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Banished Knowledge: Facing Childhood Injuries
In direct opposition to the Freudian drive theory, the author of the best-selling The Drama Of The Gifted Child believes that children, at birth, are inherently good, and she traces all forms of criminal deeds to past mistreatments.
212 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1988
53 people are currently reading
1293 people want to read
About the author
Alice Miller
17 books1,052 followersAlice Miller was a Polish-Swiss psychologist, psychoanalyst and philosopher of Jewish origin, who is noted for her books on parental child abuse, translated into several languages. She was also a noted public intellectual.
Her book The Drama of the Gifted Child caused a sensation and became an international bestseller upon the English publication in 1981. Her views on the consequences of child abuse became highly influential. In her books she departed from psychoanalysis, charging it with being similar to the poisonous pedagogies.
Her book The Drama of the Gifted Child caused a sensation and became an international bestseller upon the English publication in 1981. Her views on the consequences of child abuse became highly influential. In her books she departed from psychoanalysis, charging it with being similar to the poisonous pedagogies.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews
August 10, 2016
If anyone needs me, I'll be walking the earth, reading this book into a megaphone.
Sadly, not much has changed: the myth of the "wicked" child, the child-as-property mindset, the taboo on interfering...All of it.
Sadly, not much has changed: the myth of the "wicked" child, the child-as-property mindset, the taboo on interfering...All of it.
February 12, 2008
In her previous (excellent) book, THE DRAMA OF THE GIFTED CHILD, Alice Miller still wrote from a psychoanalytic frame of reference. Now she has abandoned that model of therapy, believing that it only further instills in the client a repression of feeling memory.
Everyone who thinks that s/he might be a parent should read this.
Just wait until you read her observation about Santa Claus! What a revelation!
From BANISHED KNOWLEDGE...
"Every child depends on others for the satisfaction of his needs because he cannot look after himself.... The only possible recourse a baby has when his screams are ignored is to repress his distress, which is tantamount to mutilating his soul, for the result is an interference with his ability to feel, to be aware, and to remember."
"Many people still have no idea that they are placing dynamite in our world when they abuse their children physically or even 'only' psychically. They describe their actions as proper and necessary."
"Not to take one's own suffering seriously, to make light of it or even laugh at it, is considered good manners in our culture. This attitude is even called a virtue, and many people are proud of their lack of sensitivity toward their own fate and above all toward their own childhood."
"Philosophers and other intellectuals have fashioned numerous ways of keeping pain at a distance with the aid of thoughts and of disregarding the realities of life with the aid of an ostensibly befining language."
Well-written: 3; Kept attention: 3.
Everyone who thinks that s/he might be a parent should read this.
Just wait until you read her observation about Santa Claus! What a revelation!
From BANISHED KNOWLEDGE...
"Every child depends on others for the satisfaction of his needs because he cannot look after himself.... The only possible recourse a baby has when his screams are ignored is to repress his distress, which is tantamount to mutilating his soul, for the result is an interference with his ability to feel, to be aware, and to remember."
"Many people still have no idea that they are placing dynamite in our world when they abuse their children physically or even 'only' psychically. They describe their actions as proper and necessary."
"Not to take one's own suffering seriously, to make light of it or even laugh at it, is considered good manners in our culture. This attitude is even called a virtue, and many people are proud of their lack of sensitivity toward their own fate and above all toward their own childhood."
"Philosophers and other intellectuals have fashioned numerous ways of keeping pain at a distance with the aid of thoughts and of disregarding the realities of life with the aid of an ostensibly befining language."
Well-written: 3; Kept attention: 3.
January 3, 2016
If I'd read this book a year ago, I'd have given it 5 stars for its take-no-prisoners approach to condemning abusive parenting practices.
Miller shines a merciless spotlight on what's 'wrong' with many of the fundamental assumptions that many parents make when it comes to dealing with their children, and clearly shows how much deep, lasting damage can be done in the name of 'teaching lessons' and 'discipline'.
Miller's motto is: the child is always right!
In the past, I would have agreed 100%. Now, I have a slightly different view: the child is always good!
Which sounds like semantics, but actually makes all the difference in the world, because even abusive parents were once children, and reminding them of their innate goodness (instead of just condemning the cruel characters they've become) is the key to really healing the problem.
