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Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone
In 1950, only 22% of adults were single. Today, more than 50% of adults are. Though conventional wisdom tells us that living by oneself leads to loneliness and isolation, most solo dwellers, compared with their married counterparts, are more likely to eat out and exercise, sign up for art and music classes, attend public events and lectures, and volunteer. Drawing on over three hundred in-depth interviews with men and women of all ages and every class, Eric Klinenberg reaches some startling conclusions about the seismic impact solo living is having on our culture, business and politics.
288 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 2, 2012
250 people are currently reading
6125 people want to read
About the author
Eric Klinenberg
17 books256 followersEric M. Klinenberg is an American sociologist and a scholar of urban studies, culture, and media. He is currently Helen Gould Shepard Professor in Social Science and Director of the Institute for Public Knowledge at New York University. Klinenberg is best known for his contributions as a public sociologist.
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May 8, 2012
So it's like this: I'm a member of one of the demographic groups Klinenberg focused on while writing Going Solo. I'm a professional, middle class woman in my late twenties with my own apartment, a circle of close friends who are basically family, and the ability to enjoy my own company. I value my privacy and my space and have a strong antipathy towards roommates, so since I can afford to do so without too much stress, I choose to live alone. In summary, I'm the bloody target audience for this book.
I want to clear up a thing or two before I go any further, as a couple other reviewers seem to be a bit confused. This is not a book about dating, it is not a book about people who are single in the relationship sense, and it is not a book about sex, promiscuity, or advocating the "breakdown" of marriage and intimate relationships. This is an unbiased study favoring neither the choice to be single or the choice to be in a long-term committed relationship. Klinenberg indicates multiple times that Going Solo focuses on current culture, specifically people who live alone, and that includes both those in committed relationships and those who are single. The distinction is important and one that should be kept in mind while reading.
A friend in her mid-forties recommended Going Solo to me, and as someone living alone, the book had instant appeal. Once I picked up a copy, I was impressed. Klinenberg starts out strong and keeps the momentum going for the first two-thirds of the book, and his presentation of solo living for those in their twenties through their fifties is solid, well-informed, and even makes it all sound downright exciting while admitting that it is also occasionally difficult. His argument that solo living actual promotes social interaction and civic involvement is convincing, even without my own experience having told me the same thing.
The material is organized loosely by age, youngest to oldest, so the first part resonated most with me. Descriptions of strong social connections, both physical and via technology, acknowledge the rise of networking sights, smart phones, and constant connection, and the suggestion that those going solo are more likely to have an extensive network of friends they rely on for companionship and support are spot on. Expanding my own circle came partly out of necessity: I live alone, and eight months ago had an unexpected and lingering health issue that left me mentally sound and even physically capable but, due to medical restrictions on driving and the occasional recurrence, I spent that time much more dependent on others than I ever wanted. Despite this, I fought to maintain my autonomy by remaining alone in my apartment, and because of distance, I relied on friends more so than family. In one sense I was lucky, as those "friends" who were drama queens, were there because they wanted something, or were not truly invested quickly disappeared, and I was left with those I could depend on and who cared deeply enough to help. (It's the "finding out who your true friends are and then replacing those who aren't" principle. Go discuss it over beers, it's a fun time.) Klinenberg serves up examples much like my own where it's the friends, not the family, who are helping the young soloists through times of trouble and providing all types of support while allowing the person going solo to consider the quality of relationships and surround herself with the most healthy companions. These beginning chapters of Going Solo are an excellent overview of the culture change in the wealthier countries of the world, and as I read through the pages, I became more and more excited.
The second third, while not quite as applicable to my age group, continued to offer a rousing picture of those who continue solo throughout their thirties and into middle age. I remained invested throughout this section, as it seemed like it was offering a view into a pleasant future should I choose to continue on my current path. (Whether or not I will is still up for debate and the book did nothing to change that.)
And then, unfortunately, there's the last part, which focuses on aging alone and the challenges faced by the elderly and isolated. Unnervingly, Klinenberg's message in the remaining few chapters seems to be, "We're all fucked." Unless we're affluent individuals, we will die poor, alone, and completely cut off from the world with no family (because they're heartless, self absorbed individuals) and no friends (because they're all dead). It seems the best we can hope for is terrible care in a nursing home that will kill us faster, thus putting us all out of our misery, and Klinenberg offers very little in the way of plausible alternatives. He's clearly dropping the ball here, as the balanced perspective of earlier chapters is suddenly lost in favor of this bleak outlook. Needless to say, this part was more than a little depressing, acting as it did as a kick in the balls to the rest of the book, which had been truthful but quite encouraging up to that point. I really could have done without that bit, so much so that I wish I hadn't read it and it strongly affected the rating I gave.
Also? Both the final chapter exploring how society needs to change to accommodate the rise in solo living and the book's conclusion read like an extremely boring term paper that goes on far too long for its own good. Unless you're really, really into dry material, skip that part. (No worries here if you chose to stop at the "Aging Alone" chapter, as you've already put the book back on the shelf and haven't missed out on a damn thing.)
A nitpick that another reviewer mentioned that was a pet peeve of my own: what the hell was up with the physical descriptions of each person he interviewed? Lines like that stopped the narrative flow, threw off entire passages, and were completely unnecessary, not to mention they read like bad depictions from fan fiction written by eleven-year-olds. Very bad stylistic decision.
Recommended overall, particularly if you're someone living solo (whether by choice or not) or if you're a cultural studies fan. Not recommended for the bitter, the ultra-conservative, or those who use patronizing moral indignation to explain why they're still alone and unmarried (ignoring, of course, the fact that they've grown bitter and are no longer particularly pleasant to be around).
I want to clear up a thing or two before I go any further, as a couple other reviewers seem to be a bit confused. This is not a book about dating, it is not a book about people who are single in the relationship sense, and it is not a book about sex, promiscuity, or advocating the "breakdown" of marriage and intimate relationships. This is an unbiased study favoring neither the choice to be single or the choice to be in a long-term committed relationship. Klinenberg indicates multiple times that Going Solo focuses on current culture, specifically people who live alone, and that includes both those in committed relationships and those who are single. The distinction is important and one that should be kept in mind while reading.
A friend in her mid-forties recommended Going Solo to me, and as someone living alone, the book had instant appeal. Once I picked up a copy, I was impressed. Klinenberg starts out strong and keeps the momentum going for the first two-thirds of the book, and his presentation of solo living for those in their twenties through their fifties is solid, well-informed, and even makes it all sound downright exciting while admitting that it is also occasionally difficult. His argument that solo living actual promotes social interaction and civic involvement is convincing, even without my own experience having told me the same thing.
The material is organized loosely by age, youngest to oldest, so the first part resonated most with me. Descriptions of strong social connections, both physical and via technology, acknowledge the rise of networking sights, smart phones, and constant connection, and the suggestion that those going solo are more likely to have an extensive network of friends they rely on for companionship and support are spot on. Expanding my own circle came partly out of necessity: I live alone, and eight months ago had an unexpected and lingering health issue that left me mentally sound and even physically capable but, due to medical restrictions on driving and the occasional recurrence, I spent that time much more dependent on others than I ever wanted. Despite this, I fought to maintain my autonomy by remaining alone in my apartment, and because of distance, I relied on friends more so than family. In one sense I was lucky, as those "friends" who were drama queens, were there because they wanted something, or were not truly invested quickly disappeared, and I was left with those I could depend on and who cared deeply enough to help. (It's the "finding out who your true friends are and then replacing those who aren't" principle. Go discuss it over beers, it's a fun time.) Klinenberg serves up examples much like my own where it's the friends, not the family, who are helping the young soloists through times of trouble and providing all types of support while allowing the person going solo to consider the quality of relationships and surround herself with the most healthy companions. These beginning chapters of Going Solo are an excellent overview of the culture change in the wealthier countries of the world, and as I read through the pages, I became more and more excited.
