Лекарство от нервов. Как перестать волноваться и получить удовольствие от жизни

by Robert L. Leahy

Волнение захлестывает вас в самые неподходящие моменты? Беспокойство становится вашей второй натурой? Вы много раз перепроверяете себя и все равно не можете успокоиться? На протяжении более двадцати пяти лет доктор Роберт Л. Лихи успешно помог тысячам людей победить волнение и беспокойство. Эта книга, известная во всем мире, содержит программу, включающую практические, простые в использовании советы и методы, и поможет вам:
• выяснить глубинные причины тревоги и способы ее сдерживания;
• отличать продуктивную и непродуктивную тревогу;
• взять под контроль чувство времени и чувство срочности, которые усиливают беспокойство;
• переместить фокус внимания с неудач на возможности;
• остановить тревогу, которая мешает получать удовольствие от жизни.
Вы научитесь спокойно и уверенно решать как общие жизненные вопросы, так и конкретные задачи, связанные с отношениями, здоровьем, деньгами, работой и необходимостью самоутверждения в мире. Хватит тревожиться, начинайте жить!

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Health, Parenting, Audiobook

414 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Robert L. Leahy (B.A., M.S., Ph.D., Yale University), completed a Postdoctoral Fellowship in the Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania Medical School under the direction of Dr. Aaron Beck, the founder of cognitive therapy. Dr. Leahy is the Past-President of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies, Past-President of the International Association of Cognitive Psychotherapy, Past-President of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy, Director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy (NYC), and Clinical Professor of Psychology in Psychiatry at Weill-Cornell University Medical School. Dr. Leahy is the Honorary Life-time President, New York City Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association and a Distinguished Founding Fellow, Diplomate, of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. He has received the Aaron T. Beck award for outstanding contributions in cognitive therapy.

He was Associate Editor of The Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy (serving as Editor 1998-2003). Dr. Leahy is now Associate Editor of The International Journal of Cognitive Therapy. He has served on the Scientific Advisory Committee of the National Alliance of the Mentally Ill. Dr. Leahy serves on a number of scientific committees for international conferences on cognitive behavioral therapy and is a frequent keynote speaker and workshop leader at conferences and universities throughout the world. For a listing of professional presentations click here.

He is author and editor of 26 books, including Treatment Plans and Interventions for Depression and Anxiety Disorders (with Holland), Overcoming Resistance in Cognitive Therapy, Bipolar Disorder: A Cognitive Therapy Approach (with Newman, Beck, Reilly-Harrington, & Gyulai), Cognitive Therapy Techniques, Roadblocks in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Psychological Treatments of Bipolar Disorder (ed. with Johnson), Contemporary Cognitive Therapy, The Therapeutic Relationship in the Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapies (ed. with Gilbert) and The Worry Cure which received critical praise from the New York Times and has been selected by Self Magazine as one of the top eight self-help books of all time. His book The Worry Curehas been translated into nine languages and was a selection of the Book of the Month Club, Literary Guild and numerous other book clubs. Eleven of his clinical books have been book club selections. His two recent popular audience books are Anxiety-Free: Unravel Your Fears before They Unravel You, Beat the Blues Before They Beat You: How to Overcome Depression, and Keeping Your Head after Losing Your Job. His new self-help book, The Jealousy Cure: Learn to Trust, Overcome Possessiveness, and Save Your Relationship will be published in January 2018.

Dr. Leahy's recent clinical books include Emotion Regulation in Psychotherapy: A Practitioner's Guide (with Tirch and Napolitano), Treatment Plans and Interventions for Depression and Anxiety Disorders, Second Edition (with Holland and McGinn), and Treatment Plans and Interventions for Bulimia and Binge-Eating Disorder (with Zweig), Cognitive Therapy Techniques, Second Edition, and Emotional Schema Therapy. He is completing an edited book--Science and Practice in Cognitive Therapy- in honor of Aaron T. Beck, the founder of cognitive therapy, to be published by Guilford in January 2018. Dr. Leahy is currently working on a book to be published by Routledge, Emotional Schema Therapy: Distinctive Features.

