Play to Their Strengths: A New Approach to Parenting Your Kids as God Made Them

by Brandon Miller, Analyn Miller

Bring Out the Best in Your Children

How can a good parent like you become an even greater parent? By shifting the focus to what’s right with your kids instead of what is wrong with them. Discover how you can replace your frustration with joy by taking the pressure of performance and comparison off your children’s shoulders.

Based in the belief that every child has God-given greatness within them, Play to Their Strengths shows you how to move with the natural momentum of your kids’ talents and make the shift to a collaborative, strengths-based, and motivational approach to parenting. You’ll see the powerful results of this shift in your children’s shining eyes—and your own.

The unique Playbook in the back of the book equips you to put into practice the ideas in each chapter. Answer questions and engage in activities with your spouse and kids to uncover talent and discover greatness. The Playbook makes great advice personal as you apply it to the specific family dynamics in your home.
 
Now is the perfect time to experience a fresh fascination with your children and uncover the hidden gem inside each of them.
 

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

Published June 4, 2019

Reviews

[Emily P · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Play To Their Strengths" is an easy to implement, faith filled, encouraging book for all types of parents. If you've ever heard of the Clifton Strengths Finder tests, this book highlights the way parents can take use of the system to help them better understand their kids.

Often we hear of parents who want to push their kids into trying so many things, forgetting that if we would observe them more and encourage a LOT more, we'd make better progress. Analyn and Brandon Miller share their experiences in their own parenting journey, giving the reader helpful suggestions along the way, in the hopes the reader can learn from them. The style is that of a conversational one, filled with support for both the parents and their kids. There are helpful "playbook" points in each chapter, as well as several types of parenting quizzes at the end of the book relating to specific chapters.

I found "Play To Their Strengths" to be a helpful, thorough book with a lot to offer parents who are trying to understand how to encourage greatness in their children. If we focus on all they can't do, we're missing out on what they CAN do. I think anyone who works with children and young people could pull useful information out of this book! I was thankful to be a part of the launch team, thanks to Harvest House Publishers and received an early reader PDF to review. All opinions are my own.

[Anna Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Play to Their Strengths is different than any parenting book I’ve read (and I’ve read a lot!). The main concept is focusing on your child’s strengths rather than weaknesses. It sounds simple, but it seems to me that it’s the opposite of how life is typically played out. I love my daughter fiercely, and my mindset usually leans toward the thought of helping her strengthen her weaknesses so that she’ll do better in life.

In this book, however, the Millers put forward the idea of focusing your parenting energy on recognizing your child’s strengths and helping them to grow even stronger in those areas. It has been such a breakthrough in my thinking! I see positive changes in my home already just from implementing ideas while I’ve been reading the book.

I also loved the “Parenting Playbook” they have at the end of the book, which offers direct suggestions for conversations to have and activities to participate in to shift toward strength-based parenting.

If you’d like a fresh perspective at how to see and encourage the strengths in your children, then I definitely recommend this book!

[Kristi Capindica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a Mom of 3 kids: 2 are college students and my son is 12 years old. I’m still learning every day how to be a better Mom to my kids. This parenting book is different in that it has you focus on strengths instead of solving issues. I’m an optimistic person, so I identify very well with this approach! The Millers include access to an inventory of strengths. It was very interesting to see the results of the strengths of my children. Some of them were surprising, but some parts opened my eyes to things I hadn’t thought of. Thanks to Analyn and Brandon, I now have some new ways to be an awesome parent for my kids! :)

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Play to Their Strengths is a well thought out book of how we can raise children (and grandchildren!) to learn what their interested in and what their strengths are. No two children are to be treated the same because they are individuals.

[Katheryne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to Harvest House for providing me with an advanced readers copy of this book.
The authors are parents to 7 children and their wealth of experience shows in every page. They are very strong in their Christian faith, and this is evident in the book, drawing from scripture to emphasize and explain many of the concepts. If you are familiar with strengths psychology or strengths-based management, or strengths-based parenting, this book will be a great addition to your repertoire. If this is a new concept for you, this book is a great introduction, and not a very long read at all. Focusing on parenting, Brandon and Analyn explain in easy to read detail what the concept of strengths-based parenting is and what it is not. They present ideas, concepts, examples, and action plans for each stage of a child's life. They are honest about their own missteps in their parenting journeys, and acknowledge that none of us get this parenting thing correct (or even close to it) all the time. A Playbook corresponding to each chapter is included at the end with practical activities to start implementing with your family. You will also receive access to strengths inventories for both you and your child. All in all, this book is a very well-rounded package that will be useful to families looking to move more closely to a strengths-based parenting model.

