção (estava numa fase em que tudo que continha desenhos de limões, considerava adorável - não me julguem).
No entanto, o livro acabou por ficar na estante durante vários meses, até que o COVID aconteceu e (ainda antes disso) estava de baixa médica (com previsão de que seria bastante longa, devido a um esgotamento). 2020 não foi fácil para ninguém.
Foi então nesta altura que resolvi começar a ler, porque todas as outras obras que tinha em casa, continham temas demasiado pesados/violentos para aquela fase da minha vida.
Acabou por se tornar aquele livro que ficou sempre na mesinha de cabeceira, para ler de vez em quando algumas frases, quando precisava daquele boost de energia positiva.
E só agora, em 2024, é que o terminei.
- Spoilers ahead (I'll let you know when it ends*):
Confesso que de início fiquei com pé atrás pela linguagem aparecer demasiado "espiritual/religiosa", mas conquistou-me quando o autor (que é psicólogo), numa parte do livro, tornou claro que o seu objetivo era mostrar como a evolução do ser humano deve sempre ser feita a 3 níveis: a nivel pessoal, espiritual e transpessoal. E para que isso seja necessário, a junção da espiritualidade (seja ela o que for, para ti: meditação, religião, natureza,...) e ferramentas psicológicas (terapia, medicação, medicina tradicional,...) têm de caminhar sempre juntas!
- end of spoilers *
Fiquei feliz ao ler isto, porque normalmente livros self-help acabam sempre por se inclinar mais para um dos dois lados, e sentia que não correspondia, e consequentemente, não respondia à minha realidade pessoal, social e familiar.
Valeu as 4 estrelas, mais pelo valor sentimental que atribuí a este, pelo "ombro" que foi ao longo destes 4 anos, mas também pela mensagem.
Apesar de ter achado algumas partes demasiado repetitivas (mas pode ter sido de propósito, para mostrar ao leitor como tudo está interligado?), mas o meu ADHD agradeceu mesmo assim.
É simples de se entender, mostra pesquisa e partilha, de forma acessível, muita sabedoria espiritual, pessoal e transpessoal.
No entanto, o livro acabou por ficar na estante durante vários meses, até que o COVID aconteceu e (ainda antes disso) estava de baixa médica (com previsão de que seria bastante longa, devido a um esgotamento). 2020 não foi fácil para ninguém.
Foi então nesta altura que resolvi começar a ler, porque todas as outras obras que tinha em casa, continham temas demasiado pesados/violentos para aquela fase da minha vida.
Acabou por se tornar aquele livro que ficou sempre na mesinha de cabeceira, para ler de vez em quando algumas frases, quando precisava daquele boost de energia positiva.
E só agora, em 2024, é que o terminei.
- Spoilers ahead (I'll let you know when it ends*):
Confesso que de início fiquei com pé atrás pela linguagem aparecer demasiado "espiritual/religiosa", mas conquistou-me quando o autor (que é psicólogo), numa parte do livro, tornou claro que o seu objetivo era mostrar como a evolução do ser humano deve sempre ser feita a 3 níveis: a nivel pessoal, espiritual e transpessoal. E para que isso seja necessário, a junção da espiritualidade (seja ela o que for, para ti: meditação, religião, natureza,...) e ferramentas psicológicas (terapia, medicação, medicina tradicional,...) têm de caminhar sempre juntas!
- end of spoilers *
Fiquei feliz ao ler isto, porque normalmente livros self-help acabam sempre por se inclinar mais para um dos dois lados, e sentia que não correspondia, e consequentemente, não respondia à minha realidade pessoal, social e familiar.
Valeu as 4 estrelas, mais pelo valor sentimental que atribuí a este, pelo "ombro" que foi ao longo destes 4 anos, mas também pela mensagem.
Apesar de ter achado algumas partes demasiado repetitivas (mas pode ter sido de propósito, para mostrar ao leitor como tudo está interligado?), mas o meu ADHD agradeceu mesmo assim.
É simples de se entender, mostra pesquisa e partilha, de forma acessível, muita sabedoria espiritual, pessoal e transpessoal.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews