Een zelfgekozen einde

by Jesse Bering

Jesse Bering was succesvol als wetenschapper en schrijver. Toch moest hij tussen zijn dertigste en veertigste vaak aan zelfdoding denken. Met het vervagen van deze gedachten kwam bij hem de vraag op waarom de mens niet alleen suïcidale gedachten heeft, maar er in sommige gevallen ook naar handelt. Is de ontvankelijkheid voor zelfdoding een uniek evolutionair gegeven van onze soort?
Op basis van persoonlijke verhalen, journalistiek onderzoek en de meest recente wetenschappelijke kennis probeert Jesse Bering de suïcidale geest te doorgronden.
Toegankelijk, persoonlijk, diepgaand, een boek als dit over zelfdoding was er nog niet.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Science, Health, Death, Mental Illness

304 pages, Paperback

First published October 30, 2018

About the author

Jesse Bering is an experimental psychologist and a leading scholar in the cognitive science of religion. He is also an essayist and science writer specializing in evolution and human behavior. His first book, The Belief Instinct (W. W. Norton, 2011), was included in the American Library Association’s Top 25 Books of the Year and voted one of the “11 Best Psychology Books of 2011” by The Atlantic. This was followed by a collection of his Webby-award nominated essays, Why Is the Penis Shaped Like That? (Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 2012), and Perv (2013, Farrar, Straus, and Giroux), a taboo-breaking work that received widespread critical acclaim and was named as a New York Times Editor’s Choice. His most recent book was A Very Human Ending (Doubleday, 2018).

Bering’s writings have been translated into many different languages and reviewed in The New York Times, The Guardian, The New Yorker, The Atlantic, and many other outlets. He has also been featured in numerous documentaries and radio programs, including Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman, Conan, Chelsea Lately, Q&A (Australia), and NPR’s All Things Considered.

Bering is Director of the Centre for Science Communication at the University of Otago. He lives in Dunedin, New Zealand with his partner, Juan, and their two cheeky border terriers, Hanno and Kora.

Reviews

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 4 out of 5]

– All the inconveniences in the world are not considerable enough that a man should die to evade them; and, besides, there being so many, so sudden and unexpected changes in human things, it is hard rightly to judge when we are at the end of our hope…

Michel de Montaigne, A Custom of the Isle of Cea (1574)

This is quite a good book on the topic of suicide, which seems to be a hot topic this year, with all of the people we have lost to it...think of all the big names that have taken their lives recently, and maybe the people you know personally too. Written by an author who personally has had issues with it, so he knows whereof he speaks, and has also done his homework, so it makes for very interesting reading on this fascinating subject.

The book takes on the question of whether non-human animals commit suicide, among many other issues. Think of the dog who lays by his master’s grave, refusing to eat or leave, brokenheartedly awaiting his return. It also discusses some unusual ways that people have used to commit suicide and delves into different studies and papers on suicide published by different scholars.

There’s a bit of something for just about any interest in the subject, and it was worth a read. My thanks for the advance electronic copy that was provided by NetGalley, author Jesse Bering, and the publisher for my fair review.

University of Chicago Press
Pub: Oct 30th, 2018

My BookZone blog:
https://wordpress.com/post/bookblog20...

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a gifted academic, research psychologist and professor at Otago University (New Zealand) Jesse Bering is a bestselling author, his books have been translated in several languages. In “Suicidal: Why We Kill Ourselves” Bering delves into what he calls the “specter of suicide”-- among the darkest moments of the human condition. With about one million deaths (globally) each year, it is important to understand suicidal ideation in its various forms and patterns, the heartbreak and grief of survivors, many are compelled to seek and search for answers to understand this deadly final act.

Throughout the book, Bering shares his personal story: beginning as an anxious gay teen, Bering then had a rewarding grad school education, waves of accomplishment, excellence in combination with crushing academic disappointment and defeat; and later, more impressive success and authorship. In addition, Bering shares his deepest darkest moments and times with the “secrets” of suicidal impulses. Excellent research is combined with scientific and academic findings, literature, true stories from survivors and family members, also the subject of animal suicide make for some interesting and fascinating reading.
During war time there is a considerable drop in suicidal deaths: the same statistical decline in America was noted following the assassination of JFK, the Challenger Space Shuttle, and the 9/11 attacks. “To be rooted” observed Simone Weil “is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul.”
Viktor Frankel attributed the Jewish survival rate and lack of suicide deaths from the horrific conditions of the Nazi concentration camps to the “innate human ability to find purpose in life.” In the book, “Suicide and the Holocaust” (2005) suicidologist David Lester reported that suicide deaths were high in the Jewish ghetto’s and concentration camps but either not reported or under reported by Nazi guards.
The “Werther Effect”-- the phenomenon and contagion of copy-cat suicide was explored in length. Following the release of the Goethe classic novel “The Sorrows of the Young Werther” (1776) the book was banned in several European countries due to the increase of suicide deaths copied from the book. The controversial Netflix series “13 Reasons Why…” (2017) teen Hanna Barker committed suicide because she felt she was badly treated by others. The disturbing scenes of her death were compared to horror movies. The concern of prevention specialists raised alarms over the risk of the show being aimed at impressionable vulnerable teens. In order to show an “honest” portrayal television executives ignored scientific data. The online media, cyberbullying was covered briefly.
A 17 year old teen, Victoria “Vic” McLeod, left behind a detailed journal of four months of her crippling anxiety and suicidal thought process. Vic ended her life after jumping from a 10 story building in Singapore (2014). The journal entries were indeed “extraordinary”. Vic’s parents wanted to share their daughters story in order to help others.

