Infreakinfertility: How to Survive When Getting Pregnant Gets Hard

by Melanie Dale

"This isn't a book about conquering infertility. This is a book about surviving it." I felt like a babyless freak. No matter what we tried, I couldn’t get pregnant, even after standing on my head after sex. I was pretty sure I was the only woman on the planet going through infertility, certainly the only one jamming needles into my butt on commercial breaks during my favorite TV shows. Everyone was getting pregnant around me and no one was talking about what happened if you couldn’t. After my experience, I wanted to write a book for other infertile women and couples who feel alone, the book I wish I’d had when I was going through it, filled with dark humor and illustrations of quirky ovaries and whimsical sperm. If you’re like me, you want blunt, honest conversations about all the crazy stuff you’re going through with someone who’s been there and understands at least some of what you’re dealing with and how you’re feeling. And if it can somehow give you permission to laugh without diminishing the pain you’re feeling? Even better. This is the funnest book you’ll ever read about the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. Each chapter covers a different challenge with infertility and is broken into sections, a little of my story and concerns, a blurb from my husband, Alex, kind of a window into his dudely brain, and practical tips on how to cope. Read it yourself, read it as a couple, and if you’re struggling to explain your feelings to friends and family, hurl a copy at them and run away. I really wish you didn’t need this book, but since you do, come on over. You’re not alone.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting

140 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 23, 2018

About the author

***Melanie's debut novel, GIRL OF LORE, hits shelves April 21, 2026! Preorder it now to get the deluxe limited edition with sprayed edges and gold foil!***

Before embracing her love of monsters and sneaking into the fictional world of GIRL OF LORE, Melanie Dale published a bunch of nonfiction books, shambled around as a zombie on TV, and survived cancer. She’s written episodes for the anthology horror television series CREEPSHOW and over a decade of essays for COFFEE+CRUMBS. While she’s won no awards for literature, one time she won a Halloween costume contest and still feels pretty stoked about it. When she’s not writing, she’s teaching yoga or battling her own brain. She lives in the Atlanta area.

Reviews

[Alissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I don’t regret letting myself hope, because if you’ve been going through infertility for any amount of time, you know that hope is hard to cling to but sometimes you have to give yourself over to it in order to survive.”

Five stars for this book. Reading it was like talking to a friend who TRULY gets it.

[Brittany Burrell · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a small comfort during a hard time, but nothing super insightful. The author also talks a lot about God and Christianity. I skipped those parts.

[Mélanie Gagné · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an informative book with powerful messages! I loved reading Melanie’s journey, especially her and her husband’s funny excerpts as they navigated infertility and all the challenges that came along with it. Her book was very accessible, easy to read. It brought along tears, giggles but was so comforting. Highly highly recommend!

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75? A very different read on the topic! She is relatable and reminds the reader that she is not alone. She doesn’t shy away from anything, which can be blunt but sometimes appreciated! She gave details about her IVF experience (which had complications) and that scared me more than encouraged me! Haha😅

[Menika · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book hit the nail on the head. For me, reading some of these passages was speaking words to emotions and experiences I couldn’t describe. If you are going through infertility or know someone who is, I highly recommend this book. It’s sheds a lot of light, empathy and even a bit of humor on what is considered a taboo subject.

[McKenna Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was incredibly healing. The faith chapter especially. Definitely will be reading again soon.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I blew through this in one sitting. Laughing. Crying. Nodding. Seen as I'm about to go into my fourth IVF. Everyone going through infertility should read this book because it's honesty is refreshing. Melanie gets it, she's not talking our dreams up or saying puffy things to make us feel better. But because she's walked this road the honesty is refreshing and validating. Read this book.

[Shawna Peryea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read my fair share of infertility books. Some are boring, some are even more boring. Others try too hard to be funny and don’t understand that infertility lasts longer than just a year. I read this right after finding out my younger sister is pregnant. This book is pure perfection and made me laugh, cry, and not feel alone. Thanks for making such a hard subject easier to get through.

[Hannah Pelt · Rating 5 out of 5]

For all the friends struggling with choices between science and feeling like you are doing it all wrong. To the people that feel alone in their journey because you may not have that friend group that has been through the struggle of trying to have a baby or the loss off. They do try their best. This book is for you. This book makes you feel realistic to what you may be feeling emotionally.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource for helping and simply being there for friends struggling with infertility.

[Lara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started this book as I was beginning my third round of IVF. It made me laugh and it made me cry and so much resonated with me. If you are going through your own infertility journey, I highly recommend reading this. All of our stories are unique and should be shared as you never know who you might be helping along the way. Thanks for sharing your story Mel and being there with me along this journey!

