Larry Kramer was a lot of things, but at his core, he was a hater. Unlike the haters nowadays, Kramer was genuine in his ideology, regardless of how many bridges it burned. He believed in his work and he believed in the world, but the way he gets there is almost always provocative—bordering on offensive—to ensure his audience is paying attention. Kramer tends to impregnate these beliefs into the narrative as he fictionalizes himself as the protagonist. Though his self-imposed characterization can feel grating, it’s something I anticipate as I engage with Kramer’s work. His keen eye, though judgmental, illustrates a very rich landscape of gay male urban life. His stubborn pessimism collapses loneliness into queerness, force-feeding his belief that to be gay is to be (perversely) miserable. Though I ardently disagree with this attitude, I did find his engagement with the Perverse to be undeniably thought-provoking. What lengths will we go to feel community? Where do our desires take us? How can we better understand ourselves through the boundaries of our identities? How many ways can gay men wrestle with their shame? What happens when the shame wins?
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“The success of any satire is gauged by the degree of offense it provokes at its initial appearance and by the durability of that offense.”
“Yes, sex and love were different items when he wanted them in one, and yes, having so much sex made having love impossible, and yes, sadism was only a way to keep people away from us and masochism only a way to clutch them close, and yes, we are sadists with some guys and masochists with other guys and sometimes both with both, and yes, we’re all out of the closet but we’re still in the ghetto and all I see is guys hurting each other and themselves. But how to get out! And yes, the world is giving us a bad name and we’re giving us a bad name and one of us has got to stop and it’s not going to be the world. But even knowing all of this … where am I? And how to say all this to anyone, when no one is listening, no one wants to hear, not even his two best friends, whom he sensed weren’t listening to each other, oh what good were words, words didn’t help me and Dinky, what good were words when acts were all that counted?”
“These articles of clothing, or permutations of same (khakis, Levis, with button flies only, and not preshrunk, painter’s pants, Adidas, items of butch-ery) were the uniform. He felt safest wearing them, though he knew not why. Was it hiding? Or homogenizing? A way of staying anonymous to the outside world but recognizable to the inmates? If clothes make the man, what were they making? A way of insisting they were men, more men than men? And why was the same guy Hot and fuckable in a Pendleton and not in a Polo? And why did black boots on Christopher Street lure more fellows than brown? And were leather and jockstraps and football jerseys and satin boxing shorts all a send-up and a turn-on, and was this a clue to the faggot sensibility?”
“I shall say that it is my considered heterosexual opinion that every faggot, though I shall not use this word, considers his homosexuality as very special to him, in the sense of sacrosanct, like a pain which he has lived with a very long time. Thus it becomes a sacred pain, and one which is difficult to challenge on the one hand, or to share with another faggot on the other, whose comprehension of exactly the same pain would seem to make him the obvious choice of sharer, helpmate, lover, but which, in fact, makes him just the opposite: makes him a combatant in the same arena, fighting to see who is the victor over the same spoils—these spoils being the same Pandora’s Box of pain.”
“There is so much I want to say, but I’m afraid. Afraid of going too fast, pushing too much, giving too little. Afraid of tomorrow, of being hurt, of hurting someone else, oh so many things. However, your tenderness brings me back. It is something I have been without for so long that I forget what it makes me feel, or better, that it makes me feel.”
“Everyone is so silly. Everyone wants too much. Being gay isn’t fun anymore.”
He wasn’t ready for such beauty, such potential, such unlimited choice. The place scared him half to death. It was a warm and sunny weekend and there were one thousand bathing-suited handsomenesses on The Botel deck at Tea Dance. They all seemed to know each other and to touch and greet and smile at each other. And there he was, alone. Though he had acquired his 150-pound body for the first time (of his so-far three: the first for himself, the second for Feffer, number three, with muscles, for Dinky), he still felt like Mrs. Shelley’s monster, pale, and with a touch of leprosy thrown in. Not only had he no one to talk to, not only did the overwhelmingness of being confronted by so much Grade A male flesh, most of which seemed superior to his, which would make it difficult to talk to, even if he could utter, which he could not, floor him, but everyone else seemed so secure, not only with their bodies (all thin and no doubt well-defined since birth), tans, personalities, their smiles and chat, but also with that ability to use their eyes, much like early prospectors must have looked for gold, darting them hither and yon, seeking out the sparkling flecks, separating the valued from the less so, meaning, he automatically assumed, him. Their glances his way seemed like disposable bottles, no deposit, no return. He felt like Mr. Not Wanted On The Voyage, even though it was, so be it, his birthday. Many years would pass before he would discover that everybody else felt exactly the same way.”
“No wonder it’s been so hard for me to have just the one thing I’ve wanted the most. Love. And no wonder I’ve never had it. I wanted a fantasy and that’s what I got. If I’d chosen a real person, I would have had to face up to a real relationship. Too scary. Too full of Mom and Pop.”
“How dare we have treated ourselves and each other so badly? Anger. For love unrealized. For settling for so little. For humiliation and its pleasure. For foolishness revealed. For having loved half a person. And therefore having hoped only half fully. For being putty. For cowardice and being Lester’s sissy. For selfishness. For playing the petty game of dangler and danglee. For life still undefined. For lies. To self and others. For the lack of courage to be faithful. To self and love.”
“Yes, we were the quintessential faggots, Dinky. One cock teaser and one doormat. Afraid of love. Using our bodies as barter instead of our brains as heart.”
"There are hundreds, thousands, passing the message of love from body to body, touching neighbor’s hand, then lips gently kissing, softly as those distant lapping waves, under disappearing stars and moon, and the rising sun, thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions of handsome men, sitting cross-legged on the sands, celebrating this morning and this summer’s love… yes I’m still scared … … the group keeps growing, so many for our growing group, many many many millions who wish to welcome The Summer of Our Lives.”