He is the general editor of a series of books published by Guilford Press--Treatment Plans and Interventions for Evidence-Based Psychotherapy, which include books on depression, anxiety, OCD, insomnia, couples therapy, and child and adolescent therapy. His books have been translated into 21 languages and are used throughout the world in training cognitive behavioral therapists.

He has been featured in The New York Times Sunday Magazine, Forbes, Fortune, Newsweek, Psychology Today, Washington Post, WSJ, Redbook, Shape, Women's He

Reviews

[Evan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I worried about how many stars to give this.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book that helps worriers of all types. For example, the top 12 things NOT to do in order to decrease worry:

1. Seeking reassurance
2. Trying to stop your thoughts
3. Collecting information
4. Checking over and over
5. Avoiding discomfort
6. Numbing yourself with alcohol, drugs, or food
7. Overpreparing
8. Using safety behaviors (superstitious behaviors)
9. Always trying to make a good impression
10. Ruminating--chewing it over and over
11. Demanding certainty
12. Refusing to accept the fact that you have crazy thoughts

Very helpful book--based on CBT, exposure, and common sense.

[M S · Rating 2 out of 5]

My new therapist recommended I read this book. I got some valuable information from it but I do have some issues with it:
- It’s very repetitive. The steps seem to mush together and the advice becomes very similar for each step. It becomes very boring and tedious to read because there is very little new information that is presented. It’s also hard to keep track of all the names and stories and, as other people have mentioned, there are some results for the questionnaires that are simply omitted. Leahy is probably a good psychologist, but he’s not a good writer.

- It’s written to cater to a very specific audience. If you’ve ever been in CBT before (as I have), it’s nothing you haven’t heard before. It also uses three main worries throughout the entirety of the book: losing money in the stock market, losing a job, and being unlovable. I didn’t relate to any of these worries but reading it I DID start to worry that I SHOULD be worried about my relationship and job prospects (That’s on me though). It doesn’t really explore different worries and is very catered to people who have stable jobs, incomes, and are physically healthy.

- The tone can be condescending and borderline sexist at times. I’m not accusing Leahy of being sexist, but he definitely gives off an air of male superiority. I have serious qualms about him blaming mothers for all of worrier’s issues (he says that mothers saying “don’t stay out too late” leads to worrying. Leahy that’s just good parenting). His examples are also heavily gendered; most of the relationship worries are stories about women and most of his financial worry stories are written about men. There’s also a line in the book about women giving up on math because they can’t face the challenge. Yikes. He also slips into a very condescending tone at times. It feels like he’s saying “silly worriers with their silly irrational worries” at some points. He lacks a little bit of empathy with his audience.

Overall I don’t doubt that Leahy is a good psychologist and his advice is sound. The trouble is that he isn’t a good writer. He fails to develop rapport with his audience and is unorganized. A shame, because the advice is pretty sound.

[Erin Clemence · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you have ever been called a “worrywart”, or people in your life are always telling you “you worry too much”, Robert Leahy’s book “The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You” tackles seven strategies that will work to reduce your worry in most situations.

As a frequent worrier, and diagnosed sufferer of anxiety and depression, this novel was really just a deeper delve into Cognitive and Dialectical Behaviour therapies. So if you have ever seen a counselor for your anxiety (like I have) , or have studied these treatments and therapies (also, like I have) , than this novel will not have a lot of new information for you. However, Leahy does provide a more thorough investigation into some of the therapies used.

I found myself saying “oh that is SO me!” when Leahy introduces his case studies. Clearly, I am not alone in my struggle (which is reassuring in its own right) . I found Leahy’s writing to be pretty clear and concise, using examples from his clients and psychological studies and surveys to help back up his theory.