So still a great, if harsh book to read by a former psychoanalyst, that does a very good job of describing the basic problem, but falls short in terms of finding a truly acceptable solution.
Miller shines a merciless spotlight on what's 'wrong' with many of the fundamental assumptions that many parents make when it comes to dealing with their children, and clearly shows how much deep, lasting damage can be done in the name of 'teaching lessons' and 'discipline'.
Miller's motto is: the child is always right!
In the past, I would have agreed 100%. Now, I have a slightly different view: the child is always good!
Which sounds like semantics, but actually makes all the difference in the world, because even abusive parents were once children, and reminding them of their innate goodness (instead of just condemning the cruel characters they've become) is the key to really healing the problem.
So still a great, if harsh book to read by a former psychoanalyst, that does a very good job of describing the basic problem, but falls short in terms of finding a truly acceptable solution.
March 13, 2011
This book changed my life. It helped me begin to face the depth of my childhood pain.
February 26, 2017
I recognize that there has been a backlash against Alice Miller’s way of thinking, that there is the sense that she has overstated her case against the cruelties parents ignorantly inflict on their children. In the 1980s, when I first discovered her works (For Your Own Good and Thou Shalt Not Be Aware), I became a father and was given much to chew on.
There’s in Miller a very strong, earnest message, a way of seeing child-rearing that is much at odds with the general way we in the West have practiced it for millennia. Her message is no less earthshaking than Freud’s, when he insisted that children carried within them powerful sexual desires that very often led people into neurotic behavior as adults. Miller, on the other hand, contends that children are innocent of such desires, and that natural cravings for love in children are quashed and demeaned by parents compelled to repeat their own, similar, traumatic upbringings.
The word “trauma” triggers for most of us a vision of large emotional explosions, but Miller asserts that the occasions for psychic wounds may be as easily be a parent’s silence and absence. She explains that the sensitive child, in particular, is more apt to react with grief, bewilderment, and repressed hurt to parents’ slights.
In the two books I’d read earlier, with their scholarly review of pedagogical texts through the centuries and the series of case studies, there seemed a poetic leap, a bridging of phenomena with an imaginative reconstruction of emotion and affect. While intuitively, it sounds plausible, there has always been at the back of my mind the question about what one does as an adult to abolish the trauma and resume the loving, innocent naivete of one’s childhood…? I envision it as an attempt to return to Edenic circumstances, a quest that will never be fulfilled.
A further concern as a parent is what, specifically, does good parenting look like…? There are suggestions that it entails a selfless concern for the child’s welfare, but in my experience that is nearly impossible. (And perhaps that is my own upbringing that is speaking; the unwillingness or inability to give wholly and selflessly to ensure my child’s intact psyche.)
In any case, this later work by Miller covers the same ground and makes the case that a “witness” may help an abusive parent uncover the wellsprings of his or her abusive behavior in their own upbringing. But there seems a mechanism in the rehabilitation of the abusive parent that is missing; how does knowledge of the past make a better parent (or restore to the parent what he had himself suppressed)...?
The underlying point Miller makes is sound; parents can be unnecessarily and ignorantly cruel, little realizing the harm they can do, even when their cruelty entails only silence, absence or slighting words. Care and vigilance may help to break the cycle of abuse (and it can be ever so slight to constitute “abuse” in her estimation), but this hypervigilance is a challenge that few of us will be able to implement. Not that we shouldn’t try…
There’s in Miller a very strong, earnest message, a way of seeing child-rearing that is much at odds with the general way we in the West have practiced it for millennia. Her message is no less earthshaking than Freud’s, when he insisted that children carried within them powerful sexual desires that very often led people into neurotic behavior as adults. Miller, on the other hand, contends that children are innocent of such desires, and that natural cravings for love in children are quashed and demeaned by parents compelled to repeat their own, similar, traumatic upbringings.
The word “trauma” triggers for most of us a vision of large emotional explosions, but Miller asserts that the occasions for psychic wounds may be as easily be a parent’s silence and absence. She explains that the sensitive child, in particular, is more apt to react with grief, bewilderment, and repressed hurt to parents’ slights.
