A Fate Worse Than Dragons

by John Moore

In an attempt to win the hand of Princess Gloria in marriage, Sir Terry slays a dragon-only to discover he's killed the dragon in a neighboring kingdom and inadvertently earned the devotion of the wrong princess. And everyone knows that getting stuck with the wrong girl is truly a fate worse than dragons.

Genres: Fantasy, Humor, Fiction, Comedy, Dragons, Fairy Tales, Science Fiction Fantasy

231 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

John Moore is an engineer who lives and works in Houston, TX. His stories have appeared in Realms of Fantasy, Tomorrow, New Destinies, Aboriginal SF, Writers of the Future, Marion Zimmer Bradley's Fantasy Magazine, and other magazines and anthologies. He is the author of six novels in the fantasy and science fiction genre, with the newest, The Lightning Horse , just released from YD Press.

In 2017 he will be at the Nebula Awards Conference in Pittsburgh, the World Fantasy Convention in San Antonio, Armadillocon in Austin, Texas, and Comicpalooza in Houston, Texas.

Reviews

[Gavin · Rating 3 out of 5]

John Moore's Twenty Kingdoms series books usually turn out to be fun fantasy parodies that have strong enough characters and plots that you care about the happenings despite the over the top nature of the book. I felt like A Fate Worse Than Dragons never quite managed to match up to te other books in the series. The humor was fine but nothing like as much fun as some of the other books while both the plot and the characters were only OK.

In an attempt to win the hand of Princess Gloria in marriage, Sir Terry slays a dragon-only to discover he's killed the dragon in a neighboring kingdom and inadvertently earned the devotion of the wrong princess. And everyone knows that getting stuck with the wrong girl is truly a fate worse than dragons.

The blurb for this story was intriguing but also a bit of a bait and switch since Terry dealt with it in early stages of the story. This was actually the story of Sir Terry trying all sorts of stuff to win the hand of the Princess Gloria in marriage. Since Gloria is already on board with the idea Sir Terry only needs to do something spectacular to prove he is worthy to her royal parents!

The premise of the plot was not a bad one as I do generally enjoy hilarious romantic comedies but the execution was always just slightly lacking. I do not want to be too harsh as this was still an enjoyable read that had its moments but my overall feeling is still that this could have been so much better than it turned out to be!

Rating: 3 stars.

Audio Note: I felt like Tristan Morris did a good job with the audio.

[Algernon · Rating 4 out of 5]

True love and high adventure, she reflected. It was amazing the way the two concepts fit so well together.

I picked this one up as a palate cleanser after an extremely dark and depressing crime novel. I’ve also been stuck for more than a month into my latest dark fantasy epic, so bad I hesitate to even name it before I decide if I will continue reading it or not.
John Moore delivered the goods beyond my moderate expectations. His light reading is better written, better plotted, funnier and with more credible characters than a lot of high-rated fantasy epics I’ve tried lately.

Sir David fell in love with her at first sight. No kidding, he really did. Don’t be so cynical.

I really didn’t know anything about the journey beforehand. This is my first book by Moore, and I only came across a comparison with ‘The Princess Bride’ after I finished reading it. I mention the classic romantic adventure story, because the comparison is quite apt : the book pokes fun at the genre tropes, but in a gentle, self-aware manner, without meanness or dumbing down either the characters or the story.

As the blurb mentions, the novel starts with a dragon hunt and a misunderstanding, as the hapless knight finds out he has won the hand of the wrong princess in marriage. Luckily for him, Terry is both quick-witted and blessed with a love interest who is not about to accept defeat so easily. His real intended, Princess Gloria, sets out to remedy the misunderstanding by embarking on an adventure all by herself.

The setting may be generic, but the prose and the dialogues more than make up for any shortcomings. The blending of fairytale elements with modern concepts like industrialization and marketing is part of the charm of the novel, and not a jarring anachronism, sort of like the humor in the Shrek movies.
Actually, I wouldn’t mind an animated adaptation of the story for the silver screen.

