I Can't Remember The Title But The Cover Is Blue

by Elias Greig

As any retail or service worker will tell you, customers can be irrational, demanding, abusive, and brain-scramblingly, mind-bendingly strange. They can also be kind, thoughtful, funny, and full of pathos. Something about the often-fraught interaction between customer and worker, with the dividing line of the counter between them, loosens inhibitions, and has a kind of hot-house effect on eccentricity.

In I Can't Remember the Title But the Cover is Blue, veteran bookseller Elias Greig collects the best, worst and downright weirdest customer encounters from his years working as a Sydney bookseller. From ill-behaved children to nostalgic seniors and everything in between, this hilarious and unpredictable book is the perfect gift for anyone who's ever been on the wrong side of a counter.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Books About Books, Memoir, Adult

225 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 28, 2018

Reviews

[Vanessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick short read. Makes me glad I’ve never worked retail *shudders*

[Jaidyn l Attard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh, the truth of these interactions. Working in a bookstore myself, I can only praise Elias for his ability to put together such a hilariously-true collection of customer interactions. I've had customers do some of these things--although, I've never had a kid fart beside me while I'm stocking shelves.

I almost feel like writing up my own experience with customers in a bookstore.

Here's one now:

A tall man with a hard glare and a receding hairline looms over the counter. I smile, take his items and start scanning.
Me: How's your day been?
Hard Glare: Yeah...
Me: Christmas shopping?
Hard Glare: Nearly done, now.
Me: The relief of it. I'm nearly finished my Christmas shopping too. *Scans rest of items* And you received a $5 off voucher when entering the store today?
Hard Glare: Oh, yeah. *Gives me the voucher* Thanks, mate.
Me: No worries. That brings it down to $69.99. Now, we've gone eco-friendly with our bags as per Queensland policy--QBD being a Queensland-based organisation. Would you like a reusable plastic bag for 20c?
Hard Glare: 20 freaking cents? No bloody way. Can't believe you all charge for bags now. Biggest scam there is. Another cashgrab. Don't worry about a bag, mate, I'll carry it and break my arm on the way to the car. 20c for a freaking bag. Ridiculous. At least Coles are 15c!
Me: Ah, I know what you mean. Unfortunately, it's soon to be Victorian law too. I'd rather paper bags myself, but what say do I have? Will that be all for today?
Hard Glare: Yeah, I suppose.
Me: $69.99
Hard Glare: Did you use the $5 voucher?
Me: I sure did, it was $74.99 until I used it.
Hard Glare: Right. Bloody hardly made a difference. Still expensive.
Me: *feeling defeated* Publishing in Australia is an expensive industry. Population is tiny compared to giants like America--that's why books are so much cheaper there.
Hard Glare: It's just another cashgrab, don't wanna hear about it.

[Jess · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of these anecdotes are scarily relatable!

[Kristīne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't expect this book to be so Australian - half of the book references were lost to me, as the customer descriptions. Jen Campbel's Weird Things were more universal in that sense.
And somehow, the bookseller seemed too arrogant in some situations, explaining every inner sigh and cringe, it was unnecessary. I like when these awkward customer encounters speak for themselfes.

[Amanda Witt · Rating 5 out of 5]

A funny account of the author's experiences working in a bookshop. He names customers by their clothes/features, such as 'floral prophet' who was an old lady wearing a floral shirt.

[Ellie Denniss · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who worked in a bookshop for over three years, this was so damn relatable that I started to have some very horrible flashbacks of my encounters with rotten customers.
I cringed, I sighed, I face palmed, I said “fuck you” out loud...But I also laughed, smiled, uttered an audible “aw” and felt warm and fuzzy inside.

Working in a bookshop was a dream come true for me, and reading these hilarious interactions brought back some very happy memories to go along with the shitty ones. I was a little disappointed at the lack of interactions about price stickers being wrong or people not reading them properly as that was probably the most common catalyst of customer self-combustion I experienced.

If you’ve ever worked in retail, this is definitely good for a laugh. And if you haven’t, welcome to a day in the life of someone who constantly loves their job and gets shat all over on a daily basis.

