Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between: The New and Necessary Conversations Today’s Teenagers Need to Have about Consent, Sexual Harassment, Healthy Relationships, Love, and More

by Shafia Zaloom, Michael Riera (Foreword)

The only book you need to start a conversation with your kids about sexual harassment, consent, #metoo, and more

Many American teens are steeped in a culture that sends unsettling messages about sex, through everything from politics to music to the normalization of porn. In today's environment, it's crucial that teens be able to ask hard questions about how to take care of themselves, make decisions that reflect their values, and stay safe. In Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between, veteran teen sex educator and mother of three Shafia Zaloom helps you discuss a wide variety of sex-related topics with your teens, including:

How to get and give consent
What it means to have "good" sex
How to help prevent sexual harassment and assault
How to stay safe in difficult situations
The legal consequences of sexual harassment and assault, and what to do if a teen experiences assault or is accused of it
Stories from survivors of sexual assault

Approachable, engaging, and with real-life scenarios and discussion questions in every chapter, Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between is a must-have resource that gives parents and educators the tools they need to have meaningful conversations with teens about what sex can and should be.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Sexuality, Health

352 pages, Paperback

First published September 3, 2019

About the author

Shafia Zaloom is a health educator, consultant and author whose work centers on human development, community building, ethics, and social justice. Her approach involves creating opportunities for students and teachers to discuss the complexities of teen culture and decision-making with straight-forward, open and honest dialogue. Shafia has worked with thousands of children and their families in her role as teacher, coach, administrator, board member, and outdoor educator. Shafia is currently the health teacher at the Urban School in San Francisco, and develops curricula and trainings for schools across the country. She was honored by the San Francisco Giants Foundation in 2018 for her work with Aim High, a program that expands opportunities for students from low-income neighborhoods and their teachers through tuition-free summer learning enrichment. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, USA Today, NPR, and PBS. She lives in California with her husband and three children.

Reviews

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had read something like it when I was coming of age.

It’s compassionate, informative, inclusive of all gender and sexual identities, and places so much focus on consent AND the responsibility of bystander intervention in social situations.

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of those books that everyone who interacts with young people should read — parents, teachers, etc. Teens themselves would benefit from reading this amazingly helpful resource. I’m looking forward to thinking about how I can incorporate Zaloom’s work in my Health class.

[Kendra Madding · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book for anyone who lives with or works with teens!

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Today's review is on Sex, Teens, and and Everything In Between by Shafia Zaloom. It is 313 pages long including and notes a bibliography and other resources. It is published by Source books. The cover is white with the title in red, orange and yellow. The intended reader is parents, educators, teens and anyone who deals with teenagers and sexuality. There is no foul language,there is discussion of sex and sexuality and discussions of violence in this book. There Be Spoilers Ahead.


From the back of the book- The Only book you need to start a conversation with your kids about sexual harassment, consent, #metoo, and more.
Many American teens are steeped in a culture that sends unsettling messages about sex, through everything from politics to music to the normalization of p***. In today's environment it's critical that teens be able to ask hard questions about how to take care of themselves, make decisions that reflect their values, and stay safe. Insects teens and everything in between, veteran teen sex educator and mother of three Shafia Zaloom helps you discuss a wife or I variety of sex related topic with your teams, including;
How to get and give consent
What it means to have “good" sex
How to help prevent sexual harassment and assault
How to stay safe in difficult situations
The legal consequences of sexual harassment and assault, and what to do if a teen experience is assault or is accused of it
Stories from survivors of sexual assault
Approachable, engaging, and was real life scenarios and discussion questions in each chapter, Sex,Tteens, and Eeverything in between is a must-have resource that gives parents and educators the tools they need to have meaningful conversations with teens about what sex can and should be.


Review- This is an interesting and engaging nonfiction book about a difficult topic to talk about but a very needed one. Zaloom has been working with teens for decades and pours all of her years of work and research into this book. The writing style is engaging, the stories from the teens are very clear, easy to understand what the teens are struggling with, and helps parents / educators to have these conversations with the teenagers in their lives. At times this book can be difficult to read, as there is discussion of rape, dating violence, and sexual assault but these are important discussions to have with teenagers so that if it happens to them they can understand what's happening. This may be a difficult book to read as it deals with hard topics but if you work with teenagers or if you just want to understand teen sexuality more then you should give this book a look.


I give this nonfiction book a Five out of Five stars. I get nothing for my review and I was given this book as a gift.

[Tangled in Text · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love everything that Shafia Zaloom represents in her daily work which she has given us a snippet of through this book. Sex and consent need to be open for discussion because we are all doing ourselves a disservice by keeping this conversation quiet. She shares many ways to bring up the topic with your kids and teenagers and how to steer and what to include in that dialogue.

Did you have a birds and the bees talk when you were growing up? Reading so many books recently about sexual assault with the main reason it wasn't reported being the fact the children did not know that is what they were experiencing or that it was wrong. I wish everyone would just power through that awkwardness!

Her chapter titles include: Yes Means Yes, Legal Consequences of Sexual Harassment and Assault, How to Teach Consent, Sexpectations, Good Sex, Bystander Intervention, How Can I Stay Safe, Strong Voices, then there are appendices filled with how to help your child if they have been assaulted or are accused and practice scenarios on how conversations might go with prompts and questions you can ask your kids to make sure they understand.