In the two books I’d read earlier, with their scholarly review of pedagogical texts through the centuries and the series of case studies, there seemed a poetic leap, a bridging of phenomena with an imaginative reconstruction of emotion and affect. While intuitively, it sounds plausible, there has always been at the back of my mind the question about what one does as an adult to abolish the trauma and resume the loving, innocent naivete of one’s childhood…? I envision it as an attempt to return to Edenic circumstances, a quest that will never be fulfilled.
A further concern as a parent is what, specifically, does good parenting look like…? There are suggestions that it entails a selfless concern for the child’s welfare, but in my experience that is nearly impossible. (And perhaps that is my own upbringing that is speaking; the unwillingness or inability to give wholly and selflessly to ensure my child’s intact psyche.)
In any case, this later work by Miller covers the same ground and makes the case that a “witness” may help an abusive parent uncover the wellsprings of his or her abusive behavior in their own upbringing. But there seems a mechanism in the rehabilitation of the abusive parent that is missing; how does knowledge of the past make a better parent (or restore to the parent what he had himself suppressed)...?
The underlying point Miller makes is sound; parents can be unnecessarily and ignorantly cruel, little realizing the harm they can do, even when their cruelty entails only silence, absence or slighting words. Care and vigilance may help to break the cycle of abuse (and it can be ever so slight to constitute “abuse” in her estimation), but this hypervigilance is a challenge that few of us will be able to implement. Not that we shouldn’t try…
March 28, 2022
Alice Miller remains a legend to me, and I intend to read all her books. Her relentless defense of the feelings of the child against cruelty, abuse, and insensitivity is not just intellectually important, but her style conveys a profound spirit of empathy and courage. If I find shortcomings, they might be in myself and my process, but the righteous indignation and the excessive focus on societal problems, rather than personal healing processes, leave some of her books, this included, less therapeutic than I had wished. I picked up this book particularly hoping that it would focus more on the personal process of facing childhood injuries. The book contains her process of finding what worked for her, and a bit on what readers can take away, but I certainly did not find the small portion at the end of this book a sufficient guide for this work. Like many of her books from this era, it directs the reader towards Konrad Stettenbacher, whose short book Making Meaning of Suffering, I found excessively scientific and clinical in tone, and the self-help steps concise to a fault. Fortunately, the field of psychotherapy has changed a lot since Miller's time and there's a lot more work done on how to heal traumatic wounds. Nonetheless, much of that work miss Miller's emotional depth and power. I would suggest readers look into Peter Levine in conjunction with Miller; I find his approach similar but vastly superior to Stettenbacher, and his shortcomings match Miller's strengths well, and vise versa. Hopefully someday, we will have a book which can do it all, but for now, I don't know of one.
March 18, 2021
If you’ve had a bad childhood, read this book. If you’ve had a good childhood, read this book. If you aren’t quite sure about your childhood and want to embark on a search for answers and meaning in your life, you really need to read this book. And if you care about the welfare of a child’s mind, read this book.
March 30, 2009
Deserves 7 stars
July 27, 2007
Alice Miller's thinking is hard to find all in one book, but this is a good starting place. Read as many as you need to to learn how the attitude toward and treatment of children effects the individual and entire societies.
May 6, 2022
Αν παραβλέψει κάνεις την άκρατη αυτοαναφορικότητα της Μίλλερ, το οτι υποστηρίζει τα συμπεράσματα της με ελάχιστα επιχειρήματα τεκμηρίωσης (υποβαθμίζοντας τα έτσι στο να εκλαμβάνονται τις περισσότερες φορές ως σωστά και αξιόλογα με διαισθητικό μόνο τρόπο από τη μεριά του αναγνώστη) καθώς και τον φαύλο κύκλο στον οποίο συνεχώς πέφτει και πάει ως εξής: οι ενήλικοι πρέπει να πάψουν να απωθούν την κακοποίηση που δέχτηκαν ως παιδιά και όποιος ενήλικος δεν συμμερίζεται τα συμπεράσματα της απωθεί αυτή την κακοποίηση (έτσι ώστε ακόμα και η άρνηση των θεωριών της να τις επιβεβαιώνει, ένα επιχείρημα στο οποίο επαναπαυεται πολλές φορές) – πρόκειται για ένα ανατρεπτικό βιβλίο που αγγίζει ένα πολύ ευαίσθητο και πολύ σοβαρό θέμα με σοβαρότητα και επιμονή, με στόχο να προστατεύσει τα παιδιά, ανοίγοντας τα μάτια των ενηλίκων απέναντι στον πόνο που και οι ίδιοι ένιωσαν σαν παιδιά και με τελικό σκοπό την έξοδο από μια αυτοτροφοδοτουμενη διαδικασία που αναπαράγει την κακοποίηση και τελικά μας ζημιώνει όλους μας.
