My Life as a Sister Wife: What You Don't Know Can Hurt You

by Karen Miller

As a young girl, Karen Miller lived a quiet life in Australia. She never imagined when she grew up, she'd be lured into a polygamous marriage, spend her spare time dumpster diving to feed her kids, and fighting to escape her increasingly demented husband.

How was she lured into such a lifestyle? What was day to day life like in the polygamous community? What eventually drove Miller to seek a new way of life?

My Life As a Sister What You Don't Know Can Hurt You is the gripping, true-life story of Miller's life, beginning with her traumatic childhood and ending with her eventual freedom from a polygamous cult in Utah.

Genres: Nonfiction

223 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 13, 2018

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. Please see this thread for more details.

Also writes as "K.E. Mills"

Lord, do you really want to know?

Oh, all right.

I was born in Vancouver, Canada, and came to Australia with my parents when I was 2. I think. Dad’s an Aussie, Mum’s English, go figure. Talk about Fate and Destiny. But three passports come in handy.

I’ve always lived in Sydney, except when I didn’t. After graduating with a BA Communications from the then Institute of Technology (now University) a few years ahead of Hugh Jackman, dammit, talk about rotten timing, I headed off to England and lived there for 3 years. It was interesting. I worked for a bunch of nutters in a community health centre and got the sack because I refused to go do EST with them (you stand in the middle of a circle and thank people for hurling verbal abuse at you for your own good, they said, and then were surprised when I said no), was a customer services officer for DHL London (would you believe at one time I knew every single airport code for every single airport in the world, off by heart?!?), got roped into an extremely dubious life insurance selling scheme (I was young and broke, need I say more?) and ended up realizing a life-long dream of working professionally with horses. After 18 grueling months I woke up, and came home.

Since then I’ve done customer service in the insurance and telecommunications industries, been a training officer, PR Officer in local government, production assistant in educational publishing, taught English and Business Communication at TAFE, been a supervisor and run my own sf/fantasy/mystery bookshop. Money for jam, there! I also managed to squeeze in a Master’s Degree in Children’s Literature from Macquarie University.

I used to have horses of my own, and spent lots of time and money showing, breeding, training and judging, but then I came off one time too many and so a large part of my life ended.

When I’m not writing I’m heavily involved in the Castle Hill Players, my local community theatre group, as an actor, director, prompt, stage manager (but not all at once!) and publicity officer.

I’m a story junkie. Books, film, tv ... you name it. Star Wars, Star Trek, Babylon 5, Battlestar Galactica (the new series), Stargate, Firefly, X-Men, Buffy, Angel, Supernatural, The Professionals, Forever Knight, Due South, The West Wing, The Shield, Sandbaggers, Homicide, Wiseguy, The Shield, The Closer ... and the list goes on. And that’s just the media stuff!

I love music. While writing I listen primarily to film soundtracks, because they’ve been written primarily to evoke emotional responses in the listener. This helps access emotion during tough scenes. Plus, the music is pretty. At least the stuff I listen to is. Favourite film composers include Hans Zimmer, Alan Silvestri, James Horner and John Williams. Vocalists I enjoy are Josh Groban, Russell Watson, Sarah McLachlan, Simon and Garfunkel , Queen, The Moody Blues, Steeleye Span, Meatloaf, Mike Oldfield ... anyone who can carry a tune, basically.

In short, I’m an only child with an overactive imagination, 3 dogs, 2 cats and not enough hours in the day. I don’t drink, smoke, or do enough exercise. I make periodic stabs at eating properly. Chocolate is my besetting downfall.

So that’s me. You can wake up now ...

