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We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis
"Timely and necessary...This book is not only a warning. It is an opportunity. An opportunity to live out the gospel we so passionately proclaim. And it starts with listening."—J.D. Greear, President of the Southern Baptist Convention
Time’s Up: Addressing the Unspoken Crisis in the Church
We like to think the church is a haven for the hurting. But what happens when it’s not?
Author and advocate Mary DeMuth urges the church she loves to rise up and face the evil of sexual abuse and harassment with candor and empathy. Based on research and survivors’ stories, along with fierce fidelity to Scripture, DeMuth unpacks the church’s response to sexual violence and provides a healthy framework for the church to become a haven of healing instead of an institution of judgment.
In the throes of the #MeToo movement, our response as Christians is vital. God beckons us to be good Samaritans to those facing trauma and brokenness in the aftermath of abuse and provide safe spaces to heal. DeMuth advocates for a culture of honesty and listening and calls on the church to enter the places where people are hurting. In the circle of that kind of empathetic #WeToo community, the church must become what it’s meant to be—a place of justice and healing for everyone.
Time’s Up: Addressing the Unspoken Crisis in the Church
We like to think the church is a haven for the hurting. But what happens when it’s not?
Author and advocate Mary DeMuth urges the church she loves to rise up and face the evil of sexual abuse and harassment with candor and empathy. Based on research and survivors’ stories, along with fierce fidelity to Scripture, DeMuth unpacks the church’s response to sexual violence and provides a healthy framework for the church to become a haven of healing instead of an institution of judgment.
In the throes of the #MeToo movement, our response as Christians is vital. God beckons us to be good Samaritans to those facing trauma and brokenness in the aftermath of abuse and provide safe spaces to heal. DeMuth advocates for a culture of honesty and listening and calls on the church to enter the places where people are hurting. In the circle of that kind of empathetic #WeToo community, the church must become what it’s meant to be—a place of justice and healing for everyone.
224 pages, Paperback
First published August 13, 2019
37 people are currently reading
570 people want to read
About the author
Mary E. DeMuth
73 books417 followersMary DeMuth is literary agent, international speaker, podcaster, and she’s the novelist and nonfiction author of over forty books, including Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy (Bethany 2022). She loves to help people re-story their lives. She lives in Texas with her husband of 31 years and is the mom to three adult children. Find out more at marydemuth.com. Be prayed for on her daily prayer podcast with 4 million downloads: prayeveryday.show. For sexual abuse resources, visit wetoo.org. For cards, prints, and artsy fun go to marydemuth.com/art. Find out what she’s looking for as a literary agent at marydemuthliterary.com
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November 30, 2022
“The church acts most like Jesus when it protects the victimized.” – pg. 192
Unlike other reviewers, I’m not going to focus on the sexual abuse aspect of this book. Obviously, a book entitled “We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis” has a major emphasis on sexual abuse. But, author Mary DeMuth lays bare the trauma that accompanies sexual abuse and anyone who has experienced any kind of trauma can relate to the shame, the ugliness from the church, the gentle and not-so-gentle push out of the church before their trauma “infects” anyone else.
Yet, DeMuth sincerely believes the church has a desire to grow in Christ. I expected to find “We Too” condemning; instead I discovered a joyous, hope-filled practical guide. Don’t misunderstand. It’s not a feel-good book. It’s a throw-down. A righteously angry call to the church to change its’ behavior. But, from the very first word it’s clear that DeMuth has written this book with the end goal of a whole, healed church in mind.
“We Too” can be divided into four parts – 1) Introducing the problem (that those who suffer from trauma are being rejected from churches); 2) Why it’s difficult to meet that problem (the areas that trauma sufferers can’t get past and the areas in which churches only think they’re helping); 3) Practical how-to’s; 4) A beautiful vision of a church that cares for the wounded.
Instead of patting pastors on the head and saying, “Now do better.” this book lays out direct guidelines for what to do – especially in the case of sexual abuse. Specific steps are listed in order to validate the victim and protect the church from further harm. It’s not about protecting the church’s reputation. In fact, if a church truly desires to protect their reputation they will protect the victimized. There is great freedom and enormous safety in attending a church that will stand up and fight for your safety.
The bottom line? I firmly believe every single pastor needs to read this. Every single minister, Sunday School teacher, follower of Christ. Every person that desires to learn how to love the broken. Every library should have a copy of this. Every bookstore should promote this.
Unlike other reviewers, I’m not going to focus on the sexual abuse aspect of this book. Obviously, a book entitled “We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis” has a major emphasis on sexual abuse. But, author Mary DeMuth lays bare the trauma that accompanies sexual abuse and anyone who has experienced any kind of trauma can relate to the shame, the ugliness from the church, the gentle and not-so-gentle push out of the church before their trauma “infects” anyone else.
Yet, DeMuth sincerely believes the church has a desire to grow in Christ. I expected to find “We Too” condemning; instead I discovered a joyous, hope-filled practical guide. Don’t misunderstand. It’s not a feel-good book. It’s a throw-down. A righteously angry call to the church to change its’ behavior. But, from the very first word it’s clear that DeMuth has written this book with the end goal of a whole, healed church in mind.
“We Too” can be divided into four parts – 1) Introducing the problem (that those who suffer from trauma are being rejected from churches); 2) Why it’s difficult to meet that problem (the areas that trauma sufferers can’t get past and the areas in which churches only think they’re helping); 3) Practical how-to’s; 4) A beautiful vision of a church that cares for the wounded.
Instead of patting pastors on the head and saying, “Now do better.” this book lays out direct guidelines for what to do – especially in the case of sexual abuse. Specific steps are listed in order to validate the victim and protect the church from further harm. It’s not about protecting the church’s reputation. In fact, if a church truly desires to protect their reputation they will protect the victimized. There is great freedom and enormous safety in attending a church that will stand up and fight for your safety.
The bottom line? I firmly believe every single pastor needs to read this. Every single minister, Sunday School teacher, follower of Christ. Every person that desires to learn how to love the broken. Every library should have a copy of this. Every bookstore should promote this.
July 24, 2019
This may be the most important book I've read in a few years.
