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280 pages, Paperback
First published March 6, 2018



“ “My son showed me, not in speech, but in his daily way, that we are by our nature a kind of measure, that we are measuring each other at every moment”
“I have a sense of myself and I’m sure you have a sense of yourself, and in some ways we attempt to obtain from others a recognition of it. I attempt in meeting you ro ensure that you see who I think I am when you look at me. You do the same. But he does not appear to try very hard to do that.”
“It is so easy for humans to be cruel, and they keep to it. It is an exercise of all their laughable powers”
“How can this enormous conspiracy exist – where everyone has agreed ahead of time that it is completely alright to be hurtful to those harmless people who hurt no one?”
“This is a proof of something I have long believed: that reason and sensical behaviour are not always necessary if there exists some small flood of kindness”
“It is true, though, that there is another side, which is that it made it easier to find people who are worthwhile, as they were and are in no way troubled by him, and would enter into an immediate camaraderie. Such a person is difficult to guess at – I would not always have known them from their appearance, for people with innate gentleness and sensitivity are often compelled to hide or disguise it”
It was my son who prepared me for this work, my son who showed me, not in speech, but in his daily way, that we are by our nature a kind of measure, that we are measuring each other at every moment. This was the census he began at birth, that he continues even now. It was his census that led into ours, into our taking of the census, our travel north.
It was his life, his way of thinking that made the work of the census seem possible, even inevitable.
It is not easy to write a book about someone you know, much less someone long dead, when the memories you have of him are like some often trampled garden. I didn’t see exactly how it could be done, until I realised I would make a book that was hollow. I would place him in the middle of it, and write around him for the most part. He would be there in his effect.
We felt lucky to have had him, and lucky to become the ones who were continually with him, caring for him. I have read some books of philosophy in which the freedom of burdens is explained, that somehow we are all seeking some appropriate burden. Until we find it, we are horribly shackled, can in fact scarcely live.
Gerhard Mutter, seemingly a man, but in fact, the pen name of Lotta Werter, who led a public life as the mayor of a German town near Stuttgart, wrote compulsively her entire life about cormorants. To her, everything applied to them. Whatever principles she discovered day by day, they seemed mysteriously entwined with those dark nimble eyes, with that whispering, wild ungraspable diving. It must be a terrible thing, she writes, again and again in the same words (she uses the same sentences again and again – to the point where it ceases to be self-plagiarism and must be seen as a refrain), it must be a terrible thing, she writes, to be a fish, and know that a cormorant has observed you. It isn't terrible to die, she thinks. It is simply terrible to be observed, and therefore to be somehow in helpless peril. There is no distance a fish can go, she writes, that will save it. From the moment at which it is noticed, the fish is permitted a sort of grace that will be concluded, excruciatingly, with the bayonet of the beak.
"Most of all it was my son who prepared me for this work, my son who showed me, not in speech, but in his daily way, that we are by nature a kind of measure, that we are measuring each other at every moment. This was the census he began at birth, that he continues even now. It was his census that led into ours, into our taking of the census, our travel north."
"The census taker does not arrive as a child to a doll’s house, all seeing, all comprehending. We do not pry off the roof to investigate. In fact, the situation is quite the opposite. It is we who have no freedom, we who are bound to a running wheel that moves on a fixed path a thousand miles to its end with nary a moment to breathe or smile.