This book was so astonishingly excellent, and the author or at least the protagonist is in the truest sense what can only be described as my "soul sister," although the phrase may seem empty. The degree to which I relate to her is at the fundamental or blood level. Along with Lara from Pasternak's (specifically, the book) Doctor Zhivago, we are all birds of one feather. To solve the Lara equation, the Maya equation, is to solve my own equation. If I can crack the code to the seed "problem" in their lives, I can in my own. That makes it a personally important book for me. Lara in Zhivago offered no clues, but with Maya I now see it, through this author's extremely deft work.
That is, this is a person who is loved by men, but not enough-- not enough for them to leave their wives, not enough for them to act, not enough for them to truly care. In Maya's case, this even extends to her own children. I realized that it's because the part of her that needs to be loved or needs people is gone. It may have been there once, but the last time was childhood. That she doesn't actually need anyone gives her an aloofness-- people feel that they are not needed, that she can get by just fine without them, and so they ultimately leave her alone. And even while gripped by the terribleness of it, she is still relentlessly fine and even defiantly content, deep down. The problem is that, by being a human, she actually does need to be loved-- this is like a larger consciousness, one could even say God, that overrides her fine-ness, and it irritates her and she spits in its face. She's not going to give her love to anyone who doesn't entirely deserve it, all the way through, with no gaps, yet no one will take the leap on their own without her giving them the same. She gives up and sacrifices much in the material realm for people, but still holds onto everything in her heart and all of its riches, so the material sacrifices don't do the trick. Yet, why should she take a leap of faith? No one has ever given her any reason to. How do other people do it? She's like a stubborn child, loved only by "God," who is like a parent continually trying to teach her the lesson to be truly vulnerable.
Well, I digress... it's a beautiful, intensely well-told story, that remains comfortable and with a hint of magic even while going to very dark places. It's also, in a literary sense, an extremely "important" book. It shows what it has meant to be Jewish in Russia. The country has graduated from pogroms at this point in history, but anti-Semitism is deep enough to make little fully Jewish children themselves anti-Semite extremists, to fit in. This is the story that has led to people like me-- Americans with their genealogy ending abruptly, untraceable just three generations back, the ghosts of traditions and languages even still, but for the most part, washed of anything that would let you return to Jewish community... as your ancestors very much intended, as a result of going via Russia. We weren't the mensches. Survival was chosen. I can physically feel my ancestors' consternation and wrath at even the thought of having a mezuzah or lighting candles in the window. And, decisions around these things are like a character in this book-- the origins of people and things felt today, here, unfold at this place and time in history, shown at the intimate level in this book. The mezuzah, and its particular fate, is a distinct member of the cast.