Άξια επίσης η όλη ιδέα ότι δεν αποτελεί αμαρτία το να κατηγορήσει κανείς τους γονείς του για τα δεινά που μπορεί να υπέστη εξαιτίας τους.
Άξια επίσης η όλη ιδέα ότι δεν αποτελεί αμαρτία το να κατηγορήσει κανείς τους γονείς του για τα δεινά που μπορεί να υπέστη εξαιτίας τους.
January 11, 2025
“Es ist nicht wahr, daß das Böse, Destruktive, Perverse notwendig zur menschlichen Existenz gehört, auch wenn dies immer wieder behauptet wird. Es ist aber wahr, daß das Böse ständig neu produziert wird und mit ihm ein Meer von Leid für Millionen geschaffen wird, das ebenfalls vermeidbar wäre. Wenn einst die aus der Verdrängung der Kindheit entstandene Ignoranz aufgehoben sein wird und die Menschheit erwacht ist, kann sie diese Produktion des Bösen einstellen.“
March 20, 2020
It was such a refreshing experience, to know that I wasn't being paranoid when I thought from time to that that society would do anything to refrain from blaming the parent. I'm not shy about my abusive parents in any way, I always try to voice my feelings and experiences so that people know that they are not alone, like I used to think. But always, always there are people who say "You should be ashamed of yourself! Your parents gave you life! They fed you and you dare to blame them?! Shame!" I always thought that it was something about Turkish culture but Miller says it's a worldwide habit.
It made my eyes water, when she explained how people refrain from blaming the actual responsible one. When you kill someone, you are a murderer. When you steal, you are thief. But when you abuse and traumatise your own children, you are suddenly off the hook. You can't be blamed. The ultimate blame is always seen on the wicked child.
Banished Knowledge, you were a godsend book and made me question my own parents' parents to see why they raised me like this. Thank you Alice Miller. For showing the courage on putting the blame where it belongs.
It made my eyes water, when she explained how people refrain from blaming the actual responsible one. When you kill someone, you are a murderer. When you steal, you are thief. But when you abuse and traumatise your own children, you are suddenly off the hook. You can't be blamed. The ultimate blame is always seen on the wicked child.
Banished Knowledge, you were a godsend book and made me question my own parents' parents to see why they raised me like this. Thank you Alice Miller. For showing the courage on putting the blame where it belongs.
June 11, 2012
This was so amazing that I had to re-read several chapters and went back for more...so incrediblely important.
Please read this...you owe yourself and your children the knowledge presented between the covers of what Alice Miller has to say.
I'm moved beyond words and can't digest all of it...going back for more. Let the ramifications of this banished knowledge sink into my phychie and absorb the consequences of denial that has put our children in danger.
Totally life-changing...I must study this deeper!
Please read this...you owe yourself and your children the knowledge presented between the covers of what Alice Miller has to say.
I'm moved beyond words and can't digest all of it...going back for more. Let the ramifications of this banished knowledge sink into my phychie and absorb the consequences of denial that has put our children in danger.
Totally life-changing...I must study this deeper!
October 26, 2020
I can’t say how much her books have helped me understand the effects of childhood abuse has had on me. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life due to this. Her words make a lot of sense to why I am how I am today. At 40 years old, I am only just beginning to work through the repressed childhood memories of my abuse and with the insight provided by her books, I hope to find the work I need to do less painful.
May 29, 2010
Think I need to re-read this one. I remember thinking it was important and thought-provoking.
December 6, 2010
been a long time but I recall this book in particular was excellent
November 25, 2015
Wow. Leaves a lot to think about. Don't reject or accept this on its face. Really engage. I imagine I'll be doing so for years.
