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Blasphemy!

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Blasphemy!

Or,

When he sees Satan stuck in a rut, God provides a little divine intervention, suggesting the Devil get back to basics.

Taking God's advice, Satan answers a summons to a crossroad on Earth, hellbent on brokering a deal in exchange for the soul of the human who summoned him.

The problem with that is the summoner is a deviant twink named Jimmy who immediately falls in love at first sight, much to Satan's dismay.

Blasphemy! Where God is a frat bro who wants to get his brother laid, Satan absolutely does not have time for this shit, and Jimmy wants to climb the Devil like a tree.


A novella from the twisted mind of TJ Klune, coming for free exclusively to tjklunebooks.com on December 11th.

51 pages, ebook

First published December 11, 2018

22 people are currently reading
1827 people want to read

About the author

T.J. Klune

69 books61.2k followers
TJ KLUNE is a Lambda Literary Award-winning author (Into This River I Drown) and an ex-claims examiner for an insurance company. His novels include The House in the Cerulean Sea and The Extraordinaries. Being queer himself, TJ believes it's important—now more than ever—to have accurate, positive, queer representation in stories.

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5 stars
648 (33%)
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776 (40%)
3 stars
389 (20%)
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77 (4%)
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23 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 476 reviews
Profile Image for T.J..
Author 69 books61.2k followers
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December 11, 2018
Blasphemy! is live!! It is available free on my website at the link below, along with downloads for PDF and/or Mobi.

Disclaimer:

Straight up: if you are extremely religious and/or find the idea of Satan as a main character to be offensive, this is not the story for you. You have been warned up front. You are 100% allowed to have a boner for Jesus, but please don’t leave comments about how offended you are and blah, blah, blah. I don’t have time for such nonsense.

http://www.tjklunebooks.com/new-blog/...
Profile Image for ☆ Todd.
1,442 reviews1,583 followers
December 27, 2018

WOW, that was certainly... something!

And I'll let you know 'what' as soon as I figure that out myself.
;- )

In spite of being extremely busy running hell, Satan found himself not only super-bored, but also very lonely.



So God talked Satan into taking a day for himself, to have some fun doing something he used to enjoy, before his life got so hectic.

But after deciding to play Crossroads Demon for a day, the last thing that Satan expected was to find himself confronted by Jimmy, a spunky, loudmouthed twink with a kink for handsome, red-skinned devils.
Who are you?” Jimmy breathed. He stopped near Satan, looking up at him with wide, dark eyes. “Are you my dreams?”

“No
,” Satan said, his voice thunderous. “I am your nightmare. I am the thing that lives in the dark. I am the-- ”

“I want to climb you like a motherfucking tree, holy shit.”

“--evil that…lurks in the…what.”


And once Jimmy took Satan by the horns, well, he *literally* had Satan right where he wanted him.
Satan pulled Jimmy off his shoulder, settling him down in his lap. He realized almost immediately how bad of an idea it was when Jimmy wriggled back and forth and whispered “So proportional” in an awed tone.


The humor in this short novella was kind of strange at first, so it took me a while to get in sync with the jokes, but when I finally did, I found myself enjoying it quite a bit.

I especially liked the ending. And Terrance. That was a fun twist.

I'd rate this short at around 3.75 stars and recommend this free read for any TJ fans out there. : )

-----------------------------------------------

This is a *FREE* story on TJ's blog, available at:

http://www.tjklunebooks.com/new-blog/...

See All My Latest Reads (Review Quick-Links)

-----------------------------------------------
Profile Image for Shin Mon Thway.
663 reviews1,702 followers
December 28, 2018
Well, this is for the lack of a better word ..... definitely ..... something. 😂 I have no idea how to explain this book because this is something you gotta witness yourself. 😁 But I immensely enjoyed this story. 👏 If you are someone who’s not easily offended, uptight and narrow-minded, I assure you, you are going to find this book fascinating and hilarious. Because we need power bottoms like Jimmy and cordial Satan in our lives.



