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Honestly Adoption: Answers to 101 Questions About Adoption and Foster Care
Discover What Adoption and Foster Care Really Look Like
If you are considering adoption or foster care or are already somewhere in this difficult and complicated process, you need trusted information from people who have been where you are.
Mike and Kristin Berry have adopted eight children and cared for another 23 kids in their nine-year stint as foster parents. They aren’t just experts. They have experienced every emotional high and low and encountered virtually every situation imaginable as parents. Now, they want to share what they’ve learned with you.
Get the answers you need to the following questions, and many
Should I foster parent or adopt? How do I know?
What is the first step in becoming an adoptive or foster parent?
What are the benefits of an open versus closed adoption?
How and when do I tell my child that he or she is adopted?
How do I help my child embrace his or her cultural and racial identity?
Honestly Adoption will provide you with practical, down-to-earth advice to make good decisions in your own adoption and foster parenting journey and give you the help and hope you need.
If you are considering adoption or foster care or are already somewhere in this difficult and complicated process, you need trusted information from people who have been where you are.
Mike and Kristin Berry have adopted eight children and cared for another 23 kids in their nine-year stint as foster parents. They aren’t just experts. They have experienced every emotional high and low and encountered virtually every situation imaginable as parents. Now, they want to share what they’ve learned with you.
Get the answers you need to the following questions, and many
Should I foster parent or adopt? How do I know?
What is the first step in becoming an adoptive or foster parent?
What are the benefits of an open versus closed adoption?
How and when do I tell my child that he or she is adopted?
How do I help my child embrace his or her cultural and racial identity?
Honestly Adoption will provide you with practical, down-to-earth advice to make good decisions in your own adoption and foster parenting journey and give you the help and hope you need.
208 pages, Paperback
Published August 6, 2019
47 people are currently reading
334 people want to read
About the author
Mike Berry
63 books18 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
August 5, 2019
I read this book as a continuing education resource as a CASA (court appointed special advocate) for children in foster care. I was thrilled to find something written by parents of foster and adopted children and also with a Christian worldview. This book was chalk-full of advice on all manner of subjects that pertain to parenting in general, as well as specific to parenting children with trauma. In some instances, they gave very specific examples, other items had no examples or the example didn't finish to give an indication of how the issue was fully resolved, but that was my only complaint. I suppose if they would have given examples for everything, the book would have been ridiculously long! Regardless, I would strongly recommend this book to any parents who are struggling with a difficult child as well as specifically to parents who are fostering or have adopted. A great deal of practical advice in parenting well, being consistent in your plans, staying calm, advocating for your child and preventing the shame that often comes with the consequences of trauma. An excellent resource!
Special thanks to NetGalley for an advanced ecopy of this book. I was not obligated to write a review and all of the thoughts contained herein are my own.
Special thanks to NetGalley for an advanced ecopy of this book. I was not obligated to write a review and all of the thoughts contained herein are my own.
February 22, 2021
21st book of 2021: Trauma and Children
“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
Adoption is a leap of faith of a different order. With biological children, parents have control over many circumstances, especially in-utero and in early childhood. Even if adopted at birth, adopted children face the inevitable trauma that must be processed. When adopting kids that come from the foster system, parental control is further diminished. The Berrys insist that while it’s critical to be as honest as possible with adopted children, they shy away from the specifics of their own stories. Still, their advice hints at the tribulation adoptions, especially later in life can bring: have locking doors in the house to keep kids apart, safety plans to protect kids from potentially violent biological family, and be ready for litigation at any point. Throughout the book their advice veers back towards honesty with the children, empathy for the struggles they face, and drawing clear and consistent boundaries for acceptable behavior. That advice is useful anywhere, not just the trial-by-fire that caring for 23 kids can bring.
“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
Adoption is a leap of faith of a different order. With biological children, parents have control over many circumstances, especially in-utero and in early childhood. Even if adopted at birth, adopted children face the inevitable trauma that must be processed. When adopting kids that come from the foster system, parental control is further diminished. The Berrys insist that while it’s critical to be as honest as possible with adopted children, they shy away from the specifics of their own stories. Still, their advice hints at the tribulation adoptions, especially later in life can bring: have locking doors in the house to keep kids apart, safety plans to protect kids from potentially violent biological family, and be ready for litigation at any point. Throughout the book their advice veers back towards honesty with the children, empathy for the struggles they face, and drawing clear and consistent boundaries for acceptable behavior. That advice is useful anywhere, not just the trial-by-fire that caring for 23 kids can bring.
January 23, 2020
*received from netgalley for free for honest review* My husband and I have been seriously considering adoption and this was a really great book, plan on buying a copy of this book because my husband wants to read it as well!
August 2, 2019
As an adoptee myself,I found this book very interesting.It is a great introduction and help for anyone who is interested in adoption and/or fostering.
The authors respond to 101 questions about adoptions and fostering.
The couple has been married for 20 years and they are parents of eight adopted children.They were also foster parents of 23 children over the course of 17 years.
The book is divided in four chapters:adoption,adoption relationships,attachment parenting and empowering children.
As an adoptee,it was great for me to see things in a different perspective.The authors believe that communication,honesty and trust are essential in order to build and maintain the relationship.
Clearly one book can not be exhaustive as every adoption/forster case is different,however I believe that it represents a great way to start the discussion and spread knowledge.
Thanks to NetGalley and to the publisher for the ARC in exchange of an honest review.
The authors respond to 101 questions about adoptions and fostering.
The couple has been married for 20 years and they are parents of eight adopted children.They were also foster parents of 23 children over the course of 17 years.
The book is divided in four chapters:adoption,adoption relationships,attachment parenting and empowering children.
As an adoptee,it was great for me to see things in a different perspective.The authors believe that communication,honesty and trust are essential in order to build and maintain the relationship.
Clearly one book can not be exhaustive as every adoption/forster case is different,however I believe that it represents a great way to start the discussion and spread knowledge.
Thanks to NetGalley and to the publisher for the ARC in exchange of an honest review.
October 16, 2025
I picked up this book because I've always had an interest in adoption and fostering in the future. Unfortunately, this book doesn't really dive into the process of how the system works, which is what I expected. However, it does give a lot of insight as to what you can expect in what is expected of you in your role as an adoptive or foster parent. It also provides valuable insight into parenting kids that have been exposed to trauma. Before reading this book, I don't think I fully understood the amount of love and labor that goes into raising these kids, as well as the logistics of having to coordinate with the authorities and the biological family.
I think the authors viewpoint on the challenges of raising foster/adopted children always came from a place of compassion, which I really appreciated. I also liked how they did their best to respect the privacy of their children. Reading this book has made me seriously think about whether this is the right path for me.
I think the authors viewpoint on the challenges of raising foster/adopted children always came from a place of compassion, which I really appreciated. I also liked how they did their best to respect the privacy of their children. Reading this book has made me seriously think about whether this is the right path for me.
March 28, 2020
I’m not well versed in the topic of adoption, but I believe this was an excellent place to start! While this book doesn’t address much of the legal logistics, it does address a plethora of thoughts about the mental, physical, and emotional aspects of adoption. Well laid out and easy to navigate back to a specific question!
October 10, 2023
As someone who just got their foster care licensure approved, I really appreciated this book. The advice that was provided was actionable and clearly stated.
I kind of wish this book was required reading for the licensure process, because I think everyone would benefit. The two slight complaints that I have are that I wish they wouldn’t put so much emphasis on their son’s diagnosis of FASD - I felt like at times it overshadowed his personhood (though I understand to some degree why they do this) and I wish the small sections that bring up sex / intimacy would have a more sex positive lean to them.
One of the biggest take aways that I have from this book that I didn’t think of before is that it’s important to gather details if you can about birth parents - even trivial details like mom’s favorite color or favorite food can be small pieces of information that a person holds onto forever. This was repeated at the end where they got input from children who had gone through the foster and / or adoptive process. Some of the things that they reported worrying or thinking about were really eye opening. One kid said that he didn’t feel the need to have a relationship with his parents, but at night he sometimes wonders what they’re dreaming about. Another kid had questions that she wished she could ask her first mom about - like what time she gave birth to her - and she was worried to ask because she was scared she wouldn’t remember. What would it mean if she found out this detail was lost? This devastated me. You can see why that connection to first / birth families is so crucial to establish if it’s possible.
I’m grateful this book exists. I’ll be a better parent because of it. Five stars.
👨👩👧👦👨👩👦👨👩👧👨👩👧👦👨👩👦
I kind of wish this book was required reading for the licensure process, because I think everyone would benefit. The two slight complaints that I have are that I wish they wouldn’t put so much emphasis on their son’s diagnosis of FASD - I felt like at times it overshadowed his personhood (though I understand to some degree why they do this) and I wish the small sections that bring up sex / intimacy would have a more sex positive lean to them.
One of the biggest take aways that I have from this book that I didn’t think of before is that it’s important to gather details if you can about birth parents - even trivial details like mom’s favorite color or favorite food can be small pieces of information that a person holds onto forever. This was repeated at the end where they got input from children who had gone through the foster and / or adoptive process. Some of the things that they reported worrying or thinking about were really eye opening. One kid said that he didn’t feel the need to have a relationship with his parents, but at night he sometimes wonders what they’re dreaming about. Another kid had questions that she wished she could ask her first mom about - like what time she gave birth to her - and she was worried to ask because she was scared she wouldn’t remember. What would it mean if she found out this detail was lost? This devastated me. You can see why that connection to first / birth families is so crucial to establish if it’s possible.
I’m grateful this book exists. I’ll be a better parent because of it. Five stars.
👨👩👧👦👨👩👦👨👩👧👨👩👧👦👨👩👦
May 5, 2022
Honestly Adoption
5/5 stars
Because of circumstances that I wasn’t expecting I’ve been looking into adopting sometime soon. Either way I’ve always wanted to adopt since I was little. I wanted some insight and information so of course me being me I wanted a book on the subject and this was the only one we had in my store. I wasn’t sure about this title at first am because it’s from the religion section and being an atheist I didn’t want it to just be extremely preachy. That was not the cause though. This covered so much on how to be sensitive to your children’s trauma when they enter your home and how to be compassionate and see to their needs, while still having structure and boundaries. The importance of letting your kids take the reigns on their relationship with their birth family if possible and safe was also insightful.
This couple has many books and a podcast on fostering and adopting with 8 adopted kids and having fostered 23. While this is clearly biased to their more conservative way of life, they really know their stuff. They have this set up in easy to navigate sections and truly mastered understanding your child’s social cues and putting them first. Would recommend for anyone who has considering adopting or fostering and I know I will consult and reread this again and again. My copy is tabbed with notes scribbled throughout.
5/5 stars
Because of circumstances that I wasn’t expecting I’ve been looking into adopting sometime soon. Either way I’ve always wanted to adopt since I was little. I wanted some insight and information so of course me being me I wanted a book on the subject and this was the only one we had in my store. I wasn’t sure about this title at first am because it’s from the religion section and being an atheist I didn’t want it to just be extremely preachy. That was not the cause though. This covered so much on how to be sensitive to your children’s trauma when they enter your home and how to be compassionate and see to their needs, while still having structure and boundaries. The importance of letting your kids take the reigns on their relationship with their birth family if possible and safe was also insightful.
This couple has many books and a podcast on fostering and adopting with 8 adopted kids and having fostered 23. While this is clearly biased to their more conservative way of life, they really know their stuff. They have this set up in easy to navigate sections and truly mastered understanding your child’s social cues and putting them first. Would recommend for anyone who has considering adopting or fostering and I know I will consult and reread this again and again. My copy is tabbed with notes scribbled throughout.
December 15, 2021
This book answers so many questions one needs to consider before starting the adoption or foster process. Some of it felt like common sense but I can see why putting it into words can be so important. Sometimes parents can forget that their children are tiny people with a lot of feelings and opinions that need to be heard. I really enjoyed this book but full disclusure this is written from the perspective of very Christian parents so if that's not your thing this may not be the right book for you. However I am Wiccan and still enjoyed this book, I got a lot of useful information out of it. I'll definitly be reading their other books.
August 14, 2022
I'm not in a place where I'm personally adopting but I know those who are or are considering it. As with any topic, I think reading up on the subject, even if we think we know the basics, is a great eay to be more informed and to be more considerate during conversations surrounding the topic.
I picked this up on a whim from my library and I was pleasantly surprised. I liked the Q&A format and definitely learned a lot. I did think that some of the questions were repetitive so it could have been less than 101. There was a Christian element to it as the authors are Christian; however, I think non-Christians would still find something of value in the book as it wasn't the main focus.
I picked this up on a whim from my library and I was pleasantly surprised. I liked the Q&A format and definitely learned a lot. I did think that some of the questions were repetitive so it could have been less than 101. There was a Christian element to it as the authors are Christian; however, I think non-Christians would still find something of value in the book as it wasn't the main focus.