[Marjolein · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ha. Hilarisch boek. Sommige scenes waren echt heel herkenbaar 😂 Grappig om te zien dat de acties van sommige klanten universeel zijn; zowel in Nederland als Australië zitten er soms bijzondere mensen in de mix. Echt een aanrader, vooral voor mensen die zelf ook in de boekenbranche/retail werken!

Special thanks to Odette voor de aanbeveling!

[Bert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everyone that’s ever worked in retail, especially a bookstore, absolutely HAS to read this book. You’ll find yourself laughing out loud, you’ll find it’s alarmingly familiar, I was literally saying “yep” to myself the whole way through.

So funny!!

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 1/2 very funny stars! Very close to home! Been in many of the situations! Loved it.

[Shelleyrae at Book'd Out · Rating 3 out of 5]

Monday, 2.50pm

Lady in sun visor: Yes, I’m after a book … I can’t remember the title, but it’s quite unique …

Me: Do you remember what it’s about?

Sun Visor: It’s about a French woman, and she finally tells her story. Do you have that one?

——————————

LOL? Any guesses on the title?

Written as a series of vignettes, in the tradition of Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops by Jen Campbell and The Diary of a Bookseller by Shaun Bythell, I Can’t Remember the Title But the Cover is Blue, Elias Greig shares the best, worst and downright weirdest customer encounters from his years working as a Sydney bookseller.

I Can’t Remember the Title but the Cover is Blue is a quick and easy read that will make you laugh, cringe, and perhaps even shed a tear (because either you will be grateful you don’t work in retail, or because you do).

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quirky anecdotes with great depictions of people that have visited the bookstore. Have experienced similar encounters in the library - vague on the details and the like. The tone of book at the times was quite snarky - I get that most of the comments were internal dialogue, however, I did wonder just how much he enjoyed his job if at all.

Loved, loved the story of kid who farted. *tears*

[Rachael McDiarmid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it loved it loved it. Everyone in the publishing industry would enjoy the humour in this book. God bless people who work in retail particular the wonderful booksellers. Thanks for the laughs.

[Jo · Rating 2 out of 5]

This really didn't do it for me as a reader. As a bookseller alot of his stories resonated with me, however I think he was trying to replicate The Diary of a Bookseller by Shaun Bythell, but unfortunately his delivery just didn't live up to the title. His stories although real weren't funny. Its a real shame because this could have been brilliant.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a librarian, so many of these were hilariously relatable. But one of the things i liked about it most was that they weren't all difficult customers. They were all interactions that resonated with Greig and some were funny, some were awful and some were lovely. He seems like a delightful guy.

[Taneqa Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

😂 I've never related more to a book in my life. It was funny and so very true. It was a very quick read and I didn't want to put the book down.

[Cass · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this in one sitting as it is incredibly relatable due to my past in retail and my current bookseller position. A good laugh

[Naomi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I stayed up late last night and read this book. I laughed out loud. Loved it!

[Saturday's Child · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm glad that I have never shopped at this bookshop.

[Sherri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by an Australian book shop worker. His encounters with the public and all kinds of personalities and weirdness that abound. To anyone who works with....well people....

[Stuart McCarthy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic read!!
Very quick, I couldn't put it down!!
As a bookseller myself these situations that Elias Greig presents are definitely factual and relateable!!
So many of these discussions are ones that I have had with customers myself!!

[Chrissie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun, quick read about bookshop customers. Loved Greig's sense of humour and descriptions. Definitely worth reading.

[georgie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made my day

[For the love of Lit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Humanity is doomed

Hilariously accurate depiction of the everyday plight of bookshop workers. I felt like I’d just been at work. I hated it.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved every second of this.

If you know a book lover who has ever worked in retail this is the book to get them. I so deeply related to so many of the situations the author and book seller described. I literally cackled out loud at the lady with an extraordinary amount of food around her mouth and her letter to Scott Morrison about the Chinese.

The illustrations were gorgeous too. Simple but very evocative. An absolute delight.

[Kirra · Rating 4 out of 5]

The moment I saw the title of this book I knew I had to read it. I cannot count the amount of times I've had someone come to me looking for a certain book and only offering the colour of that book or a random fact in the storyline like I'll have a lightbulb moment where I suddenly say, "Oh yes, I know that one" but amazingly sometimes it works. 

