Detoured: The Messy, Grace-Filled Journey from Working Professional to Stay-at-Home Mom

by Jen Babakhan

Does having it all even exist?

Former marketing executive turned third-grade teacher, Jen Babakhan never expected her transition to stay-at-home mom would bring feelings of grief and loss. She felt God was calling her to be home with her newborn son, and she wanted to be with him—yet she felt conflicted about giving up her career.

Detoured chronicles the often-bumpy path Jen took to contentment and peace in her new role at home.  She honestly shares the struggles and joys of being home, and the truth she uncovered about “having it all.”  She invites you to walk beside her on this journey and Stay-at-home motherhood isn’t easy—but it can be the most beautiful detour you ever take.  

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

208 pages, Paperback

Published July 9, 2019

Reviews

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life transitions can be difficult, even if for the best. Journeying into the unknown and saying goodbye to things that once were is never easy. Jen Babakhan has graciously offered us insight to the transition from working professional to stay-at-home mom, making this life transition a little easier to get through. She draws upon her own experiences, not shying away from the challenges and doubt that come from giving up a career for a life of 24/7 child rearing.

I picked up the book after making the decision to leave work to stay home with my four-month-old daughter. I'd always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but also enjoyed my banking career of 11 years. When the time came to make the decision to stay home, I struggled, even though I felt God had showed me why this decision was best for our family. As I read Detoured, I found myself relating to Babakhan in many ways. Throughout the book, she offers helpful advice for those choosing to stay at home as well as good reminders of who we are in Christ. The book is one of personal experience, not of research, making it easy to read and relatable. She offers thought provoking reflection questions at the end of each chapter as well as a guided prayer. At times, I did get lost in the timeline of her life events, as they didn't seem to be portrayed chronologically. However, that did not take away from the messages in the book.

I would recommend Detoured for any mom or to-be mom wanting, but wrestling, with the decision to stay home with her kids.

[Lori Quillen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Detoured provides a perspective not often considered in our current culture. Babakhan openly and honestly acknowledges the tension between the ability to contribute professionally and the choice (or sometimes lack thereof) to primarily be a stay at home mom for a season. As one who has personally wrestled with the same decision, I found this book to be validating and affirming that there is value both in my contributions to my family as well as professionally.

Babakhan states, “It is vital—vital—that you find something for yourself that you are passionate about, you excel at, you can fit into your day, and you do just for you. You need it. Your family needs you to have it, so take the time to find it…I’m talking about reigniting the flame placed in your soul by God. I’m talking about falling in love with your life again—and your role in it.”

There have been many times over the last several years that I have struggled with pursuing my passions in the midst of diapers, dishes, and toddler drama. It’s taken me a long time be okay with wearing multiple hats and seeking the best of both worlds. Thank you Jen for putting permission in writing!

[Tricia Mcwilliams · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Refreshing View of Motherhood"

I love the authenticity with which this author wrote about motherhood. She doesn't promise it's a rose garden. But she does give many examples of the joys it has been for her family. Along with the trails they've faced.

She reminds women that each family is different. What may work for one family may not for another. She reminds mother's whether they're a stay at home mother or work outside the home mother encouragement and support is best shown to all. Motherhood is not a one size fits all competition.

While this book deals with the joys and trials of motherhood, it's also a good reminder that we can be 'Detoured' at any time. But God will still be with us as He walks us along the plan He has us on.

I received an advance readers copy of this book. This review is my honest opinion of it.  I'd recommend this book especially, if you're looking for a refreshing view of motherhood.

[Ashley Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

First of all, this book is so practical. It’s chopped up into PERFECT little sections. As a stay at home, I only have about 5 minutes max to read at a time and I’m able to finish a subtitle section in that span and can take away something, feeling just refreshed enough to make it to my next 5 minute window.
She also covers literally everything there is about staying home. Even things that I didn’t even know where an issue for me. But as I read on it was very clear that my emotions and my struggles were rooted in some of these things that are discussed. It was very eye opening. But there was so much love in it. I knew I wasn’t alone, I felt no shame. If anything this book takes the shame off 🙌🏻. Whatever season you’re in this book will help in some way or another.

[Kelli Randell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jen Babakhan decided to become a stay at home mom and suddenly realized that the life she chose wasn’t what she thought it might be. Struggling with a loss of identity and external validation through career success, she uses her relationship with God to help recenter her focus on being a stay at home mother. Each chapter delineates a different aspect to helping her find acceptance and gratefulness in her role as mother.