There was no discussion of the Aokigahara Forest (a suicide “hot spot”) located at the base of Mt. Fuji. However, an Asian suicide epidemic began after the unusual “burning charcoal death” of Jessica Choi yuk-Chun, a Hong Kong engineering executive (1998).
In New Zealand, (suicide was a crime until 1961) the rates of suicide deaths are high. Often, depressed missing individuals are last seen on beaches, relatives plead with the public for any information; when the bodies are found, “No foul play suspected” is listed on the official report. This is not to conceal evidence, but used as a proven tactic in suicide prevention.
In the last part of the book, the methods used and detailed in suicide prevention clearly saved lives. However, if an individual is determined to conceal suicidal thoughts or intent to avoid intervention or hospitalization, even a skilled psychiatric mental health professional would be unable to detect a possible suicide attempt/death. In a large psychiatric clinic, The Implicit Association Test (IAT) a five minute computer program that flashed images and words across the screen was a more accurate predictor of people with suicidal risk over doctor interviews The development of new technologies are highly promising in suicide education and prevention. With thanks and appreciation to the University of Chicago Press via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.

[Aisling · Rating 2 out of 5]

Positives of this book: it provides some interesting statistics/scenarios that shed more light on the topic. The writing is accessible.

My biggest gripe: he went and brought religion into it.

Here's my deal - religion IS relevant here. Yes, in more than one religion, at some point in history, suicide was or is considered a sin, something that would prevent you from being favoured in the afterlife or something that might have negative ramifications.

What is not relevant, however, is whether or not there actually is an afterlife. And this author made it clear that 1) he does not believe in an afterlife and 2) if you disagree, you're wrong.

Why'd you go and do that bro, I was with you up until now.

At one point, he talks about a study carried out, with young children being the subjects, essentially to test if they believed that the consciousness lives on when the body dies. He found that the youngest children were more likely to believe that the mind lives on than the older children, and he draws this conclusion:

"this erroneous belief in the survival of personal consciousness after death is our species' 'default stance.'"

The word erroneous here carries so much weight. To imply that YOU, a developmental psychologist, have the answer that people have been searching for for centuries. YOU alone are sure that there is no life after death! Gee, that's neat. Please email me the study in which you categorically proved that the consciousness dies when the body does. Surely that's Nobel Prize worthy stuff, no?

He even goes on to liken being an atheist surrounded by the religious to "being surrounded by people who are in the middle of a role-playing fantasy game and you can't get them to just be serious for a minute".

I mean, the arrogance.

I did not read this book for your philosophical opinion, sir. I read it for an informed evaluation of why people might take their own lives, and what they might be feeling up until that point.

Before you ask, yes I am religious. However, I also love science. Science and faith are not mutually exclusive and plenty of great scientists and mathematicians throughout the ages have also been religious (Michael Faraday, Gregor Mendel, Isaac Newton - all dedicated Christians). To bring your faith (or lack thereof) into what is supposed to be a scientific analysis of human behaviour and present it as fact is absurd.

I really wouldn't have seen this as a negative if it was presented as opinion, but to arrogantly laugh in the face of the billions of people in the world who do believe that there is some form of life after death and call that belief erroneous? Blatantly unprofessional. The afterlife is, by nature, an unfalsifiable concept, a term of which I'm sure you know the meaning, being that it's a term you would learn in first year uni as a psychology student. To talk about religion as if it's everybody else off in fantasy land while you're sat there going, "Guys? Can we all come back to reality for a minute?"

Miss me with that shit.

For anyone wanting to come at me - I'm not annoyed that this guy is not religious. I don't give a shit what anyone believes as long as it's not hurting other people. What's pissed me off is that this guy has used his nonfiction, science based book, which features scientific research and investigation, to present his own belief as fact. Frankly, I think it's just incompetent.

But more than anything, it was irrelevant. Whether or not there is an afterlife does not matter here, when you're only supposed to be informing me of whether or not belief in that afterlife affects suicide rates. Literally, why would you even bring your lack of faith into that. There was a whole chapter dedicated to faith and suicide, and for a pretty big chunk of it I was thinking, yeah, I might just skip this chapter because at this point he's just telling me that religion is a fairy tale, and that's not the content I signed up for when reading a book about suicidality.

tl;dr: I read this book to learn more about suicidal minds, not have you tell me that God isn't real. Unless you have some kind of proof to back that claim up, do not state your opinion as fact in a nonfiction book supposed to be based in science. It came across as arrogant and gross.

[Diane Hernandez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Theories abound, but few conclusions are reached in the interesting, but ultimately disappointing, Suicidal: Why We Kill Ourselves.

Recently, there has been a spate of celebrity suicides: Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and Avicii (Tim Bergling). Despite having an outwardly successful life, these people, and many others over the years felt that suicide was the best choice. Suicidal: Why We Kill Ourselves attempts to answer that question using scientific studies and the author’s own suicidal tendencies as a roadmap.

The statistics and studies are fascinating. For example, 43% of suicides are caused by genetics, and 57% are caused by environment. 90% of the genetic issues are mood disorders like depression or bipolar disorder. The worst risk is when a person genetically predisposed to suicide runs into one of the environmental issues like the death of a loved one or loss of a job. The risks stack rather than run concurrently. However, the book’s episodic nature jumps from the police’s difficulty of determining suicidal intent conclusively to whether animals commit suicide to pure scientific research about brain chemistry.

Suicidal: Why We Kill Ourselves attempts to answer the “why are people suicidal” question. However, the presentation of a multitude of theories, many of them conflicting, fails to provide a clear answer. The conclusion presents some interesting facts about prevention, which answers only the “how are suicides done” question. The why remains a mystery.

Readers interested in how to prevent suicide rather than why suicide occurs will enjoy this book. Also, therapists or police officers interested in learning the results of studies of suicides would appreciate it. However, it is not recommended for families dealing with a suicide that has already occurred as it will generate more questions than answers. Also, anyone contemplating suicide would be better served by reading one of the many self-help or therapeutic books on the subject. 3 stars.

