The Wilderness Journal: 365 Days with the Philokalia

by Angela Doll Carlson

The Philokalia - a collection of the best writings from Orthodox spiritual masters across many centuries - is a treasure trove of direction for the spiritual life. But it can be overwhelming at first glance. Popular author and podcaster Angela Doll Carlson set herself the mission of reading through The Philokalia in a year and journaling about the thoughts it called up in her. The result is a thoughtful, inspiring daily devotional that introduces new readers to this great spiritual classic and helps us apply the wisdom of the ages to a layperson's life in the modern world.

Genres: Spirituality

400 pages, Paperback

Published November 13, 2018

About the author

Angela Doll Carlson is an author whose work has appeared in, or is forthcoming from Thin Air Magazine, Eastern Iowa Review, Apeiron Review, Image Journal’s Good Letters, St Katherine Review, Rock & Sling Journal, Ruminate Magazine, Elephant Journal and Art House America. You can also find her writing online at Mrsmetaphor.com, NearlyOrthodox.com and DoxaSoma.com. Her podcast, "The Wilderness Journal" is available on Ancient Faith Radio and iTunes.

Her memoir "Nearly Orthodox: On being a modern woman in an ancient tradition" was published in 2014. Her latest book is "Garden in the East: The Spiritual Life of the Body."

Angela and her husband, David currently raise their four children in the wilds of Chicago with some measurable success.

Reviews

[Erin Azar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading The Wilderness Journal, an exploration of the Philokalia along with personal reflections from the author, Angela Doll Carlson, is like doing a study of the Philokalia with a friend. And for me, the friend is a helpful one to study the Philokalia with, since she, like me, is an Orthodox mom who is navigating faith and child-rearing and relationships and day-to-day life. The book comprises a reading and reflection for each day of the year; Carlson offers thoughts related to her own life and her own spiritual growth as she makes her way through Philokalia readings.

Each day presents only a small reading from the Philokalia (one or two lines), but I found that this was a great way to ease into this dense, rich collection of wisdom from the ascetics. Just as we as Orthodox Christians ease into our spiritual practices such as fasting and prayer, it makes sense to delve into something like the Philokalia in a gentler, slower fashion. Jumping in with too much ambition can lead to failure.

Because of The Wilderness Journal, I’ve gone from thinking “yes, someday I will hopefully read the Philokalia when I suddenly find myself with a large amount of free time,” to recognizing that I can do something like what Carlson has done, and read small portions over a long period of time, spending time ruminating on small passages.

I would like to emphasize that I see this book as a good jumping-off point. As Carlson herself points out, the advice she was given when beginning to read the Philokalia was to have a guide-- a priest, a scholar, or someone else with the wisdom to approach these readings in a spiritually healthy way. I did enjoy the introductions for each Philokalia author which were given by various Orthodox writers and thinkers- they provided helpful insight. Carlson also reminds readers that this is not a book about the Philokalia, but a book about her reading of the Philokalia. As such, it has been an encouragement to me to begin my own study of the Philokalia, remembering that Carlson and so many other Orthodox women encounter many of the same daily joys, struggles, and challenges as I do, and that, as she says: “The Philokalia, this love of the beautiful, offers something to find for anyone who is willing to seek.”

[Tess · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this devotional, The Wilderness Journal: 365 Days with the Philokalia, by Angela Doll Carlsonwe read a quote from The Philokalia written by spiritual master. Each day's text is a few lines from the first volume of the Philokalia followed by Angela Doll Carlson's thoughts.

This is her journal through the wilderness and she invites us to join her. She even encourages us to keep our own wilderness journal.

There is one reading for each day so there are 365 readings. The beauty of this though is that they are numbered Day 1, Day 2 Day 3 etc. So you can start any day and if you are like me and skip a day or three here and there you can just pick up where you left off without being hounded by the date across the top not matching.