The second third, while not quite as applicable to my age group, continued to offer a rousing picture of those who continue solo throughout their thirties and into middle age. I remained invested throughout this section, as it seemed like it was offering a view into a pleasant future should I choose to continue on my current path. (Whether or not I will is still up for debate and the book did nothing to change that.)
And then, unfortunately, there's the last part, which focuses on aging alone and the challenges faced by the elderly and isolated. Unnervingly, Klinenberg's message in the remaining few chapters seems to be, "We're all fucked." Unless we're affluent individuals, we will die poor, alone, and completely cut off from the world with no family (because they're heartless, self absorbed individuals) and no friends (because they're all dead). It seems the best we can hope for is terrible care in a nursing home that will kill us faster, thus putting us all out of our misery, and Klinenberg offers very little in the way of plausible alternatives. He's clearly dropping the ball here, as the balanced perspective of earlier chapters is suddenly lost in favor of this bleak outlook. Needless to say, this part was more than a little depressing, acting as it did as a kick in the balls to the rest of the book, which had been truthful but quite encouraging up to that point. I really could have done without that bit, so much so that I wish I hadn't read it and it strongly affected the rating I gave.
Also? Both the final chapter exploring how society needs to change to accommodate the rise in solo living and the book's conclusion read like an extremely boring term paper that goes on far too long for its own good. Unless you're really, really into dry material, skip that part. (No worries here if you chose to stop at the "Aging Alone" chapter, as you've already put the book back on the shelf and haven't missed out on a damn thing.)
A nitpick that another reviewer mentioned that was a pet peeve of my own: what the hell was up with the physical descriptions of each person he interviewed? Lines like that stopped the narrative flow, threw off entire passages, and were completely unnecessary, not to mention they read like bad depictions from fan fiction written by eleven-year-olds. Very bad stylistic decision.
Recommended overall, particularly if you're someone living solo (whether by choice or not) or if you're a cultural studies fan. Not recommended for the bitter, the ultra-conservative, or those who use patronizing moral indignation to explain why they're still alone and unmarried (ignoring, of course, the fact that they've grown bitter and are no longer particularly pleasant to be around).
June 21, 2012
I was looking forward to this book enough to buy it, but came away disappointed. To begin with, I did not find it "revelatory," beyond a few statistics early in the text about how prevalent living alone has become in American society, however little it may be reflected in the popular culture. I expected a serious discussion of the policy implications of that fact, but huge swaths of this read like a self-help book, based on interviews usually introduced with text like "Kimberly lives in New York City and works in the film industry; her shoulder-length brown hair frames a pale complexion and a sweet but somewhat sinister smile that conveys her confident and mischievous side." Hard-hitting it is not.
I am a part of the demographic group that seems to enjoy living alone the most (professional divorced women), but this book raises serious questions about whether living alone is good for other kinds of people, particularly seniors and men (who are less good than women at building and maintaining social networks). The author discusses how people in these groups suffer serious inconveniences and problems from living alone, yet still prefer it to living with family members like adult children. This discussion is depressing and offer few solutions. Towards the end, the author begins to discuss new forms of housing that are designed for single people of various ages, which is interesting but doesn't really go anywhere.
There are sort of two books here: an obvious and boring one about how rich young people find it fun to live alone in cities, and a terrifying one about frail old people who live alone (and marriage is no help there, since your spouse may die before you). A book with policy solutions regarding the second theme would be well worth reading. In the meantime, I'll be working on my application for Swedish citizenship.
I am a part of the demographic group that seems to enjoy living alone the most (professional divorced women), but this book raises serious questions about whether living alone is good for other kinds of people, particularly seniors and men (who are less good than women at building and maintaining social networks). The author discusses how people in these groups suffer serious inconveniences and problems from living alone, yet still prefer it to living with family members like adult children. This discussion is depressing and offer few solutions. Towards the end, the author begins to discuss new forms of housing that are designed for single people of various ages, which is interesting but doesn't really go anywhere.
There are sort of two books here: an obvious and boring one about how rich young people find it fun to live alone in cities, and a terrifying one about frail old people who live alone (and marriage is no help there, since your spouse may die before you). A book with policy solutions regarding the second theme would be well worth reading. In the meantime, I'll be working on my application for Swedish citizenship.
January 15, 2016
When Klininberg investigated a wave of heat-related deaths in Chicago, he discovered the majority of them had some sad facts in common: most were men, living alone, without social networks or families to check in on them. One might expect, then, that his book on the exponential increase in single-person households would be dark and depressing. Not a bit of it: while he doesn't shy away from the trend's darker potentials, like the above-mentioned isolated elderly men with no one to comfort them in their last illnesses, he also spends a great deal of space discussing the upsides and enormous positives that have brought us to where we are.
Like: single-person households are more common in wealthier and developed societies, and in societies transitioning to an industrialized or developed model, single-person households quickly increase and approach western levels--so the most basic explanation for this change is that we can afford it. Maybe people will choose to live alone whenever they have the resources to do so.
Like: single-person households are often more engaged, socially and civically, than the vaunted nuclear family, where mom and dad are far too busy and stressed by raising children to turn their attention outwards to the wider society.
Like: in a world of hyper-connected individuals, through social networking and career, many of us choose to live alone to give us some/any solitude and a space to recharge.
Like: while we like to blame western individualism and our disintegrating collective instincts for thsi trend here in North America, in fact the most collective developed nations in the world (aka Scandinavia) also have the highest rate of single-person households, near or over 60%.
As a member of the grey spaces between the traditional nuclear family and the single-person household he writes about (I am a single mom with primary custody of my daughter, so for a few days each week I live here by myself--and the rest of the time I run myself ragged being both mom and dad), I can see what he speaks of in my own life. When my daughter is with me, I indeed have no or little time for friends or activism, and also don't need to grapple with the loneliness that can make single-household living difficult for those without extensive social networks. When she's not here, I get to enjoy that space and solitude, recharge and connect with friends and work on causes dear to me, but I also feel like I accidentally forgot my left arm somewhere.
The book did give me much hope that this rise in single-person households may hold great potential for our societies, more than enough to offset the downsides typically discussed--and that, like it or not, it's here to stay, so maybe we should stop building cities and suburbs primarily for nuclear families.
Good book. Worth a read whether or not you live alone.
Like: single-person households are more common in wealthier and developed societies, and in societies transitioning to an industrialized or developed model, single-person households quickly increase and approach western levels--so the most basic explanation for this change is that we can afford it. Maybe people will choose to live alone whenever they have the resources to do so.
Like: single-person households are often more engaged, socially and civically, than the vaunted nuclear family, where mom and dad are far too busy and stressed by raising children to turn their attention outwards to the wider society.
Like: in a world of hyper-connected individuals, through social networking and career, many of us choose to live alone to give us some/any solitude and a space to recharge.
Like: while we like to blame western individualism and our disintegrating collective instincts for thsi trend here in North America, in fact the most collective developed nations in the world (aka Scandinavia) also have the highest rate of single-person households, near or over 60%.
As a member of the grey spaces between the traditional nuclear family and the single-person household he writes about (I am a single mom with primary custody of my daughter, so for a few days each week I live here by myself--and the rest of the time I run myself ragged being both mom and dad), I can see what he speaks of in my own life. When my daughter is with me, I indeed have no or little time for friends or activism, and also don't need to grapple with the loneliness that can make single-household living difficult for those without extensive social networks. When she's not here, I get to enjoy that space and solitude, recharge and connect with friends and work on causes dear to me, but I also feel like I accidentally forgot my left arm somewhere.
The book did give me much hope that this rise in single-person households may hold great potential for our societies, more than enough to offset the downsides typically discussed--and that, like it or not, it's here to stay, so maybe we should stop building cities and suburbs primarily for nuclear families.