I can't imagine what could possibly come across my desk and have a bigger impact or be more important.
Here is one of the many quotes I pulled: “...to be obedient to God means doing the godly work of loving others, protecting the vulnerable, and humbling ourselves.”
This is the essence of this book. We are called to be obedient and loving.
Sexual abuse (really, abuse of all kinds) has permeated our culture, and our churches are not immune. In fact, our churches are more circumspect in hiding and pushing aside survivors than any other institution in the land.
We must do better.
We must learn how to properly handle these situations BEFORE they happen, and learn how to PREVENT them from happening in the first place.
I can't find the words to give this book the purchase recommendation it deserves. Buy it. And after you've finished the introduction, go back and buy a dozen for your church staff and your friends.
Yes, I'm on the launch team. Yes, I'm a fan of Mary's writing.
Regardless, I would be saying all the same words and shouting the same praises if I had never known about this author and had simply stumbled across this book.
I've pre-ordered a dozen copies to share with a few friends and my fellow church staff members. Please do the same.
Begin or continue the conversation and learning. Search for ways to learn and train.
Most importantly, believe a survivor when they share their story. Stand by them. Do what is right. Be like Jesus.
I can't imagine what could possibly come across my desk and have a bigger impact or be more important.
Here is one of the many quotes I pulled: “...to be obedient to God means doing the godly work of loving others, protecting the vulnerable, and humbling ourselves.”
This is the essence of this book. We are called to be obedient and loving.
Sexual abuse (really, abuse of all kinds) has permeated our culture, and our churches are not immune. In fact, our churches are more circumspect in hiding and pushing aside survivors than any other institution in the land.
We must do better.
We must learn how to properly handle these situations BEFORE they happen, and learn how to PREVENT them from happening in the first place.
I can't find the words to give this book the purchase recommendation it deserves. Buy it. And after you've finished the introduction, go back and buy a dozen for your church staff and your friends.
Yes, I'm on the launch team. Yes, I'm a fan of Mary's writing.
Regardless, I would be saying all the same words and shouting the same praises if I had never known about this author and had simply stumbled across this book.
I've pre-ordered a dozen copies to share with a few friends and my fellow church staff members. Please do the same.
Begin or continue the conversation and learning. Search for ways to learn and train.
Most importantly, believe a survivor when they share their story. Stand by them. Do what is right. Be like Jesus.
August 7, 2019
Over a decade before the #metoo movement, a friend helped me solve the mystery behind why memories of someone I went to for help triggered feelings of shame. She told me that I was the third woman to tell her stories about this man. I hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of; I’d experienced abuse.
I am one of those fortunate women whose pastor believed my story and admitted to ignoring red flags. When I started falling apart emotionally, friends supported me even though most didn’t know the reason. But the pressure to limit who I told (this person was banned from working at our church before I talked to the pastor, but only a few knew the truth behind “Why he isn’t here anymore”) perpetuated my fears and self-doubt. It wasn’t until years later, after trying to “forgive as Jesus commands us to,” “put that in the past,” ask God’s forgiveness for “my part” (being needy, continuing to go to him, whatever else I could think of…), wondering if I’d made a big deal out of nothing, and feeling guilty whenever the story slipped out (I’d promised to limit who I told), that I dealt with the full magnitude of what had happened. The abuse of power, control, and manipulations; the spiritual abuse that messed with my view of God and authority figures in the church.
I wish those involved in this situation, and even friends who tried to support me later, had had a book like Mary DeMuth’s We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis.
We Too should be required reading for all pastors, Sunday school teachers, and ministry leaders. If you are someone who wants to know how to care for an abuse survivor in a Christ-like way, I urge you to read Mary’s book as well. It is raw, honest, and filled with Scripture that supports the truth that Jesus welcomed the wounded and marginalized. This is not a rant against how the Church is blowing it; it is a valuable resource for how to do better. It is a reminder that the Church should be a haven for those who’ve been violated, not a source of more hurt. That it is time to protect victims, not reputations and comfort levels, and definitely not abusers.
Sexual abuse is an uncomfortable topic. But it is real, and those who’ve experienced it, whether in the church or outside of it, need to be embraced with compassion. Mary's book has the power to equip countless churches, leaders, and caring friends to do just that.
I am one of those fortunate women whose pastor believed my story and admitted to ignoring red flags. When I started falling apart emotionally, friends supported me even though most didn’t know the reason. But the pressure to limit who I told (this person was banned from working at our church before I talked to the pastor, but only a few knew the truth behind “Why he isn’t here anymore”) perpetuated my fears and self-doubt. It wasn’t until years later, after trying to “forgive as Jesus commands us to,” “put that in the past,” ask God’s forgiveness for “my part” (being needy, continuing to go to him, whatever else I could think of…), wondering if I’d made a big deal out of nothing, and feeling guilty whenever the story slipped out (I’d promised to limit who I told), that I dealt with the full magnitude of what had happened. The abuse of power, control, and manipulations; the spiritual abuse that messed with my view of God and authority figures in the church.
I wish those involved in this situation, and even friends who tried to support me later, had had a book like Mary DeMuth’s We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis.
We Too should be required reading for all pastors, Sunday school teachers, and ministry leaders. If you are someone who wants to know how to care for an abuse survivor in a Christ-like way, I urge you to read Mary’s book as well. It is raw, honest, and filled with Scripture that supports the truth that Jesus welcomed the wounded and marginalized. This is not a rant against how the Church is blowing it; it is a valuable resource for how to do better. It is a reminder that the Church should be a haven for those who’ve been violated, not a source of more hurt. That it is time to protect victims, not reputations and comfort levels, and definitely not abusers.
Sexual abuse is an uncomfortable topic. But it is real, and those who’ve experienced it, whether in the church or outside of it, need to be embraced with compassion. Mary's book has the power to equip countless churches, leaders, and caring friends to do just that.
August 13, 2019
"We Too" by Mary DeMuth is a difficult, but necessary read for those seeking to address the very real problem of sexual abuse, both outside and inside the church. A survivor herself, DeMuth opens up the difficult parts of her story, deconstructing her experience: who helped her, who did not, and how speaking out can help change the abuse narratives that are firmly in place in society. She offers other survivors' stories, both of how churches helped and how churches hurt. What are we to do to change how survivors AND abusers are treated within the church's walls?
