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The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love
Discover the secrets behind deeper relational bonds and more consistent happiness
Healthy relationships regularly produce joy, and joy keeps the relationship healthy. But this kind of happiness and health in marriage isn’t just for the lucky few who stumble upon it. It turns out, certain relational skills boost your happiness. Marcus Warner and Chris Coursney will teach you how to develop those skills and how to:
return to joy more quickly after disconnection
create stronger bonds and elongate times of happiness
boost your enjoyment of physical and emotional intimacy
As they’ve studied couples they’ve discovered there are 4 habits that all joy-filled marriages have in common:
Appreciate
Validate
Play
Rest
After each chapter, you’re given 5 minute exercises, which done 3 times a day are proven to increase happiness in marriage. PLUS! There’s tons more exercises in the back of the book! Get started today, and make your love the best it can be.
Healthy relationships regularly produce joy, and joy keeps the relationship healthy. But this kind of happiness and health in marriage isn’t just for the lucky few who stumble upon it. It turns out, certain relational skills boost your happiness. Marcus Warner and Chris Coursney will teach you how to develop those skills and how to:
return to joy more quickly after disconnection
create stronger bonds and elongate times of happiness
boost your enjoyment of physical and emotional intimacy
As they’ve studied couples they’ve discovered there are 4 habits that all joy-filled marriages have in common:
Appreciate
Validate
Play
Rest
After each chapter, you’re given 5 minute exercises, which done 3 times a day are proven to increase happiness in marriage. PLUS! There’s tons more exercises in the back of the book! Get started today, and make your love the best it can be.
160 pages, Paperback
Published April 2, 2019
236 people are currently reading
932 people want to read
About the author
Marcus Warner
22 books23 followersMARCUS WARNER (M.Div., Th.M. and D.Min. Trinity Evangelical Divinity School) is the president of Deeper Walk International. He is a former pastor and college professor who has written several books on topics ranging from how to study the Bible to spiritual warfare, emotional healing, and leadership. Marcus has done training events for organizations such as Navigators, Willow Creek Prison Ministry, and Moody Church. He has traveled the world with Deeper Walk equipping people on the front lines of ministry with practical tools for dealing with root issues that keep people and ministries stuck and unable to go deeper into what God has for them
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 86 reviews
January 27, 2019
3.5 stars.
I'm a firm believer that it's easier to work on your marriage when it's working than when it's in trouble. It's easier to do things to strengthen a solid base than to patch up one that's teetering. I make a point to read these kinds of books when I am feeling like we are in a good place and feeling a lot of love towards my spouse. This way it doesn't feel like the exercises explained in this book are coming from a place of despair but a place of love and connection.
When I saw the title of this book, it sounded like the exact thing that might be a wonderful addition to my life. I definitely have 15 minutes a day and I love the idea of a joy-filled marriage.
This is a really quick read. I finished it in one sitting. But, of course, most of the value of this book is not in the reading of it but in doing the exercises suggested in the book. Much of the science in the book wasn't new to me and was explained in a way that felt too simplistic (though I can totally understand why the authors would choose that path, this is not a science book.) But I really liked a lot of the suggestions in the book and the perspective they added.
I don't know that I agree with all of that (I think it's possible to experience joy when you're alone, too.) but the idea that joy isn't the choice but the outcome resonated with me and I've been noodling on it since.
I really liked this idea. While it's terribly hard to do this in the moment of a major disagreement, this idea is a great one to keep reinforcing and baking into the fabric of our marriage.
I also really liked their clear definitions around the negative emotions you feel so that you can recognize your own emotions. Naming the difference between sad, anxious, despair, shame, anger and disgust can be subtle and difficult at times and it's not possible to address your (or others') feelings unless you can connect with them and tell the difference.
This, too, was a poignant sentence for me. Often times, even in a gratitude practice i do alone, it can be easy to list things from the day which isn't always impactful. Whereas, if i sit down and close my eyes and really conjure the feeling of that moment I am listing, I can feel the contentment and joy. Appreciation is about feeling the joy, and sharing the joy.
Many of the exercises in this book are about being together, holding hands, sharing stories about your day, your past, your marriage. The exercises are simple on paper. They encourage connection both physically and emotionally (and psychologically.) and I can totally see how it completely strengthens (and adds joy) to your marriage when you do them regularly.
