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143: Love, loss, and other catastrophes
1,4,3 -- love, loss, and other catastrophes.
Cam stumbled up the stairs, drunk again. She tried to drown her doubts in the bottle but she knew she couldn't live inside Lee's, Good Housekeeping inspired picture-of-perfection anymore. When Lee confronts her, she can't deny that her spark for adventure has been reignited and lets her "143" walk out the door and out of her life.
Growing up as a lesbian with an overly dramatic mother and a father who tried everything to keep his wife happy and their family together taught Cam that sometimes "I love you" really isn't enough. Her world changed the moment she met Lee and it never stops changing as she explores the world she never knew before.
Follow Cam as she navigates through love, loss, and other catastrophes.
Readers all over the globe have gotten lost with Cam and found themselves along the way, and debut author, Alicia Sophia has been nominated for 2 Golden Crown Literary Society Goldie Awards for 1,4,3.
Hailed by Tracy Plath, author of Thicker than "First time author Alicia Sophia's debut novel is a wordy feast that I wanted to slow down and savor reading, but had to speed through and devour in a coffee fueled marathon reading because I could not bear to put it down. It's that delicious. Her prose is at times ground glass in a wound in its raw and biting reality, and at other times sultry as a silken scarf sliding on bare skin. She portrays the escalating chain of events hurtling her main character Cam's descent downward into addiction and betrayal with such naked reality Cam becomes both the train wreck you can't look away from and the glorious and hurting friend you ache to save. The believability of the characters and in the moment perfection of each scene make this book one to remember, and read again, and again."
Cam stumbled up the stairs, drunk again. She tried to drown her doubts in the bottle but she knew she couldn't live inside Lee's, Good Housekeeping inspired picture-of-perfection anymore. When Lee confronts her, she can't deny that her spark for adventure has been reignited and lets her "143" walk out the door and out of her life.
Growing up as a lesbian with an overly dramatic mother and a father who tried everything to keep his wife happy and their family together taught Cam that sometimes "I love you" really isn't enough. Her world changed the moment she met Lee and it never stops changing as she explores the world she never knew before.
Follow Cam as she navigates through love, loss, and other catastrophes.
Readers all over the globe have gotten lost with Cam and found themselves along the way, and debut author, Alicia Sophia has been nominated for 2 Golden Crown Literary Society Goldie Awards for 1,4,3.
Hailed by Tracy Plath, author of Thicker than "First time author Alicia Sophia's debut novel is a wordy feast that I wanted to slow down and savor reading, but had to speed through and devour in a coffee fueled marathon reading because I could not bear to put it down. It's that delicious. Her prose is at times ground glass in a wound in its raw and biting reality, and at other times sultry as a silken scarf sliding on bare skin. She portrays the escalating chain of events hurtling her main character Cam's descent downward into addiction and betrayal with such naked reality Cam becomes both the train wreck you can't look away from and the glorious and hurting friend you ache to save. The believability of the characters and in the moment perfection of each scene make this book one to remember, and read again, and again."
247 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 1, 2018
11 people are currently reading
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
April 4, 2019
H’okay, my lovelies, this week’s read was a rough one. I’ve said it a dozen times before, and will say it a dozen+ more times… I’m a romance writer/reader at heart, so anything outside that genre often throws my HEA-centric heart for a loop. 😂 Alicia Sophia’s 1, 4, 3 is touted as LGBTQIA+ literary fiction and, ho boy, is it ever. Published by RhetAskew Publishing and nominated for a Lambda Literary Award, this lit fic dives deep and dark and doesn’t pull any punches. To put it simply, it’s heartbreakingly superb.
This novel follows Cam through several months of her life where she does indeed encounter the so-billed love, loss, and soul-crushing catastrophes. We travel through some of the darkest hours of Cam’s young, twenty-something life as she breaks up with the love of her life, tackles new adventures—both positive and negative—and finds herself scrambling for purchase as things take a downward spiral.
I read this book in one sitting and found myself getting quite the butt-clenching workout as Cam’s bleak found a way to get bleaker with every turn of the page. Yes, there were some ups here and there, but even those ups often led to a fall all the more tragic because of that brief reprieve.
I won’t tell you how it ends, because where’s the fun in that, but I will tell you it left me hugging myself and counting down the seconds until my significant other was due home. I needed some serious cuddles, kisses, and a few solid moments of thanking my lucky stars for the life and love I possess.
I’d recommend this story to anyone who values stories that don’t shy away from the gritty truth. It isn’t a story for everyone, and there are quite a few major parts of the plot that might be triggering to a lot of people, but if you’ve got a strong heart and love the tragedy often present in literary fic pieces, then you should definitely give this a read.
This novel follows Cam through several months of her life where she does indeed encounter the so-billed love, loss, and soul-crushing catastrophes. We travel through some of the darkest hours of Cam’s young, twenty-something life as she breaks up with the love of her life, tackles new adventures—both positive and negative—and finds herself scrambling for purchase as things take a downward spiral.