Good book. Worth a read whether or not you live alone.
December 2, 2015
I live alone. There, I said it. I'm not used to saying it that way because... Actually I don't know why. Maybe I'm afraid of the stigma attached to the word "alone." It sounds so forlorn (pitifully sad and abandoned, or lonely, if you google it), and I'm not. I'm not sad or lonely, nor have I been abandoned. I love my life.
Maybe it's in my genes? My mother and father divorced in 1967, and except for a few months right after the divorce (long story) my mom lived alone until she got Alzheimer's in 2000, and needed constant care. She never struck me as sad or lonely. On the contrary, she went on to 2 more very successful and very different careers after that and loved her new life!
I am so glad that I read this book, if for no other reason than to find out that I'm not alone, pun intended. Apparently not only are women no longer stigmatized for living alone, this is a worldwide trend! Mr. Klinenberg reviews some staggering statistics on the subject. He also covers the problems that "singletons" still have with those who choose to continue to believe that women (and men) should be married, or at the very least in a long-term relationship. In other words, coupled.
The book is divided into the different trends and statistics according to age groups and economic groups. There are also personal stories, my favorite being that of Ava, who like me, is a deliberate singleton. (Forgive me in advance if I got the name wrong; I took the book back to the library and can't check it. The chapter title is "Aging Alone.")
Many, many seniors especially do not want to live with their children, and I am one of them, much to the consternation of my sons, who are constantly bugging me about moving in with them, or "finding a husband." My daughter gets it, why can't they?
I have friends, I spend time with them, I enjoy myself. The difference is that I have no problem finding the alone time that I always seem to crave, and that rejuvenates me. These feelings are shared by other singletons according to Mr. Klinenberg.
That will be a good thing to know the next time I have to explain to one of my sons for the umpteenth time that, "No, I don't want you to build me a house on your property," or, "No, I have no desire to 'find a man,' and no, I don't need a man to be happy!" I'm definitely going to recommend this book to them.
Having said that, I want to address the issue of seniors who become ill or incapacitated. I have made plans for that and done as much as is humanly possible to address that issue when/if it comes. Having a husband, as Mr. Klinenberg reminds us, does not guarantee that a woman, who is very likely to outlive him, won't still be alone during her own crises. Then my sons can step in and help out, should they want. Until then, I will continue to live alone while I can enjoy it.
Maybe it's in my genes? My mother and father divorced in 1967, and except for a few months right after the divorce (long story) my mom lived alone until she got Alzheimer's in 2000, and needed constant care. She never struck me as sad or lonely. On the contrary, she went on to 2 more very successful and very different careers after that and loved her new life!
I am so glad that I read this book, if for no other reason than to find out that I'm not alone, pun intended. Apparently not only are women no longer stigmatized for living alone, this is a worldwide trend! Mr. Klinenberg reviews some staggering statistics on the subject. He also covers the problems that "singletons" still have with those who choose to continue to believe that women (and men) should be married, or at the very least in a long-term relationship. In other words, coupled.
The book is divided into the different trends and statistics according to age groups and economic groups. There are also personal stories, my favorite being that of Ava, who like me, is a deliberate singleton. (Forgive me in advance if I got the name wrong; I took the book back to the library and can't check it. The chapter title is "Aging Alone.")
Many, many seniors especially do not want to live with their children, and I am one of them, much to the consternation of my sons, who are constantly bugging me about moving in with them, or "finding a husband." My daughter gets it, why can't they?
I have friends, I spend time with them, I enjoy myself. The difference is that I have no problem finding the alone time that I always seem to crave, and that rejuvenates me. These feelings are shared by other singletons according to Mr. Klinenberg.
That will be a good thing to know the next time I have to explain to one of my sons for the umpteenth time that, "No, I don't want you to build me a house on your property," or, "No, I have no desire to 'find a man,' and no, I don't need a man to be happy!" I'm definitely going to recommend this book to them.
Having said that, I want to address the issue of seniors who become ill or incapacitated. I have made plans for that and done as much as is humanly possible to address that issue when/if it comes. Having a husband, as Mr. Klinenberg reminds us, does not guarantee that a woman, who is very likely to outlive him, won't still be alone during her own crises. Then my sons can step in and help out, should they want. Until then, I will continue to live alone while I can enjoy it.
October 7, 2012
wow! most misleading subtitle ever. i have lived alone before & it had quite a lot of appeal for me. it was awesome. but had i read this book before i took the plunge, it may never have happened, because this book portrays most people who live alone as very sad & probably on the verge of a horrible lonesome death culminating in their corpse being eaten by their cat. i really don't think it was the author's intention at all, but...sometimes shit happens, i guess.
this book also did something that is REALLY starting to annoy the piss out of me, in that in routinely conflated people that legally "single" (in that they are not married) with people that are single (as in, not in a relationship). there are over 6 million cohabiting unmarried couples in the united states, & together, they are raising over two million children. that's a pretty small fraction of all couples in the united states, full stop, but it still gets really annoying to see "unmarried" so often assumed to be synonymous with "single".
anyway, if you want to read some pop sociology about really sad, lonely men living in SROs & rich twentysomethings in manhattan who say, "who cares if my apartment is only 200 square feet? the whole city is my living room!" this is the book for you. if you really wanted to read something substantive about the changing demographics of the domestic sphere, i guess you're up shit creek without a paddle.
this book also did something that is REALLY starting to annoy the piss out of me, in that in routinely conflated people that legally "single" (in that they are not married) with people that are single (as in, not in a relationship). there are over 6 million cohabiting unmarried couples in the united states, & together, they are raising over two million children. that's a pretty small fraction of all couples in the united states, full stop, but it still gets really annoying to see "unmarried" so often assumed to be synonymous with "single".
anyway, if you want to read some pop sociology about really sad, lonely men living in SROs & rich twentysomethings in manhattan who say, "who cares if my apartment is only 200 square feet? the whole city is my living room!" this is the book for you. if you really wanted to read something substantive about the changing demographics of the domestic sphere, i guess you're up shit creek without a paddle.
September 7, 2012
Going Solo
The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone
By Eric Klinenberg
Who doesn’t know someone who lives alone—who has for years and seems happy—is happy?
This new trend is setting an entirely new paradigm for how we live, where we live and the amenities this growing population demands. The statistics surrounding this relatively new phenomenon are staggering since for the first time in history, huge numbers of humans have started to settle down as what author Klinenberg refers to as Singletons. (Singleton is an author-created term that refers to those who live alone—no children, no romantic partner, no roommates.)
“Today, more than 50% of American adults are single—roughly one out of every seven adults—live alone.”
Since living alone is so new to our society as a whole, we have no clear cut rationale to deal with it in a positive and supportive way. The old-fashioned premise, especially for women, that living alone is only a stage before landing that romantic partner is just that—old! Author Klinenberg is quick to point out that his entire study only deals with the culture of modern cities which allow for the expression of individual eccentricities and permit experiments with new ways of living.
The author’s extensive research came to light and was later funded by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation after the publication of Heat Wave. This new social arrangement came into the public interest after the 1995 heat wave left hundreds of people in America’s inner cities so isolated that they ultimately died alone. To understand how this could have happened, the best thing to do was go backwards to find the source.
“Today more that 5 million Americans under 35 have places of their own. Many of the young adults who live alone were brought up to do so. Not explicitly…they developed the capacity and desire to live independently through another, historically novel experience: growing up in a room of one’s own.”
Today, in many middle-class communities parents feel negligent if they don’t provide a private bedroom for each of their children. This was once considered a luxury, but in recent times it’s an entitlement of the middle-class and it usually begins around the age of eight. The rise of Latchkey Kids and private rooms within the home is an international experience.
And then there came this new trend that has literally changed everything—the digital age. In many cases, those living alone are socially overextended, and hyperactive use of digital media keeps them ever busier.