I will mention that this book has Christian-based religious references which wasn't clear from the blurbs. It's not the core of the book but there are many examples. Had I looked up previous books of the authors, I probably would have been able to guess that. I focused on the examples that resonated with me and the concepts they were highlighting.
Overall, this book is a great way to strengthen your already strong marriage. It's also a wonderful way to start a new marriage.
thanks to netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
I'm a firm believer that it's easier to work on your marriage when it's working than when it's in trouble. It's easier to do things to strengthen a solid base than to patch up one that's teetering. I make a point to read these kinds of books when I am feeling like we are in a good place and feeling a lot of love towards my spouse. This way it doesn't feel like the exercises explained in this book are coming from a place of despair but a place of love and connection.
When I saw the title of this book, it sounded like the exact thing that might be a wonderful addition to my life. I definitely have 15 minutes a day and I love the idea of a joy-filled marriage.
This is a really quick read. I finished it in one sitting. But, of course, most of the value of this book is not in the reading of it but in doing the exercises suggested in the book. Much of the science in the book wasn't new to me and was explained in a way that felt too simplistic (though I can totally understand why the authors would choose that path, this is not a science book.) But I really liked a lot of the suggestions in the book and the perspective they added.
Joy isn't simply a choice you make. Trying to choose joy can feel like trying to fall asleep when you have insomnia. Joy is a feeling you get when you're happy to be with someone who's happy to be with you.
I don't know that I agree with all of that (I think it's possible to experience joy when you're alone, too.) but the idea that joy isn't the choice but the outcome resonated with me and I've been noodling on it since.
Brenda was modeling for me what it looked like to keep the relationship bigger than the problem. Since then, we have tried to make that our "go-to phrase" when we get upset. It is not uncommon for one of us to say, "Let's keep the relationship bigger than the problem."
I really liked this idea. While it's terribly hard to do this in the moment of a major disagreement, this idea is a great one to keep reinforcing and baking into the fabric of our marriage.
I also really liked their clear definitions around the negative emotions you feel so that you can recognize your own emotions. Naming the difference between sad, anxious, despair, shame, anger and disgust can be subtle and difficult at times and it's not possible to address your (or others') feelings unless you can connect with them and tell the difference.
I have learned that there is a big difference between saying "thank you" and feeling appreciation.
This, too, was a poignant sentence for me. Often times, even in a gratitude practice i do alone, it can be easy to list things from the day which isn't always impactful. Whereas, if i sit down and close my eyes and really conjure the feeling of that moment I am listing, I can feel the contentment and joy. Appreciation is about feeling the joy, and sharing the joy.
Many of the exercises in this book are about being together, holding hands, sharing stories about your day, your past, your marriage. The exercises are simple on paper. They encourage connection both physically and emotionally (and psychologically.) and I can totally see how it completely strengthens (and adds joy) to your marriage when you do them regularly.
I will mention that this book has Christian-based religious references which wasn't clear from the blurbs. It's not the core of the book but there are many examples. Had I looked up previous books of the authors, I probably would have been able to guess that. I focused on the examples that resonated with me and the concepts they were highlighting.
Overall, this book is a great way to strengthen your already strong marriage. It's also a wonderful way to start a new marriage.
thanks to netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
October 8, 2019
Some useful content but I found it hard not to get annoyed by how “traditional” the language and examples were. Eg - it only spoke of opposite sex couples and it referenced God in a handful of places. It did give a caveat after any God references but these felt almost like additions from their editors after the fact to make sure the book didn’t alienate non religious readers.
July 23, 2019
There are some really great ideas in here. I can’t really bring myself to do some of the exercises, they seem a little odd. But keeping in mind the habits would surely help improve marriage.
March 12, 2024
It was an easy read. Good for those who have lost their joy in marriage.
June 8, 2019
I am a chronic improver. I read marriage help books, parenting help books, you name it. I have read all kinds of books on marriage and how to improve your relationship with your spouse.
