Into the Deep: An Unlikely Catholic Conversion

by Abigail Favale

Into the Deep traces one woman's spiritual odyssey from birthright evangelicalism through postmodern feminism and, ultimately, into the Roman Catholic Church. As a college student, Abigail Favale experienced a feminist awakening that reshaped her life and faith. A decade later, on the verge of atheism, she found herself entering the oldest male-helmed institution on the planet--the last place she expected to be.  With humor and insight, the author describes her gradual exodus from Christian orthodoxy and surprising swerve into Catholicism. She writes candidly about grappling with wounds from her past, Catholic sexual morality, the male priesthood, and an interfaith marriage. Her vivid prose brings to life the wrenching tumult of conversion--a conversion that began after she entered the Church and began to pry open its mysteries. There, she discovered the startling beauty of a sacramental cosmos, a vision of reality that upended her notions of gender, sexuality, identity, and authority. Into the Deep is a thoroughly twenty-first-century conversion, a compelling account of recovering an ancient faith after a decade of doubt.

Genres: Catholic, Memoir, Religion, Nonfiction, Biography, Faith, Christian

202 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 6, 2018

Reviews

[Katie Marquette · Rating 4 out of 5]

From Evangelicalism to post-modern Christianity to secular feminism to Roman Catholicism - the winding road Abigail Favale walked toward cohesive faith is incredibly engaging. As a Catholic convert myself, I related to many of the struggles Favale brings up - from inconsistent definitions of feminism to a disillusionment with biblical-based religion... And finally a somewhat surprising and radical engagement with and ultimate acceptance of Catholicism. Favale's depth of thought and honest confrontation of difficult and controversial issues is extremely compelling. I would encourage anyone - atheist, Christan, Buddhist, agnostic - to read this book. A very rare achievement - this book does not shame, condemn, or prostelatize, but rather conveys an intellectual and emotional journey with compassion and vulnerability.

[Josh Cayetano · Rating 5 out of 5]

This spiritual autobiography by Abigail Favale, a former professor of mine who I highly respect, can be described in one word: courageous. Her journey into the heart of Catholicism is nothing less than a journey into a full self-giving to the Beloved.

[Ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

I guess I expected this to be a heady memoir about a philosophical conversion. And it is that in all the right measure. But I was not prepared for what an incredibly gifted, poetic writer the author is. Nor for the sublime storytelling. The subtitle does not do this book justice. Halfway through, you may think to yourself "oh this is a great story, but I see where this is going." Reader, you do not. You do not see where this is going. My favorite book of the year, maybe the last five years. Highly recommend.

[Meg Boyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Why have I been rescued from the abyss, while people I love continue to live there, on its yawning edge?”
This story dispenses hope! Let your heart be a reflection of the Word.

[Erin Livs · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've appreciated Favale's work on gender (Her more recent and popular book is The Genesis of Gender) and was curious to hear her conversion story. This did not disappoint. She's an incredibly good writer (perk of being a college prof) and her story was gripping. If you can find a copy, you'll enjoy it.

[Miranda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Compelling and beautifully written. The second half is not quite as well structured as the first, but equally lovely in its own, more theological way.

[Natalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Memoirs, especially those of conversion to a faith I love, are extremely difficult to rate on any type of scale. That said, I related to many parts of Abigail's journey, but others I was at odds with.

My conversion to Catholicism lead me to see my feminist ideals not at odds with the Church, but something to aspire to embody with even more fervor. I do not believe feminism to threaten or harm the Church, but rather has the potential to embolden it with the Light of the Holy Spirit.

I suppose if I have any grievances with this deeply beautiful, personal story of conversion, it would be that there was not room made for those Catholics who have fundamental disagreements with some Church teachings, yet are committed to it nonetheless. The Catholic Church has many priests, as well as those consecrated to religious life, who believe as the Church lives and breathes, so should she be open to admittance of wrongs and continual submission to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I believe historically we've seen the Church repent and reevaluate certain aspects of its teachings/traditions. I hold out much prayerful hope for further various changes as I choose to raise my own children in this faith.

For this author, clearly feminism did not draw her nearer to Christ, and this had to be reevaluated and in many ways surrendered. Yet, as an evangelical convert to Catholicism myself, not having had the same experience, I found myself only able to offer up grace for our differences rather than finding solidarity. And yet, I think the Holy Spirit and the Body of Christ makes room for these differences as we strive to walk out our imperfect faith.