While there is a heavy focus on religion and using her Christian beliefs/relationship with God toward finding fulfillment as a mother, I think the book does work for those who aren’t as oriented. I found many of her pointers, such as making time for yourself and a hobby you enjoy, important to remember and inspirational. The book doesn’t come across as condescending and is easy to read.

Recommend it for those struggling in a transition from being career focused to now dealing with the monotony and thanklessness of being a stay at home mother.

[JoAnna · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is the overly angst-ridden tale of Jen's struggle to find peace in her decision to stay at home instead of returning to the workforce. Overly preachy and more sermon than memoir, most of the book was filled with the author's excessive agonizing over all the regular stressors of staying at home to care for young children. Her lessons for others are not rocket sciences: find time for yourself, find time for God, and be proactive about building a network of supportive friendship. The book falls flat in the same way as Lara Casey's "Make It Happen" - Babakhan spends too much time sermonizing and not nearly enough time weaving her personal story into a coherent narrative. The acceptance she finds towards the end of the book seems to come out of nowhere - how her attitude actually transformed other than by Jesus bopping her on the head is a mystery that isn't in the text. Her notes on nurturing personal passions are so much better explored by titles such as Jen Fulwiler's "One Beautiful Dream." If you're currently struggling with a decision to stay home instead of work, this book may resonate with you, but if you are looking for a confident account of someone owning their choice to stay home and creatively using their professional skills in new ways, you'll be sorely disappointed.

As an aside, I really wish publishers (and authors) would get over the current trend of putting discussion/reflection questions at the end of every chapter in these kind of books. They seem to be everywhere these days and are extremely distracting! They just remind me of tiresome middle school literature textbooks and seem to be designed for book clubs where no one actually reads the assigned books and just shows up to talk. They detract from the reading experience. Adult readers have brains-they don't need discussion prompts for a slim paperback that can easily be read in one or two sittings.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has changed me and touched my conflicted heart.

I left a career of 20 years to stay home with my son as a first time mom at 41. Mostly it was by choice, but there were also some medical issues involved. I will never regret the decision to stay home, but I have had struggles surface that were not anticipated. I went from being a confident career woman in tech, able to handle stressful deadlines and situations, to feeling painfully isolated and anxious about not being good enough at motherhood. I had waited so long for a baby and a family. I was extremely blessed to have the gift of being at home. Why was I having such a hard time with this new life? Why was I feeling lonely? Why was it so hard to let go of a career I didn't even like anymore? So much guilt surfaced. Was leaving work and the income that came with it a horrible and selfish mistake?? It didn’t help that I kept hearing that because I was older and used to a different lifestyle I didn't have the same patience or energy as a younger mom (which also kept me from reaching out to other community moms because I didn't think I’d be accepted or fit in). Was I too old to be a good mom?

Thank goodness that I have such loving support from my husband! HE was actually the one who connected me with the Jen Babakhan’s writings and insisted I read an article he had found from her (he also pre-ordered the Detoured book for me!). He needed me to know how special I was and how much he recognized that this shift in my life was not easy. He could see that I was suffering with feelings of isolation, doubt and guilt. He also knew I needed to connect with another mom who understood these feelings for this all to really sink in. The Detoured book, with Jen’s raw and truthful experiences within it, became the key I needed to believe that I was not alone in this journey. She gets it, really gets it.

My son is now 3 and heading into preschool. Big shifts are happening and once again, emotions are on the upswing. Who am I now? What worth do I have to employers given I have been a stay at home mom for the last 3 years? What do I contribute now that my son will not be home all day? As I attempt transition back to working again, I am beginning to address these new questions. This time I have Detoured, the available extended guide and the other moms I have met through reading it. Detoured reminds me that “My work is NOT my worth” and I need to show myself some grace. I was given this new life because God knew I could do it, he wanted me to be a mom and to experience love on a whole new level.

My wish is to get this book in the hands of as many new moms, dads, caregivers and their supporting family and friends as possible. Moms (or other caregivers) will find comfort in its relatable content. Family and friends of moms will better recognize and understand the feelings being experienced and therefore be able to offer better support.