I read this book in one sitting and found myself getting quite the butt-clenching workout as Cam’s bleak found a way to get bleaker with every turn of the page. Yes, there were some ups here and there, but even those ups often led to a fall all the more tragic because of that brief reprieve.
I won’t tell you how it ends, because where’s the fun in that, but I will tell you it left me hugging myself and counting down the seconds until my significant other was due home. I needed some serious cuddles, kisses, and a few solid moments of thanking my lucky stars for the life and love I possess.
I’d recommend this story to anyone who values stories that don’t shy away from the gritty truth. It isn’t a story for everyone, and there are quite a few major parts of the plot that might be triggering to a lot of people, but if you’ve got a strong heart and love the tragedy often present in literary fic pieces, then you should definitely give this a read.
December 2, 2018
I’ve been waiting for a long time to read this book, and it was everything I hoped for. It had ups, it had downs, it had everything a great literary fiction piece could hope to have. Lee and Camille are very realistic characters and the depth of emotion that Camille goes through as the story progresses will leave you breathless.
I read the entire book in one sitting because it is just that tough to put down. If you’re a fan of romance and second chance stories, I highly recommend this jewel!
I read the entire book in one sitting because it is just that tough to put down. If you’re a fan of romance and second chance stories, I highly recommend this jewel!
December 2, 2018
I found this debut novel by Alicia Sophia to be a compelling read. Alicia’s use of imagery pulls the reader into a young person’s intense emotions found in lost and new loves and family relationships. The substance abuser perspective-taking highlights the ease with which impulsive decisions, lack of self-worth, and above all, emotional pain, can lead a person down a path from which few are able to recover. I highly recommend this engrossing and quick read.
March 12, 2020
My rating is low because the story was not for me. The writing, itself, was good. I know for a fact the author writes poetry, and very well. She writes in ways that I cannot. At times in this story, I felt like I was reading an extended version of one of her poems. Some like that and some don't.
Lackluster is a good word to describe some of the scenes. The only character I liked was the ex-girlfriend who rode a motorcycle. Unfortunately, she did not last very long. The pill popping addiction could be seen a mile away. And the whole 'hooking up with a stranger then flying across the country to stay with that stranger' was a bit of a stretch in my opinion. I don't have a lot to say about this story because it was boring.
Like is said, the writing was good, the storytelling was not.
Lackluster is a good word to describe some of the scenes. The only character I liked was the ex-girlfriend who rode a motorcycle. Unfortunately, she did not last very long. The pill popping addiction could be seen a mile away. And the whole 'hooking up with a stranger then flying across the country to stay with that stranger' was a bit of a stretch in my opinion. I don't have a lot to say about this story because it was boring.
Like is said, the writing was good, the storytelling was not.
July 31, 2019
To know early in life that I love you isn’t enough, takes a great deal of maturity. When I began reading 1, 4, 3 the imprint of the lead character felt anything but mature, in fact, Cam was one of the most self-centered, hypocritical characters I had read in quite a while. I didn’t like her. But this novel will surprise you and draw you in, until you realize, this is a tour du force of exactly that, a graduation from immaturity to insight.
Sometimes you project the author of a book onto their main character. I wondered if Alicia Sophia was a kid from a well to do family who was bailed out by her father, and hated her mom, whether she lived up to the cliché of a young lesbian who acted more like a guy in her approach to relationships and spurned the idea of monogamy. That’s how realistic Cam is as the main protagonist.
Had I not been reviewing the book I may have quit in the first few chapters, not because they were badly written, Alicia Sophia is a passionate and solid writer, but because I didn’t like the main character so much and I didn’t like the arc of the story line. How many times have I read cliched lesbian fiction, where cute butch girl wants more out of her relationship and yearns to have had many lovers, with accompanying graphic sex scenes? I didn’t feel there was anything original there.
I am glad I read on. Because this is more than a story about clichés and growing up and obvious emotions. It’s more than a story about a selfish girl and her vacillating emotions. It’s more than a lesbian cliché and it is a lesbian cliché and maybe that’s why it is valuable.
In some ways, this is not my kind of novel. Maybe I’m too old, too staid, too monogamous. Maybe I’m tired of reading about the same kinds of women in lesbian fiction and how much they are stuck on themselves and what their lives should be and how they don’t really give a damn about anyone else. On the other hand, isn’t this exactly how most of us are in our mid-twenties? Don’t we on some level relate to this even as we deny it or suppress it later in life?
Without doubt, the character of Cam is extremely visceral and well fleshed out. She’s someone we know or have met, she’s unapologetic and messy and full of shit and she’s also someone who exists beyond the page of a fictional novel. For this reason, she has earned some staying power. Furthermore, the story’s arc began to surprise me after a relatively slow beginning and where it takes you is not where you would expect. I appreciated the surprise and the courage of anyone both to write a book and deliver that kind of wild trajectory because it’s not easy to write that realistically and I believed this story by the end.