There is a month listed in the upper right hand corner but it is smaller and in italics and I find it easy to ignore it and focus on the large bold Day 68 for example.

The readings are short but don’t let that fool you in to thinking they are not rich, deep, and thought provoking. Angela Doll Carlson is a talented writer who paints pictures with her words. She shares her journey through the wildness and invites us to travel with her.

I have found that I get the most out of each day's readings when I take the time to read and re-read the quoted Philokalia text and think about what it means to me before reading what Ms Doll Carlson had to say about it. Sometimes she takes in a direction that I would have never thought and yet it makes sense.

This isn't an easy book to read but it is thought provoking. I find myself not just thinking about what the Spiritual Master had to say but about how Ms Doll Carlson frames the application in for our modern world.

I recommend this book as an introduction to Philokalia. Angie Doll Carlson has made these gems accessible for those like me who find the Philokalia intimidating and overwhelming.

[JulianaC · Rating 5 out of 5]

I, as a reader, have been found wanting. Merriam-Webster defines “found wanting” as lacking all that is needed or expected. When I started reading Angela Doll Carlson’s book, The Wilderness Journal, I quickly became frustrated. It wasn’t what I had expected - in fact, I thought that the book itself was missing something: A deeper, more insightful reflection on the texts of the Philokalia. I was disappointed and sad that I was investing time in something that wasn’t what I had anticipated. I even went so far as to share that disappointment with a friend who encouraged me that not all books are for all people. That encouragement made me decide to keep reading, just so that I could say I had finished what I’d started.

And then the change happened. The further I read, the more I recognized that the book wasn’t lacking something, I was. First, I lacked the full original source. I don’t own a copy of The Philokalia, and at this point in time do not have the resources to obtain even one volume of it, let alone the whole set. In her introduction, Ms. Carson recommended that the reader have a copy of it to read alongside this journal, and for the reader to journal for themselves. It’s now a goal of mine - to one day follow her instructions and read this book as it’s meant to be read.

The next thing I found lacking was my own openness - I had been reading with a personal set of expectations and demands, instead of waiting to see what was there. When I laid aside what I was looking for and thought that I wanted, what I found was richly rewarding. Once I wrestled my own selfishness (for the moment - it’s a daily struggle) to the side, I began to recognize that she was offering her reflections on the text in a way that I was unaccustomed to (as a former Protestant, I was used to devotional books fitting a certain mold) -- instead of thought-provoking exposition of text alone, the author’s journaling was more about everyday LIFE, and living out what she was learning -- suddenly, I found myself sitting in her shoes. Written from first person point of view, I was able, sometimes, to join Ms. Carson in her reflections. Our lives aren’t mirror images, so there was occasional dissonance in our responses, but I found myself recognizing and growing to appreciate the differences as well. I began opening up to hear what was being said instead of close-mindedly looking for my own thoughts to be reflected in hers. When I did, I learned so much more.

I also realized I was lacking in my own faithfulness. I’d been struggling for a while with finding the time to commit to prayer, to pause during the day and remember that the world, and God, is bigger than my tunnel vision allowed. I was struggling in my own life, which made reading even harder. When I arrived at day 62, on longing, Angela Doll Carlson writes, “It is hard to imagine arriving here, at this place of longing for God, without a map, great effort, a nap, or a snack to keep my pacing right. Perhaps it is a tug, perhaps a taste on the tongue. And that taste, once acquired, ignites the longing. That tug, once felt, is a recognition of the heart toward the One to whom we have always belonged.” This book was initially so abrasive to me because it was tugging on me. It demanded that I open myself to what was there, and to what is here in my day to day life. It encouraged me to take that time, to sit (or stand) with the Lord, to allow Him to work in my life and heart throughout the day, every day.

On Day 196 of her book, Ms. Carson quoted St. Hesychios the Priest: “Let your model for stillness of heart be the man who holds a mirror into which he looks. Then you will see both good and evil imprinted on your heart.” I’m now so grateful for the mirror that this book has become for me. Realizing that I have been found wanting means I have to change. I’m just grateful I don’t have to do it alone.