While there are no easy answers, DeMuth gives concrete examples as to how abuse should be handled in the church. There are awful stories of survivors being excluded and hurt further by the extending of "cheap grace" (a term coined by Bonhoeffer) to the perpetrators of said abuse, but also encouraging stories of other churches who stood up and exposed abuse, refusing to let it linger.
I wish I had enough words to explain what a gift this book is to those in church leadership...no place is safe from abuse, sadly, so we should be ready to confront it when we see it. If we have no tolerance for sexual abuse, it strengthens the resolve to eliminate it from our midst, even at a high cost. DeMuth does a wonderful job of taking to task all the imaginable issues in place...the book is very specific and detailed in its complexity. This not a fluffy read, so pray and prepare prior to reading. It will get emotional, if you're anything like me. Don't rush with this one.
There were issues brought up that I may have never experienced personally, but others I could relate to. DeMuth continues to approach subjects that many are afraid to, and this book continues to remind me why I appreciate her involvement in supporting abuse survivors and speaking so openly about how trauma and abuse has affected her life.
I cannot recommend this book more. It is a much needed, honest, unflinching look at where we are as a society in regards to the way we process/help/prevent sexual abuse. The church must do better, and we must do more. Anyone in leadership or those that work with survivors could benefit from this book. Even if you are not in church, the connection between how church should deal with sexual abuse is very applicable to those who are seeking spiritual support after abuse. Please, do not miss out on this book. This would pair well with her previous work, "Not Marked:Finding Hope and Healing After Being Sexually Abused."
I was able to read a PDF version of the book early, thanks to Harvest House, and chose to leave a review. I also pre-oredered a hard copy for myself. Don't miss this one. It's that important, folks.
While there are no easy answers, DeMuth gives concrete examples as to how abuse should be handled in the church. There are awful stories of survivors being excluded and hurt further by the extending of "cheap grace" (a term coined by Bonhoeffer) to the perpetrators of said abuse, but also encouraging stories of other churches who stood up and exposed abuse, refusing to let it linger.
I wish I had enough words to explain what a gift this book is to those in church leadership...no place is safe from abuse, sadly, so we should be ready to confront it when we see it. If we have no tolerance for sexual abuse, it strengthens the resolve to eliminate it from our midst, even at a high cost. DeMuth does a wonderful job of taking to task all the imaginable issues in place...the book is very specific and detailed in its complexity. This not a fluffy read, so pray and prepare prior to reading. It will get emotional, if you're anything like me. Don't rush with this one.
There were issues brought up that I may have never experienced personally, but others I could relate to. DeMuth continues to approach subjects that many are afraid to, and this book continues to remind me why I appreciate her involvement in supporting abuse survivors and speaking so openly about how trauma and abuse has affected her life.
I cannot recommend this book more. It is a much needed, honest, unflinching look at where we are as a society in regards to the way we process/help/prevent sexual abuse. The church must do better, and we must do more. Anyone in leadership or those that work with survivors could benefit from this book. Even if you are not in church, the connection between how church should deal with sexual abuse is very applicable to those who are seeking spiritual support after abuse. Please, do not miss out on this book. This would pair well with her previous work, "Not Marked:Finding Hope and Healing After Being Sexually Abused."
I was able to read a PDF version of the book early, thanks to Harvest House, and chose to leave a review. I also pre-oredered a hard copy for myself. Don't miss this one. It's that important, folks.
July 2, 2019
This book is a must read for anyone working through personal trauma, serving in full-time ministry - or simply those wanting to learn how to love more like Jesus. With precious transparency, Mary Demuth pulls from her own story to help us understand what it is like to live with the scars of sexual abuse. While this has been a hot-button topic in our nation, the Church has stayed relatively silent on the issue – to the detriment of many hurting people. This book serves as a wake-up call, appealing to those in leadership to make the Church a safe haven for the vulnerable, rather than an asylum for the abusers.
Mary utilizes the stories of Scripture and the witness of Church history, to educate her readers on God’s heart towards this issue and when and how the Church strayed from this stance. While grace and forgiveness are still commended in this book, Mary is adamant about calling crime what it is and not “God shaming” victims to sweep their trauma under a rug.
Personally, I was not prepared for how powerfully this book would resonate with me. While I am not a sexual abuse survivor, I am someone who has walked through deep relational trauma. I may not be able to say “me too” after stories of physical violation, but I could certainly say “me too” as Mary described how abuse impacts the heart and soul of those left in its wake.
I firmly believe this book should be in every pastor’s study, or even offered as a resource to anyone serving in ministry.
Mary utilizes the stories of Scripture and the witness of Church history, to educate her readers on God’s heart towards this issue and when and how the Church strayed from this stance. While grace and forgiveness are still commended in this book, Mary is adamant about calling crime what it is and not “God shaming” victims to sweep their trauma under a rug.
Personally, I was not prepared for how powerfully this book would resonate with me. While I am not a sexual abuse survivor, I am someone who has walked through deep relational trauma. I may not be able to say “me too” after stories of physical violation, but I could certainly say “me too” as Mary described how abuse impacts the heart and soul of those left in its wake.
I firmly believe this book should be in every pastor’s study, or even offered as a resource to anyone serving in ministry.
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June 14, 2021Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for supplying me with an advanced copy.
This book blew me away. The author's transparency of her own experiences really hit home. I think any woman can relate to the subtle acts of aggression described in this book, and it's time they were addressed. The author gives biblical examples and practical solutions to the sexual abuse crisis currently unfolding both in and out of the church. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
This book blew me away. The author's transparency of her own experiences really hit home. I think any woman can relate to the subtle acts of aggression described in this book, and it's time they were addressed. The author gives biblical examples and practical solutions to the sexual abuse crisis currently unfolding both in and out of the church. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
August 12, 2019
Mary DeMuth’s WE TOO: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis is a must-read book ~ and I almost never say that about any book outside the Bible.