Thanks to University of Chicago Press and NetGalley for an advance copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Rob Sica · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an academic librarian with some familiarity with current scholarship on suicide (through both my research assistance and my recreational interest), I unreservedly and enthusiastically recommend this superbly written, scientifically informed, and richly insightful book accessible to a wide and varied readership. Whether you are fortunate enough to have only a casual or more distantly philosophical interest in the topic, or have been personally touched or harrowed by suicide in the various ways sensitively and masterfully illuminated by Bering, there is something of lasting value for nearly any possible reader. Bering's unique combination of (1) professional background in cognitive and evolutionary psychology, in which he has made substantial contributions, and in award-winning popular scientific writing, (2) longstanding personal experience contending with suicidal ideation, and (3) exquisitely fluent and dexterous writing skill -- this singular synthesis confers upon SUICIDAL an authority and pathos scarcely matched by any other book in recent years on this darkly enigmatic and perhaps uniquely human phenomenon which, according the the World Health Organization, on average claims a life every 40 seconds.

[drowningmermaid · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, if you see me reading a lot of suicide books, and something happens to me, I was murdered. It wasn't suicide.

I'm doing some reading because there was a suicide at my work.

Most books fall into the 'memoir' category, and here and there a 'therapy techniques' book.

This is the only one I've found that is scientific, non-judgemental, and the closest thing to answering the 'why's of the people left behind.

It explains that suicide is more common among people whose lives are going basically well, because
the focus comes to be on the few things that aren't going well. It explains the process that the brain goes through as it tricks itself into its own end.

Also, there is a bacteria that can cause suicidal ideation in humans, and attraction to cat piss in rats.

Since it's written by someone with suicidal tendencies, it has a unique perspective, and you can tell that he really empathizes with some of the people who took their lives.

Part historical overview, part psychological profile, and part biology, this is the best book on suicide I have encountered.

[Travis · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this perceptive, sensitive study, Jesse Bering looks at suicide from all angles. He asks the philosophical and ethical questions surrounding it. He looks at it psychologically, from the mental health perspective. He examines the sociological and religious factors that impinge on suicide. He considers the practicalities of suicide--how access to tools that make suicide easier (guns, for example) affects suicide rates. He wrestles with the difficult questions about suicidal contagion--that is, whether some individuals are more likely to attempt suicide after exposure to suicide in literature, in film, or in the news.

Then, moving beyond these academic analyses, Bering probes numerous individual stories of those who have attempted suicide or died by suicide. He quotes extensively from and reflects upon their journals and suicide notes, and he listens to and relates to his readers what their family members and friends have to say. To shed further light, he interviews mental health professionals who have worked with suicidal individuals and academics who have written and published extensively on suicide. Finally, he writes about his own struggles with suicidal ideation; this is a very personal book for Bering, and it's all the better for it.

The final result is a fascinating, extremely informative, nuanced discussion of suicide. It is humane, thoughtful, wise, and kind. It offers no easy answers or definitive judgements, for there are none. This is a book that is going to stick with me and will, I think, with most readers.

[Neil H · Rating 5 out of 5]

I half expected this book to be a frivolous read. I admit bias when the author confesses his literary work with such lurid names as Why Is a Penis Shaped Like That amongst others. But as one of many others who have a history of addiction, mental and suicidal thoughts. I thought this might come in handy with understanding the profundity of taking one's life. Jesse writes and I agree that aside from morality, religious or libertarian we have an immense history of self harm and for loads of fathomable and mysterious reasons. Some quick to commit, some use it as an attention seeking tool. Whatever the flavors a person's descent into self non existence is. Nobody close to its action/actor is immune to its affects and effects. History and philosophical persuasion aside. Unless we are in their shoes, we will never understand the motivation. It's not a mind disease. It's not a survival or adaptive behaviour. It's a social affliction that persists.

[Maher Razouk · Rating 5 out of 5]

على صعيد عالميّ، يَقتل مليون شخص أنفسهم سنويًا، ويحاول ملايين آخرين القيام بذلك. ربما يكون هذا الرقم متحفظًا للغاية ؛ بسبب وصمة العار ومطالبات التأمين الباهظة، أي أنه قد يكون أكبر من ذلك. من المعروف أن حالات الانتحار ومحاولات الانتحار لا يتم الإبلاغ عنها بشكل كافٍ عندما يتعلق الأمر بالإحصاءات الرسمية. ومع ذلك، تُترجم هذه الأرقام تقريبًا إلى حقيقة أن شخصًا ما ينتحر كل أربعين ثانية. من الآن وحتى الوقت الذي تنتهي فيه من قراءة الفقرة التالية، سيقرر شخص ما، في مكان ما، أن الموت هو خيار أفضل من التنفس مرة أخرى ، وسوف يُزيل نفسه بشكل دائم من هذا العالم.
.
Jesse Bering
A Very Human Ending
Translated By #Maher_Razouk

[Ron Christiansen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bering interweaves his own experience with suicidal ideation with historical research on suicide in search of describing the suicidal mind. His big contention is that the book will explore the "suicidal person in all of us." Clearly the book resonated with me as in the back matter of the book I listed two full pages of tiny scribbled notes and quotations.

In part, my interest comes from my own intense year in 2014 of suicidal ideation. I was never suicidal which I hate writing as if to say, "at least I wasn't suicidal like..." Yet I don't see it that way. It just wasn't in my DNA or possibly it was simply the luck of combining my genetic proclivities with my environment at the time. Of course no guarantees those feelings will not return and the experience will always always be there even if deeply tucked away. In short I wrote and ruminated on what life means and what kind of life is worth living; that's the academic version. But I also was wracked with the pain and extreme ludicrous nature of this life we live. I was counting down the years until 60, until retirement, until...

I'm also interested because I agree in spirit with Camus' contention that suicide is "the only truly serious philosophical problem." What bigger question is there? But even as I write this I realize many, probably most, will disagree. And that's most likely a good thing. It seems most have an immunity built up against suicidal ideation and suicide which pushes it deep into a dormant stage only to be awakened in extreme contexts or in a cultural memetic moment. Thank goodness.

Yet for me much resonates...

"When you are happy, you know that it will dissipate, but it feels like it could last forever. When you are sad it is long. A protracted and dull lethargy that is dense, but in the moment it feels like it could last forever" (127).

"I am not sad so much as gone" (134).

"It is a pity that the scales of justice tilt so heavily in our minds in favor of a person's worst deed" (229).

I live on not because life may be joyous tomorrow (even though it surely will at some point), but because I cannot imagine contributing to someone else's, a loved one or otherwise, existential horror.

[robleestvanalles · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lovely title for the holiday season! This is a great book to get to know more about the phenomenon of suicide.
Main point of critique is that it is quite selective in its treatment of suicide. It lacks coherence and a logical order at times, especially after the first half of the book. It's full of interesting facts and notes on research and historical figures/data. Overall, however, it feels like a collection of information brought about by a personal quest (Bering) for meaning in suicidal tendencies.

I for instance missed information on suicide tourism and more on suicide sites (hot spots, as he briefly touched upon this matter), or more elaborate and extensive research on it's philosophical roots. While he for instance describes suicidal contagion and hot-spots and suicide pacts and the role of media, he touches upon these interesting topics briefly and does so somewhat dispersed throughout the book. Things like 'assisted suicide' he does not treat at all. He could have done way more with providing historical data and the societal aspect of suicide (how suicide has had different meanings throughout the times and in different societies; eg senicide in different older cultures as normalised suicidal behavior -which he only touched upon very briefly) and I missed stuff on different types of suicide and the importance of age in suicide attempts (someone committing suicide in their 20s tends to have different motivations/methods etc than someone who was able the brood on it for a longer period of time, and what have the experiences been from shortly retired people who committed suicide for instance? As most graphs show a rapid increase of suicides right after that).

My biggest issue with this book is the writer's prominent ego throughout. Especially near the ending he often reverts to less factual writing, more story-telling, and his own story is overly present. I could appreciate the qualitative use of information from interviews or diaries from persons having committed suicide, but they are lengthy and gave me the impression that he ran out of steam somewhere halfway. His stories about how he is not that technical and how he would be bad at committing suicide if that would imply he needed to make something chemical or mechanic, or the lengthy parts on how he had everything (how successful he was) but became depressed, made the book drag a bit. These parts could have been cut shorter. However, I appreciate his personal stance and the vulnerability he has shown.
I also very much appreciate his reference to suicide among homosexuals by describing his own struggles with that. However, he did not really go into that which I think is unforgivable, as sexuality/gender tends to impact feelings of guilt/shame (not being accepted or wanted in society) and statistics show that suicide among people diverting from the heterosexual norm tend to be relatively high. Not only in terms of homosexuality but it also very much applies to for instance transgenders. The fact that many psychologists today still view transgenders as people suffering from psychological problems and that they strongly medicalize people with suicidal urges is amoral and plain wrong. Instead of helping people discover their strengths and meaning in life, they are problem-focused and medicalize (labelling, working from a vague assumed pathology). This book fortunately rightly stresses the social dimension of suicide. Suicide is a social problem, not a psychological disease!

I would have graded this book more stars if the structure and logical order would have been stronger, if it read less like the end-result of an emotional fact-finding mission, and if parts would have been less focused on the writer himself/less dragging because of the lengthy story-telling. And.. if there were few books out there about this topic, but fortunately there are. Thank you Mr Bering for writing about this topic and your own experiences.

[Cecile Kerubo · Rating 4 out of 5]

"She kills herself not out of guilt for her actions, but for the shame of others finding out"...Humans are social beings constantly thinking about what others think. What we ourselves think. And what others think we think. The natural psychologists of the animal kingdom.

Statistically, someone takes their own life every 40 seconds, plenty of these cases are linked to psychiatric conditions but plenty aren't, and that's the everyday person dealing with suicidal thoughts. Also, not everyone who is depressed dies by suicide, and not everyone who commits suicide is depressed. Damning information and just to add onto that "historically, suicide has accounted for more deaths than all wars and homicides combined."These statistics probably mean we know someone who has died by suicide (am careful to use the term committed suicide - which the book also delves into in some great detail), they are shocking statistics to me, and this is why I ask myself the question, why would a person choose to end their life, where do they get the guts, how? etc etc

As with everything that involves how the human mind works, the answers are never satisfying. The book explores the 6 stages a suicidal person goes through before they get to a point of no return. With real-life examples, you get to journey with those who have successfully suicided (a verb that's also acceptable in the English language) and those who were unsuccessful in their attempts. Its almost heart-wrenching to read some of these stories and think to myself, hey talk to someone, someone must care. I now no longer judge those who decide to go this way, my mind has been opened to accept that my and your moral standpoint on this matter doesn't do anyone any favors.
Why are we the only apes that jump? What can we do to stop ourselves? If you are suicidal I believe this would be a great read considering the author was also suicidal. I mean that shows he's empathetic enough. For those who are not suicidal, it will help you view things in a different perspective. To know what signs to look out for in our friends, family, etc and what we can do to help. And for those who have to live with the fact that someone close to them decided to end their lives, the book will offer some understanding as to why and maybe that will help you deal with the situation even slightly better.

"After a lonely Bay Area man killed himself by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge...a suicide note had been left on a bureau. "I am going to walk to the bridge, it read "If one person smiles to me on the way, I will not jump".