Working in a library myself I have experienced so many similar situations booksellers often find themselves in just like the scenarios in this book. I've read a few other books marvelling at the weird and wonderful things customers say in bookstores but this is the first from an Australian author so it has that added layer of hilarity. I really enjoyed the format and illustrations alongside the relatable and cringe-worthy interactions as well.

I truly admire the patience and humour of the bookseller behind all of these wacky tales because some of the people they encountered are absolutely mind-boggling with their crazy requests. Still, they always had a witty/sarcastic response or a helpful guide for each customer. I Can’t Remember the Title But the Cover is Blue is sure to be a hit with any lover of bookstores, books and anyone that has worked in retail. 

(Thank you to Allen & Unwin for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review)

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our species is weird, also mean, beautiful, insightful, tin-eared, long-suffering, arrogant, smelly, distracted and above all weird. Or so thinks Elias Greig, who's worked for years in a suburban bookshop and seen all society's oddballs wandering the shelves. This book is a compendium of his tear-inducing interactions with people. It is a delightfully written paean to human idiosyncrasy.

Greig has a fine ear for dialogue, and a terse and witty narrative style. In a line or two he can create a vivid character, and in a page or two he can tell an entire story about them. His greatest gift, however, is his power of naming. Beachbound Dudebro and Dead Letter Bureau Girlfriend. Lord and Lady Indie. Stiffchin Punybeard. Old Pucker. Lady Cat Tree. High Pony Start-Stop. If Dickens had worked for Google, he couldn't have coined more ridiculous and appropriate monikers.

Greig doesn't try to conceal his own foibles. He frequently confesses his impatience and frustration. He has a particular sore spot for reactionary journalists and the poor benighted people who buy, if not actually read their books. But his guiding philosophy is tolerance and care and indulgence for human weakness. Henry Fielding might have made a similar bookseller, or Janet Frame, writers whose gentleness of character was matched only by their ruthlessness of wit.

[Verushka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once upon a time, a long time ago before reality and life happened I harboured a dream of owning a bookstore. There could be nothing more satisfying than being surrounded by shelves of books and being able to read them, I thought, neatly forgetting about all the hard work that comes with the job.

And the customers. And that's what I Can't Remember the Title But the Cover is Blue is all about.

It is a collection of short anecdotes of life behind the counter and the customers Elias and his fellow booksellers had to deal with: like the mum and her kids who touched everything with sticky fingers, or the woman who came in from yoga just to look at books, because you know she likes just looking. There's the man who came in to read a book, while eating an apple and then got huffy when he thought Elias was stalking him because he thought the guy was going to steal something, forgetting entirely about the fact that he's been given the chance to read a new book, and he should maybe make sure his hands are not stained with apple juice.

And most of all, and most dear to my heart are the customers who want to know why on earth the new Harry Potter book is a script of a play. Yeah, we all feel that one! 

This is a book that will make you smile, giggle and then send you off to your closest bookstore to appreciate the people behind the counter.

[Wendy Bridges · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfectly cathartic after working long hours in the bookshop in the lead up to Christmas!

[Cassandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

2018 review: Lots of fun, in a very similar vein to More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops. It doesn't quite have as good a tone as MWTCSiB, because I thought that the inserted actions like *shakes head* were distracting and he could have added body language, tone of voice etc some way else (I acknowledge that it's hard with quotes though).

2021: makes me laugh. I like that he doesn't hesitate to gently make fun of himself as well as the customers, but I also think he includes himself too much - mostly, the customers are brilliant as they are.

2025 I appreciated this more this time through. Even enjoyed the *internal thoughts*. Asterisks though??

[Talking Books · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Can’t Remember The Title But The Cover Is Blue by author Elias Greig is a laugh-out-loud read full of amusing, cringeworthy quips that bring out the the smiles. The novel portrays moments in a bookseller’s life that would leave many running for the hills, but which still entertain many at his plight. An overall nice, surprising read not to be missed.
Review copy received from Allen&Unwin