4 Satan is a purring kitten stars

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Profile Image for Drusilla.
1,067 reviews428 followers
June 23, 2024
This was quite funny and ridiculous. A brief moment, but definitely a lot of laughs.
So Satan is having a bad time.
He found himself growing more and more apathetic toward his responsibilities. Where once he’d found joy in torture, now it seemed like too much work. Even wielding the whip with the little metal spikes on the end didn’t do it for him as it once had. 🥺🖤🥺

And God tries to cheer him up.
God grinned. “You know I like to meddle.”
“I know,” Satan muttered. “And I swear to you that if you even think of trying to get involved, I will storm the Gates of Heaven and bring my wrath upon you.”
“Promises, promises,” God said. “And I doubt you’d make it past the Pearly Gates. Peter’s got this new security system installed. State of the art. Has lasers that sound like puppies barking when they fire. It’s adorable. And deadly.”
😂🌵😂

And then there is salvation in the form of Jimmy.
“Shut up,” Satan growled, setting Jimmy back down on his lap. “Yes, I’m queer. All higher beings are. Heterosexuality is unnatural. It should only be used for procreation, and nothing more.”
“Whoa,” Jimmy said. “They sure got that wrong in the Bible, huh? God didn’t write that?”
“No. He didn’t.” Satan sighed. “He has a shirt like yours.”
“God’s a power bottom?” Jimmy exclaimed. “That’s awesome! I mean, I’m probably better at it. You know those bucking bronco machines in bars? I once stayed on one for four hours at the highest setting.”
🥰💞🥰

My only complaint would be that there was way too much foreplay and the time between Jimmy and Satan could have taken up more space in this story.
Profile Image for Len Evans Jr.
1,503 reviews224 followers
March 26, 2019
First off, this short it absolutely perfectly named. That said it is also laugh-out-loud hilarious. Oh my Me (as God would say) and the thing that makes this story perfection is easily Jimmy! I love everything about this story... God, Satan, Donna (gotta lover her) but Jimmy is just beyond words that I can write. You just seriously need go to Masterwriter (not Masterbator) Klune's website where you can download this for free. This short is the author at his ridiculous awesome best!
Profile Image for * A Reader Obsessed *.
2,696 reviews576 followers
January 23, 2021
3.5 Stars

The blurb does a fantastic job describing what this is all about.

What makes this smart is the envisioned Hell that Satan presides over, as well as his complicated relationship with God.

Satan’s plight is understandable, and when he’s confronted with Jimmy he’s both appalled and titillated. What he soon learns is that Jimmy is not going to take no for an answer. This makes for a comical situation as Satan takes on more than he ever bargained for.

A snarky free short!
Profile Image for Sandra .
1,984 reviews348 followers
December 20, 2018
HOLY SHIT, Tj Klune. How do you come up with stuff like this? I mean, you seem like a normal person (see what I did there?), but then you go and write wickedly irreverent and brilliantly outrageous stuff like this thing here, and I sit here in awe at how a story like this with hilarious dialogue just comes out of your brain.

Thank you for this. Thank you for being you. Keep on doing that.
Profile Image for Melissa.
1,414 reviews95 followers
October 25, 2024
Oct 2024 Audio
OMG, I had forgotten so much! Just love this and would love to have more in this series. :) Adding to my annual re-read list. Can't believe it's been so long!

March 2021 audio
Yep, this is possibly the best story ever. Just...ever. Of course, the next book is also good, just simply beyond words. 😁😁😁👍

March 2020 audio podcast review
OMG I could listen to this all day long. The group narration was awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You must listen to this. Can't wait for next installment. 😁😋

2019
Let's just say I recently enjoyed this twice in 4 days and have Klunatics to thank. 😊💋

2018
Oh My God!!!! Or as they say in Hell, Oh my Him, lol. 😁 This was completely outlandish and at first I didn't know what this was or what was happening. And then Jimmy. Is anyone prepared to meet someone such as Jimmy? Satan was not and it was the best Tuesday he had had in a long time. Completely recommend. And hmm, we might get more of these guys. 😉🙏😇👹
Profile Image for Gabi.
704 reviews112 followers
December 12, 2018
Oh My God! ...uh, I mean... What the Hell! ;D

I knew this day would be shitty for me,and I wanted to start it with a smile on my face, so I turned to TJ Klune, I knew he wouldn't disappoint. And Ho-lee shit! lol

What better way to start your hellish day (pun absolutely intended) with Hell's own gatekeeper! XD The one and only, the Magnificent, Beast form the East.... oh, uh sorry, wrong Beast! lol

The Beast Who Brings Misery to All! (Capitalized that shit, motherfuckers!) ;D And now I'm turning into Tiggy. lolz

If you're Floridian, or a Vegan (God forbid both), a personal injury attorney or just a Twitter-user, the President and First Lady and everyone who follows them.... or Michael Bay... please do read this book. It is entirely possible that you'll be offended, especially if you don't have a sense of humor, but maybe you'll learn a thing or two about yourself.

If you're a hateful Christian, please do read this book, cause I want you to be deeply offended.

Lastly if you believe in God, the one who teaches you to be kind, to be considerate, to believe in equality, no matter the race, gender or sexuality, and you're up for a good laugh, please do read this book. You will love it!


And for the love of Satan! What's wrong with mayonnaise? I love mayonnaise! :D Yum!
Profile Image for Sophia Triad.
2,241 reviews3,766 followers
December 16, 2018
New free book by T.J.Klune.
You can download it here:
http://www.tjklunebooks.com/new-blog/...

I have to admit that I did not particularly like Satan and Jimmy.
Satan was too softy and sentimental for a million years old evil guy. He should have been oozing wickedness and corruption. Instead he was far too sensitive for my liking. He is depending upon others to tell him how to be bad.
And I certainly couldn't get his connection to Jimmy. I think you have to be extremely desperate to end up with someone like Jimmy with his own personal issues.

On the other hand God is the real deal. Caustic, totally sarcastic and over the top godlike.

“Oh my me,” God said

My personal favourite was Jesus. And his interactions with his daddy, God, are hilarious.

"I promised Jesus I’d take him out cloud fishing today. He’s bitching about it, but—"
"I am not!" Jesus cried somewhere off screen. "I just don’t see the point. It’s like you don’t even know me! I wish I was never born and then died and then was reborn again!"


Anyway for a short novel, it is very compact and I am sure everyone will find something in it that it will make him/her laugh or at least smile.
Profile Image for Eugenia.
1,907 reviews319 followers
February 28, 2020
Audiobook review: FREAKING AWESOME and completely FREE! 4.5 Stars!

Original Review - December 2018:
Sacrilegious, hilarious, and cute!!! I loved every word!

Satan has the blues. God is a power bottom (so says the Devil). Jesus is a whiny teenager. And a twink named Jimmy just summoned the Lord of the Underworld.

The descriptions of Hell are priceless!

The only reason I didn't give this 5 STARS was because I wanted more!!!
Profile Image for Josy.
992 reviews3 followers
March 7, 2020
Link to the audiobook can be found in this blog post: http://www.tjklunebooks.com/new-blog/...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.tjklunebooks.com/new-blog/...


(banners created by members of the Klunatics FB group)

"Straight up: if you are extremely religious and/or find the idea of Satan as a main character to be offensive, this is not the story for you. You have been warned up front. You are 100% allowed to have a boner for Jesus, but please don’t leave comments about how offended you are and blah, blah, blah. I don’t have time for such nonsense.

In addition, I would like to make a request. I thought about charging for this. It’s near 20K words, and I thought maybe a buck or two would make sense. However, I’ve been fortunate in that I’ve had a very good year (thanks to all of you!), so I ask that you consider throwing a buck or five toward the LGBTQ charity The Trevor Project in lieu of any payment to me. They are a wonderful organization who could use every cent they can get. Every little bit helps, and just think! You’re doing it in the name of Satan.

Trevor Project Donation Link:

https://give.thetrevorproject.org/giv... "
Profile Image for Renegade ♥.
1,339 reviews
April 15, 2019
4 stars

"Oh my me," God said, eyes wide. "What are you doing?"

Related image

A WARNING from the author:

Straight up: if you are extremely religious and/or find the idea of Satan as a main character to be offensive, this is not the story for you. You have been warned up front. You are 100% allowed to have a boner for Jesus, but please don’t leave comments about how offended you are and blah, blah, blah. I don’t have time for such nonsense.

If that (and the blurb) doesn't give you some clue what you're in for with this one, please take another look at that title.

Dead giveaway.

So, you've been warned twice now - once by the author and once by yours truly.

Image result for did you hear what I said gif

And from this point on? You're on your own.

(Trust your gut. I think you already know whether to consider diving in or whether to stay far, far away.)

All righty then...

Image result for do you understand the words coming out of my mouth gif

What can I say without saying too much?

Well, Satan is overworked, depressed, and feeling lonely, and God knows he needs a bit of a time out and to find his passion for existence once again...

“Whoa, whoa,” Satan said, suddenly alarmed. “I can’t just do it now. I have responsibilities! Unions! Hypocritical Twitter bios! I have to plan so that I—”
“Satan.”
Satan sighed. “What?”
“There’s always going to be an excuse,” he said gently. “Always something that needs your attention, and we’ll be having this same conversation for the next century. If not now, when? You got this, man. Hell won’t fall apart because you took one day for yourself. You’ve earned it, okay? Trust me on that.”


This incredibly odd little story is clever.

And ridiculous.

And fun.





And I couldn't take it seriously (nor do I believe I was meant to), even as there were aspects that resonated with me throughout. For those who aren't easily offended and possibly curious about just how 'blasphemous' this could be?



Image result for mayo funny gif

You might enjoy this bit of creative weirdness.



It all depends on your sense of humor, I imagine, as well as where your personal lines and boundaries lie.

"Do you not have movies in Hell? Oh my god, have you ever seen a movie?"
"We have movies," Satan said. "There's one theater that only plays Transformer movies in slow motion."
Jimmy grimaced. "That does sound like Hell."
It was one of their best forms of torture. Satan couldn't wait to get his hands on Michael Bay. It was only a matter of time, especially since God had already promised Satan he could have him. "It is."




Different strokes for different folks and all that jazz.



"If this is you playing some trick on me," Satan muttered to God, "I'll never let you hear the end of it."
"Who are you talking to?" Jimmy asked. He looked around wildly. "Are there other demons here? Are you all going to take advantage of my young, nubile body. Oh noooo. Please. Nooo. Anything but that." He winked at Satan.
Satan felt uncharacteristically flustered. "I'm not - there's not going to be any advantages taken. I was talking to God."
Jimmy started choking. "God is real?"
Satan blinked. "Of course he's real."
"Sounds fake, but okay."
"I'm real. Why the hell would it be so impossible that God is real too?"
Jimmy shrugged. "You're standing right in front of me. God isn't, so."
"That's - that's not how it works!"
"Sure it's not," Jimmy said easily. "Whatever you say, Satan."


Image result for whatever you say satan funny gif

This is a bizarre, funny, kinda sweet, sometimes rude, naughty, and irreverent tale with definite dashes of political commentary thrown into the mix. It's the kind of thing that would likely twist some people into outraged knots (for various reasons), while others would either shake their heads and sigh and/or laugh their asses off.

*** Nosce te ipsum.



Free Story link:
http://www.tjklunebooks.com/new-blog/...
Profile Image for Cadiva.
3,997 reviews437 followers
December 12, 2018
Ridiculously funny, irreverent and filled with the biting wit and clever writing that is the hallmark of TJ, Blasphemy is an absolute delight
Profile Image for Aleja.
873 reviews66 followers
March 8, 2021
Reto PopSugar 2021: 50. Un libro gratis de tu lista TBR (regalado, prestado, biblioteca, etc.).

Es una historia super hilarante y me encantó hahaha🤣
Jimmy y Satán son🥰🥰🥰
Profile Image for  ♥ Rebecca ♥.
1,628 reviews471 followers
March 1, 2020
So I read this hesitantly. As a Christian I felt uncomfortable about the obvious blasphemy. 😅 But I listened to it anyway because I love TJ and I knew he’d make it hilarious. And of course it was! And Jimmy was totally adorable!! But I was sort of cringing the whole way through, but that’s just me. Still managed to really enjoy it!

Audiobook for free on The Klunatics Podcast.
Profile Image for Briar.
833 reviews
April 30, 2022
This was actually amazing. No one does humour like TJ.
Also please write more about these characters! If that question mark at the very end is any indicator, I hope he will!
Profile Image for Francesca.
590 reviews2 followers
December 13, 2018
Irreverent, hilarious and very, very clever. Exactly what was needed on this dreary, rainy morning
Profile Image for Silvia .
694 reviews1,687 followers
December 4, 2020
Reread this two years later and it's still funny as fuck but also there's an added layer of fun if you imagine Jimmy as tiktok user ghosthoney dkdjdjdh

____
Lmao wtf
Profile Image for Emma.
1,016 reviews1,027 followers
July 6, 2019
3.5 Stars

This was so weird but in such a good and unexpected way! I found this novella while I was looking through T.J. Klune’s books and so I decided to read it.
Let’s be clear on one thing: if you’re uncomfortable with having God and Satan as normal characters then this isn’t the book for you.
I don’t mind some jokes and I must say that I found this novella quite funny, especially when there were political jabs and things related to current events.
Jimmy was very funny and outgoing and Satan totally didn’t expect him to enter into his life.
If you’re looking for something funny I recommend this one!
Profile Image for Vallie.
707 reviews78 followers
December 11, 2018
Absurd and totally perfect in a psychotic way. Totally cracked me up -you rock TJ! Need a sequel to this for sure.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 476 reviews

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