This book was a breath of fresh air. I was hooked from the first habit: Play Together. I have found this to be so important in my marriage, and I enjoyed reading about it. The four habits are as follows:
1. Play together
2. Listen for Emotion
3. Appreciate Daily
4. Nurture a Rhythm
Each habit is broken down and we are given an amusing story to relate to the habit. I also appreciated the appendices at the end of the book which provide further exercises to practice in your marriage.
*Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for providing me with a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This book was a breath of fresh air. I was hooked from the first habit: Play Together. I have found this to be so important in my marriage, and I enjoyed reading about it. The four habits are as follows:
1. Play together
2. Listen for Emotion
3. Appreciate Daily
4. Nurture a Rhythm
Each habit is broken down and we are given an amusing story to relate to the habit. I also appreciated the appendices at the end of the book which provide further exercises to practice in your marriage.
*Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for providing me with a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
April 18, 2019
THE 4 HABITS OF JOY-FILLED MARRIAGES is a very practical guide filled with amazing examples/habits to help married couples to find joy in marriage.
I learned a lot from this book and it was somehow a deep self-discover as I was diving into it. With easy and light writing, I finished it in one sitting and found it utterly helpful. Furthermore, it is perfect to also read together with your partner and practice the creative/daily exercises suggested by the authors.
I highly recommend this book for any couple who seek more joy in their relationship.
[I received a complimentary copy from the Publisher. All opinions are my own]
I learned a lot from this book and it was somehow a deep self-discover as I was diving into it. With easy and light writing, I finished it in one sitting and found it utterly helpful. Furthermore, it is perfect to also read together with your partner and practice the creative/daily exercises suggested by the authors.
I highly recommend this book for any couple who seek more joy in their relationship.
[I received a complimentary copy from the Publisher. All opinions are my own]
October 17, 2021
Another therapist recommended this to me for my work with couples. The basic premises of this book do check out with neuro and behavioral science - but I also feel it’s over simplistic almost to the point of insult. Most couples who find themselves in my office are on the brink of permanent separation and in no mood to “fill the joy gap” or “build margin” by cuddling and looking into each other’s eyes. (I also take offense at the unnecessary made up terms like “building margin” - words like “rest” and “quality time” are less mysterious and more straightforward. Said another way, more relatable to most people.) Additionally, I wouldn’t recommend this book to clients unless they were explicitly Christian and both members of the couple were 100% in the same on wavelength regarding it. All that said - there are some useful exercises in here, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with the book. But I can’t see myself reaching for it in my work with couples.
September 4, 2022
This book was a refreshing take on marriage advice in the Christian context because it wasn’t aggressively preachy and it didn’t try to bring in a bunch of out-of-context Bible verses for validity.
So yes, if you picked up this book and aren’t a Christian, you may be shocked by the “hetero” emphasis on relationships (just in the fact that the book says he/she/husband/wife). But even with the Christian undertones, I hope it’s approachable enough for anyone to pick up, because I think the advice is sound.
This book had a great balance of a sprinkling of Christian values or adding context, without trying to cut and paste awkward Bible verses. I appreciated the balance of scientific support, and made me feel much more willing to recommend this to my non-Christian, married friends. Everything is relatable, no matter what walk of life, gender, sexual orientation, age the reader is. There’s a good mapping of human experiences paired with the simple and approachable explanation of what’s happening in the brain during those experiences. The exercises then help guide someone to process what a response to those experiences and emotions could be, and help create intentional spaces to be intimate with your spouse.
Also a great length for a book like this. Not super repetitive, like many of these books can get.
So yes, if you picked up this book and aren’t a Christian, you may be shocked by the “hetero” emphasis on relationships (just in the fact that the book says he/she/husband/wife). But even with the Christian undertones, I hope it’s approachable enough for anyone to pick up, because I think the advice is sound.
This book had a great balance of a sprinkling of Christian values or adding context, without trying to cut and paste awkward Bible verses. I appreciated the balance of scientific support, and made me feel much more willing to recommend this to my non-Christian, married friends. Everything is relatable, no matter what walk of life, gender, sexual orientation, age the reader is. There’s a good mapping of human experiences paired with the simple and approachable explanation of what’s happening in the brain during those experiences. The exercises then help guide someone to process what a response to those experiences and emotions could be, and help create intentional spaces to be intimate with your spouse.
Also a great length for a book like this. Not super repetitive, like many of these books can get.