Will this novel solve all of your problems and prevent you from worrying ever again? Well of course it won’t. But Leahy definitely provides a new way (seven different ways actually) to address your worries with the hope of reducing them over time. If you are familiar with the material, as I said, it won’t be new to you but it definitely is presented from a people-friendly perspective.

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I own this book, and I will not part with it. Sorry folks! This book has changed my life. Ask Kara and Craig if you don't believe me. It provides excellent steps and exercises for dealing with the overthinking-worst-case-scenario type...like myself!

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another book I recommend to my clients. It's most appropriate for people who struggle with generalized worry (i.e., worry that crosses many domains)-- and may be less helpful for people with specific phobias, social anxiety, panic disorder....

However, I really enjoy the way Leahy writes and I found that there is a lot of useful advice for the average person. I mean, who couldn't use some advice on:
Identifying Productive and Unproductive Worry
Accepting Reality and Committing to Change
Challenging Worried Thinking
Turning Failure into Opportunity
Using Emotions Rather than Worry about Them
and Taking Control of (Your) Time

I've received good feedback from clients who've read the book as well.

[Rasha Kurdi · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب جيد تناول أسباب القلق عادة واختبارات لقياس مستوى القلق عند القارئ وبواعثه، ثم خطوات سبعة للتعامل مع القلق بفاعلية وتحويله من عائق إلى دافع للنجاح
أعجبني وأنصح به

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely helpful. I especially appreciate the descriptions of *why* we worry. I fall into these traps often: You view worry as a way to act responsibly, prevent your worse fears from happening, motivate yourself to get things done, problem solve …

The one thing I struggled to unpack for myself is the ultimate "why" of my worry. Examples given for work-related worries were that you're worried you'll get fired or that you won't get a promotion. That's not really it for me. I think I worry about disappointing people, but there's no big underlying fear aside from that. Which is kind of eye-opening in and of itself, I guess. If I'm only worried about disappointing people, what is the worst that can happen? They'll be temporarily disappointed and then what? This quote really resonated with me: "All emotions are temporary. Why use worry to change something that will change on its own? Step away from the feeling right now and watch it gradually pass by."

The other thing that hit home for me is the concept that I feel everything has to be done right now and the tips provided for how I can combat that feeling to minimize worry.

[Auntjenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

The writing is as bland as a doctor's waiting room, but the advice is helpful, if you can catch yourself doing the behaviors Leahy writes about.

One major qualm I have with this otherwise useful book: Leahy's section "Your Parents Taught You To Worry" in which he literally and ridiculously blames mothers for everyone's anxiety problems. How do mothers teach their children to worry? Well, he cites several very nuanced examples, namely that mothers say things like "wear your gloves," "don't stay out too late," and "look both ways when you cross the street." Did Leahy grow up motherless? Because surely every halfway decent mother in the entire world says these things to their children! Yes, the world really IS a dangerous place when you don't look both way when you cross the street, Dr. Leahy! This section is short, but it makes me feel like screaming every time I read it.

I am so sick of mothers-- you know, those people who care the most and do the majority of the child rearing, even today-- getting blamed for everything!! For shame, Leahy!

[Courtney Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wes told me I needed to read this book and he was definitely right; would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is a chronic worrier or struggles with anxious thoughts. Very helpful strategies with tangible ways to how to apply them. Did feel the book got a bit more repetitive towards the end, also appreciated the second half of the book which helped with specific worries. Have already noticed a change in how I respond to anxious thoughts!

[Cav · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Worry Cure was a decent look into the topic, but it was a bit longer than it should have been, and I found myself getting frustrated as the book went on...

Author Robert L. Leahy is a psychologist, writer, and editor of 28 books dedicated to cognitive behaviour therapy. He is Director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York and Clinical Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College.

Robert L. Leahy:


Leahy gets the writing here off on a good foot, with a great inro. He mentions how ridiculous it is to spend your life worrying. Identifying the quest for certainty as a chief driven of worrying, he says that demanding certainty is a never-ending saga.