If you give the book a chance and hang in despite the slow beginning which may or may not be to your taste, there is more in this book than clichés and stereotypes and even if the vast majority are, they are lesbian clichés and stereotypes that exist for a reason and should own a portion of fiction alongside the other clichés (action hero, successful career woman) that dominate mainstream fiction. As a lesbian I can appreciate anyone who is willing to write our clichés and stereotypes.
Cam doesn’t redeem herself, nor does she ever become someone I would like, and in that I found some relief, because we don’t exactly relate to her, we relate to the inevitability of her experience. Perhaps we avoided what she goes through and we’re glad for it, perhaps it cuts too close to home. Either way, she’s real and not just a pretentious, unrealistic fictional character.
I found Alicia’s side-kick cast the best of this book. I really sunk my teeth into the smaller characters she fleshes out very well with vivid descriptions that are both honest and stereotypical at the same time. The seamy underbelly of the world is revealed in its gorgeous intoxicate and it is more than understandable when Cam slides into this world. What I found myself asking was; What is the theme here? Is this just a tour du force of a young woman’s life as with so many books about young men? In which case it holds as much validity as any of the many we’ve read of wandering heroes. Or is there more to this than that?
I’m still not sure and I have finished the book. I read it in one day, which if it were a terrible book I could never have done. Part of me was angry with the book – and part of me was permissive with it, because I recognize what we feel at 25 is not what we feel at 35. Maybe that is part of the point of the book, to take a moment in a young woman’s life, that has become that moment because of all the things that came before it (semi-negligent mom, workaholic idol father, enough cushion money, sufficient ambition and desire for more in life than to settle down with the first person who asks you and whom you may love).
Part of me disliked how Cam used Lee as a launching pad and at the same time resented her for wanting more from her. I could easily put myself in Lee’s position and find myself resenting Cam for going out with friends and drinking and not taking their relationship very seriously, while benefitting from her largess. On the other hand, how was that so different from the arm candy mentioned multiple times, or the unspoken expectations in any relationship?
It disappointed me that Lee and Cam did not get back together, but it did not surprise me. They both understood through the intensity of their relationship that love isn’t enough, sex isn’t enough. They both wanted more. Lee wanted a wife and the picket fence. Cam didn’t want to be obligated or tied down. In many ways it felt a lot like reading about a man and a woman. On the other hand, it would have been ingenious after what had passed between them, for them to reconcile so I am glad they did not. Part of me was crying out for something positive about lesbian relationships and instead I felt a lot of grief at how vacuous and sex based they can be and how a hook up is a hook up for any gender. Why should we expect lesbians to act ‘better’ than the rest of the world does?
That’s my bias and maybe this book kicked my bias in the butt and reminded me, we’re dirty, flawed humans irrespective of our sexuality and lesbians can be the worst of them as they can be the best of them. My impulse to have a role model of a lesbian who is loyal, faithful, loving, wouldn’t necessarily make good reading. Cam if nothing else, is an interesting character because she’s deeply flawed and doesn’t apologize for it.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again, lesbian novels have a lot of sex in them and sometimes I find that off putting. Before you think me a prude, please note, this is not a lack of desire for sex, but a lack of desire for reading the same old tropes all the time. I have always felt lesbian relationships are more than just sex. And to put a lot of sex scenes in a short book sometimes gives that impression.
To be fair to Alicia Sophia and her main character Cam, it felt honest to the character that she slept around and had careless emotionless carnal multiple orgasms with total strangers. After a while I accepted this as part of the storyline and went with it and didn’t feel it was simply another lesbian novel with a ton of sex (although it IS a lesbian novel with a ton of sex). Just because I could not and would not have ever slept around like that or been capable of multiple orgasms with total strangers shouldn’t disqualify the fact that Cam was capable and went for it. If I were Cam, I may have done the same thing. Not being Cam shouldn’t mean punishing her as a reader for her choices.
I’ve met too many lesbians who were young and stuck on themselves, enough bail out money from the parents, enough piss and vinegar to slice and dice people’s lives, that I have a natural aversion to those types of people. When I was Cam’s age I was more like Lee, I wanted the family, the security, the love and loyalty. But this book is all about why we are the people we are, and what makes us those people. Cam is care free and rejects the staid suburban life because she could take it for granted and see right through it. It stands to reason she would not want this because she was smothered by it, expected to inhabit it and rebels from it. Had I had the same experiences as Cam would I have turned out so different?
Just because at Cam’s age I was seeking the exact opposite doesn’t mean I cannot relate to some of Cam’s madness, in her hedonistic urges to break free of the invisible chains she perceives stopping her from her dreams of becoming a Rolling Stone photographer. Is she a selfish hedonist? Absolutely. Would I be interested in her if I were Lee or Judi? Not even a little bit and yeah, there was some incredulity imagining a woman like Judi wanting to be with a girl like Cam. But have I seen that before? Yes, I have.