October 25, 2019
This book changed my life- literally. My eyes were opened wide to the effects of childhood trauma and I was able to go deeper into my own healing work- many many years ago!
May 17, 2021
Άλλο ένα υπέροχο βιβλίο από την Alice Miller! Το προτείνω ανεπιφύλακτα! Το οφείλουμε στο παιδί μέσα μας να βρούμε το χαμένο μας εαυτό και να προστατευσουμε από την κακοποίηση και τις επόμενες γενιές.
November 20, 2024
Como en el caso de "El cuerpo nunca miente" y "El drama del niño dotado" (ensayos que me parecen más elegantes y sugerentes), Alice Miller ejerce aquí su voz para denunciar poderosamente una verdad muy necesaria. Eso es, el legado patológico que tantos padres imponen a sus hijos al haber descuidado una ética esencial: interrogarse sobre sus traumas y sus problemas, preguntarse quiénes son y de dónde viene su malestar y, de este modo, evitar repetir y transferir sus fracasos y sufrimientos en sus hijos. Sólo por esto, su obra merece ser tenida en cuenta.
El problema es que, en este ensayo, Miller acentúa defectos previos, convirtiéndose en una suerte de elefante dentro de una cacharrería. Le faltan excesivos matices, exagera en ocasiones y emplea un léxico no siempre adecuado: esgrime el significante "culpa" en demasía (no conoce el término "responsabilidad"), esgrime el significante "crimen" a menudo, etcétera... A brozachos y trompicones, resulta taxativa en extremo al proponer cierto reduccionismo causa-efectista que no siempre soporta una crítica filosófica.
Por otra parte, Miller se muestra especialmente ofuscada con cierto tipo de psicoanálisis, uno antiguo y anquilosado si le hacemos caso. Desconociendo las tendencias del psiconálisis lacaniano y otras renovaciones ulteriores de las que parece no tener ni idea, la autora crítica aspectos de la obra freudiana (que, sorpredentemente, pareciera no haber entendido en su completitud). Su crítica de la "asociación libre", por poner un ejemplo, es totalmente absurda.
Si bien llega a resultar un misterio el porqué de su extraño ensañamiento contra el psicoanálisis, hace poco me enteré de que su hijo (una vez fallecida la madre) escribió sobre las profundas contradicciones de su madre. Y ahí parece estar parte del quid: Alice Miller siempre vivió en la insatisfacción, entre hallazgos y terapias, creencias y sufrimientos.
En conclusión, una obra contradictoria y una autora contradictoria, psicoanalítica (mal que le pese), pero independiente y valiente. Capaz de gritar muchos de los "reprimidos" males de la sociedad pero, eso sí, con una perspectiva a menudo poco meditada.
El problema es que, en este ensayo, Miller acentúa defectos previos, convirtiéndose en una suerte de elefante dentro de una cacharrería. Le faltan excesivos matices, exagera en ocasiones y emplea un léxico no siempre adecuado: esgrime el significante "culpa" en demasía (no conoce el término "responsabilidad"), esgrime el significante "crimen" a menudo, etcétera... A brozachos y trompicones, resulta taxativa en extremo al proponer cierto reduccionismo causa-efectista que no siempre soporta una crítica filosófica.
Por otra parte, Miller se muestra especialmente ofuscada con cierto tipo de psicoanálisis, uno antiguo y anquilosado si le hacemos caso. Desconociendo las tendencias del psiconálisis lacaniano y otras renovaciones ulteriores de las que parece no tener ni idea, la autora crítica aspectos de la obra freudiana (que, sorpredentemente, pareciera no haber entendido en su completitud). Su crítica de la "asociación libre", por poner un ejemplo, es totalmente absurda.
Si bien llega a resultar un misterio el porqué de su extraño ensañamiento contra el psicoanálisis, hace poco me enteré de que su hijo (una vez fallecida la madre) escribió sobre las profundas contradicciones de su madre. Y ahí parece estar parte del quid: Alice Miller siempre vivió en la insatisfacción, entre hallazgos y terapias, creencias y sufrimientos.