September 12, 2025
A short book that has a lot of practical exercises to help strengthen your connection with your spouse. It didn't reveal anything groundbreaking but it did reiterate principles from other great marriage books.
April 23, 2024
Short and very sweet. The exercises are dopey, but the info is solid.
February 2, 2021
Oh goodness, what a waste of a few hours precious hours of my life. Some article I had come across long ago had recommended this book; I have no idea why. It is such shabby writing that I suspect it only keeps selling because it feels like a quick-fix read. As in, 'hey, I have 15 minutes! I can find a way to stay in love!'
Which is all well and good, but the content was just so damn ridiculous.
Perhaps the biggest problem is that the two authors constantly use the word 'joy' without ever defining it, and it is this term that seems to mean many things to them, none of which really seems to be actual joy. It seems like they really wanted to say 'happiness' and 'we never fight' and 'how to be a couple that only has good days' and 'we bought into the happiness-gospel that says that having a range of emotions and a full life that includes struggles and doubts and fear is bad' and 'just smile and push down all real emotions' and and and. I am not exaggerating: they honestly give advice like 'go out for dinner and be sure to laugh a lot.' Laughing on command? Check. Thanks for that.
It was also incredibly heteronormative and limiting (wives need..., husbands need... nonsense), and there were super cringe worthy exercises included, none of which seemed like something a sane person would want to do. They also threw in a meditation sequence for good measure, but instead called it a 'body quieting exercise,' because apparently denying which tradition you are drawing on is legit.
Can you tell this book was a waste of time? Good. Skip. There are a lot of great books to read on strenghtening relationships, but this is not one of them.
Which is all well and good, but the content was just so damn ridiculous.
Perhaps the biggest problem is that the two authors constantly use the word 'joy' without ever defining it, and it is this term that seems to mean many things to them, none of which really seems to be actual joy. It seems like they really wanted to say 'happiness' and 'we never fight' and 'how to be a couple that only has good days' and 'we bought into the happiness-gospel that says that having a range of emotions and a full life that includes struggles and doubts and fear is bad' and 'just smile and push down all real emotions' and and and. I am not exaggerating: they honestly give advice like 'go out for dinner and be sure to laugh a lot.' Laughing on command? Check. Thanks for that.
It was also incredibly heteronormative and limiting (wives need..., husbands need... nonsense), and there were super cringe worthy exercises included, none of which seemed like something a sane person would want to do. They also threw in a meditation sequence for good measure, but instead called it a 'body quieting exercise,' because apparently denying which tradition you are drawing on is legit.
Can you tell this book was a waste of time? Good. Skip. There are a lot of great books to read on strenghtening relationships, but this is not one of them.
May 9, 2019
If someone told you that you could improve the quality of your marriage, no matter what condition your relationship is currently in, by spending 15 minutes a day cultivating joy, would you be willing to invest your time?
As unbelievable as that promise sounds, that’s the premise of The 4 Habits Of Joy-Filled Marriages by Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey – a tiny book that is well worth the read!
Marcus and Chris have created a series of short, daily exercises that you and your spouse can complete over the course of 60 to 90 days to improve the amount of joy you experience in life and in your relationship.
If you are in a good relationship, The 4 Habits Of Joy-Filled Marriages will help you to love and appreciate your partner even more as you continue to cultivate the positive things in your relationship that already bring you joy.
If you are in a strained relationship, The 4 Habits Of Joy-Filled Marriages will help you to renew your relationship with one another, one small step at a time, so that you can remember the reasons why you fell in love with your partner in the first place.
This is an easy-to-read and practical to follow resource that I encourage you to add to your personal library!
This excerpt is taken from the original review that is published on my blog. To read my review in its entirety, please visit Create With Joy.
As unbelievable as that promise sounds, that’s the premise of The 4 Habits Of Joy-Filled Marriages by Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey – a tiny book that is well worth the read!
Marcus and Chris have created a series of short, daily exercises that you and your spouse can complete over the course of 60 to 90 days to improve the amount of joy you experience in life and in your relationship.
If you are in a good relationship, The 4 Habits Of Joy-Filled Marriages will help you to love and appreciate your partner even more as you continue to cultivate the positive things in your relationship that already bring you joy.