[Emily Zupkus · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated this book, because it made me feel less alone, but I found myself frequently cringing.

[Bri · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 ⭐️

A thoughtful book gifted to me that felt both validating but also had some ouches and misses for me when it came to the religion and adoption topics.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

So so so good and helpful! So nice to be seen and known by a writer. This book was passed on to me from a friend with the same struggle, so it’s all the more sweeter.

[Rita T · Rating 5 out of 5]

Estou grata por este livro, ajudou-me muito.

[Courtney Featherstone · Rating 5 out of 5]

I haven’t read a 5 star book in a long time. I definitely didn’t expect the next one would be a book about infertility. I want to highlight the whole book and send it to my friends, family, husband, co-workers…anyone who has a relationship with me. You mean to tell me everything that makes me a difficult human to everyone over the last 11.5 years of infertility with no baby is….normal??? Hello.

I didn’t think it would be this good. I was desperate for some kind of understanding of my situation and this book actually did the job. Turning 35 with no fertility success is the scariest chapter of life I have encountered so far. Continually walking a road of a journey that feels scary, isolating, and unfathomable to the ‘fertles’ is inevitably making me stronger and I know that. It was nice to feel pieces of my experience peppered throughout this book in ways that didn’t make me feel less than-just seen.

I needed permission to keep being hopeful. That dreaming and experiencing hope isn’t dumb even after 11 years of failure. It’s hard to grasp for hope after so long and not feel like someone needs to lock you up for delusions.

**lots of god references and ethical/moral contemplation that goes along with religion. Though I don’t agree I am spiritual and I did not have an issue with the god content in this book**

[Lorraine Reep · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the honesty and casual style of Melanie’s first two books. Perhaps that is the reason that although I’ve not experienced infertility, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her latest book. I expected the same direct style mixed with appropriate humor and complete candor. Little did I know there would also be fun and slightly inappropriate (in some cases) stick figure illustrations to go along with her unrestrained approach to all the things related to her journey through infertility. I especially loved the blurb from her hubby Alex at the end of every chapter. It was a tender and thoughtful thing to peek into the heart of the man. I wept over Melanie’s story; my heart ached for her and her vulnerable, honest words must not be missed. If you are “trying” this book is for you; you will find in it a friend to walk with you. If you have a miracle baby, this book is for you; Melanie will share the tension she still feels when a friend announces she is pregnant. If you’ve adopted or aren’t sure if you want to, come get some insight into that path. And if you’ve ever wanted to throat punch someone over the things they say, I promise this book is going to have you on your feet in solidarity with Melanie.

[Rachael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sometimes it's just nice to know that someone else out there understands.

Profound: not really. But as I said, sometimes it's just nice to know that someone else out there understands--someone who's willing to talk about everything from the medical angles to religion, from well meaning and soul-killing friends to the dreaded Mother's Day, sex to IVF to adoption.

Practical: debatable, at least as a how-to book. But supportive, yes. It has some tips for surviving--things the author has tried, things she wished she had done better. It's the sort of book that would be great to hand over to friends and family who don't understand what you're going through (and then you can avoid talking about the awkward subjects, which in my opinion is just about everything).

Funny: definitely for a person with a darker sense of humor, but sci-fi/fantasy fans will appreciate the myriad of references. I sure did. Granted, it also made me curl into a ball of tears because it's a subject that hurts, no matter how much humor is injected into it.

I reiterate: sometimes it's just nice to know that someone else out there understands.

[Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I made good grades in school, got into college where I wanted to go, never really had a major thing I couldn't achieve without hard work and diligence. Until infertility. I could not work my way out of it. I could not make myself get pregnant.

Such a well written book that takes you through the journey of infertility. There's no do this or that or medical jargon. The author tells her story and what helped her but gives ideas for other options too. She often wrote what I was feeling or thinking, it's helpful to know I'm not alone in those thoughts or feelings. I will admit I was a little concerned because she has a chapter on faith but it's not preachy at all.

I appreciated the husband's inserts as well as infertility is not usually a one sided diagnosis. I shared then with my husband and he definitely related to it.

Highly recommend the book to anyone going through infertility but also family and friends.