You may want to skip it because the topic is uncomfortable. Or forever in headlines. Or, like so many of us: We thought it was only others who are impacted. -- The trafficked migrant women, young people from the wrong side of the tracks, broken families…
But I suggest … no plead with you, read it to be prepared, because sexual abuse is like an iceberg. Most of the victims and most of their painful consequences are hidden. Hidden below the surface of the image of okay-ness. NIMBY. But it has likely touched your neighborhood, your church, your circle of friends. Maybe even your family. If one in four women in the United States reports to being sexually assaulted, the odds are that what I’ve said is true ~ despite your wish that sexual abuse doesn’t touch you.
This book is filled with startling truths, hard observations of missed opportunities, and a clarion call to the church to be God’s salt and light in this world.
Maybe you won’t start a ministry or begin publicly educating others. (And maybe you will!)
But you can read this book to be prepared to talk with the one young person in your family who needs help. To be ready to listen to your one friend or neighbor who needs to talk.
Each 1 you help will be prepared to help another. And, as Mary says, “A trickle becomes a stream … and soon it is a powerful river…” [page 195]
You’ll find in We Too many sad, difficult truths:
--Their [abusers] ability to appear normal or even amazing is their effective cover. [pg 103]
--Shame flourishes in silence. [pg 35]
Practical, common-sense wisdom:
--Sexual abuse is traumatic. If you haven’t walked through it yourself, don’t assume you know how soul crushing it is. [pg 166]
--Protect survivors, not reputations. [pg 169]
Powerful new insights and opportunities:
--There is a difference between sin and crime, and they require different responses.
--The aftermath of sexual abuse is a heavy mantle of grief. [pg 45]
And accounts of aching, missed opportunities to help a victim or stop a serial predator:
--We must err on the side of protecting a victim, knowing that stopping one predatory person could also prevent dozens of other victimizations. [pg 163]
--We forget that charm woos children. [p 168]
Besides being packed with information and insights, WE TOO is filled with God’s love and grace.
You’ll also find what the Bible guides regarding response to perpetrators, lists of good safety procedures for a proactive church, ideas for a new path for responding to sexual survivors, and much other helpful information and compelling stories.
What you won’t find is nagging; hate and bitterness; vile, ugly detailed descriptions. Reading this book may hurt your heart, but it won’t upset with ugly images. And if it isn’t triggering abuse memories, please stick with it so you can be part of the very-needed solution. Read it for that one.
[I received an early read copy for review purposes, but was not required to write a positive review.]
You may want to skip it because the topic is uncomfortable. Or forever in headlines. Or, like so many of us: We thought it was only others who are impacted. -- The trafficked migrant women, young people from the wrong side of the tracks, broken families…
But I suggest … no plead with you, read it to be prepared, because sexual abuse is like an iceberg. Most of the victims and most of their painful consequences are hidden. Hidden below the surface of the image of okay-ness. NIMBY. But it has likely touched your neighborhood, your church, your circle of friends. Maybe even your family. If one in four women in the United States reports to being sexually assaulted, the odds are that what I’ve said is true ~ despite your wish that sexual abuse doesn’t touch you.
This book is filled with startling truths, hard observations of missed opportunities, and a clarion call to the church to be God’s salt and light in this world.
Maybe you won’t start a ministry or begin publicly educating others. (And maybe you will!)
But you can read this book to be prepared to talk with the one young person in your family who needs help. To be ready to listen to your one friend or neighbor who needs to talk.
Each 1 you help will be prepared to help another. And, as Mary says, “A trickle becomes a stream … and soon it is a powerful river…” [page 195]
You’ll find in We Too many sad, difficult truths:
--Their [abusers] ability to appear normal or even amazing is their effective cover. [pg 103]
--Shame flourishes in silence. [pg 35]
Practical, common-sense wisdom:
--Sexual abuse is traumatic. If you haven’t walked through it yourself, don’t assume you know how soul crushing it is. [pg 166]
--Protect survivors, not reputations. [pg 169]
Powerful new insights and opportunities:
--There is a difference between sin and crime, and they require different responses.
--The aftermath of sexual abuse is a heavy mantle of grief. [pg 45]
And accounts of aching, missed opportunities to help a victim or stop a serial predator:
--We must err on the side of protecting a victim, knowing that stopping one predatory person could also prevent dozens of other victimizations. [pg 163]
--We forget that charm woos children. [p 168]
Besides being packed with information and insights, WE TOO is filled with God’s love and grace.
You’ll also find what the Bible guides regarding response to perpetrators, lists of good safety procedures for a proactive church, ideas for a new path for responding to sexual survivors, and much other helpful information and compelling stories.
What you won’t find is nagging; hate and bitterness; vile, ugly detailed descriptions. Reading this book may hurt your heart, but it won’t upset with ugly images. And if it isn’t triggering abuse memories, please stick with it so you can be part of the very-needed solution. Read it for that one.
[I received an early read copy for review purposes, but was not required to write a positive review.]
August 12, 2019
Mary cuts through the hard conversation and lays it all out there. This book was needed. And now that it's available - every church needs it! For all the church and staff that believe it couldn't and wouldn't and hasn't happened to anyone in their church - need to read it twice. I appreciate Mary's words and wisdom from start to finish. She doesn't sugar coat the truth but instead gives it straight forward and her own transparency about her experienced help to give the reader that extra nudge to continue reading; it isn't not always an easy read. But we must change things. And we can start doing that by reading these words. I received an advanced electronic copy from Harvest House and these are my words.
July 25, 2019
We Too is an especially valuable book because Mary de Muth writes as someone who loves the church and, rather than wanting to tear it apart because of its failures, hopes that it will rise to become the people of grace, truth, and justice that she is called to be. Mary tells many harrowing stories of sexual abuse within the church but anticipates a hope-filled future where the church will become a haven for the broken and a place of healing. This is a powerful book I strongly recommend.
August 13, 2019
A must read for every Christian pastor, counselor and lay leader.
We Too, is field guide to equip the faith community to respond to issues surrounding sexual violence and abuse in a redemptive manor. Mary DeMuth imparts insight and challenges the Church community to respond with empathy, compassion, and patience to victims of sexual violence and abuse.