This book is priceless. My only negative comment is it is sometimes repetitive almost with instances of verbatim repetition, but maybe that is needed to get some of these points across. She has these conversations with youth for a living and uses those conversations and questions that arise as examples to prepare you and put you in their mind to know how they think through situations. She asks them questions and gets mixed responses of consent which is why she focuses on making sure it is a clear and what has driven her to write this book.

[Rebecca Kuder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had read this book before my child was heading off to college, but still I found it wonderful and helpful. It’s SO helpful.

I bet someone needs to read this today. From p. 238: (Written by a rape survivor named Tammy:) “You are a beautiful, talented young person and you have such a life in front of you. Always make the best of it. Let go of the pain. The best saying I have for that is this: holding onto resentments or pain is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. So let it go. Don’t give them any more control over your life. No more control over your head, heart, or soul. I know we don’t know each other, but I can see you. You are worth more. So please just let it go. Don’t carry that pain for as long as I did. Start your life now. I am sending my love and prayers from Barberton, Ohio. Your voice is heard. Now go be the beautiful soul I know you are. And let those scumbags sit in the chaos they made. Do not sit with them. Be free.”

[Joe Corkery · Rating 3 out of 5]

Do not listen to this book, read it instead. In fact have your kids read it on their own and then find an opportunity to discuss it with them. I don’t think the book is helpful for parents if the kids don’t also read it.
The book covers a lot of interesting and very important topics, but it’s written more directly for a teenager to read than a parent.

My biggest gripe with the book is the audio format. There are so many lists and exercises in each chapter that are very tedious to be read through. It is also quite repetitive from chapter to chapter. The phrase “you good?” was said so often that it became a bit of a joke. Overall, it was extremely painful listening to this in the car.

I definitely would recommend that parents give this to their teens to read but don’t make them listen to it. That will ruin it for them.

[Jenna Hoskinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very thorough book which addresses consent, ethics, legality, and more regarding teen relationships. Easy, quick read, and although the material is heavy, the book is conversational in tone and I read it all in about two or three sittings. The only reason I didn't give it 5 stars, and this is minor, is that she rarely mentions abstinence. I am navigating my way through what it means to raise teens with a healthy sexuality. I want to be equipped to talk them through all aspects of their sexuality, and if they choose abstinence for a time, I want to support that as much as I would a healthy exploration of their sexuality.

Excellent resource and I recommend it for parents of both teen and pre-teen kids.

[Lara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book! I cannot speak highly enough about this.

This book offers excellent examples, steeped in real life situations with good, critical questions. This book goes a long way to have meaningful conversations about consent.

I would recommend this for every single person interested in consent.

If there was a single low point it is that the author does rely on stories with alcohol a bit too much and the last chapter is heavily Christian. Otherwise, the author makes a point to include people of all gender and sexual identities, discusses people in a range of ages and emotional states and consider multiple sides for each scenario.


Excellent book.

[BookHobby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, if I could give this book a galaxy of stars I would. Anyone that works with teens in healthcare or has a teen should read this. I love that it gives real life examples and ideas for conversation starters. I have the worst time choosing words sometimes and this book helps break conversations down to small bites. There are so many references provided that I can’t wait to dive into. The topics include consent, safe texting, how to hopefully avoid cat fishing, ways to stay safe at parties.

[Shari Suarez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the book that every teenager, parent and caregiver needs to read. It's an approachable book dealing with sexual assault, consent, legal implications and harrassment. It is also the first book I've seen that isn't heteronormative. It includes a glossary and survival stories from victims as well as case studies. An incredible book.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to audiobook. Some good ideas of topics. The discussion points seem fairly optimistic for discussing with teens as a parent, I don't imagine they'd engage much, fairly academic. A lot of what I would see as worst case scenarios depicted, which is depressing.

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was good. It mostly focuses on sexual assault and consent. I appreciate that the author talks about how "yes means yes" is better than "no means no", and you should also be looking for affirmation that someone wants to continue with what is happening, vs needing to say no.

[Elly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very worthwhile. Looking forward to talking over these scenarios and topics with my kids.

[Aditi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this for work, interesting and insightful. I would recommend for anyone with children or working with youth.

[Angelica McMurtray · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend for parents who have kids that are tweens/teens

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great information, I will likely pick back up when my kids are older. Thankful it isn’t relevant

[Priti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Has a lot of useful information for tween, teens and caregivers. Lot of helpful questions, references and scenarios to follow up.

[Karthika · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very good book. Could have discussed more about the individual development of a teen's personality in relation to their sex/romantic life

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m sure the audience for this book may find it more useful than me. Felt very much like a textbook.

[Julie]

Will definitely pick back up again. Was about 100 pages in and just needed a breather. Lots of good info.

[Sara Faccidomo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good conversation starters. Easy to flip thru topics. Recommended for parents of teens!

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good information but NOT good as an audio book.

[Helen Chen · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a puberty and sexual health educator- I'm so THRILLED that this book exists. Out of all the "resource-y" books on teens and sex- this one HANDS DOWN should easily be at the top of every bookcase. The real life scenarios and the easy to read format of the book makes it super relatable for teens to dive into as well as flip through for a particular answer. I also love how this book talks comprehensively about the nuance in relationships that teens face and helps navigate them in a sex positive, judgement free way. There's so much in this book - so much knowledge, so many facts, so many tools young people can use to give themselves more control over their sexuality. Every chapter, whether it's talking about what constitutes sexual assault or how to read body language when things get hot and heavy, or how to explore one's own personal ethics, is rooted in giving power and agency back to young people. I HIGHLY recommend this to every type of educator that interacts with young people.