The realism therefore of the characters and their stories, and responses, was done very well, as was the ability to convey a fluid story and have the courage to speak honestly about who you are and what you want out of life without edits. This novel would definitely speak to a great deal of twenty something lesbians like Cam. It may also remind lesbians like Lee; how lucky they were to get away from someone like Cam. Both sides of the story are open to interpretation, it depends upon the hour and the year we look inward.
The one storyline that bothered me a little was the whole Judi character. Much as I tried, I could not imagine this woman existing though I have heard stories of those who do and maybe it is true, the older lesbian with money is lonely and would choose a Cam to be her side-kick. Just because I dislike Cam doesn’t mean Judi doesn’t need her. Whilst I may have felt this was a little unbelievable, in contrast I felt the connection between Cam and Scarlet was incredibly realistic. This shocked me because their story line is the most wild and extreme and yet I felt I believed every word. Also, I didn’t have to suspend my disbelief as I had with Judi, the impossibly eager uber-rich older woman willing to give Cam anything.
For me, the books true redemption if it ever needed one, was the storyline between Cam and Scarlet and I half found myself wishing more time were spent on them and less on the slow and careful introduction. That said, I can understand why Alicia Sophia structured the book thus, because it builds to this really climatic storyline that by the time you get there, you are really prepared to jump with both feet in. The character of Scarlet really moved me and whilst it had definite aspects of some of my favorite characters in books like Psychoville and films like Midnight Cowboy, it was original and not a pastiche of any familiar descent into nihalism.
For me, the memorable part of the story begins with Cam and Scarlet and ends with Cam returning to see her mother. I found that an extremely powerful, unforgettable storyline and one that was written with real intensity and maturity. So, in a way this book is both a foray into the immature mind of a young lesbian and the coming to terms with life maturity of a young lesbian. Just as with the film Rush that deals with excessive drug use and the loss of former boundaries, I found Cam’s sudden descent into addiction, shocking, realistic and well written. It hooked me big time and some of the twists and turns (which I refuse to spoil) are so stunning in their sadness you cannot help but grow closer to Cam.
Had I given up on the book when I began and was impatient with Cam’s narcissism and mistreatment of Lee, (though of course they are both to blame in their individual ways) I am glad I stuck with the book and got to the part I will say, enabled me to appreciate this story fully, irrespective of whether it was about a lesbian or not. And that’s another bonus, I don’t feel Alicia Sophia is self-consciously writing about lesbians I feel she has something to say and a lesbian says it and that is far better than a self-conscious attempt at inserting a lesbian into a storyline. There’s real excitement in this novel as Cam and Scarlet almost destroy themselves and you really do find yourself along for the ride.
In order to praise 1, 4, 3 you have to give away a lot of the plot. But hopefully there is enough left that you will experience the thrill as I did. Likewise, I value any young author who has the courage to just write it out and present an unflinching view of her world, whether it’s fictional or not. This book could potentially be appreciated by anyone, but my guess is, if you are where Cam is in life, or just on the other side, you will really hold your breath reading this. For myself, I could see the value of this snapshot of a young woman’s growth. This story didn’t exactly dispel my illusions of love, equally it didn’t make me want to be as cavalier as Cam. A good story doesn’t ask you to sympathize with its lead character, it simply asks you to accept the journey. 1, 4, 3 is more than it seems to be, and that’s quite an accomplishment in its own right. Maybe it’s us who should be checking our assumptions.
Post-Script. I found out Alicia Sophia is writing a sequel, and the sign of a worthy book is surely whether we’d want to read a sequel. This reviewer will be tuning in to find out what’s next for Cam.
Candice Louisa Daquin
Sometimes you project the author of a book onto their main character. I wondered if Alicia Sophia was a kid from a well to do family who was bailed out by her father, and hated her mom, whether she lived up to the cliché of a young lesbian who acted more like a guy in her approach to relationships and spurned the idea of monogamy. That’s how realistic Cam is as the main protagonist.
Had I not been reviewing the book I may have quit in the first few chapters, not because they were badly written, Alicia Sophia is a passionate and solid writer, but because I didn’t like the main character so much and I didn’t like the arc of the story line. How many times have I read cliched lesbian fiction, where cute butch girl wants more out of her relationship and yearns to have had many lovers, with accompanying graphic sex scenes? I didn’t feel there was anything original there.
I am glad I read on. Because this is more than a story about clichés and growing up and obvious emotions. It’s more than a story about a selfish girl and her vacillating emotions. It’s more than a lesbian cliché and it is a lesbian cliché and maybe that’s why it is valuable.
In some ways, this is not my kind of novel. Maybe I’m too old, too staid, too monogamous. Maybe I’m tired of reading about the same kinds of women in lesbian fiction and how much they are stuck on themselves and what their lives should be and how they don’t really give a damn about anyone else. On the other hand, isn’t this exactly how most of us are in our mid-twenties? Don’t we on some level relate to this even as we deny it or suppress it later in life?