She calls the Body of Christ to view the heinous acts of sexual abusers, batters and human traffickers as both an egregious sin and criminal act. To take on a biblical role of justice and no longer sweep these crimes under the carpet and ensure abusive people are held accountable for their actions.
We Too gives practical applications to help victims step on the long road to recovery and healing from the violent acts they have experienced that have robbed their souls of dignity and respect. It encourages those willing to walk beside them to allow them to grieve share their stories and point them towards redemption.
We Too, is field guide to equip the faith community to respond to issues surrounding sexual violence and abuse in a redemptive manor. Mary DeMuth imparts insight and challenges the Church community to respond with empathy, compassion, and patience to victims of sexual violence and abuse.
She calls the Body of Christ to view the heinous acts of sexual abusers, batters and human traffickers as both an egregious sin and criminal act. To take on a biblical role of justice and no longer sweep these crimes under the carpet and ensure abusive people are held accountable for their actions.
We Too gives practical applications to help victims step on the long road to recovery and healing from the violent acts they have experienced that have robbed their souls of dignity and respect. It encourages those willing to walk beside them to allow them to grieve share their stories and point them towards redemption.
August 13, 2019
Mary has given the Church a call! Wake up sleeper, Arise your time is here. Jesus was the Revolutionary responder to whom ever was in distress. Unfortunately the church has decided to do as the ostrich does - stick it’s head in the sand.
It’s time to open up and release all secrets and actually learn, be the truth because truth will set you free. The church needs necessary education when it comes to assault. Then they need to follow it up with truth and living out life with the hurting and the scared. The church needs to be the place we run to not run from !!
It’s time to open up and release all secrets and actually learn, be the truth because truth will set you free. The church needs necessary education when it comes to assault. Then they need to follow it up with truth and living out life with the hurting and the scared. The church needs to be the place we run to not run from !!
August 14, 2019
This book is both hard to read and hard to put down. It is simultaneously a caution and an exhortation; the exploration of a problem and hope for healing.
Sexual abuse and support for victims are topics that Christians have largely not wished to deal with. Now in the past decade, the church is at a public crisis point where there is no longer a choice -- deal, we must. God bless Mary for using her experience, healing, and research to give us what may become the definitive manual on identifying the problem, supporting survivors, and facilitating justice the way Jesus desires.
I am still reading through parts of the book and pondering, and may amend this review in the future.
Sexual abuse and support for victims are topics that Christians have largely not wished to deal with. Now in the past decade, the church is at a public crisis point where there is no longer a choice -- deal, we must. God bless Mary for using her experience, healing, and research to give us what may become the definitive manual on identifying the problem, supporting survivors, and facilitating justice the way Jesus desires.
I am still reading through parts of the book and pondering, and may amend this review in the future.
July 23, 2019
This is a must read for Christians. The church has failed sexual abuse victims for too long and I hope that a book such as this leads many (if not ALL) churches to take action immediately. Buy this book and read it!
July 24, 2019
This is an extremely important book which I would highly recommend for anyone involved in Christian leadership/ ministry.
It is a difficult topic, and one we often back away from, but sexual abuse is something that affects a huge number of people, and too often the church has not been a place where they can find comfort and healing.
This book explores how Jesus responded to the hurting and broken as well as some of the (often unhelpful) ways the church has responded, and it casts a vision for a church that is truly a safe place where people can find healing. It is full of biblical insights, real-life stories and practical advice.
Mary Demuth writes as one who loves the church and longs for it to fulfil its potential in ministering to those who are broken.
It is a difficult topic, and one we often back away from, but sexual abuse is something that affects a huge number of people, and too often the church has not been a place where they can find comfort and healing.
This book explores how Jesus responded to the hurting and broken as well as some of the (often unhelpful) ways the church has responded, and it casts a vision for a church that is truly a safe place where people can find healing. It is full of biblical insights, real-life stories and practical advice.
Mary Demuth writes as one who loves the church and longs for it to fulfil its potential in ministering to those who are broken.
August 9, 2019
“We Too” is not an easy book to read but, unfortunately, a necessary one. There are triggers aplenty. The book deals with the very difficult topic of sexual abuse within church structures. Firstly, it deals with how this issue is often poorly dealt with by church hierarchies. Secondly it looks at how to genuinely respond to hurt people. Finally it provides a vision for what the church should be.
Christians may expect abuse to occur in the wider world, but often we find it difficult to recognise it occurring under our noses. Poor theology fuels the difficulties.
Mary DeMuth is no academic theoriser. She has birthed this out of her own journey towards wholeness, originating from childhood sexual abuse by neighbourhood teenage boys. The book is autobiographical, but its aim is redemptive. Mary’s desire is that greater healing and restoration may come into the Body of Christ.
Mary outlines some Biblical examples of sexual abuse. These were always poorly dealt with. She contrasts with Jesus, who dealt graciously and compassionately with abused women.
She describes some of the toxic factors fuelling the poor church response and then how we can generate responses that promote healing.
This book is a prophetic call to the Church to take up her mantle as God’s redemptive agent in the world. This was the mission Jesus proclaimed at Nazareth (Luke 4). And we are to do likewise, as redemptive agents also.
In my view, sexual abuse in churches, and indeed, all forms of abuse, are fruits not roots. Underneath, I believe, there are many toxic roots. Some of these roots are: a desire to control; a wrong theology of submission to leadership; misunderstanding what forgiveness, repentance and grace really involve; misunderstanding that the Christian life is a transformation journey, not just a decision for Jesus; and a prevailing cultural individualism that can blind us to God’s intended connectedness with one another.
Whilst the topic is difficult, I believe God will use this book and others like it, to bring His understanding back to the Body of Christ, of who we are truly meant to be. There is a prophetic tearing of old wineskins, the old understanding of what Church is. There is a prophetic filling of new wineskins, of what Church truly should be. What the enemy has meant for evil will be turned around for good.
Christians may expect abuse to occur in the wider world, but often we find it difficult to recognise it occurring under our noses. Poor theology fuels the difficulties.
Mary DeMuth is no academic theoriser. She has birthed this out of her own journey towards wholeness, originating from childhood sexual abuse by neighbourhood teenage boys. The book is autobiographical, but its aim is redemptive. Mary’s desire is that greater healing and restoration may come into the Body of Christ.