[Sarah Poling · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book talks about learning what makes your kids eyes light up by living in discovery mode. Looking for their strengths, playing to them, celebrating them. Then building on their strengths, passions, and God given talents. The best part of the book was the connection that it is paramount role to anchor our children in truth. Galatians 5:1.

My favorite quote is :”we must be the loudest voice in our children’s lives reminding them that they were crafted in detail by God for greatness.”

It is strongly connected to Clifton’s strengths test. The authors have a tool available to help identify your kids strengths I look forward to testing it.

Thankful to partner with Harvest House and read an advance copy.

[Ashlie Hogan · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a parent to 6 kids, I am always on the lookout for ways to parent all of my kids in a way that will be influential and help them progress in their own lives, but needless to say I miss the mark.

This book is such an encouragement to parents but at the same time, it doesn’t guilt them into feeling like they are doing it wrong.
The author truly wants you as a parent to look at your specific and unique children that God gave to you and ask yourself how you can parent them as you inspire them to follow the ways that God has gifted them. This isn’t always easy, especially if you have more than one child, but the author gives excellent and practical advice on how to find your child’s strengths and use those in your parenting style.

I look forward to going back and rereading this book and looking for specific things that can apply to each of my children.

I was given access to an early copy of this book so that I could offer my thoughts, but I am thankful I read it and would encourage others who are looking to parent wisely to take a look.

[Courtney Birkbeck · Rating 5 out of 5]

Play to their strengths is an incredible book that every parent should read. I typically go into reading parenting books with hesitation, because so many books these days are about coddling the child and not actually parenting. I love how this book talks about loving the child the right way, the way God does. I'm a parent to four children and each of them are so unique. I am looking forward to daily, applying the things I learned in this book, to my parenting.

Thank you for writing this! I have suggested it to so many friends and family. I'm pretty nearly all of them were grabbing a copy!

[Bonnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m still reading this one because there’s so many helpful ideas I want to really understand and try them out before moving on! The concept of working to find the strengths of my child is not a new one, but I love the practical reminders, the stories and tips that help me relate this to my own kids. The playbook in the back is also helpful for really applying all these ideas to my situation for my unique kids. Each child needs a different approach to help them not just get through childhood, but to help them thrive and help all of us enjoy it! I highly suggest this for anyone who has kids, wants kids, works with kids, is around kids!

[Marlene Lacroix · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great resource for parents; and a great book to help me shift my way of parenting! Looking for the strengths in your children and building those up, rather than focusing energy and attention in the areas they don’t enjoy or that may not come easy to them. It’s about looking for the shine in their eyes, and isn’t that what we all want and hope for for our children? The tools provided in the back of the book and the strengths assessment, help parents to build onto this great way of parenting!

*received an Advanced Readers Copy, but views and opinions are all my own

[Tim Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

So important to understand our kids on this level...it can also help with self understanding as well. Great job writing this much needed book Millers.

[Darren Virassammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a parent that believes your kids have unique and enduring strengths and that your ability to adapt your parenting to help cultivate and foster those strengths is one of your most important responsibilities as a parent, then you can't afford to not read this. Never in my wildest dreams could I have thought a book on parenting would have immediate shifts from one chapter to the next on how I would parent my kids. This book is a GAMECHANGER...so applicable immediately, written by two authors who also dig into the painful lessons of parenting that we have all learned the hard way.

Simply put...if you are a parent who loves your children and wants them to be the best they can be, not matter what phase in life those kids are at...read this book. I loved it so much, I preordered 30 copies to hand out to parents that I care about...yes, it is that good!