I wish I had a book like this from the very beginning, but it is a gift I am grateful for even now.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’re a stay-at-home mom who has ever struggled with the decision to stay home, or if you’re a soon to be mother deciding if leaving your career to stay home with your baby is the right choice for you, don’t miss Detoured: the Messy, Grace-filled Journey from Working Professional to Stay-At-Home Mom by Jen Babakhan.

Part memoir, part devotional, Detoured tells the story of Jen’s reluctant decision to leave a successful and fulfilling career as a third-grade teacher to become a stay-at-home mom to her newborn son. Each chapter begins with a relatable, personal story about the struggles Jen faced in her new role as a stay-at-home mom from changing relationships with friends and co-workers to roles and responsibilities inside the home and ends with reflection questions and a prayer.

Detoured reveals how God can take the mundane and make it holy, and help a struggling stay-at-home mom find fulfillment and self-worth not in a professional career or role as a mother, but in Christ alone.

Jen’s down-to-earth conversational style of writing draws the reader in and makes you feel as though you’re having coffee and sharing struggles with a dear friend. With her words of encouragement, wisdom, and humor, she provides just the right amount of encouragement and inspiration to help any reader feel understood and hopeful.

As a stay-at-home mother of 3, this book helped me feel less alone in the often-lonely experience of motherhood. Many times while reading I felt Jen was speaking right to me and knew just how I was feeling. I loved reading this book, and I know that anyone who is struggling with life as a stay-at-home mom will benefit from this book!

Full discloser: I received an advanced readers copy of this book. This is my honest review.

[Kirsten · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really needed this book right now, even if I did have to read it while my child randomly crawled on to my back or started drooling on my arm or stole my pencil to "help" me underline passages. I couldn't help laughing (or rolling my eyes) sometimes at how appropriate it was to be reading this book while so fully in the insanity of being a stay-at-home mom. Unlike the author, I was toward the beginning of what could have been a career when I decided to stay home, but I still definitely feel that loss - I loved teaching college students and developing course materials, and sometimes staying home feels very stagnant and smothering compared to that rush. And I've been struggling more with decisions around work lately, as my kid gets older and the question of whether it might be time to go back to work at least part-time gets more complicated for me to answer with any clarity. Anyway, I was in the right position to appreciate the encouragement that what I'm doing really is important and worthwhile, and the reminder to revisit and reevaluate the why of my decision to stay home, and the focus on finding and pursuing things that are integral to who I am and who God has called me to be, both within and apart from motherhood. 4.5 stars, rounded down because I would have liked a bit more scriptural grounding, but still an excellent read.

[Jodi Ferris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Detoured was refreshingly honest about the struggles of motherhood, but simultaneously positive - a hard balance to achieve! Although the book is geared toward women leaving the outside-the-home workforce to become stay-at-home-moms, much of the information, insight and advice applies to any life transition where your time with your children will be altered (either direction).

While I am "detoured in reverse" (returning to the workforce after being a SAHM) I find myself reminiscing historically about days gone by, while being reinvigorated to make the most of my time as a full-time mother as those years begin to draw to a close and grandmotherhood begins.

Detoured not only offers inspiration for SAHMs leaving the workforce, but also a reminder that SAHM is not our - not my - identity. Returning to work has led me away from my full-time (plus) blessing as a SAHM, but it has not detoured me away from Christ, and still-at-home-moms who happen to work are as valuable to our children as stay-at-home-moms.

I recommend this book to any happily married mom who is making any kind of life-transition.

[Lindsey Zarob · Rating 5 out of 5]

“It was the beginning of an inner acknowledgment that I could be more than a mother. That it was okay to want other things in addition to motherhood. It was a small step, yet it felt huge. It also felt like a little ray of light began to crack through the walls of the limits I had placed on myself and my ability.” -- Jen Babakhan

The deeper I dove into this book the more gratitude grew in my heart for its message. Too often I succumbed to these thoughts and ideas that by wanting more than what motherhood offered I was selfish and certainly not pursuing the righteous path. Jen has captured the tension that is motherhood so well—the longing to be the best mom we can possibly be and yet not losing our identities in it. To have a faith-filled woman addressing what it’s like to put the career you worked so hard for behind, grieve its loss, and embrace the motherhood has encouraged me deeply. Often as I read I felt like Jen was reading my mail while giving me permission to be all God has designed me to be.