[Brigette Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

As my OBGYN appointment approached, the one I had been dreading where I knew I was going to be diagnosed as infertile (For those that don't know, if you don't get pregnant within a year of being off birth control, you are considered infertile)
So I had heard about this book and decided to read it just to see if there was anything that could help.
This book is more than helpful. Its real. It was like I was talking to a friend who understood. Each chapter is short so a quick read into a certain subject is very doable. The author gives you a list of helpful things to do in each situation. At the end of each chapter, the author gives you an idea of what the next chapter is about so if that subject doesn't apply to you or your situation, you can skip it. I will be keeping this book for reference and I don't keep many books anymore. I recommend this read for anyone who is wanting a baby but for some reason, it isn't going how they thought or planned.

[Jenny Jerkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

In her usual style, Melanie tackles the difficult topic of infertility with boldness and humor. If you are looking for a book that screams “ME TOO,” then this is it. Through all my years of infertility struggles, I never had a book that made me feel sane or that echoed so much of what I felt. I wish
I had this book to make me feel less alone at that time. Not only will you shout a lot of “amens”
as you read it, but you will also laugh and cry. And you will appreciate having a male perspective
as Melanie’s husband shares in each chapter. This book is practical and should be given to every woman you know because either she is facing infertility or knows someone who is. If you aren’t infertile, then read this book to better understand how to help your friend who is because it says all the things she may be scared to say to you.

[Rachael Aday · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like I can’t say it better than the back cover - “This isn’t a book about conquering infertility. This is a book about surviving it.” It was so refreshing to read a book that, instead of playing into the pity and shame you feel during infertility, poked fun at the stupid shit people say to you during the process while also acknowledging the hurt only someone going through the journey will ever understand. This book had me cracking up on one page, and then sobbing my eyes out on the next (and no, I promise it wasn’t just because of my Letrozole prescription.) Highly recommend to anyone experiencing infertility, OR for someone who isn’t and just wants to see a glimpse into the brain of their loved one who is.

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

A small book, but a valuable one. Melanie is a good friend in a tough time. Full of candor, humor, solid life advice, encouragement, and realism. I love how she tells you what the next chapter is about at the end of each one and why you might not want to read it (and instead perhaps throw her book across the room). I also appreciate her mature, personal, and nuanced approach to a faith that is very different than my own. This book is a good, quick read for anyone in or adjacent to infertility. Thank you, Melanie.

[Mia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Melanie Dale approaches this difficult topic with her usual style...humor and being real. She gets quite honest about her personal journey with infertility, and writes to help others understand and heal, not to offer solutions. Though I have not personally struggled with infertility, I have walked that road with many friends as they did, and I read this book to gain better perspective into that world. I highly recommend this book to others like myself who want to better relate to their friends who have or are currently struggling with infertility.

[Jacquelin Erickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read my fair share of infertility books, but this one is the Holy Grail. Being knee deep in our own infertility journey and two recent early miscarriages, I appreciate that the author acknowledges that while IVF worked for her once, she also has two other beautiful children through adoption. It’s a reminder that people can become parents outside of natural conception or IVF, and that your own DNA doesn’t mean much when you become a parent to a baby or child, biological or adopted. This book is filled with excellent advice, wisdom, and humor.

[Rachael Hastings · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was funny and cute and makes infertility not feel like such an ostracizing experience. I may for the rest of my life refer to fertile people as “fertles” because it’s funny and it works. I will say if you’re actively going through fertility treatments hold off on reading it (there are some statistics listed that aren’t necessarily positive/can make you feel bummed when you want to feel hopeful). Anddd there are some heavy religious elements that did not resonate at all for me but could help someone else I’m sure. Overall I give it a 4/5.

[Amanda Cappel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was given this book as a gift from my friends. We are on the other side of IVF so I had already gone through the process. This book was relatable but I wish she had stories from other people experiencing IVF. It also made me feel down about our future progress even though our infertility struggles are very different and our outcome will (hopefully) be different. Maybe if I had read it before IVF, I may feel different about the book.

[Hope H · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I would have loved to have when I was in the thick of my infertility struggle. There's just the right combination of vulnerability, humor and encouragement for anyone on the incredibly difficult journey of infertility. Melanie has been there and shares great advice for surviving the struggle.

[Keslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Validating, affirming and healing

Infertility is tough for so many reasons. This was a fresh approach to describe the journey of infertility and strategies for coping. I identified with so many of the topics discussed in this book and validated my hard, confusing feelings. An excellent read!

[Afton V. B. Pryor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beam of infertility light

This book helped me at my husband so much about us and our infertility journey. Melanie truly shows in insight in the infertility world. This book is comical, Heartfelt, In truly inspiring. I highly recommend this book with anyone going through any kind of infertility issues.