[Bridgette Vintika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parenting is so hard y’all. These babies do not come with a manual! Play To Their Strengths is a great guide to help you in being the best parent you can be. I love the ideas in here (some I had already been doing) but I learned new ways to help my girls become the best humans they can be. I highly recommend this book for parents and grandparents!

[Evalina · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I read this book, I realized the timeliness of the subject in view of the current headlines. Parenting our children in a way that discovers and develops THEIR strengths rather than encouraging them to meet OUR goals is a concept that should have been highly promoted years ago. This book presents concepts that make sense when we want our children to recognize the strengths they possess so they will have the potential to develop the passion they need to achieve their goals in life. For each of us, there is that strength that “makes [our] eyes shine” and that is truly the measure of success.

For some of us it’s too late to accomplish this with our children. However, there is still the possibility of influencing our children’s children. If that is you, consider this book as a gift not only for expectant and new parents but also for parents and caregivers of youth. It’s well worth the effort to spread this message around.

I voluntarily reviewed an Advanced Reader Copy of this book provided by the publisher and Net Galley. However, the thoughts expressed are totally my own

[Amanda Fain · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being a first time parent now getting into the toddler years this book has been so helpful in reframing things for us. The chapter on exchanging fascination with frustration is so spot on and such an ‘ah ha!’, moment for us. I would recommend this book for any parent looking to gain perspective and insight that will lead to a fuller relationship with their children and with God’s calling to parenthood.

[Ciera Tyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book book as so much insights on how to raise your children through a lens of their strengths verses their weaknesses. The authors have 7 children and did a great job relating their experiences as parents to the points that they were making. I highly recommend this book to parents looking for a new approach to parenting.

[TyAnn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is as close to a manual for understanding your kids as I’ve seen! Tremendous insights on understanding and valuing your children for who they are, and very helpful communication strategies for their different strengths. I’ve got two daughters who couldn’t be more different, so treating them same was a recipe for disaster. This information really goes beyond just understanding and to a higher level of appreciation for their innate gifts. Highly recommend.

[Peter Baloh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brandon's and Analyn's advice and tools provided in the book are indispensable for every parent wanting the best in their children. It will give you, the parent, the mindset and the tools to not just watch for those shining eyes but create a world in which your kids do get the shining eyes, in which they thrive, in which they are in their flow or put themselves back into it. Resilience, grit and happiness will have been the results – which is the ultimate legacy you truly want to leave for your children. I loved every single page of this book and inspite of me being an executive coach myself (coaching leaders in how they can better create a thriving environment for their employees), I experienced more than a handful of powerful mindset changing moments that already affected my relationship with my kids.

[Danielle Warren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very helpful in my everyday parenting choices as well as with the students that I teach. Too often as parents we focus on our child’s weaknesses. This book teaches instead to build on our child’s strengths. As a special education teacher I am told to use positive reinforcement to shape a child’s behavior. Why not focus on positive with all children. It works! We will know what a child is interested in by looking for the twinkle in their eye. If there is no twinkle in a child’s eye, it is time to try a different activity. This book would be great for new parents, as well as parents of older children or teens. I plan to keep it available to review when I am finding myself struggling to parent or be effective with my students. If you are looking for a new more positive way to parent, check this book out!

[Rhonda Boyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re frustrated and irritated at your kids all the time, there may be something deeper for you to discover. What would it be like for you if you could identify your child’s natural talents and fall in love with who they were born to be? And what if you could uncover their mission and the calling on their life and encourage and nurture them along the way? Sounds like a lofty idea, almost impossible to attain -- until you read Play to Their Strengths. The methods and strategies in this amazing book by Brandon and Analyn Miller are timely and relevant for any generation and any family. Finally! ~ Rhonda Knight Boyle, author of Turning Talents into Strengths: Stories of Coaching Transformation

[Bolaji O. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book every parent wishes they had from Day 1.
And that every child wishes their parent read before bedtime.

PLAY TO THEIR STRENGTHS is a heartfelt love letter from the current versions of Brandon and Analyn, parents of 7 wonderful kids, to the younger versions of themselves, when they found themselves with three kids at the age of 22.

The book resonates on a core level with many of us. I feel so strongly about moral imperative to help kids discover their strengths, or superpowers, and nurture those superpowers, that I founded Brave Young Heroes 8 years ago.