September 5, 2019
As an adoptive mother, as well as an open adoption advocate, I thought I'd skim the book and give a review. However, it was a fantastic read!
It is a wonderful Christian primer on fostering children and adoption. I can't say enough good about the book. Mike and Kristin Berry give great examples from a vast treasure of experience and knowledge. Their writing style is so warm and wise, and they seem like the kind of family that I'd very much want to meet!
I am grateful to the publisher and NetGalley for an ARC for this my honest review.
It is a wonderful Christian primer on fostering children and adoption. I can't say enough good about the book. Mike and Kristin Berry give great examples from a vast treasure of experience and knowledge. Their writing style is so warm and wise, and they seem like the kind of family that I'd very much want to meet!
I am grateful to the publisher and NetGalley for an ARC for this my honest review.
March 5, 2023
Sinceritate și deschidere.
Multe idei interesante despre parenting și viata de familie care pot fi aplicate în orice context.
Autorii sunt părinții a 8 copii adoptați + timp de mulți ani au avut și copii în plasament.
Cartea aceasta oferă un insight foarte bun în viata familiilor formate prin adopție, cu multe lucruri pe care nu ai fi avut cum sa ți le imaginezi, dacă nu ai avut contact direct cu asta pana acum.
Multe idei interesante despre parenting și viata de familie care pot fi aplicate în orice context.
Autorii sunt părinții a 8 copii adoptați + timp de mulți ani au avut și copii în plasament.
Cartea aceasta oferă un insight foarte bun în viata familiilor formate prin adopție, cu multe lucruri pe care nu ai fi avut cum sa ți le imaginezi, dacă nu ai avut contact direct cu asta pana acum.
March 31, 2025
Definitely a great read but mostly for people right about to adopt or currently parenting. For those considering it for the not near (<1 year) future, the context of the book is harder to appreciate. The book gives very practical advice but it’s difficult to grasp everything when you’re not a parent. I thought the book would be written more towards people outside of adoption as a lense into the experience.
September 25, 2019
As an adoptive mom, I didn’t agree with everything in this book, but most of it was great and very encouraging. I especially appreciated their sensible (and non-traditional) take on birth order and adoption name changes. My favorite tip was about “not giving children the opportunity to lie”. Awesome intro book for those entering the foster/adoption world!
July 12, 2020
I bought this book to help me gain a more realistic idea of what it's like to adopt. I found the information helpful and honest. Due to the breadth, most of the topics didn't go very in-depth. But it seems it would be a great starting point for someone looking for some help with situations unique to adoption and foster care.
October 19, 2021
Mike and Kristin speak words of wisdom from seasoned experience. I highly recommend this book to foster parents and anyone who wants to support foster families. Even experienced parents can learn from this book.
If you are looking for another Christian book written from experience, check out Breathing through Foster Care: A Survival Guide Based on the Reflection of a Foster Mom.
If you are looking for another Christian book written from experience, check out Breathing through Foster Care: A Survival Guide Based on the Reflection of a Foster Mom.
December 29, 2019
This is the mother of all books adoption and foster care. It answered so many questions I had and so many questions I had never thought of. It is the perfect book for any foster and adoptive parents or anyone interested in foster care or adoption. It’s wonderful.
February 25, 2021
Excellently written. I love that it is formated in a Q&A layout, which will make it easy to reference as we go through the adoption process. I highly recommend this for someone considering and/or going through the foster or adoption process.
September 21, 2019
Absolutely amazing book for anyone who has adopted or fostered or his considering doing either. Very enlightening and real !!!!!
February 17, 2020
What an amazingly honest book full of helpful tips! Thank you so much!
April 18, 2020
This is a must read before considering foster care.
November 27, 2020
Very informational, honest, helpful, and genuine book.
April 24, 2021
This book helped me see the bigger picture of fostering. It has given me insight on how to respect and interact with my foster child's birth family when possible.
November 5, 2021
Really really good!
June 15, 2022
This book actually inspired me to pursue becoming a foster family - truly inspirational.
January 23, 2023
A little bit religious for my taste, but nevertheless a great hand book for adoptive and foster families.
August 29, 2023
3 stars for infant adoption.
4 stars for fostering/fostering to adopt.
4 stars for fostering/fostering to adopt.
June 21, 2024
A lot of good information in this book. This would be a good one to have on the shlef as a reference book if someone was in the the adoption or fostering domain.
April 25, 2021
Includes quite a bit of generally applicable parenting advice.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews