Wholly Unraveled: A Memoir

by Keele Burgin

Sometimes all that it takes to start over is the courage to say you will.

In Kathleen’s home, red jeans were a sin. Parties were punishable with violence. Fear was part of the daily norm. Growing up in a Catholic cult, under the unforgiving eye of her abusive father, Kathleen knew from an early age that if she were to survive, she’d have to do it on her own.

But when the time came to escape, she found herself in a damaging spiral of self-destruction. At rock bottom, and with nowhere to go, Kathleen stepped off a bus in the last place she ever thought she’d find a remote community in rural Canada. Spending a year in almost complete silence, Kathleen feared this experience would prove to be just another step in her unraveling. Instead, with her demons quieted, she emerged with a fresh understanding of self, an empowering new purpose, and a sense of worthiness that she would never let be challenged again.

Wholly Unraveled is Keele Burgin’s gripping and inspiring journey of self-discovery and of finally finding her voice against nearly insurmountable odds.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Religion, Audiobook, Autobiography, Biography Memoir

287 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 1, 2019

Reviews

[Susanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an Amazon First reads for March.

This was such an odd reading experience: on the one hand shocking descriptions of abuse leading to addiction and self-destructive behaviour, on the other all the characters (including the narrator) are so one-dimensional large parts of the book don't ring quite true.
I couldn't get a grip of her family, was she the only child being abused and if so, why? Why were the parents ok with the daughters going to parties but not with her wearing jeans? Has the author come to any kind of understanding of her family dynamics?
One specific episode that bothered me was after she gets arrested for having a party in the neighbours' house her punishment is confinement to the pool house. So a legitimate crime she was actually arrested for gets this soft treatment, while wearing jeans gets her beaten with a stick?? Not saying it didn't happen this way, but some kind of explanation would have been interesting.

And how did such a controlling family agree to send her away to college with no supervision?
I also didn't understand why she later chose to enter a different cult-like environment. Did she really overcome addiction by doing laundry in silence and being locked up in a cabin in the woods? After the outburst with the priest I expected some kind of revelation that she was just running from one oppressive religion to another, but instead this is what shows her the way forward?
And why did her father never contact her to bring her back into the fold before she went to live in the "Madonna House"? How did he even know he would find her there?

Ultimately a somewhat interesting read, but it left me with too many unanswered questions.

[sequoia spirit · Rating 5 out of 5]

i was caught up in this book from page one.. i read it in 2 days.. took my kindle to bed with me, reading page after page under the covers.. fell asleep with it.. put most of life on hold today and just finished it..
i saw so much of myself in her words..
i admit, as others have reviewed and stated that there are so many parts of her story left unknowing.. but those are her memories, stories and nightmares.. i'm sure they will make it to print for our hungry eyes at some point.. but that's what i like about her, her random bits of reflection and which layers of the onion she decides to peel back for us..
when i was reading her first moments of abuse, i noticed my body flush and my heart start to race, i was carrying the anxiety in me, thru her, thru me..
it made me feel more than i thought..
5 stars all day, all night long.. bravo! for a brave womans voice thru vulnerability.. i appreciate it..

[🩶 April • A.M. Flynn • 🩶 · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautifully written memoir! oh my god!

[Tracy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Free from Amazon as part of the March First Reads.

The depictions of abuse are seriously rough and Kathleen's destructive behavior in the second section of the book is tough to watch. But overall it's an uneven book. How did she grow her life after leaving Madonna House? What is her current relationship with Shirley? With her siblings? Her parents?

I read the acknowledgements just to see if there was some mention of her current life and if I could ascertain anything.

How did you make it out? How do you live now? ARGH. So many questions.

[Cookie M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Keele Burgin went through a childhood that made mine look like 18 years at Disney World. My father was an authoritarian Catholic man who always had to be right, and we children were little bundles of Original Sin that needed to be corrected and molded into good people. But, he loved us. He was consistent. He played with us. We just learned, or tried to learn not to push his buttons.
Keele's father was self-righteous, vindictive and mean. Her mother read frightened and submissive.
Keele acted out, rebelled and got kicked out.
She spent years self abusing and hating herself until she ended up at a remote retreat center where she was forced to reckon with her anger and hatred.
This book is a tough read. But it made me think something. When I was a kid, and things were bad at my house, and my parents were yelling and screaming at us at the tops of their lungs, and saying awful things, why didn't anyone ever say something, or come to our rescue. Maybe it was because worse things were quietly going on in other houses.

[Patricia Doyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an unbelievable story of survival. Kathleen, if you were here right now I’d hug the heck out of you. I wouldn’t speak — just hug — because I have no words. Again, unbelievable!

There aren’t enough words to describe Kathleen’s father. Mean? Too small a word. Cruel? Nope, not big enough. Heartless? If this were fiction, I’d say, “C’mon, that would never happen.” But it’s non-fiction, and it did happen. It’s just incredibly cruel that a parent — a dad — could inflict so much pain on their child.

Kathleen’s story is remarkable. Congratulations! (That’s all I’ll say since I don’t want to include a Spoiler.) Congratulations on surviving and living.

Thank you, Ms. Burgin for allowing me to read this very raw and honest memoir that reveals glimpses into your life, a life that I cannot even imagine.

[Charlee · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was my Amazon First Reads pick for the month of March.

I'm honestly not sure how to feel about this book. On one hand, it was an engrossing story that grabbed onto me and didn't want to let me go until I finished it. On the other hand, there was so much self-destruction and bouncing from one to cult to what sounded like another that I found myself getting annoyed. Reading about her growing up was hard because she had no control over that. Reading about her adult years was also hard because she did. At the end, I felt like we were told a half story. A story about a horrible childhood that turned into a dreadful adulthood with many questions left unanswered. I'm glad that it sounds like she finally found peace. I just wish she would have let us into that part of her life like she did the rest of it.

[Allison Vella · Rating 3 out of 5]

Totally engrossing but there's just too little resolution for the reader. Researching the author after the fact, it seems she goes on to do absolutely incredible things which prove the most amazing self growth and healing. But how? How does she leave Toronto and accomplish all these things with no family or money? Does she ever meet up with her siblings again? Why does she take her son to meet her father? Did she ever make amends with Logan? What happened to Grace?

There are just so many holes that make it a struggle to have closure. I kudos the author for sharing her horrible tale and hope she publishes an after note with some answers.

[Jonna Ventura · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a difficult read and left me with too many questions...why why why??? I found it ironic that she ran away from the abuse in one cult to only then find herself seeking help in another. I do understand everyone has their own journey and Kathleen's journey was a tragic one...very tragic. I'm giving 2.5 stars for the unclear writing and lack of connecting the dots.

[Pam S · Rating 4 out of 5]

Human beings tend to avoid discomfort; this has likely become hardwired into our DNA after decades of evolution. Sometimes, however, feeling uncomfortable isn't all bad, especially when treading outside our comfort zone leads to a better understanding of the world around us, for better or worse. This book pulled me in many directions, some of them profoundly uncomfortable. I am not easily upset by what I read and it made me squirm at times. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Initially, I was interested in this book after seeing the (perhaps inevitable) comparisons to Tara Westover’s Educated, which I absolutely loved, in many reviews when it was first released. I immediately downloaded it. Despite my initial interest, life happened, and the title sat languishing in my Kindle for six months before I got a chance to start it. I finally began reading it, only to discover that I had a really, really hard time getting into it. This was strange, because it is exactly the kind of intense, harrowing, narrative memoir that I tend to gravitate towards like a moth to a flame. I ended up setting it aside for another few months, during which I completed a handful of other books (including a few memoirs) before picking it up again and finally getting caught up in the story of Kylee Burgin, the daughter of an abusive, domineering and mercurial religious cult leader father and a docile, look-the-other-way (and therefore complicit) mother.

As for the comparisons to Educated, I believe they are valid, to a point, but perhaps not particularly apt. While there are definitely some similarities, such as the toxic combination of the physically and mentally abusive father and the passively neglectful mother, this is where the similarities (mostly) end. To describe these two memoirs as similar, does, I think, an injustice to one major difference; Westover was raised in a rural environment in abject poverty, while Burgin was raised in an urban, wealthy household. Where Westover had to work doing manual labor to earn a meager living, Burgin lived in a mansion with servants. These are, in some ways literally, different worlds. That said, there are touchstones that the two women’s stories share; the religious zealot’s justification for abuse and male domination, the submissive mother who defers to the domineering father, and myriad other, smaller similarities that I surmise many abused women share.