[Alex of Yoe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Finally, I have finished this book! I hate to say it, but this is the first Ancient Faith book to let me down. It wasn't bad, just underwhelming. Definitely not what I was expecting from a devotional based on the Philokalia.

For those who don't know, the Philokalia is a collection of writings from various monks and church leaders concerning the inner life and the way of prayer. I've never read it (it's huuuuuge) but this author has and she takes us on a year long journey through various parts of it. Each entry includes a quote from the Philokalia and a reflection piece written by the author. It's meant to be used as a daily devotional. The pieces are short and very easy to read.

I honestly just wanted more engagement with the text. Many of those quotes were so powerful and deep, and I often did not feel like the author interacted with them enough. The reflection pieces were very surface level and sentimental, which is fine, but it's not my thing. I was looking for more depth and wrestling with the text, as well as practical applications or something to hang my hat on when I finished an entry. There were times when the reflection piece didn't really match the quote and times when the narrative seemed to go nowhere.

I did like the introductions to each Philokalia writer. Those were informative and helpful. I liked how those pieces were written by different authors because, honestly, I think one year was just too much for the main author. Around August, I really felt as though she had said all that there really was to say from her experience, and my interest was lost. I wonder if this book would have been better if it had more entries by other authors rather than just one in order to help bring different perspectives and styles into the book and keep the reader engaged.

On a practical note, I really wished the entries included the actual date and not just the yearly day number (ex. the entries are labeled "Day 120" instead of "March 25th"). It was hard to tell if I had skipped an entry or if a leap year entry was included because the date was missing. That was incredibly frustrating.

I enjoyed getting an introduction to the Philokalia. The quotes were wonderful, and I hope to explore more of the actual text. However, this devotional just didn't leave much of an impression on me. It's simple and light, so if you're looking for a year-long easy devotional to dip your toes into, you might enjoy this. No heavy theology and no shaming or technical concepts which is nice. It's very accessible for the average reader, but eventually I just got bored reading it. For me, it needed more. It wasn't what I was looking for in a devotional, but that doesn't mean others won't find it helpful or soothing. It just wasn't my thing.

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a general rule, I shy away from daily devotionals, due largely to my incapability to see them through to the end of the year. Several times, I have mentioned to various individuals, wanting to read the Philokalia, an ancient text written by our early Church Fathers. I was often met with surprise and gentle discouragement. I was intrigued by “The Wilderness Journal” and thought it would be the perfect introduction to the Philokalia.

I attended from the first Ancient Faith Women’s Retreat in November, where I met the author of “The Wilderness Journal”, Angela Doll Carlson. I had been listening to her audio version of “Nearly Orthodox” and found her voice captivating, almost hypnotic. As I read “The Wilderness Journal”, I could hear her voice, her calm melodic cadence reading to me, drawing me in. Honestly, I felt I could have written the book myself. I found it uncanny how often I have had similar thoughts in my own mind. “One voice in my head is purely administrative. It tells me that the dust is too thick on the bookcase. It tells me that the dishes are piled in the sink.” (Pg 44). All. The. Time.

This companion book to the Philokalia allows the reader to read and contemplate the wisdom of our Church Fathers and also read how Mrs. Carlson relates it to her life and personal journey. She shows us in “The Wilderness Journal” that the words of our Church Fathers are still very relevant today. It encourages me to know the Philokalia can be read in small doses to allow for more understanding, prayer, and practice in daily life. I look forward to rereading this again, making notations, as I begin to read the Philokalia myself.

[w gall · Rating 4 out of 5]

Here and there among her 365 days of short, written reflections seeking a connection between the sayings of these holy fathers and her life as a mother, wife, and writer in Metropolitan Chicago, IL USA could I really get the connection. But many I could not relate to. Other than that she and I are both Orthodox Christians, my life is different from hers. But I pressed on for the whole year, and came to Day 355; her reflection that day is a real jewel. And I write this on Day 365, having just completed her book.