Without doubt, the character of Cam is extremely visceral and well fleshed out. She’s someone we know or have met, she’s unapologetic and messy and full of shit and she’s also someone who exists beyond the page of a fictional novel. For this reason, she has earned some staying power. Furthermore, the story’s arc began to surprise me after a relatively slow beginning and where it takes you is not where you would expect. I appreciated the surprise and the courage of anyone both to write a book and deliver that kind of wild trajectory because it’s not easy to write that realistically and I believed this story by the end.
If you give the book a chance and hang in despite the slow beginning which may or may not be to your taste, there is more in this book than clichés and stereotypes and even if the vast majority are, they are lesbian clichés and stereotypes that exist for a reason and should own a portion of fiction alongside the other clichés (action hero, successful career woman) that dominate mainstream fiction. As a lesbian I can appreciate anyone who is willing to write our clichés and stereotypes.
Cam doesn’t redeem herself, nor does she ever become someone I would like, and in that I found some relief, because we don’t exactly relate to her, we relate to the inevitability of her experience. Perhaps we avoided what she goes through and we’re glad for it, perhaps it cuts too close to home. Either way, she’s real and not just a pretentious, unrealistic fictional character.
I found Alicia’s side-kick cast the best of this book. I really sunk my teeth into the smaller characters she fleshes out very well with vivid descriptions that are both honest and stereotypical at the same time. The seamy underbelly of the world is revealed in its gorgeous intoxicate and it is more than understandable when Cam slides into this world. What I found myself asking was; What is the theme here? Is this just a tour du force of a young woman’s life as with so many books about young men? In which case it holds as much validity as any of the many we’ve read of wandering heroes. Or is there more to this than that?
I’m still not sure and I have finished the book. I read it in one day, which if it were a terrible book I could never have done. Part of me was angry with the book – and part of me was permissive with it, because I recognize what we feel at 25 is not what we feel at 35. Maybe that is part of the point of the book, to take a moment in a young woman’s life, that has become that moment because of all the things that came before it (semi-negligent mom, workaholic idol father, enough cushion money, sufficient ambition and desire for more in life than to settle down with the first person who asks you and whom you may love).
Part of me disliked how Cam used Lee as a launching pad and at the same time resented her for wanting more from her. I could easily put myself in Lee’s position and find myself resenting Cam for going out with friends and drinking and not taking their relationship very seriously, while benefitting from her largess. On the other hand, how was that so different from the arm candy mentioned multiple times, or the unspoken expectations in any relationship?
It disappointed me that Lee and Cam did not get back together, but it did not surprise me. They both understood through the intensity of their relationship that love isn’t enough, sex isn’t enough. They both wanted more. Lee wanted a wife and the picket fence. Cam didn’t want to be obligated or tied down. In many ways it felt a lot like reading about a man and a woman. On the other hand, it would have been ingenious after what had passed between them, for them to reconcile so I am glad they did not. Part of me was crying out for something positive about lesbian relationships and instead I felt a lot of grief at how vacuous and sex based they can be and how a hook up is a hook up for any gender. Why should we expect lesbians to act ‘better’ than the rest of the world does?
That’s my bias and maybe this book kicked my bias in the butt and reminded me, we’re dirty, flawed humans irrespective of our sexuality and lesbians can be the worst of them as they can be the best of them. My impulse to have a role model of a lesbian who is loyal, faithful, loving, wouldn’t necessarily make good reading. Cam if nothing else, is an interesting character because she’s deeply flawed and doesn’t apologize for it.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again, lesbian novels have a lot of sex in them and sometimes I find that off putting. Before you think me a prude, please note, this is not a lack of desire for sex, but a lack of desire for reading the same old tropes all the time. I have always felt lesbian relationships are more than just sex. And to put a lot of sex scenes in a short book sometimes gives that impression.
To be fair to Alicia Sophia and her main character Cam, it felt honest to the character that she slept around and had careless emotionless carnal multiple orgasms with total strangers. After a while I accepted this as part of the storyline and went with it and didn’t feel it was simply another lesbian novel with a ton of sex (although it IS a lesbian novel with a ton of sex). Just because I could not and would not have ever slept around like that or been capable of multiple orgasms with total strangers shouldn’t disqualify the fact that Cam was capable and went for it. If I were Cam, I may have done the same thing. Not being Cam shouldn’t mean punishing her as a reader for her choices.
I’ve met too many lesbians who were young and stuck on themselves, enough bail out money from the parents, enough piss and vinegar to slice and dice people’s lives, that I have a natural aversion to those types of people. When I was Cam’s age I was more like Lee, I wanted the family, the security, the love and loyalty. But this book is all about why we are the people we are, and what makes us those people. Cam is care free and rejects the staid suburban life because she could take it for granted and see right through it. It stands to reason she would not want this because she was smothered by it, expected to inhabit it and rebels from it. Had I had the same experiences as Cam would I have turned out so different?