Motherhood hasn’t “come easy” to me, meaning I managed teams well, supported bosses well, and felt I was a pretty good version of myself when I was working. Then the motherhood came and although I wanted these littles, I couldn’t find myself. I felt lost. Jen’s book hits so well on so many of the struggles in motherhood with truth, love, and authenticity. Her practical suggestions on living as a daughter of the King when you may not feel like it are just what this momma needed.

I can’t encourage Mothers in the midst of the madness enough to get this book.

[Suzyqb87 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so thankful Jen wrote this book. This was the book I needed to mentally and spiritually process my potential transition from a career mother to a stay at home mom. Jen‘s writing is easy to follow and uses relatable situations with so much humanity and gentleness. She doesn’t cast aspersions or shame, only shares her experience and relevant Bible teaching. She really captures those little moments and emotions that can influence your whole day and reframes it in a way according to scripture and our relationship to God that is uplifting and real.

I love how she weaves in scripture then at the end of each chapter gives thought provoking questions as well as a brief prayer. It felt like the right pace for me to be able to process this step at a time. It felt like reading the voice of a friend. I am so thankful the Spirit inspired Jen to write this guided wisdom that emerged from her own experience and to share it with all of us.

[Ashley Kelton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Detoured: The Messy, Grace-Filled Journey from Working Professional to Stay-at-Home Mom by Jen Babakhan was a timely encouragement! Jen breathes life into the struggles of moms adjusting to being home full time. Her relatable story provides mothers with practical tools to find value in motherhood and rely on God through all the changes. She discusses the realities of the struggle to make the decision to be a stay at home mom. She boldly discusses the feelings of insecurity that sometimes taunts mothers who do choose to stay home. Jen shines light on the blessings that are found in staying home full-time and reminds us that while motherhood may be draining, it can also be the most fulfilling job to undertake. When I began reading this book, I was not a full-time stay at home mom. However, after reading her story, I have found the courage to make some changes in my own life and be a dedicated stay at home mother. I highly recommend this book! It will be a blessing to your life!

[Erika Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought I was the only one who loved their career and loved their kids and was torn by the choice to stay home. Nope.
Detoured brought me into the conversation of acknowledging the struggle and the grief and the joy and the love and the same God-breathed identity no matter what you do. It gave me a community of women to rally with and help me believe in my heart what my head had always known: staying at home with the three little people I bore is life-giving for generations. And it gave me hope that one day soon the consistent pull to be anything else than with my kids will be in the rearview mirror.
I wish I had this book five years ago!

[Char · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a breath of fresh air! I can relate on so many levels, and I'm not a stay at home mom. As a mom who constantly struggles with balancing work, kids, home life, and everything else thrown at me, this was a book I could read and nod my head in agreement with many of the sentiments in here. It felt as if I were sitting down with a cup of coffee and having a conversation with a great friend (and I happen to be good friends with the author!). I think any mom (heck, any parent or grandparent) would benefit from reading this book, regardless if you work at home, outside the home, have new babies, grown babies or care for someone else's babies. Well written!!

[Shauna Letellier · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you've wrestled with your importance, or feeling useless to the world as you care for your own kids at home, Jen's writing will be a balm. It's full of honest encouragement about where your worth and acceptance are truly found. Her account of wrestling with her beloved career and her desire to be home with her beloved children is familiar and non-judgmental.
This is not a manual on whether or not to take the detour from career to stay-at-home mom, but a validating guide for those who've done so-recently or many years ago.

Very thankful for this resource for moms.

[Heidi Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must-have for new, Christian Moms and the not-so-new-ones too! It is a beautifully-illustrated and honest look at the HUGE transition that comes with the birth of our babies (especially the first). Jen bravely shares the struggles of her heart that, I believe, every mom experiences but few talk about because of the shame (and guilt) we feel for not enjoying every. single. minute. So...
Need a hug? Detoured
Need encouragement? Detoured
Need a laugh? Detoured
Need to strengthen your faith? Detoured
This book has it all!

[Sherri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Detoured was a joy to read!

It’s funny and inviting, like having a friend over for a cup of coffee. Not only does Jen describe her unpredictable journey from full-time teacher to full-time mom, but she also gives a detailed guide for finding God’s love and provision in the chaos of life. She shares her heart for Jesus and living life in an authentic and engaging way.