The intro is written in a tongue-in-cheek manner, that explores how one might "teach" someone to worry, giving the hypothetical case of encountering someone in a deep jungle, who was unfamiliar with worry. Leahy writes:

...Now you can go back to the guy who came out of the jungle and tell him that you have the Seven Rules of Highly Worried People.
Let’s take a close look at them and make sure we have everything:
1. If something bad could happen—if you can simply imagine it— then it’s your responsibility to worry about it.
2. Don’t accept any uncertainty—you need to know for sure.
3. Treat all of your negative thoughts as if they are really true.
4. Anything bad that could happen is a reflection of who you are as a person.
5. Failure is unacceptable.
6. Get rid of any negative feelings immediately.
7. Treat everything like an emergency.

He also drops this quote, central to the book's thesis:

THE WORST WAYS TO HANDLE WORRY
1. Seeking reassurance
2. Trying to stop your thoughts
3. Collecting information
4. Checking over and over
5. Avoiding discomfort
6. Numbing yourself with alcohol, drugs, and food
7. Overpreparing
8. Using safety behaviors
9. Always trying to make a great impression
10. Ruminating—chewing it over and over
11. Demanding certainty
12. Refusing to accept the fact that you have crazy thoughts

The book also contains many personal tests, to help the reader identify their own specific brand of worry; be it relationship, financial, health, or otherwise.
Leahy writes with a fairly easy and engaging style, for the most part, and the book is fairly readable.
He also includes many case studies from his own practice, that help bring some context to his writings.

*************************

I did enjoy The Worry Cure, but I felt that it dragged on a bit as it went. The PDF version I have clocked in at a hefty 402 pages. It could have done well with a more rigorous editing, IMO.
3 stars.

[Yuhang · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very practical book.

Points taken:
0. Thinking positively is BS.
1. Experience the emotion, don't try to meta-analyze it.
2. Stop worrying about "what-ifs", you cannot solve every possible problem in the world.
3. Learn to live with uncertainty. It is life.
4. Conflict feeling is normal, because things are complex.
5. Worry too much about worry is worse than worry.
6. worry productively, worry things that you can do something about today.
7. chain events that lead to catastrophe is fantasy. Thinking about probability (and multiplication of small probability)
8. Don't read mind.

And many more. Should be among top 3 in "self-help" category.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

i really needed this. i have been having incredibly bad anxiety continually for at least half a year -- my body is in flight/fight terror almost perpetually, i lost one of my strongest personality strengths (the ability to stay present/be grateful, appreciative and satisfied with what i have instead of fixating on what i don't), i wasn't eating/sleeping well, i couldn't relax, i was in almost perpetual mental pain, i was hypersensitive, i was either hopeless/despairing/incredibly sad or paralyzed by anxiety or both, there were some days when i spent more time crying than not... it was pretty bad.

the greatest benefit i got out of this was learning how to better spot the ways my mind distorts things and thus having more emotional peace of mind (i am still anxious and depressed af but it's like 50% of the time instead of 95%, lol, big win tbh). i've also benefited from the exercises hugely because i have been getting a lot better at understanding my emotions.

the greatest strength of this book is how practical it is. it's written in very easy to understand language, there are examples and they offer concrete and solutions that you can practice. it explains the psychology behind worrying/anxiety (what emotional payoff we get out of it), cognitive biases, the costs of this worrying, and simple solutions. i had a very clear idea of all the tricks my mind likes to employ after i read this book. after reading this, i also began to realize i have perfectionistic standards of myself and i suck at handling my own vulnerability/flaws, which is why i'm currently reading Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.

some of the weaknesses of this book: it lacks nuance. it's a bit of a one-size-fits all type of book -- the advice and examples that he gives are general. and maybe i'm a bit sensitive but leahy's description of some of his clients/the general tone is almost dismissive/condescending. i'd say this book is an easy introduction/starting point to understanding the psychology behind worrying.

anyway, i am definitely checking out more cbt books because i find the practical nature of these books extremely helpful.