[Bart · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bam, in your face. Wat een rit was dit boek zeg, van de psychologische benadering van zelfmoord tot zeer persoonlijke verhalen van mensen die zelfmoord pleegden. Nogmaals, verplichte kost voor psychologen, maar niet voor iedereen weggelegd.

[Ivana · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could recommend one book to those who lost their loved one to suicide as well as to those who feel life is simply too much, I’d recommend this one. There are sentences in this book that I can only describe as surgical scalpels which cut so precisely into the marrow of all the things I feel but cannot put into words.

[Marian · Rating 1 out of 5]

A Magpie's Nest of Gaffes, Guffaws, and Tears

Is this a Responsible Book on a Risky Subject?
This book is out of balance, All Yin, No Yang. This opinion-driven, ugly book deserves an opinion-driven, ugly review.

As the author has thought of suicide himself, is it unkind to write a negative review?
No, I think people need to know his book is ugly before they read it. I suggest retracting the book.

Does this book add to the ethical and scientific body of knowledge on the topic?
No. Some material seemed quite improbable, such as a diary he detailed. I question his role: he interacts with the actively suicidal or families of those who died. I wonder about the appropriateness of the details he has disclosed and the privacy rights of those involved.

Does this book hold biases and prejudices that offend?
Yes. For example, he devoted a great deal of time to the death of a “tall, attractive blonde.” What about the short, dark people? Are they less sympathetic or worthwhile?

Did this book help me with my own existential crisis?
Not a bit, although writing a negative review might temporarily help me turn my anger outwards with my keyboard.

Does this book enhance a personal sense of value to society?
No. I feel less valued, less connected, less needed, less wanted. I am reinforced in negative perceptions that people do not like people in distress. Is a menopausal woman useful to society or "off the list"? My new term from the author for menopausal women: sexless worker ants. I do not think that using labels like he does is productive.

Do I feel less isolated after reading this book?
No. I feel more isolated, and, worse yet, I was reminded by the author that isolation is a predictor of suicide.

Was useful advice provided?
No. I have found better advice on day to day coping elsewhere. My impression from him was a push and pull based on, “If you are useless to the group, leave.” The laundry list of worldwide phone numbers at the end is of very low value. However, an easy 9-1-1 style number for all people worldwide to get help in crisis is beyond what the author could provide. I think that is needed. The CDC has clearer objectives that address people’s core needs better than what was detailed in the book, such as: economic security initiatives, access to mental health care, social-emotional learning programs, relationship programs, treatment programs, community engagement activities, and system change. I would add to that destigmatization efforts after reading this book. However, these are all prospective investments in people and are not this year’s action initiatives.

Does this book help develop the Protective Factors to lower Suicide Risk?
Even if the US Public Health Service overlaps some of the CDC objectives, these deserve to be reiterated as our society’s needs are urgent:
• Effective clinical care for mental, physical, and substance abuse disorders
• Easy access to a variety of clinical interventions and support for help seeking
• Family and community support (connectedness)
• Support from ongoing medical and mental health care relationships
• Skills in problem solving, conflict resolution, and nonviolent ways of handling disputes
• Cultural and religious beliefs that discourage suicide and support instincts for self-preservation

Does this author help or hinder suicide survivors?
The author describes research that indicates people would rather love someone from an “outside” or marginated ethnic group than someone who attempted suicide. So, this makes those of us who are unloved even less loved. Good to know.
The author talks about how some people find watching a suicide as incredibly funny or deserved. For those who find the world to be an ugly place, this reinforces a perception that society is diseased. I offer a possible “rationale” for this uncomfortable description of the reactions of some: observers may blame and shame the suicidal person because they are attempting to control their feelings and they feel like they lack control of the situation. Psychologists might be better able to expand on the paradoxical situations involving suicide, but the author did not suitably frame the anecdote.

Do I feel more positive about the human race and my place in it after reading this book?
No. People damage other people in measurable ways. This book causes damage.

Did the author offer helpful coping strategies?
Not in particular, and each of us needs prescriptions that are right for us. For example, he advises a type of “dissociation” and suggests looking at our situation as if we were an observer of our life on a stage. This is scary!!! Detachment like this seems to me to characterize how a person can become the emotionally detached mass murderer. Anger turned inwards is often associated with depression or suicide. Anger turned outwards can get aggressive towards other people or animals or inanimate objects. Detaching from emotions negates happiness and fear right along with the anger and sadness. A 2013 article in Psychological Science emphasizes that anger, happiness, sadness, and fear have the same common neural building blocks. I do not know if it is ever possible to remove one emotion without interfering with the others. What research, Mr. Author, do you cite that supports healthy outcomes from detaching from our emotions? I am familiar with the visualizations where we try to passively observe our emotions, but that is very different from what you offered. We need our emotions; what we don’t need is denial of health and mental care, denial of our emotions, denial of economic possibilities, denial of love, denial of families through courts, and denial of our human hearts.

[Moris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite an enjoyable read despite the somber subject matter. Book is shorter than I thought, suddenly it was done lol.

[Jacqui · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating insight into the psychology and science behind suicide, all told from a unique perspective.

Memorable Quotes

"And what good would my death serve if it meant having to view it through the eyes of the very same head that I so desperately wanted to escape from in the first place?"

"Psychache - this acute, intolerable feeling that makes people want to die."

"We’re not all ragingly mad, violently unstable, or even obviously depressed. Sometimes, a suicide seems like it comes out of nowhere. But that’s only because so many of us would rather go to our graves keeping up appearances than reveal we’re secretly coming undone."

"Depression is a secret tomb that no one sees but you . . . being dead but yet alive."

"These dark feelings are inherently social in nature. In the vast majority of cases, people kill themselves because of other people."

"Social problems— especially, a hypervigilant concern with what others think or will think of us if only they knew what we perceive to be some unpalatable truth— stoke a deadly fire."

"I use that word— happy— with trepidation. It defines not a permanent state of being but slippery moments of non- worry."