[Tyler Lund-Hansen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book because Emily loved it. (She often interrupted my reading by reading selections of this book to me.) The author, Abigail Rine Favale, is an old professor of Emily's, and the book chronicles her spiritual autobiography from evangelical, to post-modern agnostic, to devout Catholic. Her writing is witty, clear, engaging. Her content is fascinating. Her ability to articulate her inner life is superb. Most of all, she translates the experience of becoming a Catholic remarkably well to those of us who are not Catholic. No matter what your spiritual biography, reading hers will make you want to better understand your own, and grow in the love that the author found.

[Eliza Sims · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compelling and winsome account of her conversion story, Favale recounts her journey to Catholicism in a manner similar to Augustine’s confessions as she looks back on her life. She journeys through her worldview as a “post-modern feminist” and recovers for the reader a thoroughly Catholic femininity. Favale does not shy away from hard questions but provides a compelling response from church teachings and experiences in her own life.
A great read, filled with funny anecdotes, yet also very moving.

[Tim Healy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Contemporary Conversion

This book helps us understand what finding a pearl beyond price is like, and what selling all one has to obtain it involves. I admire the honesty and courage that it took to write this story.

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was excellent. Beautiful, honest and raw prose drew me in quickly. I appreciated that it was academic without the weighty or pompous feeling that these stories can sometimes carry. Her narrative of her journey through feminism to Catholicism was nuanced and compelling.

[sare · Rating 3 out of 5]

a frustrating book! the memoir parts were very good but they were too often interrupted by apologetic bits, which the author is less gifted in writing

[Mary VanPoppelen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for writing this book!

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is excellent. Well written, compelling, and so thoughtful. In light of things I’ve been thinking about, this book was so timely!

[Beka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written and so engaging. In many ways, it echoed my own heart.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a cradle Catholic reading Abigail's story was a renewal of my faith. It brings up lots of the questions facing Catholic women in today's society.

[landrejczyk · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was incredible! I am a Presbyterian, but I go to a Catholic school and one of my teachers recommended this to me to kind of hear my thoughts as a protestant. And I really like this book. Her story is really incredible and it points to a huge trend among evangelical christians as well. It was a really raw story and the author was incredibly frank about her struggles and realizations which was so great. Overall, it’s an important story and I’m so glad that I got a chance to hear it.

[Katie Fitzgerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

This well-written and thought-provoking memoir explores one woman's journey to the Catholic faith by exploring how her feminist outlook and career in academia influenced her religious beliefs over time. Even though I'm a cradle Catholic, I love to read conversion stories as they often shed new light on the teachings of the church. I especially loved this one for the way it promotes the use of reason to come to conclusions about who God is and how Catholics see him. The writing was also really enjoyable, a great mix of lovely descriptions and erudite arguments. I'm really glad that Haley Stewart mentioned it on her blog!

[Corrinne · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. As with The Genesis of Gender, Favale’s writing here is rich and poetic. Her story is largely different from my own, but her rich descriptions of her faith struck my heart and made me excited to grow in faith myself.

[Christian Raab, OSB · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very special book. Favale writes with humor and humility (related virtues for sure). She is also very smart and an excellent writer which equips her to present beautifully the very beauty that attracted her to back to faith and to the Catholic Church. This is a memoir. Accordingly, the first part of the book portrays the author's spiritual journey from growing up as an Evangelical Christian to flirting with Anglicanism to wrestling with and for awhile rejecting faith in light of her discovery of feminism and post-modern philosophy during her academic studies (Favale is a college professor). She remains God haunted though and ultimately finds her way into the Catholic Church, almost, we get the sense, despite herself. Her conversion story doesn't stop here, however. She continues to seek and wrestle with truth. In the second part of the book she presents her findings and in the process gives us several masterful chapters which show just how beautiful truth is, even and especially what many would consider the hardest truths. The book has made many readers think of St. Augustine's Confessions and that makes sense because Favale is both a transparent co-sojourner and theologically sophisticated teacher in the spirit of the bishop of Hippo. The book I thought of though when reading it was Scott and Kimberly Hahn's Rome Sweet Home. Perhaps this will be a Rome Sweet Home for the Millenial generation.