The narrative structure and writing style of Burgin’s book is different than Westover’s though, and the thread of melancholy that weaves through its pages is both unique in feel and universal in scope. Kylee Burgin is a strong writer, and her use of language to convey emotion is clearly evident in these pages. Descriptions of pivotal events often manage to be at once jarring and fluid, a skill that I have to come to admire and respect in my extensive memoir reading. Burgin’s journey from abused child, to rebellious teenager, to introspective adult turns out to be compelling, despite some odd organizational choices. Both books were brutal, beautiful reads that leave one with the sense that even extreme obstacles can be overcome, if not forgotten. Overall, I found this to be a difficult but ultimately rewarding read.

[David Crow · Rating 5 out of 5]

People who have not had a traumatic childhood don't understand the lasting impact it leaves. As I read Keele Burgin's book I remembered the trauma in my own childhood. I bled through the pages for her and knew that healing would be her life's greatest challenge. Most people who've been through what she experienced never heal. As with my own book, The Pale-Faced Lie, readers were very critical of my mistakes and what I left out. They don't understand the need to protect other's privacy. I was struck by how readers decided that Keele skimmed over her own faults and how she got through her ordeal. You wrote passionately about her mistakes without sugar coating any of it. Keele and I came to the exact same conclusion: "I could not have written this book without going back to my childhood and doing the work to identify what happened and internalize what happened." These are powerful words with a powerful message for all of us who were damaged beyond comprehension by horrific parents. For those who have not been through this type of experience, you have no idea how hard it is to believe you are a good person, a person worthy of a happy life. And luckily you will never know. This is a brave, courageous book by a truly great writer and person. I cried for her until the end knowing how how hard she fought to get free of her demons. I highly recommend this book though it is not for the faint at heart. Keele's message will resonate long after you have finished. You will root for her and know that she is helping countless others by sharing her story, starting with me. Bravo Keele, I feel as though we have known each other always. Read this book, it will help you understand that childhood is a city we never leave. That is great if it was a good childhood but it is a life sentence if you have not.

[Mandi Ehman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a gripping memoir, and I read it in about 24 hours. The abuse, trauma and self-destruction Kathleen Burgin writes about is vivid and shocking.

The struggle for me is that it all feels a bit disjointed. It’s storytelling without a resolution. I want to know how she moved from one phase of her life to the next, how she became an author, why she cut off ties with her whole family, etc.

I’m not looking for a happy ending necessarily but just some type of closure on the story!

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book reads like a diary. The narrative is choppy and all over the place, but the story remains intact. By the end I was enjoying it, but for a good portion I was just annoyed.I

The implication that the Catholic church allowed or even endorsed many of the so-called "leaders," like the author's father is repugnant.

It's an interesting memoir, but flawed in execution.

[Gehayi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lacks coherence and cohesiveness. The book starts with a one-dimensional family of supposed Catholics (I say "supposed" because they read like a Protestant's concept of Roman Catholicism and they make a great deal of fuss about speaking in tongues, which is primarily the focus of Protestant fundamentalists, not Catholics): an abusive father, a refrigerator mother who enables the father's abuse, and sisters so lacking in personality as to be interchangeable. After a while, the book jumps to Orange is the New Black as Kathleen suffers from eating disorders and gets involved with a drug dealer. Finally, and most improbably of all, Kathleen goes to Madonna House out in the Canadian woods--which, again, seemed far more Protestant than Catholic--and somehow overcomes her numerous psychological problems simply by learning to eat regularly (because eating disorders are just that easy to overcome) and by observing another angry woman. Oh, and her father tracks her down to Madonna House and orders her to come home. Kathleen defies him and says no. There are no consequences for this. I had to wonder why he would want Kathleen back at the family homestead when he nearly shot her to death when she was a child.

The entire book is like that. Kathleen has no insights about herself or her parents; events merely happen randomly. The characters are as flat as paper dolls. In fact, they are more tropes than people. ( Archnemesis Dad . Big Sister Bully . Parental Neglect .) And so on.

Moreover, there are enough plotholes to drive a convoy of Mack trucks through. The father shoots a horse and fires a trainer with no consequences whatsoever, and there is no explanation for this. Kathleen commits identity theft and is caught...and somehow manages to sidestep prison, though it's not explained how. (This makes little sense, as the sister who likes Kathleen least is the one whose identity Kathleen steals, and Mary would certainly be hearing from creditors about debts that her thieving sister had incurred in Mary's name.) There's a paper trail a mile wide, but Kathleen is not punished for her misdeeds. Most of all, I could not understand why someone whose life had been made a misery because of the alleged religious beliefs of two dictatorial men would move to a cult-like halfway house in the middle of the Canadian wilderness...and why she would stay there for more than two seconds, because all of the work was either creepy (going down into an unlit root cellar) or worthless (washing booger-filled cloth handkerchiefs by hand instead of using washing machines). Nor is there an explanation for how her father discovered that Kathleen was at Madonna House, especially since she had had no contact with him or the rest of her blood relatives for years.