"...there’s a tipping point where the agony of living becomes worse than the pain of dying."

"...I possess almost a full complement of traits that make certain types of people more prone to suicide than others. Impulsive. Check. Perfectionist. Check. Sensitive. Shame-prone. Mood- disordered. Sexual minority. Self- blaming. Check."

"In fact, historically, suicide has accounted for more deaths than all wars and homicides combined."

"I want people to be able to recognize when they’re under suicide’s hypnotic spell and to wait it out long enough for that spell to wear off. Acute episodes of suicidal ideation rarely last longer than twenty-four hours."

"It’s scientifically naive to assume that humans have a monopoly on consciousness, but it’s equally naive to think that other animals experience the world in the same way that we do."

"...suicide often occurs when an individual has little contact with his family; in fact, protracted isolation from family and other members of society is among the best predictors."

"One of the best predictors of suicide, in fact, is a previous attempt."

"
One of the great paradoxes, it seems to me, is that nobody wants to live more than the suicidal person, just not under these circumstances; no one has a greater appreciation for life, just not this life."

"Remove the suicidal person’s one nagging reason for dread and the desire to die evaporates . . . for the time being."

"...suicide rates tend to plummet during wartime, when there’s a shift in the cultural focus away from individual differences and toward the unification of in- group members."

"Across cultures, self- blame or 'condemnation of the self' is a common denominator in suicides. It’s not simply low self- esteem that puts the individual at risk, but a recent demonization of the self in response to whatever has gone so wrong (or threatens to go wrong)."

"...to feel suicidal is to feel the unbearable weight of other people’s thoughts bearing down on us, even if only the faceless and unforgiving society at large that we’ve come to internalize as our own personal judge, not altogether dissimilar to Freud’s famous superego."

"And even though good things pass too, don’t be upset because it’s over, smile because it happened."

"When the afterlife is seen as a better alternative to whatever intolerable conditions we face in this world, religious ideas can effectively promote suicidal behavior by exploiting our evolved psychology."

"...up to 78 percent of those who die by suicide explicitly deny suicidal thoughts in their last verbal communications before killing themselves."

"...suicide is one of the few social acts for which, in the end, the individual does not have to face society."

"And when we truly love someone, we would do anything to persuade that person that suicide is not, in fact, the only option. The truth is, we’d hold that fallen person’s hand through Hell on earth. We are their other option."

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have you thought about suicide? Have you been affected by suicide? Are you just interested in what causes suicide and what makes some people more susceptible than others? If so, this is an excellent book for you. The book covers:

• A brief overview of how genetics and differences in VENs (contributing to our ability to think about what others think of us) in the brain contribute to suicidal ideation.
• Parasuicide and theory of mind (attempting to figure out what the individual was thinking prior to death).
• Theories for how suicide works with survival of the fittest
• The social contagion of suicide and what makes some suicides more contagious than others and also what part the internet has played.
• The six phases in thinking that suicidal people go through when suicidal and how our minds can be tricked into making a fatal decision.
• A historical look at changing perspectives of suicide and social/religious forces surrounding the issue now. Also, how the sometimes-irrational stigma we place on suicide a can actually be a protective force (causing people to be less likely to act on those impulses).
• How mental health experts can be very bad at deciphering if someone is suicidal and what tools are much more effective.

The author beautifully and compassionately unfolds the story and factors that contribute to suicide. He weaves his own personal struggle with suicidal ideation along with the struggles of others who suffer from those same issues or have lost a loved one to suicide. The most powerful example of this was using Victoria McLeod’s diary to take the abstract concepts of the six phases of suicidal thinking and make them tangible and concrete.

The author takes a very dark taboo subject and actually makes it more entertaining and easier to read about than you would think possible while still retaining the respect for the subject matter. While he is a bit wordy at times and has a tendency to go off on tangents sometimes, this is a thoughtful, informative book and an excellent read to boot.

Thanks so much to Netgalley, the publishers, and the author for providing me with a copy for an honest review.

[Fraser Kinnear · Rating 3 out of 5]

Strange grab-bag of a book - it’s incredibly difficult to write a popular- science book about why people kill themselves. What we get are some statistics to explain how large of a problem this is (e.g., Someone takes their own life every 40 seconds, and 16% of US high school students in 2011 said they seriously thought about attempting suicide, while 8% actually did), some biological explanation for the kin-selective advantages for how suicidal and depressive behaviors may have come about, and a case study for how confusing and heart-wrenching the individual cases all can be.

One fact I found particularly interesting was that there is biological evidence for suicidal behavior independent of any other causes. From twin studies: identical twins are far more likely to both attempt than fraternal twins. Adoptees who attempt suicide are 6x more likely than non-suicidal adoptees to have biological family members that kill themselves. Even controlling for things like depression, bipolar disorder, and alcoholism, suicidality can be teased out.

Another was that nearly 2x of gun deaths in the US come from suicide than murder (I wonder how accidents are accounted for in this proportion). This gives credence to why, on the Suicide Prevention Hotline that I volunteer on, we always ask if the caller has access to a gun.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

For most of my life, I was depressed and suicidal, which is one of the main reasons I turned to drugs and alcohol. Today, with over 8 years sober, I try to help others with their mental health by giving them hope with my story as well as trying to learn as much as possible. When I saw this new book from Jesse Bering, I knew I had to read it although I was unfamiliar with his work. There are so many questions around suicide, and I have yet to find many books with much information behind the psychology of it all. There are many misconceptions about suicidality, but Jesse Bering did an amazing job with this book. 

Bering was extremely thorough with his research on the subject, and he's someone that shares from his personal experience as well. As someone who is also a fan of evolutionary psychology, I found Bering's chapter on an evolutionary/social reason for why people may decide to end their life. I do think there were quite a few questions that were left unanswered by the end of this book, but it's at no fault of the author. It's just a subject that we're still trying to learn more about so we can save more lives. By far, this is one of the best books I've read on the subject, and the author has gained me as a lifelong fan. I can't wait to check out his other books.

[Alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me quite some time to read this book, but not because I didn't enjoy it. I find Jesse Bering's writing style quite soothing and funny, even though he is dealing with quite difficult subject matter. The book provides a balance between academic research and personal experiences (both his as well as that of other people). It is an honest, painful and funny analysis of humans, behaviour, society, religion, etc.

I would definitely recommend it; however, as indicated by the amount of time it took me to get through this book, it is not an easy reading experience. It is still suicide, and regardless of how funny and down-to-earth Jesse is, it is extremely heartbreaking to read about.

[Brian S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just notes.

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journa...

Evolutionary approaches to depression

Kin Selection

https://suicide-and-its-prevention.eu...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eusocia...

Genetic aspects.

Roy Baumeister’s paper on suicidal stages.

Thomas Gilovich. Spotlight effect. Barry Manilow t shirt.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotlig...

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copyc...

Suicide risk in adults with Asperger's syndrome

Cyberball experiments on social rejection.

Plutarch, The Women of Miletus.

The malady seemed to be of divine origin and beyond human help, until, on the advice of a man of sense, an ordinance was proposed that the women who hanged themselves should be carried naked through the market-place to their burial. And when this ordinance was passed it not only checked, but stopped completely, the young women from killing themselves.

https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/...

moral dumbfounding, Haidt.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_...

Original Article: Knowledge of Deaths in Hotel Rooms Diminishes Perceived Value and Elicits Guest Aversion

Original Article: Aversion to organs donated by suicide victims: The role of psychological essentialism

Measuring the suicidal mind: implicit cognition predicts suicidal behavior: "one recent study found that 78% of patients who die by suicide explicitly deny suicidal thoughts in their last verbal communications before killing themselves"

From an article in the New Yorker:

A local California doctor named Jerome Motto told Friend that he has participated in several efforts to erect a suicide barrier on the bridge, after one of his patients killed himself there in 1963. But the jump that had most touched him took place the following decade. “I went to this guy’s apartment afterward with the assistant medical examiner,” Motto recalled. “The guy was in his thirties, lived alone, pretty bare apartment. He’d written a note and left it on his bureau. It said, ‘I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.’”

[Stephen Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think I scared my husband when I referred to "the book about suicide I'm reading" as being "inspiring," but I meant the modifier in the usual, non-lethal way. This is a book that will make you feel like life is doable, even if you've been prone to thinking that it's anything but.

Spencer Kornhaber's review of the finale of "The Good Place" in The Atlantic led me to this book, which I was quickly able to access for free as an ebook through my university's library. I'd been grappling with the final episode of "The Good Place" for over a week. I'd enjoyed it, but for reasons I couldn't quite articulate, I'd been bothered by the writers' suggestion that even the strongest, healthiest, most loving relationships have an expiration date that can only be resolved through annihilation. If it's just a checklist of accomplishments that makes life feel worthwhile, then sometimes suicide makes sense; I wasn't happy with that idea.

Bering's goal is to show us that suicidal thoughts are a fairly normal thing that happen to our primate brains and that if we can manage to remember that, then maybe we can guide ourselves out of the darkness. His writing is accessible, earnest, intimate, and even quite funny at times. I recognized myself in much of this book, including the personal confessions that Bering shares, and I felt a deep, life-affirming warmth and affinity as I consumed the pages.

Suicidal thoughts create a world of extreme isolation. In this book, Bering reveals that loneliness for the hurtful illusion it is.

[Storey Clayton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A thorough exploration of an important topic and generally quite accessibly and realistically written. An exemplary offering, of both the tone and content: "It's a prejudice of mine, I admit it, but it's difficult for me to fully trust anyone for whom the thought of taking one's own life hasn't alighted at least briefly, enticingly, on their thoughts..." (I assume he means trust them on the topic, not writ large in life, though the following comments make it more unclear.) I have really only two qualms with this tome, which I tore through: (1) he presumes an atheistic worldview, and rather defensively so, which makes it offputting to the few nonatheists of us clinging to intellectual thought (which reminds me to observe that we've entered this strange time where both atheists and nonatheists think they are in the minority - how is this possible?). (2) He seems eager to define "the suicidal mind" to the point that it oversimplifies. Though he takes great pains to caveat the complexity of the situation, there are still a lot of broad-brush observations that seem to conflate, for example, thoughtfully planned and impulsive suicides. All that said, there's a lot of vital stuff here and he ticks important boxes, from pop culture iconography to the real problem with guns. Worth a read if you're into this subject, with all the usual cautions.

[Literary Redhead · Rating 5 out of 5]

Depression is the jewel passed down through our family for generations, the one you wish you could refuse. So I was eager to read this important book, which explains eloquently and through meticulous research and the author’s own story why, according to the World Health Organization, nearly 800,000 die by their own hands every year, or one person every 40 seconds. Bering is a psychologist and award-winning writer who was beset by suicidal ideation in his ‘30s. His personal tale is incredibly moving, and the science and psychology and methods for preventing suicide he shares make this an important teaching text on a subject, thankfully, we can now discuss openly. 5/5 stars
  
Pub Date 30 Oct 2018

Thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for the review copy. Opinions are mine. #Suicidal #NetGalley

[Weixiang · Rating 4 out of 5]

Since we are in a culture where the act in the title has increased 5 percent in the last 16 years for white Americans, as well as affected my life through the death of my friends, this book was a great source of info on such topic. At the end, a lot of it comes to our shame responses towards others, ourselves, and how much we are connected to our social core. Fascinating read on the act of self death.

Reading Difficulty: Sophomore level college.