Mary outlines some Biblical examples of sexual abuse. These were always poorly dealt with. She contrasts with Jesus, who dealt graciously and compassionately with abused women.
She describes some of the toxic factors fuelling the poor church response and then how we can generate responses that promote healing.
This book is a prophetic call to the Church to take up her mantle as God’s redemptive agent in the world. This was the mission Jesus proclaimed at Nazareth (Luke 4). And we are to do likewise, as redemptive agents also.
In my view, sexual abuse in churches, and indeed, all forms of abuse, are fruits not roots. Underneath, I believe, there are many toxic roots. Some of these roots are: a desire to control; a wrong theology of submission to leadership; misunderstanding what forgiveness, repentance and grace really involve; misunderstanding that the Christian life is a transformation journey, not just a decision for Jesus; and a prevailing cultural individualism that can blind us to God’s intended connectedness with one another.
Whilst the topic is difficult, I believe God will use this book and others like it, to bring His understanding back to the Body of Christ, of who we are truly meant to be. There is a prophetic tearing of old wineskins, the old understanding of what Church is. There is a prophetic filling of new wineskins, of what Church truly should be. What the enemy has meant for evil will be turned around for good.
February 1, 2024
This has been one of the most important books I've read to date. Many "view points" of churches that the author writes about, I grew up hearing and disagreeing with some of those viewpoints, but "what is the alternative?"
Answer:" To be obedient to God means doing the Godly work of loving others, protecting the vulnerable, and humbling ourselves."
" The church will grow when it brims with truth, not when it covers up misdeeds. Perhaps not in numbers, which can be deceptive but by depth of spiritual growth."🙌
The author not only debunks the many myths that many churches believe on the issue of sexual abuse and replaces it with solid biblical truth, she also included a beautiful guide on how to care for a victim's story in chapter 11.
Answer:" To be obedient to God means doing the Godly work of loving others, protecting the vulnerable, and humbling ourselves."
" The church will grow when it brims with truth, not when it covers up misdeeds. Perhaps not in numbers, which can be deceptive but by depth of spiritual growth."🙌
The author not only debunks the many myths that many churches believe on the issue of sexual abuse and replaces it with solid biblical truth, she also included a beautiful guide on how to care for a victim's story in chapter 11.
July 22, 2019
WE TOO is a must read for all churches! In a world were sexual predation is in forefront of the news almost daily, there needs to be a voice speaking on behalf of the victims instead of the predator, and Mary DeMuth is that voice! Watch as Mary DeMuth opens her new book and shares her heart about what she hopes the book will do for both the survivor of sexual abuse and the church who should be there to help the survivor heal. WE TOO is an absorbing book that will captivate you from the first pages.
"I can think of no other crime, other than murder, that leaves a human more damaged and broken than sexual abuse." Page 110
It is not gossip to expose predators. It's telling the truth for the sake of preventing future victims. When they began harming others, they relinquished their right to privacy. Page 111
"I can think of no other crime, other than murder, that leaves a human more damaged and broken than sexual abuse." Page 110
It is not gossip to expose predators. It's telling the truth for the sake of preventing future victims. When they began harming others, they relinquished their right to privacy. Page 111
July 23, 2019
Mary DeMuth is the champion for the abused. She has never glossed over the horrors of abuse. Instead, she carefully researches and fights for justice, using her experiences to write healing for the soul. She speaks with love and encouragement. #Silence Is Not Spiritual" is a quote that stuck with me. I highly recommend this for every church and church member. I have been given a free copy to review this book.
August 13, 2019
For the abused, you will find a champion. For the abuser, you will find stark reality into rebuilding. For those fortunate enough to not have experienced abuse or know an abuser, pick up the book and learn about what has been silenced and how it can keep happening. Educate yourself. For the church, and those who have dedicated themselves to the Word, make it your manifesto. Finally, I write especially for the faint of heart and the sensitive soul, read slowly but finish the book. As you shed many tears, it will be a blessing to you.
July 22, 2019
This book is a great book on sexual abuse and i am very glad that Mary had what it took to write a book of this nature. I was abused as a young child and again as an adult by my brother. Thank you hope to go to the book launch. I give this book 5 stars.
July 25, 2019
I received an ARC from the publisher. The opinions expressed in this review are my own.
“I can think of no other crime, other than murder, that leaves a human more damaged and broken than sexual abuse.” - Mary DeMuth (p.110)
Mary DeMuth has written a deeply intelligent and spiritually powerful book about sexual abuse, and trauma’s place in the ministries of religious institutions. I have been afflicted, and can testify that this is also an outstanding book for survivors and those who love them, especially those dealing with ongoing “trauma brain” or PTSD/CPTSD symptoms. This is an important book that offers direction to pastors, Christian counselors, and lay leaders. It is a book that is tailor-made for bible studies, book clubs, and Sunday Schools.
It is also important to know that that the author’s observations, perspectives, and reflections are profoundly informed by her Christian faith. WWJD is firmly embedded in the text. If you don’t like “God talk” then this might not be the book for you. The whole book is well worth reading, but I think my favorite part of the book is in the Chapter 1 retellings of the Bible’s stories of sexual violence. Read as a group, it’s stunning.
With that said, you must also know that this book comes with a trigger warning from me about stirring up old wounds. The material is complex, heartbreaking, grievous, hopeful, and ultimately joyful. Her insights into predators, gleaned from her personal experiences and extensive study of predator psychology, are startling, informative, and sometimes absolutely chilling.
Read this book!
“I can think of no other crime, other than murder, that leaves a human more damaged and broken than sexual abuse.” - Mary DeMuth (p.110)
Mary DeMuth has written a deeply intelligent and spiritually powerful book about sexual abuse, and trauma’s place in the ministries of religious institutions. I have been afflicted, and can testify that this is also an outstanding book for survivors and those who love them, especially those dealing with ongoing “trauma brain” or PTSD/CPTSD symptoms. This is an important book that offers direction to pastors, Christian counselors, and lay leaders. It is a book that is tailor-made for bible studies, book clubs, and Sunday Schools.