All in all, the book reads like an incomplete first draft.

[Dayanara Ryelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm torn on how to rate this. At a little over halfway, I have a good grip on the nature of this book, but I still don't know how I feel about it. I suspect I'll come away with the same feelings as I did after watching Whiplash--it will be the very best and the very worst of books. (And I won't want to read it ever again!)


If you read the description hoping for something in the way of A Child Called It, you definitely have the right book. (Conversely, if ACCI made you want to kill someone, don't read WU.) I've been relaying bits of the story to a friend of mine, and I think this section sums it up rather nicely:

[Keele's] father slapped her so hard that she landed in Lake Powell. She swam to shore, he announced he was going to kill her and forced her on a death march. He loaded the .45, missed both times, and then decided that was enough and took her back to the rest of the family.

I may have more to say after the back half of the book (like expecting a little more from the Servants of Light in terms of cultishness); but for now, I'm just happy the author got out.


~*~My copy is from Amazon's Kindle First program for the month of March 2019~*~

[Shelli]

Not only did I not finish this book, I didn't even start it, but I'm leaving this here for other people who would also want to know about the following warning:

Although the author and I call the same place home (and she lives [lived?] in the coolest house in town), I have been warned that there is at least one scene of horrible, horrible animal abuse in this book, which is a huge freak-out trigger for me, and I know for others as well. I'm disappointed I won't be able to read Keele's story, but the trade-off is not worth it to me.

Thanks to the folks in the Reader Q&A section who confirmed the disturbing content, and to the reviewer who referenced it enough to tip me off that I should definitely get a confirmation before I attempted to read it. I'm pretty sure I dodged a bullet.

ADDENDUM: If you are one of my fellow animal hypersensitives, DO NOT READ THE ANSWERS TO MY READER Q&A QUESTION, mentioned above. One responder took it upon herself to actually detail the animal abuse for us. I reported to Goodreads asking for help, but I don't know if it's technicall against their terms of use to be overtly cruel to people? Just… don't read the long, second answer. Probably don't even let it in your field of vision.

[Kellie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest

I appreciate the author’s willingness to share her story. She endured pain and abuse that many people cannot even imagine and that too many others don’t have to imagine. I am filled with admiration that she has been able to build a life that has transcended the choices of those who would not keep her safe.

Her writing has an abbreviated tautness to it that underscores the jagged edges of her memories. The storytelling was coherent, with a lot of lovely use of language and description. That being said, there is a kind of flatness to the narrative, not necessarily in a bad way, but in a way that reminded me of someone telling a story while under the influence of a truth serum or something. This was not an easy story to tell, and the need to get it out of her did not solve that problem. Her pain is still evident in every word. The change in tone in the final acknowledgements was a good resolution for me; I appreciated a softer, realer understanding of the person she is now.

I hope she keeps writing, especially with her stated aim of helping and empowering women. That is just a good thing and the world needs all the goodness it can get.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a brutally raw memoir of a woman’s escape from an abusive father who was the head of a Catholic cult. It is equal parts shocking and inspiring because she ultimately escapes the cult to find herself in a year-long retreat of near-total silence. This experience inspired her own movement to empower other women to share their traumas and move on to better lives.

This book was a tough read. Trigger warning: It deals with child abuse, rape, and neglect. Keele endured an unbelievably abusive childhood with a ruthless father and his seemingly inescapable cult. But I found it genuinely inspiring because Keele shared the most wounded parts of herself. She survived escaping the cult, but not before self-abuse and then hitting rock bottom. But from there, she went on to found her own organization to empower women through sharing their own stories. Though intense and very challenging to read, I was touched by Keele’s story and just how far she’s come.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/kee...