If you are in a strained relationship, The 4 Habits Of Joy-Filled Marriages will help you to renew your relationship with one another, one small step at a time, so that you can remember the reasons why you fell in love with your partner in the first place.
This is an easy-to-read and practical to follow resource that I encourage you to add to your personal library!
This excerpt is taken from the original review that is published on my blog. To read my review in its entirety, please visit Create With Joy.
February 22, 2024
This book's writing style really irked me. The constant use of other couples testimonials as a way of confirming that the book's methods truly work felt like the work of snake oil salesmen. Some of the anecdotes the authors use regarding their own marriages and that of their friends also really sent up some red flags as to what these people are truly like. And if I have to hear the term "brain science" one more time, so help me... Just use neuroscience or something; it sounds way more professional. "Brian science" feels like something you're explaining to a toddler.
And this being a pseudo-Christian text means that any non-traditional couples are not included; everything feels very husband & wife focused.
Also, tips like "spend your mornings on your back deck sipping coffee with your wife while you read the NYT and watch the sun rise over the nearby mountains" really tells you who these tips are intended for. Heaven forbid you and your spouse have to work different shifts and do overtime to make ends meet while the other watches the kids in your rent-controlled apartment. It feels like a book intended for a white-collar dad with a cushy job and a homemaker wife. If that's your situation, maybe this book will work for you. Some of the tips in here feel self-evident to me so there's probably some truth to this book. However, its stylings and tone I found extremely off-putting.
And this being a pseudo-Christian text means that any non-traditional couples are not included; everything feels very husband & wife focused.
Also, tips like "spend your mornings on your back deck sipping coffee with your wife while you read the NYT and watch the sun rise over the nearby mountains" really tells you who these tips are intended for. Heaven forbid you and your spouse have to work different shifts and do overtime to make ends meet while the other watches the kids in your rent-controlled apartment. It feels like a book intended for a white-collar dad with a cushy job and a homemaker wife. If that's your situation, maybe this book will work for you. Some of the tips in here feel self-evident to me so there's probably some truth to this book. However, its stylings and tone I found extremely off-putting.
January 18, 2025
Loved a lot in this book. Not a comprehensive guide to marriage, but a simple and short guide to growing joy in a generally happy marriage.
Favorite takeaways:
1) Narrative - The authors talk about how we find words and then make narratives to explain what we are experiencing. We start to pull together a story from our perspective. “Narratives are powerful. What you believe about your wife or husband will have a profound effect on how you treat and feel about him or her.”
2) The On/Off Relational Switch - Right brain focuses on relational function. When it’s on, “you remain relational, act like yourself, return to joy from upset emotions, and endure hardships well.” The left focuses on problem solving and information. The authors mention having curiosity, eye contact, appreciation, and kindness as ways to make sure your engaging relationally, not just factually.
3) Gratitude vs Appreciation - There’s a difference between saying thank you and feeling appreciation. I love how they encouraged appreciation as a habit that needs practice. “The brain that is trained on appreciation will scan the environment for good things while the untrained brain becomes critical and all too quick to find fault in other people.”
The “joy exercises” are a little funny and could be awkward at first, but I love how they made it very practical, not just informational.
Favorite takeaways:
1) Narrative - The authors talk about how we find words and then make narratives to explain what we are experiencing. We start to pull together a story from our perspective. “Narratives are powerful. What you believe about your wife or husband will have a profound effect on how you treat and feel about him or her.”
2) The On/Off Relational Switch - Right brain focuses on relational function. When it’s on, “you remain relational, act like yourself, return to joy from upset emotions, and endure hardships well.” The left focuses on problem solving and information. The authors mention having curiosity, eye contact, appreciation, and kindness as ways to make sure your engaging relationally, not just factually.
3) Gratitude vs Appreciation - There’s a difference between saying thank you and feeling appreciation. I love how they encouraged appreciation as a habit that needs practice. “The brain that is trained on appreciation will scan the environment for good things while the untrained brain becomes critical and all too quick to find fault in other people.”
The “joy exercises” are a little funny and could be awkward at first, but I love how they made it very practical, not just informational.