“Singles and people who live alone are twice as likely as married people to go to bars and dance clubs. They eat out in restaurants more often, are likely to take art or music classes, attend public events, and go shopping with friends.”
Fast forward to Americans over 65, one in three—live alone—and the numbers living alone only increase with age and are primarily women. The book suggests we should no longer continue our journey through life solely supporting the concept of marriage being the end-all and that being single is something to abhor. Instead, we need to come to the realization that it’s here to stay and that we need to create places for all to flourish.
Here-in lie the many faces of independence—isn’t it time we celebrate all of them?
The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone
By Eric Klinenberg
Who doesn’t know someone who lives alone—who has for years and seems happy—is happy?
This new trend is setting an entirely new paradigm for how we live, where we live and the amenities this growing population demands. The statistics surrounding this relatively new phenomenon are staggering since for the first time in history, huge numbers of humans have started to settle down as what author Klinenberg refers to as Singletons. (Singleton is an author-created term that refers to those who live alone—no children, no romantic partner, no roommates.)
“Today, more than 50% of American adults are single—roughly one out of every seven adults—live alone.”
Since living alone is so new to our society as a whole, we have no clear cut rationale to deal with it in a positive and supportive way. The old-fashioned premise, especially for women, that living alone is only a stage before landing that romantic partner is just that—old! Author Klinenberg is quick to point out that his entire study only deals with the culture of modern cities which allow for the expression of individual eccentricities and permit experiments with new ways of living.
The author’s extensive research came to light and was later funded by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation after the publication of Heat Wave. This new social arrangement came into the public interest after the 1995 heat wave left hundreds of people in America’s inner cities so isolated that they ultimately died alone. To understand how this could have happened, the best thing to do was go backwards to find the source.
“Today more that 5 million Americans under 35 have places of their own. Many of the young adults who live alone were brought up to do so. Not explicitly…they developed the capacity and desire to live independently through another, historically novel experience: growing up in a room of one’s own.”
Today, in many middle-class communities parents feel negligent if they don’t provide a private bedroom for each of their children. This was once considered a luxury, but in recent times it’s an entitlement of the middle-class and it usually begins around the age of eight. The rise of Latchkey Kids and private rooms within the home is an international experience.
And then there came this new trend that has literally changed everything—the digital age. In many cases, those living alone are socially overextended, and hyperactive use of digital media keeps them ever busier.
“Singles and people who live alone are twice as likely as married people to go to bars and dance clubs. They eat out in restaurants more often, are likely to take art or music classes, attend public events, and go shopping with friends.”
Fast forward to Americans over 65, one in three—live alone—and the numbers living alone only increase with age and are primarily women. The book suggests we should no longer continue our journey through life solely supporting the concept of marriage being the end-all and that being single is something to abhor. Instead, we need to come to the realization that it’s here to stay and that we need to create places for all to flourish.
Here-in lie the many faces of independence—isn’t it time we celebrate all of them?
Read
July 1, 2019This book analyzes the growing trend of people living alone. Fascinating. I learned a lot from this book about how our living situations are changing, and what we seek from our living situations.
November 30, 2016
This is my 500th review. Good grief.
Despite the subtitle, ‘Going Solo’ is a very non-sensationalist book. I wouldn't say that it's 'trailblazing' or 'revelatory' either. It isn’t trying to evangelise for living alone, but neither does it condone scaremongering about singletons destroying society. Rather, it uses evidence from interviews of some three hundred Americans of all ages who live alone to comment on the individual and societal effects of the phenomenon. The explanation provided for the rise of living alone in 20th century is twofold: more people can afford to and individualism is valorised in the Western world. The paradoxical nature of this desire is neatly summed up at one point in the chapter on aging alone:
As this quote illustrates, the book is inevitably America-centric. Towards the end Klinenberg looks to the Nordic states for housing policies that the US could learn from, while noting that the political environment in urban America is not at all conducive to their adoption. There is very little about British housing trends to be found here, although some of America’s are very familiar.
What I found more frustrating was semantic confusion in the chapters on younger people living alone - it was unclear whether the text was discussing people who lived alone and/or people who were single. Whereas the (better developed) section on the elderly noted that many of those who’d left or lost a partner enjoyed dating without cohabitation or marriage, it often seemed to be assumed that younger people only lived alone when not in a romantic relationship. I found this rather baffling, especially when movements like the somewhat painfully named ‘quirkyalone’ were brought in. The author didn’t seem to be sure whether they were talking about whether twenty and thirtysomethings didn’t want to get married or why they wanted to live alone. The two questions are not the same and conflating them made for incoherence.
Consequently, I found the earlier chapters less enlightening than the latter. Also, the book couldn’t help but make me feel a little bitter. I’ve never lived alone, but it’s something I aspire to do if I can ever afford it. I’ve spent nearly all of my adult life in one of the most expensive cities in South East England, alternately studying and working in the public sector, which has required house-sharing. Whilst this has its advantages, not least financially, at the age of thirty I’m pretty damn tired of it. Yet there is Britain’s ongoing housing disaster to contend with if I want my own flat (ideally shared with a small dog named Guillotine). I wonder how much longer living alone can continue to increase when housing affordability is deteriorating so markedly in urban Britain. This is outside the scope of ‘Going Solo’, although to its credit it does discuss independent housing options for those who can't afford a whole flat.
Despite the subtitle, ‘Going Solo’ is a very non-sensationalist book. I wouldn't say that it's 'trailblazing' or 'revelatory' either. It isn’t trying to evangelise for living alone, but neither does it condone scaremongering about singletons destroying society. Rather, it uses evidence from interviews of some three hundred Americans of all ages who live alone to comment on the individual and societal effects of the phenomenon. The explanation provided for the rise of living alone in 20th century is twofold: more people can afford to and individualism is valorised in the Western world. The paradoxical nature of this desire is neatly summed up at one point in the chapter on aging alone:
Fear of losing one’s independence haunts most of those who grow old in contemporary societies, as does anxiety about becoming dependent on other people or institutions. These are among the deepest insecurities generated by the cult of the individual. For when our dignity and integrity require the self-perception of personal autonomy, we experience profound humiliation - a loss of face - if we are forced to acknowledge that we can no longer make it on our own.
At some level, of course, none of us is truly independent. Collective belief in the myth of autonomy obscures the fact that our prized individualism is directly underwritten by social institutions: the family, the market, the state. Related fantasies - of self-reliance, or the self-made man, for instance - lead us to ignore the webs of interdependency that give even the most antisocial among us the strength to go it alone.
As this quote illustrates, the book is inevitably America-centric. Towards the end Klinenberg looks to the Nordic states for housing policies that the US could learn from, while noting that the political environment in urban America is not at all conducive to their adoption. There is very little about British housing trends to be found here, although some of America’s are very familiar.
What I found more frustrating was semantic confusion in the chapters on younger people living alone - it was unclear whether the text was discussing people who lived alone and/or people who were single. Whereas the (better developed) section on the elderly noted that many of those who’d left or lost a partner enjoyed dating without cohabitation or marriage, it often seemed to be assumed that younger people only lived alone when not in a romantic relationship. I found this rather baffling, especially when movements like the somewhat painfully named ‘quirkyalone’ were brought in. The author didn’t seem to be sure whether they were talking about whether twenty and thirtysomethings didn’t want to get married or why they wanted to live alone. The two questions are not the same and conflating them made for incoherence.
Consequently, I found the earlier chapters less enlightening than the latter. Also, the book couldn’t help but make me feel a little bitter. I’ve never lived alone, but it’s something I aspire to do if I can ever afford it. I’ve spent nearly all of my adult life in one of the most expensive cities in South East England, alternately studying and working in the public sector, which has required house-sharing. Whilst this has its advantages, not least financially, at the age of thirty I’m pretty damn tired of it. Yet there is Britain’s ongoing housing disaster to contend with if I want my own flat (ideally shared with a small dog named Guillotine). I wonder how much longer living alone can continue to increase when housing affordability is deteriorating so markedly in urban Britain. This is outside the scope of ‘Going Solo’, although to its credit it does discuss independent housing options for those who can't afford a whole flat.