Just because at Cam’s age I was seeking the exact opposite doesn’t mean I cannot relate to some of Cam’s madness, in her hedonistic urges to break free of the invisible chains she perceives stopping her from her dreams of becoming a Rolling Stone photographer. Is she a selfish hedonist? Absolutely. Would I be interested in her if I were Lee or Judi? Not even a little bit and yeah, there was some incredulity imagining a woman like Judi wanting to be with a girl like Cam. But have I seen that before? Yes, I have.
The realism therefore of the characters and their stories, and responses, was done very well, as was the ability to convey a fluid story and have the courage to speak honestly about who you are and what you want out of life without edits. This novel would definitely speak to a great deal of twenty something lesbians like Cam. It may also remind lesbians like Lee; how lucky they were to get away from someone like Cam. Both sides of the story are open to interpretation, it depends upon the hour and the year we look inward.
The one storyline that bothered me a little was the whole Judi character. Much as I tried, I could not imagine this woman existing though I have heard stories of those who do and maybe it is true, the older lesbian with money is lonely and would choose a Cam to be her side-kick. Just because I dislike Cam doesn’t mean Judi doesn’t need her. Whilst I may have felt this was a little unbelievable, in contrast I felt the connection between Cam and Scarlet was incredibly realistic. This shocked me because their story line is the most wild and extreme and yet I felt I believed every word. Also, I didn’t have to suspend my disbelief as I had with Judi, the impossibly eager uber-rich older woman willing to give Cam anything.
For me, the books true redemption if it ever needed one, was the storyline between Cam and Scarlet and I half found myself wishing more time were spent on them and less on the slow and careful introduction. That said, I can understand why Alicia Sophia structured the book thus, because it builds to this really climatic storyline that by the time you get there, you are really prepared to jump with both feet in. The character of Scarlet really moved me and whilst it had definite aspects of some of my favorite characters in books like Psychoville and films like Midnight Cowboy, it was original and not a pastiche of any familiar descent into nihalism.
For me, the memorable part of the story begins with Cam and Scarlet and ends with Cam returning to see her mother. I found that an extremely powerful, unforgettable storyline and one that was written with real intensity and maturity. So, in a way this book is both a foray into the immature mind of a young lesbian and the coming to terms with life maturity of a young lesbian. Just as with the film Rush that deals with excessive drug use and the loss of former boundaries, I found Cam’s sudden descent into addiction, shocking, realistic and well written. It hooked me big time and some of the twists and turns (which I refuse to spoil) are so stunning in their sadness you cannot help but grow closer to Cam.
Had I given up on the book when I began and was impatient with Cam’s narcissism and mistreatment of Lee, (though of course they are both to blame in their individual ways) I am glad I stuck with the book and got to the part I will say, enabled me to appreciate this story fully, irrespective of whether it was about a lesbian or not. And that’s another bonus, I don’t feel Alicia Sophia is self-consciously writing about lesbians I feel she has something to say and a lesbian says it and that is far better than a self-conscious attempt at inserting a lesbian into a storyline. There’s real excitement in this novel as Cam and Scarlet almost destroy themselves and you really do find yourself along for the ride.
In order to praise 1, 4, 3 you have to give away a lot of the plot. But hopefully there is enough left that you will experience the thrill as I did. Likewise, I value any young author who has the courage to just write it out and present an unflinching view of her world, whether it’s fictional or not. This book could potentially be appreciated by anyone, but my guess is, if you are where Cam is in life, or just on the other side, you will really hold your breath reading this. For myself, I could see the value of this snapshot of a young woman’s growth. This story didn’t exactly dispel my illusions of love, equally it didn’t make me want to be as cavalier as Cam. A good story doesn’t ask you to sympathize with its lead character, it simply asks you to accept the journey. 1, 4, 3 is more than it seems to be, and that’s quite an accomplishment in its own right. Maybe it’s us who should be checking our assumptions.
Post-Script. I found out Alicia Sophia is writing a sequel, and the sign of a worthy book is surely whether we’d want to read a sequel. This reviewer will be tuning in to find out what’s next for Cam.
Candice Louisa Daquin
February 3, 2019
I love this woman's writing skill. She pulls you close. Although the theme is at first depressing. I have had some of those experiences and her writing doesn't put you in the middle of the conflict which i find delightful. This is her debut lesbian romance novel and it has already won awards.
I recommend it to anyone that has had an alcoholic lesbian relationship or roommates that fight. Her descriptions are not only vivid and poetic but guides you through the conflicts with REALISTIC imagery that is sooooo much better than lesbian porno.
And, by the way, takes a lot more skill. Some of her descriptions are, I think, accidentally funny because they are so very accurate.