December 12, 2021
The premise of this is great. I really like the concept of each of the four habits, which are:
- play together
- listen for emotion (eg validate and empathise)
- appreciate each other
- nurture a rhythm (of being with each other and resting)
None of it was particularly new. But I assumed there would be details and case studies and examples and troubleshooting about HOW to create the elusive rhythm of connection for example. What it looks like for different couples and what to do about barriers eg shift work or different body clocks meaning you aren’t consistently connecting. There was none of this. It’s a VERY short book and each chapter basically skimmed the concept and provided a few exercises, none of which had anything to do with the four rules (they were mainly variations on “look into each other’s eyes, talk about X, snuggle”.
The book is very short, I read it in about an hour or something and really is more like a booklet. The last 41% of the kindle version is references and A LOT adverts for their other books so it’s shorter than you think.
I’m really disappointed because I think the concepts are great and I was looking for detailed guidance on digging into them - which we don’t get in the book.
- play together
- listen for emotion (eg validate and empathise)
- appreciate each other
- nurture a rhythm (of being with each other and resting)
None of it was particularly new. But I assumed there would be details and case studies and examples and troubleshooting about HOW to create the elusive rhythm of connection for example. What it looks like for different couples and what to do about barriers eg shift work or different body clocks meaning you aren’t consistently connecting. There was none of this. It’s a VERY short book and each chapter basically skimmed the concept and provided a few exercises, none of which had anything to do with the four rules (they were mainly variations on “look into each other’s eyes, talk about X, snuggle”.
The book is very short, I read it in about an hour or something and really is more like a booklet. The last 41% of the kindle version is references and A LOT adverts for their other books so it’s shorter than you think.
I’m really disappointed because I think the concepts are great and I was looking for detailed guidance on digging into them - which we don’t get in the book.
April 16, 2019
I love the brain science included in this compact book. I’m fascinated with what makes people tick and why.
The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages is filled with wonderful examples, plans, and exercises that help us reach our relationship potential. This book (easily read in an hour or two) presents straight-forward, easy to follow practices that reveal “why” and “how” we act and react the way we do.
Not only have I learned more about my spouse, and our life together, but I’ve learned so much about myself. These practical habits and exercises not only have the potential to strengthen the joy in our romantic relationships, but in our relationships with family and friends, as well.
Author: Marcus Warner & Chris M. Coursey
Publisher: Northfield Publishing
Pages: 160
First Line (Introduction): One of the most startling revelations to come out of the latest breakthroughs in brain science is the discovery that there is no more powerful motivator in life than joy.
Source: I received a complimentary copy from the MPNews blogger program and was under no obligation to post a positive review.
The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages is filled with wonderful examples, plans, and exercises that help us reach our relationship potential. This book (easily read in an hour or two) presents straight-forward, easy to follow practices that reveal “why” and “how” we act and react the way we do.
Not only have I learned more about my spouse, and our life together, but I’ve learned so much about myself. These practical habits and exercises not only have the potential to strengthen the joy in our romantic relationships, but in our relationships with family and friends, as well.
Author: Marcus Warner & Chris M. Coursey
Publisher: Northfield Publishing
Pages: 160
First Line (Introduction): One of the most startling revelations to come out of the latest breakthroughs in brain science is the discovery that there is no more powerful motivator in life than joy.
Source: I received a complimentary copy from the MPNews blogger program and was under no obligation to post a positive review.
May 8, 2019
This book, The 4 Habits of a Joy-filled Marriage, is a must read! While I thought the greatest impediment to a happier marriage was lack of communication, I learned that this is not necessarily true. This book shows that the greatest indicator of marital problems is an increasing joy gap. And the more joy you build into your marriage, the more you will increase that feeling of being “in love”, thus shrinking that joy gap and strengthening your marriage. The authors have challenged my beliefs on the famous quote, “Love is a Choice,” stating that it is actually more accurate to say, “Love is an attachment.” The book gives such practical activities in which we can increase our attachment to one another through shared experiences, thus increasing the joy we experience. You will learn how the latest research in brain science and joy can be applied directly to your marriage. The authors cleverly walk us through simple, 15 minute activities designed to create healthy habits which help us shrink our joy gap, thus enhancing our marriages greatly. And all of this is done in a light-hearted, easy to read format. You will not be disappointed!
May 25, 2019
From this book you can learn to form habits that are good for marriage.