[Scott "Bjorn" Cummings · Rating 4 out of 5]

As some someone who suffers from Generalized Anxiety I found this book to be a gold mine.
I received this book as an xmas gift from my brother and his wife. Now I am allowed to write and use it a reference when I have worries.
Although it tends to be repetitive as most self help books are this is still a great book. Each step is broken down with assignments and real life examples that almost anyone can relate to.
I will continue to use this throughout my life to learn how to overcome and successfully manage my stress in my career and personal life.

Part 1
Understanding why we worry and a chance to take some assessments to find out what is really causing the anxiety.

Part 2
The Seven steps to take control of your worry

Step one
Indentify productive and nonproductive.
The classic find what you can and cannot control in any situation

Step two
Accept Reality and commit to change
Uncertainty is reality

Step three
Challenge your worry thinking
Think about it and embrace it!

sTEP FOUR
focus on a deeper threat
Positive thinking is bullshit
Try to have positive beliefs that reflect your values.

Step five
Turn failure into opportunism
Every situation is meant to teach you something. Failure and loss is a part of life and will happen to eventually.
What we learn and how we overcome them is really how we succeed in life. If you just got fired from a job think that you really just got paid to go school and learn.

Step six
Use your emotions rather and worry about them
Remember that each emotion is really only temporary and limited. This chapter made me think of the saying 'that This two shall pass"

Step 7
Take control of time.

Remember that time is rather an illusion and that by managing it and doing what you rreally like you will be amazed by what you can do. If you hate traffic, leave earlier from home and listen to some podcast or radio station that you really enjoy.

Part 3 Special Worries and how to calculate them

I would only read these if you have a legit concern about them. As a recent college graduate I found the what if I fail chapter to be really helpful. Which meant that being fair in a workplace is rare. People have different incentives in the "real World" than they do at college.

[Hal · Rating 3 out of 5]

I came across the mention of this book I believe on a health website, the focus of most of my worry issues. There was a simple statement that said life has to be looked at as knowing pain will be there from time to time and we need to accept that. I liked that and that led be to reading the book.

First I was worried I would not finish it. No just kidding. It turned out to be a good book to get at the core of what drives our worries about really anything. The doctor then addresses putting things into perspective and rethinking what we think. Simple stuff but quite powerful also. Much of the book addresses this retooling. The conclusion deals with specific worry areas that most people encounter, such as health. On balance a worthwhile and informative read for anyone looking for solutions.

[Amanda Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book because my carefree husband tells me that I worry too much. Haha. I would actually re-read in the future if I was worried about something or going through a hard time. He gives steps and strategies to reduce your worrying. The steps were realistic and helpful. I enjoyed the real-life examples he gave of other people implementing these strategies into their lives. It was a quick and helpful read.

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not bad! I didn't exactly agree with how some things were phrased, however, I think that chapter 13 (Health Worries: What if I Really Am Sick?) really resonated with me & it was definitely something I needed to hear! Overall, I think that the book wasn't too bad.

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life changing and exactly what I needed. I didn’t realize just how much of a worrier I am and how much it holds me back. This is one I’ll consult over and over.

[Laurel Larsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has SO many numbered lists and steps 🙃

Each chapter focused on his 7 steps to stop worrying:
1. identifying productive and unproductive worry
2. accepting reality and committing to change
3. challenging worried thinking
4. focusing on the deeper threat behind worries
5. turning "failure" into opportunity
6. utilizing emotions instead of being controlled by them
8. taking control of time

If you are a worrier I feel like doing the suggestions in this book would really help! It is written in a way that made it easy to identify what I need. I would think, “oh I do that!” and I would listen up!