It is also important to know that that the author’s observations, perspectives, and reflections are profoundly informed by her Christian faith. WWJD is firmly embedded in the text. If you don’t like “God talk” then this might not be the book for you. The whole book is well worth reading, but I think my favorite part of the book is in the Chapter 1 retellings of the Bible’s stories of sexual violence. Read as a group, it’s stunning.
With that said, you must also know that this book comes with a trigger warning from me about stirring up old wounds. The material is complex, heartbreaking, grievous, hopeful, and ultimately joyful. Her insights into predators, gleaned from her personal experiences and extensive study of predator psychology, are startling, informative, and sometimes absolutely chilling.
Read this book!
August 13, 2019
We Too is a brave and bold, no holds barred, prophetic clarion call to the church, and society in general, urging them to take sexual abuse survivors seriously. It encourages us to listen, believe, support, and help them to heal. Following hot on the heels of the vociferous #MeToo movement, #WeToo takes it one step further.
It not only seeks to open people's eyes to the extent of the suffering, and provide a platform for the silenced and shamed to know they are not alone, it also reveals (by means of biblical example and studies) the hope and reassurance that God sees and hears them. He also offers his mercy, grace and restorative justice to perpetrator and victim alike.
Within these pages you will find pertinent and challenging questions being asked of the church and society in general. It doesn't cower from revealing the devastating, lifelong effects of suffering sexual trauma, assault and abuse either. But the overriding message is one of encouraging togetherness and fostering an ethos of supportive listening and caring. Because hope is available to survivors in the here and now, and beyond.
As one of those survivors myself, I am truly thankful that Mary DeMuth dares to expose her own harrowing, personal story and her deeply compassionate heart in writing this brazenly open and timely book. Many might prefer to hide such experiences away like a shameful secret which mustn't be shared. Sadly, that kind of approach only serves to intensify survivor stress, guilt and shame.
But in lifting the lid on the trauma, its long-lasting after-effects and the need for change, the author sheds a piercing light of truth on the darkness of sexual abuse, making it stand out starkly for the horror it truly is. Above all, she reveals what a great difference receiving the healing power of God, and supportive help from the church and other agencies can make.
Because being seen, heard and validated enables sexual abuse survivors to feel less isolated and alone. It is possible to feel less of a victim and more of a survivor, to recover a fractured self-esteem, and begin to walk the pathway of restoration and healing. I firmly believe this courageous book will go a long way towards encouraging people to seek the help they need to do just that.
It not only seeks to open people's eyes to the extent of the suffering, and provide a platform for the silenced and shamed to know they are not alone, it also reveals (by means of biblical example and studies) the hope and reassurance that God sees and hears them. He also offers his mercy, grace and restorative justice to perpetrator and victim alike.
Within these pages you will find pertinent and challenging questions being asked of the church and society in general. It doesn't cower from revealing the devastating, lifelong effects of suffering sexual trauma, assault and abuse either. But the overriding message is one of encouraging togetherness and fostering an ethos of supportive listening and caring. Because hope is available to survivors in the here and now, and beyond.
As one of those survivors myself, I am truly thankful that Mary DeMuth dares to expose her own harrowing, personal story and her deeply compassionate heart in writing this brazenly open and timely book. Many might prefer to hide such experiences away like a shameful secret which mustn't be shared. Sadly, that kind of approach only serves to intensify survivor stress, guilt and shame.
But in lifting the lid on the trauma, its long-lasting after-effects and the need for change, the author sheds a piercing light of truth on the darkness of sexual abuse, making it stand out starkly for the horror it truly is. Above all, she reveals what a great difference receiving the healing power of God, and supportive help from the church and other agencies can make.
Because being seen, heard and validated enables sexual abuse survivors to feel less isolated and alone. It is possible to feel less of a victim and more of a survivor, to recover a fractured self-esteem, and begin to walk the pathway of restoration and healing. I firmly believe this courageous book will go a long way towards encouraging people to seek the help they need to do just that.
July 2, 2019
This book speaks volumes to those who have been sexually assaulted as well as to the church. It addresses the issue of porn and the impact that has on sexual assault.
We can’t ignore the abuse. We must meet the victims where they are, acknowledging the issues and feel God’s Grace.
Thankful for a Biblical perspective.
We can’t ignore the abuse. We must meet the victims where they are, acknowledging the issues and feel God’s Grace.
Thankful for a Biblical perspective.
July 4, 2019
What courage and book to bring change in this world. Well researched. Highly suggest.
August 13, 2019
DeMuth tackles a difficult, sensitive topic from the perspective of one who has walked through the trauma of sexual abuse. She walks the reader through the emotional agony a survivor experiences and challenges the church to react towards victims the way that Jesus would rather than protecting predators, especially when those perpetrators are among church leadership. The book provides many practical steps and includes a manifesto at the end. Many thanks to DeMuth for her vulnerability and openness regarding sexual abuse. I received an advance copy of the book from the publisher.
August 14, 2019
I received this book free to review. We Too by Mary E. DeMuth discusses the sexual abuse crisis facing not only America, but the world and how the church, and we as Christians should be responding. Definitely needs a trigger warning. (She does talk a little about her own abuse, and has written a memoir about it.) We should be asking what can we do to help the 'survivors' (if you can call them that. How do you survive sexual abuse?) rather than meeting them with disbelief and protecting the abusers. This books includes many passages from the Bible that show God stating and showing that we should be helping victims of abuse, rather than question, shun, shame and make them feel they need to hide what happens. There is a long history of sexual abuse and cover ups.
While most of this was not new information for me, I feel that this would be a good read for churches, especially those that are not sure what direction to go or what action to take. It is a great way to start the discussion.
While most of this was not new information for me, I feel that this would be a good read for churches, especially those that are not sure what direction to go or what action to take. It is a great way to start the discussion.
July 10, 2019
If you think this is going to be just another feel-good book, you are in for a shock. Mary DeMuth takes an honest an open look at not only the destructive effect on the victim of sexual abuse, but also the added pain caused by the lack of concern from fellow believers. Consider a church member mentioning that she has cancer, lost her job, suffering financial problems, or simply stubbed her big toe. The church would gather around her to pray and to encourage her. Countless cards and meals would be sent to the injured party. But, let someone mention that she is broken and hurt from sexual abuse from years ago and the same people will turn their heads. If any dare speak, it is only to tell the victim that she must be mistaken and she should just pray more and get over it.