Meanwhile, I plan to continue reading these Twenty Kingdoms stories by John Moore, hoping for a repeat performance.

[The Flooze · Rating 4 out of 5]

Light and amusing. A quick read that had me chuckling out loud in quite a few places. Gloria is a princess who knows what she wants. Terry is a knight who does as he's told. There are dragons and griffons, lancings and poisonings, and even a ripped bodice or two. It's a witty, rollicking parody that makes me want to read more John Moore.

[Nighteye · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny as usual :) a family that hold patent on sliced bread, a knight killing the wrong dragon and won the princess in the kingdom besides the one he wanted to win and the princess who try to fix her own kidnapping getting into trubble.
Fun as his other ones but not a favorite of mine.

[Laker Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book a lot. I also like Dave Barry a lot, so I can appreciate Moore's sense of humor. I think this is his best book. However, this is not a book about cutesy talking dragons. If you are thinking Eragon or His Majesty's Dragon, this isn't it. This is more of a romance adventure. Think Romancing the Stone or The Princess Bride. It is too bad that the cover is misleading. The cover makes it look like a young adult book, but it is for adults. If you are not old enough to date, you will not understand this book.

[Dan Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Silly fun that is also sharp & smart. Lots of fun twists and clever plotting, delightful characters, highly recommend!

[Dale · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fair to Middling

There is a market out there for parodies of the traditional King Arthur/Lord of the Rings fantasy stories. Some are quite excellent, such as the The Princess Bride and the Xanth novels. Some are just so-so, like this one.

The book is about Terry, a knight trying to win the hand of Princess Gloria. He actually kills a dragon, but it took place in the wrong kingdom. When he returns home he discovers Gloria is now engaged to the son of one of richest men in the kingdom (his family invented sliced bread). Terry and Gloria decide to fake the kidnapping of Princess Gloria so that Terry can "rescue" her. Of course, none of it works out the way that it is supposed to...

The problem with this book is that it is just so-so funny. Not that it doesn't have its moments. The running joke about people being afraid of sliced bread (because it is unnatural, etc.) was cute, but the long discussions about the rules concerning marrying a princess by winning her hand (and the precedents and how they became precedents) were repetitive and just too long. The scene where the virgin-eating gryphon is coming through town has one very funny, very original scene, but for the most part this book just kept telling the same jokes over and over and they weren't all that funny the first time.

http://dwdsreviews.blogspot.com/

[Erin Penn · Rating 4 out of 5]

"A Fate Worse than Dragons" works as a fantasy parody and as a fun fantasy story.

I enjoyed and "meh" many aspects of the story. Sometimes I loved the turn of phrases the author came up with and sometimes they bogged down the story with "clever". Sometimes the characters parody felt fresh and fun and sometimes caricatures with no depth. Sometimes the modern joke set me laughing and sometimes they annoyed me. The romance fell flat, and the sex jokes make this very much not a kid's story (why didn't the gryphon eat the princess - not a virgin or not hungry?). But the plans, failing of plans, coming up with new plans, and life laughing at the new plans - kept the book's pace fast and fun.

Better than most parodies, and equal to most quest fantasies, this book is a quick fun read.

(PS - A knight successfully killing a dragon and not being able to talk about it is heart-breaking, heart-breaking I tell you! (snicker) Never kill the wrong dragon.)

[Derek · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this gem up at the used book sale at the library. I have to say, it was brilliant. Lately I've been reading a fair amount of light fantasy books, and this one tops them all. Easily one of my favorite books.



Moore leads us into a world of fantasy where cliche's rule, yet the way they hapen is very clever and full of wit. The dialogue had me laughing out lot. After I started this book I found it almost impossible to put it down.



Read this book. If you don't, I garuntee that you'll suffer a fate worse than dragons. :)

[Sbuchler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Genre: Fantasy

Amusing parody of the classic story of a knight rescuing a princess in distress. Except the princess arranged for herself to be in distress so that she could legally marry the knight of her choice (e.g. the one she had rescue her). Very tongue-in-cheek.

[Nathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a unique book for sure....the classic fantasy story with some very forced, artificial humor, but that doesn't mean its not funny as hell

[Eskana · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't believe I've read anything by this author, but this gave me a little view into what is apparently a series, the "Twenty Kingdoms." If they are all like this one, they are light comedic fantasy, meant to have fun while still pointing fingers at tropes. That being said, while I was in the mood for it, this one fell a bit flat (and it probably would've done better NOT to include a parody of the battle of wits from "The Princess Bride".)

Plot: The blurb is a bit misleading... yes, Terry does defeat a dragon, winning the hand of the wrong princess (due to the settling of a border dispute a few weeks before,) but this is taken care of in the opening scene. The REAL story is that Terry and Princess Gloria are in love, but have to find a way for him, a knight, to win her hand, which has been already promised to Roland, the son of a prominent merchant known for the creation of sliced bread. Terry and Gloria hatch a fake-kidnap plot so that he can "rescue" her, but things start to go wrong when Terry is forced to bring Roland along. Then, of course, we meet a down-on-her-luck noblewoman who works as a cook and randomly spouts lines about how the workers need to rise up and take down the bourgeouisie... (even though she is one?)
And of course, when the fake-kidnapping turns into a REAL kidnapping (haven't seen THAT one before,) then Terry must really prove his mettle, while still trying to keep the pretense going.

Review: Like I said above, it's a light fantasy. It's FINE. It does veer into lewd risqué when they start making jokes about certain creatures only wanting virgins... including a scene where a woman quickly tries to change her status to avoid being eaten. Har har.
Overall, I think it was serviceable, but couldn't done without the unnecessary bawdiness and the "Princess Bride" parody. I know that sounds like I'm picking on this story, but honestly, I feel that the story would've been stronger if it just stuck to its own original story and tone. But, it's not meant to be anything serious, so it is what it is.

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was shopping at the Friends of the Library used bookstore and, as I waited in line, I spotted this book from the corner of my eye. I am not much of a reader of fantasy novels, but something about it caught my eye and I saw it was "fairy tale parody". And it was 50 cents. Sold.

I was in the mood for reading a bit of fluff and decided to try it. It is just off-center enough to work for me. There is a knight in love with a princess who is plotting on getting him sanctioned to marry her -- but the dragon he slays turns out to be in the part of the kingdom that recently changed hands and he has won the hand of another princess. He is able to fix that snafu and his beloved comes up with a new plan in which he rescues her from being "kidnapped". That has promise, except she has just been announced to be engaged to marry the son of the richest family in town whom she has never met. Her fiance feels duty bound to search for her and is accompanied by the knight. And then she is kidnapped from her "kidnapper's" and there are monsters and wicked counts and magicians and escape plans gone wrong and a young woman who was supposed to have been the kidnapping victim who falls in love with the rich fiance and . . . Well, things happen.

I don't know what is better, the fake histories and legends recounted as the basis for the way things are done (I recall a reference to Queen Donna the Wannabe), the allusions to modern bureaucracy, or the clear spoofs of other fantasy tropes. One of my favorites was a fun twist on the "battle of wits" from The Princess Bride. And the other one is the invisibility of The Middle-Aged Man of the Mountains to the attractive young women in the book. A nice drop of fun in my day.

[BoxOfPonies · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll leave it up to you if you want to classify this as a fantasy parody or a tabletop roleplaying game transcript - both classifications would be fairly accurate.

This book is short and sweet, and it plays with expectations of the fantasy genre in a way I can appreciate by injecting reality in odd places (starting with the premise of the book, where the simple quest to slay the dragon and marry the princess gets derailed by zoning laws).

My one complaint would be that the actual premise of the book (especially the part about marrying the wrong princess), as detailed by the back cover... is resolved almost immediately and only comes up once or twice in the rest of the book. Sure, it does set the rest of the plot (princess fakes her kidnapping so that the knight can rescue her properly), but it did feel a bit misleading. All in all, this book feels a lot like a series of short adventures held together by a big-picture narrative, which isn't a bad thing, but does make the whole thing feel like a series of DnD sessions, or a multi-part quest in a videogame RPG.

Still, it was fun, and I liked the characters and the slightly wacky, but still believable fantasy setting.

[Geoffrey Philip · Rating 4 out of 5]

When a knight's plan to marry a princess goes awry he must compete with a baker to secure his happily ever after.

This fantasy romp explores laws and traditions of a magical kingdom, and doesn't shy away from world bending humor.

[Tori · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd read Bad Prince Charlie a while back, so when I saw this in the bookstore I immediately grabbed it. Again, Moore didn't disappoint with the humor, puns, and absolutely ridiculous story. All around great read.

[Rebecca Lowe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Middle school appropriate. A lot slower than John Moore’s other books and not as funny but still a good read. The tongue in cheek digs at common fantasy tropes (and one at The Princess Bride) are entertaining.

[Ronald Spitzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Satire on princess fairy tales. Funny! The modernism jokes are great. Enjoyable quick read for those times you want something light hearted. Recommended.

[Crystal Contessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was just so fun and cute. Fast read that made me smile throughout

[Mark Coram]

I liked it a lot.

[Neriparra · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.0

The beginning of the book was especially funny. I'm a little sad that we didn't learn more about Huggins' fate. A great respite and I'll definitely read other books by Mr. Moore.

[Nathan Dehoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second book I've read by Moore, and like the other one, it's pretty slight but has some good jokes. It concerns a knight trying to win the hand of a princess, starting by slaying a dragon, only to find he'd done so in the wrong princess' kingdom. There's a good recurring joke about sliced bread being a new thing and a lot of people finding it unnatural. And there's a direct reference to the iocaine powder bit in The Princess Bride, with the added twist being that the poisoner had actually used iodine. There are also several jokes with people arguing about why a griffin would only eat virgin women, and a quick gag where a young woman tries to get laid immediately so she won't qualify. I was also amused by the kingdoms named after parts of the brain.

[Johnny · Rating 3 out of 5]

I confess that I’m still more attracted to the punful (sic) adventures in Piers Anthony’s Xanth series or the blithely chaotic Myth-Adventures penned by Robert Lynn Asprin than I am to Moore’s operas of the absurd. Of the three novels I’ve read by Moore (Bad Prince Charlie, Heroics for Beginners, and this one, A Fate Worse than Dragons), I enjoyed the latter the most. Somehow, I wish the book could have stayed at the level of the first short arc of the plot. A relatively mediocre knight-errant manages to accomplish a mighty heroic deed only to have to shrug off the credit onto an undeserving bystander in order to avoid an undesired reward. Certainly, the convoluted twist of [pardon the expression:] Myth-perceptions and Myth-direction is delightful and the punch[line:] is not telegraphed in any way. I was taken off-guard and I was delighted. Unfortunately, I was never surprised in this manner again. Most of the rest of the novel was predictable (with one possible, but relatively minor exception).
One area where Moore is particularly careful is in his choices of names. I love the fact that the “down-on-his-luck” nobleman (who altruistically involves himself in the most ridiculous conspiracy plot I can ever imagine) is Baron Wayless (might as well have called him Baron von Whiffenpoof from the Yale drinking song that chorused, “We’re poor little lambs who have lost our way, Baa, baa, baa!”) while his nefarious foe is Count Bussard (I’m sure it’s supposed to be pronounced “Boos-sahrd” instead of Buzzard, but it only takes one reading.) and the two kingdoms with strangely oscillating boundaries are named Medulla and Oblongata, respectively.
Another area that works for Moore while sometimes merely be annoying in the comedy genre is his sparing use of anachronism. Some comic writers break down the fourth wall between “stage” and “audience,” “narrator” and “reader” far too often with those sotto voce asides that are intended to be clever which often merely interrupt the narrative flow. In this book, Moore manages to come closer to the master of the sotto voce aside (although he usually used footnotes to accomplish the task), William Goldman. Don’t get me wrong, this book is not The Princess Bride but occasional references to the metrosexual appearance of Roland (the rival for the lovely Princess Gloria’s hand) and anachronistic strategies for Roland’s bakery drawn from modern economic life are amusing without being distracting. In fact, some of my biggest chuckles in the book came from Roland’s interactions with the family business and his relatives as myopic board members.
In short, I rate A Fate Worse Than Dragons as a book worth reading in the fantasy comedy genre, something I couldn’t say for Moore’s other books. If I ever get another of his efforts, I won’t leave it rotting on my “to be read” shelf for over two years like I did this one (only to resurrect it when I realized I needed a small paperback for a short airline flight). I was pleasantly surprised.