I grew up a painfully shy boy with social anxiety. I felt I was broken because I didn't measure up to what society obviously valued in a young man - that alpha male personality. I felt I was somehow deficient.

Through many years of study and reflection, I came to appreciate my unique strengths. And only then, did I being to flourish. As a parent myself, I vowed to help my kids identify their strengths, and support them in these endeavors.

Having said that, parenting is hard. It is the most rewarding job in the world, but can also be trying and frustrating. In Play To Their Strengths, Analyn and Brandon pull the curtains back and reveal the breakthrough that led them to transition from FRUSTRATION to FASCINATION in their parenting. They stopped asking "What is wrong with my child", stopped worrying what other people thought about their family, and they watched for the SHINING EYE moments in their kids.

This transition is not easy. Old habits die hard. Many if not most of us parent like previous generations did. And while much of what our parents generation did was tried-and-true, with new evidence we owe it to future generations to evolve our parenting toolset.

Play To Their Strengths is a big step in that evolution.

Your kids will thank you for putting these chapters into practice.

And you'll find a new level of ease, freedom, and acceptance in your household.

Remember the famous Einstein quote:
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend it's life thinking that it is stupid."

Let' help our kids find the body of water they were made tho thrive in. And not insist that they climb trees as well as the neighbor's kids.

[Beauty in the Binding · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Play to Their Strengths, Analyn and Brandon Miller challenge and encourage parents to use a strengths-based parenting style. Core to this philosophy is the belief that God gives each child certain gifts (pg.19). It is an intentional strategy to focus on what's right rather than what's wrong with a child (pg.20), but is not intended to lead to overly permissive parenting (pg. 33).

Reading Play to Their Strengths was enjoyable. Unlike some non-fiction books, I didn't find myself bogged down or bored in the middle. The writing style was relatable with occasional humor. At times I did wish for more specifics from their process instead of a bland statement of going from one thing to another. Overall though, it was easy to read and I expect to pick it up annually.

Since reading Play to Their Strengths, I have found myself being more mindful to notice what my children are doing right and giving positive, verbal affirmations. I absolutely love the idea about staying fascinated with my kids as they grow. There were a few statements that really made me think – like how fear is often the source of our anger. The more I thought about the idea and examined subsequent moments of anger, I found it true for me that there is often (but not always) a certain fear lurking underneath. I liked the chapter about finding your own strengths and using them as you parent.

Each chapter of Play to Their Strengths offers discussion questions at the end and there is a “Playbook” with ideas for further consideration or activities to do with the children to help uncover their gifts. I recommend Play to Their Strengths by Analyn and Brandon Miller to any parent, but it is targeted toward Christian parents.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I was provided a copy of this book by the publisher. All opinions in this review are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

[Amanda Osenga · Rating 5 out of 5]

Play to Their Strengths is the parenting book I've been looking for since becoming a mother. In it we find the story of a young couple who unexpectedly became parents and have since changed parenting for thousands of families. They "accidentally" figured out that by using strengths-based approaches, their children thrived.

In this book, we're given tips on how to identify and build our children's strengths. Information on helping kids refine their strengths with personal stories from kids and parents are included throughout. By playing to kids strengths instead of focusing on weaknesses, the Miller family found that their children found their true callings in life.

I especially loved the call for parents to declare truth and their strengths over their children. And I loved that this book isn't just about raising young kids- tips are provided even for parents of adults and supporting your child through their entire life. Each section helps you learn how to identify and play to your children's strengths.

The last section is a Parenting Playbook. This is where we put what we've learned into practice. In this section are activities, questions, and more. I love that this was included as a way to dive in deeper and more fully understand strength-based parenting.

All with a gentle reminder to pray for, with, and over them. While this is "parenting your kids as God made them," this would be great for people of any- or no- religious background. You could easily adapt it for your religious preferences.

I was highly impressed with this book and hope that millions of parents discover the benefits of Strength-Based parenting... my family already is!