I recommend it to anyone that has had an alcoholic lesbian relationship or roommates that fight. Her descriptions are not only vivid and poetic but guides you through the conflicts with REALISTIC imagery that is sooooo much better than lesbian porno.
And, by the way, takes a lot more skill. Some of her descriptions are, I think, accidentally funny because they are so very accurate.
Want to read
December 18, 2019 🎁 FREE on Amazon today (12/18/2019)! 🎁
January 15, 2019
One of the best lgbt books I've read. Alicia is an author i personally know. She's definitely going places.
February 23, 2019
I loved this book. I typically only read personal development books. It was nice to get lost in a novel again. Very relatable.
February 16, 2019
Real good story.
Since this really isn't my normal genre, I struggled a bit getting through it. I finally sat down, read the whole 2nd half in one day. Good characters, real people with issues.
Since this really isn't my normal genre, I struggled a bit getting through it. I finally sat down, read the whole 2nd half in one day. Good characters, real people with issues.
July 28, 2019
I'm not typically one to read lit-fic, so that's probably my downfall here. I'm all about the HEA and a conflict that allows for character growth and relationship building. This story kind of shook me because it was anything but that. The character grows, but more in a negative than positive kind of way. I wasn't sure what the overall point was, other than the depict a really rough backstory that might make for some awesome character growth in a future story. But the author definitely has a handle on her craft and I kept reading despite some of my own challenges with the plot, which is proof in and of itself that this had a lot of positive behind it despite my own personal views.
June 29, 2019
Didn't quite live up to the pre-release hype. It was an ok read.
January 26, 2020
I wondered if I would ever be able to love again. This first sentence of one of the chapters sums it up perfectly. 1,4,3 is about love, loss and disaster and you can’t have one without the other.
It starts with a couple who live together, but not really. Both return in their own little world, not even listening anymore to the other because… Well, things went south. And then there is the moment where they part. Not in a nuclear explosion, but rather in the dying fizz of a firework well over its date.
Through jumps back in time we see why both got attracted to one another, but we also understand why they never stood a chance, too. In between the lines you find broken people who try to live, but don’t always know.
And then, after being apart for five days, they meet again. A sour taste filled my mouth because you expect at least pain. Instead, there is little regret, a bit of a sting… Until Cam, the MC, realizes nothing is worth living that fake life. Again.
All the while Cam’s father hovers around, doing things father do, Cam slowly falls apart. We start with the love – and the hatred – and continue with the loss and disaster. While there is a lot of fucking (as in the curse word) I don’t think the story would have stood so well without it. You know those people, too, who use that word every chance they get. It comes natural in the world where Cam moves through and so, it’s part of the world you discover in this book. The author takes you on a journey that is believable, with the pain, the silence and the tears – though no one will ever admit to them.
The travels are rocky. While another woman lies next to her, Cam receives a mail from her ex. And while it hurts – for obvious reasons – she at least doesn’t bite. Love, someone once said, is a many splendor thing. But when it breaks – whenever it shatters – it’s the source of so much pain and horror and regrets. If anything, that’s what this book conveys.
So, Cam goes to the Bay Area. Or does she? There always is the ex – Leah. The asshole with a sexy body that dressed really well. That’s not my description. That’s Alicia Sophia’s. Or rather, Cam’s. ;?)
People in this book aren’t ‘nice’ people. And maybe that’s the most beautiful part of it all: they’re not ‘nice’, but they are real as hell. It’s Cam and Leah and Judi and all the others that you pass daily on the streets, with their presents and pasts and futures to come, all soaked in a little alcohol. Life is a gift and it depends on what you do with it, but this is as raw as it gets.
Alicia Sophia took me on a ride in the LTGBQ-world, but apart from the female-female relationships, you could as well find it in the straight world. Emotions remain, just the people changed and that’s what I liked about it. Everything can be exchanged by something else until you feel at home in it. And fear it, more than anything else.
But circles come round. And when you reach the end of the book, you discover that there is one universal truth. Everything is possible as long as you set your mind to it.
It starts with a couple who live together, but not really. Both return in their own little world, not even listening anymore to the other because… Well, things went south. And then there is the moment where they part. Not in a nuclear explosion, but rather in the dying fizz of a firework well over its date.
Through jumps back in time we see why both got attracted to one another, but we also understand why they never stood a chance, too. In between the lines you find broken people who try to live, but don’t always know.
And then, after being apart for five days, they meet again. A sour taste filled my mouth because you expect at least pain. Instead, there is little regret, a bit of a sting… Until Cam, the MC, realizes nothing is worth living that fake life. Again.
All the while Cam’s father hovers around, doing things father do, Cam slowly falls apart. We start with the love – and the hatred – and continue with the loss and disaster. While there is a lot of fucking (as in the curse word) I don’t think the story would have stood so well without it. You know those people, too, who use that word every chance they get. It comes natural in the world where Cam moves through and so, it’s part of the world you discover in this book. The author takes you on a journey that is believable, with the pain, the silence and the tears – though no one will ever admit to them.