My notes:
Productive worry has an action plan!
It’s all about your Thoughts! Let them out, write out feelings
Don’t ruminate (Act. Stay in the present or forward looking.)
Be flexible
View yourself in a positive way, talk positive to yourself
Place power on what you can control, not what others control
Don’t see things as all or nothing (I was a little lazy today but I am not a lazy person)

[Zuzanna Betiuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

jeśli miałabym wybrać jedyny poradnik, który przeczytają wszyscy ludzie na świecie, to byłoby to właśnie lekarstwo na zmartwienia.
Napisany konkretnie, przejrzyście, wspierającym językiem z niewielką dawką humoru. co najważniejsze: bez pop-psychologicznych bzdur, z wytłumaczeniem konkretnych technik. Napewno będę wracać (polecam kupić swój egzemplarz)

[Joshua Rankine · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were parts of this book that I really resonated with and it gave some helpful tips that I will try to put to use. Unfortunately, it was pretty repetitive and I got bored near the end, but overall a seemingly helpful book.

[G. Lawrence · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good advice for worrying, and when going through tough times. Practical help, rather than useless "believe in yourself" nonsense. Helpful

[Suzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now if I could just stop......

[Margarete Maneker · Rating 1 out of 5]

completely unremarkable pop-psych/self-help

[Molly Shaffer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me realize how I can conquer my worries and lead a more stress free life. I highly recommend it.

[L.L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ponieważ ostatnio sporo się stresowałem (jak od kilkunastu lat mi się nie zdarzyło, a może i od dwudziestu kilku), postanowiłem sięgnąć po tą książkę w następnej kolejności i warto było. Jest dobra! Tylko chyba będę musiał przeczytać ponownie niektóre rozdziały ;) ale jest to wygodne, bo rozdziały są podzielone na rodzaje lęków, więc łatwo wybrać "swój" i konkretnie na nim się skupić. To znaczy myślę, że warto przeczytać całość, a potem już konkretnie skupić się na "swoim".
Autor skupia się na tym, jak rozróżnić produktywne zmartwienia od nieproduktywnych, jak się zmierzyć ze zmartwieniami, a nie wyrzucać je z głowy (bo to jest trudne, kiedy ciągle wracają same) i jak racjonalizować. Mnie się przyda i książkę zatrzymam.
Aha, i nie zgadzam się z opinią, że wydawnictwo polskie nie popisało się z okładką - okładka jest urocza i bardzo się z nią utożsamiam :D

Już sam wstęp jest bardzo fajny:

"(...) spróbuj wyobrazić sobie, że podchodzi do ciebie ktoś, kto dorastał w dżungli i nie ma pojęcia o zwykłym życiu w nowoczesnym świecie. Podchodzi i mówi: „Jak mogę nauczyć się martwić?”. (...)

Następnie mógłbyś podsunąć kilka pomysłów, kiedy należy zacząć się martwić. Jakie czynniki wywołują u ciebie to uczucie? Mógłbyś powiedzieć „Martwię się, gdy stanie się coś złego”, ale to nieprawda, ponieważ martwisz się o potencjalnie złe rzeczy, które jeszcze się nie wydarzyły. A może wiesz, że coś złego ma się zdarzyć i dlatego się martwisz? Tylko skąd niby wiesz, że to ma się zdarzyć? Nie wydarzyło się jeszcze i właściwie żadna z rzeczy, którymi się martwisz, nigdy się zdarza. Mógłbyś też powiedzieć: „Martw się złymi rzeczami, które jesteś w stanie sobie wyobrazić”. Teraz można już sobie wyobrazić milion złych rzeczy, które wcale nie muszą się zdarzyć. Jest to niewyczerpane źródło powodów do zmartwień."
(pdf.str. 9)

- i tak dalej :D mógłbym jeszcze dużo zacytować, ale nie będę przepisywać książki ;) (no może jeszcze tylko: "Leżąc w łóżku, można myśleć o każdym problemie, który napotkamy jutro lub w przyszłym roku i należy pamiętać, że odpowiedzi na nurtujące nas pytania musimy znać od razu." :D ).