[Sabrina]

I've just finished reading Play to Their Strength and feel like this should be required reading for ALL parents!! It is a shift in thinking about kids, behavior, and parenting that I've been working on for a few years now but this book sums it up in a straight forward way I haven't really seen anywhere else. It is full of great examples and practical tips. I read the digital version but I suggest the paper version since the "Playbook" is in the back of the book which is sort of a workbook with suggested activities to go along with each chapter. It is easier to flip back and forth in a real book. My only complaint is actually that these aren't two separate books so you can have them open side by side but I'm sure it would be fine in paper format.

I have not yet done the child and parents strengths inventory which is really needed to fully implement these suggestions (instructions for how to do these are in the book) but I will be doing those in the next week and look forward to being able to put what I've learned in the book into practice.

This book is a really great practical tool for shifting your parenting to a style that works with your child's strength rather than causing frustration for both parent and child by insisting that they fit into someone else's mold. This will result in happier families and more confident parents AND children and children who know how to find their place in this world and use their unique abilities.

I received a free digital copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are genuinely mine.

[Hayley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book fell into my lap at a moment in my parenting life when the timing could not have been more perfect. With my kids just aging into the season of figuring out their likes and dislikes, interests, and hobbies and most of all their personality traits which makes them uniquely them. As my children are realizing some things make them happier than others; the four of them are all going in separate directions and I want to be able to nuture these individual traits. This book gives tips and insight into doing just that; supporting and cultivating each of them individually isn't always easy, especially when they begin to find activities that my husband and I have not ever be interested in... This book offers so much for parents at all stages. Prepping for parenthood and being proactive or trudging through the deep tough stuff. I was offered an advanced ebook at just the moment when I could use it actively and go back to the chapters often. I've already suggested it to others and will continue to do that in the coming days; and most importantly keep it for myself - into my next stages of parenting and then grandparenting.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a parent, you often parent your children how YOU were parented. Over the years, I've discovered just how important it is to observe your children, and tailor your approach. Each child is totally different! What worked for my son most certainly did not work for my daughter.

When I was provided the opportunity to read this book prior to its release, I jumped all over it! This book provides real life examples on what worked for their family. You can easily see how to put these methods to work in your own parenting.

I definitely recommend this book, and am so thankful to the Millers for writing it!

*I did receive a digital ARC in exchange for a review from the publisher* but I will absolutely be purchasing this book!

[Michelle Castaneda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Play to Their Strengths by Brandon and Analyn Miller is such a refreshing parenting book. So much of parenting consists of correcting and it feels like all you do is point out their weaknesses. This book directs you to step back and take a look at your relationship with your children in a different way. Like other relationships, you need to look for commonalities and take time to keep observing your child and how their strengths develop over time. As parents, we can encourage our children in their strengths and help them further develop them. I absolutely love this book and highly recommend it. I received a digital copy of this book from the author with no obligations. These opinions are entirely my own.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

The authors of this book give such great, tangible advice to the readers. If you are a parent who gets frustrated with your child and their "fitting in" to mainstream achievements or want to know how to relate, challenge, encourage each child individually, then this is the book for you.

It has awesome advice on finding the things that make your child's eyes shine. I love the end of the chapter prompts that would be great for discussion or just journaling privately.

This book would be great for parents to read together, in a small group or as a parent just trying to figure out what's best for your child and their growth.

I was given an ARC.

[Kathie Gautille · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our children are fearfully, wonderfully made by God -- but let's be honest, a child can be a challenge at times to parents. Play to Their Strengths is a fantastic parenting book with stories that will make you laugh, make you cry, give you "ah-ha" moments to parenting. Brandon and Analyn Miller don't leave you hanging, they have included a fantastic playbook that will equip parents with practical plans to turn into actionable items. Any parent interested in helping their children grow into their God-given gifts needs to read this book!

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a digital copy for review from the publisher.

This book is definitely written to a Christian audience. I found their strengths-based approach to parenting refreshing and encouraging. I had my 12 year old take the quiz to determine her strengths and we laughed over how accurate the results were. It helped me reframe that sometimes the things we butt heads over is definitely a strength of hers in the making. I took the strengths quiz for parents and felt encouraged by it. It’s nice to focus on what I naturally good at as a parent and how to maximize that instead of what I usually do: only focus on areas that are difficult for me.