October 2, 2013
Two stars for the outright lie-there is no surprising appeal of living alone. I read this hoping to find some validation in my situation of being unmarried, single and alone-not by choice but because I HAD NO CHOICE! Unless I want to lose my virginity in a cohabitating relationtionship, I'm doomed to live the celebite life alone and I guess I'm just the first to admit there are some days I do not find it appealing. It's a weak argument that having a spouse and children is important but, as Klinenberg keeps pointing out in his book, not that important. We're in big trouble, folks.
After reading this book and the many case studies of "singletons" listed therein, it turns out the only demographic who find this lifesyle appealing are white, divorced, middle-age American women with sucessful careers who want to have their sex-cake now and eat it too. Nowhere will you find an example of single white thirtysomthing male longing for missed opportunity to be husband, father, provider to a family. Nearly all male case studies in this book were gay, HIV, substance abuse, adulterers stuck in a downward spiral of self-destruction. Sure they'd "like to spend more time with the kids" they cut themselves off from but have no motivation to return.
That's when it hit me, this book is the sequal to Fatherless America!
This explains the mass movement of women into both the workforce and single one bedroom apartments. This explains why I must face the reality of living alone with never the opportunity to follow the nostaligc 1960's lifescript of boy and girl coming together in dating, courtship, marriage with children as the crowning achievement.
I guess the most surprising appeal of the solo lifestyle this book is so quick to vilidate is the utter lack of responsibility we adults have to children.
So, break out the condoms! You can keep your self destructive lifestyles, I'm gonna hold out for something better waiting for me after I die, because after reading this book I have no hope that America will ever return to teaching its children the importance of holding onto the tried and true 1960's lifescript that seemed to be a good thing for our grandparents but not for us. Oh, no as Klinenberg keeps emphasizing-it's OK to fiddle while our family trees burn!
After reading this book and the many case studies of "singletons" listed therein, it turns out the only demographic who find this lifesyle appealing are white, divorced, middle-age American women with sucessful careers who want to have their sex-cake now and eat it too. Nowhere will you find an example of single white thirtysomthing male longing for missed opportunity to be husband, father, provider to a family. Nearly all male case studies in this book were gay, HIV, substance abuse, adulterers stuck in a downward spiral of self-destruction. Sure they'd "like to spend more time with the kids" they cut themselves off from but have no motivation to return.
That's when it hit me, this book is the sequal to Fatherless America!
This explains the mass movement of women into both the workforce and single one bedroom apartments. This explains why I must face the reality of living alone with never the opportunity to follow the nostaligc 1960's lifescript of boy and girl coming together in dating, courtship, marriage with children as the crowning achievement.
I guess the most surprising appeal of the solo lifestyle this book is so quick to vilidate is the utter lack of responsibility we adults have to children.
So, break out the condoms! You can keep your self destructive lifestyles, I'm gonna hold out for something better waiting for me after I die, because after reading this book I have no hope that America will ever return to teaching its children the importance of holding onto the tried and true 1960's lifescript that seemed to be a good thing for our grandparents but not for us. Oh, no as Klinenberg keeps emphasizing-it's OK to fiddle while our family trees burn!
May 3, 2020
In Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, sociologist Eric Klinenberg studies why people so often choose to live alone.
Since I first read this work in 2015, I've learned about the difficulties associated with loneliness and isolation. Loneliness can become chronic loneliness, at which point people start to feel isolation as a pain and they avoid others to avoid the pain, ultimately creating a downward spiral. Maybe we shouldn't live alone, I thought.
But if you ask old people to move back in with their family, they mostly don't want to. If you ask adults who have established a career if they want to get a roommate, they mostly don't want to. This cohort, though I'm not sure that's the right word, has grown large enough to impact housing. They nearly always prefer to live alone unless they live with a romantic partner.
By the end, Klinenberg goes to Sweden to study how they design their cities to accommodate living alone but in communities. (I'm not quite sure how to describe this model--independence without isolation? I couldn't help but recall Montgomery's Happy City, which basically argues that we should design cities to help produce positive mental health outcomes. Suburbs, however conventional, seem to produce awful outcomes. We should worry less about people "bowling alone" and more about designing housing for emerging social preferences.
The best books, imho, invite the reader to look more into their subject, and that's what I felt as I'd reached the end of Going Solo.
**
Although I have not touched on it in this review, much of Going Solo is about late life loneliness--another important topic, though to be honest I don't have a book in mind to read next. I'll have to do more research to even open up this subject for further study.
Since I first read this work in 2015, I've learned about the difficulties associated with loneliness and isolation. Loneliness can become chronic loneliness, at which point people start to feel isolation as a pain and they avoid others to avoid the pain, ultimately creating a downward spiral. Maybe we shouldn't live alone, I thought.
But if you ask old people to move back in with their family, they mostly don't want to. If you ask adults who have established a career if they want to get a roommate, they mostly don't want to. This cohort, though I'm not sure that's the right word, has grown large enough to impact housing. They nearly always prefer to live alone unless they live with a romantic partner.
By the end, Klinenberg goes to Sweden to study how they design their cities to accommodate living alone but in communities. (I'm not quite sure how to describe this model--independence without isolation? I couldn't help but recall Montgomery's Happy City, which basically argues that we should design cities to help produce positive mental health outcomes. Suburbs, however conventional, seem to produce awful outcomes. We should worry less about people "bowling alone" and more about designing housing for emerging social preferences.
The best books, imho, invite the reader to look more into their subject, and that's what I felt as I'd reached the end of Going Solo.
**
Although I have not touched on it in this review, much of Going Solo is about late life loneliness--another important topic, though to be honest I don't have a book in mind to read next. I'll have to do more research to even open up this subject for further study.
November 28, 2016
I thought this was very interesting. Between marriages I lived alone for a decade, basically. Occasionally I stayed at my parents' home for extended visits or crashed with friends and he year I was saying my husband I lived with a friend. I am very happy to have had that time, both when I was both single and living solo and when I was only one or the other. I did learn a lot about myself and probably shouldn't have gotten married the first time without having done it.
Since my husband is ten years younger than I am, it's possible I won't be living solo again - hopefully that age difference sets us up to live about the same length of time. Hopefully we won't get divorced. And then there's the next 18+ years with the girls.
It was quite a change, going from living alone to living with a roommate and then living with a husband, pets and kids. My own experiences does agree with the statement he made a lot in the book that singles tend to actually be more engaged outside the house. I certainly was. I'm an introvert who does like big social events but needs that along time to recharge. Adjusting to married life and motherhood, dealing with that lack of solitude has been the hardest for me. I
The chapters on robots and Swedish housing practices were very interesting.
Since my husband is ten years younger than I am, it's possible I won't be living solo again - hopefully that age difference sets us up to live about the same length of time. Hopefully we won't get divorced. And then there's the next 18+ years with the girls.
It was quite a change, going from living alone to living with a roommate and then living with a husband, pets and kids. My own experiences does agree with the statement he made a lot in the book that singles tend to actually be more engaged outside the house. I certainly was. I'm an introvert who does like big social events but needs that along time to recharge. Adjusting to married life and motherhood, dealing with that lack of solitude has been the hardest for me. I
The chapters on robots and Swedish housing practices were very interesting.
April 28, 2019
A somewhat dull anecdotally laden substance free telling of a hugely important trend happening right before our eyes and obviously even more relevant today then when this book was first published in 2012.