[Gary Holt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another great fairy tale parody by John Moore.

Sir Terry kills a dragon in order to win the hand of a princess, but unfortunately he hasn't paid attention to recent history. National boundaries have shifted, and he was a few miles in the wrong country. Only by pretending his squire did the killing does he escape being wed to the crazy princess who talks to animals and rocks and whatever. Meanwhile, the princess that he actually wants is betrothed (much to her disgust) to the scion of a rich baker family. She cooks up a scheme where she is fake-kidnapped so Sir Terry can rescue her and thereby win her hand. But she drops into the middle of a real kidnapping plot and is mistaken for another woman who was supposed to be captured to be used as dragon meat, and... and... and... well, you get the picture.

It's a fairy tale where all the people are hatching schemes right and left, sort of like the "big lie" plots where a lie grows and grows, and gets funnier as it goes. And on the side, there are riffs on lots of other things too. I didn't think it was possible, but he does parody on a parody (there's a hilarious scene in here parodying a famous scene in Princess Bride, you'll recognize it when you see it).

As usual with John Moore's stories, I find I like the characters, and one is always rooting for them, despite their foibles.

[Biene · Rating 2 out of 5]

Die lustige Geschichte um einen Ritter der seine Prinzessin gegen alle Widerstände unbedingt heiraten will...und alle Beteiligten in ein realtiv plattes Abenteuer stürzt.

Dieses Buch ist ganz leichte Kost mit einem Schuss Humor und Verblödelung von den üblichen Sagen und Rittergeschichten. Es hat mich unterhalten, mir hätte aber auch nichts gefehlt, wenn ich es nicht gelesen hätte. Wäre der Witz im Buch so gut gewesen, dass ich des öfteren laut losgelacht hätte...ja dann hätte es 3 - 4 Sterne bekommen und ich würde weitere Bücher in die Richtung lesen... wobei Terry Pratchett mir besser gefällt und ich dann da zugreifen würde.

[Tori · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book failed to impress me. It's intended for adults, so it's much less creative than the chidderbooks about dragons. It's trying way too hard to be clever and young and fresh.

The writing style reminded me of Dave Barry. Desperately self-conscious attempts at humor that just don't do it for me...with an extra layer of desperation in attempting to conform to a fantasy genre.

Borderline insulting, if you're a fan of the fantastic books this one parodies. (I hated the reference to The Princess Bride. You don't mess with the perfection that is iocane powder.)

[MarsianMan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sir Terry knows that if he kills the dragon he will get the Princess's hand in marriage. So like any good knight, he goes and kills the dragon. Except he crossed the country boundary and instead must mary Crazy Jane (Princess of the other country).

Not as good as the other books I have read by him, but still a decent book.The book starts off slow and really only picks up in the last 1/3 of the story.

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A light-hearted comedy of errors in a fantasy setting. The description on the back is misleading though, as it summarizes the first ten pages and not the book, I'm sad I never get to meet Crazy Jane! Otherwise a fun read and a good airplane book.

[Jessica Hollo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not nearly as clever as his other humorous fantasy book. They seem a bit a like honestly.
Princess not who she should be, confused hero who shouldn't be one, modern references. Short, easy read.
Going to give him one more book. If it reads the same, it may be time to move on.

[Thor Aegir · Rating 3 out of 5]

One quote says it all:

He turned his gaze upon her, and their eyes not only met, the pupils shook hands, exchanged business cards, and sat down for tea together.

A quite hilarious (in a absurd way) fantasy romance.