En conclusión, una obra contradictoria y una autora contradictoria, psicoanalítica (mal que le pese), pero independiente y valiente. Capaz de gritar muchos de los "reprimidos" males de la sociedad pero, eso sí, con una perspectiva a menudo poco meditada.
February 6, 2022
Another excellent Book from Alice Miller
Highly recommend reading for parents and people who are struggling with their childhood memories. One of the often heard things is when someone realizes that they are acting exactly like their Parents in a way that they originally condemned. This is the book for you. In fact all Alice Miller's writings would be of great benefit. It addresses a child's need to forget what their Parents did to them that scared them, was unjust, was even abusive as they were dependent on them for survival. This forgetting doesn't go away after adulthood is reached but remains like a program running in the background until you have children. This book is valuable in changing the future of our species if enough people choose to deal with this repressed programing. My two favorite books by Alice Miller are "For Your Own Good" which eirely used the exact words my Father used, and "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware".
Highly recommend reading for parents and people who are struggling with their childhood memories. One of the often heard things is when someone realizes that they are acting exactly like their Parents in a way that they originally condemned. This is the book for you. In fact all Alice Miller's writings would be of great benefit. It addresses a child's need to forget what their Parents did to them that scared them, was unjust, was even abusive as they were dependent on them for survival. This forgetting doesn't go away after adulthood is reached but remains like a program running in the background until you have children. This book is valuable in changing the future of our species if enough people choose to deal with this repressed programing. My two favorite books by Alice Miller are "For Your Own Good" which eirely used the exact words my Father used, and "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware".
January 5, 2023
This is a wonderful book. However, I wouldn’t say that every parents-to-be must read this book, because I know some people read the book and will still come to terms of abusing their child. Simply because there are parents that never repress their pain from their own parents, but telling the painful experience to their children. On one hand, they say: I will never beat you because I knew how painful to a child it is, on the other hand, they lock the child up in an attic. When questioned, they still tell the child, see? I never beat you.
Above example is exactly Alice Miller showed in Eugène’s play, where lying mother denying the realities of her son, driving him crazy.
☹️
Above example is exactly Alice Miller showed in Eugène’s play, where lying mother denying the realities of her son, driving him crazy.
☹️
April 2, 2019
In this book Miller redifines her previous theories, based on other psychoanalysists, and produces her own ideas. She also looks back on her previous book "The Drama of the Gifted Child" and corrects her thoughts, implying she now understands more. This book is an argument in solving. It is short so a perfect quick read as an introduction to the depths of the unconcious, and to her theories in general. I only give it three stars because it is a lot of information that has previously been stated in her other books, and can be repetitive.
January 27, 2023
« Les parents ne sont, pour la plupart, pas des monstres qu’il faudrait apaiser avec de bonnes paroles pour qu’ils ne hurlent pas, mais souvent des enfants désespérés qui doivent d’abord apprendre à voir les réalités et à percevoir leur responsabilité. »
J’adore. À méditer pour ma pratique professionnelle.
J’adore. À méditer pour ma pratique professionnelle.
July 31, 2018
Alice Miller should be required reading for the entire human species.
This book is fantastic, but not the place to start. Drama of the Gifted Child, For Your Own Good, and Thou Shalt Not be Aware are all better launching points into her work.
But this book is still wonderful in its own right.
This book is fantastic, but not the place to start. Drama of the Gifted Child, For Your Own Good, and Thou Shalt Not be Aware are all better launching points into her work.
But this book is still wonderful in its own right.
December 19, 2019
A straightforward essay that focuses on the concept of child abuse, and how often society disregards its impact on the devolopment of a personality, leading to the perpetuation of violence in childrearing for generations.
May 19, 2020
I am glad that I suddenly decided to read this book. reading such harsh reality of my childhood was bothering me but it also baught me a great sense of relief. I know now I can break my patterns and I know the reason of all my negativity. I loved this book. it's a good read for everyone.
September 4, 2021
The journey towards greater understanding can be inconvenient sometimes, even distressing. Alice Miller's work challenges our most treasured mythology, which can make for uncomfortable reading, but also makes an important contribution towards understanding why we are how we are.
July 6, 2019
Brilliant, as usual.
December 10, 2020
As usual, Alice Miller and her eyes opening view. So grateful that i found her books and get enlightened.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews