Bang Up

by Jeff Strand

"You want to pay me to sleep with your wife?"

Kirk is extremely surprised by Ralph's proposition. He's even more surprised by the next part: Kirk is supposed to perform BADLY, to make Ralph look good by comparison. And Julie isn't supposed to know that any of this was planned.

It's the kind of offer any smart, sane person would turn down. But this is not a book about smart, sane people. This is "bad decisions spiral out of control" all the way.

From the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of PRESSURE and DWELLER comes something lighter, goofier, and way, way smuttier.

Genres: Humor, Horror, Fiction, Thriller, Ebooks

206 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 21, 2018

About the author

Bram Stoker Award-winning author of a bunch of demented books, including PRESSURE, DWELLER, CLOWNS VS. SPIDERS, AUTUMN BLEEDS INTO WINTER, MY PRETTIES, the official novelization of ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES, and lots of others!

Reviews

[Mort · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, does this mean I can say I've read an erotica book that I liked?

Jeff Strand is absolutely hilarious - his Acknowledgements for this books says:
Though they will deny reading this smut, thanks to...

Strand takes a break from his normal horror and does an experiment with this book - in my opinion, it worked, but simply because I think his humor is BRILLIANT. And, as a fan of his work, the erotica aspect was completely unexpected.

This story is about a man, Kirk, being approached by another man, Ralph, to sleep with his wife - and to do it so badly that his wife would never try to cheat on him again. Of course, things spiral out of control from there...

Okay, my thoughts on this book...hmmm...
Not all of Strand's fans will like this one, especially the hardcore horror fans. And, to put it as politically correct as possible, those who do not really appreciate the erotica genre. The reason is simple - I'm just a man, sitting in front of a Kindle, asking it to rather show me pictures than tell me the story...

Yes, ladies, I will not make fun of your taste in genre, but men are wired differently. It is in our nature to prefer visual stimulation - we can't help it. It is nature's way to make sure the survival of the species - it may give the biggest, most stuck up bitch in the world a chance to procreate. The blood leaves our brains for a reason, you know.

Having said that, words can excite us as well, but when the brain has no more blood left, it becomes irrelevant - we can falter at the beauty of a naked woman. Ahem, I don't blame you ladies for not feeling the same way - the male genitalia can't compare to a perfect breast.

I'm getting distracted with this - trying too hard not to come across as sexist...
Let's sum up:
Naked woman - Hooray!
Naked male - whatever...

Back to the book. The story is somewhat ridiculous, and I don't think anybody else could have pulled it off. It's the same way I think of slapstick comedy - for the most part, it's silly, immature and absurd. But, I have not seen a Charlie Chaplin silent film that didn't crack me up. Do you see where I'm going with this?

I can recommend this book for the humor - I have nothing to compare it to on the erotica scale.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Ralph pays Kirk to have sex with his wife in order to drive her back to him, he didn't count on Kirk getting infatuated with her. And he certainly didn't think he'd have to pay another man to kill Kirk...

On the heels of reading Sick House, Kelly told me about this book and leaned on me to read it. One night not long after, I split a bottle of sake with my wife and this book was mysteriously on my kindle the next morning so I had no choice but to read it.

Bang Up is that ages old story: guy can't get it up unless his wife wears a puppet on her hand, guy suspects wife of wanting to cheat on him and hires another man to have disappointing sex with her to drive her back to him, sexy time ensues. Haven't we all read that one before?

Seriously, though, this is some good shit right here. Jeff Strand tells a hilarious story of infidelity gone wrong, complete with discussions on whether or not three people constitutes an orgy and uncomfortable small talk during the intermission of a three-way.

I don't want to spoil too much. The filth is filthy, the humor is humorous, and I can't blame Ralph for getting all riled up. Suffice to say, this one is possibly, POSSIBLY, tied with Kumquat as my favorite Jeff Strand book.

The subtitle "A Filthy Comedic Thriller" is an apt one. I can't think of a book that better encompasses those things. Five out of five stars.

[Bridgett · Rating 4 out of 5]

**UPDATE upon second read - I liked it just as much!**

"You want to pay me to sleep with your wife?"

And so begins this filthy comedic thriller that is quite different from anything I've read from Jeff in the past...and I frickin' loved it. I laughed out loud while reading the first two pages, and that continued throughout the entirety of the book.

Bang Up: A Filthy Comedic Thriller is like the inbred baby of Indecent Proposal and Naked Gun...which is so, over-the-top epic.

The conclusion didn't quite work for me, but this is still well-worth a read, especially if you're looking for a story that doesn't take itself too seriously. It's fun and engaging and really naughty.

AVAILABLE NOW!

[Kelly (and the Book Boar) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/

A very short while back, my friend Bill was reading this selection and I was pretty sure I needed it in my life too. I gave Real Dan a big shove nudge in its direction too. I figured I would keep an eye out for a $.99 sale or until someone rewarded my oh-so-very-good-all-year behavior with an Amazon gift card come Christmastime and then treat myself. Lucky for me . . . .



But it’s more like where the saké drowns and the comedy porn chases your blues away because Dan got hammered and drunk-purchased this little beauty that he then kindly lent to me. (Isn’t he the best? Answer is yes he is.)

The story here starts with Ralph and Julie, a married couple. Things were perfectly okay in their relationship, until they brought a friend into their bedroom with them . . . .



Then it seemed Ralph couldn’t do anything without his little buddy guiding him along. When Ralph discovers Julie has been on internet dating sites trying to find some replacement smex, he does what any nutcase rational person would do and approaches a stranger to participate in some bad (emphasis on the BAD) intercourse with his wife in order to prove that old adage the grass isn't always greener . . . . but things don’t go quite as planned.

Jeff Strand has written one of my favorite rom coms of all time, one of my non-reading kid’s favorite books and now a porno . . . .


Ha! Who am I kidding? I love it! This story is exactly what it claims to be on the cover: a filthy comedic thriller. What it has in common with Strand’s other stuff? His signature dialogue-driven narrative. He’s one of the best at people doing the talky talky with each other, for sure. This won’t be for everyone – because it absolutely is porny and OTT, but if you’re brave enough to venture out of the “Strand is a HORROR writer” comfort zone, you might find his best stuff falls into other genres.

Undying gratitude to Dan for the lend. Let me know if I ever need to wear my biggest T-shirt in order to hide a gun in my pants for you!

[Bill · Rating 4 out of 5]

If Jeff Strand wrote an episode of Three’s Company directed by David Lynch with Ralph played by Ron Jeremy and a special cameo performance by Lamb Chop as the adorable Dippy.

While not as porny as I was anticipating there was definitely no shortage of the trademark Strand humor and quick-witted dialog. I couldn’t help waiting for a dismembered body to fall out of the sky, though. Alas, it was not to be. Didn’t need it. Not that kind of Strand.

Very well done and entertaining as hell. And 100% Strand. 4+ Stars!

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is described as a “filthy comedic thriller” - was it?

Filthy? Well yes it did have sex in it, a fair amount of well described sex in fact, but not in a romantic or an erotic way - in a very matter of fact way, occasionally funny, and in quite a blokey way, but the sex was absolutely essential to the story.

Comedic? Yes, from the very start, the whole premise is amusing and I admit to laughing out loud on occasion, it was close to hilarious in parts as I have found in books.

Was it a Thriller? Errrm ish very ish, not in the most serious sense that the word implies, but I guess it counts even if I’m chuckling at it at the same time? I wasn’t sure how it would pan out, to be honest literally anything could have happened so that was good to keep some suspense.

In summary: This book is seriously f**ked up, funny but in a f**ked up kinda way that Jeff Strand has absolutely mastered! It is also quite a blokey book, I’d imagine there is possibly only a small group of readers who would enjoy this but I absolutely did - don’t judge me!

Bonkers, Bawdy & Brilliant. 5*/5

[Richard · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve never once thought to myself, “Self, one thing you’re missing from your life is an erotic fiction novel from Jeff Strand.” That thought has never crossed my mind.

But I can say now, with full confidence, that yes, I did very much need to read erotica by Jeff Strand.

"Did you bring condoms?"
"Uh, no. Not to a planned murder. That's a whole different level of deviance."

At this point, Strand is a genre unto himself, but there’s no denying that this book is erotic fiction through-and-through (with all of its hot and heavy doses of sex), just with a bit of a twist.

A jealous husband named Ralph decides to approach a hot stud named Kent at a diner and hire him to have bad sex with his wife Julie so she can be dissuaded from cheating. Kent has the hots for Julie and Julie really wants to get laid, so obviously things don’t go as planned. No one has ever said anything about these characters being smart.

Ralph could handle his wife shouting the wrong name during sex, but not the wrong two names.

What follows is quite possibly one of the funniest books I’ve read, causing numerous moments of out-loud laughter as I marveled at the terrible decisions the characters made and the hilarious dialogue exchanges that Strand conjured up. One of the things that makes Strand’s work so irresistible and fun to read is the feeling that he’s having the time of his life writing this filth.

[WendyB · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely filthy, definitely funny, definitely Jeff Strand. It couldn't be anyone else.

[Darrell Grizzle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a different type of Jeff Strand novel. No horror here, and no Young Adult wackiness. But there IS a lot of Strand's trademark humor as well as dialogue that sounds realistic, even as the characters get themselves into increasingly-unrealistic situations. In Bang Up, the situations are sexual. Very sexual. This is definitely rated NC-17. I don't know how representative these sex scenes are of most heterosexuals, but if they require sock puppets in order to perform, I'm glad I'm gay.

[Ian · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great adult story which, as described, is most definitely a ‘filthy Comedic Thriller’. Although there is lots of sexually explicit content it is absolutely crucial to the intriguing and very clever narrative. Once again, as in all of J Strand’s adventures, the dialogue is deliberately absurd, as well as being well constructed, easy to read and vitally important to the general plot. Although there are only a few characters they were very believable and one, called ‘Skip’, was an absolute legend. In fact, the only slightly negative thing for me was the tame-ish ending - a little weak and a bit too nice - maybe it could have done with the usual, full blooded, messy Jeff Strand treatment for me. Then again, on the bright side, we may be lucky enough to see some of these same characters in ‘Bang Up 2’ sometime in the very near future - I certainly hope so. Overall, maybe not to everyone taste (strong sex scenes) but I certainly found it to be a very enjoyable read...and absolutely a 5* experience which should not be missed.

[Danny Farham · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Monty Python wrote erotica.

Jeff strand never fails to make me laugh and this book was no exception. If you're in to erotica, then there's plenty of filthy material to read, although you might be laughing too much to get turned on.

Imagine if Monty Python wrote erotica and you'll be close to the madness in this book. I'll never look at sock puppets the same again.

[Bandit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh man, I forgot how funny Jeff Strand is. No, not forgot per se, but just haven’t read him in a minute and now that’s he’s on KU unlimitedly, I can and oh man…freaking hilarious. Granted, I normally associated him more with something horrific or thrillery, but Strand’s got range, he does it all from YA to romantic comedies, all featuring his inimitable stylistic panache. This one is by far the smuttiest book of his I’ve read and possibly the funniest, at least on recent memory. I’m not generally a very emotive person, it takes a lot for a book to make me laugh out loud…repeatedly. And this tale of…what…an affair gone awry, maybe…certainly did the trick. It starts off with a properly indecent proposal, a man wants to pay a sexy stranger to sleep with his wife. The wife is very hot, younger and has been looking at dating sites a lot. The twist is that he’s paying for the sexy stranger to be so terrible at sex that it’ll turn his wife off wanting to have affairs. What can possibly go wrong. Oh, just about everyfreakingthing. Even if everyone does a bang up job. Soon enough it becomes a snowball of a clusterf*ck, one that might result in murder if only to take control of the situation. Well, at least the gun is brought into play. But before it gets to that, there’s tons of sex. Consensual, considerate, respecting of all parties sex…that somehow manages to check every politically correct box of our politically correct times and yet remain fun and funny. So just going by ratio of sex to plot, this is definitely smutty smutty smut, but not only does it totally work, but every sex scene actually directly serves and furthers the plot. Take that, Fifty Shades of Grey. Actually, that may not be fair, I’ve never read those books and only watched the movies for laughs. Where they provide inadvertent comedy, this one offers a very real one. And I liked it a lot. It might be the funniest smut or the smuttiest fun you can have with a book. It reads quickly and entertains plenty. Recommended.

[Kal burke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly dude? I think I I spent more time focusing on the funny and relatable highlight reels here quote-wise… but what I haven’t said often enough is that… Strand can SKILLFULLY set an effectively fiery erotic scene. Did someone light my pants on fire? I need a cold shower. 😆 I must add, I’m not much for romance, but dude… I think that’s only when it’s unimaginative. GO OFF JEFF. 😂 NOBODY was more equipped to write this and make it NEARLY as simultaneously voyeuristic, hilarious, relatable, and exciting. Maybe he should be writing all these harlequins and summer beach reads that I absolutely cannot even bring myself to read the plot for (ok full disclosure, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a LITTLE curious about how JA Konrath’s smut stuff reads… I’m only HUMAN…)

Weirder still…. Is that it turns you on MORE knowing he’s supposed to be having horrible Sex with this lady and that isn’t even possible…

Side note: I like to write notes on many of my highlighted segments in a way that, if the author of said book read through them by very unlikely chance, it would read like an amusing conversation between the two of us… I think I do this because if I saw my newest super fan on good reads…. That’s how I’d want to interact, and see them interact, with my works. Lol I’m not sure I think that trend started when I got on a Strand kick… maybe I just want to hang out with him. Maybe I should start writing extreme horror as an excuse to go talk to him. Hah!

The other third of the book had me laughing my fucking ass off. Typical.

[Mylene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just thought I should earn another hug ;)

I loved this novel. If you have ever read “Wolf Hunt” then you will adore this short story. The relationship between all the characters is very reminiscent of the dialogue between Lou and George. You will be howling. The characters are ridiculous and so is the set-up for the story but, boy, is it fun. It absolutely contains Strand’s amazing comedic timing and sarcastic and ironic dialogue. Enjoy :)

[Corrina Morse · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was great fun, cant wait to read more.

[Jeri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely a funny read!!!

[Lorraine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bang Up was an non-stop read AND FILTHY...LOL!!

Can't never miss, with a Jeff Strand book!
I think, I might have a case of whiplash in my neck, from shaking and laughing!
Ralph thinks his wife, Julie is cheating on him. His reaction is to hire a guy, to have "bad" sex with her to make him look 'good' in bed.
Kirk has a "friend with benefits" with Myra, a set time and day kinda thing. But, when he is approached by Ralph, he's in need of money, to catch up on his bill payments.
The deed is done, but now Ralph wants Kirk killed. He hired a total idiot, by the name of Skip.
It all goes south from there... I laughed so much at basically most of the conversations in this book!!
If your not against reading porn....lol...this book is for you!!
Me?? I'm off to re-read Draculas!!!

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

High entertainment storytelling. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole story and the characters and the way everything just spiralled ridiculously out of hand. A filthy, comedic thriller is an apt description of this short story. It most definitely was filthy, I laughed a lot, and it was quite thrilling watching everything play out (even if it wasn't in the implied definition of the word 'thriller'). Unfortunately the ending was underwhelming. At least for me, personally. I wanted an over-the-top bloodbath. But I'll stop myself there before I get too spoilery.

[Donna Fitzpatrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is nothing else like any of the Jeff Strand I've read before. But the trademark sarcastic dialogue, outrageous situations, and well-written characters I've come to expect are still there. As someone else mentioned, I kept waiting for buckets of blood to be spilled.....no spoilers, so I'll say no more. This book is exactly as advertised "a filthy comedy". It is definitely NC-17. It is definitely funny. You will definitely not be able to put it down!

[Nora Peevy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story makes me laugh out loud at the absurdity of the situation. The fast, witty banter keeps the action moving forward. While this premise sounds completely unbelievable, Strand deftly drops the reader into a world where these rules work. Yeah, it's filthy too! A fun read.

[Daydreamer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first time with Jeff Strand, and he blew my mind- He is brilliant! Comedy is tough to do, but a thriller comedy? And he killed it.
The book is smart, absurd, and hilarious in a unique way. Ridiculous characters, sarcastic wit dialogues, and fucked up situations: a total winner!

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm sure it was in Strand's non-fiction book that I read this was one of his favoutite books to write. I hadn't fancied it but gave it a try. Wasn't one of my faves. I love Strands work but this has been the one I enjoyed the least of the 20+ books I've read of his.

[Richard Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

175 pages of absolute filth. Jeff Strand should be ashamed of himself...

Loved it! 4 stars

[Elizabeth Berg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it!!

I absolutely loved this book!!! First of all it's raunchy so if you don't like sex don't read it.
I am a voracious reader and every sex scene I have ever read was written by a female writer. At the risk of being rude. The sex scenes written by these women were filled with gushy love stuff and they used words like nub and erect, and penis, anyway off the point. This book has unadulterated sex written by a guy so it is very much to the point. More like wham bam thank you mam
The book is FUNNY, FUNNY FUNNY!!!! Love the characters love the book. Can't get enough I did not put the book down. I read it from front to back. What a great afternoon!

[Fairul · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is pretty embarrassing to put this here in Goodreads, but whatever, I am an grown ass man (childlike as my wife always said, but an adult nevertheless). The story is ridiculous, Strand-kind of silliness as usual. The main storyline stem from idiots playing stupid games, win stupid prize. Bonus point on the graphic smut, but when you read this, you will undoubtedly think to yourself "why the heck I read this?" and feel silly indeed. the dialog are likewise silly, (no sane people will talk like that), made me burst laughing at several points of the book.

[Robin Corbin · Rating 5 out of 5]

SO FUNNY!

I absolutely LOVED this book! Strand's writing style has always included his unique sense of humor (in small doses), which a few times I thought may have been too distracting to the story being to!d. Not this time!!

Quirky humor, laugh out loud dialogue, funny characters, and general silliness...all there, front and center! And that's the point! Awesome showcase of Jeff Strand's talent!

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I mean, the tagline is perfect. Bang Up is hysterical, and it's downright filthy, and it's a thriller. Often all three at the same time!

It being an erotica book means it probably isn't for everyone, but if you're into absolutely hilarious novels, I highly recommend this one. I can't believe I haven't read any Jeff Strand up until now, but I'm definitely going to check out some of his other books now.

[angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written, Funny...just not to my personal taste.

There is a lot of detailed sex in this book. The premise is pretty darn funny. I thought that the motive behind the initial indecent proposition would be more sinister but it wasn’t. It was a funny and goofy read....with lots of sex. More focus on the sex than the actual plot. Still well written.

[Lola Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

An Absolute Laugh Riot!

Jeff Strand always sprinkles his wry brand of humor into everything he does. Even his most seriously gut-wrenching works contain a laugh or two. But, this novel is, without a doubt, the funniest thing I've read in a long time.

Seriously, if you're not reading Jeff Strand, you should be!

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being my first Jess Strand book I didn’t know what to expect. It was definitely an experience. A hilariously funny, laugh out loud smutty experience. I love his humor and will be reading more of his books in the near future. If you decide to read this particular book, be sure to put it under lock and key if you have children under your roof! 😉 A+