I’d be hard pressed to highlight anything of substance that was in this book that I didn’t already know except for when he mentioned five or so times that 46% of Swedes live alone. I did not know that. Shared social experiences of various individuals do not make for a compelling book. The movie Isn’t It Romantic internalizes the theme that a woman doesn’t need to have a romantic man in her life in order to be complete. This book takes a whole book to make that point and other just as obvious truisms.
Time has passed this book by and even a trivial (but amusing) movie understands that the world has changed today, and the world is complex but is more accepting for those who prefer their own isolation to the alienation that they might get from being with others, and it is in solitude when some are least alone just as when they are doing nothing they are at their most active.
I’d be hard pressed to highlight anything of substance that was in this book that I didn’t already know except for when he mentioned five or so times that 46% of Swedes live alone. I did not know that. Shared social experiences of various individuals do not make for a compelling book. The movie Isn’t It Romantic internalizes the theme that a woman doesn’t need to have a romantic man in her life in order to be complete. This book takes a whole book to make that point and other just as obvious truisms.
Time has passed this book by and even a trivial (but amusing) movie understands that the world has changed today, and the world is complex but is more accepting for those who prefer their own isolation to the alienation that they might get from being with others, and it is in solitude when some are least alone just as when they are doing nothing they are at their most active.
October 26, 2012
This book presented a ton of interesting facts on the phenomenon of living alone in a city, however none of them were outright shocking, or too far afield of what I would have guessed. That could be because I've lived alone for more than 5 years now, and 7 total in my lifetime.
The one aspect of living alone that I don't think about often--but one that this book brought to the forefront of my mind--is what I will do if I am still living alone in my elderly years. How will I go about meeting my social needs? What will I do if I can't take care of myself? This section of the book that focused on the plight of the elderly, was, in my opinion, the strongest.
The one aspect of living alone that I don't think about often--but one that this book brought to the forefront of my mind--is what I will do if I am still living alone in my elderly years. How will I go about meeting my social needs? What will I do if I can't take care of myself? This section of the book that focused on the plight of the elderly, was, in my opinion, the strongest.
April 18, 2018
I was pretty disappointed by this book. A title using words like "extraordinary" and "appeal" would have a lot more positives in it than Going Solo. Instead of showing the resilience of rising above and the solutions to the expected problems that come with aging, this book wallows in the negative. Dying alone, the burial process for people whose bodies aren't claimed by relatives, the dangers of disease... all these things are given a great deal of page-time. There was also a lot about the struggles of living alone and being poor, single-occupancy rooms, and the way that places that house people in dangerous predicaments can pull them down. Not a lot that appeals there.
June 3, 2012
I was happy to see that this book is not trying to endorse or disapprove any specific lifestyle. We’ve all experienced instances of what can be called the battle of lifestyles. There are married people who can barely hide their pity for what they perceive to be the selfish, empty, and ultimately lonely lives of their single friends. And there are singles who make a show of what a fun and adventurous life they’re leading and why would they want to give all that up for the boredom of domesticity. (From my experience, it’s usually the divorced who turn into militant singles. They have a point to prove to themselves and others.)
This book is not about singles in the sense of those who don't have a romantic partner. Rather, it’s about what Klinenberg calls singletons: those who choose to live alone. Klinenberg states the facts: that the number of singletons has risen, and will continue to rise, and this is an inevitable byproduct of modern and wealthy societies where living alone has actually replaced the nuclear family as the most common form of household. Regardless of how we feel about this phenomenon (e.g., conservative politicians pushing marriage on the population as the only valid lifestyle), it’s on the rise and societies need to heed this and make arrangements for it.
The book deals with various aspects of living alone, including its persistent negative stigma and the fears and worries of those who choose this lifestyle, more specifically: aging alone. There are a lot of case studies in the book, which I didn’t find all of them interesting. Overall, a good and quick sociology read.
This book is not about singles in the sense of those who don't have a romantic partner. Rather, it’s about what Klinenberg calls singletons: those who choose to live alone. Klinenberg states the facts: that the number of singletons has risen, and will continue to rise, and this is an inevitable byproduct of modern and wealthy societies where living alone has actually replaced the nuclear family as the most common form of household. Regardless of how we feel about this phenomenon (e.g., conservative politicians pushing marriage on the population as the only valid lifestyle), it’s on the rise and societies need to heed this and make arrangements for it.
The book deals with various aspects of living alone, including its persistent negative stigma and the fears and worries of those who choose this lifestyle, more specifically: aging alone. There are a lot of case studies in the book, which I didn’t find all of them interesting. Overall, a good and quick sociology read.
February 10, 2012
This was a very balanced book on the virtues and pitfalls of living alone. There have been many books written advocating both sides of the idea, but this author neither promotes nor disparages living on your own. He states that it is something that is happening with more and more frequency all on it's on, and explores reasons why.
Both affluence and poverty are driving forces in the trend, and the author interviewed many, many people of differing geographical and socio-economic levels to explore the issue. His consensus is that for many living as a "singleton" is sometimes a rite of passage, or a late life situation. Sometimes it's temporary as young people establish their own identities as adults and as professionals. Sometimes people never meet the right person. Or sometimes through death or divorce a person is left on his/her own.
An underlying theme in all situations is a desire for independence and privacy. The author argues that social media, rather than alienating people, causes them to never be alone.
And the author does admit, that so long as a person has the finances and health, living alone can work. But when illness intrudes, even the best network of friends can't be solely depended on for help. A catastrophic illness is the game changer, and in the end one's family is the last line of defense and help.
If you wish to read a thought provoking book about modern life and how we are evolving our social interactions, this book is for you.
Both affluence and poverty are driving forces in the trend, and the author interviewed many, many people of differing geographical and socio-economic levels to explore the issue. His consensus is that for many living as a "singleton" is sometimes a rite of passage, or a late life situation. Sometimes it's temporary as young people establish their own identities as adults and as professionals. Sometimes people never meet the right person. Or sometimes through death or divorce a person is left on his/her own.
An underlying theme in all situations is a desire for independence and privacy. The author argues that social media, rather than alienating people, causes them to never be alone.
And the author does admit, that so long as a person has the finances and health, living alone can work. But when illness intrudes, even the best network of friends can't be solely depended on for help. A catastrophic illness is the game changer, and in the end one's family is the last line of defense and help.
If you wish to read a thought provoking book about modern life and how we are evolving our social interactions, this book is for you.
February 11, 2018
Klineberg's book does not lose speed. I wanted a chapter about people with disabilities who live alone. I think we are the most vulnerable group in American culture and living with a husband can be dangerous. The author did address the heavy domestic workload women experience if they are married. Combine this with a disease like multiple sclerosis, which I do have, and the disaster is inevitable.
This was my experience personally. I could not keep up with his demands that I ski, clean, cook, etc. Perhaps other people with disabilities have different experiences. If one is wealthy, for example, hiring help would be an option. My situation was also not normal. He was quite an abusive law enforcement officer.
I think researching information about people with disabilities who live alone or with a husband is a worthy endeavor. Personally, poignant stories come to mind that will forever solidify my choice to live alone. One example is the MS patient who was left alone in a boat by her husband unable to get help. Again, I think the research is not finalized because of the lack of information about people with disabilities. This is a well-researched book though and well-written.
This was my experience personally. I could not keep up with his demands that I ski, clean, cook, etc. Perhaps other people with disabilities have different experiences. If one is wealthy, for example, hiring help would be an option. My situation was also not normal. He was quite an abusive law enforcement officer.
I think researching information about people with disabilities who live alone or with a husband is a worthy endeavor. Personally, poignant stories come to mind that will forever solidify my choice to live alone. One example is the MS patient who was left alone in a boat by her husband unable to get help. Again, I think the research is not finalized because of the lack of information about people with disabilities. This is a well-researched book though and well-written.