Reviews

[Susan]

Karen Miller's memoir describes her life as a polygamous wife in the previous generation's incarantion of the Kingston Clan/ The Order, and it isn't a pretty story. Miller was an easy target for the cultish group, as a Mormon convert from another continent, and finds herself married to a man with 3 other wives as a young woman. Unlike a lot of women, she did choose this life, this path for herself. And to her credit, she pulls no punches when it comes to why (her genuine belief in the doctrine and being young and searching for that spiritual connection to God), nor does she sugarcoat the lifestyle. The book isn't very well-written, but it IS a well-documented account of what these wives live through. She tells the story not so much in chapters as in houses- giving the impression of just how much her life revolved around dealing with poverty. Her family is always moving from one place to the next with various amounts of children and other wives, none of the houses are particularly nice or well-kept. They forage for food in dumpsters, with too many mouths to feed and a husband who refuses to actually work, because he's too invested in reading and analyzing scriptures to care that his family is hungry. Tragedies happen regularly, with accidents and fearfulness of doctors, lack of proper medical care, homebirths required by the secrecy of the lifestyle, domestic abuse, child abuse, sexual abuse. She paints an ugly picture of what sounds like a pretty miserable lifestyle. It was an interesting read, but probably only interesting to people who are very into learning about one of the more secretive and less "fundy" of the fundamentalist Mormon groups. Only 2 stars because there are much better books available, but if someone is researching the Kingstons in particular, this book is probably a good resource.

[Julie Wilson]

Painful Emotional Journey

This story is the memories of a woman dominated by polygamy. It is real and often raw as her memories unfold.

[Alf Erickson]

Too soft on religion

She should have spent more time attacking the vile religion that was largely responsible for her misery. There is no god!

[Vaida]

More focus on the houses interior they moved frequently than actually exposing polygamy.

[Elisabeth Brookshire]

Pigs and plain spokenness

"Pigs" refers to the men in this disheartening true story including "Frank", the polygamous husband of the author and the other men in his "order". Plain way of speaking belongs to Ms. Miller, the author, as this is how she has chosen to express herself. I don't read a lot about the LDS church, esp those who believe in living "the principle", ie, plural marriage. It makes me ill least of all due to the fact it is illegal and with good reason. It's a dehumanizing way of life for both the sister wives and their children whether they realize it at the time of not. It breeds jealously, rampant child abuse - both sexual and neglect - and poverty with the misuse of the Welfare system often in play. The author had to dumpster dive to feed around forty children. You don't read about families like the one portrayed in HBO's "Big Love" where the husband gainfully and lovingly supports three families. That's a fairytale. I've never read a book by a child or wife involved in this lifestyle that was uplifting, I'll tell you that. The author manages to leave polygamy behind through "release" (kind of like an annulment) after forays with two piggish husbands but at a high cost. She began her life as such an independent young woman, traveling the world. She gave up the relationships she had with her family in Australia due to the secretive way she was forced to live. I wish she'd never become involved with the cult that she did but I am glad she is now free, surrounded by the love of her family and finally enjoyed being well respected in her chosen field of employment. She is a very tenacious and self aware person today and I am very happy for her now. Interesting book.

[Leif C. Crowe]

Interesting....

An invitation to learn about a subculture that is quite different from your own. The author is providing a guided tour of living polygamy. Her fear of divine retribution shapes her decisions. Ultimately, she reaches a breaking point. She realizes that her life of submission and emotional starvation is empty. She has developed the ability to step back and see the bigger picture, including the suffering endured by her children. I was astonished when she entered into a second polygamous marriage. I think she was emotionally damaged in childhood and her choices in adulthood mirrored the patterns that shaped her development.

[Sue Summerill]

Unbelievable!

If I live to be one hundred, I will never understand how anyone can be swayed to become a member of a cult. Does the author have no common sense? God did not lead you to poligomy. You must have no self worth, or confidence to allow yourself to be drug down such a hell hole. Poligomy is a sickness. Read your bibl. God does not approve of one man and several wives. How sorry I am for you to be treated like shit and allow it I go on for so long. You put poligomy before your savior. How sad.

