Parenting Is Hard and Then You Die: A Fun but Honest Look at Raising Kids of All Ages Right

by David E. Clarke

Parenting Is Hard and Then You Die provides a biblical and comprehensive strategy for raising healthy kids in a world that is morally bankrupt, spiritually desolate, and increasingly dangerous. That strategy is clear and specific, rooted in the Bible, proved successful, and communicated in a fun, entertaining way.

Dr. David Clarke has written many books on family. This book stands out for all of the following:
Extremely practical
Clarke's trademark humor
Gives good attention to the teen years
Strategies tested in his own home and by counseling clients

Genres: Parenting

272 pages, Paperback

Published July 9, 2019

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Dr. David Clarke is a Christian psychologist, speaker, and the author of seven books, including Kiss Me Like You Mean It. A graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary and Western Conservative Baptist Seminary, he has been in full-time private practice for over 20 years. He lives in Florida. William G. Clarke has been a marriage and family therapist for over 30 years. A former Campus Crusade for Christ director and founder of the Marriage and Family Enrichment Center, he lives in Florida.

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not saying there were no good ideas in this book, but I will say there were very few. I will attempt to keep my rant on this book short.

My biggest issue with this book was the lack of biblical backing. A lot of advice was given and some scripture thrown in, but there were a lot of sections that just honestly lacked a God-focused approach.

This guy's humor was often in poor taste. He might have thought it was funny to talk about kids in a disparaging way and teens with a total lack of respect at all, but I didn't find it funny. The whole book lacked the biblical idea that children are a blessing. I get sarcasm, but it has to be balanced with the truth. There was none of that.

His chapters on discipline were awful. While I agree with using spanking on young children and even occasionally using a reward system, his system lacked love, grace, and the gospel. Sure, it might be effective at getting kids to act right, but I'm glad my parents didn't come to discipline with this guy's attitude. His ideas were punitive, often mean, and lacked the grace of the gospel. My parents came to discipline with love and redemption in mind, not just getting me to behave. Whatever methods my husband and I choose to use, I want to approach it the same way.

The section on teens was horrible. He assumes they're going to be awful. He had some good, practical advice but mostly it was demeaning and assuming the worst about these years.

Yeah, I won't be rereading this book or suggesting it to my friends.

[Ashlee Kirschner · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would actually rate this 3.5 stars.

I found a big chunk of this book very useful (most all of the middle portion) and am going to implement a lot of his parenting suggestions.

The writing style was ... okay. I often felt like he was speaking at mock speed without taking a breath. He says he is sarcastic, but I often found his sarcasm over the top and mean. Sarcasm is often a veil for hiding a lot of crap.

Secondly, I did not agree with a lot of his suggestions for blended families. Having never grown up in or been a part of a blended family, I found his advice derogatory and ill informed. My spouse is divorced and came into our marriage not only with divorce as a background, but also a 3 year old son. My spouse also grew up in multiple blended family environments (from his parents changing partners multiple times).

Anyhow one example in particular, we did not agree with was that biological children can only be disciplined by biological parents. Josh (my spouse) hated that his stepmom would basically love up her biological children and only discipline her biological children. She said, “your kids are your kids. My kids are my kids.” Which created a huge amount of division between the blended family.

When Josh and I got married, we immediately decided we were a team and have striven to treat all our children equally. Which means I (the stepparent) call out all the kids when they act out (no matter if I birthed them or not). My stepson was so young when we got together, but he has always viewed me as an important parental figure that he knows needs to be listened to and respected just like his other parents. We see no separation or division between our children.

[Bridget · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author has a few good ideas for parenting practices that I find helpful. However, he is totally biased against anyone who doesn't share his religious beliefs. I cringed several times when he implied that if you believe in God, that's pretty much the most important thing and if you didn't then you are lacking as a person. He thinks forcing religious belief on others is an effective strategy in getting them to do what you want. All it really does is give you two faced kids. Being a Christian isn't the be all end all. You can be a good person with strong morals and not believe in God. Or be agnostic. Just because you go to church on Sunday doesn't mean that you're a good person.

One thing he mentions is that parents should not disagree in front of children, but should go to a private place to discuss differences and then present a united front to their children. While there is value in doing this on occasion, if you don't work through disagreements in front of children, how will they know how to do it in their future relationships (or with siblings)? They won't. They need to see you effectively modeling positive and respectful behaviors.

Also, it seemed like the negative examples (besides the ex-husband one) used feminine pronouns. What?! It just got my feathers ruffled.

I probably wouldn't have listened to this book except that it was the only one "available now" at my library. I was hoping for a better book with more take aways. What I got was the impression that no one can fix my kids' behavioral problems like I can if I just spend some time with them. I want a fix all and to pay someone else to get into the trenches. But it's really my job to do that. So the past few days I've been trying to be more present in my kids' lives. Especially because we're quarantined with the rest of the world to flatten the coronavirus curve.

[Karen Hutchinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I downloaded this book to see if I wanted to get it for my son and daughter in law, who are expecting their first child, and to see if I wanted to add it to our church library. My conclusion: both!

Dr. CLarke has a humorous way of communicating which I think most people will connect with. He also breaks each chapter up into shorter topics which makes for easier readability.

Thanks to the publisher and net galley for providing a copy of this book.

[Alisha Gill · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn’t even finish this book. Instead of humor and a light hearted approach to the hard parts of parenting it reeked of 90’s evangelical legalism and fear. In order to follow the “advice” that the author lays out you also need to be a very wealthy white couple with 2.5 children… would not be surprised if a white picket fence is in the fine print also.

[Danine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fabulous and funny but also very, to the point on some tough issues. He doesn't pull his punches on the important issues! Really like that all types of families are included. (married, divorced, single, remarried, etc)

[Rachel Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Its a fairly basic read and teaching. Mostly stuff I already know or do. Good reminders of the spiritual part of helping your children develop.

[Janice · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kind of a corny book but gave some practical advice that I’ve never heard from a Christian parenting book.

[Jessa K · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is a foundation for causing religious trauma to your children.

[Ellen Rosenberger · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. It was humorous, to the point, practical and super relevant to my life as a parent right now. I even enjoyed the sections about parenting teenagers even though that stage is farther down the road for me. Aside from what felt to me like an over-simplified/artificial presentation of the Gospel message in one of the earlier chapters, I really liked this book. Lots of helpful tips from a guy who has experience with counseling many families and kids. I'd recommend it to any parent to use along with other resources of course.

[Jessica Hetzel · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just terrible. His attempt at humor makes him sound arrogant. To me, it seems as if he sees children as a nuisance to tolerate until they leave and not image-bearers God has entrusted us to raise in a God-honoring way.

[gisele fominyen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been Normalized!!!!

This is the best book I've read on parenting. I'm forever changed and grateful. I hope one day I'll share my testimony when my children are happily married with these nuggets.