[Elinor · Rating 5 out of 5]

A unique and powerful conversion story. I found Favale's reflections on motherhood especially beautiful.

[E · Rating 5 out of 5]

Essential reading for anyone curious about Catholicism.

[Ruth M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting conversion story

Once again, it shows that there are many doors into the Church. It always amazes me how all of us converts are pulled in in such diverse manners.

[Alexandria Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book. Abigail Favale traces her faith journey from the evangelical bubble within a Mormon bubble that she was raised from, to adopting a feminist worldview, a stint as an Anglican, then a devolution toward non belief, her long dark night of the soul you might say that lasted years, and then finally her conversion to Catholicism. My faith journey mirrors Favale in that I was raised in an evangelical Calvinist bubble, and while never embracing the anti motherhood and Marxist strains within feminism I have no qualms about adopting the moniker feminist. Sometimes that’s just to spite conservatives that reject it wholesale lol. Favale’s journey to the Church, always being contrasted with the evangelical faith she grew up in and then the liberal feminist lens she adopted as a young adult, really shows how the Catholic Church truly is the fullness of the faith. Favales evangelical upbringing didn’t protect her from the lies of radical left feminism nor her descent toward atheism, in fact they laid the groundwork for those phases. What Favale was looking for in feminism, she ended up finding in Catholicism. This mirrors my own journey. I became obsessed with the evangelical debate between complementarinism vs egalitarianism for a time. The church that I grew up in exclusively taught complementarinism without giving egalitarian arguments a hearing. I was unsatisfied with the complementarian view and was attracted to the egalitarian view for awhile but also found it unsatisfactory. Turns out, Christianity divorced from the sacraments and the communion of the saints is lacking important elements.

The rest of my review are quotes from the book

Pg 62 “there’s this thing in Catholic theology called actual grace. I grew up with the ditty that mercy is not receiving something you deserve and grace is receiving something you don’t deserve - but grace, for Catholics, isn’t merely a disposition of God toward people. Grace is a substance, like supernatural sap, a dose of the life and power of God within us.”

Pg 91 “what the Eucharist is and does can explain why one must be part of the Catholic Church to take communion during Mass. Understand this requires entering, as reformed theologian Karl Barth called it, “the damnable Catholic ‘and.’” The Eucharist is not just a symbol. As sacrament, it is symbol and reality. It is an efficacious symbol, which transmits the reality it represents. If it is just a symbol, Flannery O’Connor is right: to hell with it.

Pg 101 “ in essence, my Bible alone evangelicalism and my newfound feminist faith were at odds, and I tried to make peace through the magical art of hermeneutics..

Pg 102-103 “without a connection to sacred tradition or the teaching authority of the Church, this crucial interpretive role is ultimately filled by the individual”

Pg 103 …the sola scriptura faith of my youth that emphasized an individualistic, emotional relationship with God did not protect me from the New Volunteerism (she defines as “I decide what is real, good,” etc)

Pg 104 “…I see the problem of authority as a the Achilles heel of Protestantism”

Pg 115 “it is difficult, perhaps impossible, to make a comparison between a Catholic Mass and the evangelical church services of my upbringing. Stripped of the Eucharist, there is no divine drama being staged, there is merely the word, and words about the word, but the Word never becomes flesh for his people to touch and taste”

Pg 116 In the Protestantism of my youth and the feminism that followed, debates surrounding gender tended to focus more on doing than being. YUP DEFINITELY have noticed that in Protestant circles.

Pg 121 “When I look back at my birthright evangelicalism, it’s as if the feminine aspects of the faith have been lopped off: there’s no Mary, no genealogy of heroic female saints, no visible Church as our mother, no Mass with its iconography of the bridegroom and bride, no sacramental understanding of our bodies as sacred signs.” PREACH!! Yes and amen. “ I rightly sensed that something was amiss in this version of Christianity, that it was too monolithically masculine, that anything feminine was sidelined and relegated. In that religious context, the masculine metaphors, in isolation from their female counterpart, were harsh and unremitting like banging out a melody using only the lower keys on a piano.”

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

An engaging mostly-memoir, part-apologetic by a highly educated, professional woman who left her Evangelical Protestant upbringing, spent a brief stint in Anglicanism and a long stint as a spiritual or Christian-lite academic feminist (which included the period during which she married her husband), before finding her way "into the deep" of traditional Catholicism.