There are two key points that are essential to the whole book: joy is relational and it benefits the brain. The authors write, “Even when it seems like you are alone and feeling joy, there is usually a relational component to the emotion.” The authors present four actions to make into habits that will evoke joy in the marriage relationship:
Play together
Listen for emotion
Appreciate daily
Nurture rhythm
With the benefits of these actions they include exercises for couples to take action.
The book is somewhat unique in presenting the benefits to the brain of these actions. For instance, they point out our capacity for joy can grow, so that we may experience more joy than we have in the past; a person’s brain is not hard wired to prevent joy. Another example from the book: “The more often you practice something, the more quickly your brain learns to see that activity as normal.”
There are two key points that are essential to the whole book: joy is relational and it benefits the brain. The authors write, “Even when it seems like you are alone and feeling joy, there is usually a relational component to the emotion.” The authors present four actions to make into habits that will evoke joy in the marriage relationship:
Play together
Listen for emotion
Appreciate daily
Nurture rhythm
With the benefits of these actions they include exercises for couples to take action.
The book is somewhat unique in presenting the benefits to the brain of these actions. For instance, they point out our capacity for joy can grow, so that we may experience more joy than we have in the past; a person’s brain is not hard wired to prevent joy. Another example from the book: “The more often you practice something, the more quickly your brain learns to see that activity as normal.”
April 29, 2019
This book brought a whole new aspect of marriage to light and life. While most do not consider what our brain does to our life flows, the authors help us discover that our brain can actually make life better. As stated, "For example, going without coffee, sugar, or alcohol for thirty days usually breaks your brain's craving for it. If your new habit extends to sixty-ninety days, new pathways in your brain become fully formed and habits are established. Most counselors will walk you through your feelings, emotions and thoughts. This can only go so far. But the brain can change things for life. The exercises they give you to accomplish this are achievable and proven to work. I recommend this book to everyone. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this launch group.
January 22, 2020
I enjoyed the book and found it helpful! Very concise and practical, which means it’s easy and quick to both read and apply. I do believe that being reminded of and following through with the book’s principles would make a real and lasting impact towards a better and more joy-filled marriage. I think I will buy this book for many couples over the years!
4 stars because the 15-minute activities they give you are insanely cheesy. They might be effective, but most people will never know, due to how weird and uncomfortable they will feel and how unlikely most people will be to actually try them. I was looking forward to this practical resource, but there’s simply no way my husband would ever be on board for these goofy activities!
4 stars because the 15-minute activities they give you are insanely cheesy. They might be effective, but most people will never know, due to how weird and uncomfortable they will feel and how unlikely most people will be to actually try them. I was looking forward to this practical resource, but there’s simply no way my husband would ever be on board for these goofy activities!
March 2, 2019
*I received this ebook via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.*
3.5 stars
My favorite thing about this book is that it's not written in an overly scientific or wordy way like many other books of the same genre can be. I didn't have to reread paragraphs multiple times in order to break them down and try to understand them. It was very easy to understand, and was a very quick read.
The exercises outlined to help strengthen joy in your marriage are both easily tried at home and very short. You don't have to block out time in your life to implement them.
My husband and I have tried the only a few so far, but we really enjoyed doing them and will continue to try others!
3.5 stars
My favorite thing about this book is that it's not written in an overly scientific or wordy way like many other books of the same genre can be. I didn't have to reread paragraphs multiple times in order to break them down and try to understand them. It was very easy to understand, and was a very quick read.
The exercises outlined to help strengthen joy in your marriage are both easily tried at home and very short. You don't have to block out time in your life to implement them.
My husband and I have tried the only a few so far, but we really enjoyed doing them and will continue to try others!
April 20, 2019
The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages provides interesting ideas about the pursuit of joy in marriage. The chapters are concise and manageable with practical examples and exercises for couples to increase joy on a daily basis. I appreciate the thought provoking questions included. Also, while not in-depth, I felt that the book provided ideas of things that have the potential to steal joy, which would point a person in the right direction to dig further. I think that their principle that your relationship is bigger than anything else is a great idea. Overall, I liked this book and the ideas presented. I was given a copy of this book by the publisher. All opinions are mine.