May 5, 2012
The book offers an overview of the changing culture where for the first time people are living alone in huge numbers. Unfortunately, many societies, especially in the USA, haven't been very enthusiastic about adjusting to this new way of life, preferring to rail about selfishness than really meet the challenges of a large population of elderly people on their own.
Although the book has a lot of respect for people living alone and stresses how people choose to live alone because it's the best of their options, I couldn't help but be kind of terrified as I read it. For anyone who doesn't have not only children but wealthy children (or who is wealthy themselves) the threat of winding up isolated by illness or injury looms large. Though at the same time there's not much to be done to avoid it (except for amassing piles of cash).
It is an important book, though, for demanding that people talk about the issue without moral judgments and psychological theories about singletons that have little connection to reality.
Although the book has a lot of respect for people living alone and stresses how people choose to live alone because it's the best of their options, I couldn't help but be kind of terrified as I read it. For anyone who doesn't have not only children but wealthy children (or who is wealthy themselves) the threat of winding up isolated by illness or injury looms large. Though at the same time there's not much to be done to avoid it (except for amassing piles of cash).
It is an important book, though, for demanding that people talk about the issue without moral judgments and psychological theories about singletons that have little connection to reality.
May 3, 2019
I’m really glad this book exists. It’s not very uplifting, but it seems very important. About half of the book is about what it’s like to die alone/get ready to die alone. But overall, this is a very useful book. It’s written by a sociologist and is largely reflecting lots of structured interviews. I really enjoyed the glimpses into individual lives/situations. If any thing, it might have been nice to have a few tables and charts. And I also thought the conclusion chapter wasn’t very well written. (It just dumped even more new info on the reader, and didn’t have a very powerful conclusion..) But I’m really glad this book exists, and I’m glad I read it.
April 11, 2012
My first social science book that I've ever read...for fun! It was extremely well-written, and so spot on that I found myself saying, "I know right?!" on more than one occasion. I think I need a copy of this book to remind myself that being a singleton is friggin' awesome!
March 8, 2019
Dark and discouraging. It seems the elderly singles are doomed to a sad end. Now i'll have to think up a new plan for my post retirement years as a single lady.
August 30, 2019
Despite my initial topical interest, Klinenberg's strongest points led to my boredom with this book.
In Going Solo, he attempts to do justice to each group of "singletons," which he explains are a such a large group of Americans that there's no one way to describe all 33 million of them in a broad stroke. Because of this, he conducts interviews, site visits, and other conversationally presented research with a wide range of Americans who live alone.
I found myself interested in the subgroups that related to me (single, college-educated black women or young urbanists who live alone), and skimming through the pages about divorcees or deceased hoarder singletons, which were either too startling or too unremarkable to warrant my attention.
I think his main point is his strongest—because we are such a large group of people, there's no way to write a book that appeals to us all.
In Going Solo, he attempts to do justice to each group of "singletons," which he explains are a such a large group of Americans that there's no one way to describe all 33 million of them in a broad stroke. Because of this, he conducts interviews, site visits, and other conversationally presented research with a wide range of Americans who live alone.
I found myself interested in the subgroups that related to me (single, college-educated black women or young urbanists who live alone), and skimming through the pages about divorcees or deceased hoarder singletons, which were either too startling or too unremarkable to warrant my attention.
I think his main point is his strongest—because we are such a large group of people, there's no way to write a book that appeals to us all.
August 6, 2015
This was a pretty good read. At first it started off a little boring, but then the author got into stories and more scientific backup and research. He covers the benefits and cons of living alone and how one gets to the point of living alone. He deconstructs that living alone isn't necessarily a bad thing, that just because one ends up alone does not mean they have failed.
Below are some of my favourite quotes from the book that summarize the important points, as I saw them.
"Solitude, once we learn how to use it, does more than restore our personal energy; it also sparks new ideas about how we might better live together."
"... Young people believe that moving into a home of their own is essential for becoming an adult, because the experience will help them grow more mature and self-reliant. Middle-age adults believe that living alone is important after a divorce or separation, because it helps them regain their autonomy and self-control. Elderly believe that living alone allows them to maintain their dignity, integrity, and autonomy."
"“While robots cannot replace humans, we seek to understand the degree at which robots can augment humans, either by directly interacting with the person, or by providing a communication interface between different people that is more usable than current alternatives.””
“Redesigning the places where people live alone is only one way to address the challenges of a singleton society. Another is to improve the material objects we keep around us, and to design new ones to help those most at risk of isolation become better connected to networks of social support.”
“The extraordinary rise of living alone is not in itself a social problem. But it is a dramatic social change thats already exacerbating serious problems for which there are no easy solutions: Social isolation for the elderly and frail. Reclusiveness for the poor and vulnerable. Self-doubt for those who worry that going solo will leave them childless, or unhappy, or alone.”
“Of the fifty-six victims whose cases were handed over to the Cook County Office of the Public Administrator because no one came to claim the body or the estate, four-four of them - roughly 80% were men.”
"Inevitably, she concludes she's better off going solo. "Also," Ava jokes, scanning her tidy apartment, "I really don't have much room here for a man. I mean, I have no closet space! Where am I going to put him?""
"People are in this incredible panic to avoid being alone in the room with themselves," she explains, but their desperation can lead to disaster, because "there's nothing more lonely than being with the wrong person. [...] theory, "When a relationship doesn't go well, it's a very lonely situation. You can't go to the person that you're with for help with this problem because, in your eyes, they are the problem."
"... for most of us loneliness is inevitable. It's part of the human condition, and she rejects the belief that living alone is its source. Like many divorced women we interviewed, Helen copes with her own feelings of social failure, in part, by dismissing the notion that another marriage or romantic relationship would alleviate them."
"... her experience going solo has changed the way she sees her generation: "I always thought that the reason women were alone when they were older was that they were simply rejected. I don't think that anymore. I think they just say, 'I've been there, done that,' and unless you're really something special, you're fine as a friend."
Below are some of my favourite quotes from the book that summarize the important points, as I saw them.
"Solitude, once we learn how to use it, does more than restore our personal energy; it also sparks new ideas about how we might better live together."
"... Young people believe that moving into a home of their own is essential for becoming an adult, because the experience will help them grow more mature and self-reliant. Middle-age adults believe that living alone is important after a divorce or separation, because it helps them regain their autonomy and self-control. Elderly believe that living alone allows them to maintain their dignity, integrity, and autonomy."
"“While robots cannot replace humans, we seek to understand the degree at which robots can augment humans, either by directly interacting with the person, or by providing a communication interface between different people that is more usable than current alternatives.””
“Redesigning the places where people live alone is only one way to address the challenges of a singleton society. Another is to improve the material objects we keep around us, and to design new ones to help those most at risk of isolation become better connected to networks of social support.”
“The extraordinary rise of living alone is not in itself a social problem. But it is a dramatic social change thats already exacerbating serious problems for which there are no easy solutions: Social isolation for the elderly and frail. Reclusiveness for the poor and vulnerable. Self-doubt for those who worry that going solo will leave them childless, or unhappy, or alone.”
“Of the fifty-six victims whose cases were handed over to the Cook County Office of the Public Administrator because no one came to claim the body or the estate, four-four of them - roughly 80% were men.”
"Inevitably, she concludes she's better off going solo. "Also," Ava jokes, scanning her tidy apartment, "I really don't have much room here for a man. I mean, I have no closet space! Where am I going to put him?""
"People are in this incredible panic to avoid being alone in the room with themselves," she explains, but their desperation can lead to disaster, because "there's nothing more lonely than being with the wrong person. [...] theory, "When a relationship doesn't go well, it's a very lonely situation. You can't go to the person that you're with for help with this problem because, in your eyes, they are the problem."
"... for most of us loneliness is inevitable. It's part of the human condition, and she rejects the belief that living alone is its source. Like many divorced women we interviewed, Helen copes with her own feelings of social failure, in part, by dismissing the notion that another marriage or romantic relationship would alleviate them."