As a mom, I absolutely loved her ability to draw me in and speak to my heart! No matter what stage of the mothering journey you are on, this book will help you find perspective and balance.

[Sarah C. Martins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Detoured, from the start gives voice and validation to the thoughts that have been running through my head since I was reorganized out of a job I enjoyed and the opportunity for growth that came with it nearly 10 years ago. while it's written from the perspective of stay at home mom anyone whose life has switched gears can relate to the fears, uncertainty the comes with life altering changes we either chose willingly or as in my case happened for me. An easy read, each chapter has a valuable take away that one can relate to or reveals a never thought of perspective.

[April Kolman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been like chatting with an old friend about the ups and downs of SAHM life. I never thought I’d struggle with leaving a career- I always knew I wanted to stay home with kids... but then teaching found me and and I found myself struuuuug-gling as I felt torn between two worlds I loved, and only one that sang my praises and showed appreciation for what I did (hint: it wasn’t my young kids). Jen’s words echo my heart back to me, like all the best books do.

If you are a SAHM who has struggled in any way with that choice, Detoured is a wonderful, life-giving read.

[Katie Jimenez · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was pleasantly surprised about this book. It has been so helpful acknowledging and explaining all the changes that happen from working full time to being a stay at home mom. I thought I knew and was ready but there is so much change that happens in a short amount of time that touches on your identity to its core. This book is a great reminder that our identity is not found in what we do but who we are in Christ. I would recommend this book to any woman making the decision to be a stay at home mom.

[Shannon Rattai · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot say enough good things about this book. Every page had me nodding in agreement. There were so many stories that struck a cord with me. I was there. I felt those feelings. I wondered if I was the only one. This book showed me that this journey of motherhood is not one of being a "lone ranger"... but of community. There is support. This is hope. If you have every felt like you are alone, I encourage you to read this book.

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book feels like a hug. Jen openly and vulnerably shares her transition from working spouse to stay at home mom and all the feelings that arise from that. From struggling to make new friends to finding true worth in her new chosen path, she talks about what so many mothers sweep under the rug. This book will validate and encourage you, it will make you laugh and may even make you cry. Wholeheartedly recommended!

[Ashley Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book had been released a year and a half ago!

Jen's words had me finally feeling like I wasn't alone in my thoughts of being torn about staying home with my children. She pours her heart out in a way that I think new stay-at-home moms need. She reminds us that through all the laundry and chaos, that God still sees us when we often feel invisible during this season of life.

A must read for any mom who left a career, especially one she loved, to stay home with her children!

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Detoured: The Messy, Grace-Filled Journey from Working Professional to Stay-at-Home Mom is the perfect book for any mom making this transition. Jen is upfront and honest about the difficulties of the transition but gives hope as she shares how moms can juggle transitioning to staying at home without losing who they are. I would recommend Detoured to any mom making the transition to being a stay-at-home mom.

[Alissa Coburn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book speaks directly to my heart. Our society tells us it's what we DO that gives us value, but sometimes it takes life's detours to show us our value is in who we ARE. Jen's writing style is clean, humorous, and 100% relatable. If you've ever been a stay-at-home mom, you HAVE to read this book.

[Melissa Plantz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not sure I've ever read an author who just "gets" what it is like to transition from a work-outside-the-home Mom to a stay-at-home Mom, but Jen Babakhan hit the nail on the head in DETOURED. It's so easy to forget that what we do is important to not only our family, but to God in this season.
Childhood passes quickly. Hang in there, stay-at-home Mommas! God sees it all.

[Michelle Strobel Walton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a MUST for moms. Stay at home moms, working moms, moms who are struggling, moms who think they've got it all handled. The author has really touched a part of my heart that has been broken for a long time. Words can't describe how much I have needed to hear the message the author portrays. I can't recommend this book enough!

[Amanda Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kicking off my Journey to being a stay at home mom starting in June and this book was a nice Segway into developing my purpose outside of my career and what I’ve known for the last 17 years. Just starting to dive in to this world and making sure I find fulfillment in personal growth alongside taking care of my kids. I felt this was a great starter book for that journey.

[Jessica Geist · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some might not like Babakhan's bent towards mothers taking time for themselves. But she grounds it in more than self care. She encourages women to remember their giftings and talents and to seek how God would want them used in the season of motherhood. The chapter of grieving our work identity was helpful