The travels are rocky. While another woman lies next to her, Cam receives a mail from her ex. And while it hurts – for obvious reasons – she at least doesn’t bite. Love, someone once said, is a many splendor thing. But when it breaks – whenever it shatters – it’s the source of so much pain and horror and regrets. If anything, that’s what this book conveys.
So, Cam goes to the Bay Area. Or does she? There always is the ex – Leah. The asshole with a sexy body that dressed really well. That’s not my description. That’s Alicia Sophia’s. Or rather, Cam’s. ;?)
People in this book aren’t ‘nice’ people. And maybe that’s the most beautiful part of it all: they’re not ‘nice’, but they are real as hell. It’s Cam and Leah and Judi and all the others that you pass daily on the streets, with their presents and pasts and futures to come, all soaked in a little alcohol. Life is a gift and it depends on what you do with it, but this is as raw as it gets.
Alicia Sophia took me on a ride in the LTGBQ-world, but apart from the female-female relationships, you could as well find it in the straight world. Emotions remain, just the people changed and that’s what I liked about it. Everything can be exchanged by something else until you feel at home in it. And fear it, more than anything else.
But circles come round. And when you reach the end of the book, you discover that there is one universal truth. Everything is possible as long as you set your mind to it.
January 23, 2019
It didn't take long at all for me to care for the main character. This book was different than I expected, but that's not always a bad thing. Alicia will pull you right in until all you can think about is Camille. I'd get excited when Cami did, would start to worry when it looked like things were going downhill. I read this straight through and wouldn't have been able to put it down if I'd wanted to. Ms. Alicia also allowed me to message, grumble, complain and worry at her in messenger while the story raced on. A great character read, tho I doubt the story would be everyone's cup of tea. Overall, a great story that I'm glad to have read.
June 2, 2019
I normally read (and write) YA, so this was a little out of my comfort zone. But I think that's a good thing, for both readers and writers. This book was no exception. It took me on a tumultuous, emotional journey with Camille as she tried to strike out and find herself after a life-altering event. At times I wanted to shake her and scream at her and at other times I wanted to comfort her and tell her everything would be okay. Fast-paced and beautifully written, 1,4,3 will make you laugh and cry (a lot of crying!) and keep you engaged until the end. Highly recommend!
June 2, 2019
*Not YA*
I had to include that just in case one of my young Goodreads friends thought about picking this one up. This was a rollercoaster of a book though. I both rooted for and cursed Cami as she trustingly navigated through her mostly self-induced catastrophes. I guess a girl has to live a little. A fast-paced drama that you'll want to speed read to the very end.
I had to include that just in case one of my young Goodreads friends thought about picking this one up. This was a rollercoaster of a book though. I both rooted for and cursed Cami as she trustingly navigated through her mostly self-induced catastrophes. I guess a girl has to live a little. A fast-paced drama that you'll want to speed read to the very end.
February 9, 2019
This book had me hooked right from the first page. I simply couldn't stop reading. Cam is a very relatable character who's trying to find her way as she struggles to live through her heartbreak. By the end, I found myself hoping she finds all the happiness she deserves.
July 19, 2019
I couldn’t put it down. The emotion, the pain, the anger, the loneliness...I felt every bit of it. After each choice, I kept hoping this would be the event that would awaken her soul and bring her back from the brink. Amazing writing.
December 16, 2021
I absolutely loved reading this. I couldn't put the book down and I could see and feel everything coming from the book that you wanted to give her a massive hug. It felt so incredibly relatable. I would definitely recommend that you buy this book. It is worth it.
March 25, 2020
Such a great book. Great writing skills. Discriptions were really good.
March 27, 2020
Honestly one of the best books I've read in a while.
January 13, 2020
Absolutely amazing! Been reading over & over because I love it that much! Hoping the sequel will be published soon 😉
Great author, such an amazing lady & very good at what she does! Keep up the great work Alicia 💚
Great author, such an amazing lady & very good at what she does! Keep up the great work Alicia 💚
June 13, 2020
I lapped up every delicious word of 1, 4, 3.
Alicia Sophia’s masterpiece, was the first LGBT+ book that I have read, featuring relatable queer characters, & this book certainly did not disappoint. The only reason I read it in two sittings, was because I did not want to finish it quickly- I wanted to savour the journey. Cam’s story consumed me & I loved her sass & her drive. I felt her every hurt as if it was my own- like a thud in my chest. I cannot wait to read more from this author.
Alicia Sophia’s masterpiece, was the first LGBT+ book that I have read, featuring relatable queer characters, & this book certainly did not disappoint. The only reason I read it in two sittings, was because I did not want to finish it quickly- I wanted to savour the journey. Cam’s story consumed me & I loved her sass & her drive. I felt her every hurt as if it was my own- like a thud in my chest. I cannot wait to read more from this author.
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