[Sharon Anne Stanich]

I should have known

I chose to read this book, because I have watched sister wife's on television. The series portrayed this life style very
differently!
I am glad that the author finally was able to break from a plural life choice to live on her own. I do not think that God had intended plurality in marriage. For those who choose a plural lifestyle,may they someday realize that marriage is between ONE man and ONE woman and the love that comes forth from such a union honors HE who made us all!

[Betsy Gilliland]

Hard to realize, but true

A subtle kind of brainwashing that strips women of their independence, intelligence, human rights and dignity. It is hard for me to believe one could accept this kind of treatment without rebelling in some way. Thank you for telling your story. If you had read about this lifestyle, perhaps you could have avoided being trapped in it.. knowledge is power.

[Donna Prager]

Eyeopening

Very interesting and to think this kind of lifes .style goes on all around us. Teachers should read this as an eye opener regarding students from these families. Unfortunately this male domination is not only in plural marriages of a specific faith but is practiced in many families. Children get the short stock.

[Sharon Carver]

So real yet unbelievable.

Whatever you believe about pleural marriage will be put aside when you read this accounting. No woman should have to live like this nor her children. The story is so much bigger than the author and she is to be commended for stepping out to tell it as she lived it.

[Linda G. Rickert]

Very Interesting Story

Learned a lot about plural marriage. The author went into a little too much detail. Did she convert to be an evangelical Christian or is she still a Morman. In this day of Warren Jeffs, it is hard to believe people still practice poligamy.

[MaryAnn Lockey]

Sister wife

While not a bad writer, much of her writing was repetitive. Her life no way resembles the tv show Sister Wives. The authors life is probably more often the case rather than the exception.

[Judi Wicker]

Great book

P!ease but this book and read it. She takes you inside the side of polagmy as if you were there.

[Jean Myers]

Interesting

An interesting story makes one wonder about what the famous Brown family lived before fame and money rolled in to make polygamy look so glamorous

[Rosalind Clay]

I had previously read a book by a woman who had unfortunately been born into an horrific cult, struggled to escape as a teen and then tried to recover and live a normal life as a grownup.
Note: this isn't that!

This woman went in of her own accord as an adult. Whilst she was involved with a church previously, it appears that she had lead a regular, independent life as a young woman including foreign travel with her friends. She was seemingly brain-washed by a friend of a friend of a friend one evening and that was that. Hey presto, polygamy was the way to go.

Turned out to be trailer-trash under a different name, ladies (in case you were wondering). If there hadn't been religion involved, just a lazy slob with no job and an aversion to soap, various concurrent "wives", 40+ kids, it would be Jeremy Kyle et al every day of the week.

Constant whinging about her revolting husband including that she was treated like a piece of property, whilst making no effort to behave in any way other than a doormat. Rather amusingly, the author adopted an advisory tone, I felt. She assumed that we would be fine with the general idea of polygamy but would need it explained to us that it was in fact not a good lifestyle choice. As if we'd seen that a smart new restaurant had opened up in town but she was warning us not to go there as she'd seen a rat in the alley next door. It's ok - no warning necessary!

I've never read a book that made more angry or annoyed! That said, it was interesting to a point - I had never realised someone could be so stupid! And I got through it - hoping against hope perhaps that she'd see the light prior to middle age and a second polygamous crack of the whip.

As others have said, the book jumps around and I gave up trying to understand how many shacks, kids and wives were involved. I got the general idea - far too many! What would have got her another star was an explanation of how the initial one evening of brainwashing had worked because I was interested to hear about that. Sadly it was quickly glossed over.

Oh wow, it was good to move on.

[Natalie Reid]

Hugely frustrating

The author of this book drove me insane. I cannot get my head around why someone not born into polygamy, who can see that the family they wish to marry into lives in poverty, would choose that life. Not only that, but to continue with it and subject their children to it.

I’m sure there are some successful polygamous families but it seems that in Karen’s world most of them lived hand to mouth while the husbands remained unemployed and acted like Demi-gods in their homes. The lifestyle these women were leading was horrendous - she herself admits this - with child molestation, marrying off teenage girls to old men, and misogyny commonplace. The psychological damage to the many children must be immense.