Mary encourages each church to have a plan in place to prevent any abuse before it happens. She stresses the need to aggressively address the problem should it occur and to step up and do the right thing. What an amazing ministry opportunity we miss when we choose to ignore these wounded people.
I recommend this book to every pastor, youth leader, deacon, or anyone who holds a position of leadership of a church or group. Ignoring the problem is no longer acceptable.
Mary encourages each church to have a plan in place to prevent any abuse before it happens. She stresses the need to aggressively address the problem should it occur and to step up and do the right thing. What an amazing ministry opportunity we miss when we choose to ignore these wounded people.
I recommend this book to every pastor, youth leader, deacon, or anyone who holds a position of leadership of a church or group. Ignoring the problem is no longer acceptable.
August 20, 2019
I admire the stamina of Mary, and her collective research on an international problem in the church- sexual abuse. I further thank God for Mary's strong witness of Faith, God, and her support for the church she wholeheartedly loves through and by her wisdom shared from childhood experiences of such abuse! She brings to the forefront an answer to a worldwide crisis that has never been championef in quite the way she approaches it, in my opinion.
Your church, civic group, organization, community, state, nation, and HOME needs several copies of this resource as a tool to address the needs of sexual abuse in our world. today!
Please invest in healing for everyone in your life by picking up your copy of We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis today! Connect with Mary and follow her journey at #wetoo @marydemuth www. WETOO.org.
You will be very blessed!
Dolores Elaine Goad
Your church, civic group, organization, community, state, nation, and HOME needs several copies of this resource as a tool to address the needs of sexual abuse in our world. today!
Please invest in healing for everyone in your life by picking up your copy of We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis today! Connect with Mary and follow her journey at #wetoo @marydemuth www. WETOO.org.
You will be very blessed!
Dolores Elaine Goad
May 23, 2019
This book is extremely timely and relevant for where our culture finds itself. The author’s transparency and willingness to share her own personal story adds great depth to the book as a whole and each page is filled with wisdom on how the church should interact with sexual abuse victims, create opportunities to love them and be present, not silent in conversations surrounding this very important topic. I would certainly recommend this book to anyone in church leadership and any follower of Jesus as I believe this subject is so important to know how to navigate through.
August 13, 2019
True confession. I began reading “We Too” by Mary DeMuth with some fear knowing the subject matter may be triggering because of my own history of abuse. Too often the topic of sexual abuse is swept under the rug, hidden in a dark corner where we dare not go. For the survivor, talking about it is risky. Trust is hard. Putting words to the horror is almost impossible. Many are afraid that once it is spoken aloud, all hell will break loose. The genie is out of the bottle and cannot be crammed back in. It’s the proverbial Pandora’s Box. When sexual abuse is disclosed, churches and leaders (all of us, really) have choices. Do we choose to come alongside the survivor, to comfort, to sit in the hard places and listen? Or do we try to deflect, cover up, or flat out deny those awful things happened? Mary DeMuth’s book “We Too” poses those questions.
The church at large has a terrible history of covering up and dismissing abuse, whether it occurs within the church body (i.e., pastors or leaders as predators) or outside of it. Instead of exposing the sin and the crime, churches find creative ways to protect their reputations: Surely that wouldn’t happen in MY church. MY pastor wouldn’t do that. Clergy are either quietly dismissed without exposure, shuffled off to another unsuspecting flock, or keep their position and deny the abuse happened. In “We Too”, DeMuth gently but firmly warns the church about being both complicit and complacent. “We minimize sin when we fail to protect the most vulnerable from it.” (pg. 144)
Healing is a journey, one that is fraught with stops and starts. It comes in many forms. Perhaps it is reporting the abuse to the authorities. Maybe it is exposing the perpetrator. Often it is a torrent of tears and a trusted other to come alongside and simply say, “I’m so sorry that happened.” Justice for those who prey upon the innocent may also bring some sort of healing. What trauma does to one’s mind, body and soul lasts a lifetime. The church has a unique opportunity to be a conduit of Jesus, to be His hands and feet and heart.
“We Too” is a call to action. The Christian church cannot be passive in this war against pure evil. Mary DeMuth’s vulnerability surrounding her own story of abuse, her love for survivors and her passion to see the church repent and press in towards godly healing are evident on each and every page. This is a must-read for pastors, leaders, and anyone who may be privileged enough to hear another’s story. “This is our We Too moment, to purposefully suffer alongside the sexually broken.” (pg. 191) This is a book you will not easily forget.
The church at large has a terrible history of covering up and dismissing abuse, whether it occurs within the church body (i.e., pastors or leaders as predators) or outside of it. Instead of exposing the sin and the crime, churches find creative ways to protect their reputations: Surely that wouldn’t happen in MY church. MY pastor wouldn’t do that. Clergy are either quietly dismissed without exposure, shuffled off to another unsuspecting flock, or keep their position and deny the abuse happened. In “We Too”, DeMuth gently but firmly warns the church about being both complicit and complacent. “We minimize sin when we fail to protect the most vulnerable from it.” (pg. 144)
Healing is a journey, one that is fraught with stops and starts. It comes in many forms. Perhaps it is reporting the abuse to the authorities. Maybe it is exposing the perpetrator. Often it is a torrent of tears and a trusted other to come alongside and simply say, “I’m so sorry that happened.” Justice for those who prey upon the innocent may also bring some sort of healing. What trauma does to one’s mind, body and soul lasts a lifetime. The church has a unique opportunity to be a conduit of Jesus, to be His hands and feet and heart.
“We Too” is a call to action. The Christian church cannot be passive in this war against pure evil. Mary DeMuth’s vulnerability surrounding her own story of abuse, her love for survivors and her passion to see the church repent and press in towards godly healing are evident on each and every page. This is a must-read for pastors, leaders, and anyone who may be privileged enough to hear another’s story. “This is our We Too moment, to purposefully suffer alongside the sexually broken.” (pg. 191) This is a book you will not easily forget.
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