Speaking of the dead

by Chelsea Tolman, Robert Labrum (editor), Tyson Ryder (photographer)

In most Western and Westernized cultures, the reality of death is a subject that we avoid because it makes us uncomfortable. Even participants in religions that celebrate death as a release to a paradisiacal realm will avoid talking about or facing the death experience, unless it’s through the lens of their religious beliefs. The rest of us tap dance around the subject, enjoying death-related fiction involving vampires, zombies, and serial killers, while we recoil in mind-numbing horror at the thought of being in the same room with a corpse. Chelsea Tolman is a funeral director, mortician, and embalmer with over 15 years experience. In her book, “Speaking of the Dead”, she attempts to provide the balm that allows us to engage in the real world of death’s circumstances and give us a peek behind the curtain at what it’s like to be a professional in the death industry.

236 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 17, 2018

Reviews

[Jocelyn Soriano · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book "Speaking of The Dead" by Chelsea L. Tolman stands out in many ways. First, it is a personal account of the experiences of the author as a mortician and a funeral director, an authentic narrative, without the usual exaggeration often shown by the media. Second, it deals with the subject of grief and loss from the first-hand encounter with those who mourn the death of their loved ones. And last but not the least, without being preachy, it tackles the subject of death and the importance of living our lives with the time given us.

"Speaking of The Dead" not only speaks about death. It speaks so much about life and the people who are left behind by those who passed away. In a way, it enables us to reflect about our own lives, what it is that we really want and what it is that would truly matter in the end.

I think I have never cried so much before while reading a book for review. This book really tugged at my heart in so many ways. There are books we just want to finish or read only once. And then there are books that are like treasured possessions. The ones we want to read over and over again. The ones we remember most because they have allowed us to dig deeper into the mystery of who we really are.

[Robert Hagle · Rating 2 out of 5]

A slow read and many grammatical errors

I don't know if it's because there are so many typos, but the book was difficult for me to connect with. The topic and individual stories are interesting. Yet, there is still something in the way it was written that makes it hard to take the author seriously or want to finish the book.

[Anita Keeler · Rating 3 out of 5]

A detailed account of American funeral practices - spoiler alert for content

This book is clearly the result of deep personal experience and empathy for the grieving. The author does not seek to sensationalise or depersonalise the funeral practices and reactions of those left behind so in that respect a great read with no padding or repetition of topics. Each chapter covers a discrete subject and neatly boxes them in short punchy anecdotes or experiences which is a style I really enjoy.

Unfortunately the extremely poor writing style and lack of attention to spelling, tense, person and choice of synonym detracts from the content constantly. Flipping between present tense first person the past tense third person sometimes in the same sentence let-alone the same paragraph, especially in the beginning chapters of the book. I rarely find first person, especially present tense accounts satisfying, even in action packed thrillers so maybe it is my predisposition to dislike this particular writing style that made it feel so jarring.

This book does deal with the topics of suicide, child death, loneliness, living with long-term frailty etc with great sensitivity. I found two chapters on the authors experience with restless spirits quite disturbing (even as a confirmed atheist and not a believer in supernatural events as a rule) especially struggling to get the chapter on the ‘Angry Man’ out of my head to sleep. If you are of a sensitive nature it might be best to avoid that chapter altogether.

[Cemetery Trekker · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is obvious why a publisher did not see the merit in this work. It's just another in a long line of self-published books by relatively inexperienced funeral professionals trying to convince the world how knowledgeable and important they are. As for giving readers a "peek behind the curtain" that curtain has been torn wide open with so many morticians vying for attention with their blogs, web pages, and videos. Much of the text, especially the parts that delve into funeral practices around the world, seems like a retread of much better written books by morticians. If you're looking to learn more about the deathcare industry there are some excellent books on the subject by esteemed professionals. The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade, by Thomas Lynch is on the top of the list. Ms. Tolman's attempt to call attention to herself and hype this book is embarrassing. Paying to see your book in print does not make you an author. I gave the book two stars out of pity because it must have cost her plenty to get this done.

[Shannon Brown LaFave · Rating 5 out of 5]

While no individual has discovered a means of avoiding death, in many western cultures we fear death and avoid the topic in discussion. However, despite our fears, many of us are curious about what happens after we die, not in the spiritual sense, but what happens to our bodies and how the duties of a funeral director/mortician are performed.

In "Speaking of the Dead", Ms. Tolman takes us into this world of which we have little understanding and provides an interesting and poignant discussion of the topic. Through interesting personal stories we learn much including how different cultures approach death and how a funeral director handles the death of a child or a close personal friend. I highly recommend this book for everyone who will one day be faced with the death of a family member or friend

[Connie J Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Last Farewell

Thank you Chelsea for your story.
There are so many choices available for that final event of honoring our loved ones. There should be a class given to educate and prepare the living for saying goodbye to the dead.
I'm a widow, surviving his suicide. I'm a sister, passed by my brother as his cancer overtook us in 42 days.
I'm a daughter. I will never get over losing my Dad.
Three funerals, totally different.
I wished I had this book pre-suicide.
If you have any questions about planning a funeral, this book is a great, respectful place to start.
Funerals 101!
Thank you again Ms. Tolman.

[John Michael Burris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think Speaking of The Dead was well-researched and well written. I especially liked that this book was written by a woman. There have been tons of books on the death industry written by men but only a few by women and this is the best of the lot. Chelsea Tolman has written a concise, often heart wrenching story of a profession that everyone secretly wants to know about but is too intimidated or afraid of being gross to inquire. This book reaches every aspect of death from the initial pick-up of the body to burial and everything and I truly mean everything that happens in between

[Lindsay King · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book because the author seems genuinely passionate about her life’s work. As the book progresses, the grammatical errors and typos substantially increase and the writing becomes choppier, which sapped my motivation to finish it. I envision the author as an athlete running out of steam at the end of a race who is more focused on rationing oxygen to make it to the finish line than breathing life into stories desperately gasping for air.

[Amity Davies · Rating 5 out of 5]

Speaking of the Dead was a great read. Chelsea's stories make you laugh, cry & are just plain entertaining. This book is a fascinating look into the life of a funeral director who deeply cares for the people and families that she cares for.

[Jamie Kennedy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I completely disagree with Cemetery Trekkers review. This book is touching, raw, honest, tender and so very well written. If you've ever wanted a COMPASSIONATE glimpse into the world of what it’s like to be in the funeral business, this is the book for you. Great read!

[Alison Fenwick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read

I loved this book. It was sad yet funny. To get an insight into this work was amazing and something that has fascinated me.

The book was well written and I could not stop reading it.

[Kari · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Speaking of The Dead" is a short collection of stories from the funeral director who experienced them. Reading this book was like listening to Chelsea tell you the stories in person. Her style of writing has a lot of character and heart to it, it truly feels like you are just listening to a friend tell you about their day at work. Some of the stories were very emotional and caused me to shed a few tears, and some had a bit of humor. Which is par for the subject of Death itself, there is sadness, humor, and humility. The author went to great lengths to make sure her stories of her experiences with the families she served were compassionate and respectful. This was an easy book to read, it was enjoyable from beginning to end. My only complaint is that it wasn't edited very well, there were many grammatical errors. It did not take away from the the stories themselves, but it is a shame that this wonderful book had any errors at all.

If you are a fan of the Death Positive movement and enjoy the subject matter, I would recommend this book to you. Death is never easy, but to read the perspective of the people providing the care to the grief stricken family members they serve, is refreshing and heartwarming. It takes a very special person to be in the funeral business, you are helping people in their most vulnerable of times. I hope read more books from Chelsea Tolman in the future!

[Sam Tolman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read, author style of writing is superb and book content invigorating and genuine.