If you are born into a situation like that, and know no different I can maybe understand a certain acceptance of it. But Karen DID know different and for reasons I still don’t really comprehend remained in that terrible environment for over thirty five years, even after leaving her first husband. She just married another polygamous man - with predictable results.

[Deborah Gunter]

Honest Story of being a Plural Wife

Being fascinated by the hold that polygamy has on the fundamentalist Mormons, I knew I wanted to read this firsthand account. It is a straightforward memoir of one woman's experience and it is an eye opener. Miller's husband was a self anointed and self appointed leader of a small group of polygamists, who married often to increase their standing in the Celestial Kingdom. The women and children were reduced to property and slavery to meet this goal. This is a personal story, not a critique of a religious organization. It's value is in letting the reader gain some understanding of the process in which one's autonomy and self-worth can be slowly destroyed by allegiance to a selfish and arrogant leader and to a religious principle that was created to enable men to exercise control and extortion of women and their children. It's a story as old as humanity, but those of us on the outside think it could never happen to our personal tribe. Stories like these tell us the falsity of of that confidence.

[colleen]

Wow!

I read this book in two days! Very well written. I don’t believe Karen was harsh enough on the men in this story! I am so glad Karen got out and it helps me to understand how women can be psychologically abused. I am appalled with Frank and all of the disgusting men who savagely abuse women and children. God bless you Karen for telling your story, I wish you peace and happiness for the rest of your years!

[Honest Mabel]

it was good but the editing was terrible

At the end she thanks an editor and I think that while the editor maybe made it readable they didn’t do a great job. There was a lot of repetitive content and it jumped around a lot. So it was greatly annoying. The publisher did not do her a good service. It wasn’t buffed and shined to its best ability just mediocre. It’s sad bc her story is there and it’s heart wrenching.

[denise morris]

My heart goes out to the children

my heart goes out to this woman for loosing her son , but that is where my sympathies end with her . I cannot comprehend any mother staying in a situation where children are being abused as seemingly her and the sister wives did, why didn't they walk away and/or bring the perpetrators to justice.

[Rhoda Marlow]

Dogsbody Wives

A lot of detail in this well written book. How any woman would want to live this way beggars belief. It will hopefully, open your eyes to how this religious sect works. I realise it's just one ladies account but she seems to have wide seeing eyes as to how others were/arecoping.

[Gail]

Confusing

This book goes back and forth between people and years. It was very hard and confusing to follow her story. I have read much better books about polygamy. Therefore I can't recommend this book.

[SHARON]

A Warning

A great story of how vulnerable people can be sucked into a religious sect, and how trying to leave is near impossible. I think the author was courageous publishing her book.

[Shanna McDonald]

Such a great perspective

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It was well written. A very interesting look into the mysterious world of polygamy. I am grateful this woman made it out and my heart goes out to her for enduring these difficulties.

[victoria]

Really interested read with a lot of information about the mental health these women suffered from and the AUB. some references to Christine from sister wives’ grandfather and sister wives in general which sparked my interest. Great read!

[Tricia Toney]

Karen grew up in Australia and converted to Mormonism. She came to the US and was recruited by a group of fundamentalists. She married into a family with 3 other wives. Her married life was one of poverty, abuse and conflict. She eventually left and was able to see the lifestyle for what it was.

[Becky]

Confusing at times since it isn't written in chronological order. There are also a good deal of mistakes--typo's, grammar, etc. The storyline was good, and if you've read enough books about the LDS cult, you'll recognize a few of the names mentioned. Overall, 3 stars for being "okay".

[Donna Peake]

How could a woman do this to her children?

[Deborah]

I only hope this book did not have an editor listed as the misspellings were distracting and it was written in a jumbled/mixed up manner. Bad flow and loss of cohesion in story.