[Br. Thanasi (Thomas) Stama · Rating 3 out of 5]

Love the quotes from the mystic saints. But her commentary many times just did not address or nurture me.

[Tracey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Used this as a daily devotional. Although it wasn’t hat I expected, I did enjoy it!

[Jennifer Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Monday through Friday routine is as follows: Wake at 5 am, dress quickly, do my hair, make the coffee, do my prayers, and begin working at precisely 6 am. For the last month, I have added a step between prayers and work – reading an entry from The Wilderness Journal: 365 Days with the Philokalia by Angela Doll Carson. Adding something to the routine without waking earlier is nearly impossible, however the entries in this devotional are short and poignant, leaving the reader with something to consider without a protracted reading.

Each entry begins with a quote from a collection of writings of the Orthodox spiritual fathers. The Philokalia, is time-tested spiritual wisdom, but is lengthy and can be dense. Carson plucks beautiful quotations from the collection and writes brief reflections on them from her own life. The reflections are well-written, and really are a peek into the spiritual journal of the author. Unlike many other devotionals, questions are not posed for us, nor are we overtly guided towards relating the content to our own lives. The reader is simply presented with a quote and a paragraph of thought from the author, which in turn spurs consideration of our own lives.

 Carson herself encourages the reader to use this book as a companion to the Philokalia and not as a stand-alone book, and its value is truly in the window into her applications she found in her own life. It is in the particulars of her life and responses (her dusting ritual, lack of attentiveness in prayer, her children's toileting needs during the Cherubic Hymn) that we find universal experiences and insights.

The Wilderness Journal is a lovely introduction to the Philokalia and serves as a quiet example to interacting with the wisdom found within it. The nibbles of wisdom and the guidance toward reflection in the wilderness, the wildness of our modern lives, is unobtrusive in the reader's time, but pervasive in the mind. I see its beauty and potential as a tool in pilgrimage towards understanding of the Orthodox Christian faith, spiritual wisdom, and life in Christ.

[Kristin]

I was scared of this book. It arrived, fresh and lovely…and thick. I thought “Oh I will never find time for this. I am already so busy with work, with children, with church, with life…” The book continued to sit at my desk and I continued to avoid it. Then, things got worse. My mother became deathly ill and if I thought I had been overwhelmed before, I was well beyond that now. Traveling to visit her in the hospital, at the last minute I grabbed this book and threw it in my bag. I’m very glad I did. When I finally opened it that night, tired, sad, and frightened, I realized that I hadn’t been afraid of the time this book would take me but rather was afraid of my lack of knowledge. The Philokalia intimidated me—who was I to understand the Church fathers? I wasn’t prepared to read and embrace their deep wisdom; that sort of understanding was clearly beyond me. But, from the reading on Day 1, the author helped me to understand that not only could I read and appreciate the Philokalia but that I needed to do so.
The book is set forth in a series of daily quotes and readings, arranged by each Church father, and is followed by a short (but by no means shallow) commentary. From the first day, the author absolutely pegged why this book is so needed in the everyday lives of modern Orthodox: “His holy texts draw us away from the noise and distractions of worldly tensions, back to the silent inner struggle for the mortification of our earthly passions and the salvation of our souls.” That.
While the book is designed to be read each day (easily read in 5 minutes), the book can also be read in longer chunks in one sitting (which is what I did). I loved how all of the commentaries built upon each other, guiding the reader in easy but meaningful steps. Each day contains a little gem that I treasure, marking and pulling out when needed when I return to “real life”: “Worry will continue to crop up, depression will continue to knock, despair will lurk in the shadows, but only gratitude offers relief.”
This is a wonderful book and one that I can see myself going through many times. I fully expect that it will impact me and help me grow in my faith each time through.