The first half of the book is the more memoir-forward, narrating the author's life from adolescence through all the various paradigms of spiritual orientation (some more spiritual than others) that she adopts prior to finding her way into the Catholic Church. The major transition comes not with her baptism into the Church, though, but with the birth of her first child around a year later; she describes this as the "inward conversion" that begins after her outward conversion. She returns to the "into the deep" metaphorical framing but also admits that it's not a completely apt fit, because it's not a process of steady drifting deeper, but rather a series of minor epiphanies, "intermittent flares so bright and sudden they obliterated the way I used to see."

The last half of the book is still set in memoir framing, but is largely a tour de force of both the preaching and practices of traditional Catholicism, from the perspective of a woman gradually embracing them in her own life post-conversion and post-motherhood--both the outward signs and behaviors that tend to mark more traditional Catholics as well as a defense of some of the Church's most challenging or countercultural doctrines vis-a-vis the modern world and particularly via academic feminist circles. Examples of the former (outward signs) include the chapel veil, the reception of the Eucharist kneeling and on the tongue, regular Reconciliation, the Liturgy of the Hours, Marian consecration, and attendance at more traditional forms of the Mass (she gives an example of a Dominican parish); examples of the latter include the belief in the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, the reservation of Holy Orders to men, and sexual complementarity.

The final chapter of the book is an interesting coda because it involves the author's husband, who at this point is grounded in the one spiritual paradigm that the author herself never really fell into in all of her spiritual journey, which is also the dominant paradigm of our age: scientific materialism. The book ends on an ambiguous but hopeful (from the author's perspective) note on that front, but not with the HEA ending of her husband's conversion. The upshot is that neither in the primary memoir's narrative nor in this little aside at the end is there a story of a scientific materialist reaching the "deep" that the author has found.

Thus, I think the book will resonate most with those who, like the author, (1) have an Evangelical Protestant upbringing, (2) are disillusioned or disenchanted with Evanglical culture, but (3) also have never been at home in a purely material world. Some of the inward-conversion moments will make little sense or seem too "et voila!" for someone already comfortably viewing the world through a predominantly scientific materialist lens.

[Laura Larrain · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given this book three years ago in a Theology class at Notre Dame. I had reached the ending chapters, but never actually finished it. I liked it! In a way that I liked and was enamored with any conversion story I read at the time—child-like, innocence thinking that conversions were sweet, beautiful and effortless. A new found goal to read 20 books by the end of the year led me to pick up this book once more—“I’ve already read most of it. This would be an easy one to check off the list.” But I found myself starting again all the way back on page 38 as I received a little nudge that in order to understand it in its entirety I needed to remind myself of the content I had long since forgotten. And although I had already read each word, each sentence the book quickly took on an entirely new meaning. The phrase that certain books are for a certain time fits well here. There had been aspects of life that I was so clueless, so ignorant to at the time I picked it up for the first time, but my experiences, my sufferings over the past 3 years have opened my eyes to truth in this book that I could only understand superficially back then. There was another event while reading this, that I like to think was a little act of providence, that brought newfound understanding to the essence of true conversion. Just a day after restarting the book, I had a friend reach out to tell me they were converting to Catholicism. Quickly, the experiences of the author felt more personal. I had a small glimpse into the grueling, painful and terrifying experience that deep conversion really is. I had a small glimpse into the heart of converts, a world invisible to my eyes and it brought a new found assurance that my vulnerable prayers were not, are never, in vain.

Favale’s book was beautiful as well as intellectually stimulating, something I have long missed since graduating undergrad. There were so many instances in which I had to close the book and sit with the wisdom she revealed with her gorgeous prose. It was simply so realistic, displaying conversion not as a single, fleeting epiphany that changed the trajectory of her life, but rather an often confusing, grueling and slow process in which Christ breaks down her walls and replaces her heart with his. Wow, just wow. I loved this book and I hope you read it. :)

[nancy e smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

“My earliest religious memory is not really my own.”

Favale showed up on my podcast feed—can’t remember which one now—and I’m a sucker for religious memoirs, processing vicariously, I guess. I know or follow a number of people who have become Catholic converts, and the move from fundamentalist/evangelical to Catholic—often by way of Episcopalian—interests me. I mean, let’s be honest: when I grew up, Catholics were papists, idolators, in dire need of praying the sinner’s prayer. Favale’s story is similar to my own, up until it’s not: questioning that leads to a break with the evangelical church. But Favale kept going. The most interesting premise to me was her new view of the Bible. I agree with her that evangelicals almost make the Bible an idol. (When I read a church’s statement of faith, I notice that “the Bible is the inerrant Word of God” often comes first, before the acknowledgement of a loving Creator.) Anyway, she began to view the Bible differently and consider the possibility that the history and tradition of the church (Church?) was more reliable. That’s probably the wrong word, reliable. But you get the idea. So she wandered into mass and into Catholic training (I forget the term) and then into her first confession and the Eucharist. Favale is a beautiful writer: clearly her relationship with the Church has made sense to her. She is a historian, and the church fathers and mothers are bringing her peace. The architecture of the churches help her worship. I confess that when I went into an old cathedral in Europe, I could think only of the people who gave their money and time to a corporation, believing the sacrifice would lead them to heaven. I cannot separate the corruption of churches from the goodness that must reside there also. And when she began to talk about how she finally embraced the church’s teaching about birth control and the male priesthood, I jumped off her track. To think that ancient life and marriage necessarily informing our life today is too much. I even thought—that little evangelical left in me—that the Bible doesn’t say much about birth control. (Sure, quiversful, however you get there.) I could go on, talking to myself. But in many ways, it’s a beautiful memoir, as much an indictment of her evangelical, purity culture upbringing, as a praise of her new faith.

[Erica · Rating 2 out of 5]

You know that feeling when you're reading an exvangelical atheist's description of Christianity and why they left it? And you spend the whole time like, yeah, that does sound pretty bad, and it's fine that you left it but also you never really got past fundie youth group and that's a super immature version of Christianity in the first place, that's not all Christianity is for everyone everywhere? That's a little bit how I felt reading this book. Your options are not third wave choice feminism vs. complementarianism, or "ecumenically invoking the four winds at the start of a prayer service in a church" vs. TLM, man.

The book reads less as a Catholic conversion story and more as a pendulum swing from evangelical fundamentalism & teenage rebellion -> "deconstructed" Christianity distorted in choice feminism's image -> traditionalism and complementarianism (maybe? Favale's non-believing husband wordlessly takes over as the family's "spiritual head" at the end of the book, but she never unpacks what that means exactly). Each phase is a description of how she reacted to the last. She never outright says, "And the only possible response to [correctly] realizing how shallow and weak empowerment feminism is, is to become a complementarian again but Catholic this time," but she never acknowledges that it isn't, either.

[Chrisanne]

Memoir--- so not rated.

I really enjoyed Favale's The Genesis of Gender but I thought it lacked her personal story and, lo and behold, here it is!

Favale writes well (or has a skilled editor and both could be true). Her words and ideas seem to naturally flow and explain complicated ideas in clear prose. There's a lot here to unpack and, while I didn't agree with everything, I thought there were some really thought-provoking observations. If anything, I think her chapter about mixed-faith marriage is so graciously written. The chapter about purity culture will make you mad(the hypocrisy and the virtue signaling and the shaming!), but also give you some good thoughts to grapple with. Her thoughts about feminism and patriarchy which are scattered throughout the book are really interesting but also somewhat duplicated in Genesis. There's a lot to chew on for almost anyone.

I did struggle a bit with the end. I get that it's a memoir so open-ended is a given. But I felt that there might have been a better paragraph to add. But it wouldn't keep me from a reread.

[Anita Yoder · Rating 4 out of 5]

The tone of this book reminded me often of Rosaria Butterfield's Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert. Both authors speak about their deep commitment to research, logic, and authenticity in their search for spiritual meaning and fulfillment. Both write with stunning clarity about the vagaries of tangled emotions and logic that comprise a faith journey of deep soul change.
Part of the fun of reading this book was reading Abigail's other book at the same time: The Genesis of Gender, and hearing some of the same story in the same voice but with a different focus.
I appreciate her honesty about her spiritual journey, and the way she untangles various points of doctrine/theology, explaining what she used to believe/live, and how/why she changed. I enjoyed her mystical moments, and have a lot of space for mysticism myself, but remain unconvinced about her Mariology. There were too many leaps to make, too many questions she didn't answer, for me to follow or understand. Still, I like her story and her spirit.