Inne ciekawe cytaty:

"Sprawdzanie może nigdy nie dotknąć podstawowej obawy osób zamartwiających się: „Nie mogę znieść niepewności”. W konsekwencji są one nerwowe, marnują wiele czasu i energii oraz wzmacniają przekonanie, że muszą sprawdzać, by poczuć się bezpiecznie. Jakie są korzyści? Czują się lepiej przez godzinę, a następnie sprawdzają ponownie."
(pdf.str. 48)


"Warto zadać sobie pytanie, jak można zamienić swoje wątpliwości i rozważania na sformułowanie rzeczywistych problemów, które wymagają rozwiązania. Trzeba zapytać siebie „Jaki problem muszę rozwiązać?" Pewien mężczyzna martwił się spadkiem obrotów i wciąż rozmyślał, dlaczego tak się działo. Wtedy uzmysłowił sobie, że to roztrząsanie nie ma żadnego znaczenia. Problem, który należy rozwiązać — zwiększenie sprzedaży — powinien zostać rozwiązany przez większą liczbę telefonów. Gdy mężczyzna dzwonił, mniej rozmyślał. Rozmyślanie należy zamienić na pytania o działanie: „Jakie działania powinienem podjąć?” Jeśli nie ma czynności, które można od razu rozpocząć, to można uznać swoje obawy za nieuzasadnione."
(pdf.str. 80-81)


"Czy oczekiwanie idealnych rozwiązań ma jakieś zalety? Można uważać, że motywuje to do szukania najlepszych rozwiązań, ale czy faktycznie tak się dzieje? Odrzucenie wszystkich możliwości ze względu na to, że nie są one idealne, nie gwarantuje znalezienia rozwiązania. Niektórzy uważają, że domaganie się doskonałości zmniejszy możliwość żałowania czegoś. Ponownie, szukanie doskonałości prowadzi do czegoś zupełnie odwrotnego — jeśli oczekuje się idealnego rozwiązania, wszystkie dotychczas podjęte decyzje, które nie przyniosły najlepszych rezultatów, wywołają żal i złe samopoczucie. Dążenie do perfekcji spowoduje jeszcze większy żal. Z drugiej strony, jeśli zostawiamy sobie jakiś margines błędu, możemy zaakceptować fakt, że niektóre decyzje mogą mieć negatywne skutki i potraktować je jako coś naturalnego. Negatywne skutki są nieuchronne przy podejmowaniu wielu decyzji."
(pdf.str. 82)

- dobre. To o mnie ;) Postaram się zapamiętać...

"Dzieci wychowywane w bezpiecznych relacjach z rodzicami częściej potrafią widzieć same siebie z różnych perspektyw i znacznie częściej siebie akceptują. Susan Harter wykazała, że grupa rówieśnicza ma wpływ na to, jak dziecko postrzega swój wygląd, relacje z rówieśnikami i sprawność fizyczną, podczas gdy rodzice mają wpływ na to, jak dzieci postrzegają swoje możliwości intelektualne oraz zachowanie (np. czy „zachowują się jak należy”)."
(pdf. str. 210)

- to jest ciekawe... i chyba się zgadza.

Ciekawy jest też fragment o związkach:

"Kiedy związki się rozpadają, ludzie mają tendencję, aby kogoś obarczać winą. Może to wywołać lęk, że inni będą nas obwiniać oraz że będą nas postrzegać jako żałosnych nieudaczników. Pracując przez wiele lat z setkami pacjentów nie zarejestrowałem ani jedne go przypadku rozpadu związku z powodu tego, że jeden z partnerów miał wady, był niesympatyczny, brzydki czy niepełnowartościowy. Związki kończą się generalnie dlatego, że ich koszty są większe niż korzyści z nich płynące.