May 1, 2019
This book is interesting to say the least. It focuses on improving your marriage by improving how you interact with each other. The author lists four habits, he believes is the key to marital happiness. Play, Listening, appreciation, and routine are the habits the author believes we should build in our marriages. And they make perfect sense because these are generally the things we did while dating that led to us being amorous and led to marriage. So if this is what it took for us to get to marriage, it will likely be what keeps us in marriage, happily.
I definitely recommend and think couples should read this book as part of their premarital counseling or a premarital class.
I definitely recommend and think couples should read this book as part of their premarital counseling or a premarital class.
January 31, 2019
This title is extremely helpful for couples who may be struggling with finding ways to improve their marriage, it is full of tips and exercises to encourage happy marriage and bonding. It explains what can create discontent and how to counteract that, what joy gaps are (the gap between joyful moments) and how to make them shorter. I honestly think this book is great for married couples looking to bond and be happier together.
I voluntarily read and received a free ARC copy of this title through NetGalley in exchange for a review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
I voluntarily read and received a free ARC copy of this title through NetGalley in exchange for a review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
November 5, 2019
And how can I have more joy in our marriage? It takes a little work but it’s really not that hard. Make a plan, just a few minutes a day for 30 days can change your whole outlook on life.
Chris and Marcus say we can decrease our joy gap in 30 days. Our joy gap is the amount of time between feelings of joy. The way to do this is through your own intentionality. They say if you follow the instructions in their new book, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages and do the prescribed exercises…
I was happy to see that my husband and I have been doing these things. Thus a happy 30-year marriage.
Chris and Marcus say we can decrease our joy gap in 30 days. Our joy gap is the amount of time between feelings of joy. The way to do this is through your own intentionality. They say if you follow the instructions in their new book, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages and do the prescribed exercises…
I was happy to see that my husband and I have been doing these things. Thus a happy 30-year marriage.
March 13, 2020
Many great ideas and exercises, however they do require the husband and wife to both set aside time and do them.
If it’s someone in a struggling marriage or with a disengaged spouse, it’s not really about cultivating joy in your own attitude/heart towards your marriage, but more on how you can do so together. That would be the only downside I see- that it’s all dependent on being able to set aside time to do the exercises together.
Otherwise I really enjoyed the content and informative/scientific portions too!
If it’s someone in a struggling marriage or with a disengaged spouse, it’s not really about cultivating joy in your own attitude/heart towards your marriage, but more on how you can do so together. That would be the only downside I see- that it’s all dependent on being able to set aside time to do the exercises together.
Otherwise I really enjoyed the content and informative/scientific portions too!
December 17, 2025
I've read a lot of books on marriage and also attended marriage conferences and classes. So this book was a good reminder for me. If you haven't read anything on marriage before, then it could be a really valuable book for you, especially because it's short and practical, so it's a great place to start.
It doesn't just give vague motivation, it spells out exactly what to do in "exercises" that literally take 15 minutes. I found the instructions to be a little cheesy at times (I wouldn't actually say it the way they do) but the core ideas are really good.
It doesn't just give vague motivation, it spells out exactly what to do in "exercises" that literally take 15 minutes. I found the instructions to be a little cheesy at times (I wouldn't actually say it the way they do) but the core ideas are really good.
i-have-it-to-read
December 4, 2020I got my copy and underlined a lot of things through the pages. If you actually do these simple practices I believe your marriage may benefit a lot. I recommend this book for counselors who need to have ideas of hometown for their patients. It is not the complexity that makes a marriage stronger, but the simple little things doing with consistency. I hope this helps a couple who is struggling to get closer.
July 22, 2022
Fairly short and good advice. They assume those reading it are struggling in their marriages and aren't just looking to make improvements. It speaks to the reader as if the author is providing therapy which I found annoying. I'm sure is helps some, but I have a great marriage and I was just looking for good ideas to make it even better. Just want to share so you know what to expect if you read it.
September 27, 2022
This book was a very concise overview of the 4 habits. But it still contained a lot of depth despite the size of the book. Marcus and Chris write with a sense of encouragement and making a joy-filled marriage feel as though it is attainable for any marriage at any stage. I also really appreciated all of the 15 min exercises that were given for each habit. Very practical application for the ideas presented.
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