Who is it for? For those who has attempted it, and wishes to understand maybe why. For those curious on why their loved one did it. For those who are no longer in mourning. For those who wishes to prevent it. For those with kids preparing for cyber bullying.

[Sophie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book brings a host of studies, lived experience and philosophical beliefs to explore the complex nature of suicide. Ultimately the book gives no concrete answers, which I think makes sense given the range of factors contributing to suicide/suicide attempts, and the fact there is rarely a single answer but instead multiple compounding factors.

I wish there had been a bit more discussion on protective and risk factors as well as static and dynamic factors, and how these influence one’s risk. But maybe this would fall more into a risk assessment than an exploration of suicide.

It was very interesting reading how the brains cognitions will ultimately shift in suicide persons and raises lots of questions about how to best support someone in this phase.

[Vaughan Hatton · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a book. A absolute rollercoaster of feeling, emotions and pain. But in my eyes, it's a book EVERYONE needs to read.

Mental health is a horrible problem around the world and needs to be addressed. As someone from New Zealand, and as someone who has lost friends and family to suicide, this taboo issue needs to be explored and talked about more.

A very tough book to read though. Some heartbreaking stories and moments where I found myself hugging the book hoping the people included could feel, I'm with them.

[AJ · Rating 4 out of 5]

An informative and sensitively handled look into the why's concerning this taboo topic. Bering (a fellow suicide ideator himself) goes through the circumstances that leads to individuals committing the deed through scientific, philosophical, psychological, and spiritual lenses. He does a fine job of remaining curious as opposed to judgmental.

The subject matter can be heavy at times but well worth the read (YMMV). For those more volatile and emotionally connected to the subject, read at your own risk.

[Max]

I haven't actually read the last two chapters (60-70 pages or so). I might come back and read them later or I might not, but right now I'm marking this as read for arcane personal reasons. Everything below is just me trying to process my feelings about the stuff I did read.

(WARNING: Non-graphic discussion of suicide, and of suicide-related triggers, below.)

So, again with the caveat that I haven't read the last chunk of this book: I'm not sure how to rate this. A large part of that is because I'm not rational about the topic of suicide, and I'm not capable of being rational about the topic of suicide. Suicide is perhaps my most major and consistent trigger, and I picked this up from the library knowing full well that it wasn't a great idea in terms of self-care, but blah blah blah, seeking out things that resemble your trauma, that's a whole other discussion. Basically I knew this could end badly for me, and I did it anyway, so take this all with a grain of salt.

I really, really liked this book for the first four chapters. The author was open about his biases, and compassionate without being patronizing, and frank about his own suicidality and how this book related to it. It was informative and comforting in the way that - as the author puts it - "intellectualizing a personal problem" notoriously is. The footnotes provided useful or interesting context, or counterarguments for some of the theories the author was summarizing. I learned stuff! It was good.

Things started to go awry for me right at the end of the fourth chapter, "Hacking the Suicidal Mind", when Bering footnoted a quote from Kay Redfield Jamison's Night Falls Fast, a laundry list of "creative"/horrifying ways human beings have killed themselves. That struck me as a little weird and not super necessary at all for the point Bering was making, but hey, I'm sensitive about suicide, it's probably just me.

Then the next chapter, "The Things She Told Lorraine", was a detailed account of a real teenage girl who died by suicide in 2014, with quote after quote after quote from the diary she kept during the four month period of acute suffering leading up to her death. It described her method of suicide pretty thoroughly, though admittedly not graphically. This seemed... I don't know, ethically questionable? Not so much that Bering was publishing this dead girl's diary - her parents gave him permission and he has some line about how he thinks the girl in question would want him to, which, whatever, not gonna argue that right now - but because he was thorough, and so detailed, and yes, it was a case study meant to exemplify the stages of Bering's favourite scientific theory of suicide, but it didn't sit well with me.

The sixth chapter, "To Log Off this Mortal Coil", is where I had to stop. This chapter is about the very real ways that media, especially new media, influence suicide, with many, many examples, and Bering spends the whole chapter providing detailed description after detailed description of ways people have chosen to end their own lives. The chapter opens with the case of 13 Reasons Why (the Netflix show, though the same issue probably arose with the book it's based on) and the alarming spike in social media-based suicidal behaviours its release precipitated. A few pages later, Bering outlines a "helpful list of do's and don'ts" from an internet-based guide for reporting on suicide without increasing rates of suicide. This, naturally, included instructions not to sensationalize the death, linger over the method or location, or "report on suicide similar to reporting on a crime."

Why, then, Bering then went ahead and, on the very next page, detailed - "for [the reader's] cognitive needs" - three particularly alarming methods used by four specific people who died by suicide in the late 19th century, is beyond me. He had just spent several pages telling us that even well-meaning discussions of suicide (e.g., community health PSAs) can lead to increased attempts and completed suicides among various populations, and those three anecdotes were not even helpful in making his point. He even indicates that he's doing it just because he assumes his readers have some prurient interest in it ("cognitive needs").

The remainder of this sixth chapter is mostly about the internet, and we learn the upsetting (and occasionally gruesome) details of death after livestreamed death. Bering was not necessarily reticent when it came to discussing the details of specific cases in previous chapters, but here it strikes me as unbearably excessive, and I can't account for most of these details being included unless I assume that Bering was attempting to be shocking.

If I sound upset, it's because I am; that's why I foregrounded this with my inability to be rational about this stuff. I'm not level-headed about it at all. Towards the end of this chapter I realized I was exhibiting a lot of signs of having been triggered, and I still very badly wanted to keep reading (another sign), so I forced myself to stop. I might genuinely just be, I don't know, projecting or something. But my reading is that a book I found comfortingly matter-of-fact and informative about suicide for most of the first half managed to transition into a book that sensationalized it while claiming to criticize others who do so, so... I'm frustrated.