Zastanówmy się nad logiką takiego stwierdzenia: „Zostawił mnie, bo jestem odstręczająca”. Po pierwsze, wszedł w ten związek, ponieważ uznał cię za atrakcyjną (interesującą, ładną, wartościową, itp.) Po drugie to, czy ktoś jest „atrakcyjny”, zależy od (kochających) oczu patrzącego. Ten, kto jest dla ciebie atrakcyjny, dla innych może być zupełnie nieciekawy. A po trzecie, atrakcyjność nie wynika z samej osoby, tylko z jej zachowania. Są zachowania, które sprawiają, że jesteśmy interesujący. Zalicza się do nich uprzejmość, słuchanie innych, okazywanie ciepła i zrozumienia, sprawianie przyjemności partnerowi, szczodrość oraz akceptowa nie kogoś mimo jego wad. Takie zachowania prawie każdy może sobie przyswoić, jeśli zechce. Nie ma niemiłych ludzi, są tylko nie miłe zachowania."
(pdf.str. 241)

(czytana/słuchana: 19-26.03.2026)
5/5 [8/10]

[أخضر أخضر · Rating 4 out of 5]

أصبح القلق والاضطرابات المرتبطة به من أكثر الأمراض النفسيّة المنتشرة في زماننا الحالي، ترى ما السبب وراء ذلك؟
في هذا الكتاب يوضح الكاتب الأسباب وراء تفشيّ اضطرابات القلق، ويبين أنماطه المختلفة كما أنه يُخبرنا أن كلّ شخص من الممكن أن يُصاب به في جانب معيّن، إمَّا في الدراسة أو العمل أو العلاقات أو المرض..وغيرهم
وقد وضع الكاتب كثيرًا من الاختبارات التي ستحدد لك الجانب الذي تُعاني منه وتقيس لديك بعض الصفات والمشاعر، حيث يُعتبر هذا الكتاب مفيد جدًّا لفهم مشاعرك القلقة وتحديد التهديد العميق النابع من داخلك!
سوف تستمتع بقراءته لسهولة مفرداته ووضوح أسلوبه وستلاحظ أن بعض الصفحات بِها كلام مكرر ونقاط قد ذُكرت أكثر من مرة.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was life-altering for me. I have been a chronic worrier for longer than I can remember. I have read many books on anxiety and worrying, but this one by far surpasses them all. Not only does this book offer great techniques to stop worrying so much, it also provides a lot of insight about why we worry and how worrying affects our daily lives. For me the most valuable part was the fact that I realized I'm not the only chronic worrier on earth and that there is hope to one day escape from so much worrying! Dr. Leahy nailed worry on the head and I felt as if he had written the entire book specifically about me! I definitely recommend this book to anyone who is trying to cope with generalized worry and anxiety.

[Hande Akcay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Daha once de yazmistim- kisisel gelisim alaninda oldukca fazla kitap okumus, %70’ini falan da begenmemisimdir.

“The Worry Cure” bugune kadar okudugum en iyi kisisel gelisim kitabidir.

Kitabi okurken, daha once hissettiklerimi, sıkıntılarımı, caresizligimi bu kadar iyi anlatan bir insan olmus muydu, ciddi ciddi dusundum. Kimi bolumleri kendim yazmisim gibi hissedip, “sonunda ifade edebildim iste” dercesine rahatladim, gozlerim doldu.

Onerilen yontemleri henuz uygulamaya baslamadim ama kesinlikle deneyecegim.

Bu illeti yasayan herkese tavsiye ederim.

[Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Leahy is well respected as a leader in third wave cognitive-behaviourally oriented therapy, as a clinician, academic, educator. This is one of my favourite books to recommend to people who want to understand more about the ways in which anxiety gets in the way of living and how to work differently with worries to gain more control in their life. Not a cure, but an extremely useful book for increasing insight and introduces skills, techniques and ways of thinking and coping that can be hugely beneficial