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

At times I realized I was holding my breath

You know the scary movies where the scene gets crazy intense and you stop doing everything (eating, talking, hell even breathing) that happened several times while I was reading this. Admittedly, there were parts that went into greater detail than I was comfortable with, but honestly, who is comfortable with the entire subject matter of this book?
I felt rage for her, fear for her, I even cried a tear for her. It is hard to write a memoir and get it all across without rambling and jumping back to after thoughts. But she delivered it so well to keep you fully emerged in her story. As if you were right there in the room with her wanting to protect the hurt little girl, stop the troublesome teen, save the self destructive adult, or council the woman. I thank her for telling her story and maybe just maybe, it will get someone else to tell theirs.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just.... wow

This book was terribly wonderful. It is now on my top 5 list. The range of emptiness you can feel while reading this is unbelievable. There are no other words to describe it.

There are times when you think the author can't suffer more, that there's no way she can go through more, especially by her family, and then the "more" slaps you in the face. Her grit and tenacity are paramount to her character and yet you see her fighting to be free and to feel loved; to not have to have so much "grit".

And then..... she spirals out of control. I feel this section so much in my heart. This was me.... I have been this person and it's scary. And you wake up one day and boom: section three of the book... this section has love, struggle, anger, release, relief, and finally self worth in some aspect.

There is an amount of love in each word of this book in the way it is written. It is spectacular.

[Sylvia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finding Answers

Why did I choose the 5 Star rating? Because I was caught up in character’s life from Page 1. How many of us wish we had the courage she did to go where she did to find herself? She preserved and came out a whole person. I have never heard of the Catholic doctrine in which she was raised and heart went out to the poor child. However, being Catholic I found myself wishing more Catholic parents would pay attention to their child’s religious upbringing but NEVER in the way her father did. His way was certainly not the Godly way! It was a great sharing of her life and how she was strong enough to find herself. A must read!

[Deb Culbertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect

Every woman who has apologized for something read some to them instead of screaming out that they were hurt and brutalized beds the strength of this writing bravo the the author for helping me see that my voice is necessary for my personal well being. The strong story being hope to silent women who have had the experience of being hurt and not the opportunity to tell our they have found that they were not at fault, finding the hurt and facing the it then admitting to another person you have it is life changing. Better yet closing the book by facing the transgressive pricing they have no more power is what this character helps you find.

[Kaleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book was so much. By far one of the most touching and powerful memoirs I have ever read. Keele Burgin walks us through her life as the daughter of a an abusive, religious zealot and continues on as she learns to break free of her past.

Burgin's story is an intense look at the traumas people carry from childhood into adulthood. Her writing style is brilliant and she does an excellent job of putting words to the feelings that so many people go through. Throughout her story I raged at her father, cried at her pain, and smiled at her triumphs.

I highly, highly recommend this powerful story! It will stick with you for a long time afterward.

[Chris Gire · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book a week after reading Educated by Tara Westhoven. I was fascinated by the journey each author took out of her own abusive childhood. How one author saw a path of betterment early on and the other took a detour on a path of self destruction. Ultimately both chose to love themselves and break free of toxic relationships. Thank you to both authors for bravely sharing your stories and your journeys.

[Savannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir was incredibly difficult to read, and made me feel so much anger and sadness. But I also felt hope and love and inspiration. Kathleen’s journey is incredible, and they way she writes is raw and vulnerable. I learned so much from her story, and I definitely held back tears at the ending. One of the best memoirs I’ve read!

Content/Trigger Warnings: child abuse, rape, anorexia, drugs/alcohol abuse

[Brianna Cole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing

Perhaps the best written memoir I've read. It reads and flows as a novel. Its raw and unrelenting. You feel her pain and rejection and soar on her tumultuous journey right alongside her. This story unlocked so many memories I wish I didn't have from my own past. I only wish now that I could share a coffee with Keele and discuss just how worthy we truly are.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unbelievable that it’s a true story. Want to understand the comment made that this cult was organized by the Catholic Church with no explaination on that. which makes it hard to believe. Very happy for the author that she was able to work through and survive her family abuse and is doing work to help others!

[Barbara Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought provoking

This story was so real. The author told her story from survival to recovery and the many paths it took. She claimed the journey made her who she is today but I also believe it is because of who she already was inside that she made the journey at all.

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking and Inspiring

Watching the author’s life unfold in a heartbreaking way and then be pieced back together from the inside by her own will creates a page turning memoir designed to inspire others. This book will not disappoint readers who are looking for hope.

[Alvaro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Empowering Pain

This book make my heart tremble, my memories flown and give me a sense of been, what a great and powerful story, with blessing reality that more than many are hiding painfully.