"... her experience going solo has changed the way she sees her generation: "I always thought that the reason women were alone when they were older was that they were simply rejected. I don't think that anymore. I think they just say, 'I've been there, done that,' and unless you're really something special, you're fine as a friend."
January 23, 2015
If you live in a city, you've certainly seen the literal rise of condo towers and townhome developments, filled mainly with one-room units. Eric Klinenberg, in Going Solo (which just moved into paperback), examines the unprecedented increase in the number of people living alone. His research and interviews describe young unmarried professionals not seeking relationships; middle-aged men and women after the end of marriages; and elderly people trying to maintain their dignity by living alone. He reveals a growing segment of the population, both here and abroad including in developing countries, who defy stereotypes of sad singles running out of time to find someone. Instead, Klinenberg shows singletons (as he calls them) who build vibrant social networks around themselves in pursuit of a life by themselves. Going Solo, which featured heavily in a recent
Globe & Mail series
, briefly concludes with some of the social effects of its eponymous trend. It's an intriguing look at contemporary demographics, especially in regards to urban living. I imagine that this book will become a reference point for future discussion as well as policy debate.
I'm on Twitter: @Dr_A_Taubman
I'm on Twitter: @Dr_A_Taubman
June 11, 2022
The title of this book is entirely deceptive: I was expecting more information about the benefits or advantages. The early chapters describe the historical rise of solo living in parallel with the industrial age and the entry of women into the workforce. The information about the availability of housing for single dwellers was interesting -- from hotels to apartments to SROs and smaller houses.
Ultimately, this book essentially an overly long attempt to validate data in a study with anecdotal interviews claimed as "qualitative" research. The author keeps throwing in things about our obsession with the "cult of individuality." He routinely describes the benefits but then tears down the same. The overall tone of the book is rather like a series of blog posts or lifestyle magazine articles that seem to draw from the same handful of studies. The repeated use of description of the interview subjects doesn't increase the credibility -- just seems pseudo-journalistic.
Ultimately, this book essentially an overly long attempt to validate data in a study with anecdotal interviews claimed as "qualitative" research. The author keeps throwing in things about our obsession with the "cult of individuality." He routinely describes the benefits but then tears down the same. The overall tone of the book is rather like a series of blog posts or lifestyle magazine articles that seem to draw from the same handful of studies. The repeated use of description of the interview subjects doesn't increase the credibility -- just seems pseudo-journalistic.
November 5, 2014
ugh this book is annoying. written in that very special and arrogant/biased way that only pop psychology/sociology can be. maybe it gets better, but I'm not finishing it. he did specify right at the end that he was mostly going to be talking about the middle class because living alone was something for the economically privileged, but I don't need him to tell me that.
plus was already approached on one train ride by a gentlemen, who at seeing the cover asked if I had just broken up with someone. not into it.
plus was already approached on one train ride by a gentlemen, who at seeing the cover asked if I had just broken up with someone. not into it.
August 13, 2016
Klinenberg's refutation of Robert Putman.
February 16, 2018
Going Solo is a really informative book on the challenges of living alone in cities at various stages of life. I really liked that there was so much research cited, statements were strongly corroborated by empirical data, and the inclusion of interviews to put human 'faces' on the research and data.
However, I didn't see a lot of the 'surprising appeal' that the title promised me hashed out in the text itself. Apparently this is because singles advocates (such as Bella DePaulo, who is referenced by name) have already put so much 'out there' about the appealing side of the to-live-or-not-to-live-alone case, but it did annoy me that the appeal of living alone is very much glossed over and significantly more emphasis is put on the challenges of living alone. The saving grace of this emphasis is the fact that Klinenberg goes out of his way to back up his statements with facts and evidence, and also goes out of his way to deal with the more egregiously incorrect and misleading statements made by marriage advocates and other public figures who attack those who live alone as a social problem. Klinenberg does a decent enough job conveying information and remaining neutral, mostly because a singleton society comes down to the fact that increasing numbers of people are choosing to live along where it is a viable option to do so, and it is the responsibility of society and the state to adapt to the demographic change as they have adapted to other demographic changes. He makes this clear at multiple points throughout Going Solo, and it is the core message of the book.
Overall, I would recommend Going Solo, especially to someone who lived or was interested in living alone due to the fair treatment of the topic, especially with regards to information about the challenges of living alone as a elderly or disabled individual.
However, I didn't see a lot of the 'surprising appeal' that the title promised me hashed out in the text itself. Apparently this is because singles advocates (such as Bella DePaulo, who is referenced by name) have already put so much 'out there' about the appealing side of the to-live-or-not-to-live-alone case, but it did annoy me that the appeal of living alone is very much glossed over and significantly more emphasis is put on the challenges of living alone. The saving grace of this emphasis is the fact that Klinenberg goes out of his way to back up his statements with facts and evidence, and also goes out of his way to deal with the more egregiously incorrect and misleading statements made by marriage advocates and other public figures who attack those who live alone as a social problem. Klinenberg does a decent enough job conveying information and remaining neutral, mostly because a singleton society comes down to the fact that increasing numbers of people are choosing to live along where it is a viable option to do so, and it is the responsibility of society and the state to adapt to the demographic change as they have adapted to other demographic changes. He makes this clear at multiple points throughout Going Solo, and it is the core message of the book.
Overall, I would recommend Going Solo, especially to someone who lived or was interested in living alone due to the fair treatment of the topic, especially with regards to information about the challenges of living alone as a elderly or disabled individual.
February 10, 2024
Pretty good stuff. Interesting perspective on what we've collectively billed as the "loneliness epidemic" which is something I quite care about. The main point here is this: just because people live alone doesn't mean that they're there because they were forced to or being in such a state makes them unhappy. People choose to do it all the time, so let's focus on making a society that can support them. Being together is good, but acting like voluntary housing choices are a societal plague is a bad start for addressing problems that can stem from real atomization/separation in society.
The only criticism I have here is that Klinenberg focuses basically only on cites, which are probably the best and easiest places to age in place. I think the chapter on aging alone would have been much more depressing if we looked at the real effects of the elderly losing their drivers licenses when they have to live in car-dependent areas, but that's just me. Granted, he says in the appendix that he was not able to research outside of cities, but still, it would've been nice to hear the other perspectives on this.
The only criticism I have here is that Klinenberg focuses basically only on cites, which are probably the best and easiest places to age in place. I think the chapter on aging alone would have been much more depressing if we looked at the real effects of the elderly losing their drivers licenses when they have to live in car-dependent areas, but that's just me. Granted, he says in the appendix that he was not able to research outside of cities, but still, it would've been nice to hear the other perspectives on this.
August 25, 2024
3,5 - Wel interessant, maar had op een wat groter deel over twintigers/dertigers die alleen wonen gehoopt, wat in verhouding het kleinste deel van dit boek uitmaakte (ten opzichte van alleen ernstig ziek worden/sterven/ouder worden etc).
Vond het verder echt vrij vreemd en storend dat bijna elke persoon (met name de vrouwen) die geïnterviewd werd ook fysiek omschreven moest worden? Dat voelde erg raar in een non-fictie/objectief boek.
Voorbeeld: “Charlotte, who at fifty-two carries her big-boned body with grace and confidence (???), is an office manager in Manhattan.”
Wel mooi: “Living alone gives us time and space to discover the pleasure of being with others.”
Vond het verder echt vrij vreemd en storend dat bijna elke persoon (met name de vrouwen) die geïnterviewd werd ook fysiek omschreven moest worden? Dat voelde erg raar in een non-fictie/objectief boek.
Voorbeeld: “Charlotte, who at fifty-two carries her big-boned body with grace and confidence (???), is an office manager in Manhattan.”
Wel mooi: “Living alone gives us time and space to discover the pleasure of being with others.”
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