Not radically new in principles, but does offer some helpful perspective.
We fret and worry and waste unnecessary time trying to remedy situations in which we have no business and where our perfectly powdered noses don’t belong.
What we must do is determine the difference between being conscientious (our part) and being in control (God’s job).
We intellectually believe he does what is best for the world in general, but practically we behave as if in our individual situations, we still know what’s best.
there is vast freedom in pursuing a life lived out of our own control.
As Jesus went through his earthly life, he had a plumb line— a solid starting point of reference on which he based all of his decisions. It was straightforward and uncomplicated: he came to do his Father’s will by glorifying him while on earth (John 17:1).
So when it comes to a purchase, an activity, an event, a friendship, a hobby, or a pastime, I ask myself, “Is this a tool, a toy, or a tangent?”
After more than forty years of being female, I have come to a bold and harsh realization: Someone is always going to rearrange my building blocks. Or move my dolls. Or alter my circumstances. Or disappoint my child. Or mess with my schedule. Or paint a picture of my character, however false. And oftentimes I really have no say in the matter.
Our only solution is to cultivate the gentle art of acceptance, of learning not to ask “Why me?” but rather “What am I supposed to learn at this junction of life that will make me a better person and draw me closer to God?” We shouldn’t pout, asking God to get us out of the circumstances. Instead of crying, “Lord, get me out of here!” we should instead be praying, “Lord, why have you brought me here?”
When we willingly accept our lot in life, welcoming all that God is trying to teach us through it, we lose the drive to over- control, to micromanage in an all- out attempt to appear perfect and ensure everything in our lives is “just so.”
As a result, our nerves will be calmed. Our stress level will deflate. Our tasks will be less about work and more about worship. Our decisions will become easier. We will experience more joy and be strapped with less worry. Past experiences will begin to make sense. Our present will seem more doable. Our future will actually begin to come into focus. The pretense of perfection will fade away, and a stunningly striking authenticity will be reflected instead. Life becomes not about self but all about the Savior.
I’ve learned that it’s more important to recognize and praise effort and diligence than outcome and performance.
We can mentally ask ourselves questions that will empower us to maintain calm emotions and keep a healthy perspective. Questions like … “Does it matter now?” “Will it matter tomorrow?” “Will it affect eternity?” “Is God trying to teach me something? If so, what?” “Can I pause and praise instead of interrupt and instigate?” “Is there really an issue here that needs addressing with my child?” “Am I just being a control freak, and do I need to let it go?”
Counsel is giving advice and guidance in a gentle but direct way that helps the person seeking the instruction. Counsel is not barking. Counsel is not belittling.
Yes, we should be conscientious, giving counsel; but we should not be controlling, or complaining with criticism.
The fire doesn’t ignite suddenly when the question is posed or the rule is broken or the household way isn’t followed. Its kindling goes waaaaay back— back to expectations and perceptions.
Amy Carmichael first uttered this concept: “If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love. For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.” 3
Say yes because you feel called, not because you consider yourself capable .
Seek margin. And space.
changing our circumstances rarely changes us.
Esther is the scriptural role model for how to control what you should and trust God with what you can’t. And, more importantly, how to decide which is which!
When we even subconsciously think we can control the situation and the outcome but fall short, we may succumb to situational depression. We must remember that God is God and we are not. We must look to him for our role in the scenario being played out. How should we respond? What should we do? How should we pray?
fast from other things— like talking about the people involved in the situation,
Decide where to glance and where to gaze
God is waiting eagerly to respond with new strength to each little act of self- control, small disciplines of prayer, feeble searching after him. And his children shall be filled if they will only hunger and thirst after what he offers. Richard Holloway
there is the real issue. What is best? Do we always know? And how do we know the difference between what we should try to control and what we should let go of?
Soul control is when we speak God’s truth to ourselves. Soul control is when we recognize that life isn’t fair— that others who seem evil prosper, while the righteous seem to flail about. Soul control is when we pause to remember our place. And God’s. Soul control is learning to idle our brains before we engage our mouths, thereby saving ourselves a boatload of heartache, wounded relationships, and regret. Soul control is when we stop— sometimes midsentence— and realign our thinking and resulting actions with God’s Word. Soul control is when we finally realize that it is only God who has sole control over the universe. We do not. And even though it appears that sometimes people, or even Satan, control the situation, they don’t. Soul control is a fresh dose of perspective amid the turmoil of life that can transform a control- freak woman (who has wounded only with her words perhaps, but killed nonetheless) into a woman who, like transformed David, follows hard after God’s heart.
What does God want me to learn about him that I might never discover if he were to suddenly pluck me out of this situation? • What Christlike character traits is he trying to grow in me— patience, trust, compassion, faith? • Who is watching— either up close or from afar— and discovering what God is like by my reactions to my current situation? • How might my empathy for others deepen if I go through this current trial with grace and acceptance? • What is God trying to say to me, not by the outcome, but through the voyage?
Father, may I learn the secret Paul knew and live it well. I want to be content in whatever circumstances you place me instead of trying my best to wiggle out of them. Teach me to look for you in the midst of what might seem a less- than- lovely situation. I want my heart to no longer be disturbed or disquieted but instead to be confident in and content with you and you alone. I know you already know what is best for me. Help me to see and know it too. Amen .